Jessica Scott's Blog, page 35

Special Valentine's Day Treat: Deleted Scene from Because of You

Ok so as promised, with very little editing, here's a deleted scene from Because of You, wherein Jen sits on Shane's face.

Remember, there are plot threads in here that were not in the final book so…enjoy!

Despair was like a drug. Just a little taste of it and it could be the hardest thing in the world to throw off. Try though he might to push through it, all through dinner, he kept thinking of Osterman's face.

Shane dragged his hand over his face and sighed. Jen turned from where she was scraping her plate into the trash. She didn't need to ask the question.

"Just a long day," he said quietly.

Her smile was all the answer he needed. She was being cautious with him and he didn't blame her. Twice now, they'd had to deal with self inflicted harm. It was like a disease, running through the ranks of the wounded, thinning their numbers.

He dragged his thoughts away from the edge once more. Carponti had been an accident. Osterman's tragedy had been averted. His guys were okay.

So why did he feel so down?

He glanced at his watch. Payday. God willing, his direct deposit had been fixed. "Mind if I use your computer?" he asked.

"Sure."

He logged on to USAA and waited for Jen's dial up to load the page. He gripped the hand rests of his chair, braced to see negative numbers once more. He'd long ago cut of the overdraft protection on the account he'd shared with Tatiana but for some reason, she'd still been able to withdraw another five thousand dollars.

He sighed. And waited.

Maybe this time, he'd get lucky.

He blinked as the new checking account loaded. Then blinked again. Relief crawled over his skin. Finally, he had an account that wasn't in the red. He dragged his hand over his face and sat for a moment, his hand covering his mouth and tried to breath.

He glanced toward the kitchen, hope pushing out the despair in his chest. He was getting there. Baby steps, but he was slowly clawing his way back to a place where he could have a life with her.

He wouldn't go into this empty handed. Financially, at least, he was getting back on his feet. Few more days and he'd have the first surgery to free up one of his legs.

He sat, though, unable to move at the unfairness of it all.

Jen's life was possibly derailing even as his got back on track. More tests. More blood work. She hadn't spoken of it but he knew the follow up appointment was fast racing toward her. Toward them because he damn sure wasn't going to sit by and let her go through this alone.

He closed out the website and just sat there, watching her move. He wanted her so badly he ached. She glanced toward him and smiled.

She paused by the open door of the fridge, one arm around a bowl of salad. "Everything okay?"

He nodded, unable to speak. She frowned and closed the fridge, setting the bowl on the counter with a tink. "Shane?"

He reached for her, tugging her onto his lap. There was just enough room between the edge of his pins for her to fit. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his cheek against her chest. Above the soft mound of her breast.

"You're going to be okay."

Her arms slid around his shoulders and she rested her cheek against the top of his head. "There's no guarantee."

"No, it is. God listens to NCOs." His voice broke. "I can't believe He'd would be so cruel as to put you in my life, only to take you away so soon."

"I'll get on board with some positive thinking."

He tipped his face up and looked at her. "Finance finally fixed my pay."

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah. There's a stack of bills. Can you mail them for me? I've never written out fifteen thousand dollars in checks before, but hey, there's always a first time."

"fifteen thousand dollars?" She looked a little pale at the number.

"Yeah. Plus overdraft and whatever else I don't know about." He reached up and cupped her cheek. "Jen, that part of my life is over. I'm paying everything off because I don't want anything from then to carry over to the future."

"Shane —"

"I want a future with you. I don't want to hear anything about you being sick as a reason why not."

"Shane —"

"Jen—"

She covered his lips with her fingertip, her lips curled into a warm smile. "Shane, I'm not going to push you away but you need to understand something."

He frowned but didn't try to pull her finger from his lips. He wondered what she'd do if he sucked on it.

"I know you're happy you finally got your finances fixed. I'm really glad for you because I know it's been weighing on you. But this thing between us has never been about money. Shh. Let me finish." She pressed her lips to his and his blood warmed. "You need to understand that I haven't done any of this for your bank account or your ability to stand or any of the things that have been working their way through your brain. I just wanted to be here for you." She pressed her lips to his. "Just you."

"Can I talk now?" he asked, his words muffled against her finger.

"Depends on what you're getting ready to say." Her lips curled in an impish grin.

"I was just going to say thank you." He snatched her hand and gave into his fantasy. He cradled her finger in his and drew it slowly into his mouth. Her breath hitched and her lips parted. He licked the tip and watched her eyes darken. "And I was going to see how you felt about coming to bed with me." He drew her finger once more into the heat of his mouth.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her lips against his. Her tongue slipped against his and he shivered, his entire body going tight. "That's a fantastic idea," she whispered.

She helped him into the bed and out of his clothes. He laid back on the pillows and watched her move. For the first time since he'd gotten hurt, his legs weren't the all consuming obsession that they had been. He was naked and exposed and simply waiting for Jen to douse the lights.

He wished she would leave them on. But she darkened the room and in the shadows, he watched her undress. He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing for the day when he could remove her clothes and lay her back and slide inside her. She'd wrap her legs around his waist as he'd thrust deep and slow.

The mattress dipped beneath her weight and he felt her heat as she crawled up his body. Disappointment clutched at him when he realized she'd kept her tank top on. His fingers trembled as he threaded them in her hair, drawing her down with him until he laid flat and she was sprawled across him.

He kissed her, sliding his hands down her back to cup her rear. He stroked her belly, her thighs, inching closer but never touching her. She licked his earlobe and she gasped as he ran one finger up her inner thigh, breaking off at the last second.

She mewled and shifted, spreading her thighs, inviting his touch.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered, stroking his thumb over her sensitive skin. Teasing her and dying a little death each time he tempted her.

She whimpered near his ear.

"Tell me," he urged, skimming his finger along the outer cusp of her soft golden curls, aching to slip them into her heat.

"Touch me." Her voice was a plea, barely audible.

She straddled him but he gripped her and yanked her up until her knees were near his shoulders and her soft heat a breath from his lips.

"Shane, no —"

"Shh." He stroked his palms over her thighs, trying to soothe the trembling anticipation deep inside her. "Trust me, Jen."

She whimpered, her body taut as a bow string as he stroked her. He savored her scent, her warm heat and he nearly came at the delicious sounds she was making before he'd even touched her.

He slid his hands slowly, so slowly, around her thighs, his arms encircling her, bracing her open, exposing her to his touch. He blew a soft stream of air on her curls and she bucked, her hands latching onto the headboard for balance, a cry on her lips.

She'd never felt more vulnerable than she did right now. She'd never sat like this, open and exposed and she was glad for the dark. She'd never been touched like he'd touched her. Not once in her life had anyone looked at her with such pleasure. Anticipation pulsed through her veins with every beat of her heart and she waited. Wanted.

Slowly, he parted her and in the dim light, he saw her swollen and glistening for him. He glanced up. She bit her lip, her eyes dark with arousal. His tongue darted out, touching her most sensitive spot and the purity of her cry sent him closer to the edge. Her thighs clenched against his shoulders even as her hips rocked her against his mouth.

She closed her eyes and embraced the pleasure he created with each stroke of his tongue. Let it flow through her veins and take her higher and higher until she felt the tiny quakes start building to a blinding flash that was just out of reach.

He released her thigh to slip a single finger inside her. She shattered and nearly took him with her as her release dragged on and on and on.

He urged her lower and she found enough coherent thought to slide down his body until his erection was poised just at her heat. Each tiny stroke of his head against her slick opening sent pleasure spiking through her.

"Shane?"

Slowly, so slowly, she slid down, taking him inch by thick inch until he was seated fully inside her.

She rocked against him in the rhythm that slid her tight sheath over him again until Shane thought he would explode with each stroke. He pulled her down and kissed her and he could feel her surprise at her taste on his lips. His own pleasure built, staggering closer to the edge with each delicious slide of her body.

He came suddenly, without warning, his release tearing from him in jagged, relentless explosions that went on forever. Jen continued her rhythm until she shattered a moment behind him and collapsed on his chest, quivering as her release rocked through her again and again.

Her breathing was ragged against his neck and he felt her heart beating against his chest.

And the tiny blossom of hope inside him reached toward the one source of light in his life.

Want to read the final version? You can buy Because of You at these fine ebookstores B & N | Amazon | Powell's| iBookstore

The Big News

I teased a little bit about the big news on Friday and well, here it is.

All About Romance readers voted me Best Debut Author for their 2012 Annual Reader Poll!!

I'm over the moon and am in some pretty dang good company! You can check out all the winners of this year's Annual Reader's Poll here and make sure you swing by and congratulate all of them!

Thank you so much to everyone who read Because of You and voted!

And if you haven't checked out Because of You yet, you can buy it at any of the below retailers or at your favorite ebook store!

B & N | Amazon | Powell's| iBookstore

Goodreads Winners!

The giveaway for Goodreads came to an end and holy cow! More than 850 people signed up to try and win a paper copy ARC of BECAUSE OF YOU! Thank you all so much for your interest!

Leisa P

Leslieg G

Dannielle L

Stephanie V

Jennifer H

Your books are in the mail today!

Again thank you all so so much for entering and if you like Because of You, please like it on B & N | Amazon | Powell's| iBookstore or wherever you purchase your books!

I am a Hypocrite: Problems with Generalizations

I don't think admitting that I'm a hypocrite should come as groundbreaking news to anyone. I mean, we're all hypocrites in some form or another, right? I get wound up about birth control and women in combat. You get wound up about whatever is important to you. But this week has kind of left me spinning and I'm going to try to get through the why and the hypocracy without driving you and myself crazy.

The week started like any other. I picked up my copy of The Economist, flipping through to read the article on the Facebook IPO and other stories. I love The Economist. It's one of my favorite magazines because it seems to offer a somewhat pragmatic view on American politics, et all without some of the shrilling coming from the left and right mainstream media here. I may be wrong but hey, my perception and all that.

So I picked up Charles Murray's Coming Apart: The Status of White America 1960-2010 based on an article in The Economist. There are significant critiscms of the arguments Murray poses and honestly, these critics are well supported. Indeed, when you take the macro level generalizations Murray posits and push them down to the micro level of the individual, the argument loses most, if not all, of its weight. And I won't tell you that I agree with his conclusions that marriage and religion are foundations for our society because, while they may have been a form of social stability in the past, they were also a form of social control, keeping everyone quote unquote in their place.

There are major, major problems with Murray's argument and yet, he offers two conclusions that, in my opinion, remain valid: we must have a civic Great Awakening of the entire populace, the wealthy and the poor because without a sense of civic responsibility to our neighbor, we will cease to be. I do believe that. But that's another post. The second conclusion is that education is valued differently among the wealthy and the poor and that if we want to make a difference in the lives of the poor, we must improve education. But we can do neither of these if we simply throw money at the problem.

The reason I'm a hypocrite is because while Murray's book makes sweeping generalizations on the macro level that are irrelevant on the micro level, I'm okay with his generalizations (even though they are deeply deeply flawed, in some respects, they resonate with me because of my own upbringing).

Cue Rick Santorum, who generalizes in this post about the role of women in combat.

His generalizations at the macro level are that women are too emotional, men can't handle the stress of seeing women bleeding in combat and that we women folk are more fulfilled in the home because "many women" have told him they find their fulfillment in the home and caring for their children.

Cue blood pressure explosion in Jess.

Also, cue the hypocrisy card.

At the micro level of the women in combat issue are the individuals. Some who can hack it easily in an intense, hyper aggressive type A male environment of the combat arms. Some who cannot. But generalizing that women in these units can't cut it is flat out wrong because some can.

So for me to sit back and say that my own experience supports Murray's generalizations and negates Santorum's is the height of hypocrisy. It also sheds light on the dangers of generalizations and the results of generalizations: policy.

Murray posits that poor people are less educated and less civilized because all the smart people left. Really? How jacked up is that generalization? If we were to make a policy on that generalization is would look something like this "you're too stupid to care for yourselves, so we're going to make decisions for you, for your children and your overall wellbeing". And if I'd been subject to that policy, I never would have been allowed to join the Army, go to college, and then go teach at West Point because my grades were middling at best in high school and we weren't very well off.

A policy based on Santorum's generalizations looks something like this: "Brigade commander: I need someone to be the S1 in this combined arms battalion. Subordinate: Sir, we have these two candidates. One is completely qualified and would do a great job. The other is a moron who can barely tie shoes. CDR: Well send the qualified one. Subordinate: We can't sir. She's a female and she might cry at work."

So what I think I've concluded from these hyperbolic examples of rabid generalization is that we can talk about trends and macro level issues all day long. Policies will never be able to implement a solution that work for all people in all situations. Policies are dependent on the people implementing them and yet, we need policies because people have demonstrated time and time again that without policies to force changes in behavior, behavior won't change.

That's my rap up of my week of spinning in mental circles. If nothing else, I hope that my journey through this one episode of hypocrisy will make someone else think the next time they generalize or stereotype as I have been guilty of this week.

Who Gets to Survive

Okay so I've been having some massive moral quandaries in my life lately. Without going into detail, they've somehow dovetailed into a post apocalyptic idea for a book.

So I'm not going into the idea too much but I have a question from the hive mind:

At the end of the world, who gets to survive in the society that's left? What do we need to keep a society functioning?

In a real world survivor, who gets voted off the island when you have to make that choice? More importantly, why?

Romancing the Valentine Blog Hop

We're hopping like crazy around here these days but hey, what's not to love about a romance writer celebrating Valentine's Day, right?

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So in the spirit of all things Eros, I'm giving away a copy of my debut BECAUSE OF YOU and a copy of my fabulous sister in Loveswept Ruthie Knox's RIDE WITH ME.

Folks, trust me, you want Ruthie's book. Smokin hot doesn't even begin to cover it!

So stop by Reading Romances Romancing the Valentine and check out all the other fantastic blogs. Leave a comment to win and stop back on the 14th to find out if you're the lucky one!

Good Choice Reading Valentine's Day Hop

Valentines Day Hop – Books With Love!

It's that time of year again!

Good Choice Reading and Once Upon A Twilight have teamed up, yet again, to bring you the Valentine's Day Books With Love blog hop! Valentine's Day is right around the corner and we're really excited! If you participated last year, then you are a bit familiar with this hop.

This hop is where we share all and any books that have to do with LOVE. It doesn't have to be only romance books; it can be a story about family, friends, anything… as long as there is some kind of LOVE story in it.

This hop will run from February 14th until February 19th and to celebrate, I'm giving away not just a digital copy of BECAUSE OF YOU but also a digital copy of fellow Loveswept author Ruthie Knox's fantastic debut novel RIDE WITH ME.

Winners will be announced on February 20th!

When a Book Sticks: Why I Might Not See the Hunger Games

It's been more than a year since I read the Hunger Games series. If anyone asks me for a book recommendation, Amazon">Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay are automatic recommendations. I don't care what genre you read, what you think about it being a YA series, those books should be read by everyone.

Why? (oh, spoiler alert below so be warned)

Because they make you think. For once we've got an exceptionally popular series that adults and kids are reading that takes a young women, a poor young woman at that, and shows her as a fully developed character in her own right.

Katniss is a hero. She's not a female hero. She's not a YA hero. She's a hero, a real hero that crosses genre and gender and all the other artificial boundaries we erect around everything.

Katniss doesn't set out to be a hero. The only thing she's trying to do is save her sister's life. In the meantime, she gets sucked into politics and revolution but it *always* comes back to Prim.

I watched the trailer for the Hunger Games today. Until today, I've been dying to see this movie. It looks like it's going to be great and with luck, even more people will read the books because of it. But I might not be able to watch it.

More than a year later, I still get choked up when I think about the end Mockingjay. I still can't think about Katniss screaming at her sister's cat Buttercup that Prim isn't there anymore. I cried for days after the end of that book. Days.

I truly felt for Katniss. Yeah yeah, I got it, it's just a book. If you don't get it, then stop reading now. But for me, watching the trailer when they start to carry Prim toward the stage? Yeah, it got me.

I'm not sure why I've got such a strong reaction to these books. In that, they are unusual. But I will tell you that Suzanne Collins struck something deep. Something universal. Something very, very hard to look at. I can only hope to write a book that moves someone as deeply as the Hunger Games have struck me.

So I'll still tell everyone to read the Hunger Games. But I might not watch the movies. At least not without a box of tissues.

Winner for the Blog Hop Gift Card is…

Lora Patten please email me! You're the winner of a copy of Because of You AND the 25$ gift card!

Thanks so much for everyone who stopped by these last few weeks for the blog hop! And, don't miss our newest release, 2/13/2012 – RIDE WITH ME by Ruthie Knox – In this fun, scorching-hot eBook original romance by Ruthie Knox, a cross-country bike adventure takes a detour into unexplored passion. As readers will discover, Ride with Me is not about the bike!

When Lexie Marshall places an ad for a cycling companion, she hopes to find someone friendly and fun to cross the TransAmerica Trail with. Instead, she gets Tom Geiger—a lean, sexy loner whose bad attitude threatens to spoil the adventure she's spent years planning.

Roped into the cycling equivalent of a blind date by his sister, Tom doesn't want to ride with a chatty, go-by-the-map kind of woman, and he certainly doesn't want to want her. Too bad the sight of Lexie with a bike between her thighs really turns his crank.

Even Tom's stubborn determination to keep Lexie at a distance can't stop a kiss from leading to endless nights of hotter-than-hot sex. But when the wild ride ends, where will they go next?

Trust me when I tell you, this is book is not *just* about riding *ahem* bikes.

Last weeks Winner for the Blog Hop Tour is…

Yadira A! Please email me so I can get your digital copy to Because of You sent to you!