Mandi Ehman's Blog, page 6

When you need to do it MORE not LESS

This weekend we went out to eat after our family photo session, and within a couple of hours, Sean was hit hard with food poisoning. The next day he stayed home from church to rest and recover from an almost sleepless night while the kids and I went to church and grocery shopping. Taking six kids to Aldi and Walmart on a Sunday isn’t exactly my idea of a good time, but we survived!

Whenever we travel with our kids—whether down the east coast to visit my parents in Florida, to the local ski hill for the day, or just across town to a restaurant—we get comments about how brave we are to take them all out. And even more so when one of us has all of them solo. But we’ve always loved eating out and going on adventures, and having kids hasn’t changed that for us, so not doing these things isn’t an option we’ve considered.

While there have been seasons when we’ve hunkered down at home (like the stage where our third daughter would regularly have silent meltdowns and refuse to take another step, often in inconvenient places like the middle of the street when my arms were full), we tend to follow a simple principle:

If something is hard to do with our kids, it doesn’t mean we need to do it less; it means we need to do it more.

Whether it’s grocery shopping, eating out, hiking a mountain, or traveling, we’ve seen this principle at play time and time again.

While our natural inclination is to avoid those hard situations, the more we do them, the better we’re able to anticipate and respond to the trouble spots, the better they understand our expectations for their behavior (and the consequences for not following the rules), and the better everyone behaves.

For example, there was a season when I avoided taking everyone into the store with me at pretty much all costs. When we did end up going in all together, the kids were out of control—weaving in and out of racks, touching everything, wandering off. I resolved then and there that we would go in as a family more often and before we went in each time, I simply reminded them of our expectations while reminding myself that it was a training exercise.

Once it became routine for us, it also became easier. Which is not to say that they’re now perfect angels or I never have to remind them of the rules. We’re a spicy family, which means my kids have a lot of energy and can easily get loud in their exuberance for life. But they’re still expected to be conscientious and respectful of the people around them, which they learn to do through practice.

I am pretty sure this rule applies to every area of parenting (or, let’s face it, life), and whenever I find myself frustrated at our kids’ behavior or tempted to avoid a specific situation, I remind myself that practice makes perfect and commit to doing the activity in question more and not less!

Related posts:
The danger of snap judgements
Follow your heart, mama
The importance of teaching over-the-counter medicine safety
When you blink and they grow up right before your eyes



     

The secret to homeschool contentment

We’ve all been there: You’re steadily moving along through your homeschool curriculum, happy and content with the progress you’re making, when something catches your attention and makes you question everything you’re doing.

Are you doing enough?
Will your kids succeed?
Should they be involved in more sports?
Do they need special tutoring?
Are they behind?
Are they missing out?

Sometimes these questions are good, and our family went through a fairly big school transition earlier this year after I took the time to clarify my vision, goals, and priorities for our homeschool.

But more often, these questions are a distraction and a discouragement that come not from a place of discovery and intentional evaluation but from comparing ourselves to others.

Comparison is almost never helpful. It usually involves us comparing the lowlights of our own experiences with the highlights of someone else’s. And for homeschooling moms it often results in knee jerk reactions—changing curriculum, turning into a drill sergeant during school time, or losing our excitement and joy in the face of fear.

We wake up in sweats because our kids aren’t learning enough, wondering how we can fit everything that everyone else is doing into our already packed daily schedule.

But here’s a secret: You can’t. There’s no possible way to do all of the good things out there. There’s not even any way to do all of the great things. Instead, you must….

1. Define your vision, goals and priorities and make your decisions based on those. What really matters most to you? Is it living books? Hands-on experiences? Time in nature? Time for play? Rigorous academics? A study of the classics? Memorization? The arts? Sarah Mackenzie’s rule of six masterclass is a great way to get really clear on what matters most to YOU.

2. Stop comparing your homeschool or children to other people. Once you’ve defined your vision and priorities, own them! Focus on making choices that support your goals for your children and avoid comparing those choices with the choices of other families.

If you’re able to read about other homeschoolers without doubting yourself, then by all means keep reading homeschool blogs and books and forums. But if you’re not, put down the books and avoid the blogs and forums until you can confidently stand in the decisions you’ve made as the best for your family at this point in time.

Look, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be aware of standards and norms and use them as measures to make sure we’re doing well by our children. I’m not even saying we should stop learning from one another.

But if you can’t read a post about someone else’s curriculum without immediately feeling the need to discard or double down on your own, then the cost is too high.

Your doubts hurt your children more than missing out on the 100 must-read classics ever will. Switching curricula or changing your approach to homeschooling every few months keeps you from settling into your groove and building momentum along the way. Yes, we should be learning and evolving as homeschoolers. But growing and improving mean following the path to the next point, not repeatedly jumping from one path to the next without ever making forward progress.

The real secret to homeschool contentment isn’t in the specific choices you make for your homeschool; it’s simply found in avoiding the comparison trap!

Related posts:
What is a classical Christian education?
What’s your rule of six {or seven}?
The book that makes it possible to Give Your Child the World
How Leadership Education is changing our homeschool



     

Weekend reading: September 3, 2016

From Instagram: This cracks me up. He’s sick and won’t let me lay him down, but he also won’t cuddle, sleep on my chest or let me lay down *with* him. He wants to lay on top of me *just so*. 

Whew…summer colds are no joke, y’all! We had a virus a few weeks ago that knocked us all flat with a strange array of symptoms—dizziness, fever, stomach/chest pain, etc. We even ended up at the doctor to rule out meningitis after our 11yo kept getting fevers with migraine-level headaches and throwing up (she got better 6 hours after the visit to the pediatrician, of course!).

While the babies handled that initial virus fairly well, they both ended up with a cold again this week that left them congested and miserable. I’m stocking up on vitamin D and elderberry syrup now!

This baby is funny because his preferences change every couple of weeks (just about the time I figure them out). He’s been a paci baby, a thumbsucker, a tummy sleeper, a back sleeper and everything in between. These days he wants to lay sprawled out but still touching me, but he doesn’t want to be tucked or cuddled. Okay, got it…for now.

What I’m reading: Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow and Africa: A Biography of the Continent by John Reader (both of these are extremely fascinating…and long, so I have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get through them!)

What I’m thinking about:

{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}

Finding motivation

2 things I know about you. | Jon Acuff


Self starters, needed | Seth’s Blog


A Guide to Overcoming Procrastination & Finding Focus | Zen Habits

Easy meals for busy weeks

Easy Pizza Sliders | Andrea Dekker


Make Ahead Breakfast Ideas to Make Back-to-School Mornings Easier | Heavenly Homemakers


1 Rotisserie Chicken = 5 Healthy Family Meals | Working at Homeschool

The hard conversations we need to have

The Conversation We Have to Have with Our Kids | Carrots for Michaelmas


5 Things We Talk to Our Boys About Before School Starts | One Little Momma


3 Steps to a Porn-Free Home | To Love Honor and Vacuum

Have a great weekend!

Related posts:
Weekend reading: September 26, 2015
Weekend reading: January 2, 2016
Weekend reading: January 30, 2016
Weekend reading: May 21, 2016



     

Ushering in the 2016-2017 school year

Even though we school year round, last week marked the beginning of our new school year. Instead of having a “first day of school” filled with all of our fun traditions, as we have in the past, we spread it out throughout the week. That meant a movie on Monday (Pete’s Dragon—so good!), donuts for breakfast instead of our traditional pancakes (it wasn’t the same and I don’t think I’ll do that again!), and school pictures and ice cream for dinner on Friday, which also happened to be our first day of Essentials with Classical Conversations.

Yesterday on our way to church (promotion Sunday, when all the kids move up to the next grade), my husband looked at me and said, “Is Peyton really in 6th grade?!” It does seem so weird to be the parents of a 6th grader, and it’s a good reminder that time is speeding up and we’re going to be preparing for her senior year sooner than we can imagine!

Although most of our curriculum this year is built around a leadership education type model where we all work together for an extended morning time, there are a few areas where their curriculum varies by student. We’re still not scheduling out this work; we simply do the next thing each time we sit down for school!

6th grade:

Teaching Textbooks 6-7
Classical Conversations Essentials
Apologia Chemistry
Soccer & Gymnastics
Youth Group
Violin (We’re searching for a new violin teacher since hers left for college!)

5th grade:

Teaching Textbooks 6-7
Classical Conversations Essentials
Apologia Land Animals
Soccer & Gymnastics
Youth Group
Piano

3rd grade:

Singapore 2B-3A
Explode the Code
Apologia Land Animals
Soccer & Gymnastics

1st grade:

Singapore 1
Explode the Code / Reading Eggs
Soccer & Gymnastics
Piano

Pre-preK (3 years old):

Leap Frog Letter Factory
{Lots of} Read Alouds
General Mess Making

I love the start of a new school year and the routine that fall brings to our life (without as much travel or spontaneity). Now if we could just get some fall weather to make it feel like fall!

Related posts:
The hardest part of my homeschool year
Homeschool language arts options {and what we’re doing…for now}
The most important part of any language arts curriculum
The art of juggling for work-at-homeschooling moms



     

The best laid plans of a planner

Despite my approach to homeschooling, I am a planner by nature.

I like to make plans, set goals, create to-do lists, and—most importantly—execute those plans. And I love to learn tips and secrets for being more productive.

But this year has been a lesson in letting go of my plans instead.

It all started in early 2015 with a surprise pregnancy that pretty much kicked my tail at every stage. I had morning sickness, exhaustion, extremely low blood pressure, spotting and bleeding, varicose veins, nerve pain, swollen feet, and more. I thought pregnancy was the hard part, but our surprise #6 came out wanting to be held all day every day, and 10 months later pretty much nothing has changed.

All along the way I’ve had to let go of my plans.

In the spring, I traveled quite a bit to be with family during some hard situations. And I let go of plans.

Each week I make a list of to-dos and goals…and each week I let go of my plans.

It’s hard enough to get things done while toting a 21-pound baby around, but it’s even harder when he wants all of your attention as well.

I truly can’t image parenting him without the help of my big girls. But I’m also realizing that this is less about him than it is about me. I am task-oriented to the core, and that’s made me a pretty productive person.

But it also means that learning to just be is a steep learning curve.

It doesn’t matter how much I want to start my day with folding laundry and reading my Bible and knocking out work projects, there are many mornings when my only option is to sit and cuddle the baby who wants to be awake but not quite that awake.

It doesn’t matter that my picture of a perfect school day includes hours of reading while the girls color peacefully in the foreground; the toddler and the baby want to play.

And it doesn’t matter that I intended to read 100 books this year; between travel, work, and the baby’s demands for my attention, I’ll be lucky to even crack 50.

I’ve set writing goals and started working on new products for the Life Your Way shop. I’ve bought domain names and outlined business plans. And I’ve had to let go of all of them for now because my best laid plans simply aren’t meant to be.

So instead I wake up each day holding my plans loosely in the palm of my hands. I pray that I will be patient and loving and kind even when everything goes wrong…and several hours in I end up praying for a fresh start so I can try again.

I’m learning that while plans and goals and to-do lists are good, people come first. And I’m learning to find my identity in who I am and not what I do.

I’m not done making plans, and I’m not giving up hope that I will get my mornings and extra hours back sometime (and hopefully sometime soon!), but in the meantime, I’m accepting that my best laid plans aren’t always meant to be…and I’m learning to be okay with that too!

Related posts:
The laid back guide to embracing a new year
Capturing the hearts of my girls in 2016
The gift of perspective
The art of juggling for work-at-homeschooling moms



     

Weekend reading: August 6, 2016

From Instagram:Getting things done while he’s distracted by washi tape!

Ha! If you saw this post early Saturday morning, you might have noticed that I completely forgot to write this intro. I was wondering why it was so easy to put together!

I am a bit in denial that summer is almost over. How can it be August already, with just 3 weeks until the start of our new homeschool year?! For the next two weeks, we’ll be taking it easy with soccer practice, play dates, visits with the grandparents, and nonstop Olympics at home!

What I’m reading: Africa: A Biography of a Continent by John Reader and The Cruelest Month: A Chief Inspector Gamache Novel by Louise Penny

What I’m thinking about:

{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}

On the paradigm of rest and productivity

The Truth Behind Unlimited Vacation Time | Spin Sucks


How Much Sleep Do You Really Need To Work As Productively As Possible? | Lifehacker


Why you need to stop short-changing your sleep | Money Saving Mom

On respecting our limits

Why You Must Learn to Disappoint People | Storyline


Just because you’re right… | Seth’s Blog


On how maybe you never really have it all together – and that’s OK | Simple Homeschool

On the lessons we teach our kids

The Most Important Part of Teaching Kids to Read | Amongst Lovely Things


Test results: What really matters most | Simple Homeschool


Rehearse Desired Behavior | cuppacocoa

Have a great weekend!

P.S. Have you read this post from a pediatrician on protecting your kids from sexual abuse? It’s an important one.

Related posts:
Weekend reading: August 22, 2015
Weekend reading: October 24, 2015
Weekend reading: November 14, 2015
Weekend reading: December 12, 2015



     

When friendship takes a backseat

I am a terrible friend.

I don’t say that for pity or reassurances but out of an honest acknowledgement that I’m just really terrible at friendship.

The truth is that I’m not a very good friend in general. I don’t do a good job of maintaining friendships across the years or miles, and I never really have.

But add in working full time, homeschooling, and living in the boonies, and I’m not even a very good friend to the people in my community that I see on a semi-regular basis.

It’s not because of lack of desire. There are women in my life who I’d love to be close to. Women I connect with and enjoy talking to. Families who share a lot in common with our own family.

But in a season where I barely have any free time, I struggle even more. I’m terrible at returning calls and text messages. I can’t attend social events or spontaneous playdates. And sometimes even when I have a free moment, what I really want is to just crawl into bed with a book.

As an introvert, scheduling this time to be by myself is super important. Without it, I can’t make it through a morning of homeschooling while juggling babies or an afternoon of meetings (while still juggling babies). And because I want to spend time with my husband and children as well, making time for friendship actually takes me away from my people in a very real way.

We’re also trying to prioritize our relationships with our extended family—our parents and siblings and beyond—which means some of our free time is already spoken for as well.

My best friend, who lives several states away, is patient when I disappear from our daily chats and flexible about where we continue those conversations (whether on Skype or Facebook or Snapchat or text), and I prioritize those chats even when my natural instinct is to hide from everyone. But I just can’t seem to make time for other friendships, and I hate that that probably makes people feel like I just don’t want to.

I’ve struggled with loneliness and feeling like I don’t have any friends in the past, and I’m afraid that by the time my kids are a little older or life slows down a bit (ha!), the people in my life will be tired of my nos and I’ll find myself very lonely once again.

But in this season of babies and homeschooling and working and living so far out of town, I’m just not sure how to make a change.

There’s no life lesson here, no takeaway to help you, just an honest assessment that this is one of the hardest parts of working at home and homeschooling. I don’t like it, and it makes me sad. But for now I’m choosing to give my family the time I do have and looking forward to a season that leaves more time for getting together with local friends in the not-too-distant future!

Related posts:
The stories that aren’t mine to share



     

Why this type-A mom doesn’t plan her homeschool year

When I first started homeschooling, I was as excited about the planning as I was the actual schooling. I was the kid who loved school (and who would happily be a career student now if only it would pay the bills), especially worksheets and workbooks, and planning is pretty much all of the best parts of school without any pop quizzes!

In those early years, I viewed planning as a basic job requirement. Setting aside hours to plan at the beginning of the school year and another hour or two each week is simply what you do, right?

I thought so, and despite the time commitment, I rocked it.

The only problem? It turns out that I’m terrible at execution. I don’t like being put in a box. I don’t always want to stop at one chapter read or read just a little bit from 12 different books. And I don’t want to be told what to do (even when it’s my own plan doing the telling!).

I want the flexibility to skip math on some days and double up on others. I like being able to change course on a whim. And I need to be able to declare “snow days” any time during the year when I’m snowed under with work.

It turns out that most plans don’t allow for the kind of flexibility I’m looking for, and I end up discouraged and behind pretty much out of the gate.

A couple of years ago, I stopped planning altogether. I choose our curriculum at the beginning of the year, and we just…do it. No planning out how much we’ll do every day. No scheduling units or lessons. No planning for extra projects or enrichment activities like Barbie mummies or veggie skeletons.

The only planning I do is adding to our book collection and selecting titles from our home library that fit with our current studies.

How exactly does that work? Something like this:

Choose a subject area to study.


Consult booklists & Amazon and buy as many books as we can afford.


Select our curriculum in other subject areas.


Start every day with two simple goals: Do the next thing on our list. Follow the rabbit trails.

1. Choose a subject area to study.
(Currently: Africa)

As I’ve shared, our family decided to study Africa this summer. All of our history, geography, social studies, and science is based around the African continent. I haven’t set an end date, although we are breaking for the Olympics next week.

Because Africa is a huge, diverse continent, we are picking one country to study at a time—first Kenya (where I could have parked for even longer than we did!) and now South Africa. We’ll keep going until we run out of books or, more likely, lose our enthusiasm, and then we’ll choose a new topic area!

2. Consult booklists & Amazon and buy as many books as we can afford.
(My handbook for this study: Give Your Child the World)

Once we decided on the part of the world we wanted to explore, I got a ton of books recommended in Jamie C. Martin’s Give Your Child the World and added a few more from our own collection. Then I filled our downstairs shelves with them so that they’re easy to grab during school time or just when the kids are looking for something to read.

3. Select our curriculum in other subject areas.
(Notably: math, language arts, Latin)

Although I lean heavily toward an unschooling approach in these early years, we do still use a set curriculum for math, language arts, and Latin. But I still don’t plan them. Instead…

4a. Do the next thing.

Rather than planning out what we’ll get done when, we simply do the next thing. We pick a new book from the shelf. We turn to the next lesson in the math book. We read the next chapter.

I never feel “behind” because we’re always making forward progress, and there’s no arbitrary scheduling telling me that I should be further along. We can take breaks when life gets busy or when one of my kids is struggling in a subject area, and then we come back to it a few weeks later.

4b. Follow the rabbit trails.

And finally, not planning allows us to follow rabbit trails as they pop up. We can use a study of Nelson Mandela to talk about our own government and election process. We can compare the painted houses of South Africa with different houses around the world. We can write our own stories about talking animals after reading Doctor Doolittle. When we’re done following the rabbit trail we circle back around and do the next thing on the list.

***

And that’s it! I don’t worry about getting all of the books read. I don’t calculate how many days are left in the school year and whether we’ll complete the curriculum by then. I don’t stress out when everybody is out of sorts and we need to go spend some time in nature instead. I should probably do better about writing down what we do accomplish, but I’m not even very good at that.

P.S. Are you a work-at-homeschooling mom? Be sure to download this free ebook today and bust through the myths that make life harder than it needs to be!

Related posts:
What is a classical Christian education?
Discovering the joy of morning time
Why we don’t stress the sciences in elementary school {even though we think they’re important}
Getting back into the school routine after the holidays and a new baby



     
CommentsLOL! I'm glad to hear from someone who's further along that ... by Mandi @ Life Your WayIt's like you know me. LOL!! I am beginning my 20th year as a ... by Dawn 

Weekend reading: July 30, 2016

From Instagram: Happy snuggles.

This week, at just shy of 9 months old, Lucas finally figured out how to “crawl” forward. Technically it’s more of a butt scoot with his leg tucked up under him, but either way, he’s moving! We’re hoping his newfound freedom will help him to be a little less clingy, but it’s also just really fun to watch him go.

The past month or so has also taken his relationship with Jackson to a new level. They’re almost the same size despite the two-year age difference, and it’s adorable to see them interacting and to see how much they love each other. Jackson probably says a dozen times a day, “Aww! He’s so cute!” and Lucas’ eyes light up every time he sees his brother. I’m so glad that God saw fit to bless us with a second baby boy even though we were D-O-N-E after the first!

What I’m reading: {STILL} The Elephant Keeper by Christopher Nicholson and For the Children’s Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

What I’m thinking about:

{Follow my personal Facebook feed for the things I’m thinking about and talking about all week!}

On owning your story

Love the life you actually HAVE instead of wishing for the life she has | Money Saving Mom


When Perspective Keeps You From Telling Your Story | No Sidebar


Mental Badassery: Becoming Aware of the Stories We Tell Ourselves | Zen Habits

Note the good

The Saints skipped conditioning to help build a park for West Virginia flood victims | Fox Sports


Michael Jordan: “I can no longer stay silent” | The Undefeated


Female chief in Malawi breaks up 850 child marriages and sends girls back to school | Inhabitots

Seasonal goodness

Berry Overnight Breakfast Casserole – 5 Ingredients | Chocolate Covered Katie


Easy Low-Carb Cucumbers Caesar | Kalyn’s Kitchen


How to Make Mango Sweet (or Unsweet) Tea | Heavenly Homemakers

Have a great weekend!

Related posts:
Weekend reading: August 29, 2015
Weekend reading: October 31, 2015
Weekend reading: December 5, 2015
Weekend reading: June 4, 2016



     

Baked oatmeal any way you want it

Because of our kids’ dairy intolerances (which, thankfully, they all seem to eventually outgrow), we’ve had at least one person in our family on a dairy-free diet for pretty much the past 12 years. Finding dairy-free recipes online has gotten so much easier with the popularity of the paleo diet, and I’m pretty good at making substitutions myself these days, but one of my favorite sources for recipes that avoid all of the top allergens is my friend Kelly at The Pretty Bee.

Kelly’s Healthy Make-Ahead Breakfast ebook was in this spring’s Ultimate Homemaking Bundle, and I’ve used it faithfully ever since. But our favorite recipe? Her raspberry baked oatmeal.

We’ve made some adjustments to it based on the ingredients we regularly have on hand, but it’s still one we make at least 1-2 times every week. And if I happen to double the recipe, I’ll happily eat it for breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner until it’s gone.

Ingredients

1/2 cup extra light olive oil
1/3 cup coconut sugar, plus extra for sprinkling on top
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 cups old-fashioned oats
1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut (bonus points for toasted coconut!)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 cups fresh or frozen fruit*

*We’ve used blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, mixed berries and peaches—it’s delicious with any of them!

Directions.

1. Combine oil, sugar, vanilla extract and eggs in a large bowl and stir well.

2. In a separate bowl, mix oats, coconut, baking powder and salt.

3. Combine the wet and dry ingredients. Fold in the fruit.

4. Transfer the mixture to a 9″ x 9″ (ish) dish. Sprinkle with extra coconut sugar.

5. Cover dish and refrigerate until morning.*

6. In the morning, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake uncovered for 45 minutes.

7. Serve with coconut, fruit or scoops of thick coconut milk (from a can).

*I will often have the girls make this the night before, but I’m just as likely to throw it together in the morning and bake it immediately because it’s so fast!

Related posts:
A tasty, not-too-sweet, dairy-free sweet potato casserole
Easy Hillshire Farm® Naturals waffle pockets