Mandi Ehman's Blog, page 51

Happy 4th {And Finding Freedom from Other People’s Expectations}

I love the 4th of July! Not only because I’m that girl who cries every time I sing The Star-Spangled Banner but also because it’s such a celebratory holiday. While there are certainly sad parts about Independence Day and the war that followed, it’s really about commemorating the birth of our country, which makes the fireworks and desserts and staying up late feel appropriate rather than frivolous like they do on, say, Memorial Day.

After getting caught in after-firework traffic with overtired children on more than one occasion, we’ve spent the last few years celebrating at home with the fireworks on TV and a sleepover in the family room. This year we’re adding in a trip to the little ice cream shop that opened up the street from us, because what says summer better than soft-serve ice cream covered in sprinkles?

I absolutely love this rendition of the national anthem that my mom’s church recorded.

But I’ve also been thinking about a different kind of freedom over the past week or so, prompted by my friend Laura’s comment on my post about our decision to start Jackson on formula. She said:

“To borrow a dear friends hashtag #screamingfreedom. Proud of you Mandi, you are an amazing mama and you have made a choice that is best for your family full of faith for what God has in store. From that we can all learn a lesson about not measuring ourselves according to each other’s “choices” but rather letting love have the final say.”

Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about that #screamingfreedom hashtag and how it applies to our role as women in general and moms in particular. While I’ve always been a bit of a noncomformist, it’s only been in my 30s that I’ve really felt the freedom to be myself rather than trying to fit into someone else’s box for me — whether that’s as a mom, a homeschooler, a Christian or an entrepreneur.

This year, as those of us in the U.S. celebrate Independence Day, my hope is that it will also be a reminder to find freedom from other people’s expectations…

Freedom to hold your baby as much as you want and to choose formula if that’s the right decision for your family.

Freedom to homeschool. Or send your kids to public school.

Freedom to dye your hair green or get a tattoo.

Freedom to celebrate with other people rather than comparing yourself to them.

Freedom to admit you don’t have all the answers…and to keep asking questions.

Freedom to love your home the way it is and to open it to other people.

Freedom to embrace your unique talents and passions.

Freedom to be you, just the way God made you.

What expectations do you need to find freedom from today?

photo source: Shardayyy

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

Happy 4th {And Finding Freedom from Other People’s Expectations}

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

     
CommentsA beautiful way to relate freedom to us as women. Thank you, ... by Kristen from The Road to DomesRelated StoriesHow to Offer Advice {And How Not To!}An Important Lesson for Life & Gardening from an Organic FarmerGiveaway: Wood Watch from JORD ($129 Value!)

What If We Gave Them the Benefit of the Doubt?

A couple of months ago, our oldest daughter spilled half a bag of frozen fruit on the kitchen floor. Eight dollars worth of fruit covered in dog hair.

My initial reaction was anger.

It seemed like she was sneaking fruit while the rest of us were working to put away groceries, clean out the car and get settled after a morning of running errands, and the mess was a direct result of that choice.

But as I sent her to her room in tears, I heard a still, small voice asking me to take a second look at the situation.

In reality, she wasn’t trying to sneak the fruit, and she certainly didn’t mean to spill it everywhere. She was simply acting impulsively – like a child — because she was so excited that we’d gotten a new mix of fruit (mangoes, pineapples and strawberries…mmm!) and she couldn’t wait to try it.

The spill was an accident, plain and simple.

Our default as human beings (or at least mine) may be to assume the worst as we interact with the people around us — loved ones and strangers alike — but what if we chose to give them the benefit of the doubt instead?

Our Children

I don’t know about your children, but my children do not spend the majority of their days trying to be willfully disobedient (although they all definitely have their moments!). Instead, they explore, make impulsive decisions, react out of hurt, frustration and loneliness, or act like, well, children.

What if I took the time to understand their motives before I reacted?

When something gets spilled or broken, is it because they were trying to make a mess or because they overestimated their abilities? When they hurt someone, is it because they were trying to hurt them or just because they got a little rough, weren’t paying enough attention or didn’t realize their words were hurtful? When they’re whining or crying over every little thing, what do they really need — food, sleep, a hug?

If I want them to extend grace to one another in these situations, I have to model it first. And not everything needs to be a discipline issue.

The real question, for me, is how often do I make a mess, break something or hurt someone for the exact same reasons? It’s unfair to hold them to higher standards than I hold myself, and if I want understanding when I mess up, I should offer my children the same.

Our Friends and Spouses

How often do we react with hurt to the actions or words of someone we love when truly they don’t mean to hurt us?

I love when my husband points out that what I really am is hangry (hungry + angry) when I start snapping, not only because it feels good to be known but also because it helps me deal with those feelings by zipping my lips until I can get food in them!

Similarly, when a friend or family member makes an off-the-cuff remark that hurts us, our reaction really should depend on their motive. While boundaries in relationships are important and we should protect ourselves if there is a clear pattern of behavior, it’s important to differentiate between those situations and the ones where the other person truly had the best intentions.

If we’re automatically assuming the worst of other people in every situation, our relationships will never be built on trust, respect and love.

Strangers

It always perplexes me when people with many children talk about all of the negative comments they get when they’re out with their children; I truly cannot think of one time that has happened to us, and it’s not because we’re anything special.

While I’m sure there are unhappy people out there who really are trying to be hurtful, I don’t think that’s the case in most circumstances.

For us, when someone shakes their head and says, “Wow, you really have your hands full!” I choose to see that as a compliment instead. {And honestly? I do kinda have my hands full. Thanks for noticing!} When they laugh and jokingly ask, “Don’t you know how THAT happens?” while pointing at our new baby, I choose to see it as friendly banter from someone looking for a little connection in the midst of a busy world. And while I was prepared to be annoyed by the “Oh, you finally got your boy!” comments, we’re all so smitten with him that I can’t help but laugh and say, “Yes. Yes, we did!”

I could choose to see those comments as nasty or nosy or negative, but I choose not to, and honestly that’s a lot more fun!

On the Internet

And finally, this rule could change the internet as we know it if we’d simply follow it.

Nowhere on earth do people feel the freedom to judge and respond harshly like they do via the anonymity of the internet, but rather than responding with nastiness to the perceived faults of various writers, bloggers and commenters, what if we took the time to consider them as real, live human beings first?

What if, instead of reacting to differences in our opinions and belief systems, we compared the similarities and gave other people the benefit of the doubt as intelligent, loving people who simply have different opinions and viewpoints?

You know what would happen? It would open the door for actual productive dialogue where we were trying to understand and appreciate each other’s perspectives rather than summarily dismissing them and ruining any opportunity for connection!

Do you struggle with this like I do? Who could you give the benefit of the doubt today?

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

What If We Gave Them the Benefit of the Doubt?

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesOn Pumping and Bottles, Formula and ShameScheduling Your Day Without Losing Your MindHappiness Versus Joy and Why We Choose Happy Too

Dear Readers… + Desktop Calendar {July 2014}

To download the image above to use as your desktop wallpaper, simply click the image (or this link: July 2014 Desktop Calendar) and choose Save Link As… Then, open the picture, right click and choose Set as desktop background.

Dear Readers…

We just got back from two weeks in Florida, and I think it’s hotter and stickier here in West Virginia than it was there. Only we don’t have a pool in the backyard to cool off in anymore!

While summertime is for splashing in the sprinkler, making memories and enjoying a slower pace, in our home it’s also about…Christmas.

Say what?

Yep, July is the month that we start gearing up for the 101 Days of Christmas series here at Life Your Way so that by the time the Christmas season rolls around, I have the time and energy to actually enjoy it.

So while you’re making s’mores and splashing in your baby pool, I might just be making ornaments and Christmas cookies. But I love it, so don’t feel too bad for me!

{Also, there’s an awesome collection of Christmas ebooks and a FREE bonus Christmas album this week at BundleoftheWeek.com, so grab yours before it ends on Monday, 7/7 so that you’ll have them for the Christmas season!}

This month on Facebook we’re talking about “Saying Yes” in the Life Your Way Monthly group. If you find yourself always saying no and wishing you could be a fun mom more often, this month’s topic is for you!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and enthusiasm; I love hearing from you in the comments and by email!

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

Dear Readers… + Desktop Calendar {July 2014}

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesAll Dressed Up in Coral & Navy Blue for Our Family PhotosDear Readers… + Desktop Calendar {June 2014}Dear Readers… + Desktop Calendar {April 2014}

Strawberry Rhubarb Walnut Crisp: Easy Summer Desserts

The following post is from Shaina of Food for My Family and Olmanson Photography:

Tart rhubarb and perfect summer strawberries come together under a crunchy walnut-dotted crisp topping in this easy summer dessert recipe.

We arrived home around noon, tired from a morning of squatting in the field and running back and forth from the water jug to our designated row, filling cardboard flats with bright red berries. Mouths were stained around the edges from handfuls of berries consumed on the drive back, and we all collapsed on the couch as we considered the remaining day.

I could extol the virtues of berry picking for days, waxing poetic about the benefits to your kids, the way nothing is quite like a sun-warmed berry eaten in the field, how it teaches us to appreciate our food. However, when you get home with your flats filled with the beautiful guys there is always that realization that you’ll need to process and package them up. Now.

My go-to as I’m cutting tops off berries and sorting them into measured piles for jam, pies, freezing, and the like, is to make something with them instantly. It provides that self-satisfaction as though I’ve accomplished something grand and can check it off my list. Enter the fruit crisp.

Easy to throw together, fruit crisp is one step away from pie but without all the pastry trouble. It’s quick to come together, and by the time I’ve finished with the rest of the berries, there’s dessert for all. A sweet reward for a morning’s work.

Strawberry Rhubarb Walnut Crisp   Print Author: Shaina Olmanson | FoodforMyFamily.com Recipe type: dessert Serves: 6-8 Ingredients 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature (can substitute coconut oil) ⅓ cup brown sugar or palm sugar ¾ cup all-purpose flour 1 cup quick-cooking oats ½ cup finely chopped walnuts ½ teaspoon salt For the strawberry rhubarb filling: 3 cups diced rhubarb 4 cups strawberries, sliced ¾ cup granulated or palm sugar 1 tablespoon arrowroot powder or cornstarch ¼ cup orange juice Directions Preheat your oven to 350ºF. Mix together the butter, brown sugar, flour, oats, walnuts, and salt with a fork until crumbly. Set aside. Toss the rhubarb and strawberries in the sugar. In a small bowl, combine the arrowroot and orange juice until the arrowroot is dissolved. Add to the rhubarb and strawberries and stir to coat. Pour the strawberries into 9x13" baking dish. Sprinkle the topping over the fruit evenly. Bake for 50-60 minutes, until the fruit is thick and bubbling and the topping is golden brown. Serve warm or cool. Ice cream is always a good choice. Notes Variations:

Substitute the rhubarb and strawberries with any summer fruit that is in season. Try a mixed berry or a peach crisp. #version#


 


What are your favorite summer desserts?

Shaina Olmanson is the freelance writer, photographer, and home cook behind Food for My Family. Cooking daily with and for her four kids and husband, Ole, drives her desire to inspire other families to do the same. Shaina is also the author of Desserts in Jars and contributes regularly to a variety of online sites and traditional print magazines.

Strawberry Rhubarb Walnut Crisp: Easy Summer Desserts

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesDairy Free Apple-Cinnamon Oat CakesStrawberry Cheesecake PopsRaspberry Spinach Turkey Wraps {Lunch or Dinner on the Go!}

How to Work Smart, Not Hard

The following post is from Katie of Making This Home and Gadanke:

I’m six months into this work at home mom gig, though I’ve worked from home for a few years. “Home” to me is an airplane hangar on a small but active runway. I can’t just hide in a basement and crank out my work because there are constant interruptions (my favorite being my seven month old son!).

It’s easy to get sidetracked by chores. It’s even easier to get distracted by the kids! I realized long ago – and I think Mandi would agree – that there is an enormous difference between working hard and working smart.

Six tips on how to work smart, not hard:

1. Learn your work rhythms, and don’t fight them.

Last night, the baby and I got up around 4:30 to nurse. My husband was still up! That’s when his brain really works.  He’s tried fighting it. We’ve fought about it. (I’m a morning person.) But in the end, embrace your best hours. Be productive when you see yourself accomplishing the most, not when society says you should be at your peak performance.

2. Ask for help with work.

Your first inclination is probably, “I can do it all.” And to some level, you probably can. But someone else can do it better. Ask for help so that you can focus on the things that you’re good at. (For example, I have an assistant who specifically photographs and ships all the writing prompt journals in my shop, Gadanke.) That way you’re not taking care of tedious tasks when you really want to be cooking your family dinner or playing with your kids.

3. Schedule intentional breaks.

When you work, work smart. Don’t just go and go and go. Then pause. Every day, do something just because you enjoy it. Otherwise you’ll burn out. The same goes for your months and years. Take full days off, and go have fun.

4. Eat good food.

Sure, caffeine is great. But it isn’t going to give you the mental energy you need. Eat some vegetables. Eat some fruit. Every day. It’s summer – you can do this.

5. Let go of the need to do everything.

My blog, Making This Home, got a little quiet this past month as I began writing here and ramping up some marketing projects. I realized I could beat myself up about this, or I could celebrate the pretty awesome things that I am accomplishing (like releasing this already popular mother son journal!).

6. Make sleep a top priority.

I know you have a lot to do. Sleep is the easiest thing to cut back on. But here’s the thing. Sleep deprivation influences your brain. It changes your productivity and reduces your ability to problem solve. It can impair your mind exactly like intoxication. And if you’re so busy trying to do everything, you won’t even recognize that sleep deprivation has hit.

How do you work smart?

Katie Clemons is a storycatcher and journal crafter. She helps people celebrate their stories with her award-winning writing prompt journals at Gadanke. She also blogs at Making This Home about simple, handmade living from a vintage airplane hangar in Montana.

How to Work Smart, Not Hard

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

     
CommentsThese are all great tips, but I think #5 and #6 have been the ... by Heather @ My Overflowing CupMy most important realization in working from home is to take ... by Alexa MasonRelated StoriesThe Productive Morning Routine I Never ExpectedCharge What You’re Worth

How to work smart, not hard

The following post is from Katie of Making This Home and Gadanke:

I’m six months into this work at home mom gig, though I’ve worked from home for a few years. “Home” to me is an airplane hangar on a small but active runway. I can’t just hide in a basement and crank out my work because there are constant interruptions (my favorite being my seven month old son!).

It’s easy to get sidetracked by chores. It’s even easier to get distracted by the kids! I realized long ago – and I think Mandi would agree – that there is an enormous difference between working hard and working smart.

Six tips on how to work smart, not hard:

1. Learn your work rhythms, and don’t fight them.

Last night, the baby and I got up around 4:30 to nurse. My husband was still up! That’s when his brain really works.  He’s tried fighting it. We’ve fought about it. (I’m a morning person.) But in the end, embrace your best hours. Be productive when you see yourself accomplishing the most, not when society says you should be at your peak performance.

2. Ask for help with work.

Your first inclination is probably, “I can do it all.” And to some level, you probably can. But someone else can do it better. Ask for help so that you can focus on the things that you’re good at. (For example, I have an assistant who specifically photographs and ships all the writing prompt journals in my shop, Gadanke.) That way you’re not taking care of tedious tasks when you really want to be cooking your family dinner or playing with your kids.

3. Schedule intentional breaks.

When you work, work smart. Don’t just go and go and go. Then pause. Every day, do something just because you enjoy it. Otherwise you’ll burn out. The same goes for your months and years. Take full days off, and go have fun.

4. Eat good food.

Sure, caffeine is great. But it isn’t going to give you the mental energy you need. Eat some vegetables. Eat some fruit. Every day. It’s summer – you can do this.

5. Let go of the need to do everything.

My blog, Making This Home, got a little quiet this past month as I began writing here and ramping up some marketing projects. I realized I could beat myself up about this, or I could celebrate the pretty awesome things that I am accomplishing (like releasing this already popular mother son journal!).

6. Make sleep a top priority.

I know you have a lot to do. Sleep is the easiest thing to cut back on. But here’s the thing. Sleep deprivation influences your brain. It changes your productivity and reduces your ability to problem solve. It can impair your mind exactly like intoxication. And if you’re so busy trying to do everything, you won’t even recognize that sleep deprivation has hit.

How do you work smart?

Katie Clemons is a storycatcher and journal crafter. She helps people celebrate their stories with her award-winning writing prompt journals at Gadanke. She also blogs at Making This Home about simple, handmade living from a vintage airplane hangar in Montana.

How to work smart, not hard

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesThe Productive Morning Routine I Never ExpectedCharge What You’re Worth

Weekend Reading: June 28, 2014

Sooooooooo close!

If he could just figure out how to move his knees, Jackson would be crawling, and I have a feeling there won’t be any stopping him once he figures it out. This little guy is busy, busy, busy even as a non-mobile baby, but we’re all still really anxious for him to master this new skill!

Here are some of my favorite posts from this week. As always, check out what I’m reading and what I’m pinning to see the other posts that make me stop and think (or, you know, drool…). You’ll find new posts all week long!

Heavenly Homemakers

This week’s BundleoftheWeek.com collection is an amazing set of ebooks from Laura at Heavenly Homemakers. Subscribe to the free BundleoftheWeek.com newsletter to learn more!

Freezing Muffin Batter for Quick Breakfasts and Snacks | Heavenly Homemakers


You CAN Save Money on Whole Foods! | Heavenly Homemakers


Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up? | Heavenly Homemakers

A Magical Summer

Why Free Play Is the Best Summer School | Jessica Lahey – The Atlantic


A Wild Card Day (or two or few) | Enjoying the Small Things


Dear Kids: It’s OK to Be Bored | Huffington Post

{Not} Just for Moms

Let’s just assume … | To Sow A Seed


20 Bad Habits That Contribute To Mom Burnout | Abundant Mama


10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make (Me Included) | Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis


10 Things Happy Moms Don’t Do | finding joy

Have a great weekend!

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

Weekend Reading: June 28, 2014

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesWeekend Reading: June 21, 2014Weekend Reading: June 14, 2014Weekend Reading: June 7, 2014

Printable Patriotic Pinwheels for the 4th of July

The following post is from Jason & Jennifer Bruce of New Season Design :

Summer is a time for kids to be creative and enjoy being kids.

As we were spring cleaning our office closet, our nine year old daughter and I uncovered a treasure trove of craft projects. So we’re spending a lot of our down time this summer creating!

If you’d like to join us, kids and grown-ups will both enjoy these patriotic pinwheels…just in time for the 4th of July!

Here’s how to put them together:

Click here to download the pinwheel templates.
Choose two of the four designs, and print them front-to-back on a sheet of paper.
Trim the paper square.
Cut along the dotted lines, stopping before the center of the square.
Fold one tip of each triangle into the center. Adhere just outside of the center using hot glue, or tape the tips together in the center.
Once all 4 triangle tips are secure, place a thumbtack through the center of the pinwheel.
Push the thumbtack into the eraser of a pencil.
Add wind and enjoy the spinning!








Jason & Jennifer Bruce are the husband-and-wife design team behind New Season Design, where they work together to help clients put their best foot forward online. Jason is a pastor-turned-graphic designer, and Jennifer is a teacher-turned-blog designer who also blogs at The Simple Pen about life, learning and the things she loves.

Printable Patriotic Pinwheels for the 4th of July

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

    Related StoriesPreparing for a Road Trip with 4 Kids & a Dog{Summer Printables}Our 2014 {Simple} Summer Bucket List

Dairy Free Apple-Cinnamon Oat Cakes

I first discovered Scottish oat cakes on the Plan to Eat blog, and they’ve been a staple for breakfast in our home ever since. (As a side note, I have read that some regions make this type of oat cake while others make a more savory version without sugar or milk that is more of a cracker, and I’d love to try those!)

Because I’m dairy free, I’ve adjusted the recipe to avoid the butter and milk so that I can enjoy them with the girls. This week, we decided to add diced apples and cinnamon to a batch, and I’m looking forward to trying other fruit combinations in the coming weeks. {Peaches!}

These are quick to whip up in the morning, absolutely perfect with a little fruit and a fried egg, and filling enough to keep you full all morning.

Dairy Free Apple-Cinnamon Oat Cakes
 

Print


Ingredients

2 cups old-fashioned oats
1-1/4 cup white whole wheat flour*
¼ cup coconut sugar (or brown sugar)
¾ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon sea salt
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ cored apple, finely diced
¼ cup coconut oil**
½ cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk



Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
In a medium bowl, combine oats, flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Stir until mixed. Add the apple and toss until combined.
Add the coconut oil, using the back of the spoon to rub it into the flour until it resembles a coarse meal. Add the milk and mix well.
On a lightly floured surface, roll (or press) the dough into a circle until it is ¼” thick. Use a knife or pizza cutter to cut it into 8-12 wedges.
Transfer to a stone or baking sheet.
Bake for 12-15 minutes until the edges begin to brown. Let cool slightly and serve warm or store at room temperature for later (but ours never last!).



Notes
*To make these gluten free, use certified gluten-free oats and grind additional oats to make oat flour instead.



**Use virgin coconut oil for a slight coconut flavor or refined for no coconut flavor. If it’s hot in your kitchen, stick the pre-measured oil in the freezer while you combine the dry ingredients so that you can add it as a solid rather than a liquid.

3.2.1284

 

Click here to add this recipe to your Plan to Eat account.

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

Dairy Free Apple-Cinnamon Oat Cakes

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

     
CommentsThanks! I'm always looking for dairy-free snacks for my ... by CassieRelated StoriesStrawberry Cheesecake PopsMom’s Superfood Brownies {Plus Other Ways to Use Pumpkin All Year Long!}Raspberry Spinach Turkey Wraps {Lunch or Dinner on the Go!}

On Pumping and Bottles, Formula and Shame

As I type this, I am currently attached to a hospital grade double breast pump, listening to the rhythmic sounds of the pump as my milk fills the bottles.

In some ways, the journey to this place has been a whirlwind, well off the path I planned to take. But in hindsight, I can see the landmarks we passed along the way.

***

First, a few things you should know:

Other than 1 or 2 attempts at a bottle with our oldest (with the idea that I could sleep in on weekend mornings and leave her with babysitters, neither of which I ever actually did!), none of our girls ever had a bottle or any milk other than mama’s milk in their first year of life. I actually had a post draft started to let other young moms know that — like sleep issues — it’s okay if that was the approach they wanted to take since many people view pumps and bottles as new mommy must-haves.

Also, if anything, I follow more of an “attachment parenting” philosophy with Jackson than I ever did with our girls, as anyone who follows me on Instagram has probably already guessed. We cosleep. He naps in my arms. Sean and I both wear him for several hours each day. In general, I worry less about schedules and spoiling the baby and all of that other stuff and just focus on cherishing the moments big and small.

And yet…he is officially our first baby to not only get pumped breast milk but to have formula as well.

You should also know that I was formula fed, and while I suppose I might be a better “finisher” and more extroverted if my mom had breastfed me (cue the sarcasm), I was rarely sick as a child, I have always been a healthy weight, I graduated summa cum laude from college, and I am very close to my mom. So I’ve never really been biased against formula other than because of the cost and extra work involved.

I’m aware that there may be backlash on writing this post (and honestly have already seen it a bit from well-meaning but opinionated friends and acquaintances). And I know there are options other than formula. But here’s the thing: it’s easy to have opinions about what someone else should do, but every parent has to make the decisions that they feel are best for their family.

***

Now, for our story:

At 6 months old, our previously chubby baby began to slide rapidly off the growth charts. All of our babies have been tiny, so the 25th percentile wasn’t concerning in itself, but when he dropped further to the 5th percentile within a couple of months, our radar was on high alert.

When we’d first noticed the slowdown happening, I’d started nursing him on demand around the clock, even as often as every 2 hours all night long. But it didn’t seem to make a difference.

The slowdown in his growth combined with some digestive issues he had when eating solid foods (which he loves, can handle mechanically and practically begs for) sent us back to our pediatrician in between well visits, where we saw an even bigger drop in his growth curve. {And he eventually stopped gaining weight altogether.)

Rather than run pointless tests without any idea of what might be going on, our pediatrician (whom we absolutely adore and has walked through other scary events with us) sent us to a pediatric GI.

While the digestion issue is one we want to address, our biggest concern is really his weight. Babies need plenty of fat in the first year because it assists with brain development, and falling off the growth curve so drastically is a sign that he’s not getting enough calories or fat in his daily diet.

As I was processing everything the doctor said and what we needed to do, I realized that I had had nagging doubts about whether he was eating enough along the way. In addition to being a lightning fast nurser (about 4-5 minutes per feeding) it’s always been hard to get him to take more once he gets distracted and easy to soothe him if it seemed like it was too soon for him to eat again. He’s also become much fussier over the past few months, and I wish I could look back and see if that coincided with the slowdown in his growth.

Within two days of beginning a bottle of half breast milk/half formula, we saw differences: he rarely cried — or even fussed, really — except for when he bonked his head with a toy, couldn’t reach something he was after, etc. And, most notably, he suddenly had more energy and even seems to need less sleep.

You know what didn’t change? Our attachment. He still sleeps cuddled up next to me. I still find myself staring at him while he eats, occasionally catching his eyes as I coo and murmur to him. He still snuggles in close while he drinks, slowly drifting off as his belly gets full.

And now? A week after starting formula, he’s taking his bottles like a champ. He’s still not eating as much as I think he should be (and pumping has proven that the problem is not with my milk supply but with his appetite), and I have a feeling that the doctor may have us increase the powder-to-liquid ratio after he reviews his most recent feeding log.

I’m still getting used to hooking up to a machine 4 times a day, and I’m slowly building a freezer supply of milk to ensure that we’re able to continue to give him half-and-half bottles for as long as possible.

{We are still nursing once at night because I will hold onto my lazy mom ways for as long as possible, which does not include getting out of bed for a bottle in the middle of the night!}

And I’m at peace.

I love feeding him a bottle. I love watching him try to hold it himself. I love when he pushes it toward my mouth so that I’ll playfully pretend to gobble it down. And I’m thankful that we live in a time and place where we have specialists and options available to us to help our little guy get the nutrition he needs!

***

So why am I telling you all of this? Quite honestly because Brene Brown told me to.

Okay, she didn’t tell me that directly, but as I was reading Daring Greatly (about vulnerability, shame and wholehearted living), I realized — despite being notoriously open about our life on social media — I was hiding the fact that we started formula simply because I couldn’t handle the pushback from those who may believe we’ve made the wrong decision.

The truth is that I know deep down in my heart of hearts that this is the best solution for us. I haven’t had a single regret since we made the decision. But I was still letting shame take hold of me because of other people’s opinions. And Brene says that words are the only way to banish shame.

So these are my words.

Have you had to make hard parenting decisions? Have you ever had a baby drop of the growth chart? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!

Mandi Ehman is the blogger behind Life Your Way. She and her husband have four beautiful girls plus one baby boy, and together they live, work and homeschool on a little slice of heaven in wild, wonderful West Virginia. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces.

On Pumping and Bottles, Formula and Shame

© 2010-2014 Purple Martin Press, LLC | All rights reserved

     
Commentswhat a bummer to read the words “shame” in this post. Our ... by steflaytonI mean….YEAH!!! I would have loved to have exclusively ... by BessThis brings back a lot of memories for me. I attempted to ... by Christina@Northern CheapskateI'm reading this as I pump for my DD who is 12 wks. I'm a GYM ... by Meggin BallI think one of the most difficult things about parenting is ... by Heather @ My Overflowing CupPlus 5 more...Related StoriesScheduling Your Day Without Losing Your MindHappiness Versus Joy and Why We Choose Happy TooWhat Drowning Really Looks Like