Tina Brescanu's Blog

May 29, 2018

Talking about suicide is dangerous. It is contagious and will spread

False! Talking about suicide is a preventative action. Don’t wait for someone to say how they feel, they might never, but ask,”are you suicidal? Do you have suicidal thoughts?”
Suicide is not contagious. Ask your children if they have suicidal thoughts, dare to tell them about yours and don’t fear to wake the bear, talking will soothe the bear.
To lack a lust for life is common, even in children, perhaps especially in children today because of the added pressure of being somebody, being oneself is not enough.

Suicidal people are mentally ill

False! I never felt mentally ill when I wanted to die. It’s a myth. I always felt like I wanted to go home hence my saying, 1969 man landed on the moon, and I landed on earth.
Often, the reason we feel suicidal are dismissed as minor, silly or selfish by adults or experts so how can we expect young people to talk to someone?
I’ve been suicidal three times in my life. The first two times I saved my own life, the last time in my frenzied automatic writing of goodbyes to life, my yet to be born children wrote to me. They told me to hang on, to wait for them because we’re from the same place, you’ll recognise us and connect with us with such intensity you want to live forever, but you won’t, and that’s fine. Losing the lust for life is not a crime, it’s not a sin, and it’s not a failure. It’s a chance to start again; this is as you say on earth, third time lucky.
Until then I thought you could only save your own life, but I learnt you can indeed get help from unusual places.
I have experience from psychiatric care growing up in Sweden, and I would not recommend that kind of help. That’s where my sister and I differ, but then she became entrapped in that system. I escaped a diagnosis while she got several.

If someone talks a lot about suicide, they won’t try to kill themselves. It’s a false alarm

False, a lot of people who complete suicide have tried to talk about it, but maybe got “don’t say that we love you, you have so much, be grateful” instead of proper listening. Talking helps the person delay and hopefully change their mind or seek help. Talking about suicide is always a sign that the person needs help. Listen.

Suicidal thoughts are common, especially in the teenage years

Yes, true, but they are also more and more common in children. Of course, people of all ages suffer from suicidal thoughts and existentialist questions and it’s not always depression or mental illness. Perhaps it’s high sensitivity or alienation.

Boys don’t talk about suicide

True and false!
My brother didn’t, but my son did. Most young people don’t talk to adults because adults think they should be lucky to be alive or some other unhelpful sentiment about how one must feel about life. When my son was suicidal at the same age as myself when I was a child, I asked him, and he told me, and just like me when we accessed help together he was told he was highly sensitive, and as such he can lose his footing easier in life. My son was told to enclose himself in a bubble of love which was unhelpful at best.

If young people talk, it’s often to a peer, if they have someone who knows how to listen.
I didn’t talk to anyone. No, that’s not true. I talked to myself. I wrote to myself. The most important conversation we’ll all have in life is the one we have with ourselves. Experts say, talk to someone, get help, but unless the conversation with self takes place, no other person can ever continue the saving. Saying “don’t be so selfish” is not helpful. Making friends with self is more important than making friends with brothers and sisters and anyone else outside of self. Friends with self first is self-love, the foundation for all love. For life.

Suicide is sudden

True, with young people suicidal thoughts can come on suddenly, but it doesn’t have to be mental illness, it can be a societal illness which is different. Deeply depressed people often have no power of action, look out for a person who starts to feel better after a period of deep rest.

Once suicidal always suicidal

False, but at least in my case, I continue to live but on the edge of society, where I’ve always lived. I don’t feel depressed, ill or suicidal, but I feel intensely, and sometimes it’s too much. I need a lot of alone time to cope with life.
Birthdays and other celebrations are not risky times for me because I don’t celebrate anything in a mainstream way.

You can’t stop a suicidal person from completing a suicide

False. It’s possible. But the first hero here is the self. Always.
Going back to when I was in the deepest, darkest place I became my own hero, as did my sister and my brother. We are all sensitives. We all saved ourselves. But I knew people who couldn’t find the hero within, who instead completed suicide. This is why I advocate the conversation with self. You save your own life, and then you ask for help. You are the hero.
Afterwards, I never thought, why did I think like that? That’s trivialising the feelings that lead to suicide, instead, we should ask, how do we access the hero within in situations that overwhelm us, eats us up, tear us apart?
Loving someone who is suicidal is not enough. The suicidal person needs to be able to access self-love from within and become their own hero. Stop expecting suicidal people to live for someone else and help people to live for themselves first because that’s the only relationship that matters when you are so near the end.
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Published on May 29, 2018 09:24 • 105 views • Tags: death, life, love, self-love, suicide, talking, thinking

May 26, 2018

Africa is all too often described as if it is one country as opposed to a continent of 53 very different countries, with very different peoples, languages, terrains, economic and political situations, and cultures.
Africa is widely regarded by the scientific community to be the original birthplace of humans, the womb of the Earth. Whatever your viewpoint, it makes sense to get to know and make friends with Africa instead of holding on to a picture of Africa as a wasteland where there will never be peace.
The 53 nations of Africa’s debt are only double that of Irelands, which makes ours seem immediately more daunting. Twelve countries have positive current account balances. Of the world’s ten fastest-growing economies 2011-2015 seven countries are African countries: Ethiopia, Mozambique, Tanzania, Congo, Ghana, Zambia, and Nigeria. The other three are Asian countries: China, India and Vietnam.
"The Hopeless Continent" does not describe every country in Africa but it could describe Ireland of today for many.
African immigrants are the most educated immigrant group in the world, and the Diaspora from Africa contribute more in foreign capital than the sum of the World's aid. Foreign investments in Africa’s nations are also higher than foreign aid.
In the case of poverty, it is inappropriate to use income as the basis for defining poverty, as many households have a standard of living without earning an income either through barter, subsistence or Diaspora transfers.
In the case of literacy, 17 countries have literacy rates that exceed 70% with 12 at below 50%. In Zimbabwe, Zambia, Swaziland, South Africa, Seychelles, Mauritius, Lesotho, Kenya and Equatorial Guinea, literacy rates exceed 85%. Digital literacy is also exploding in Africa but is still in need of improvement.
In the case of population, only 11 countries in Africa have a population of over 30 million people and 27 countries have a population of less than 10 million. Population growth averages around 2.3%, which means that Africa will, for the foreseeable future, have a population which is young, with more people under 20 than over 40 (the case in the developed world).
Only 13 countries have arable land that exceeds 15% of their land mass, with 23 countries having arable land that is less than 5% of their land mass.
In the case of infrastructure, yes it’s uneven with South Africa coming out on top when it comes to railways, paved roadways, and airports with paved runways.
In the case of electricity, yes most is imported, and access is very difficult, but it could be Africa’s sun heating not just African nations in future, but the world’s nation as a sun solar system project is taking off in Mauritius.
Political transformation is sweeping through the continent, and foreign investment is growing. Clearly there are many challenges - tuberculosis, HIV/Aids and malaria pose serious health challenges, with many thousands of people dying every day; doing business in Africa is complicated; infrastructure is woefully inadequate; crime, poverty and unemployment loom large in most countries, and the skill levels required to drive a modernising economy are desperately short.
The markets in Africa are fragmented. The formation of free trade blocks and customs unions is essential if the smaller African countries are to prosper. Alongside that must come economic freedom, media freedom, improved infrastructure, political stability, and the protection of property rights and of course, the rule of law. Africa is still a wounded continent, but it’s not hopeless.
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Published on May 26, 2018 03:15 • 54 views • Tags: 53-nations, africa, african-diaspora

July 24, 2017

animal power bisexual erotica bisexuality body love bullying caring for a pet change child power choice coming out later in life creating a better world doctor dolphins education and learning erotic romance exclusion family bonds family teamwork fantasy friendship gender fluid guinea pig happiness heart humor identity imaginary friend imagination journey laughing for a living laughter life long learning lessons from life lgbt lgbtqi limitless learning limitless love love love in action love and life multi generational multiple partners new culture story nonconformism old soul orgasm pansexual patient pets polyamory punitive parenting school segregation sex sex positive solution focus soul nourishment standing up for one's rights suicide prevention swimming unconventional love unconventional romance unschooling untraditional values and beliefs visionary weirdly visionary wisdom of children
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Published on July 24, 2017 01:28 • 14 views • Tags: tag-cloud

May 21, 2017

I made this book trailer for my first book which was also my first time writing in English. The original book was a disaster, but at least I didn't give up on writing, I learnt from my mistakes and I keep learning. Writing is hard.

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Published on May 21, 2017 04:06 • 28 views • Tags: alternative-education, education, equality, rebellion, school, truancy

April 22, 2017

If you complain about Ireland, no matter how long you’ve been here, you’re either told to go home (this is home ffs) or a slagging match starts about your birth country’s shortcomings (every country has shortcomings)
You read articles upon articles how you know you’re Irish and recognise yourself only in one or two things
You don’t laugh about the wooden spoon
You don’t like the toy show or the late late show
You drink black coffee, not a fancy variety of coffee and not tea
Your children stop believing in Santa a lot earlier than Irish kids
Your kids are differently Irish too, but despite having no Irish blood are more Irish than you
You don’t like Cadbury’s chocolate
You don’t go to mass, not even at Christmas
You believe, but not in a set of rules and you have utilised the opportunity to question your own culture
You don’t conform and become the “there’s always one”
You go home for holidays, never a new place or at least very seldom
You don’t have a habit of saying God bless but you also don’t mind people saying it, they mean well
Your children will learn better Irish than they will your mother tongue because you have given them the language they actually need as a first language
You love Mrs Browns Boys
You have to put up with being slagged for your ethnicity but can’t slag the Irish and you’ll never become a real Irish even with citizenship
You don’t mind the rain or the cold
You’re always on time or even early and therefore always waiting
You truly treat everyone equally, the doctor is questioned and the principal of your children’s school gets given out to and your children gets the truth not age appropriate pedagogical expert talk
You’re told you’re odd, weird and funny enough, more Irish than the Irish and it’s all good
You don’t celebrate St Patrick’s Day or you do it for the sake of your children, you prefer the rebellious side of the Irish and go to great depths to find out more about this intriguing ingredient of the Irish
You assimilate, drink too much and develop a split nationality
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Published on April 22, 2017 22:42 • 88 views • Tags: differently-irish

December 28, 2016

Writing in English when it's a second language is not for the faint-hearted. Choosing to write in English when I had only spoken English was a rebirth, a dismantling of self, yes, I ceased to be for a bit when I started out. I lost myself for awhile, nothing I wrote made sense but I kept going, I kept finding clues and in the reconstruction of self my stories grew and yes, they're odd, they're different, they're not grammatically perfect, but neither am I.
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Published on December 28, 2016 06:08 • 124 views • Tags: english, second-language, writing

December 1, 2016

My mormor (Swedish for mother’s mother) came to Sweden in a rucksack.

Her grandparents skied across the frozen river between Sweden and Finland in the middle of the night having sold everything to get to Sweden at the most dangerous of times, the beginning of peace after WW2. My mormor is a Finnish Karelian.

My mormor got pneumonia and were taken to Haparanda hospital while her parents started to work in the forest.

Later, they were moved to the south of Sweden, to Sikfors, a small place in Bergslagen in central Sweden and got a loan to set up home and start their lives as Swedes properly.

My mormor’s name is Lumia which means snow or light.

When Lumia started school at age 7 she didn’t have a word of Swedish and she struggled in first and second year, but not only because of the language, she needed glasses but no one figured it out until she was 13. My mormor attended a small school in Sikfors. She was bullied for being fat, her mother overfed her because she had suffered starvation and didn’t want my mormor to go through the same hardship. My mormor was also bullied for not speaking Swedish properly.

I love that when she came back to her school reunion 40 years later, she was the only one who was slim and still working. Because she was overweight she wasn’t allowed to take part in PE, mad isn’t it?

They thought she could injure herself and she was also put on a diet in school so when the other children had pea soup and pancakes my mormor got carrots and eggs, every day!

Mormor’s best friend, Rosmari, was from Austria and the most mischievous thing they ever did was to climb other people’s apple trees and sit dangling from a branch each while eating apples until they could eat no more.

They went fishing in Svartälven, or the Black River, and mormor’s cat always got the first fish. She carried it home between her teeth to show off before chowing down.

My mormor was a very kind, gentle and shy person. Some people thought she was stupid because she was different. When she listened to Elvis Presley, Little Richards and Chubby Checker on her Grammofon, an ancient machine for playing music, she boogied all the badness away, but if she played too loud her dad used to turn off the electricity.

Lumia’s favourite food was pancakes and meatballs but today she eats neither because they are not healthy for a woman who has survived a heart attack.

My mormor’s favourite season was and still is summer. Rosmari and Lumia used to swim all day and every day in the lake Sången, the Song. They floated and dived even if it rained, but never when it thundered.

My mormor used to help her parents to pick berries and mushroom in the forest which they both ate themselves and also sold. She loved helping to stretch their low income this way but she sometimes got fed up translating for her parents.

They never went on holiday, but my mormor got to go to Finland a few times to meet all the relatives, mostly in Joensuu and Lieksa which is in the east of Finland, bordering the Karelia they once came from which now belongs to Russia.

My mormor read all Enid Blyton books and this was also her collection. She is still an avid reader, but now she reads mysteries.
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Published on December 01, 2016 22:54 • 70 views • Tags: finland, grandparents, karelia, life-story, love, sweden

October 9, 2016

I wish no one had to come out, I wish being gay or bi or trans or whatever was as normal as falling in love with the opposite sex is. I’ve been called gay since I started school, and not as a positive, but it’s not considered a crime, not like calling someone out on their religion, but who you are is not a belief, it’s not a phase, it’s for life, but when not considered natural how can I ever become who I really am without a fight for survival. I don’t know if I’m gay, I haven’t fallen in love yet, and apparently this is not normal either. I’m different. I’m sensitive and as a boy, I’m totally unsupported by school, by society. I don’t follow societal norms for a boy and therefore I’m outcast. I wished we talked about sex openly and naturally. Everything is natural. But I don’t feel natural, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Adults are wrong, children can feel suicidal, being a child is not always a magical time.
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Published on October 09, 2016 01:00 • 97 views • Tags: bi, coming-out, gay, lgtbq, queer, trans

August 16, 2016

My daughter is on holiday in Sweden for a whole month, staying with my mum, and on the third day she rang me and asked me to send her a recording of my laugh, "I miss you and your laugh so much."
I missed her laugh too so we exchanged notes.
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Published on August 16, 2016 10:44 • 18 views • Tags: laughter, sound-of-love

June 26, 2016

Once upon a no time there was the most beautiful girl I have seen and she was really funny, yes she was so funny and her name was Tina. She was really mad when her son was sent to war but then he came back and then she was happy again. She was so bad at art and when she entered an art competition she told someone else to paint it for her but she didn't win another woman won but she is still so amazing and I love her because she is my mum Tina. The End
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Published on June 26, 2016 00:22 • 89 views