Brandon Shire's Blog, page 40
February 21, 2012
Oslo in April – A Review
[image error]You know I don't do book reviews on my blog too often unless a book really touches me. This is not from an LGBT author, but it is a book that I read every year, usually around Christmas. But this year I got busy and didn't pick it up until last week.
Oslo was introduced to me by a friend some years back, and oddly he said the same, it is one he picks up and reads at least once a year. There aren't too many books that do that for me which aren't some type of Buddhist text, but this is one of those rare ones.
Oslo is well written, and a simple story about fictional musicians in the Oslo Symphony. It's poignant, emotional and has a subtle undertone that really speaks, which may be why it draws me back to it again and again. Add in that I am a big music fan and the draw for me becomes that much stronger.
I highly recommend it. To my knowledge Oslo in April is only available here. (Dr. Slade is much like me, all that internet stuff…bah! 
Title: Oslo in April
Author: John Slade
Publisher and/or Distributor: Woodgate International
Pages: 197
ISBN: 1-893617-11-4
Price: $12.95
Publishing Date: 2004
February 17, 2012
Selfish Giving
Guest Post by Anne Tenino
By nature, I'm a very giving person. Just this morning, someone cut me off in traffic and I gave him the finger. I don't really think that's the kind of giving Brandon wanted me to opine about, though. Let me start over. I'm a very giving person, although clearly I'm equal-opportunity about it; I'll give you a hand if you need it, or the finger if you deserve it.
I'm a disorganized giver. I used to be an organized giver, but getting a long-term illness changed all of that. I'll explain the difference in a bit, but first let me tell you something about my philosophy of giving.
I believe the giver always gets something out of a charitable act. In nearly every case, the giver gets the satisfaction of knowing they gave; of feeling like a "good person" for a while, or just knowing they are responsible for making someone's life a bit better. In other cases, people and corporations get tax write-offs, or are assured that the cause they care about on a deep and personal level won't die, or they get to have an experience they couldn't have any other way. There are many more benefits of giving, I'm not going to go into them all here. These benefits are true (except the tax write-off) in both organized and disorganized giving.
About five years ago, I was firmly locked into a career in development, (a nicer-sounding name for fundraising). Just being in professional fundraising is something of a donation, since it generally doesn't pay well. On top of that, my husband and I contributed in many ways to organized causes. Money (not a lot—see the "doesn't pay well" comment) and plenty of our time. I was the co-chair of the parents' group at my kids' school, and I was on the board of an academic non-profit at the same time. This is organized giving, as I see it. It's giving for the principle of giving, and you don't always see the benefits immediately. It's more about having faith in the organization you're giving to, and belief in the need addressed.
Then I got sick. I spent a couple years lying on the couch, until I got better-ish. That whole time I didn't work, I quit all my volunteer obligations and we stopped giving money for the most part, with a couple of exceptions. Medicines are expensive, as are out-of-network doctors.
Now I'm starting to work my way back into giving, but my whole focus has changed. I'm still interested in seeing my kids' schools succeed, but I'm more likely to volunteer a few hours here and there than to run something. I'm not going back to working in fundraising—I couldn't find a job in the field now even if I wanted to.
What I practice now is disorganized giving. Disorganized giving is giving when the opportunity arises. When you're on the scene and you have the resources to help. It's giving for the immediate need rather than the planned program. It can mean giving to a non-profit, but doing it because you can see the people affected by its programs. Disorganized giving is about having a personal relationship with the recipients, rather than a commitment to ideals.
The main reason for my change from organized to disorganized is a changed focus on what I get out of it. I give because it makes me feel good. I give less money and more time and effort. I give things I'm talented at—like free stories, or profits from my book sales to causes I believe in (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network rocks). I talk to people online who are suffering from the same illness I suffered from. I try to meet immediate needs for my kids and their friends. It's all about seeing the change around me, not just having some kind of faith that it's happening, without seeing the end results. I take opportunities to give rather than plan them out.
The reason I do this is because I need to. I couldn't do anything that wasn't necessary for meeting my own immediate needs for two years. Now I can do a lot more, but I need to see the results, as a way of re-affirming myself. I need to know I really am better, and continuing to get better; seeing my influence on the world around me is daily confirmation of that.
I give to GLSEN because I know people that have been helped by it, and I see results in my daughter's school. I give to my readers, because it makes them happy. I give to the kids I know because I like them and I can. I organized a writing group for my daughters and their friends because I wanted them to succeed (admittedly, they weren't as committed).
What I'm saying is that I give for entirely selfish reasons. I used to believe this was a horrible way to give. Over time, both before and after I got sick, I saw how people gave to the world around them. Everyone gives to fill a need in themselves, even if the need is to ease others' suffering so they don't have to be confronted with it. Even if the need is a tax write off. I finally accepted that I give to get something from the act, and now I let what I'm getting from it guide my choices.
Raised on a steady media diet of Monty Python, classical music and the visual arts, Anne Tenino rocked the mental health world when she was the first patient diagnosed with Compulsive Romantic Disorder. Since that day, Anne has taken on conquering the M/M world through therapeutic writing. Finding out who those guys having sex in her head are and what to do with them has been extremely liberating.
Anne's husband finds it liberating as well, although in a somewhat different way. Her two daughters are mildly confused by Anne's need to twist Ken dolls into odd positions. They were raised to be open-minded children, however, and other than occasionally stealing Ken1′s strap-on, they let Mom do her thing without interference.
Wondering what Anne does in her spare time? Mostly she lies on the couch, eats bonbons and shirks housework.
Check out what Anne's up to now by visiting her site. http://annetenino.com
January 28, 2012
The Blues – A poem
It's about the movement of ice
a clot in the silent rain
A thick brown stink
seated in the chest
Denied loneliness
that stings rancid with longing
The hot sum of a too high price
January 19, 2012
Facebook a danger to LGBT Youth?
Back in September when Facebook started announcing and putting all their new changes into place, specifically the timeline, I had a talk with my online advisor. At that time we were discussing the fact that most LGBT Youth organizations do NOT communicate with teens through the medium they use most: their cell phone. In fact, most LGBT Youth organizations' online info isn't even accessible to at risk teens if they aren't sitting at a PC. Simply, website and contact info is nearly invisible if the organization's website is not mobile friendly. (Or if they don't have a mobile app.)
This came to light (to me) when I was trying to send some emergency contact info to an LGBT kid that needed immediate resources and help. I sent several of the most prominent national LGBT youth website URLs (and multiple local ones) only to have him tell me that he couldn't read or access any of it on his cell phone. (The only thing available to him.) That's a pretty big fail for LGBT Youth organizations, especially those trying to help homeless youth. If we can't connect with the kids, how are we going to help?
But then there's Facebook. Let me say right off that I am no fan. I have a page that is managed for me, but I don't have, or want, a personal Facebook profile. I heartily disagree with Zuck's idea that our every action needs to be broadcast and included in his website so he can make a dime. Sorry, but no. But that's me personally.
Don't get me wrong, Facebook also does a lot of good for the LGBT community, and we have all seen them step up to combat bullying and homophobia, and as most of you know I promote that quite often. I think that initiative is great, and I applaud them for it. However their newest features, those rolled out in September and those rolling out now, specifically put LGBT youth at serious risk.
The timeline automatically posts your activities into a public display of what you do on the Internet, where you go, who you interact with and a multitude of other things that can basically 'out' you to potential aggressors. The privacy features for timeline are, as per norm with Facebook, confusing.
Now imagine yourself as a 13-18 LGBT kid living in a hostile ultra conservative household. You need some information, have some questions, are asking yourself why you're feeling this way…. and so you starting looking for resources to answer those questions. Suddenly it's all up there for your parents to see, your classmates, your pastor. All the information, basically everything you do is public, whether you are plugged into Facebook or not (their advertising matrix follows you around the web).
Think that's not possible? Think again. It's already happened. One London Teenager was made homeless after his parents saw LGBT targeted ads pop up in his Facebook stream. Note that I do NOT blame Facebook for this tragedy. I blame his parents completely.
However, I do think that Facebook, while not meaning to, has become a medium non grata, and a potential threat to the safety of LGBT questioning and at risk youth.
Last week I retweeted a post from a LGBT Youth Center worker who was saddened that during the course of his week 5 under age LGBT kids had come into the center because their parents had tossed them out the door. Five gay kids on the street, at one center, in one week. Now extrapolate that out to a national level and maybe you'll understand the size of the problem.
So what do we do? I don't have the answers. I'm looking for them.
I don't blame Facebook, but if the kids can't access information that they need with some modicum of privacy (and safety) on one of the largest sites in the world, then 'social media' has become nothing more than a vehicle to empower corporate America and homophobic bigots.
And hey, if your a gay tech geek and reading this, step up to the plate and get your butt down to your local LGBT center and help them out. A few volunteered hours of your time creating a mobile app or a mobile website could save a kid's life.
January 7, 2012
Rain on 'The Best of LGBTQ Fiction for 2011'
I am humbled with the company on that list, and quite honored.
Thank you,
Brandon
January 6, 2012
Helping LGBT Youth – January 2012
As many of you already know, I am a LGBT Youth advocate and donate half the proceeds from The Value of Rain to help two local nonprofit organizations whose dedication and goals match my own. Occasionally I post updates here about what they are doing and how they are affecting the LGBT Youth community. Considering the age of both of these organizations, what they have done in such a short time is nothing less than phenomenal, and it is exactly why they will continue to get my support.
GLBTAYS - Launched an anti bullying initiative (join the cause) that reached over 150 teachers and administrators in the rural Alabama area. This IS significant, as often teachers have no resources and are on the front lines of prevention programs dealing with bullying, discrimination and sadly, suicide. If you look at nearly all the cases over the last year, the predominant outcry from those that took their lives was what was happening in school and how nothing was being done. James and the GLBTAYS organization are working very hard to prevent that from happening in rural (and very conservative) Alabama, which, ironically, is also one of the biggest communities of same-sex households in the country. (DONATE) This is in addition to the support outreach, safe space program, homelessness prevention, and a multitude of other services being offered by their organization.
Saint Lost and Found – Where do we start? Rick Westbrook and all the others at SLF have already helped over 20 LGBT kids off the streets of Atlanta and now have a house to put them in. (pic below). I was in tears reading their account of rescuing a 16 year old that had been locked in a cellar because he was gay. The police forced his parents to take him back after he ran away. And now maybe you can understand why these kids won't go to the cops, who, by law, must return them to the hostile environments from which they were running in the first place. In addition to the many fundraising activities going on to support this cause, SLF volunteers are taking to the street to seek out and find the LGBT kids most in need. For those of you that aren't local and are reading this, Atlanta is very much like New York City, a mecca for LGBT teens escaping from bible belt homes. Unfortunately, unlike NYC, it has very, very few resources for them and is one of the most hostile cities in the country when it comes to the homeless. (DONATE)
Both of these organizations could use your support, whether you offer financial help, donated goods, or donated services, they are very much appreciated and put to almost immediate use.
January 2, 2012
The Value of Rain – A Top Read of 2011
I am extremely pleased to announce that The Value of Rain was chosen by The Reading Life as a Top Read of 2011. The company and the writing on that list is breathtaking, and includes some of the best authors I have ever read. So, the mere idea that Rain was included among them has left me quite speechless. (You can read her original review here. )
I must admit that I am greatly humbled by the reaction I have received from both readers and reviewers. Both groups have sent me emails detailing personal and intimate past experiences, and have advised me how Rain has helped them to grow and overcome. Quite honestly, I don't think that any writer could ask for a better testimonial than that.
It took me ten years to write Rain and I am the very first to tell you that it is not an easy read, but nor was it ever meant to be. Rain is a journey through tragedy and loss and life; and from my perspective, I believe that this is why it speaks to people so intimately. You will either love it, or hate it, but you won't walk away untouched, and that may be the ultimate lesson in all of Charles' words.
Thank you all for your encouragement, kind words and appreciation.
The Value of Rain is available as an ebook or a paperback.
December 28, 2011
The Advocate – a poem
Those you have turned from
I have held their hands
Those you have demeaned
I have wiped their tears
Those you have silenced
I have become their voice
Those you have buried
I will help to live again
December 26, 2011
Listening to Dust – Excerpt
Synopsis -Listening to DustStephen lives in London, is the orphan of parents murdered by terrorists and has a cavity of loneliness growing in his chest.
Dustin has escaped his Southern upbringing but holds dark fears about his sexuality. He has never known a simple kiss or a hug that wasn't attached to brutality.
Finally finding the love that they have both searched a lifetime for, Dustin has one last request before he returns to his previous existence: Please forget me.
Listening to Dust – Excerpt
A storm had blown through London that night and driven them back to the flat, sopping with laughter and a wet chill. When Dustin pulled his shirt off suddenly Stephen froze and gaped at him because it was the first time Dustin had ever exposed his torso in the three months they'd been seeing each other.
"What happened there?" Stephen asked. He cringed and squeezed his eyes shut as soon as the words left his mouth; realizing, too late, that Dustin's scar was the very reason he and Dustin had never shared a shower together; why he'd never been allowed to caress the smoothness of Dustin's chest; why Dustin had always acted so adamantly withdrawn about his upper body. He turned into the pantry before Dustin could respond and busied himself with a fresh pot of tea; hoping that the casualness of his actions would make his question seem much less intrusive than it sounded.
He looked over his shoulder as he grabbed for the kettle and saw Dustin glance at him before looking down at the scar on his chest. Their short relationship was not an effortless connection for either of them. For Stephen it was a bit of an eggshell walk that left him gyrating between wanting to protect Dustin from his own demons and wishing that Dustin would open the bloody hell up so he could help him instead of watching him suffer.
For Dustin it appeared to be a slow awakening to what potential he had inside, and how much of it he would allow to be shared.
"This is the result of the last conversation I had with my mother," Dustin finally replied. He turned to the window; his hand automatically coming up to caress the scar.
Stephen let out a silent groan and bumped his forehead against the pantry wall; afraid that, once again, his prying had laid waste to the simple pleasures they had shared during the day.
But, in for a penny, in for a pound; he could either move forward with it or drop it completely and let Dustin wallow. If he did that, it was probable that he wouldn't see Dustin for a week or more. "Do you… want to talk about it?" he asked gently.
Dustin didn't answer right away. He stood staring out at the city as the rain stroked the window pane and continued to slowly caress the scar on his chest. Swish, swish, swish. Back and forth. Back and forth. It was almost hypnotic.
"My brother's funeral," Dustin answered after a few moments. "Andrew. It happened when we buried Drew."
He paused and cut his eyes to Stephen again, his sharp glance chipping at Stephen like a challenge. "That's when we broke," Dustin continued. "She broke, I broke; we all just goddamn broke. And the wonder boy, Drew, was dead. The ultimate broke."
Dustin shifted his gaze back to the window, hiding most of what he knew Stephen would see in his eyes. Or maybe he was hiding from what he would see in Stephen's eyes. Neither of them was sure.
"I did it myself," Dustin said a few moments later, "…tried to rip my heart out and put it in that bitch's hand just to hear her tell me once, just once, that she loved me."
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He was silent for a moment, lost in the memory as Stephen straightened himself off the pantry wall and began a slow move in his direction. He really wanted to rush over and comfort Dustin right at that instant, but he knew that if he intruded any further, as he had done in the past, all Dustin's old horrors could come back up and be used as a lash to drive him back.
"She looked right through me," Dustin continued; the window panes in front of him all but humming with suppressed emotion. "Then she got up and walked out while I dug my fist into my chest and screamed at her."
He shrugged, and sighed deeply, almost as if releasing something within himself. "I couldn't compete anymore, Stephen. You can't compete against the dead. Once Drew was gone her only reason to stick around was gone with him, and she left," he said, shrugging one shoulder.
"I guess I just wanted to know if she ever had any feelings for me." Dustin added as Stephen came up behind him and reached out to offer some comfort. "Turned out she didn't. I was just ignorant enough to hope otherwise," he finished.
He turned and looked at Stephen fully with a face that begged him to stop with the questions. "Can I borrow a shirt?" he asked.
Stephen dropped his arm immediately and backed off. "Of course, let me get a few towels too. We're still dripping all over the floor." He forced a smile and went to the cupboard to grab a couple of towels and then pulled an extra shirt from the wardrobe.
He came back and stood holding the shirt and towel out to Dustin. "I'm sorry, Dustin. I didn't mean to pry. It's…"
"… habit. Yes, I know," Dustin finished for him. He grabbed the towel and cupped Stephen's face with his other hand, brushing against the soft stubble that had risen. There was something in Dustin's eyes…recognition maybe; a small realization?
"I…" Stephen began.
"Shhh," Dustin said as he rubbed his thumb across Stephen's lips. "Don't say anything, please. Just let it go. Please."
Stephen sighed, and nodded.
After they had a few subdued drinks Dustin decided to stay the night. When he came into the bedroom he removed the shirt Stephen had given him and stood at the end of the bed, baring his chest and exposing his scar.
He watched Stephen appraise it for a few moments, and then studied Stephen's eyes as they came back up to his face with a visage that had no pity blossoming behind it. He smiled slightly and crawled in as Stephen beckoned him into the bed.
"Thanks," he said quietly.
Stephen nodded; knowing that his lack of words would probably do Dustin more good than trying to explain to him that he wasn't on trial; that Stephen wasn't trying to show him how to love, only that he was, in fact, loved already. Whether Dustin was willing to accept that was still to be seen.
Stephen didn't avoid Dustin's scar when they made love, but he didn't focus on it either. He moved his hands around the puckered remembrance when he gripped Dustin's chest and crossed its barrier with his lips a few times, but made nothing of it even though he was fully aware of its presence between them.
Later, when Dustin had fallen asleep, they curled into each other and Stephen looked down on it directly, cautiously sliding his fingertips across its thick crease. For a brief moment he wondered if he would ever find the key that would unlock that passage and fix all that was crooked inside.
But maybe the telling of it was a release in itself; a valve from which Dustin could decant some of the pain he held captive behind that scar; like Stephen had done with his journal after his parents had been murdered. Should he be honored that Dustin had spoken of it at all? He hadn't blown up in accusation when Stephen questioned him; hadn't stormed from the house in anger, so maybe they were making some progress in their odd and tenuous relationship after all.
And truth be told, if you could look beyond the cause of its existence, it was kind of sexy in a way. Sort of.
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December 21, 2011
Excerpt, Discount and other goodies
Have a wonderful holiday!
Brandon
