Kush Srivastava's Blog, page 30

The Life of a Couple!

Yesterday, I received a call from this guy who has just managed to overcome what he refers to as the crisis of his life and I feel it is worth narrating considering the kind of lifestyles that we have got so used to leading in this increasingly and menacingly busy world. He got married just a couple of years back. It was a love marriage. Everything looked perfect. He thought, “lucky are those who are able to marry the love of their lives.”

And then the couple decided to move to a metro, where the guy was supposed to get one of the best jobs that he could have dreamt about getting in terms of the package that the company happened to be offering to the guy and he simply couldn’t have afforded to miss upon this lucrative opportunity that seemed to be knocking at his door.

His wife was happy that they would now be able to lead a lifestyle that she had always wished for. She thought that she too would find a job and would try to keep herself busy during the hours when her husband would be slogging hard in order to fill their lives with luxury and in turn happiness.

It took just a year for the couple to get accustomed to the lifestyle of a city like Mumbai. Success that the guy was getting in his job, coupled with the free lifestyle that the couple could afford to lead made them really happy.

But like every other story, this one too had a twist. Having achieved the kind of life that she wanted, the absence of her husband from the house even during night at times, started giving her a hard time. All the luxuries that seemed to have made her so happy wasn’t making her happy anymore. All she wanted was that the guy should come home early to her, so that they could spend some quality time together.

The guy on his part got too involved in what he was upto on a professional front. After all, that’s what the couple had wished for at the time they had decided to leave their middle class lifestyle that they happened to lead in their hometown, when this very opportunity had managed to come their way.

The guy could feel that their life was falling somewhat apart. He could feel the tension in and around him and wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible. It was then that he decided to take that all important decision of his life which was supposed to bring him back the happiness and the peace of mind that he had in plenty when they both happened to be spending their lives in their home town.

That very weekend, he took his wife out for a dinner, where he told her how much he had missed those moments that they used to spend together back in their hometown. How wonderful the life had been! Sitting in a restaurant that night, they both decided that they would go back to square one. They would return to the world where they belonged to in the true senses of the world.

Today, when they look back at that night when they had gone out and had decided to take that all important decision of their life, the thought of having not done the same and the thought that what would have happened in case they had tread the same path as the other couples are generally found treading in such situations, seems to give them jitters, which reminds me how often we, in our lives, are found wanting when it comes to chosing between two very different alternatives, with huge pros and cons attached to each one of them.

What else can I say other than, “lucky are those who managed to take that all important decision when it mattered the most in their life”. At the end of the day, your destiny is decided not by wishful thinking or mad optimism but by the choices you make in your lifetime.

Source for Image: http://errolallenconsulting.com/2013/03/07/customer-service-during-a-crisis/, http://whitegoldsilver.blogspot.in/2013/05/love-couple-wallpapers-love-couples.html

 

The Maalish Waala!

What can a maalish waala possibly teach you in life? If you are thinking just the same and if you are wondering what he could indeed have taught me this very morning, then you cannot afford to miss upon what I am just going to narrate below, taking the liberty of citing the man at times and taking cues from the conversation that I had with him.

कहते हैं कि लोग किसी के पास बिना किसी वजह के नहीं जाते. यहाँ तो साहब मंत्री से लेके उनके चपरासी तक सभी आते हैं. मैं ये अपना सौभाग्य समझता हूँ कि मुझे इनकी सेवा करने का अवसर प्राप्त होता है. ज़रूर मैंने पिछले जन्म में कोई अच्छे कर्म ही किये होंगे जो आज मुझे इतने लोगों की तकलीफ दूर करने का एक मौका मिल रहा है.

ऐसा नहीं है कि मैं हमेशा एक सामान सोचता था. मेरे पिताजी जब शुरू में ये काम करते थे और उनके पास अनेक लोग आते थे, तब मैं अक्सर उन लोगों का रवैया देख काफी परेशान हो जाया करता था. मुझे लगता था कि इन लोगो को हमारी तकलीफ क्यों नहीं नज़र आती. बदले में क्या वो हमारे लिए ऐसे काम जो उनके स्थर पे काफी छोटे ही माने जायेंगे, नहीं करा सकते. और अगर नहीं करा सकते तो हम उनकी तकलीफ क्यों दूर करें.

ऐसे ही एक दिन इसी उधेर बुन में अपने पिताजी से मैंने पूछा कि वो क्यों करते हैं ये सब. तो उन्होंने मुझसे कहा, हर चीज़ पैसों या आपकी ज़रूरतों से नहीं तौली जा सकती. हर किसी को किसी से कोई न कोई फायदा ही हो, ये ज़रूरी नहीं. भगवान् कि दुआ है कि उन्होंने तुम्हारे पिता को इस हुनर से नवाज़ा. कहते हैं डॉक्टर भगवान् का ही रूप होते हैं. हाँ मैं मानता हूँ कि मेरे पास वो सारी डिग्री नहीं हैं जो एक डॉक्टर के पास होती है लेकिन भगवान् ने मुझे सबसे बड़ी डिग्री दी है और वो है दूसरों को ठीक कर पाने कि क्षमता. इसी इश्वर द्वारा दिए हुनर का सद्पूर्वक प्रयोग कर पाना ही मेरा सबसे बड़ा धर्म और कर्त्तव्य भी है.

उस दिन के बाद ना मैंने कभी उनसे कुछ पूछा नाही कभी किसी और के हमारे लिए कुछ ना करने पे टिपण्णी की. अपने पिता से ये हुनर सीखने के पश्चात मैं भी इसी में उनकी मदद करने लगा. मेरे पिता का ये मानना था की क्योंकि ये भगवान् की हमारे ऊपर कृपा थी, इसलिए हमें इसका कदापि दुर्रुप्योग नहीं करना चाहिए. वो हमेशा से यही चाहते थे की हम गरीबो का इलाज मुफ्त में ही करें. जो दे सकता था उससे ले लेते थे, और जो देने में सक्षम नहीं था उसका इलाज हम ऐसे ही कर देते थे.

लेकिन कभी कभी लोग हमारे इस बर्ताव का गलत इस्तमाल करने लगते हैं और पैसा होते हुए भी हमें नहीं देना चाहते हैं. बहुत सारे बड़े अधिकारी आते हैं जो हमसे ये उम्मीद रखते हैं कि हम उनका इलाज मुफ्त में ही कर दें. कभी कभी डर के तो कभी ये सोच के कि हमें पैसे के बारे में ज्यादा नहीं सोचना चाहिए हम इन बातों को अनदेखा कर देते हैं.

औरों को देख के कभी कबार बस यही लगता है, कि जब हम इस तरह से अपना जीवन संतोषपूर्वक व्यतीत कर सकते हैं तो और लोग क्यों नहीं. कभी कभी ये मन में ख्याल आता है कि लोगों को कितना पैसा चाहिए. हर कोई एक दुसरे को पीछे छोड़ देने कि होड़ में लगा हुआ है. जितना ही जो ज्यादा पैसा कमा रहा है उसकी और कमाने कि चाह बढती जा रही है. भले ही वो एक बड़ा सा डॉक्टर या बड़े से बड़ा अधिकारी क्यों ना हो.

जब भी अपने बच्चे को देखता हूँ साहब तो मन में एक अजीब सा डर बैठ जाता है कि आने वाले दिनों में किस प्रकार कि स्थिति उत्पन हो जायेगी. पता नहीं मेरा बीटा इन सब के बीच में कैसे रह पायेगा. पता नहीं वो अपना रह गुज़र कैसे कर पायेगा. मगर एक बात तो तय है साहब, मैं अपने बेटे को भी वही सारी शिक्षा देना चाहूँगा जो मेरे पिताजी ने मुझे दी. इसीलिए शायद आज तक मैं अपना सर उठा के संतोष से जीवन व्यतीत कर पा रहा हूँ.

After having had that conversation with the man, I had no words left in my system. This whole conversation was more than enough to send me down my memory lane. On one hand, where I could remember all the words that my father had spoken to me once, as a child, on the other hand, I was amazed at the kind of ethics and morality that the man had demonstrated, considering the fact that a man in his position might not think in the same manner as he does and might not be so calm about the fact that he is barely able to earn a day’s living and even then, he sees his profession as a mere reflection of what the God has bestowed upon him.

Truly an inspiration and hats off to the guy for being the person that he is!

Source for Image: http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/how-olive-oil-works3.htm, http://www.asme.org/kb/news—articles/articles/engineering-ethics/embedding-ethics-in-engineering-education

The Misleading Perceptions!

Perceptions can sometimes turn out to be a mockery of one’s rational outlook towards different things in life. And what we see at times can just turn out to be another illusion.

If you are wondering by any chance, why suddenly I am talking about perceptions and illusions, it is because of this incident that I happened to witness today in the morning, while going for my morning walk.

To tell you about the place and the surroundings where this incident actually happened, there is this flyover that is in the process of being built near my apartment and seemed to have resulted in a number of skirmishes, courtesy the poor management of the project by the state government and illogical and irrational methodology of implementation which surely seemed to have taken a toll on the lives of the so many living in the vicinity.

Without going into the details of how the projects are implemented in India and trying not to sound too critical of the same, there is this railway crossing that passes right below the proposed flyover. One side of the road is blocked courtesy all the construction material that has been dumped. The other and the only side which was supposed to be a one-way affair has now turned out into a two-way affair with people trying to find their way amongst all the chaos and traffic.

Though the traffic is not at its peak in the morning hours, yet the road has become so narrow that if one doesn’t bring out the best driving skills that one possesses, then surely, he or she is bound to collide with a vehicle coming from the opposite side. And that is exactly what happend in the morning.

A man in his mid-forties, or atleast seemed to be so, who happened to be driving his i-10 managed to barge into a SUV by the name of Xylo, being driven by a hugely built guy, who looked nothing less than a body builder. To his fortune or misfortune, the SUV was adorned with flags of a political party by the name of SP who had managed to come into power in the state in the previously held state elections.

Surely the man in his forties had noticed the flag, for his face had gone pale by the time the body builder stepped out of his Xylo and started to move towards the man, fearing the consequences of the incident that had just ensued in front of his eyes.

Expecting that a flurry of bad words would be thrown from each side, coupled with a high probability that a one-sided fight might start, the man in his forties decided to lock his car from inside and thought that he might as well look for a way to escape.

But he could find none, for by the time he reacted, the railway crossing had already closed, waiting for the train to pass by. Realizing that there was no escape available, the man decided to step out of his i-10.

The body builder walked up close to the man, who by then had already started preparing for what seemed to be and can be referred to as the first war of his life. The body builder raised his right hand and kept it on the man’s shoulder. As the man was about to retaliate using his right fist, the body builder said to the man, “Sahab, did you get hurt? I am sorry for the incovenience that I have caused you. You can bring your car to my brother’s garrage. He will repair it.”

On hearing what the body builder had to say, the man couldn’t but believe what he was hearing. On one hand where he was perplexed seeing the unexpected unfold in front of his eyes, on the other hand he was happy for he didn’t have to go through what he had just thought about with regards to the consequences.

The man took the body builder’s leave, accepting his apology and thanking him for the offer that he had made. The body builder too got back into his SUV to proceed to where he was heading.

I, on my part, couldn’t believe what I had just seen. Such courteous behaviour was totally unexpected on part of the body builder who belonged to the ruling party. I wondered how my perceptions towards the guys belonging to political parties (which by the way are based on some of the incidents that I had earlier witnessed and by all stretch of imagination this was truly an exception) had made me imagine things similar to what the man in his forties had, while seated in his car and while trying to find a way to escape.

But this particular incident certainly made me wonder whether it is always a good idea to jump to conclusions based on a set of perceptions. Isn’t it a good policy to give one a benefit of doubt? After all, it doesn’t cost you much for being considerate and moderate. Does it?

Source for Image: http://www.cartell.ie/trade/trade-help/write-off-help/accident-with-two-cars-3/, http://shanegarrison.org/2011/10/07/lanbaptist-sermon-audio/

The Words of Wisdom!

Yesterday, I had the fortune of meeting a person whom I have admired throughout my life and has been a source of inspiration whenever I found myself down and out. It was probably the last time that I was meeting him.

The man is in his late nineties and is on a ventilator. It is an irony that a man who has been instrumental in breathing life in so many, is now himself struggling to get that one gasp of air and is surviving, courtesy the ventilator that has come to his rescue.

On entering his room in the hospital, the sight of him lying on a bed with the ventilator on, brought tears in my eyes and I could barely speak. As had always been the case, and true to his nature, he took the initiative of breaking the silence that had ensued there in the room.

“Kush, how have you been, son?” Even in the state that he happens to find himself in, the sight of seeing someone he knows, springs him back into the positivity that I have always found associated with him.

“Son, I was wondering whether I will be able to meet you before I bid adieu to this world.” He carried on as I sat next to his bed on a chair.

“You know, Kush, I have had a great life and have no regrets what so ever. But sometimes, I feel bemused by the kind of importance we tend to give to certain things at certain point of time in our lives. How insignificant they are, we only realize when, say, we are on our death bed. May be, that is because our priorities and the maturity level associated with the same are bound to change with time and I guess it is a natural progression for one to be moving through all the ashrams that are so well described in our Hindu religious texts.

It is only now, that I realize what a great man my father was. What great thinking he possessed. With the kind of simplicity that he led his life, he was sure to derive immense pleasure and satisfaction. He always used to tell me about the virtues associated with simple living and high thinking. But how naive I was at that time, to have not taken him seriously. I guess that’s because of the generation gap that we had amongst us and no matter how hard he tried explaining the same to me, I wouldn’t listen believing that what I thought was right.

Now, when I tell my children the same things, they don’t take me seriously. I am sure they will only realize when their time would come. This makes me wonder about how well this cycle of life is inscribed on our slate of destiny. At the end of the day, all the materialistic pleasures and things like ego, self-esteem don’t really matter. What you leave behind is your deeds and emotions and reactions associated with those deeds. It is your choice, after all as to how you would want to be remembered once you are gone.“

As he spoke, the doctor walked in, “Mr. Sharma, how are you feeling you? You are not supposed to talk this much. So take some rest.”

“Doctor, these are possibly going to be my last words. And here you are telling me to withhold even these.” He smiled back at the doctor, who signalled at me, that it was time for the check up and that I needed to leave.

I got up from the chair and took his blessings. As I walked out of the room, I wondered whether I will be able to see him again and the words of wisdom that he had spoken resonated inside me: “What you leave behind is your deeds and emotions and reactions associated with those deeds. It is your choice, after all as to how you would want to be remembered once you are gone.“

On second thoughts, does it really matter how one remembers us? Does it have any kind of bearing on what we are going to do when we are gone from here? And for that matter, should we really care about the manner in which this world might want to look at us?

Well, to be frank, the answer to all the above lies in, “it won’t really matter once we are gone.” But somehow, whether we like it or not, we do leave a legacy behind us in the form of our children and grandchildren. So, even if we are being really selfish and are concerned about ourselves and even if doing good in this kalyug might not be the aim of our lives, we cannot just ignore our near and dear ones, as they are the ones who might have to bear the brunt of all what we did in our lives.

In that case, the best option is to chose a path where one is able to do good for others and to others. I agree that it might not be the easiest of paths to tread, but one thing that I can assure you is that it is indeed one of the most satisfying of paths that you will ever tread in your life.

Source for Image: http://www.placeofblissacademy.com/Wisdom-Sanctuary.html, http://www.unitedmethodistreporter.com/2012/07/qa-doing-good-being-holy/

 

The No. 1 Aunty!

I have had the fortune of knowing this wonderful lady for years now. Her husband was my father’s colleague (now retired) and they used to reside right in front of our government alloted house.

Whenever I used to meet her in a social gathering or at either of our homes, she would go on talking about how well her son and daughter were performing in their respective classes and were rewarded for the same by their schools. It seemed as if there were no better kids than hers on this planet Earth.

When it came to her husband, she was not much behind with citation of circumstances when her husband was able to pull off a great feat and was able to restore the dignity of the government department. It seemed that the department was performing well only because of the efforts that her husband was putting in.

Pretentious, as it might sound, all her hopes and aspirations were hooked on to her children and husband. I guess, our mother’s generation belonged to an era wherein they were supposed to derive happiness and satisfaction from their husband’s and children’s success.

Courtesy her efforts, her son qualified the JEE examination and went on to study engineering from IIT Kanpur, which she used to refer to as the No. 1 institute for engineering in India and this time around she had the rankings to boost her claim. If this was not enough, right after completing his B.Tech from IIT Kanpur, he went on to do a PhD from MIT, which is again considered to be one of the best (though for her it was always THE BEST).

Her daughter was not much behind and she went a step further to do an MBA from IIM Ahmedabad, which again the aunty claimed to be not only best in India but also the best amongst all colleges offering the MBA course whether it be in India or abroad.

The lady, was in true senses, a replica of the numero uno. I am sure she must have derived great pleasure from boasting about her children and husband. I am sure, that must have been the aim of her life. But yesterday, when I met her again, after a long time, she looked very old and dull. As if the exuberence and confidence, that she once used to reflect, was taken away from her and she looked a pale reflection of her true self, the self which I had associated with her.

She could barely walk without the support of her stick which she held in her right hand. At first, she had difficulty in recognizing who I was. It was only after she was sure about the sanctity of the person walking alongside her that she began talking to me in a frank tone.

“How have you been, Kush? I met your mother a couple of days back.”—Aunty started the conversation.

“Aunty, I am doing fine. How is everything with bhaiya and didi? How is uncle doing? Haven’t met him since ages.”—I joined in.

“You know, Kush! Uncle and I have gone old now. We just want to see our kids doing well. It just reminded me that my son have just switched jobs in US. I don’t remember the name of the company. I am sure you might be knowing it. It is the best private sector company in the entire World.”—-As she spoke, I could see it in her eyes, the confidence and joy of being No. 1 was back.

“Of course aunty! Both bhaiya and didi have always been there, right at the top.” I smiled back as I took her leave to head back home.

As I was heading back, there was this big smile on my face and I wondered:”Some things do not and should never change.”

Source for Image: http://webfronter.com/greenwich/DiscoverySchool/menu0/School_Information/Discovery_Parents_Group/Discovery_Parents_Group.html, http://wallpaperswide.com/numero_uno-wallpapers.html

Zinda ho Tum?

It is 3 a.m. in the morning. I don’t know why the hell I am not sleeping. Without going into the details of why I am not sleeping and ignoring what the doctor had to tell me the other day when I went for a check up regarding my backbone (as both these tend to make me not feel good about myself ), I must tell you how wonderful a view I just got to witness from my balcony, which is fortunately located on the 7th floor of a high rise apartment in my city.

I could nearly see the entire city sleeping right in front of my eyes. The silence is too intriguing, only to be broken by a couple of vehicles that tend to race down the street in search of their respective destinations. Even the government colony (I have always wondered as to which department it belongs to but haven’t found the same till date), which stands right across my apartment, seems a master piece when it comes to the architectural description of the same.

I, feeling this way, could only mean two things. Either the government has become very creative or I have lost it at 3 a.m. in the morning and am in the mode of hallucinating about things ranging from anything to everything in this World. Somehow, I have become a die-hard fan of the calm and the silence coupled with the suspense that night tends to bring along with itself.

This whole night phenomenon tends to cast its serene shadow on all the homo sapiens who have got so used to missing all the charisma that tends to accompany the moon. I guess, it is because of the way in which we have evolved over time that we have got so accustommed to be sleeping at night and performing all our livelihood activities during the day time.

I, sometimes, wonder how different the things would have been if it was the other way round. Consider a scenario wherein our predecessors had the luxury of light and energy. Would they have preferred slogging in the heat during day-time or instead would they have chosen to work in the extremely pleasant weather that night choses to bestow upon us? And in that case, we would all be sleeping during the day time and working at night. How wonderful it would have been to see the rising sun after having slogged hard at night!

Coming back to the reality, we are still very much living a so called normal life, where we sleep at night and work during the day-time. The circadian rythms tend to follow a normal course in this case and we all tend to be happy living a very normal and at times dull and boring life.

It is not that keeping awake at night is going to make our lives happening. It is just that how used to we have all become to leading a normal way of life that on every occassion where the situation demands a bit of risk to be taken at our end, we tend to shy away from the same, thinking about the consequences that it might bring along with itself and wondering whether it is in our own interest to be deviating away from the normal way of life that we have got so accustommed to living.

Today, I was talking to a very dear friend of mine, who was telling me how much he would have loved to break free from the shackles of the normal life that he is living at the moment. How much he wished he could just get away from all the daily hassels that he involuntarily has to go through.

I know that it is not possible to be doing this every day. And some of you might even contest the claim that the normal life is the ideal life, so to say, as it tends to bring along stability, a sense of responsibility and in turn makes us become the ideal societal being that this society wants to turn us all into.

True to some extent, and of course I am not averse to the idea of having normality restored in our lives. What I don’t like, though, is that in trying to lead a normal life, we all tend to lose the essence of life altogether. We end up getting caught in this 5-day (Thank God it is Friday TGIF) kind of notions, wherein all the pleasure and the fun emanating from the very concept of life seems to get lost in this materialistic hooplah.

What better way to conclude this article than by taking a leaf from the movie ZNMD (Zindagi na Milegi Dobara):

Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho.

Toh zinda ho tum!

Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

Hawa ke jhonkon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho

Tum ek dariya ke jaise, leharon mein behna seekho

Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein

Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhe ye nigaahe

Jo apni aankhon mein hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum!

Source for Image: http://www.the-means-of-life.blogspot.in/, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zindagi_Na_Milegi_Dobara

Strategic Middle Path!

Yesterday, in the evening, I had this wonderful opportunity of visiting my paternal aunt’s place (bua) after a long time. Though, I happen to live in the same city as she, yet I would like to admit that I had been acting a little lazy of late and had not been able to find the time and motivation to visit her place in recent times. Though, some of this laziness can be attributed to the kind of work that I do and the kind of revoluntionary age that we all happen to be living in, which truly can be referred to as the age of internet.

On one hand where the internet tends to make our lives comfortable and easy, on the other hand, it tends to create a divide amongst the friends and relatives who all seemed to be caught up in this web that is woven by the technology around ourselves and we end up leading our lives in a virtual world.

Have you ever wondered whether living in this virtual world has made us all lose touch not only with our near and dear ones but also the nature and the environment and in a way has deprived us all of the pleasure and happiness that togertherness seems to shower upon us?

Yes, in a way, the internet has been instrumental in solving numerous problems and issues that might have haunted us in the years to come and it has indeed proven to be a boon on numerous occassions and situations where otherwise we might have found ourselves wanting.

But the manner in which, we have ended up using the services of this ubiquitous facility has to be called into question and needs to be reconsidered and deliberated upon. It is always a good idea to extract all the good things and to discard away all the bad ingredients. True to its core, we haven’t managed to do just the above and have ended up losing upon the fun and excitement that human contact tends to bring along with itself.

Breaking away from this mode in which I had been caught since a couple of months, I decided to break away all the shackles and tried catching up with all the family members who could possibly turn up on this occassion where we all gathered to celebrate the birthday of one of my bhanjas.

It was a truly memorable experience having had long conversations with my cousins on topics ranging from anything to everything. To put a cherry on the cake was the delicious food and the desserts that were served immediately after the cake cutting ceremony.

As I bid goodnight to all the relatives present there and sat in my car to drive back home, I realized how much I might have missed in the past couple of months just because I happened to make myself hooked on to the virtual pleasures of life ignoring the reality altogether.

It is amazing how a balanced lifestyle can end up increasing the happiness quotient and in turn the well being of an individual. It plays a very significant role when it comes to getting rid of and overcoming our tensions in life. It acts as the best antidote to the increasingly materialistic rat race that we all seemed to have got so used to running and the associated stress that comes as a part and parcel of the failures and success that we end up facing having become a part of all the hooplah surrounding this race.

At the end of the day, the onus of finding peace of mind lies on the individual. Some amongst you might want to derive it by earning lot of money. Some might want to abandon all this and instead choose to live a life of seclusion. As suggested by Lord Buddha, and as propagated by numerous philosophers, the Middle Path seems to provide us with the best way, which if tread, tends to give us the most amount of happiness and satisfaction in life.

But what the hell is this middle path? And how can one go about treading the same? Does it mean that we should give away all our ambitions and instead lead a life which is dull to the core?

Well, these are some natural queries that tends to haunt our mind in order to achieve this eternal happiness that we all tend to crave for at some point or other in our lives. As far as I am concerned, I have been able to come out with this definition of Middle Path which might not find resonance with the original proponents of the theory but seems to do me good:

“We all are social beings. All our motives, apart from the basic needs, are culturally and socially determined, which makes me think that if we are able to take care of our social needs, we will end up living a satisfied life.

In every society, there are norms, values and definitions of what is successful and what is not. We are culturally and socially conditioned to follow and accept most of these defintions. Breaking away from these is indeed an onerous task. So, instead of correcting or modifying such defintions, it is not such a bad idea to accept some of these which tend to fit in our own concept of life and to ignore those which don’t tend to go along well with this concept that we have developed over a period of time.

What we are left with is a set of customized concepts of what we might want to achieve in life. Having found the concepts, the next step is to develop a strategy for achieving the same and to implement it thereafter.

Even after knowing the strategy and the goal, one might not always emerge successful. By this I mean one might not always end up achieving what one might have thought of achieving after successful implementation of a strategy.

First of all, you must think that the success lies not in achieving the fruit but in implementing the strategy to the best of one’s ability. Of course, there will be sense of disappointment, but it will never be able to have an impact on your confidence.

What this will ensure is that it will give you the courage to re-evaluate your strategy and will help you in putting your best foot forward for a second time with increased determination and motivation.

Amongst all this, by maintaining a balance between your professional and social life, you will be able to find that synergy needed for rejuvenating one’s mind and persona and the support that no matter how much one denies, everyone seems to need it at some point of time in their lives.

So, if I have to conclude all the above in a single line, I would say: Middle Path is all about going after your customized goals keeping at all times a customized definition of success in your mind, at the same time maintaining that all important balance between personal/social and professional life.“

Source for Image: http://theunboundedspirit.com/following-the-middle-path-in-depression/, http://louisejames157.blogspot.in/2012/04/birthday-celebration-scavenger-hunt.html

Patte Mat Kholiyo!

There is this guy who is trying to get married these days. Believing that he doesn’t have a copyright over his so called philosophy of sorts for things ranging from getting married to behaving in a certain manner in his professional life, I am taking this liberty of borrowing his philosophy and concepts to explain, at the same time understand what he really means when he says “main apne patte kabhi bhi nahi kholta” .

To understand what he really means by this, let me cite a few situations, along with the actions taken by him:

Situation No. 1: A friend calls and asks him: “are you going home this weekend?” to which he neither replies in the affirmative or negative but just says that he might go the week after. On being asked, why he didn’t give a straight answer in a yes or a no, he is more than happy to reveal the strategy behind his answer. He says that if he tells his friend that he would go this weekend and if he doesn’t happen to go, then the friend would think that he had lied. And if he goes after having told his friend that he won’t go, then if the friend comes to know about the same, his friend would again feel upset about the same. So, instead of giving a straightforward answer, he choses not to and he refers to this strategy as patte nahi kholna.

Situation No. 2: The girl’s father, who had come to meet him, asks him whether he drinks, to which he replies that he is a vegetarian. By answering in such a manner, he ensures two things. One is that he is able to change the topic of conversation. Secondly, the girl’s father having heard that the guy is a vegetarian perceives him to be a person who doesn’t drink. By this he ensures that the girl’s father doesn’t come to know about his drinking habits, in case he drinks, and in turn considers him a good guy (which makes me wonder how our society is good at stereotyping people and putting them into good and bad categories based on their so called good and bad habits). Once again, he manages to keep himself in good regard at the same time ensures that he doesn’t open his cards (patte).

From the couple of situations that I have cited above, it is clear that he is thinking about a lot of permutations and combinations before saying anything. His brain must be really efficient considering the fact that it does so many computations and is able to take care of the numerous thought processes that seem to be going on in his mind at one point of time (which makes me wonder that he might be using at least 10% of his brains that he has, more than what Mr. Einstein might have used during his times).

On one hand where he manages to keep all the problems at an arm’s length, on the other hand he is able to emerge a successful person in our so called practical society. But one thing that I keep wondering about and am quite perplexed about is how difficult it might be for a person to keep applying his mind to things that, if you chose to behave in a straightforward manner, you might not have to do the same.

On second thoughts, when I look at things happening around myself, I sometimes wonder whether what he does might be the right way of leading one’s life and the most appropriate manner in which one can handle situations arising in one’s life.

I just wonder whether patte mat kholo philosophy should be adopted by all. What say? I guess the answer to this should be customized according to one’s own sweet will and the happiness that comes along as a part and parcel of being attached to this free will.

As long as you are not inflicting any harm on any other person and as long as it is not adopted with any bad intention in mind, it might be ok for those who chose to lead their life going by the doctrines of this philosophy.

As far as I am concerned, I find it easier to be straight forward, which at times, can and does have bad consequences for me. After all it is a trade-off. With any thing and any decision that you make, comes along the pros and cons.

At the end of the day, the onus lies upon you to decide for yourself, as to what’s best for you.

 

The Chulli Effect!

What a night it is turning out to be! I haven’t slept. It’s already 5:15 a.m. in the morning. Good food, great friends and some awesome bulla (talks), what more does one need in life?

It is quite amazing and entertaining at the same time, that we don’t get tired of talking about our college days and the events ensued in there again and again with similar passion that we possessed when we talked about the same for the first time.

And today, we happened to be talking about a phenomenon which I would like to call the chulli effect. When you enter college, you don’t tend to have a maturity level which would allow you to understand various aspects of life, which can be easily comprehended, say 2-3 years down the line, after having graduated from the same.

To my surprise, this phenomenon was not only known to everyone in college but was also used strategically at times. Now, let me first define the phenomenon for you. Only then you will be able to appreciate whatever I am talking.

Suppose, someone tells you a well kept secret of his/her life and requests you not to tell it to anyone else. You agree to the same, but there is this uneasiness and restlessness both inside you and the person who told you the secret, which forces you to tell it to anyone and everyone whom you possibly can and forces the person who told you the secret to tell it to you. Such kind of arousal inside a person is what I call the chulli effect.

There are two stakeholders to this contract. The one who tells a secret, who cannot help himself/herself from revealing the truth as it is too much for him/her to handle and keep it inside him/her. The second stakeholder is the person who promises that he/she won’t tell it to anyone.

Strange as it might sound, a secret remains a secret only when it is known to you. The moment you tell a second person about the same, rest assured that it will be known to every significant and insignificant person in your life. So, think twice before you tell a secret to anyone in the World.

How many times have we heard what I have just mentioned in the previous couple of lines? I guess, innumerous number of times and yet we are unable to prevent this urge from surfacing in our life.

Without going into the psychology as to why we are not successful at keeping this urge (chulli) in check, I would like to tell you about this effect which was used strategically by some in college in such a subtle manner that you would only realize it when it has happened to you twice or thrice.

There used to be some real smart guys and girls in our college. Before telling you about such guys, let me ask you this simple question. If you have to tell something to others and you want to make it a propaganda of sorts, then what would you normally do?

I guess, you would go to the persons you want them to know about this and tell them straightaway. But what these witty and smart guys used to do was that they would go to one person with the strongest urge on planet Earth and would reveal their well kept secret to this guy/girl. Before leaving they would request this guy/girl not to tell it to anyone.

The moment that information was received by the guy/girl with the most amount of chulli, it used to spread like a virus in the entire campus, thereby spreading the word around and ensuring that these witty guys achieved what they wanted at the end of the day, and which was to spread the word around about a well kept secret. (sometimes I wonder whether the term viral marketing has had its origins in this chulli effect concept)

As a result, these witty guys would use this chulli concept in order to create a buzz in the campus. What their intentions might be behind doing the same is a different issue altogether and can be talked about separately .

But the crux of the matter lies in utilization of this phenomenon to one’s advantage. I guess these witty guys are the ones, who have tasted success the most, particularly in the private sector.

Why they have been so successful is quite obvious, considering that they have been real street smart throughout their entire lives. They have understood the concept better than most of the others and have been able to put it into practice, thereby reaping the benefits of their sowed comprehension.

So, the question that comes to mind after reading all the above is, have these street smart and witty people been able to overcome their chulli in life? Well, if they had they wouldn’t be telling their well kept secret to anyone for that matter. But they do tell and ensure that they use this phenomenon to the best of their capability at the same time ensuring that it works in their favour.

These people have conquered the art of using this urge (chulli) so perfectly that it has become very much a part of their lives. No doubt, they have turned out to be successful, but what about the credibility of the same person, in case the others come to know about the strategy that he/she might have been using all through in his/her life in order to meet his/her ends.

On second thoughts, some might be tempted to suggest that the chulli effect can be used in a positive manner as well. It all depends on what your aim is and what you intend to achieve by using this phenomenon.

Very true, indeed! There are always two aspects of the same thing. One aspect motivates and enables you to chose the so called right/moral path. The other one, which is often easier than the first, tells you about what all you can achieve by behaving in a notorious manner and in turn makes you lose control of yourself.

As a result, one ends up indulging in things which one might repent for, sometime later in life. So, before you try to use this phenomenon, think twice about the intentions and aim behind using the same and the consequences that might follow such an action.

At the end of the day, it is you, who will be sole decision maker when it comes to making the right choices in your life and you better be upto it, for you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a lot of repentance.

Source for Image: http://www.blogussion.com/community/urge-community-response/, http://www.gaychristian101.com/Repentance.html

The Ubiquitous Concept!

It is extremely fascinating to witness how our mind transforms at a pace which is incomprehensible and truly admirable. Mind, which consists of unlimited memories, seems to drive us crazy by keeping us hooked on to something in an era in one instant and then, in the next, take us to a totally different era, where we might find ourselves reminiscing and reliving the very same moments which once upon a time, seemed so significant to us and might not seem to have much significance now, considering that we have evolved and have managed to move on.

It is not that everytime, we tend to remember good things. There are times, when the bad ones do come to haunt us and we feel wanting seeing us not being able to cope up with the same. Even if we manage to come out of it, more often than not, we are left with bad taste and are left with no option but to indulge in activities which help us come out of the impact that such remembrance might have had on our psyche.

It is also not that everytime, we tend to remember our own experiences. It might be a story that had been told to us by someone, holding much significance in our lives or it might be a movie scene that tend to have a lasting imprint on our minds, which no matter how much we want, we are unable to get rid of the same, in case it is a bad one. The good ones, are ofcourse, savoured and well kept in our memories.

This brings us to the question: Is it in our hands to enable a good or a bad memory to surface in what I call the reality horizon? Can we prevent the bad ones and allow only the good ones to enter our consciousness? Can we indeed develop a mechanism and hence a device which will enable us to do just the above?

The answers to the above can be well discovered and found in many of the sci-fi movies being made mostly in Hollywood. I haven’t come across anything like that in reality which can control our minds more than what we can. May be sometime in the future, with the pace of evolution of artificial intelligence, we might end up seeing such a feat being achieved during my life time.

Some would answer the same saying that it depends on whether we have a positive or a negative mindset. In case of the latter, the bad memories have a higher probability of finding their way out into our consciousness. Does it mean that we should try to avoid thinking negatively and try to maintain a positive frame of mind at all times? And if it does, then how, on earth, are we supposed to ignore all the bad things that might be happening to us.

Some tend to take the help of a concept that we all are so familiar with and which is the concept of destiny and rebirth. All the things that do not tend to find resonance with good things in life, they attribute it to their destiny which seems to be playing games with them, at all times, irrespecitve of our liking or disliking for the same.

What is more ironical are the claims put forth by this concept of destiny. It tells us that everything had been fixed the very moment we all took birth on this planet, based on what we might have done in our previous births. The things that are supposed to happen and have been preplanned will happen. The only thing that one can do is to decrease the severity of a bad thing and increase the joy that a good thing might bring to us by behaving in a manner, as suggested by the proponents of this science, which they all call Astrology.

For me, it is very difficult to accept that everything had been written for me, and I am just living a life like a robot over which I don’t have any control what so ever. So, I choose not to accept the concept as it is. But that doesn’t mean that I reject the concept totally as well.

This concept of destiny helps me to overcome my setbacks, if and when I face in my life. After having done all the hard work, if still I don’t get what I desired, in order to overcome the disappointment I tend to use this concept to my advantage. After all, it is extremely convenient to get rid of our failure and the disappointment arising out of the same by saying: it was God who didn’t want this for us, for He had conceptualised a life very different from what we might have been contemplating and after all whatever happens is for good.

Why I tend to fall back on such an irrational concept is because there are so many things which tend to be irrational in this World, and for which we are not able to find any logical and rational explanation, and we are left with no other option but to leave things as it is with our hands folded in front of the Almighty.

Until the truth is discovered, we cannot tell for sure, as to what it is. In the current scenario with the amount of information at our disposal, we are left with little option but to fall back once again on our beliefs, which we all tend to label as our Destiny.

Moreover, if it is helping one to get out of depression mode, then what can be better than taking refuge in the same. As long as it is not making you a lethargic person, it has beneficial effects. The moment one starts to use it as an excuse for all our failures and lack of hard work, it loses its essence.

For all those who believe in the same, you must not use it as an excuse for not being able to achieve something in life. It should only help you get over your disappointments and rejuvenate you to work harder. For those who don’t believe in the concept, instead of feeling low and lost, it might not be such a bad option to fall back on this ubiquitous concept of DESTINY.

Source for Image: http://worldpulse.com/node/60540, http://www.indiedb.com/groups/unity-devs/features/6-steps-to-play-with-players-mind