Mandi Ehman's Blog, page 10

Can you ever get just *one* tattoo?

“I only want one tattoo. No more.”

Those were my famous last words, as they say, and sure enough, two years after my first tattoos, I ended up back at a tattoo shop on Sunday.

Before I got my wrist tattoos, I’d always wanted a tattoo to represent each of my children, so you could say I’ve been thinking about this tattoo for years. But I’ve been actively considering different ideas—birds versus arrows, forearm versus shoulder—for several months.

In the end, I settled for arrows as a visual representation of Psalm 127:3-5:

Behold, children are a (gift) from the Lord,


The fruit of the womb is a reward.


Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,


So are the children of one’s youth.


Happy is the (wo)man who has (her) quiver full of them;


They shall not be ashamed,


But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

I love this word picture of motherhood…the children of my youth, a gift from the Lord, arrows in the hand of a warrior, a full quiver…and I love having it on my arm (as opposed to my back, where I was originally planning to get it) as a reminder that I can see.

{Trina from Beginner Beans wrote a beautiful post on why her arrow tattoo is her ebenezer for motherhood, and she says it much better than me!}

I designed this tattoo myself (although my tattoo artist did have to simplify it in a few places), and the six arrows represent our kids in order from left to right.

There isn’t any symbolism in the actual arrowhead or fletching design used on each, but the four circles on the shafts represent the babies we miscarried before each of those children were conceived.

I really, really love it, and I’m so glad I finally got it done.

And yes, I’m pretty sure this was my last tattoo. (I know better than to say never, though!)

Related posts:
Take better photos by the end of today
6 lessons I’ve learned about kids in the kitchen
{REMINDER} Don’t miss this deal!
Enjoy today, mama.



     

The stories that aren’t mine to share

You may have noticed (although I understand if you haven’t!) that it’s been quiet around these parts recently. Life has been busy in a way that I’m not quite sure I understood before now.

I’ve actually been on the road more than I’ve been home (22 days out of the last 6 weeks), and we’ve spent more than 60 hours driving and taken 4 flights so far, with another trip to Florida (this time to help my parents unpack their new home!) again on Friday. Add the days it takes to prepare for those trips and recover from them once we’re home, and to say I’ve been feeling stretched is putting it mildly.

But there’s another reason I haven’t been blogging, and that’s because the things that are occupying my brain and my heart and my time just simply aren’t my stories to share.

I’m pretty much an open book as a blogger. I talk about my struggles and my successes, my fears and my joys, and there are plenty of times I simply ramble as I try to make sense of my own thoughts and feelings.

But I’ve always been careful when I blog about other people: I write a lot about my babies and toddlers, but I always ask my girls’ permission before sharing a story about one of them. For the most part Sean prefers that I don’t talk about him too much on the blog, so I will never be a sex or marriage blogger. And I don’t share stories about other people without first asking them. (I even had my mom read last week’s open letter before I posted it.)

The last six weeks have been very “others” focused for us. There’s been a lot of heartache, a lot of prayer, a lot of listening. (And a lot of joy in the midst of that too!) I recently said that life has been relentless; it’s been one big thing after another, and any time we’re tempted to relax or get comfortable, another curve ball comes our way.

And, honestly, it’s been hard for me to carry all of that around without a way to process it in writing. For whatever reason, I’ve never been much of a journaler in the traditional sense (or at least not since middle school), and it’s not something I’ve been able to pick back up as an adult. But I have come to rely on the writing process here on the blog to help me clarify my thoughts and feelings, so it’s been hard not to be able to do that.

I’m also still working my regular job for Ultimate Bundles in cracks of time…in airports and in the car, after everyone is in bed and whenever the baby is happy enough for me to lay him down for a few minutes.

Between work and a brain and heart that are stuffed full, I just can’t seem to make room to write posts about how our spiral checklists have evolved, what we’re having for dinner, or why I’m going to have to revise this year’s reading goal.

While I can’t share the specifics (or even the generals!) about the things that are occupying my mind and heart these days, here’s what I can share:

1. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to say.” I’m so thankful for this bit of wisdom that my mom passed on to me. Instead of hiding from the situations where we’re not sure what to say, it’s 100% okay to simply state that upfront and then listen. Hugs and sitting side by side sharing a meal go a long way, and sometimes silence is better than words anyway.

2. All people really want is to know you’re there. You don’t have to give them advice, make it better, or even fully understand. They want you to look them in the eye and say, “I hear you. And I love you. Not in spite of what you’re sharing, but just because you’re you.”

3. Margin is a good thing, but the margin is there for when life overflows. It’s okay to be intentional about your yeses and liberal with your nos, but sometimes someone you love needs you right now. And saying yes in those cases might take you from a comfortably full life to just-do-the-next-thing. But holding on too tightly to your margin and plans can make you miss out on real relationship and community.

***

I can’t say for sure when I’m going to get back to a regular posting schedule—hopefully soon! In the meantime, I think this kind of busyness might be the very definition of living wholeheartedly. I won’t be able to keep it up for the longterm, but I’m glad I’m saying yes to the people I love for now.

No related posts.

     

An open letter to my divorced parents: Thank you.

Mom & Dad,

It’s been many years since I’ve said your names together for any reason, something I didn’t realize until I typed them just now. These days it’s Mom & Mike and Dad & Jodie (or, more often, Nona & Pop and Gramps & Jammie).

But I was struck last week by just how lucky I am, and I wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for always putting me first, even when the pain and anger of your divorce probably made that harder than I’ll ever know.

Thank you for never speaking badly about each other.

Thank you for respecting and honoring the role that you both play in my life and the lives of my children.

Thank you for marrying people who love me as their own, in their own ways, and who love my children as grandparents do.

Thank you for continuing to love and care for your ex-in laws…and for each other’s new families.

Thank you for never creating awkward situations or making me choose between you at special events.

There are moments that stand out to me over the past 28 years…being called into the TV room where you told me you were getting a divorce; watching my Daddy walk out and climb into his truck to go live at his parents; sitting at my grandmother’s house watching her love on my baby sister, even though she had no relation or obligation to her; seeing you hug at many funerals over the years; and watching both of my fathers shake hands in a way that showed genuine respect.

There are funny moments too, like the time Peyton, at three years old, looked between you and asked, “Gramps, do you know Nona?” I’m thankful that made us all laugh rather than creating awkwardness.

With a baby sister who has become my best friend, I can’t help but be thankful for your divorce, even though I know it represents brokenness, because wishing for things to be different would mean missing out on her very existence.

I know not everyone is so lucky, but I’m beyond thankful that our story is one of overcoming the hurt and anger with love, honor, and respect. I know there have been hard moments—some that you hid from me that I’ve only learned about as an adult, some that I saw, and some I’ll never know about—but those moments never defined what having divorced parents meant for me, and for that I’m thankful!

These days, I’m wearing Mom’s old wedding ring set. One day, I plan to split the diamonds to create earrings for each of our girls and a piece for each of my future daughter-in-laws as well. Because while divorce is always heartbreaking, your marriage was the beginning of me and this family of mine, and I’m thankful that we can look back and celebrate that instead of focusing on the loss.

So…thank you for taking a hard situation and doing it right, and thank you for being an example to others who are walking this tough road!

Related posts:
On obedience and the right to an opinion
On making plans, embracing surprises and having SIX kids
Take better photos by the end of today
A quick update on Jackson…



     

Weekend reading: February 20, 2016

From Instagram: Baby toes.

Baby boy and I ended up in Florida this week for a memorial for my uncle. It was good to leave the bitter cold behind and enjoy the sunshine state for a few days, and it was great to see family.

I had every intention of posting like normal, but traveling gets us out of our routine and schedule, and I should have known that was unrealistic!

What I’m reading: Will It Fly? by Pat Flynn

What I’m thinking about:

{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}

Practical fashion advice

Accessories for beginners | Putting Me Together


7 Lessons From a Tiny Wardrobe | Project 333


10 Things that Should NOT Be in Your Closet | Andrea Dekker

The makings of a healthy marriage

Why Speaking Well of Your Spouse Is So Important | Michael Hyatt


On Marriage as Mutual Submission | Live Renewed


The One Sure Sign You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | Visionary Womanhood

Living intentionally with the time we’ve got

Everything You Miss While You are Busy Doing it All | Be More with Less


“Taking Risks” Is Not the Same as “Doing Hard Things” | The Art of Non-Conformity


You Weren’t Born to Pay Off Debt and Die | Blonde on a Budget

Have a great weekend!

P.S. Don’t miss the opportunity to sign up for the Adore Your Wardrobe course. Registration closes on Monday!

Related posts:
Weekend reading: February 21, 2015
Weekend reading: February 28, 2015
Weekend reading: March 21, 2015
Weekend reading: April 18, 2015



     

My Stitch Fix capsule {and creating a wardrobe I adore}

I’ve been toying with the idea of a capsule wardrobe or uniform for more than a year now, and I’ve been so inspired by bloggers like Amy at Mom Advice and Anne at Modern Mrs. Darcy {who are fashionable but not specifically style bloggers} as I try to figure out my style.

But every time I try to sort through my closet to actually create a capsule, I get so overwhelmed. How do I know which clothes to keep? How do you use the same pieces to create several different outfits? How do you layer?

Although I have six kids, I’m not even 34 years old yet, and yet I feel so frumpy a lot of the time. My mom and sister are both extremely fashionable, which on one hand means I get lots of cute hand-me-downs and on the other means that I really look frumpy next to them.

This is why I have been raving about Stitch Fix since I joined last February. With the help of a personal stylist, I’ve gotten some really cute clothes that I wouldn’t have purchased otherwise. I love my Stitch Fix clothes, and I reach for them often.

My last fix came with 5 items that could be mix-and-matched easily, and I realized that the clothes I’ve gotten over the past year form the perfect base for a capsule wardrobe.

The only problem? I still don’t know how to put outfits together or layer.

So when Kelly at Redefined Mom emailed me to say that she was launching her brand new Adore Your Wardrobe course on Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t have been more excited. While Kelly doesn’t specifically focus on capsule or minimalist wardrobes, she does teach you exactly how to dress for your body type, select clothes you’ll love, layer, and put outfits together, which is exactly what I need.

In fact, her Rule of Four (which you can access for FREE here) may have offered the biggest a-ha moment I’ve ever had regarding fashion. Now I understand why I can spot outfits I love on other people but never quite put them together myself, and I’m excited to start using this rule to change that!

Today I thought I’d share a peek at my current Stitch Fix pieces, which I’m using as the base of my capsule wardrobe. I’m going to spend the next month going through Kelly’s course, and then I’m hoping by April I’ll be ready to pack up a lot of clothes that I don’t really wear or adore and have a real capsule wardrobe for spring!

My current wishlist includes a pair of lighter wash, distressed jeans, preferably ones that fit and look as great as my Just Black jeans do. I also really need a few nicer tanks that have more style than the basic tanks I currently wear under my cardigans and as a summer uniform!

Just Black Dean Ankle Zip Skinny Jeans, $78
Market & Sprice Char Ikat Print Maxi Skirt, $58
Fate Gradon Sheer Raglan Seam Sweater, $64
Market & Spruce Avah Knit Top, $58
Fun2Fun Alfredo Crew Neck Blouse, $48
Look by M Prescott Fringe Edge Scarf, $32
Octavia Tina Checkered Infinity Scarf, $34
Pixley Martina Slub Knit Open Cardigan, $48
41Hawthorn Billi Open Cardigan, $48
41Hawthorn Abrianna Longsleeve Knit Cardigan, $48

(I completely forgot about my Rune Porter leggings when I was taking pictures, but those are definitely one of my staples as well!)

Click here to create your style profile and schedule your first fix! 

***

The Adore Your Wardrobe eCourse is a 30-day course that will change the way you think about fashion and your wardrobe. This course contains videos, written overviews, and worksheets to help give you the skills to become a killer fashionista.

When you register, you’ll receive instant access to the entire course to enjoy the lessons when it’s convenient for your schedule. Plus, Kelly will send you an email every few days with an overview of the day’s lesson as well as a mini-challenges to help build your confidence and feel successful in your ability to create a great-looking outfit.

Join us today and learn to ADORE Your Wardrobe!

**This post contains affiliate and refer-a-friend links.

Related posts:
Adventures in online clothes shopping {Schoola, Twice & Stitch Fix}
A Stitch Fix review—the wins and the fails after four fixes
How we approach makeup with our girls
7 things I’ve learned about Stitch Fix from the buy/sell/trade group on Facebook



     

Weekend reading: February 13, 2016

From Instagram: Sixteen years ago, Sean and I came to Blue Knob for a day of skiing and I sat down on the first green trail and refused to go any further until he piggybacked me all the way down {dare devil I am not, and it was only my third or fourth time skiing}. This week our girls all tackled a black diamond trail. Clearly they take after their father!

This week our family headed up to Blue Knob in Claysburg, PA for a few days of skiing. The boys and I hung out in our pajamas in the ski house we rented while Sean and the girls skied, and I had a lot of fun preparing all of our meals and just enjoying the break from our regular routine.

Unfortunately, the cold virus that Peyton and Jackson had before we left swept its way through our family while we were there, so we came back sick and exhausted. But it still beats the time we ended up with the stomach flu in a hotel, and we were able to push through it!

What I’m reading: I’m still on the same books that I started in January, but I also started the audiobook version of Mindy Kaling’s Why Not Me?

What I cooked: 10-minute lasagna, dairy-free waffles, paleo “porridge”

What I’m thinking about:

{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}

Using a bullet journal

How I use my Bullet Journal | The Art of Simple


My Bullet Journal: The Discovery, The Method, The Game Changer | Intentional by Grace

Encouragement for hard days

How to Get Out of That Funk | Michael Hyatt


The First Step Toward Seeing The Miraculous in Your Life | Storyline


8 Ways to Reclaim Your Life | No Sidebar


The Power of the Long Walk | 99u

Stirring up a little controversy

How Going on Vacation Might be Better than Going on a Mission. | Jamie the Very Worst Missionary


I Miss Barack Obama | NY Times

Have a great weekend!

P.S. Are you looking for connection and refreshment this spring? Join me at Winsome for a 3-day retreat in the mountains!

Related posts:
Weekend reading: April 25, 2015
Weekend reading: May 23, 2015
Weekend reading: July 11, 2015
Weekend reading: November 7, 2015



     

What a red dye sensitivity means for our family

We’re traveling this week and next, so I’m sharing some of my favorite posts from the archives. This one seemed especially timely with Valentine’s Day, and all of it’s pink and red food, coming up this weekend.

It happens every few months.

As our oldest daughter rages and screams, one of our other girls will lean over and quietly say, “She had red food dye.”

Without fail, we discover that the rages are linked to that insidious dye…and yet, if I’m honest, it continues to catch me off guard.

We first made the connection between Red No. 40 and her emotional outbursts four years ago, when her rages were happening once or twice a week. For a while, we did our best to regulate what she ate without avoiding it completely. And then, one day—after she had eaten a red lollipop and after she had screamed hysterically at us, equally upset by the perceived injustice and her own out-of-control emotions—we explained our theory that red dye was the cause. From that moment, she took ownership of it, working with us to avoid red dye.

Occasionally our hypervigilance wears off. The intensity of the rages fade from our memory, and we begin to doubt whether red dye could really cause such reactions. She asks to try something with red dye (typically a treat from a holiday, birthday party, or special occasion), and we say yes. Inevitably, the results are the same, and we all end up paying for that yes.

Then there was the time the rages started up again, almost every day during school. I initially attributed them to a bad attitude (she’s our most precocious child but our most reluctant schooler), then to tween hormones. As they continued, I began searching for some hidden red dye source.

It wasn’t until I was helping our 4-year-old brush her teeth that I realized I had accidentally bought hot pink toothpaste when they were out of the natural stuff we normally buy. It had been so long since I’d purchased conventional kids’ toothpaste that I had forgotten that it came in such colors. The tiny amount of red dye in her twice-daily toothpaste was enough to send her spinning out of control. Within a few days she was back to her normal self.

These days, she almost completely self-regulates, knowing that the way it makes her feel inside is just not worth that red lollipop. If I’m honest, she’s better at spotting the red dye in unexpected places than I am—quietly reminding me of its presence in rainbow sprinkles and checking the juice carton at a family get-together or the back of the Cheetos that a friend offers her at the park. She’s not afraid to tell a teacher or camp counselor that she can’t have red dye, and she does her best to choose to be happy even when she has to turn down treats.

I know red dye doesn’t affect all children the same, because our other three daughters don’t have any trouble with it. And if you’ve never experienced a red dye rage yourself, you might think I’m exaggerating.

But I’m not, and I’m increasingly frustrated by it.

I’m frustrated that Red No. 40 is found in everything from the candy and flavored yogurts (where you might expect to find it) to baked goods, medicines and salad dressings. It’s even found in some chocolate, cheese products and peanut butter-flavored snacks.

I’m frustrated that I have to read every single label of every single thing we buy just to check for this dye and that we can’t occasionally do a fun treat or enjoy food at a party or get-together without worrying about it’s presence.

I’m frustrated that “we” have bought into the idea that all food should be brightly, artificially colored instead of letting it maintain its natural colors. I mean, really, the chocolate isn’t “chocolate-y” enough on its own, so we need to add red dye?!

I’m frustrated that while manufacturers substitute natural dyes or eliminate the dyes altogether in many products in Europe (where they’re required to add warning labels to products containing food dyes), they have not been eliminated here. It’s possible to do so, but it’s not the most profitable option, so they just don’t.

I know from conversations with other people that we’re not the only family who deals with this. But I don’t have any solutions except to keep avoiding it and keep talking about it in the hopes that the manufacturers will get the message.

{Shared with Peyton’s permission.}

***

Has your family experienced a reaction — rages or hyperactivity — associated with red dye?

**originally published in August 2014

Related posts:
On obedience and the right to an opinion
Why I’m buying my 8-year-old her first bra
The danger of snap judgements
Follow your heart, mama



     
CommentsSome doctors think that having dyes in your system increases ... by JannraYou eliminate all dyes for a week and then give them some water ... by JannraYou can edit your original post by JannraMy son gets chemical cystis. This results in incontinence. He ... by JannraMy son not only has the behaving reactions but gets chemical ... by JannraPlus 5 more...Related StoriesWhat a red dye sensitivity means for our family

The one-pile cleaning method for kids

We’re traveling this week and next, so I’m sharing some of my favorite posts from the archives. This method continues to work wonders for us, and our 8-year-old even makes these piles herself to help everybody get started!

Despite carrying both Sean and my genes, sometimes our girls simply don’t see the mess around them.

It’s a scenario that all parents are familiar with: you ask the kids to clean their room, and then when you’re ready to check it, they insist it is clean even though there are approximately 381 things that still need to be put away.

For our girls, at least, it’s the things around the edges that just don’t grab their attention. If the center of the room is clean, they sincerely consider the room clean.

A few months ago, I discovered a simple method for helping the big girls see what needed to be put away without having to hover over them the entire time they clean.

Introducing the “one-pile”.

It started one night when I went up to check on them before heading to bed myself. I may or may not have been slightly frustrated at the state of their room as I began pulling things out of the corners to the middle of the floor.

The next morning I told them that they could come downstairs as soon as the pile was put away. They were able to complete the task in no time at all — without feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what I was asking them to do — since the pile was clearly defined.

(Note: We do still occasionally have issues with them choosing to shove things in hidden corners and crevices rather than putting them away; that is an entirely different issue, though, and one that has consequences since it’s essentially lying.)

Although I don’t do it every night, the “one-pile” in their room has made a huge difference in getting and keeping their room clean.

Recently, I started doing the same thing in the kitchen. The girls use the kitchen all day for crafts, Legos, school and more, and I often find a variety of papers, craft supplies and toys spread throughout our main living area even after we’ve supposedly cleaned up.

One morning I grabbed everything that hadn’t been put away the night before and piled it on top of the kitchen table for them to take care of before they ate breakfast. And they did.

I try to only do one one-pile per day so that they don’t get overwhelmed, but everybody is happier when we use this method: The girls can clearly see my expectations and what needs to be taken care of, and I don’t feel like I have to micromanage their cleaning process. There’s no arguing about whether it’s done or confusion about what needs to be put away.

And that’s a win!

***

How do you encourage your kids to clean?

**originally published in August 2014

Related posts:
6 Lessons I’ve Learned About Kids in the Kitchen
Why this year’s Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is the best yet! {And how you can win a Kindle Fire HDX!}
We’re giving away a printable pack every day this month! {Pin It to Win It}
Have you printed your 2015 Thanksgiving planner?



     
CommentsThis is an excellent way to keep kids from getting overwhelmed! ... by Autumn LeopoldYup! Works for me too! I think when it is all spread out, my ... by Joyce (and Norm)That's great! I bet it would work for me too–make a big pile ... by DianaI use the “one-pile” method as well. And I love it. I'm ... by LaDonna HarrisI think it works for big people too–I know if I move a pile ... by MegPlus 5 more...Related StoriesThe one-pile cleaning method for kids

6 lessons I’ve learned about kids in the kitchen

We’re traveling this week and next, so I’m sharing some of my favorite posts from the archives. Since I talked a little bit about our new “assigned meal prep days” in Monday’s post, this seemed like an appropriate follow-up!

Our girls are constantly asking to help in the kitchen, and—if I’m honest—I still cringe a little bit every time they do, even though I’m making it a priority to include them.

For me, cooking can be stressful because it doesn’t come naturally or easily to me, and as an introvert, I tend to use my time in the kitchen to think…something that’s just not possible with little ones underfoot.

But I’ve been on a quest for the past year to include them more often, and the one-at-a-time rule has made a huge difference; I no longer feel pressured to include everybody (which quickly results in me feeling overwhelmed and — ahem — snappy), and instead use that as special one-on-one time with whoever happens to be my helper at the moment.

This summer we’ve been especially focused on kitchen skills, and I have a feeling we’ll always look back at it as a milestone year as they begin preparing more and more meals with little to no assistance. In fact, our oldest daughters are actually a huge help to me in the kitchen now, whether it’s making a simple meal, chopping veggies or simply helping me serve. While it takes an investment of time in the beginning, the benefits have far outweighed the work with these two. That inspires me to keep teaching them because—let’s face it—we could all use a sous chef!

Here are 6 lessons I’ve learned so far about making our time in the kitchen peaceful and effective for everybody:

Know Their Personalities

My two oldest girls have wildly different personalities, and while some of the differences in the kitchen can be attributed to their age difference (which is only about 17 months), most of it has to do with their personalities.

Our oldest will take any recipe she’s given and tackle it with confidence, sure that she can do it without any help. That means I have to make sure she actually does know what she’s doing before we get too far into the recipe. On the other hand, it also means she can be turned loose in the kitchen more often and she’s really the more independent of the two of them.

Our second, on the other hand, prefers detailed directions as she’s learning, and she needs someone in the kitchen with her just for moral support. However, she is much more focused, and I find it easier to have her help me with dinner prep, even when I’m frazzled, because she focuses on the job at hand without bouncing all over the kitchen or talking about a million different things at once.

Knowing this about each of them helps me plan our kitchen time together so that it’s peaceful and effective for all of us!

Mistakes Happen

Kitchen mistakes are messy and often costly, but that makes it even more important to expect mistakes when you invite your kids into the kitchen. You’ll be less frustrated if you expect the mistakes and messes and pleasantly surprised when they don’t happen!

While some mistakes result from carelessness—dropping eggs on the floor, spilling a liquid measuring cup, etc.—many of them are just part of the learning curve.

For example, while making pancakes for the first time, our 7-year-old accidentally doubled the amount of milk in the recipe, resulting in very runny batter. The “2 cup” measurement confused her, and even though we were using a liquid measuring cup that held 2 cups of milk, she thought she needed to do it twice. An understandable mistake, and—luckily—one that I was able to easily fix by quickly doubling the rest of the recipe as well.

Not Everything Is As Obvious As It Seems

While our girls are increasingly capable in the kitchen, there are many cooking nuances that they just don’t have the life or kitchen experience to recognize yet. Like the measuring issue above, I’m realizing that not everything is as obvious to them as it seems to me, and I try to anticipate the questions or misunderstandings that might crop up before they actually do.

But the other part of that is being patient with them as they figure out when to flip pancakes, the best way to slice an apple and why we do things in the order we do them!

Cook Every Recipe Together the First Time

For that reason, and knowing that even recipes intended for kids can trip them up when they include a new ingredient or skill, we always cook recipes together the first time through. Sometimes that just means I cook something else or wash dishes while they work on their recipe, but the key is being readily available to oversee what they’re doing and answer questions so that they’re not left to try to figure it out by themselves!

We Can All Use a Little Encouragement

The other day our oldest daughter made eggs in a nest for everybody for the first time. Our home was a chaotic mess at the time, as my husband tried to get out the door for an appointment and the dog successfully stole one of the finished eggs off a plate, and everybody was running around a bit frazzled. In the midst of all of that, she was able to keep her focus on what she was cooking and serve a delicious, healthy breakfast. Afterward, I took her aside and told her how delicious the eggs were and how proud I was of her focus while things were going crazy, and her whole face lit up. I think it’s safe to say that that encouragement is something she’ll carry with her for a long time.

Similarly, the girls have developed a fun tradition where they say “thank you” all at once to whomever prepared each meal, and it’s as fun to hear them call out, “Thank you, Peyton!” or “Thank you, Dylan!” as it is when they direct their thanks to me!

It’s Still Okay to Say No

Finally, there are still times when I need the kitchen to myself—for speed or sanity or so I can get creative or think while I cook—and I really do think it’s okay to say no sometimes when they ask to help. That’s a lot easier when I’ve said yes recently, but life is full of seasons, and there will be weeks when they can cook many things and weeks where they only get to help once or twice, and that’s okay!

Involving them in the kitchen has also taught me a lot about myself as a parent, and it’s been good for our individual relationships with the girls as well. And I’ll admit I’m looking forward to the day when they can cook—and clean up the kitchen afterward—without any help from me. What a treat that will be!

***

What’s the hardest part about having kids in the kitchen for you? Have any of your kids graduated to sous-chef status?

**originally published in July 2013

Related posts:
The one-pile cleaning method for kids
What a red dye sensitivity means for our family
On making plans, embracing surprises and having SIX kids
A quick update on Jackson…



     
CommentsMy 4-year-old is a pretty decent sous chef. I love to have him ... by Jennifer 

6 Lessons I’ve Learned About Kids in the Kitchen

We’re traveling this week and next, so I’m sharing some of my favorite posts from the archives. Since I talked a little bit about our new “assigned meal prep days” in Monday’s post, this seemed like an appropriate follow-up!

Our girls are constantly asking to help in the kitchen, and—if I’m honest—I still cringe a little bit every time they do, even though I’m making it a priority to include them.

For me, cooking can be stressful because it doesn’t come naturally or easily to me, and as an introvert, I tend to use my time in the kitchen to think…something that’s just not possible with little ones underfoot.

But I’ve been on a quest for the past year to include them more often, and the one-at-a-time rule has made a huge difference; I no longer feel pressured to include everybody (which quickly results in me feeling overwhelmed and — ahem — snappy), and instead use that as special one-on-one time with whoever happens to be my helper at the moment.

This summer we’ve been especially focused on kitchen skills, and I have a feeling we’ll always look back at it as a milestone year as they begin preparing more and more meals with little to no assistance. In fact, our oldest daughters are actually a huge help to me in the kitchen now, whether it’s making a simple meal, chopping veggies or simply helping me serve. While it takes an investment of time in the beginning, the benefits have far outweighed the work with these two. That inspires me to keep teaching them because—let’s face it—we could all use a sous chef!

Here are 6 lessons I’ve learned so far about making our time in the kitchen peaceful and effective for everybody:

Know Their Personalities

My two oldest girls have wildly different personalities, and while some of the differences in the kitchen can be attributed to their age difference (which is only about 17 months), most of it has to do with their personalities.

Our oldest will take any recipe she’s given and tackle it with confidence, sure that she can do it without any help. That means I have to make sure she actually does know what she’s doing before we get too far into the recipe. On the other hand, it also means she can be turned loose in the kitchen more often and she’s really the more independent of the two of them.

Our second, on the other hand, prefers detailed directions as she’s learning, and she needs someone in the kitchen with her just for moral support. However, she is much more focused, and I find it easier to have her help me with dinner prep, even when I’m frazzled, because she focuses on the job at hand without bouncing all over the kitchen or talking about a million different things at once.

Knowing this about each of them helps me plan our kitchen time together so that it’s peaceful and effective for all of us!

Mistakes Happen

Kitchen mistakes are messy and often costly, but that makes it even more important to expect mistakes when you invite your kids into the kitchen. You’ll be less frustrated if you expect the mistakes and messes and pleasantly surprised when they don’t happen!

While some mistakes result from carelessness—dropping eggs on the floor, spilling a liquid measuring cup, etc.—many of them are just part of the learning curve.

For example, while making pancakes for the first time, our 7-year-old accidentally doubled the amount of milk in the recipe, resulting in very runny batter. The “2 cup” measurement confused her, and even though we were using a liquid measuring cup that held 2 cups of milk, she thought she needed to do it twice. An understandable mistake, and—luckily—one that I was able to easily fix by quickly doubling the rest of the recipe as well.

Not Everything Is As Obvious As It Seems

While our girls are increasingly capable in the kitchen, there are many cooking nuances that they just don’t have the life or kitchen experience to recognize yet. Like the measuring issue above, I’m realizing that not everything is as obvious to them as it seems to me, and I try to anticipate the questions or misunderstandings that might crop up before they actually do.

But the other part of that is being patient with them as they figure out when to flip pancakes, the best way to slice an apple and why we do things in the order we do them!

Cook Every Recipe Together the First Time

For that reason, and knowing that even recipes intended for kids can trip them up when they include a new ingredient or skill, we always cook recipes together the first time through. Sometimes that just means I cook something else or wash dishes while they work on their recipe, but the key is being readily available to oversee what they’re doing and answer questions so that they’re not left to try to figure it out by themselves!

We Can All Use a Little Encouragement

The other day our oldest daughter made eggs in a nest for everybody for the first time. Our home was a chaotic mess at the time, as my husband tried to get out the door for an appointment and the dog successfully stole one of the finished eggs off a plate, and everybody was running around a bit frazzled. In the midst of all of that, she was able to keep her focus on what she was cooking and serve a delicious, healthy breakfast. Afterward, I took her aside and told her how delicious the eggs were and how proud I was of her focus while things were going crazy, and her whole face lit up. I think it’s safe to say that that encouragement is something she’ll carry with her for a long time.

Similarly, the girls have developed a fun tradition where they say “thank you” all at once to whomever prepared each meal, and it’s as fun to hear them call out, “Thank you, Peyton!” or “Thank you, Dylan!” as it is when they direct their thanks to me!

It’s Still Okay to Say No

Finally, there are still times when I need the kitchen to myself—for speed or sanity or so I can get creative or think while I cook—and I really do think it’s okay to say no sometimes when they ask to help. That’s a lot easier when I’ve said yes recently, but life is full of seasons, and there will be weeks when they can cook many things and weeks where they only get to help once or twice, and that’s okay!

Involving them in the kitchen has also taught me a lot about myself as a parent, and it’s been good for our individual relationships with the girls as well. And I’ll admit I’m looking forward to the day when they can cook—and clean up the kitchen afterward—without any help from me. What a treat that will be!

***

What’s the hardest part about having kids in the kitchen for you? Have any of your kids graduated to sous-chef status?

**originally published in July 2013

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