Brandon Shire's Blog, page 42
October 9, 2011
How Writing Makes a Difference
Two Steps Beyond ProseWords are power. Anyone who is a writer, or a speaker, knows this instinctively; as do those that try to suppress the words they don't agree with.
Words can change geography, nations, politics and move an entire people to action. But sometimes it is those small changes; those seemingly insignificant burst of prose that make a difference and touch lives that you, as a writer, will never know about or see. Two steps beyond your prose is an action, a caress, a thought that changes even the smallest part of history and you may never know that impact.
This past weekend I received an email from a young fan that I want to share with you below, and I would like to ask you to share this with all those trying to make a difference, especially writers. Many times we tend think that our words (or our actions) do nothing; mean nothing besides what they mean to us. If we don't receive immediate acknowledgement from those we're trying to help we'll sometimes question our motivations, or ourselves. Are we making a difference? Does anyone care? Shouldn't there be…more?
But sometimes, ….sometimes you hear back. Sometimes a voice reaches out and says, Yes, you are making a difference.
"She [Julie Anne Peters] changed my life. Keeping You A Secret made me feel much less weird for being gay. Just another example of how much words can make a difference. What you guys manage to do is amazing. You save lives without realizing it. Please don't stop. I'm one of those teenagers that knows depression way to well. And I'm one of the kids that has considered ending her own life just because of gay bullying. People like you and Julie make me and probably many others see. That it's ok. We aren't alone and we aren't the only ones going through shit." -A.I. (18 years old)
So friends of the pen, from the mouths of babes: Please don't stop.
And here is another example of making a difference from my friend Gary Patton.
September 30, 2011
Stepping Up to Bullying
There's been a lot of discussion about bullying in the recent weeks since Jamey Rodemeyers death. Once again, it is in the international spotlight after a tragedy that should have never happened. As offline and online communities (of all ages) step up to the plate and tackle the issue I am especially heartened to see the youth of the world move to make changes within their own environment.
As a parent, I knew that I could not police my sons' actions all the time, nor be there to protect them every single minute of their lives, and so it falls to those whom we seek to protect to take action with the full knowledge that we support them in their endeavors to aid those people less able to help themselves. Teaching them respect for all is a great part of that, but teaching them by example is an even greater part.
So there is also a point where we, as adults, must step forward beyond our own homes and say NO, this is not how you treat people.
I saw a shining example of that this morning and wanted to share it with you. Ali you have my utmost respect.
Sometimes a few words is all it takes to change a life.
September 21, 2011
PRIDE FOR YOUTH – SAVING LIVES IN THE SUBURBS
Guest post by by Andrew J. Peters
Pride for Youth is a not-for-profit organization that is a service and an advocate for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) teenagers. Located in Bellmore, NY, fifteen miles east of New York City, Pride for Youth serves Long Island, an area that is geographically diffuse and densely populated. The mission of the agency is to enhance the health, wellness and cultural competency of LGBT youth through education, supportive services and youth development.
It's a cause that has been a central part of my personal and professional development. I started working there as a social work intern in 1994. As a fledgling initiative, we offered a safe place where kids could gather on a Sunday afternoon, and school-based LGBT-sensitivity workshops to outreach to isolated teens and combat prejudice and bullying.
There was an expression at the time: if New York City was in the 20th century, Long Island was in the 19th or maybe even the 18th century. Virtually no kids came out in those days. Our greatest challenge was getting a handful of teens to show up for our weekly group. Sometimes we'd get just one kid on a Sunday afternoon. He would be shaky, palms sweating, and sometimes tearful, like he had run through a battlefield to get there.
It wasn't such an exaggerated metaphor. Some of these kids had stories of being told by their parents it would be better for them to be a murderer than to be gay. Every moment at school they worried about being discovered, and getting beat up, shunned and mocked relentlessly.
Their fears were real. Around that time, there was an outrageous incident where a gay student got run over by a car and killed by a group of kids on a local college campus. A high school student who was bullied for being effeminate took his life, and in the aftermath, the principal called me, whispering into the phone to ask what he could do to make the school safer. When I suggested coming in to speak to teachers and students about homophobia, he told me his school, and the parents in the district, couldn't handle that kind of conversation. He asked: could you come in and talk about tolerance without saying the word "gay?"
Seventeen years later, our community has broken into the 20th century, I think; but keep in mind, it's the 21st. About one hundred kids come through the doors of Pride for Youth each week for programs from counseling and support groups to peer leadership and a vibrant drop-in center we call the "Coffeehouse," where they can take part in performing arts, guest speakers and movie nights.
I'm often asked: haven't things gotten easier for kids today? My answer is yes and no. Many LGBT teens have more support than they used to—friends, parents and GSAs in schools—but there are still great challenges. As kids come out at younger ages, they are often ill-equipped to handle negative reactions from peers and family members, as we have seen tragically in middle school bullying/suicides across the country. There's a new generation of transgender teens for whom acceptance and understanding lags even farther behind than for their LGB peers. Young gay men, particularly those of color, are continuing to get infected by HIV at unacceptable rates.
There's a huge, continuing need for the community to support the efforts of organizations like Pride for Youth. We carry out lifesaving work, on the front lines, in the nation's suburbs, quietly—without glitz and glamour—with the pure conviction that we are making a difference. Thanks so much to Brandon for giving me this space to let readers know about this important program. For more about Pride for Youth, including how to make a donation, visit: http://prideforyouth.org.
Andrew J. Peters writes fantasy, young adult and contemporary fiction. His work has appeared in Ganymede, Wilde Oats and La Bloga, and he's a 2011 Lambda Literary Foundation Fellow in Genre Fiction. He writes from New York City where he works as a social worker for suburban LGBT youth. For a description of his projects and a blog about queer media and fantasy, visit: http://andrewjpeterswrites.com.
September 19, 2011
Friendships Lost?
Gay Friendships with Christians
It has been an interesting week of self reflection.
In the beginning of last week I lost a gay friend of over twenty years (via email) who suddenly decided that he was not gay (and no longer my friend) and was going to get married to a woman. He's been a Christian his entire life and has struggled with his sexuality forever. This loss bothered me more than I can simply put into words here. I was angry, very angry. I immediately wanted to send him off a tirade on his hypocrisy and ignorance and spew as many other hateful things as I could think of to lessen the my own pain.
And this is really what we do as people, we look for a target outside of ourselves where we can lay blame and lessen the emotional impact upon ourselves. In reality, what I was fighting was NOT his decision, but the fact that after twenty years he didn't think I would support his decision and do what I could to help him in his new life. Somehow his lack of faith in our long friendship made me a failure, and that alone was what my anger was really about; my own self doubt. Had my friendship been so lacking? Had I done or said something that would make him think this? Did I say something hateful against his wife, or all females at some point in our past? The list of questions and the doubt went on and on, until finally I just sat with it.
This was his decision and his own doubt, and I allowed myself to get caught up in his fears instead of stepping back, like a real friend. In the end, after much meditation, I sent him a quick email with congratulations on his impending marriage and left it at that. Nothing about our long friendship, nothing about how I felt, simply a recognition of my sincere wish for his future happiness.
I thought I was done with this. Hah! How easily we fool ourselves.
Over the weekend I talked with people online and did quite a bit of writing. As I begin to connect online, and particularly after this incident above, I have noted the pause that takes place when I get a friend request or go to connect with anyone that has any type of Christian religious affiliation. I'll peruse their website, their twitter feed, their Facebook page before I make a decision about whether or not I'm going to click the accept button.
This is asinine. I wouldn't do this in real life. I don't run around doing what basically amounts to a background check on every individual that holds his hand out to me. But nor do I tolerate ignorance in my personal life. I can count the people I consider friends on one hand, everyone else is an acquaintance, someone I've worked with, met or simply hung out with at one time or another.
Is this what being 'connected" through social mediums has done to us? Has the ignorance and fear of both extremes pervaded our lives so much that we hesitate to offer our hand in friendship or need? It's pretty fucking sad really, and it was made all more poignant when I looked at my own actions and noted my own hypocrisy.
But as I watched people come together and rescue a motorcyclist trapped under a burning car I realized that there is still hope, for me and everyone else. In times of real need we don't stop and ask what a person's religion is, we don't question their faith, their parentage, their sexuality or any of the million other things we use to segment people into convenient little categories which we can bypass.
So I go to sit a little more and reflect on this disturbing aspect of myself. What fear have I exposed that I am suddenly worried that people who label themselves as Christians can exploit? I know many real Christians who walk the faith every day, and I see many more who simply talk it. But neither of those two labels does anything either, because in the end it comes down to my own reactions and my own fears and how they cause me to pause and think rather than just act and put my hand out.
So here's my zafu (meditation cushion), my hand, and my apologies to those who put their hand out only to have my turn away in ignorance. For that I am truly sorry.
September 12, 2011
On Being A Gay Dad
As I explore twitter and other mediums I get some interesting comments and questions about being a gay parent. The irony is that I was doing it long before it got headlines and rallies for rights, or before it was "cool". My children are grown, in college and have solid careers ahead. (And, because the question is often unspoken but asked, they are both straight).
I honestly don't understand the "cool" which has notably come from gay teens that I've spoken to. I guess the assumption there is that things would be different in their own households if they had a gay parent. As if somehow having gay parent meant that they wouldn't get grounded or get their backside whupped for extreme stupidity, or get nagged about getting chores and homework done. I DO understand the rejection from a straight parent though, all too well, so I can empathize even as I chuckle at being 'cool' suddenly at this stage of my life.
But for me, I was simply a father, a single dad. There was nothing extraordinary about our life. Times were different and I shielded them from the bigotry and hatred that they would receive through no fault of their own. I made no qualms about it then and don't now, simply because I was one of those parents likely to stomp the shit out of you if I perceived you as a threat to my children. Still am, I guess.
One of my fondest memories was watching The Birdcage with them. We all laughed at the extremes, and of course, I and my witty commentary made sure as we watched it that they understood: "See, it could be worse."
All I got back was, "Oh dad."
Maybe I was a bit cool? Dunno.
September 9, 2011
GLBT Youth
GLBT youth have always held a special place in my heart and when I finally made a decision to publish one of my manuscripts I also made the decision that it would be used to help the next generation of GLBT kids.
50% of the proceeds from The Value Of Rain go to GLBT youth organizations. GLBT Advocacy [http://glbtays.org]is one of those organizations and needs your support to help get young gay kids off the street. It is an organization that shows them that they are loved and that there are people out in the world that DO care.
Having witness, first hand, the emotional devastation heaped upon GLBT children fleeing "Christian" homes in the South, I can assure you that organizations like this are very much needed.
Even if you never buy Rain, please consider offering them your support.
Brandon
September 7, 2011
My Left Shoe
My Left Shoe – A Poem
My left shoe is squeaking
talking gibberish about the sole
of the long day;
how it tied the world in knots
and left our tongues wagging.
The thing about poetry, and all prose, is that a single word or silly thought can spark someone's imagination. I jotted this down after I saw a post on Twitter by @kalenski in Denver. Her original post was My left shoe is squeaky.
Let's have a bit of fun and see what you can come up with in a paragraph or poem.
3XJF9A49TS38
September 3, 2011
New Blog
All you have to do is write the book they said…. Derp, OK.
Now it's blogging, and Twitter and Facebook and some other stuff I've never even heard of.
Stick with me people, I'm figuring all this out.
