Adib Zaini's Blog: Old Man Adib, page 5

"Aku Kat Roundabout Shah Alam Ni"

Ini adalah cerita mengenai rakan-rakan yang selalu sesat. Memang ada a beberapa member aku yang ada bad sense of directions. Ini adalah cerita mengenai empat orang yang the worst of the worst.

I - Peju

"Kau kat mana ni?"
"Entahlah. Aku kat roundabout Shah Alam ni."
"Kalau kat Shah Alam tu, roundabout lagi banyak daripada anjing. Jangan la cakap kau kat roundabout."

Peju ni orang pertama yang buat aku rasa nak korek biji mata aku sendiri bila dia cerita pasal dia sesat. 3-4 tahun duduk kat Kuching pun boleh sesat dalam Kuching tu. Rumah kat Shah Alam pun boleh sesat cari UiTM. Jalan straight je pun boleh tersesat entah ke mana-mana.

II - Jijol

OK, technically aku baru jumpa Jijol sekali je. Mamat ni sebenarnya member Syed dengan Zaki. Aku mula-mula pelik kenapa Syed dengan Zaki malas nak angkat call daripada Jijol masa dia nak datang join lepak. Last-last Syed angkat jugak.

"Kau kat mana? [pause] Hah? [pause] OK, kau masuk, terus je nanti jumpa dua traffic light, ko masuk kiri. Depan lagi ada ada rumah kedai belah kiri [pause] Kau carik kedai makan lepas 7-Eleven ni. [long pause] Kau terus dulu. [pause] Zaki ada, pastu ada lagi 2-3 member aku. [pause] Isnin depan la kot. Tak sure lagi. Kau sampai nanti kita bincang la. [pause] Kau dah masuk ke belum? Terus je dua traffic light. [pause] Terus. [pause] Ha, terus. Straight je. [pause] First traffic light tu terus."

Conversation berterusan sampai 15 minit. Jijol tak jumpa lagi first traffic light tu.

III - Mamu

"Dude, where the hell are you?"
"I'm entering Subang now."
"OK, Darus is the just at the entrance of the street going to Asia Cafe. In front of Goodyear."

Sejam lebih lepas tu baru Mamu sampai.

IV - Ash

Maka pada suatu hari, Ash tiba-tiba tweet "help. is bangi near ampang or klia???" dan semua orang tergelak bersama-sama di timeline.

Aku Sebuah Jam

Aku sebuah jam tangan. Aku milik Bruce Willis, hasil peninggalan bapanya. Sebenarnya banyak cerita yang aku boleh beritahu sepanjang hidup aku sebagai jam tangan ni. Siap pernah nampak orang mati kena bunuh.

Aku boleh cerita pasal ada sekali ni aku nampak John Travolta kena bunuh. Ni semua pasal Bruce Willis tertinggal aku kat rumah. Dia pesan kat awek dia, jangan lupa ambik aku masa kemas-kemas barang dia. Tapi awek dia lupa jugak. Jadi dia balik sendiri, nak ambik aku. Tengok-tengok ada uzi kat dapur. Milik John Travolta. Travolta tengah berak kat dalam toilet. Dia keluar je, Bruce Willis terus tembak dia.

Tapi pengalaman paling ngeri aku ialah tinggal di dalam bontot Christopher Walken selama dua tahun. Sigh... Sampai sekarang aku cuba nak lupakan.

I Am Officially A Retired Gamer

"So, when are you gonna start gaming again?" I've been asked that question over and over for a while now. Wait for Civilization V, I said. Wait for Cataclysm, I said. Wait for DC Online, I said. Wait for Skyrim, I said. Now, I don't even bother to answer. And they have stopped asking.

Is it because I'm still running a seven years old machine? No, that's not it. I have another machine with good specs that only lacks a graphic card, which Ed was willing to donate. All I have to do is pick it up.

Is it because of the influx of first person shooters - a genre that I despise - that is taking over the gaming industry? Or the whatever-shitty-ville people are playing on Facebook? Am I becoming 'that old man' that complains about how games aren't what it used to be anymore?

No.

Truth be told, I have no idea why I'm not playing video games anymore. Even if I don't like most of the new games, my PC is full of old school games from the 90s. Hell, I've been looking forward to Skyrim ever since it was announced but I've yet to even look at the menu screen. So it's not because of the lack of choice. I just don't know why. I just... stopped gaming. Ed even denounced my geekhood.

It's been such a long time since I played any game. No more blisters on my thumb. No more carpal tunnel. No more 'the zone'. No more 14 hours gaming marathon. No more death by lag. No more "one more level". No more corpse camping. No more tea-bagging. No more up up down down left right left right B A start. I'm a gamer... no more.

I'm becoming a mortal. The guy who was labelled "game freak. games, nothing but games" on the highschool yearbook.

The geek shall inherit the earth. And I guess I won't be one of them.

Serial Quitter

It's been almost 40 hours since my last cigarette. Some people might cheer for me but sceptics like Johan would say, "that time of the year again?" I quit smoking more time than your momma got laid.

Yes, every now and then, I vowed that "this is my last cigarette ever" which of course, Johan has heard of for dozens of times before.

Why is it so hard for me to stay away from ciggie? I can actually handle the withdrawal. Withdrawal is not a problem. It's just that it's hard to quit when you smoke an average of 1 and 1/4 pack a day. Plus I hung around smokers all the time. Every once in a while, they will respect and encourage you to stay off cigarette. Then every once in a while you'll have a friend like Chew.

Let me tell you a story about this bastard called Chew. I've quit for almost one month at that time. Then this bastard joined us for lunch one time. The instance he found out I've quit smoking, he started blowing smoke in my direction, offers me a drag, which I denied. Then he offered me a stick, which I denied again. Then he offered me a pack, again I denied. Then he just raised his hand, call the mamak and said, "bagi Dunhill tiga." He kept one for himself and put the other two packs in front of me.

Another thing that makes it hard to quit is that the first cigarette after a long break from nicotine is the best. Also, I actually enjoy the withdrawal.

When it comes to statistic, I only know personally two people that died due to cigarette. I've lost dozens of relatives due to motorcycle accidents. At both cases, the dude was smoking immediately after playing sports. Heart attack. Both under 30 at that time.

Which brings me to the reason for me quitting this time around.

I got a squeezing chest pain on the night after after the incident on the previous post. The pain stayed for 10 - 15 minutes and then disappeared. After a while it came back again. So of course, I'm afraid it might be a symptoms of a heart attack. At which point I buzzed Ilya over YM and informed him that I'll be working until 3 am. If I'm suddenly AFK'd, call an ambulance.

I'm still worried though. But since it's past midnight, I just thought, fuck it. I'll just worry about it tomorrow (yeah, that's my usual "fuck-giving" level). But I did asked Nedd over Twitter if this chest pain is bad. Apparently it's most probably just a muscle spasm.

But I've quit smoking for almost two days now. Might as well keep on going and see how far I can go. Which might be one or two hours at most, since I'll be hanging out with Syed in a short while.

P.S. So, maybe I've quit smoking. But Cikgu Zara and Sufian Abas are turning me into a caffeine addict.

Syed Dan Twilight

SMS daripada Syed: "Razman, shah, adib. Lepak minum jom petang ni"

Aku balas balik: "boleh. remind aku 10 minit sebelum ko gerak. takut aku tido"

Dan pukul 4 lebih Syed call ajak lepak mapley biasa. Menunjukkan yang Man dan Shah tak join lepak. Aku kata "aku gerak sekarang" sebelum masuk bilik air, mandi dulu.

By the time aku on the way, Syed sms suruh aku park je kereta kat mapley biasa. Tukar venue nak lepak. Ash ajak lepak kat Rasta. Ok je. Naik kereta Syed, jimatlah minyak aku. Aku SMS dia balik. "Aku dah nak sampai ni. Kat esso dah." Padahal jauh lagi.

Syed call maki-maki aku pasal aku tak sampai lagi bila dia dah sampai. Memang biasa dah main jongkang-jongkit denga Syed kalau bab timing lepak ni. Tapi tu cerita untuk masa lain.

Jadi aku masuk kereta Syed. Tak boleh hisap rokok pasal tingkap sebelah passenger takleh bukak.

Dah agak-agak jauh sikit gerak Syed cakap, "Oh, tukar venue. Lepak kat Curve."

"Curve? Apa occasion pulak ni?" Aku malas nak jalan. Seluar aku longgar dan aku tak pakai tali pinggang. Leceh.

"Apa lagi, tengok Twilight la."

Fuck. Aku masuk perangkap. Perangkap yang lebih kurang Syed nak guna untuk kenakan Ilya. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Syed dah gelak-gelak dah.

"Buto la tengok Twilight. Ah, takde-takde."

"Come on lah, tiket dah book dah. Aku belanja."

"Buto la. Takde-takde. Aku lagi rela kena kanser daripada tengok Twilight."

Aku terus fikir solution nak lari. Kalau betul tengok Twilight, memang aku balik sendiri la naik cab. Or mintak tolong Ilya hantar. Alang-alang rumah dia dekat Curve. Tapi kalau nak suruh Ilya datang, kenakan dia tengok Twilight sekali pun kelakar jugak. Tapi problemnya, kalau buat camtu, aku kena tengok la jugak.

"Fuck you, Syed. Mati hidup balik pun aku takkan tengok Twilight. Dah la tengok dengan kau. Kalau dengan awek takpe la jugak. Itu pun the awek kena betul-betul worth it."

Nasik baik dia memang tipu aku je. Aku pun lupa yang Ash pun benci Twilight. Memang kirim salam la Syed nak racun semua tengok Twilight.

Nasib baik memang lepak makan je. Bila Ash datang terus aku cerita Syed punya attempt nak racun semua orang tengok Twilight. Dah kena gelak time tu pun dia masih tak mengalah lagi.

Kisah Syed dan Twilight ni sebenarnya agak panjang. Semuanya berpunca dengan kejayaannya buat semua member-member suka lagu I Love You Like A Love Song. Jadi dia ingat dia akan berjaya buat member-member tengok Twilight. Alasan dia memang agak celaka gak. "Aku dah tengok Twilight-Twilight lain kat wayang sebelum ni, alang-alang bagi habis je la." Sejak pengakuan dia tu, memang hari-hari harras semua orang. Hari-hari dia ajak semua orang tengok Twilight.

Aku dah pernah buat statement sebelum ni yang aku lagi rela kena kanser daripada tengok Twilight. Terus bermimpi je lah Syed nak try racun. Memang dulu dia guna alasan ex dia ajak tengok. Nasib baik ex aku dulu pun benci Twilight. Jadi so far memang aku tak tengok lagi.

Sorry dude. Cerita ni memang kena cerita. Sebelum kau attempt next prank.

Radar Aku Tak Berapa Berfungsi

"Syed, 5 o'clock."
"Huh?"
"5 o'clock."
Muka Syed masih blur. Dia tak dengar aku cakap apa.
"Tengok kau punya 5 o'clock. OK tak?"
Syed toleh kepala dia untuk melihat. Awek comel berambut panjang dan berkaca mata. Awek yang aku usya sejak dia duduk kat meja tu, berharap dia tengok ke arah aku. Tapi tangan asyik pegang phone je.
Syed toleh balik ke arah aku. "Tak berapa nampak. Kejap, aku tengok balik."
"Nevermind," aku cakap. "Ada boyfriend." Seorang lelaki rambut terpacak datang duduk di hadapan awek tu sambil bawa air.
Syed dah tergelak. "Apa teruk sangat kau punya bad luck ni? Dah la, kau takyah jadi scout lagi. Asyik semua orang punya je."
Aku cuba divert perbualan untuk tukar topik. Cukup-cukuplah kau bahan aku kat Twitter.
Nasib baik berjaya. Tapi lepas tu Zaki sampai kat table kitorang dan topik kembali kepada membahan aku.
"Aku dengar ada cerita kelakar," kata Zaki.
Aku dah mencarut dalam hati. "Kau tanya Syed la. Kalau aku cerita kang aku tokok tambah jadi aku hero."
"OK, Syed, kau cerita."
"Member kau ni la. Angau dengan satu minah ni. Last-last rupanya minah tu baru tunang 3 hari sebelum dia jumpa hari tu. Sekarang memang hari-hari kena bahan kat Twitter."
Zaki gelak simpati kat aku.
"Mana aku tau. Hari tu kat table ada dekat 8 orang, sekor pun tak perasan ada cincin."

Balls. Ni bukan kali pertama terjadi.

Note to self: always check for the ring.

Top 5 Wrestling Matches of 2011

Aku dah tweet tadi list ni, tapi aku tulis panjang lebar pulak la kat sini.

Aku dah malas nak tengok gusti sampai hujung tahun, jadi aku buat la dulu list top 5 match of the year. Aku pun takde tengok banyak sangat gusti tahun ni. Tak tengok NOAH, tak tengok PWG, tak tengok CHIKARA, tak tengok DDT, dan memang takkan la aku tengok TNA. Mostly cuma WWE, ROH, dengan FCW.

So jom tengok list ni:

5. Triple H vs Undertaker. WWE Wrestlemania XXVII
Match ni memang agak slow masa mula. Tapi match ni punya ending memang semat. 3 Pedigree + 1 Tombstone, tapi Undertaker masih tak kalah. Semua orang memang tau, Taker takkan kalah punya kat 'Mania, tapi dekat-dekat ending match, semua mula rasa yang H mungkin ada chance untuk menang.

4. CM Punk vs Randy Orton. WWE Wrestlemania XXVII
Build up untuk match ni memang cun. Punk simpan dendam dari 2008. Orton pulak hantar sekor-sekor henchmen Punk pergi hospital. Match dia pun memang gempak. Punk siap pinjam moveset Low-Ki dengan Bret Hart bila dia buat Tree of Woe Ghetto Stomp dengan Ring Post Figure Four. Ending match pun gempak bila Orton counter Punk punya springboard clothesline dengan RKO.

3. Seth Rollins vs Dean Ambrose. FCW, 18 September 2011
30 minutes Iron Man Match. Habis time limit, masih draw. Jadi ada extra time untuk sudden death. Banyak-banyak match dalam list ni, mungkin yang ni yang korang tak pernah tengok. Jadi aku bagi je la full match (minus commercial) dia.



2. CM Punk vs John Cena. WWE Money In The Bank
This is CM Punk at the top of his game. Inilah saat yang buat aku bangga jadi wrestling fan. Punk baru lepas buat promo of the decade. Ini last match ikut kontrak dia. Lawan kat Chicago, kampung Punk. 30+ minutes. Segala kritik yang mengatakan Cena tak reti gusti, tamat dalam match ni. Satu-satunya sebab match ni aku tak letak dalam nombor 1, adalah kerana match ni punya ending tak berapa clean. Vince McMahon dengan Johnny Ace kacau.

1. Davey Richards vs Eddie Edwards. ROH Best In The World
Eddie champion. Davey jadi challenger. Build up lama. Dua kawan baik. Dua tag team partner. Eddie memang selama ni ikut bayang-bayang Davey. Davey umpama abang kepada Eddie. Tapi Eddie dahulu yang jadi World Champion sebelum Davey. Tapi Eddie rasa semuanya tak bermakna selagi dia tak kalahkan Davey. Davey mula-mula taknak terima cabaran, sebab dia taknak tamatkan impian kawan baik dia tu. Tapi Eddie keras-kerasnya nak lawan Davey.

Match dia pun memang gempak. Part paling menyayat hati bila Davey tangkap kaki Eddie yang dah memang sakit tapi teragak-agak nak proceed. Eddie lempang Davey 2-3 kali sambil kata, "do it." Dia taknak menang sebab Davey kesian. Dia punya post match, aku terus manly tears. Touching macam masa Chris Benoit menang title lepas tu celebrate dengan Eddie Guerrerro

Jadi itulah senarai top 5 match gusti aku untuk 2011.