Jessica Scott's Blog, page 40

Media Impact on Society

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

I write a lot about media impact on my daughters. I was on twitter this weekend talking about my oldest daughter having received a Moxy Girl doll for her birthday. The doll never made it into the house and I am not ashamed of that.

As a woman in the military, I am cognizant of the fact that I stand out. I am used to being in the minority but I have never used that as an excuse and I have never thought there was anything I could not do because I was a girl (except Ranger School and that's a whole other story). I wrote for PBS Point of View last year on Women in the Military and I stand by the positions I took then. Nothing about being in command has changed how I feel about women in the military.

But watching this video upset me on an entirely fundamental level. I am aware of the media impact on me. In the nine months since my husband has deployed, I have literally sat by myself and watched TV two or three times. It stays off. My daughters watch very little TV and then it is highly restricted. No iCarly. No Hannah Montana. No Nickelodeon.

The video on this post illustrates why I am so strict about limiting my daughters exposure to media, both online and on TV. They will never have TVs in their rooms. They have no access to the internet. And the toys they have are not Bratz or Moxie Dolls or any of the scandalous toys geared toward our daughters.

What is truly frightening about the above video is that nothing there is untrue. It is not some man hating video talking about how women are oppressed, it is highlighting the media culture that you and I live in. It is highlighting the images and the videos and the messages that we as adults and our children, are exposed to every single day.

If you lived in a foreign country and knew nothing about America and saw this video, what would you say? What does this say about our culture that we call one of the most powerful women in the world a dominatrix? That, regardless of how you feel about her politics, we ask Sarah Palin if she's had a boob job.

I'm not asking to change your mind. All I'm asking is that you watch the above video and think about the messages we surround ourselves with every single day.

Performance Anxiety

No, this isn't a blog about dick jokes. It's actually something I've been thinking about for a while but haven't made time to really dig into. I've been talking a lot about taking the GRE lately on Twitter and it's my definition of personal hell. I've always sucked at math. My guidance counselor in high school laughed at me when I told him my dream was to go to the Air Force Academy (thank you Iron Eagle and Top Gun) but to do that, I needed to be in advanced algebra. Of course, I didn't let him tell me no and subsequently spent the next four years in high school being that kid who always asked the same question over and over and over again until it clicked.

It never really did.

Fast forward 16 plus years and I've literally done everything I can to avoid math. I say this with the irony of my life being that I'm the one who does the taxes and balances the checkbook every month but I digress. I'm not a math fan. I wish I was. I wish I was the kind of person who could add up tips in their head and do multiplication without using a calculator. Sadly, I'm not. And all of this avoidance of math is coming back to haunt me at the moment because I've spent the last two weeks and will spend the next two weeks, cramming for the GRE.

See I've got this wild hair across my fourth point of contact that I want to go teach at West Point and I need to get into graduate school to do this. Now, I don't think I'm a moron but let me tell you, that first GRE practice test I took didn't agree. When I say abysmal, it's new definitions of the word. I can stare at a quant problem all damn day and never have a clue how to start working it.

But today, I did something a teeny bit different. I read an article somewhere that talked about how chocolate has some of the same chemical effects on the body as marijuana. I've never really been a fan of weed, so obviously, the chocolate news came as a huge boon to my excuse factory of why I needed chocolate in the house. And I've also discovered that a glass of wine is enough to just take the edge off. I'm not pounding an entire bottle. Just one glass.

So today, I sat down, loaded up the practice exam and went to town. I've been studying vocab all week. I've got math flash cards. But nothing really mattered as much as not feeling that squeezing pressure on my chest as I went through the quant sections on the exam. One of the test tricks the books teach you is to skip the questions you don't know and take the easy test first by answering the ones you did know. So I did that but this time, I didn't feel guilty or scared or nervous. I just clicked through.

The verbal section didn't change much. But the quant? I raised my quant score significantly on the new scale. Which isn't to say that I'm passing yet but I'm closer today than I was last week. And I felt better when I saw that little jump in the numbers. Was it because I'd been studying? Maybe. But I'm actually more inclined to think that without the anxiety squeezing off air to my brain, I was able not to panic a little more and was able to actually, well, think.

So anxiety matters. And while I'm still working on dealing with that through deep breathing, sometimes, a glass of wine will do the trick, too. Maybe a glass of wine and few pieces of Godiva made the difference.

The world may never know.

The Official Blog Tour for Because of You

So remember a few weeks ago when I was wondering how one coordinated a blog tour for a book launch? I was somewhat confused about where the process began, what I should be doing to promote my book and what I was going to screw up.

Twitter came to the rescue once again and a few folks who you'll see below came to the rescue and offered up some spots to help promo my debut novel Because of You.

Not only do I have those amazing blogs lined up, I've got a blog post just about every day for a month, starting the week after next. And I'm triple booked for release day, which it just dawned on me was Veterans Day this year, which is somewhat appropriate, I guess, because Shane and Carponti and all the guys in Because of You are inspired by the guys around me that I serve with every single day.

So if you're interested in checking out where I'll be through the month of October and November, here's the list so far. I'm trying to figure out how to put the links up on the sidebar of my blog, so I'll get to that one of these days (probably after I fail the GRE but I digress).

I'm really, really excited about this. I love reading author blogs especially when they're talking about something different. So luckily, some of these dates are interviews and other dates are me rambling on about various and sundry topics (seriously, give me some ideas about what you're curious about, otherwise, you're going to hear about my cats).

There's more to follow but here's the list so far!

10/24 – Pink Heart Society

11/2 – Riding With The Top Down

11/4 – The Book Pushers Debut Author Feature

11/6 – Muderati

11/7- Kate Davies

11/9 – RT – Morgan Doremus

11/10 – SMEXYBOOKS

11/11 – BOOKBINGE

11/11 – Ex Libiris

11/12 – FICTION VIXEN

11/13 – Interview on Romance At Random

11/14- USA Today's-Happily Ever After Blog

11/14 – Fresh Fiction

11/14 – Plot Monkeys

11/15 – Mindy Klasky's Blog

11/16 – The Bookpushers

11/17 – Vauxhall Vixens

11/20 – Read React Review

11/22 – Murder She Writes

Was It Worth It?

I'm sitting here tonight in a crappy hotel room in Sierra Vista Arizona. I'm away from my kids. I'm alone but for the bright white screen of my computer and I'm thinking. It's never a good sign when I start getting introspective but sitting here tonight, I am, so here goes.

See, the last time I was out here in sunny Arizona, I'd left my kids with my mom, kissed them goodbye and said I'll see you in a week. And they were relatively okay. Granted, Daddy had just deployed and then Mommy took off right afterwards, but they were cool because Grammy had come to see them.

The week came and went without incident. Until it didn't. I was waiting in DFW airport when the voicemail came through. My youngest had fallen and hit her head. She'd fallen off the bunk beds and she was throwing up so my mom decided to take her into the emergency room. The short version is that I landed in Killeen with enough time to go straight to the hospital and get on the Life Flight. My little girl had been evac'd from Fort Hood down to Dell Children's Hospital where she spent the next 4 days in intensive care, ordering bacon and cookies and watching How to Train Your Dragon. Me, on the other hand? I sat there and cried and worried and tried not to scare my husband with Red Cross messages that said Call Home NOW.

As I was sitting there, worrying about whether or not my daughter had torn the lining on her brain, worrying about whether she would need surgery, about whether this vibrant four year old who says the damndest things was going to be okay, I went back to the same thought. I wasn't there. For the second time in her life, my little girl had gone to the ER and I wasn't there.

Luckily, she was fine. She pulled through like a champ and she's right back to terrifying all of us because the little bugger has no fear. And as she healed, I put away my worry and my guilt and I went on being a company commander. We worked hard this summer. When I say I literally didn't see my kids, there were whole weeks where I saw them for five minutes at bed time.

But before you feel bad for me, remember, I made my choice. No one made me interview for command. No one held a gun to my head and said take the guidon. I wanted this job for the sole purpose that I wanted to make a difference. Not for the report card. Not to check the command block on career progression. I wanted to make a difference. Hopefully, that difference would be a positive one. Just like every soldier in uniform, I volunteered. I had a choice and I chose this job.

All that said, I'm sitting here tonight in Arizona and I can't shake the heavy weight deep in my belly. I know my daughter will be fine. But what if something else happens? What happens at the end of the day that you don't get another tomorrow. I've been so busy this summer, I barely saw my house. I barely saw my kids. I planned an entire day's schedule last week around one task: I would not fail in bringing cupcakes to school for my daughter's birthday. I promised her last week that I would be home on time and I broke that promise to her. Blew it right out of the water. That's what I get for promising. All I could do was apologize to her and tell her Mommy was sorry she wasn't home. She smiled and said "were your lieutenants acting up again?" She made me laugh at least.


But I don't get to fix that broken promise. I hope I have plenty of tomorrows left to try and make it up to her. What if I don't? Will I honestly look back at the summer of 2011 and say I wish I'd worked harder? Or will I regret that I wasn't at the pool on the weekend with my kids because command had taken every single thing that I'd had that week and I just needed to lie on the couch.

A few weeks ago, one of my young sergeants asked me how I did it? How did I come to work and put in so many hours and not feel the guilt tearing me up that I wasn't at home at night, putting my kids to bed. I looked at her honestly and said I don't. There is no balance. My babysitter is with my kids. There is no way to do it all. It's not possible. But when she goes down range, she has to find a way to put aside the pain and the guilt and the regret and focus on doing her job. Because the guilt and the regret will eat you alive if you let it. And at the end of the day, if she decides she can't be a mom and a soldier, then that's okay. Because she served and served well. She's one of the best and brightest I've got and the Army needs young leaders like her to help shape the future of our great force. But so does her tiny man.

But you know, as I come to the end of my time as a commander; as I looked that young sergeant in the eye; the truth came home to roost once more. There are no truer words than these words of the Army Song: And the Army goes rolling along.

Because it will. So my fellow brothers and sisters in leadership roles, have some compassion when you have a young soldier look at you and say I just need time to take care of my kids. Don't judge them and call them a pussy because they choose their family over the Army. If you want to keep good people in the Army, figure out a way to help them achieve that ever elusive thing we call balance.

As for me? I'm still a commander. I have a duty to do my job to the best of my ability. My soldiers deserve nothing less. But so do my kids. So I've got some more work to do myself on that elusive thing called balance.

It's Official DADT is Over

I'm a policy wonk. Most of the time, I keep things toned down here on the blog but those of you that know me understand that I really can't put everything I rant about in real life on the blog. But tomorrow is a big day for the military and the Army that I love so of course, I'll write about it.

Tomorrow, Don't Ask, Don't Tell is officially over. For almost two decades, gay men and women have been allowed to serve but in doing so, have hidden who they are. Tomorrow, all that changes.

Now before you get all high and mighty and start quoting scripture to me, check it out. If you believe that God is all power and all knowing, then you MUST accept that God created men and women to be who they are. He MUST have known when each person was born who was gay, who was straight or what ever. At the end of the day, DADT is not about religion, though there are many, many out there who will say that it is.

Also, don't tell me that the combat arms guys out there are going to have kittens and start lynching the gays. Will there be incidents? Yes. I'm not naïve enough to think that the guy who hated someone yesterday isn't going to latch on to the new revelations that the dude is gay to boot. But by and large, I'm willing to be that for the most part, tomorrow will come and go and the Army will go rolling along.

Now, let's discuss domestic life. Housing policy remains unchanged. So does marriage, ergo benefits remain unchanged. All the DADT repeal means is that gay men and women will be allowed to finally be who they are and not worry about ending the career that they have chosen because they love someone who has the same plumbing they do.

And quite honestly, I don't think that gay relationships are going to cause anywhere near the drama that straight relationships have caused. I've been in command for almost a year now and the heterosexual trashy drama I've seen and heard about and dealt with would put Jerry Springer to shame. So what's a little gay relationship drama? It's just another day in command, as far as I'm concerned.

Look, the Army has integrated before. Folks went up in arms when Eisenhower got desegregated the Army. And lord have mercy you'd have thought the army was going to explode when the WACs and WAVES were brought into the full military service. This is just another change. And for people who say that the Army is built on tradition and values and think that gays can't serve honorably, I'd say you don't know the Army I serve in.

I told my company during my in brief that I didn't care if you were black, white, purple, gay or straight. At the end of it all, we're all wearing digital grey (it used to be Army green, but hey, that change thing?). Nothing will have changed tomorrow. The person who stood next to you yesterday in formation will still be that person. Yes, there will be problems but nothing we're not used to seeing in the ranks.

And ultimately, if you are going to quote scripture to me, why not use this one: "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

Pretty sure it's the Golden Rule for a reason.

Talking to Kids About 9/11

On Thursday, I went to talk to my 4 year old daughter's pre-k class about 9/11. I was supposed to be listening to the Signal Regimental Commander talking about micro cyber, but I figured my 4 year old's pre-k class was a more important place to be. Anyway…

It wasn't the first time I'd done this. Last year, I spoke to my older daughter's first grade class and while I popped my head into her 2nd grade class this year, I made sure I was downstairs for Little Bear's class because it was her first time having Mommy come to class.

While I was in my 2nd grade daughter's class, I listened to another little girls' father talk about 9/11. We all have our different ways of telling stories and 9/11 is a difficult one to explain to little kids. I mean, sure, we could be honest and talk about the bad men who flew planes into buildings but in the ensuing questions, can we really answer why to a 2nd grader? As I listened, this little girls father started talking about the bombs he discovered while doing route clearance in Afghanistan. He spoke of how the highest education level in Afghanistan was the 3rd grade when we'd initially invaded but how now it had gone up to 5th grade. And he sat there and told a group of 2nd graders, most of whom had mothers or fathers in the military and many of those overseas right now, that they were probably going to still be fighting this war when they were all grown up.

Which, if you think about it, is kind of both true and depressing. I mean, this war started before any of the kids he was talking to were even born. How can you explain an event to kids that happened long before some of them were even in diapers and make it so that they understand but are not terrified? I know that night, I had a 2nd grader in my bed, talking about the bad dream she had about bombs and her daddy.

Now, I freely admit, I'm not one of the cool parents who let's their kids watch the big kid shows on TV. I cringe at Victoria's Secret commercials and change the channel when commercials for violent video games come on. And that's only when the tv is actually ever on. I'm kind of strict that way. So I was very cautious about what to say to a group fo 4 year olds about September 11. I really wasn't prepared for some of the things I heard.

Kids say the damndest things.

I started off asking what they thought freedom was. A little boy hopped up and said that freedom meant taking guns and killing the bad guys. Another one chimed in and said blowing away all the bad guys. Then a little girl raised her hand and said freedom meant desert. Which wasn't all that bad, in this mom's eyes. I got a few more answers, some involving the American flag. Then the real fun began.

I asked who they thought gave them freedom. And they of course said soldiers right away but then I started trying to explain that the police and the firemen and the doctors and nurses were all part of our way of life that gave us freedom. I said who else would give us freedom. Jesus. No really, two little kids said Jesus. It was so funny and cute. After I was done laughing, I told them that teachers were some of the most important people for our freedom. They looked at their teachers in a little bit of amazement. I told them it was important to be educated, otherwise people could tell them anything at all and they wouldn't know the difference. And then they insisted that desert was the most important part of freedom. Again.

Then a little girl asked if I was a Mommy. And I said yes, and I pointed out my kiddo. She said, well do you work? I said, yes, I'm a soldier. She said, Mommies don't work. I paused for a sec and said, well some mommies don't get paid for work but all mommies work. Some work in the home and some work outside of it, like me. And then came the rousing debate about whose mommy worked and whose didn't.

Entertaining 4 year olds really isn't my strong point.

I guess my point in all of this is that 9/11 was a day that something really bad happened to our nation. We were attacked. Great symbols were destroyed and many people who were not warriors or combatants lost their lives. Little kids understand to varying degrees that something bad happened but they don't understand the why. Hell, most adults still don't understand the why. We can sum up what happened that day into pat phrases like "they hate us for our freedom" but that's a convenient lie, something we tell our children.

The reality of 9/11 is that it is much more complex. I would like to say that 9/11 changed all of us. It changed our military, that's for certain. But did it make us better citizens? Did it make us slow down and appreciate the fact that we are lucky enough to have been born in a nation that has rule of law, where an immigrant's son can grow up to be president, where girls can go to school without fear of acid being thrown in their faces?

Our nation is not perfect, not by a long shot. We are deeply flawed. But at the end of it all, our nation is still the best place on earth to live and that is what we must teach our children about 9/11. Not that there are bad people out there who want to hurt us. Not that there are people out there who don't want to live like us. Let's keep it simple for the time being and break it down to a 4 year old level.

Something bad happened. We, as a nation, were wounded. But we got back up, dusted ourselves off, and started rebuilding. Take a moment to remember those who gave their lives on 9/11 and on every day since. Take a moment tomorrow and think of the good things in your life that aren't about toys and games and stuff but about the people who make your life richer. And if your husband or your wife is home with you, kiss them and remember why you love them. Because there are thousands of husbands and wives and sons and daughters who don't get to kiss their loved one because of 9/11.

Remember

Guest Author Carly Phillips

Today, I'm honored to have Carly Phillips here to celebrate the release of her latest novel Serendipity. She's the New York Times Bestselling author of over 30 romance novels with contemporary characters and plotlines that today's readers identify with and enjoy. Carly is a stay at home mom of 2 daughters (now almost old enough to read her books!), one soft coated wheaten terrier and a brand new Havanese puppy. She's a Twitter and Internet junkie and is always around to interact with her readers.

Please join me in welcoming Carly to the site and if you haven't checked out Serendipity, you're missing out![image error]

A Whole New World



Twitter changed my life. It's amazing to me. 140 characters. So easy. So hard. It took me a very long time to comprehend how Twitter worked. I didn't understand the @ any more than I understood the # sign. I mean Hashtag? What's a Hashtag? Well, I'm definitely not here to give a Twitter lesson, so if you don't know, let's say I'm going to tell you all the reasons why you want to find out.

Twitter has broadened my world. As a writer, I live in my head. I stare at the computer screen, I write. I have email to link me to writer friends who don't live nearby. There's Facebook but that isn't as immediate or as personal, at least for me. So when I started out on Twitter, I didn't think it would be the thing that introduced me to new people. But it did! Thanks to Twitter, I "met"other writers whose names I knew, but who I never interacted with before. I even spent most of the RWA Conference meeting up with new Twitter friends in person, getting to know them better, and truly appreciating what Twitter has brought into my life.

Twitter has helped my writing! Writers on Twitter like to do something called "Sprint". It's writing in 30 minute increments without distraction, then checking in with each other and reporting word count. This has upped my productivity. Hah! And I bet you thought Twitter was a complete time suck that prevents you from getting work done. Wrong!

Twitter has led me to new books and authors! When I don't know who or what to read next, I can ask people on Twitter what romances they're reading and get an immediate answer, check out the books for myself and download them on my Kindle in seconds! I've delved into new genres, checked out new authors, and really expanded my reading horizons. It's awesome!

Twitter lets me help promote authors I genuinely like. I can Retweet their posts, offer congratulations, or mention a book I loved, and as a result I'm introducing MY followers to new authors! Isn't that fantastic?

Twitter brings me closer with my readers! I've been in contact with readers who I've then met at conferences, met readers via our mutual interest in ABC soap operas, shared books, etc.

Twitter introduced me to Jessica, who graciously invited me here to promote my new release, SERENDIPITY, a small town contemporary romance out now! For more information on SERENDIPITY, visit my website at www.carlyphillips.com.

So have I convinced you yet? Do you Tweet? I highly recommend it!

More information on Carly can be found at her website: www.carlyphillips.com.

Around the web you can also find Carly at:

Twitter: www.twitter.com/carlyphillips

Facebook: www.facebook.com/carlyphillipsfanpage

Blog: www.plotmonkeys.com

And the Laura Griffin backlist winner is…

ClaudiaGC! Please email me your snail mail address so we can get your books in the mail!

Guest Author Laura Griffin + Giveaway!

Today it's my great pleasure to welcome back a good friend of mine who also happens to be one of my favorite authors. Laura Griffin is back, celebrating the release of her latest suspense novel SNAPPED. Laura's giving away an autographed copy of SNAPPED today along with a 20$ gift card to B&N to one lucky winner. To add to the fun, I'm going to throw in Laura's entire backlist, just because I love her books!

The other day I was chatting with Jess about the writer's life and how it can change, seemingly overnight. I remember attending my first RWA conference in Dallas and meeting many authors I admire, and feeling a bit star-struck (not to mention intimidated!) by it all.

Fast-forward seven years, and so many things have changed. Writing fiction has gone from being my dream job to a very real occupation. I count myself lucky that I'm writing full time, unlike so many other authors I know who are juggling other demanding professions as well (Jess, I'm talking to you! No idea how you do it, but I'm in awe!)

Some things are harder now–such as tighter deadlines, higher editorial expectations, carving out time to participate in social media when what I'd really like to be doing is watching re-runs of "Man vs. Wild" or "Top Chef." But there are a few things that are easier now, and one of those is research.

When I sit down to write, I love to have sharp, vivid details at my fingertips to make the story come to life. Where do I get these? Oftentimes, from research. If I'm writing about a place I've never been or about a character whose job is unfamiliar to me, I like to interview someone who can give me a behind-the-scenes glimpse of that aspect of my story.

With SNAPPED, for example, I interviewed a long list of people. The book opens with a sniper scene on a college campus and my hero is a member of the SWAT team called in to confront the shooter. Having never stormed a building and taken down an armed assailant, I decided to talk to a SWAT team member to understand what this is like. Let me tell you, those guys have a stressful job!

To get details about my heroine, who gets caught in the crossfire of this terrifying event, I needed to look no further than my mother. She was an eye-witness to Charles Whitman's deadly rampage on the University of Texas campus back in 1966. Growing up, I heard about this event often. When we'd visit UT for football weekends, my mom would show me where she was standing when the shooting broke out. The day I began the book, SNAPPED, I trekked around the campus and tried to get myself in the mindset of the characters. Then I went to the student union with my laptop and sat down to write chapter one.

I feel a very personal connection to this story, and I hope readers will enjoy it.

Thanks for inviting me on the blog today, Jess. Happy reading, everyone!

Jurisprudence and Command

There are literally dozens of jobs that one takes on when one takes the guidon. I'm writing a book about company command when I'm done with this whole experience and it's going to talk about all the bat shit crazy things you will see or hear while in command. I'll also talk about all the truly awesome stuff, too, but it's not the good troops that keep most folks up at night.

Among other things, commanders are mom, dad, doctor, psychiatrist, teacher, coach, mentor, boot in the ass, divorce counselor, marriage counselor, social worker, sex educator, life coach…the list goes on and on and on. I have THE BEST JOB in the Army. This is the best time I've ever had and I know that no job I'll ever take after this will be as rewarding as this short time holding the guidon.

That said, the one thing that I would strongly encourage all future commanders to dig into, deeply, is jurisprudence and decision making. Why do we say that X is wrong and Y is not? What is the basis for your decision? Is everything black and white and written in stone? And if so, why then, does commander's discretion exist?

The easiest time any commander will have in deciding who to separate, who to give an article 15 to, and who to attempt to rehabilitate and who to punish will be in that brief window of time before you have become part of your unit. The first 90 days or so when you are first getting situated, you are able to look at the facts as just that, facts and not truly dig into the soldier behind the facts. It's easy to come into a new unit and say "they're going to soldier or they're going to home" when you don't know that soldier's story, when you don't know their wife, their husband, their mom or their dad.

But when you look into the eyes of a soldier and tell them, I'm initiating separation proceedings against you for the following reasons? And that soldier has tried but failed to meet whatever standard you're separating them for? The decision may still be 'easy' in that it's the right thing to do, but when it's about a person and not a decision? Maybe not so much.

The legal decisions I've made as a commander thus far, I don't regret. I have reduced 3 NCOs back to enlisted rank. I do not regret this decision on any of the three counts. All 3 made bad decisions that young soldiers should not emulate. Only 1 of them did I think could overcome it. Only 1 do I wish had had the fortitude and the forbearance to prove that he earned the right to return to the NCO ranks. The decision to reduce and separate that particular individual, while the right thing to do for both the army and for the soldier, pains me, because I believe he could be better than what he's demonstrated. But my belief in him is not enough for him to succeed. I wish it were different but sadly, it's not.

I've also had to initiate separation against two soldiers thus far who have not met the standard regarding height and weight and APFT. These soldiers deployed for their nation, they went to war, they continually volunteer and they know their jobs and yet, I must send them home because they do not meet basic army standards. I know the standards exist for a reason. I know how hard it is to meet these standards for some soldiers. I know because I'm one of them who has struggled her entire military career to stay in shape and meet the standard. I know how much work it takes. And yet I am sending two soldiers home who are good troops otherwise.

Commanders must meet legal standards to separate and as a result of not having legal proof, these folks who 'everyone knows' is doing 'it' get to continue to soldier. Soldiers could be beating their wives, committing crimes or worse and if all commanders have is innuendo and rumor, commanders have nothing actionable. Rumor isn't legally sufficient to initiate action. Innuendo does not give a commander probable cause.

Commander's discretion is a powerful tool but I also understand why some decisions are taken from subordinate commanders. Because while I may argue all day long that X is a good troop who can't lose weight, the bigger army suffers for each overweight soldier. From health care issues, to stamina downrange, believe me, I understand.

Understanding does not make it easier to tell that kid who's served honorably; your time has come to an end. Of all the jobs that came with the guidon, becoming the judge and jury has been the toughest. It is the one that keeps me up at night, dissecting facts, looking at other angles, seeking guidance from mentors and checking, did I do the right thing? Is there another way I can look at this? Because at the end of the tour, the responsibility is great, the power is even greater and if you misuse the trust that has been given to you, the harm that you can do is unfathomable.

Why, commander, have you made the decision you made? What is your reasoning? Know this, because the decisions you make have impact far beyond changing command. The decisions you make will resonate with individuals for years.

Did you make the right ones?