M.K. Alexander's Blog, page 11
July 2, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 15
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 15:
Twelve Catchy Epitaphs
(authors anonymous)
NY Times Best Seller List 1989-1990
I write, I die, I publish
Your scathing 1-star review means nothing to me now
Reading is Eternal, Please plug in the battery charger below this message
By reading this tombstone you are violating 72 international copyright laws
Available on Amazon or Barnes & Noble
Not my best work, now only 99 cents
In life a plumber, in death an author
RIP, My latest obsolete techno-thriller
Finally get to meet Oscar Wilde in person, sort of
A Best Seller in 7 out of the 9 Circles of Hell
Heaven can wait, not done editing
Part 15:
Twelve Catchy Epitaphs
(authors anonymous)
NY Times Best Seller List 1989-1990
I write, I die, I publish
Your scathing 1-star review means nothing to me now
Reading is Eternal, Please plug in the battery charger below this message
By reading this tombstone you are violating 72 international copyright laws
Available on Amazon or Barnes & Noble
Not my best work, now only 99 cents
In life a plumber, in death an author
RIP, My latest obsolete techno-thriller
Finally get to meet Oscar Wilde in person, sort of
A Best Seller in 7 out of the 9 Circles of Hell
Heaven can wait, not done editing
June 25, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 14
The Pros and Cons of Posthumous Publishing
Part 14:
Know Your Market, Zombies and the Reading Dead
Multi-syllabic words are a big turnoff for the Reading Dead. Small words are best, and using a larger typeface can be especially helpful for deceased readers. Plots about “brains,” though somewhat overused, remain a perennial favorite among this target audience. Dialogue tag lines with adverbs are an unnecessary literary device. For example, “Arrhhhhh,” he said dutifully, seems superfluous in all cases.
Part 14:
Know Your Market, Zombies and the Reading Dead
Multi-syllabic words are a big turnoff for the Reading Dead. Small words are best, and using a larger typeface can be especially helpful for deceased readers. Plots about “brains,” though somewhat overused, remain a perennial favorite among this target audience. Dialogue tag lines with adverbs are an unnecessary literary device. For example, “Arrhhhhh,” he said dutifully, seems superfluous in all cases.
June 18, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 13
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 13:
Writer’s Cramp and Pre-Autographed Editions
It’s always difficult to anticipate how many copies of our book might be sold. Of course, it’s much harder for the dead writer. Posthumous autographs can be a terrible bother. Obviously, autographed copies fetch a premium, especially after several hundred years. It’s a wise author who personalizes his greeting, and with a bit of care and planning it’s a less-difficult task than you might first imagine. A standard message works best: “To (blank), my biggest fan. Thanks for the memories…” It’s best to do just a small bit of autographing each day, before you die: 25-100 seems to be a good number for most. If you already have arthritis, autograph by proxy might be the solution for you. Rubber stamps are a low cost, time-saving option.
Part 13:
Writer’s Cramp and Pre-Autographed Editions
It’s always difficult to anticipate how many copies of our book might be sold. Of course, it’s much harder for the dead writer. Posthumous autographs can be a terrible bother. Obviously, autographed copies fetch a premium, especially after several hundred years. It’s a wise author who personalizes his greeting, and with a bit of care and planning it’s a less-difficult task than you might first imagine. A standard message works best: “To (blank), my biggest fan. Thanks for the memories…” It’s best to do just a small bit of autographing each day, before you die: 25-100 seems to be a good number for most. If you already have arthritis, autograph by proxy might be the solution for you. Rubber stamps are a low cost, time-saving option.
June 11, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 12
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 12: Editing from Beyond the Grave
One of the enduring dilemmas for the posthumous author is editing. Should you or shouldn’t you? Even for the living, the task can be an onerous one. Having sons or daughters, (or even distant cousins) do the work for you is one option. Editing before you pass to the great beyond or oblivion is another, even better choice. Be sure to time the release of your new editions with care: 10 years, 25 years, 50 and 100 are tried and true strategies. Plan in advance if possible, if not; seek help from others in the afterlife. (please see part 18, Necropolis here I come). Deathless prose always comes at a cost.
Part 12: Editing from Beyond the Grave
One of the enduring dilemmas for the posthumous author is editing. Should you or shouldn’t you? Even for the living, the task can be an onerous one. Having sons or daughters, (or even distant cousins) do the work for you is one option. Editing before you pass to the great beyond or oblivion is another, even better choice. Be sure to time the release of your new editions with care: 10 years, 25 years, 50 and 100 are tried and true strategies. Plan in advance if possible, if not; seek help from others in the afterlife. (please see part 18, Necropolis here I come). Deathless prose always comes at a cost.
June 4, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 11
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 11:
Why Criticism Usually Falls on Deaf Ears
Sound travels roughly three to four feet underground depending on soil conditions. Low frequencies travel better. Shrill criticism will never reach your ears— it’s a simple scientific fact and comforting one. Nothing is more debilitating to the posthumous author than the constant patter of negative reviews. Surely, it’s the number one positive reason for publishing after death. Bear in mind, being six feet under does not necessarily make you immune to ridicule and derision. Overly sensitive dead-author types may find themselves rolling unaccountably. An extra wide casket may be the right choice for you.
Part 11:
Why Criticism Usually Falls on Deaf Ears
Sound travels roughly three to four feet underground depending on soil conditions. Low frequencies travel better. Shrill criticism will never reach your ears— it’s a simple scientific fact and comforting one. Nothing is more debilitating to the posthumous author than the constant patter of negative reviews. Surely, it’s the number one positive reason for publishing after death. Bear in mind, being six feet under does not necessarily make you immune to ridicule and derision. Overly sensitive dead-author types may find themselves rolling unaccountably. An extra wide casket may be the right choice for you.
May 28, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 10
The Pros and Cons of Posthumous Publishing
Part 10:
Longest Lasting Book Lights on the Market
Casket-bound or not, it is essential that the posthumous author keeps up with the latest trends in publishing. And that means reading. And that means light. Most cemeteries frown upon high voltage wires leading to their grave sites, but will allow for small solar power arrays. Batteries, rechargeable or not, are also problematic. No one wants to spend eternity alongside a box of leaky D-cells. Things to look for: 1. a strong clip, 2. an adjustable neck, 3. long-life bulbs. Top recommendation: LuminoLite, as it produces a white light similar to daylight, which stimulates the brain and helps you stay alert and energetic. Night-vision goggles are a poor second choice.
Part 10:
Longest Lasting Book Lights on the Market
Casket-bound or not, it is essential that the posthumous author keeps up with the latest trends in publishing. And that means reading. And that means light. Most cemeteries frown upon high voltage wires leading to their grave sites, but will allow for small solar power arrays. Batteries, rechargeable or not, are also problematic. No one wants to spend eternity alongside a box of leaky D-cells. Things to look for: 1. a strong clip, 2. an adjustable neck, 3. long-life bulbs. Top recommendation: LuminoLite, as it produces a white light similar to daylight, which stimulates the brain and helps you stay alert and energetic. Night-vision goggles are a poor second choice.
May 27, 2017
An Officially Sanctioned Amazon Giveaway
JUMP CITY
Book 2 in the Tractus Fynn Mystery Series
10 copies up for grabs.
(ebook)
https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/230522d...
Book 2 in the Tractus Fynn Mystery Series
10 copies up for grabs.
(ebook)
https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/230522d...
May 21, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 9
The Pros and Cons of Posthumous Publishing
Part 9:
Finding an Agent You Can Really Trust
For the newly-dead author the one important question to ask is: does your agent have offspring and are they in the family business? Take the long view here and be generous. It makes perfect sense to offer a slightly larger percent of future royalties than if you were a living author. Ceaseless haunting and the ability to invoke gypsy curses are always good backup plans, though threatening to let your work lapse into the public domain is the best motivation of all.
Part 9:
Finding an Agent You Can Really Trust
For the newly-dead author the one important question to ask is: does your agent have offspring and are they in the family business? Take the long view here and be generous. It makes perfect sense to offer a slightly larger percent of future royalties than if you were a living author. Ceaseless haunting and the ability to invoke gypsy curses are always good backup plans, though threatening to let your work lapse into the public domain is the best motivation of all.
May 14, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 8
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 8:
Twitter Tips for Dead Authors
Short of exhumation, there’s little for the dead author on twitter. Arranging for a “ghost-tweep” to post on your behalf can be expensive and difficult to monitor. For example, below-ground cell service is expensive and unreliable. (6G service is unavailable from most carriers). Ethernet cables are unsightly, and as such, banned in most cemeteries. Automated posts are the obvious solution and many third party software companies offer a way to schedule tweets in perpetuity. However, the inability to retweet, like, or reply, eventually leads to a follower-less accounts.
Part 8:
Twitter Tips for Dead Authors
Short of exhumation, there’s little for the dead author on twitter. Arranging for a “ghost-tweep” to post on your behalf can be expensive and difficult to monitor. For example, below-ground cell service is expensive and unreliable. (6G service is unavailable from most carriers). Ethernet cables are unsightly, and as such, banned in most cemeteries. Automated posts are the obvious solution and many third party software companies offer a way to schedule tweets in perpetuity. However, the inability to retweet, like, or reply, eventually leads to a follower-less accounts.
April 30, 2017
Satire for the Dead, 7
The Pros and Cons of Publishing Posthumously
Part 7:
Modern Cryogenic Technology, An Overview
Urban myths of a frozen Walt Disney aside, cryogenic technology has advanced considerably over the years. Facilities can vary, so arm yourself with the correct questions: How cold is cold? How reliable is the electrical generator? Do they have solar power back-ups in place? Is frostbite insurance available? What an absolute thrill for the posthumous author to re-awaken in the dystopian future that he or she has created! (Be sure to visit Bredo Morstoel at the Frozen Dead Guy Festival in Nederland Colorado, annually, early March, to receive a free kelvin to celsius to fahrenheit temperature conversion guide.)
Part 7:
Modern Cryogenic Technology, An Overview
Urban myths of a frozen Walt Disney aside, cryogenic technology has advanced considerably over the years. Facilities can vary, so arm yourself with the correct questions: How cold is cold? How reliable is the electrical generator? Do they have solar power back-ups in place? Is frostbite insurance available? What an absolute thrill for the posthumous author to re-awaken in the dystopian future that he or she has created! (Be sure to visit Bredo Morstoel at the Frozen Dead Guy Festival in Nederland Colorado, annually, early March, to receive a free kelvin to celsius to fahrenheit temperature conversion guide.)
