Catherine Mattice's Blog, page 22

The Power of an Email

A few weeks ago, I received a message from someone I had never met. Her email (about a rather mundane request) was filled with enthusiasm and encouragement. 

The introductory “Good morning Sabrina!!” set the tone for a positive message. And the sign-off was no different, reading:

 

Happy that I can bring some sunshine into your day!

Be brilliant!

Warmly with Gratitude and Grace,

~ Name

 

The email gave me all the information I was seeking, in a way that left me feeling considered, encouraged, and ~ultimately~ happier.

That same day, I received a different email that:

Provided no greetingAnswered my questions in a short, vague mannerRequired us both to spend additional time exchanging emails to clarify the vague answers

I felt like I was interacting with a stranger that just wanted to get the interaction over with. Now, I’m sure that person had a million other things happening and no ill intentions. But, intention and perception are two very different things.

While our in-person interactions are important, our virtual interactions can be just as impactful.

So let’s break it down and consider easy adjustments that will help your everyday emails create positive interactions:

 

GREETING

Your greeting sets the tone for the rest of the email. Addressing your recipient by name automatically makes the email feel more personal. Following it with a simple greeting of well wishes will help portray positive intent. For example:

Good morning Sabrina,

I hope you’re doing well! Are you available for a meeting next week?

On the other hand, “Hi. Can we meet next week?” feels rushed, with a tone left open for interpretation. 

However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring a little DISC into this conversation, as we all have our own preferences for communication. (DISC is an assessment that helps you understand your own communication preferences and that of your team members.)

If you’re high in Influencer preferences, you might prefer the first email. If you’re high in Dominant preferences, you probably prefer the second and are thinking, “What’s wrong with it?”

I hear you, and, I also suggest that erring on the side of caution when sending emails means being more personable and connectable rather than less. Particularly in a world focused on inclusivity, I suggest that my first example would lend itself to that goal. 

 

CONTENT

The body of the email should be concise, yet informative. And it should address all questions, even if you don’t have the answer. 

If warranted, a simple, “I’ll get back to you on this by the end of the day tomorrow” lets them know that their question wasn’t ignored or missed.

Additionally, don’t be afraid to show some personality! As we continue deeper down the path of electronic communication, we have also continued down the path of informality. I’m not saying you should use emojis every chance you get, but use your best judgment to include expressive elements when appropriate. 

 

SIGNOFF

How you close the message is just as important as how you lead into it. Think of something funny, warm, kind…anything that will reinforce your positive tone.

Making these adjustments will ensure that:

Your recipient feels personally addressedYour recipient feels heard and acknowledgedYour recipient feels considered and cared about

These are elements that are significant to our everyday interactions…so why wouldn’t we make them part of our virtual ones, as well?

Go off, be free, make someone smile (via email!), and always be kind.

 

Warmly,

Sabrina and the Civility Partners Team

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Embrace Each Person’s Story. Be Truly Diverse and Inclusive

Based on our episode “ Embrace Each Person’s Story. Be Truly Diverse and Inclusive” with Amazin LeThi

When it comes to diversity, equity, and inclusion, think of your own journey but also think of the power of storytelling. When you hear someone else’s story for the first time, you will truly know what it’s like to live in that person’s shoes. 

When you embrace a person’s story, you know you can’t only feel compassion, but then you truly understand how to make your workplace or your community diverse and inclusive. Especially if you’re a business leader, you will know what kind of policies you need in place so everyone’s at the table and everyone feels included.

 

Creating space and safety for people to feel comfortable to share their stories

Some people aren’t coming forward when the organization is trying to create a safe space where people can share their stories. It should start with leadership sharing their own, being vulnerable and open. It starts to create a safe and nurturing environment where you feel that it’s safe to share your story as well.

Business leaders now understand, particularly through the pandemic, that we have to look after the mental health of their staff. One of those ways is through their wellbeing, social activities, and sports. We understand that in terms of LGBTQ+, multinational and diverse people feeling comfortable being themselves and bringing their whole self to work, one of those ways is through the power of social activities within the business environment.

 

Allyship and action

Do you know what it feels like to enter a workplace where people have said something to you and no one stood up? It sucks.

We all must be an ally in action. It should become woven into a thread and become part of the fabric of who we are as people. So many people say they’re an ally, but there’s a difference between wearing the pin and then being an advocate and raising your voice and championing a person when they’re not in the room. So much of what happens is when that person isn’t in the room and how you stand up in that moment and call it out. But also make it a learning experience for that other person, and they’re just very small things.

When you’re thinking of these policies in your workplace, think of who is in your workplace that could be at the table to help you shape and mold these policies. Bring the community with you as part of the change and as part of understanding what kind of policies should be in place to affect their community and how you can better support them.

There is lots of information and resources out there, so make sure you start.

 

Well-being and DEI program

They’re meant to be together. When you think of DEI, you think of someone. Then, you think of the need to shape a well-being program to support someone. So they go together. You have to know those communities at the table because well-being may look very differently for many people.

If you’re going to have a well-being program, make them feel that they won’t have to hide part of themselves. When they’re at work, they’re never going to reach that goal of thriving and having well-being. We’ve got to get outside of ourselves and learn about the ways that others have been impacted.

Some tips for leaders:

Make sure you’re embracing each person’s story

When you’re thinking of creating policies, embrace each person’s story to create a diverse and inclusive environment.

Start looking at the workforce’s well-being and mental health

Put that priority first and think very differently in terms of how your people work.

Have flexible working hours 

People should be able to have time off when they need it. A mental health break is very important. Make sure that everyone is at the table.

Reverse mentoring 

It is so powerful for executives to receive reverse mentoring in the workplace. It improves new workers’ critical business skills, promotes diversity and empowers new hires to speak up. 

Make employees want to stay at your company

If you have employees that are happy and thriving, when they feel like they have worth, value, and they can bring their whole selves to work, it affects your bottom line. It will represent that your company is thriving.

As a business leader, be that person who your employees can easily talk to. Embrace each person’s story. Be truly diverse and inclusive and you will have an amazing workforce.

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The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

As a culture consultant on a mission to create positive work environments, I’ve engaged with leaders from around the world in a variety of different industries. One common challenge I’m faced with is helping them bring out the best in themselves and their employees, resulting in organizational transformation and overall business success. 

 

What I’ve found is that while most of the leaders I work with are highly intelligent and well versed in the technical aspects of the position and organization, they’re lacking other skills that have become key to personal, employee and organizational success.  

 

I see it all the time. Employees are advanced upwards through the organization because of their ability to do the job itself, but are not given proper training around managing performance, empowering employees, navigating conflict, coaching poor behavior, stress management, and other necessary skills (we don’t call them “soft skills”).

 

When these skills are lost or forgotten, it can result in toxic behavior and negative workplace cultures. 

 

Emotional intelligence is what I’m talking about, and it’s the “capacity to be aware of, control and express one’s emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” It’s an imperative part of successful leadership from the CEO all the way down to first level supervisors, especially in this evolving business environment. Employee expectations are changing due to the generational shift, political climate, and the Great Resignation, for example, and staying in tune with workforce needs is key.

 

Emotional intelligence can be broken down into five scales. Address each scale with tangible action items, and you could increase your emotional intelligence. 

 

Self-perception is the awareness of our own emotions, strengths and weaknesses and drive to improve. Some strategies for increasing awareness might be to take an assessment, observe those around you, or journal your own emotions throughout the day to understand how you respond to certain triggers.  

 

Self-expression is how your emotions dictate your behavior. It’s the ability to express your feelings verbally and non-verbally in a nondestructive way and be independent of the emotions of others. One great way to improve self-expression is to simply practice how you might respond in certain scenarios at work, something we have employees do in virtually every single one of our training sessions. 

 

Interpersonal is the level at which you can practice empathy, social responsibility, and ultimately foster positive relationships with others. More and more, employees are looking to build mutually beneficial relationships with their supervisors and leadership. Leaders can do so by actively listening, showing employee opinions are valued, and getting curious about what motivates their employees. Try implementing informal 1:1’s to check in and get to know your staff. 

 

Decision making is our ability to control our impulses, remain objective, and solve emotional problems. Often, negative interactions at work are a result of failure to step back in emotional situations. For example, sometimes when things go wrong, we tend to connect the problem and the person, thus influencing our interactions with that person moving forward. The next time an issue arises, reframe your internal dialogue to address the issue itself, rather than who did it and why. 

 

Stress management can be broken down into three factors: Flexibility, stress tolerance, and optimism. In simpler terms, it’s the ability to adapt, cope and remain hopeful in difficult situations. One of our previous blog posts has a ton of tools you can use – for example, practicing 4-7-8 breathing. 

 

Leaders can use emotional intelligence in a number of different personal and professional scenarios. And, those with higher emotional intelligence have been found to make better decisions, handle high pressure situations, motivate employees, take in constructive feedback and use it to their advantage, and more. 

 

Bottom line is that leaders with emotional intelligence encourage more positive work environments, better motivate employees, and increase retention. 

 

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Creativity, Equity and Balance at Work

Based on our episode “Creativity, Equity and Balance at Work” with Orly Lobel

Work-life balance is an important conversation. It has always been, but it’s coming to a head lately with COVID. In fact, more employees are managing it, but how do we build work-life balance both personally and for organizations?

With the pandemic, there’s a lot of talk about the great resignation, where people are really reassessing what’s important to them. People talk about what they want to get out of the workforce, out of their careers, how they want to strike that balance between technology and the situation with the accelerated global pandemic. They all changed the way that we work, so it’s all accelerated with circumstances where people understand that they can work more. 

Remotely flexible employers are recognizing that these are all quite good developments that technology is enabling us to do. People who want to manage their careers want to have more autonomy over how they work.

There are also risks when we’re kind of constantly available digitally. We’re always connected, and so there’s a policy perspective and initiatives, more so in Europe, about the right to disconnect sometimes. Your work and family balance in that way of not being constantly available, but it’s a really exciting time for all of us in this sphere of culture and policy.

If you’re an owner, head, leader, and in charge of the company, it’s important to have pretty clear boundaries that once you clock out, you don’t want your employees working unless you’ve talked about it with them, or sometimes there’s overtime certainly for some sort of project. It will be very helpful to know where you stand on work-life balance.

Businesses have to understand that most of the time it’s a win-win situation because employees are happier. There’s a lot of evidence that we’re actually more productive when we disconnect sometimes. We’re more creative when we have time to recharge and have some time away, but there’s software that helps with that too. 

A good thing for retention is providing for child care expenses and providing for flexible work shifts. A lot of companies are moving to remote work or hybrid options and modeling great examples of achieving that.

Paid vacations are always great for finding balance through all sorts of retreats. This is part of the great resignation that we’re seeing in social psychology and industrial relations research that more and more people, especially younger generations, are really valuing intangible things, not just the salary. 

Salary used to be the number one reason why we chose one job over the other, so people value really enriching their human capital. People don’t expect to start at one job and stay there for too long, so they really want to think about their careers and build their skills. They value companies that have a mission that’s bigger than just profit. Most of the time, it’s really win-win and these interests align, but when companies are doing well, they care about the work environment, innovation, and creativity.

When you’re doing that, you love what you’re doing, and you feel connected. Your identity is more tied to your workplace than the burdens of having a lot to juggle, which inevitably will happen when you have small children, a career, and you have a life and you want to do other things, but then even that busyness feels more fulfilling because your organization supports that.

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4 Tips for Maximizing Your Current Training Programs

Many organizations place considerable time and effort into arranging specific training programs in hopes that the touch point of a single workshop will fix a multitude of sins in a convenient 2 or 3 hour time block.

 

They have the best of intentions of course, and are definitely taking an important first step in infusing their workforce with important new ideas and techniques. However, where they’re falling short is in the followthrough. There’s much to do after a training program is complete. 

 

It’s my philosophy that any single workshop is like receiving a bag full of seeds with a sometimes unrealistic organizational expectation placed upon participants that they will have both the desire and full knowledge to then go forward and generate a thriving garden.

 

This place of generative growth post workshop can only be true with ongoing support from leadership, available resources, and an investment into the development of intrinsic interests to keep the awareness and lessons alive.

 

So how can organizations continue to foster post-workshop learning and development in their employees? Below are just a few tips to maximize the training programs you’re already investing in:

 

1) Team Meetings

Our very busy schedules often demand we maximize meeting times to typically focus only on the tasks at hand. I’ve found, however, that when teams are willing to take 10 minutes to carve out time for what I affectionately call a “Culture Corner” or “Communication Corner” the results can yield high returns.

 

This culture-enhancing team-building time can be used to examine such topics as conflict resolution, inclusion, communication style preferences, creating and defining group agreements, and trust building. Activities, scenarios, and reflection exercises can be used to deepen an understanding of a particular workshop topic, and of one another. The benefits include higher amounts of trust, productivity, transparence, inclusivity, communication, and employee engagement, to name just a few.

 

2) 1-on-1 Meetings

During these more personal encounters, action plans for implementation of workshop material can be co-created with an employee. This allows for ongoing accountability around the newly learned material, and the ability to offer support for their growth along the way as necessary. 

 

3) Coaching

When deep behavior change is needed in an individual, it’s nearly impossible to inspire lasting positive changes from a single workshop. Not to mention, participants will come to believe the behavior changes requested via the training program are not important. If that person’s not accountable to change, why should they be?

 

Ongoing coaching offers the guidance and accountability needed to mitigate uncivil and harmful behaviors that can adversely impact your workforce and organization.

 

Certain individuals may have carried particular ways of interacting with others that will take time to permanently undo, and this level of support and investment is a true gift from the organization in working towards the positive culture you are striving to develop. 

 

4) Additional Training

It’s tricky to cover everything in depth in one short multi-topic presentation, and so I often recommend a scaffold approach to training – a series of workshops where each training goes deeper into particular topics of interest. 

 

Another benefit to having multiple workshops, or even one workshop over the course of a couple days, is that people get to better practice and integrate the material they are learning in a supportive way. By having access to the facilitator on a follow-up occasion, participants can share stories of success and challenge, and also new pathways and approaches can be explored. 

 

To sum it up, I encourage organizations to maximize their investment in training, and continue to support a growth mindset in their employees around any newly introduced material. 

 

Given that the number one reason people are leaving organizations right now is a toxic workplace, know that we’re here to support you with courses, coaching, and ideas to help you keep the learning alive in your organization. We love reducing bad behavior and increasing retention! It’s our thing!

 

Contact us for a chat. 

 

Sincerely,

Toni Herndon and the Civility Partners Team

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Stop Avoiding and Start Leading

Based on our episode, “Stop Avoiding and Start Leading” with Marlene Chism

People think that conflict is a problem. In fact, conflict is not the problem. The mismanagement of conflict is the problem.

We all mismanage conflict because we don’t really learn how to do it well. Unless our parents are amazing at managing conflict, most of us don’t have that.

The reasons that we mismanage conflict has to do with two things:Outer Game

Normally, if you don’t have the skills, you take courses on LinkedIn, go to college, take a workshop or a full day retreat. We think we’re going to build skills, but it’s not just that. There’s this outer game that we play that we learn the skill sets for.

Inner Game

It is being able to expand your capacity. If somebody says something really sarcastic, the ability not to hold back because you did not want to buy into that energy is your inner game.

Show up in a way that defines your leadership and, when necessary, use that one tool, but don’t overuse it. So, it’s only the inner game and outer game. Then for us leaders, it’s culture as well, because if the culture does not support that, you are going to struggle regardless of your inner and outer game.

One of the reasons bullying thrives is that the leader or whoever is in charge of that person is really avoiding stepping in, and there are all sorts of reasons some people are uncomfortable.

Convince leaders to care about this as an interpersonal skill:

Leaders really need to want it because they’ve experienced enough pain in damaging their relationships, whether that’s through several divorces, losing jobs, or whether that’s through “I want to be a different person but I can’t find out how to align myself with that.”

People do what they do because it works for someone. If they don’t want to change, and you’re not going to change that person, it has to stop working for them in some way. So the way that it would stop working is if in the culture, the upper leadership said “These are our values.” It won’t work. If you just hope they change and go, “Yeah, we’ve got these values but they’re really a high performer,” it’s not going to change because that’s cultural. So, as long as things work for someone, whether that’s through their value system or through manipulation and control, people do what they do because it works. We’re all going to face a time in our lives where we’re going to have an awakening and realize we’re only here for a short time. 

Competence is what’s driving that behavior. Either they’re scared of looking incompetent or they’ve been told their whole life they’re very competent. So, they’re really striving for that.

Can competence and conflict tend to be somewhat related? 

It relates to their identity as well as their willingness to be open. Nothing changes until someone’s willingness is the fulcrum point of change. If someone does not want to change and they have a belief and an identity, that is how it is. 

Having a high-conflict employee who is overly sarcastic or always arguing with others, even after you’ve asked them to stop thousands of times, happens. It means you’ve allowed the conversation or the behavior 999 times. You have to do it as quickly as you can because people’s behavior is so subconscious that we don’t know that we do it.

We want to understand how people are perceiving us. We want to match our intention with the way we’re seeing it. Feedback is valuable and we don’t see ourselves as others too. However, as a leader, we can state what we observed in their behavior and ask them if they agree.

Feel free to bring that forward to a meeting and have people go do that even in the moment. Say something like, “Hey, I didn’t want to catch you off guard, but I’ve noticed that a couple of times. Start changing that behavior. If you want to talk about it, I’m open. I want to hear your opinions that start changing that behavior. ” People will almost always say that you’re just too sensitive or that you just perceive something. Let them off the hook. When people are in denial, they go right into persecutor or victim mode. So they have to have time to process it. If we really want to help people, it’s not about pretending it didn’t happen, but it’s also not about beating them with the bad ball either.

Say things like, “I noticed a couple of times when I brought something up, you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. Now, the story that I’m telling myself is that you disagree but you don’t want to bring it up because what I’m saying is my interpretation, but I’m also leaving space for you to say ‘that’s not true.'” 

If someone’s really in integrity, they’ll go, “Wow, thanks for bringing that up.” I guess I do disagree, but I’ll be honest, it’s even hard as I studied this for me to be that much in integrity at every moment.” 

We’re so in our subconscious patterns that until we have had time to process the way someone else perceives us, it can be really shocking and we can feel hurt and misunderstood. People are scared because it’s scary to be misunderstood in today’s time. It’s pretty volatile out there. We’re all learning right now, so it’s painful sometimes, but if you’re open to it, then you realize this is an opportunity for you to learn.

Difference between emotional intelligence or emotional awareness:

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of control, express one’s emotions, and handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathically. You have to have emotional awareness first of all to have either one of those. You’ve got to be aware of what’s going on in your body and how that translates into feelings. But emotional integrity means that you don’t pretend you feel something when you don’t. You can manage it and you can let people think that it doesn’t bother you. Emotional integrity is going a whole step further to say, you can only be as honest as your own level of awareness.

You must take responsibility for the only thing you can really take responsibility for, and that’s your inner landscape. Consider the possibility of your feelings. We must teach ourselves to be brutally honest with ourselves. Recognizing this can be painful, but it is for the best. It has to do with maturity and wisdom. Facing the dark side is the important part.

Even though there are hidden resentments and then someone that you have resentment against comes to you with a problem, it would be so easy to use that weakness to let them know that they’re not all that in a bag of chips. It’s knowing how you want to live and feeling such a responsibility. You must believe in yourself and understand that you’re still human too. Is it just a game with your identity to say you can shape yourself to be that person, or are you at the mercy of your emotions and desires?

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl

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Do you have moral courage?

There’s a need for leaders in all organizations to commit to working toward creating work environments that support moral courage for all. And one of the most important characteristics for a good leader to have is moral courage.

Moral courage helps us take action when addressing ethical issues. It involves the willingness to speak out and do what’s right even when it isn’t easy.

Yet most people have a natural aversion to taking risks. Oftentimes, we would rather pretend we didn’t see or hear rather than disturb the ethical peace of the workplace. We may be silent because we don’t feel safe and supported to speak up.

As a leader, when you cultivate an environment that supports moral courage, you will mitigate injustice, misconduct, and hypocrisy. You will build trust and psychological safety amongst your teams.

Tips for showing moral courage in the workplace:

Speak the truth no matter how difficult it might be for others to hear. Have those hard, uncomfortable conversations when you need to. Failure to do so could result in important decisions and actions missed. 

 

Make ethical decisions with integrity. Sooner or later, you will face a challenge that takes moral courage to address and resolve. Be sure you’ve got a strong foundation in your organization where everyone knows they can speak up without fear of repercussions. 

 

Be open to the viewpoints and ideas of others in the organization. You never know what brilliant idea they might have. 

 

Acknowledge your own mistakes. You don’t always have to be right. Build your own and your teams’ resilience by creating a safe environment where it’s ok to take prudent risks and fail.

 

Fear is the most common reason employees give when asked why they weren’t courageous to speak up. Are you sure you have a workforce that feels safe enough to speak up when needed? Or are they just telling you that out of fear? 

We can help you understand what your employees are really feeling and thinking. Conduct a climate assessment to find out.

 

Sincerely,

Kathy and The Civility Partners Team

 

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Managing Interpersonal Conflict

From our episode “Managing Interpersonal Conflict” with Tammy Dunnett

 

We’ve all been in conflict. Every single person has been in conflict. If we could sum it up, what are some of the causes of it?

The answer is interpersonal. There’s something that’s disconnected, a misalignment of values, beliefs, or expectations, and then from that, we don’t talk about it in ways that are kind and caring. Then, there are two models in the workplace that are often used:

Medical Model– When you feel stressed and strained, you can go to your doctor and get some medications. You can even take stress leave and go talk to a counselor.Organizational Approach– That is when you’re not being a good employee. So, you can take a class on how to write an email or on how to talk with supervisors.

Those two models don’t actually address the problem. Interpersonal problems require interpersonal solutions.

 

Organizations often go get some training for you and that will solve it. But training’s not a solution. It’s part of a solution, but it’s all knowledge transfer. So, unless the organization is making changes to support that training, what’s being learned is not necessarily useful.

Here are the pillars that we could use in managing interpersonal conflict:

Confidence

People tend to think it’s always about shoulders up, heads up. Go in there, tell them what you think, and you know how you claim your face, but that’s not always what confidence looks like. Confidence is so vast. It depends on who you’re with and what the context is. Sometimes it’s about being silent and not saying the things that you want to say but that you need to say. Confidence isn’t always about presence, like in terms of how people think about it. When someone feels like they’re being victimized or they’re not being heard, that’s what they imagine confidence has to be.

Curiosity

We tend to be in a reactive mode, and we think that’s what confidence looks like. You have to be very courageous to come in and speak what you have to speak. Encouragement is part of it, but courage comes from knowing who you are, what you need, what you want to be treated like and being able to articulate that, so that gets into the conversation. But before we get into the conversation, we have to be curious, and this is often where I find most conflicts can be resolved quickly.

Collaboration

Working as a team not only boosts productivity, but it also builds positive employee connections. Employees who work together are often more successful and efficient than those who try to manage the same projects on their own. Collaboration with peers that goes well can boost your drive and level of involvement at work. Additionally, brainstorming and sharing ideas are beneficial in discovering unique solutions to challenging problems. There are many different methods to interact effectively at work, and the skills and tactics you use can help you be more efficient and successful.

Conversation

It is where people feel a lot of trepidation. They don’t know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it. Maybe they tried before but nobody listened or nothing changed. We become apathetic in these environments and with conversations about being continually present to your values and continually communicating them because once you let that boundary relax once and you don’t say anything, it is harder to recover and to close that gap than if you just address it first.

People are usually good in one or two of those areas, but they’re lacking in the other. 

For example, a person is good with confidence and thought he was really good with conversations because he was capable of talking, sharing his values, boundaries, and how he wanted to be treated, but he really lacked in the curiosity section. He lacked collaboration because it was his way or no way. So, what he finds when he works with people is that there are generally some really good strengths and some areas to work on.

 

We all have a hard time giving feedback. It’s not back to your statement. We don’t learn communication skills. We just kind of communicate and it’s like, I always say, it’s like breathing. We just kind of do it and assume it’s working. You don’t notice communication until it’s not working and you’re in conflict or avoiding someone or whatever it is. So, we do have to get better at giving feedback, and we all have to do that.

 

We should focus a little more on our communication and, for managers, to focus on creating a safe space and coaching versus bullying and all of that.

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Looking Outward: 5 Easy Ways to Cultivate a Prosocial Culture

What makes us happy? 

This simple question breeds much debate, as we often pursue more money, new technology, and other material comforts…thinking they will bring us joy. Yet, KFF released that nearly 1/3 of American adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression in February 2022.

Clearly, what we think will make us happy does not often do the trick. On the contrary, countless studies have shown that the “boost” from a single act of service outweighs the joy we feel from material gains. These studies make it apparent how innately “prosocial” humans are – a term that scientists coined, as they discovered the positive effects of outward thinking. In fact, a growing body of evidence suggests that the single greatest driver of well-being is understanding how your daily efforts enhance the lives of others. 

Given that the average American spends 1/3 of life at work, cultivating prosocial work environments becomes synonymous with a healthy culture. 

But you may ask – how do we do this? 

The answer is surprisingly simple! Contributions to others typically start small…and it comes down to our basic daily interactions. So, here are 5 easy ways to improve our daily interactions: 

1) Assume positive intent. People generally mean well…and are often misunderstood. Assuming positive intent will  minimize miscommunication and help everyone operate from a more positive lens.  

2) Smile at your coworkers. According to Women’s Health Magazine, “A smile of a mere four-thousandths of a second is enough to produce a mini emotional high in others…boring material becomes more interesting…some foods even taste better when preceded by a subliminal smile.”

3) Be inclusive. Social exclusion activates the same two regions of the brain as physical suffering…inclusion matters. 

4) Tell someone how they’ve contributed to your life. One of our deepest needs is to feel appreciated. 

5) Make eye contact in passing and call people by name. Both of these are proven to make someone feel significantly more connected throughout the day. 

People who have great interactions throughout the day are five times as likely to have a very high sense of well-being. Consciously making these simple contributions will foster a culture that improves well being at work and beyond. Unsure if your culture cultivates positive interactions? Conduct a climate assessment to find out! 

And while you’re asking employees about their work experience, remember to ask yourself…”how will my interactions enhance the lives of others today?”

Sincerely,

Sabrina & the Civility Partners Team

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Performance Feedback

Based on our episode “Performance Feedback” with Amber Vanderburg

 

Performance feedback conversations should start by creating an environment for great performance. So, whenever we work with leaders, the first thing we ask is, “Are we setting our teams up for success and actually creating that environment where we’ve clarified what the expectations are?”

In the midst of that conversation, we also engage in a proactive conversation where at some point in our working relationship, there’s probably going to be some frustration. There might be performance expectations that are not met. So, while our emotions are low now, before it even happens, let’s come up with a plan of action for how we are going to handle that situation whenever it arises.

It’s important to begin the conversation with empathy and be mindful of leading with the heart. Oftentimes, we judge other people by their outcomes and their behaviors while we judge ourselves by our intentions, especially whenever we’re giving feedback. 

So you’ve done something really good. It’s going to be really important if you are addressing corrective feedback. We’re going to go two layers deep, so we’re going to address the specific behavior. What was that attitude, action, or behavior that was not desired that did not meet those expectations? Then consider why. Why are they behaving that way?Then we go a second layer deep, and in this situation, it’s going to be really important that we’re asking questions. We’re not the only ones talking in this conversation, but we’re going to come up with an alternative attitude, action, or behavior so we’ve identified what didn’t work. Let’s come up with a plan of action, and then we’re going to also identify why. So, what would be the alternative impact of that alternative action? And so we’re just using this simple what-why model.

We need to begin with empathy. And that is a very simple framework that we can use whenever we give encouraging feedback, coaching feedback, or corrective feedback.

Formal feedback– bi-monthly or quarterly is a good pace to be getting that feedback.Informal feedback– Among gen Z and millennials desiring feedback three times a week.

Look at that bell curve whenever a person receives feedback. There has to be a span of time for a person to receive and digest feedback to come up with a plan of action for change to be seen. As a leader, you need to wait to see what that changes with that alternative action. 

 

Obstacles if people don’t know how to give feedback

Lack of trainingNot seeking intent firstDoesn’t clarify expectations

Before you engage in your performance feedback, take a moment to plan. Sometimes, leaders don’t want to have these tough conversations, but oftentimes it’s because we build up all this nerve and then we sit in the conversation and then we see them looking at us and then we back off.

Identify:

What is the purpose of my feedback? 

Is it to encourage desired behavior at the end? 

Be prepared 

Address the conversation and open the conversation with empathy.

Plan

Propose action steps.

 Ask questions

To reach an alternative action.

Often, in organizational change, you must first sell the existence of a problem before you can sell someone on a change. So, that’s part of the impact. That is, this helps you see that there’s a problem, and so then you feel encouraged to find something new to behave in.

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