Catherine Mattice's Blog

4 Types of Visionary/Integrator Partnerships

[Caution: Random string of thought ahead. It leads to some good stuff though. Promise!]

As a parent, I think a lot about the different roles I play in my kids’ lives. Sometimes I’m their biggest cheerleader, shouting “Yes!” from the rooftops. Other times I offer firm caution, or flat-out say “no.” And then there are moments when I say, “I don’t agree with your choice, but I’ll support it—because I believe in you.”

You might laugh, but recently I realized my COO, Rebecca Del Secco, plays all those same roles for me.

She cheers me on. She gives me the hard truth when I need it. She’s told me “no” more than once. And occasionally, she’ll say, “I don’t agree, but I’ll back your decision—because we’re a team and I believe in you.”

Over the years, people have teased us about our unique dynamic. Then we read Gino Wickman’s, Traction and Rocket Fuel—turns out, it’s not odd at all. It’s a classic Visionary/Integrator relationship. (If I’m being honest, I may have squealed, “Rebecca! Our relationship has a name!”) 

As I thought about all the ways Rebecca’s various types of support and guidance have helped Civility Partners become a successful and profitable business, I of course started thinking about our clients and what makes some more successful than others in turning around culture.

The ones who achieve the biggest cultural turnarounds all have a “Rebecca.” A trusted advisor—sometimes a COO, sometimes someone else—who plays those same roles: cheerleader, truth-teller, accountability partner, and steady supporter.

The clients with less success had something else. Some leaders thought they knew everything and didn’t seek advice. Some were steamrolled by overly dominant advisors. Others had advisors too timid to offer meaningful input. These clients struggled to get anywhere with cultural change.

Below is a list of the most common visionary/integrator partnerships we’ve seen in action with our almost 300 clients, and how the pairing impacted the speed and success of transforming culture. I’ve ranked them from most effective to least effective pair.

 

1. Courageous Leader & Solid Advisor 

We see the quickest and most sustainable turnaround time in toxic culture when this pair is in play.

The courageous leader owns their role in the problems that arose and caused them to reach out to us, acknowledges that they could be better at leading and relationship building, seeks out an expert in their organization to guide them, takes our advice, and pushes back on our advice too. This partnership with us – of problem solving and action planning – allows them to make big leaps forward in sustainable change we can see evidence of in surveys and anecdotes years after working with them.The solid advisor is there to be a sounding board to the leader, give advice, share their experience and expertise, push back, and champion change. Part of the courageous leader’s success is the solid advisor right there next to them.

This dynamic duo was highlighted in a client we took on last year, where 200 employees went on strike and upon returning to work found themselves in an even more broken culture. Those who’d remained at work were upset about the way the strikers behaved on the picket line, not to mention the crazy amount of work and effort they had to put in while the strikers were out. The CEO had a vision for a high-performing team, and although her advisor wasn’t necessarily an integrator due to the advisor’s own role in the organization, the two of them worked together to take in what their Civility Partners team had to say, pushed back thoughtfully, and took ownership of how they’d gotten here and leading the team forward. Less than a year later, this client is riding high with a clear plan to improve culture, rebuild trust, and reach that high performance they seek. 

2. Hopeful Leader & Aggressive or Manipulative Advisor 

We see some change with this pair, but it doesn’t happen quickly and it’s not necessarily sustainable unless the partnership can evolve.

The hopeful leader knows change is needed and wants to make it. They invest in consultants, initiatives, and training programs to make change happen. With a not so enthusiastic advisor next to them, however, it falls flat. We’ve seen hopeful leaders engage in coaching to help them work through messaging with their advisor, attempt to go around them, or try to put their foot down to move things forward.Unfortunately the aggressive or manipulative advisor makes the endeavor to a better culture difficult with consistent questioning of the leader, casting major doubt that positive culture change is necessary, and encouraging a tightening of the purse strings instead of investing in a better culture. Why keep this person around, then? Well, the hopeful leader finds the advisor useful for other goals, is too afraid to stand up to them, or continues to hope they’ll come around eventually.

We saw this pair in action earlier this year. The CEO had two advisors/integrators, and together the three of them made up the leadership team. One advisor was encouraging culture change, which the CEO desperately wanted to make. The other encouraged tightening of the purse strings and continued to point out that the organization consistently met its goals, so why bother? The CEO hired us to coach him to address the naysayer and get buy-in, but after one session the CEO decided he was too nervous about “poking the bear.” (I know… just when you thought you heard it all.) And so, with only two out of the three of the leaders on board to make change we can only assume their efforts are stifled and offer minimal impact. 

3. Lost Leader & Scared Advisor 

We don’t see much change when this pair is on deck, and the change we do see is minimal. (I’m pretty sure we have at least one client still considering and discussing the tips we gave them 7 years ago.)

The lost leader is shocked that something bad bubbled up and can’t wrap their head around the fact that it’s been festering for several years. Clearly they weren’t really leading as much as they were setting organizational goals and then leaving everyone else to reach them with any focus on culture. Often these leaders unintentionally make the environment worse, because unlike the courageous leader, they aren’t willing to take accountability for “how things got this bad”. This of course harms trust even more and the road to recovery is slow until that leader exits.The scared advisor isn’t helpful either, as they’re always in agreement with the lost leader, and their advice and guidance amounts to listing all the reasons something should not be done because the status quo is safest. Action items to move things forward are performative and fairly useless.

That client from 7 years ago suffered from this kind of leadership. The CEO spent most of his time in the ivory tower. While his chief of staff was great at wrangling him into necessary conversations, and had really great ideas herself, she wasn’t confident enough to push her ideas through. The CEO listened to her, and if she had been more assertive with him they could’ve made some great changes. Instead, she often shared an idea and then talked herself and the CEO out of it.

4. Ego-Driven Leader & Non-Advisor 

We don’t see much change here either. A leader who thinks they know everything – and either ignores their advisor or chooses not to have one – is leading an organization that’s imploding right under their nose. 

Ego-driven leaders don’t trust data from workforce surveys, exit interviews, or anecdotes from HR. They like to think they’re a great leader, and therefore the culture must also be great and certainly doesn’t need any change.In this case, the non-advisor may exist but is ignored or agrees with the CEO so often they may as well be the same person. Or, no one fills that role at all.

One of our clients agreed with the CEO so often because she’d literally grown up in that particular workplace, so there was no getting through to either one of them. They were basically the same person – defensive when their leadership was challenged, unwilling to own up to their role in the damaging culture, and focused on a results-at-all-costs rewards system. Another client had a great advisor who knew exactly what should happen, and we were so happy to help that organization start to make some real change. Unfortunately for their workforce, the CEO left the new, ego-driven CEO turned that advisor into a non-advisor when he told her to cease all work on culture. She pushed where she could, but found her pleas to keep it going were ignored.

 

Bringing It All Together

At the end of the day, culture transformation is never a solo act. It thrives at the intersection of three powerful synergies:

Organizational behavior – the systems, policies, and structures that either reinforce or erode your values.Leadership behavior – the tone set at the top, including the courage to own missteps and model the culture you want to see.Individual behavior – the choices every team member makes daily, from speaking up to supporting one another.

Download this assessment to discover how well your organization’s synergies align.

When these three forces align, real culture change becomes not only possible but sustainable. We’ve seen organizations go from toxic to thriving when leaders embrace the courage to look inward, advisors provide the steady guidance to navigate the messy middle, and individuals are equipped and inspired to live the culture every day with organizational resources. 

So if you’re a leader, ask yourself: Who is my “Rebecca”? Who tells me the truth even when it stings, pushes me to stay courageous, and celebrates progress along the way? And if you are an advisor, remember that your voice has the power to either accelerate change or keep an organization stuck in neutral, or worse.

Speaking of which—if you want more insights from a truly solid advisor, follow Rebecca Del Secco on LinkedIn. Her perspective is the perfect complement to the work we do in helping organizations build cultures where people can thrive.

The post 4 Types of Visionary/Integrator Partnerships appeared first on Civility Partners.

What the Heck is a Super-Facilitator? And Why Your Team Needs One

Harvard Business Review recently published an article called . It’s a good read for anyone interested in building strong, inclusive, high-performing teams.

I’d never heard this phrase before… have you?

Nonetheless, the article highlights that the best teams aren’t led by superstars or lone geniuses—they’re led by people who know how to bring out the best in others. They’re called super-facilitators, and your team needs at least one.

Lucky for you, super-facilitation isn’t a magical personality trait. It’s a skill set that can be taught, practiced, and modeled at every level of an organization.

It’s October – National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month – so for fun let’s dig into the difference between a leader who bullies and a super-facilitator, and why this matters for your culture, your people, and your bottom line.

 

Bullying Behavior Fixates on Competence; Super-Facilitators Unlock Collective Intelligence

People who engage in bullying behavior are most often driven by a need to prove their competence. Whether it’s belittling others, hoarding information, or taking credit for team wins, the behavior comes from insecurity masked as dominance. They need to feel valued, and leaving others feeling devalued is one way to achieve that goal. 

What those leaders are missing is that great teams aren’t built on individual genius or a single competent leader. They thrive on collective intelligence: a team’s ability to think, solve problems, and innovate together. And leading with fear inhibits all of that – people can’t think openly about solving problems because they’re too busy consciously and unconsciously managing their survival instincts. 

Collective intelligence happens when super-facilitators know how to:

Make space for everyone’s inputElevate quieter voicesReduce power playsFocus on how the group works—not just what it producesBring out the best in peopleLean on each individual’s strengths

In other words, good things happen when someone is facilitating the team’s success, not dominating the team’s success.

 

Diversity Fuels Collective Intelligence

Collective intelligence is made even better when the team is diverse. A group of people who think differently, come from different backgrounds, and see the world in different ways raise the bar as they look at problems from different perspectives. That’s key to reaching the best possible outcome. 

But this only works if people feel safe enough to share their perspectives, knowledge and experiences. If your team dynamics are driven by fear, hierarchy, or politics, you’ll never get the full range of ideas available in the group.

With a super-facilitator on the team, bridges can be built between differences and psychological safety is more likely to flourish. They invite tension that leads to growth, not division. And they know how to hold space for the messiness of diverse thinking without shutting it down. 

 

Super-Facilitator vs. Leaders Displaying Toxic Behaviors

So think about it: the difference between a super-facilitator and a leader displaying toxic behaviors is night and day.

 

Super-Facilitator Playbook

Super-facilitators are:

Intentional about creating space for others—they invite voices into the conversation, ask open-ended questions, and listen with the goal of truly understanding.Focused on the team’s success, not their own image, and so they share credit and lean into diverse perspectives.Build psychological safety by ensuring every person knows their input matters.Clear that if they desire to be seen as a leader valued by others, they must value others first.

As a result, the team becomes innovative, resilient, and collaborative, producing outcomes no single “star” could achieve on their own.

 

When Leadership Behaviors Turn Toxic

Leaders can sometimes slip into behaviors that harm rather than help — often without realizing it. These behaviors might look like:

Dominate conversations, shut down dialogue that goes against their own point of view, and surround themselves with “yes” people who won’t challenge them.Focus on the team’s success, but through a lens that has them believing the leader is supposed to be the most successful out of the team members.Use fear, intimidation, and control as their tools, and therefore hoard credit, pass blame, and silence dissent.Believe that to be seen as a valuable leader, they must be the ultimate mascot of the team’s success. 

It’s the difference between a team that grows stronger together and one that slowly crumbles under the weight of a single ego.

 

What To Do With This Information About Super-Facilitators

Consider who is already acting as a super-facilitator in your team or within your organization, and what they need to hone in on that skill. Do they know how to shut down toxic behavior from others before it escalates? Do they know they’d be supported in doing so?

Then consider who could grow into super-facilitatorship (we made that word up) and what they need to get there. How can you help them understand that this is a goal they can grow into? What training or mentoring do they need? What would be the benefits for them to make this leap?

Lastly, who should be a super-facilitator but is functioning in the negative? Who are the antithesises (made that one up too) of super-facilitatorship, and what can you offer them to grow out of that toxic behavior and into the amazing leaders you need them to be? Feel free to use our Abrasive Leader Assessment Tool as you answer. It will help you put words to the behavior you experience or hear about from others.

These questions are worth answering. While you do so, keep in mind that super-facilitators can be individual contributors, managers, and leaders.

 

Apparently Supermanagers Are Also Needed

Then there’s this article – The Rise of the Supermanager. In short, Josh Bersin posits that with the rise of AI, managers have more opportunities to think strategically and optimize work. They won’t need to supervise so much as they’ll need to, and have more time to, coach and mentor. He says that, “Performance management and supervision become the ‘table stakes’ of management, and it’s the re-engineering, experimentation, and growth that differentiate the best.” Supermanagers experiment, embrace new ideas, are open to and sharing out others’ ideas, and in terms of AI, they find new ways to use it without a directive from the top.

 

Super-Facilitation and Supermanagement: Are They Really New Concepts?

Both of the articles we’ve mentioned are fascinating – but as we wrote this blog we started to wonder how new these concepts really are. Collaboration, psychological safety, and lifting people up have all been on the list of good team membership and good management for a long time.

Perhaps these new phrases just serve the purpose of differentiating between the “regular” managers we’ve all experienced, and the really great managers we’ve hopefully all had at least once in our careers?

Given our recent blog post about Conscious Unbossing, which highlights that Gen Z doesn’t want to manage given all of the underpay and overwork they’ve witnessed in their own managers, it seems unlikely that tacking the word “super” onto their job is going to make it more appealing.

 

What This Means for Your Organization

Whether you call them super-facilitators and supermanagers or not, both of these articles simply highlight that despite all of the advancement in AI and technology in general, people skills are still super important.

So if you need our super-facilitators to facilitate your training programs to build up your super-facilitators and supermanagers, contact us for a strategy session. Of course we offer all sorts of programs to elevate your managers’ people management skills. 

The post What the Heck is a Super-Facilitator? And Why Your Team Needs One appeared first on Civility Partners.

FREE Webinar: Creating Inclusive Workplaces

What was once applauded as both smart business and the right thing to do has suddenly become controversial.

Yep, I’m talking about DEI. It’s disheartening to see that what was once celebrated is now being treated as expendable.

But when inclusion takes a back seat, so do innovation, engagement, and retention. Because whether you call it DEI or not, your workforce needs well-being and psychological safety. People need to know their ideas won’t be shot down, their identities won’t be questioned, and that their contributions actually matter.

The data is clear. A study by Forbes revealed that 56% of companies with more than $10 billion in revenue say their diverse workforce significantly drives innovation. When inclusion is deprioritized, business suffers.

What I’m saying is that even when DEI is under fire, there are credible, resilient steps you can take to make inclusion part of your culture’s DNA – so you don’t lose out on the innovation and awesomeness your workforce can produce when they feel safe to be themselves.

That’s why we’re hosting the webinar, Creating Inclusive Workplaces When DEI Efforts Are Under Fire, on October 1st at 10am PT. This webinar is worth 1 SHRM credit.

If you’ve joined one of our webinars before, you know that you’ll leave with practical, actionable strategies you can apply immediately to create a workplace where employees feel heard, valued, and empowered.

This session will be highly interactive (would we do it any other way?!). I’ll be answering your questions live, inviting your input and experiences, and guiding you through strategies to protect and strengthen your inclusion efforts. 

We also offer a free bonus resource and giveaways for everyone who attends live!

Now more than ever, leaders must double down on authenticity, resilience, and transparency. Building inclusive workplaces in challenging times doesn’t just help you weather the storm. It makes your organization stronger, more innovative, and more competitive.

Register now.

We can’t wait to see you there.

The post FREE Webinar: Creating Inclusive Workplaces appeared first on Civility Partners.

Navigating the Era of “Quiet DEI”

Companies across industries are changing how they talk about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). Not too long ago, DEI was splashed across annual reports, websites, and conference stages. Now? The phrase itself has become a political lightning rod, and many organizations are now rebranding under new labels.

Instead of DEI, you’ll see “Inclusive Workplaces,” “Employee Experience,” “Wellbeing,” or “Belonging.”

Why the shift? Because DEI has become a political football. Politicians, shareholders, employees, and the media are all weighing in, questioning its value and demanding proof of Return of Investment (ROI). Leaders are stuck in the middle – trying to keep up the work employees expect while dodging the backlash that can damage reputation and trust.

The data reflects this shift. In 2024, S&P 500 companies reduced their mentions of DEI in SEC filings. The average number of mentions dropped from 12.5 to just 4. 

It’s the start of the “Quiet DEI” era. The work continues, but the name changes.

 

Why This Matters for HR and Leaders

For HR and leadership, this shift makes things more complicated than they already were.

You’re balancing very different pressures.

Take Gen Z, for example. By 2030 (that’s only five years from now, folks) they’ll make up nearly a third of the workforce. They’re the most likely to call out workplace toxicity and mental health challenges – and 84% say DEI helps them feel like they can be their authentic selves at work. 

 

What Rebranding DEI Signals for Your Company

At the end of the day, it’s all about intention.

If you’re rebranding to protect and strengthen your inclusion efforts? Smart move.

If you’re using it as a cover to quietly step back from DEI? People will notice, and they won’t forget.

Ultimately, the language you choose must be backed by actions that prove the work is still alive, relevant, and tied to business outcomes.

 

Practical Strategies for Leaders in the “Quiet DEI” Era

No matter what, carrying the work forward is what really counts. Here are five ways to do that:

 

1. Lead with Authenticity

Employees are quick to recognize when inclusion efforts are performative, and nothing undermines trust faster than initiatives that appear to be driven by optics rather than true commitment. Authenticity means that your actions, policies, and investments in people consistently align with the values you communicate. If you’ve been genuine, a terminology shift won’t derail progress. Make it clear that while the name may change, the commitment hasn’t.

 

2. Double Down on Belonging

For younger generations, belonging isn’t optional or a nice-to-have. To meet this demand, belonging must be woven into the everyday fabric of leadership and operations. This means:

Training leaders to recognize and address behaviors that erode feeling includedEnsuring performance reviews reflect not only what people achieve but also how they contribute to a respectful and collaborative culture Designing recognition programs that highlight inclusive behavior as much as individual results.

 

3. Communicate Transparently

If you’re renaming or restructuring DEI, explain why you’re doing it. A sudden shift in terminology without context can spark suspicion and distrust in leadership. In contrast, clear and proactive communication demonstrates integrity and reassures employees that the work is continuing, even if the name has changed.

 

4. Measure What Matters

Track data on turnover, engagement, and overall employee sentiment across demographics. Share progress openly. Metrics are your proof point that the work is more than words. One way to do that is by conducting a workforce survey, which goes deeper than a traditional engagement survey. Our process is tailored to meet your specific needs and collect the data from your workforce. You’ll receive a hefty report laying out your strengths, opportunities for improvement, and recommendations. Check out our sample questions here. 

 

5. Keep Learning

This isn’t the time to slow down on education. Continued learning is one of the best ways to strengthen inclusion in the “Quiet DEI” era. Lucky for you, we’re hosting a free, 1-SHRM credit webinar titled “Creating Inclusive Workplaces When DEI Efforts Are Under Fire.”

Attendees will leave with practical, actionable strategies they can immediately apply to build a culture where employees feel heard, valued, and empowered. It takes place on October 1st at 10 a.m. PT. I encourage you to save your seat and join the conversation!

The post Navigating the Era of “Quiet DEI” appeared first on Civility Partners.

3 Cultural Faux Pas You Might Not Realize You’re Making

Cultural missteps happen to everyone, even the most seasoned leaders and global brands. 

Recently, American Eagle launched a campaign featuring actress Sydney Sweeney with the tagline “Sydney Sweeney Has Great Genes.” The pun on “jeans” was meant to be playful, but it quickly sparked backlash. Critics pointed out that pairing the phrase with Sweeney’s blonde, blue-eyed image promoted eugenics and took us back some steps on the more body-positive movements we’ve seen in ad campaigns these days.

Perhaps if they’d released several other versions of the same ad with a variety of other women, the campaign wouldn’t have gone sour. They could have highlighted that lots of people who look nothing like Sweeney also have “good genes.” Perhaps there wasn’t any, or enough, diversity in the campaign’s team, so no one thought about the damage the ad could potentially have on the American Eagle brand or Sweeney’s reputation.

One might argue that saying Sweeney has “good genes” doesn’t mean other people don’t have them, and of course that wasn’t the intent of the ad. Annnddd also, this is a great example of just how unrelated intention and impact are. White supremacy wasn’t the intended message, but the harmful impact is massive.

As organizations expand across borders and teams become more diverse, the stakes for cultural competence have never been higher. According to LearnLight’s global research, 56% of professionals across multiple countries say they need to strengthen their cultural awareness to broaden their worldview and avoid costly misunderstandings. 

Most cultural faux pas aren’t intentional. But even small slip-ups can quietly erode trust, weaken collaboration, and damage your credibility at work.

 

What Is a Cultural Faux Pas?

A cultural faux pas is an action, phrase, or behavior that unintentionally violates the social norms, etiquette, or expectations of a particular culture.

Usually, they’re a result of gaps in awareness. And while intention isn’t normally part of the problem, the impact can be disastrous for relationships.

Some missteps are visible and ceremonial, like giving a gift with the wrong hand according to the culture or wearing the wrong attire to a formal event. Others are subtle and invisible, like misinterpreting silence, standing too close, or being too touchy.

 

Cultural Faux Pas Examples and How to Avoid Them

Below are three subtle but surprisingly common cultural missteps that can undermine relationships without you realizing it, and how to avoid them.

 

Misjudging Humor

Humor is universal, but not uniformly received. Sarcasm, for example, is warmly embraced in the UK but often misinterpreted as hostility in Germany or Japan. Self-deprecating humor, common in the U.S., may cause confusion in hierarchical cultures where humility is expected by default.

Keep jokes light and inclusive, and avoid sarcasm until you know your audience appreciates it. When used well, humor builds bridges but when misjudged, it can shut them down. The goal isn’t to strip away personality—it’s to make sure your meaning lands with every listener.

 

Forgetting the “Unwritten Rules” of Time

Time may be universal, but how people relate to it is deeply cultural. In Germany, Switzerland, and Japan, punctuality is a sign of respect—being even five minutes late can signal disregard. In parts of Latin America, Africa, and the Middle East, time is more fluid, and starting a meeting 15 minutes late might be perfectly normal.

When in doubt, be punctual. It’s one of the simplest and most universally respected ways to show that you value the people in, and the purpose of, the meeting.

 

Overlooking Hierarchical Norms

In the U.S., calling your boss by their first name might be a sign of openness. But in countries like South Korea and the Philippines, titles and honorifics are essential markers of respect. Addressing someone too casually can be seen as presumptuous, undermining trust before you’ve even begun working together.

Start formal, then adapt. Use titles and last names until the other person invites you to be more casual. For example, “Good morning, Ms. Jeong,” or “Hello, Dr. Rivera.” When in doubt, ask politely. “I want to make sure I address you correctly, how do you prefer to be addressed?” This sets the tone for mutual respect.

 

Why This Matters Now More Than Ever

Cultural faux pas aren’t just awkward—they can quietly erode trust, hinder collaboration, and stall careers. But with cultural competence, you can transform these potential landmines into moments of connection and respect. 

These are just three examples, but there are many more subtle ways culture plays out at work. Tools like our conversation cards can help employees build awareness, practice allyship, and open the door to meaningful team discussions about inclusion and intervention. 

Download them and bring them to a meeting or a lunch n’ learn. Discussion about how to respond as individuals to various scenarios facilitates courage to do so when the time actually comes. Running the exercise sends the message that you as an employer encourage allyship and upstandership. 

In today’s workplaces where many organizations are scaling back DEI efforts, inclusivity cannot be an afterthought.

That’s why I invite you to join our free, 1-SHRM credit webinar, Creating Inclusive Workplaces When DEI Efforts Are Under Fire, on October 1 at 10am PT. We’ll explore the real purpose and transformative power of DEI — and share actionable steps leaders can take to protect both inclusivity and well-being in the workplace, even if you can’t say words like “diversity” in your organization due to recent presidential executive orders.

If you’re serious about building a positive, culturally intelligent workplace that thrives in a changing business climate, you can’t afford to miss this conversation. Reserve your spot here!

The post 3 Cultural Faux Pas You Might Not Realize You’re Making appeared first on Civility Partners.

HR, Are You Part of the Incivility Problem?

You already know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of workplace “drama.” Complaints about rudeness, tension between team members, and employees quietly disengaging are all part of the daily grind.

You know it’s expensive. You know it’s draining for you to deal with it. 

What you may not know is just how much it’s happening. 

According to SHRM’s Civility Index, millions of acts of incivility occur every single day in the U.S., with nearly 40% of them happening at work. These small moments of rudeness cost American businesses an estimated $2 billion a day in lost productivity. If you want to know what portion of the $2 billion dollars your company is spending, check out our culture calculator and find out.

And the consequences are massive. Employees who experience ongoing incivility are more likely to:

Mentally check out during the workdayAvoid certain people or meetings (even if it impacts performance)Reduce their effort or commitment to the company

 

Could You Be Part of the Problem?

It’s a tough question, but one worth asking. Particularly because the peer-reviewed academic research on this question provides an unequivocal YES.

We wrote a blog about this just before my book, Navigating a Toxic Workplace for Dummies, was released. You can read the blog here.

(You may have also seen my ploy to get Johnny C. Taylor, CEO of SHRM, to pay attention to this fact as he continues to tell HR that civility is one HR’s top priorities right now. If you haven’t, hopefully you’ll hop in there to support me in this endeavor.)

Here are common ways HR becomes part of the problem without realizing it:

 

Normalizing Uncivil Behaviors

Eye rolls, sarcastic remarks, or consistent interruptions are brushed off as personality quirks or something you don’t have time to address given bigger pressures like that investigation you’re doing or payroll flub that’s got to be fixed yesterday. The risk of letting these micro-behaviors go, however, is that over time they become normalized. The more normal they are, the more tolerance people have for them, and the worse they become. And you’re sending the message that respect is optional.

 

Being Reactive Instead of Proactive

HR and their leadership team often wait for a formal complaint to take action, but by the time someone lodges their complaint the damage is already done. Teams may have been silently suffering for weeks or months, and disengagement has had time to take root.

We say that with the caveat that we know it’s not always HR’s fault. We’ve talked to thousands of HR professionals over the years and heard a common narrative from them – they’ve been trying to address the problem before it got out of hand, but they couldn’t get permission or resources to do so. (My book discusses this in detail.)

 

Inconsistent Accountability

High performers or long‑tenured employees sometimes get a pass for toxic behavior because they deliver results. The rest of the team sees that bad behavior is tolerated if someone is valuable on paper—eroding trust across the organization.

Again, we understand it’s not always HR that’s letting this behavior slip. In fact, one HR professional we spoke to was seeking a coach for a toxic leader after the leader received his seventh formal complaint about a toxic work environment. (Yes you read that correctly. It took seven formal complaints for the leader to give HR permission to solve it.)

 

HR as the Solution

HR can be the hero here. You have the power to flip the script and position yourself as the driving force behind a more civil, respectful workplace.

 

Get the Data

Start by assessing the true health of your culture. Our climate assessments/workforce survey can reveal hotspots before they explode into formal complaints. It doesn’t just scratch the surface; it digs deep, tailored to your organization, giving you actionable insights into your culture.

You can learn where the toxic hot spots are, which departments are psychologically safe and which are not, what managers or leaders are part of the problem and which are trying to make it better… and so much more.

 

Equip Your Leaders

Train managers to spot and address microaggressions and subtle rudeness. Tell them it’s part of their expectations, and that positive departmental survey scores are a must. A manager’s number one job is to manage people first, and yet we all know people leave managers – not jobs.

Our Manager Evolution Lab is designed to change that. This program begins and ends with a self-assessment and a team survey, allowing participants to compare their own perceptions of their leadership skills with how their team experiences them. Over six facilitated sessions, each paired with experiential, real-world assignments. Managers apply what they learn in real time. Download this flyer to learn more. 

 

Refresh Your Policies

Clearly define uncivil behaviors even if they seem “small.” Then, outline how these behaviors will be addressed. Will there be coaching? A restorative conversation? Progressive accountability?

When expectations are clearly stated and consequences are transparent, it’s easier for everyone, employees and leaders alike, to feel confident taking action. 

Make it clear to your workforce that respect will bring them rewards, and lack of respect will result in empathy and coaching, but it certainly will not be tolerated.

 

Make Civility Visible

Culture change doesn’t stick unless it’s visible. If you want employees to embrace civility, they need to see that it’s recognized, valued, and rewarded. Make positive behavior part of your daily narrative. Teach your workforce to be civil, communicate with empathy, and hold each other accountable to good behavior.

By taking a proactive stance, HR not only reduces the daily drain of incivility but also strengthens engagement, retention, and overall business performance.

The question is: Will you let incivility keep eroding your culture or will you be the force that turns pain into progress?

The post HR, Are You Part of the Incivility Problem? appeared first on Civility Partners.

4 Strategies to Infiltrate Civility Into Your Global Organization

At its core, civility is the foundation of a thriving culture. It shapes how people communicate, lead, resolve tension, and show up, especially when challenges arise.

Civility doesn’t look the same everywhere, however. What feels respectful in one culture might come across as distant in another. Some teams value directness, while others lean toward diplomacy. Leaders bring their own styles. Norms vary from region to region. And still, no matter where they are in the world, every employee deserves to feel respected and valued at work.

So the question becomes: How do you build civility across a global, complex, ever-evolving organization… in ways that actually stick?

The answer lies in creativity, intention, and a commitment to making civility something people feel, not just something they’re told about. Civility must become a habit for each individual.

 

Infusing Civility Into Your Global Organization

We’ve supported many organizations across several industries and almost every continent, and here are some of the most effective, human-centered strategies we’ve used with clients to help them bring civility to life.

 

Turn Learning Into a Shared Experience

People don’t change their behavior after watching a training video. They change because the learning resonates, and the environment supports and even requires it.

Instead of relying on one-and-done workshops, forward-thinking companies are creating immersive, ongoing learning experiences that invite people to explore, reflect, and apply.

Here’s what that can look like:

Assign a powerful TED Talk or documentary, then hold space for real, reflective discussion in a fireside chat format. Share bite-sized or microlearning content, like videos, short articles, or journal prompts, through a digital platform like your LMS or internal communication channels to keep the conversations on positive workplaces going all year long.Create small-group spaces where teams can talk honestly about workplace culture in their own words.Provide a set of exercises and discussion points for a volunteering team member to lead a discussion during already scheduled team meetings.

 

Lean Into Onboarding as a Culture-Shaping Moment

Onboarding isn’t just about paperwork and tech setup. It’s the very first impression of “how we do things around here,” which makes it the perfect opportunity to set the tone for civility and respect. Don’t just talk about things like inclusivity and collaboration; make them a core component of your onboarding program from start to finish.

Here are a few creative ways to make onboarding more meaningful:

Incorporate the new hire’s entire team into the onboarding experience – including buddy programs, on-the-job training, and discussions about the culture.Ask about past experiences with respect and incivility in post-onboarding surveys, then actually use that insight to shape the employee experience.Develop a 30-60-90 day roadmap for experiences and emotions about the workplace, in addition to the checklist for training job tasks. Consider, for example, what a new hire should be feeling by day 30 and how you will help them get there. Who should they connect with by day 60 and how will you ensure they get those connections? What company values should they see in action by day 90? Here’s a free resource to help you assess and shape that journey.Avoid requiring the necessary but often boring compliance training in the first few days and even weeks just so you can check it off. Position your harassment prevention training, for example, as a component of your culture-building initiatives with messaging around the expectation that everyone is respectful. Doing that means the new hire must be more engrained in the culture than they are two-days in.

 

Empower Managers to Lead Toward Civility with Confidence

Managers are one of the most powerful yet underutilized levers for workplace culture and also the most overwhelmed with work responsibilities. 

It’s easy to assume managers know how to be civil themselves and also create civility within their teams. Yet civility doesn’t show up the same way on every team or in every situation, and unless you’ve told them specifically that they are expected to and will be measured on a respectful team culture, they aren’t focused on this.

Managers need more than a one-time training – they need tools, support, and space to reflect on how they show up and what they need to do to get a hold of their team culture and then improve it.

Some ways to creatively support them include:

Integrating civility and respect into performance conversations as a coaching lens that encourages self-awareness and growth. Of course, managers will need some training on how to do this first.Hosting “manager office hours”—monthly drop-in sessions for candid conversation about tough behaviors, team dynamics, or difficult conversations. Led by an HR partner, managers can get social affirmation that they’re on the right track with a situation or get advice and support from their peers.Developing peer coaching pods, where managers can explore themes like psychological safety, dignity, and performance accountability together with a guide in hand. These pods are particularly useful when coupled with training – deliver three sessions on three different topics, for example, and require the pods to meet after each session to continue their learning and report back on what they discussed at the next session.

Our Manager Evolution Lab is a deep-dive leadership experience that helps managers reflect on their habits and assumptions, build skills for courageous, respectful conversations, and move from reactivity to intentional influence.

We love teaching managers how to proactively create a positive team culture with their daily activities and responsibilities. 

 

Ensure HR is Equipped to Do Their Part

Certainly HR knows how to manage employee relations problems and harassment complaints (I hope). But does your HR team know how to proactively create a positive workplace culture? Unfortunately our experience tells us the answer is “not really.”

For example, we hear constantly from HR that they spend their time putting out fires instead of engaging in strategic initiatives. We hear, “Managers expect me to solve their problems for them,” and, “They come to me when it hits the fan and then I have to deal with it.” But HR should be coaching those managers to solve their own people-problems – because collaboration, innovation and respect are thwarted by the managers who let things fester.

In large organizations, one of the best ways to push civility forward is to train your HR team to:

Coach team managers to assist them in putting a stop to hurtful behavior, resolving conflict, and leading their team to a respectful team cultureCoach people engaging in toxic behaviors to change their communication and behavior patterns, or teach managers how to engage in that coachingPartner with the team managers they work with to assess organizational risk factors and team dynamics that may facilitate an exclusive or toxic work environment, and develop solutions to minimize those risk factors

Whether you’re building learning experiences from scratch, reimagining your leadership development, or looking for real ways to make respect part of the everyday, we’re the people you need to call.

This is our zone of genius.

At Civility Partners, we bring deep expertise, bold ideas, and a human-centered approach to helping organizations build cultures grounded in respect and dignity.

When civility is embedded into how people communicate, lead, and work together, culture shifts. And when culture shifts, everything gets better: performance, retention, innovation, and most importantly, your people.

Let’s build a workplace where respect isn’t just talked about—it’s lived.

The post 4 Strategies to Infiltrate Civility Into Your Global Organization appeared first on Civility Partners.

Is It Okay To Bully AI?

According to a Pew Research Center study, 79% of Americans interact with artificial intelligence (AI) almost constantly or several times a day. Gartner predicts that by 2026, 80% of enterprises will be using generative AI in some form. That means we’re not just working alongside AI. We’re living with it.

Someone tagged me in a LinkedIn post recently, where she admitted to sometimes being rude to AI. I thought, “What a brilliant conversation we need to have!” Are we rehearsing incivility when we lash out at AI? Could this unconscious “practice” of being rude or even bullying AI impact how we treat human beings? What are we teaching AI if we’re mean to it?

Then I stumbled on a TikTok from a woman who’s worked in tech for almost a decade. She pointed out that our free tech isn’t actually free. We’re paying with our data, our communication styles, and our emotional patterns. And those very patterns are now shaping how AI learns and interacts.

AI Learns From Us, Even Our Tone

Let’s talk about how AI works. Large language models like ChatGPT learn to predict the next word in a sentence based on patterns in the text they’ve been trained on—and sometimes based on how you, the user, interact with them.

So if you pepper your prompts with sarcasm, insults, or hostility, you’re shaping the kind of responses you get. No, AI doesn’t “feel hurt.” But it does reflect your tone right back at you.

Here’s an example. A friend of mine told me she brings her smart, playful humor to ChatGPT and now it gives her clever comebacks and witty banter. Her experience with AI mirrors the way she shows up and she’s loving it. She’s finally met her witty match.

Compare that with someone who constantly “dunks” on AI. Their interaction becomes hostile, flat, or argumentative; essentially, they’ve trained their own AI experience to be unpleasant. And they’re reinforcing a neural habit of incivility.

 

What You Type Shapes How You Think

When you type a bullying comment to AI, your brain doesn’t know you’re “just kidding” with a robot. You’re practicing the habit of bullying.

If you rehearse snark, it becomes easier to be snarky.If you rehearse cruelty, it becomes easier to be cruel.And the more comfortable you get being sharp or sarcastic in a “safe” space, the more likely that tone is to bleed into emails, meetings, or Slack messages.

It’s the same principle HR relies on in behavioral interviewing: Past behavior predicts future behavior. If your go-to is being hostile with a machine, don’t be shocked when that tone slips into your human interactions.

AI won’t file a complaint, but burnout, disengagement, and microaggressions don’t appear out of nowhere. They’re built in small moments like habits of communication, tone, and attitude.

Which means yes, one day the pattern of being uncivil to AI will land on HR’s desk.

 

Why Civility with AI Wins

Even if AI doesn’t “need” kindness, practicing civility with it still pays off. Here’s why:

It builds better habits. You’re reinforcing the tone and mindset you want to bring to your work and your brain chemistry rewards positive, respectful interactions.It improves your AI experience. Thoughtful, polite prompts generate better, more kind responses.It protects your workplace culture. When civility is your default all the time, even with machines, it’s your default with people, too.

AI doesn’t need you to be nice. But you need to be nice.

Right now, your future tone, your team culture, and maybe even your AI experience are being shaped by how you engage today.

If your team is embracing AI tools, now’s the time to align tech use with your culture goals. Don’t let incivility slip in through a digital side door.

A great place to start is understanding where your culture stands. We always love to do that with a climate assessment. We collect data and help you build trust in leaders all at the same time. When done right, a culture survey reveals the tensions, values, and habits that define your workplace. It gives you the insights you need to lead with clarity and confidence. 

It’ll help you understand if your culture will tolerate or even facilitate aggression towards AI – and more importantly, of course, towards people.

And if you’re already doing a survey, great! Just be sure it’s going beyond engagement and helping you understand the culture. Download this resource now and take the first step toward understanding what you’re getting in your current survey and how to shape a positive work culture.

Remember, the habits you form with AI are the habits you carry into the rest of your life, for better or for worse. I suggest choosing better, kinder, and more civil. 

The post Is It Okay To Bully AI? appeared first on Civility Partners.

What Exactly is Civility vs. Incivility?

August is National Civility Month!

Civility has recently climbed to the top of search trends, and with SHRM’s #CivilityAtWork initiative, the conversation is gaining real traction. But here’s the question: do you truly understand what civility means in the workplace? And do you know how to build a culture of civility?

We’ve been building positive workplace cultures for nearly two decades, and civility has always been at the core of what we do. It’s not a trend for us. It’s a proven strategy for organizational success.

The need is clear. Studies show that nearly every working adult has experienced incivility on the job. In fact, 98% of employees say they’ve encountered rude or dismissive behavior at work and nearly half report it happens on a weekly basis. Even more concerning, it’s found that after experiencing incivility, nearly half of employees intentionally decrease their effort, and a quarter take their frustration out on customers.

Let that sink in: incivility at work doesn’t just affect how people feel. It directly impacts performance, engagement, customer experience, and retention.

 

So, What is Civility?

Civility is small acts that demonstrate you value another person. It could be waiting until someone is finished speaking before you respond, apologizing for bumping into someone as you walk past them, or waiting your turn in line. All of this indicates you value the people around you.

It’s not about forced positivity or avoiding difficult conversations. And it is not about being nice all of the time. It’s about being respectful, even when there’s disagreement or stress. 

It’s shown through:

Listening activelyAcknowledging contributionsGiving feedback constructivelyIncluding others in conversations and decision-makingUsing respectful tone and language

Civility is the baseline behavior that creates psychological safety, and psychological safety is the bedrock of high-performing teams.

 

What is Incivility?

Conversely, incivility is the act of demonstrating you do not value another person. It also includes small but impactful behavior like interrupting someone, bumping into someone and not acknowledging it, or cutting in line. Cutting someone off on the freeway certainly says you find your destination and life more important than theirs, even though that particular message is not your intention. 

However subtle, these are toxic behaviors that cause harm, even if unintentionally.

Too often, these behaviors are dismissed as personality clashes or “just how they are.” But over time, incivility corrodes culture. It drains morale. And it pushes good people out the door.

Even if it doesn’t meet the legal threshold of harassment or discrimination, incivility still causes real damage—to the person, the team, and the organization.

 

Your Action Steps

Start by paying closer attention to the way you communicate. Before hitting “send” on that email or text, take a moment to ensure your words convey what you actually intend. In conversations, notice not just your words but also your facial expressions, gestures, and tone. These small shifts in awareness can transform how others experience you.

We’ve created a fresh, updated resource bundle packed with practical tools to help you build a workplace where respect, trust, and collaboration can truly thrive. Even if you’ve grabbed our bundle before, this new version is filled with updated insights and tips—definitely worth a look!

 

Creating a Culture of Civility Starts with Intentional Action

If you’re in HR or leadership, you’ve likely felt the weight of this already. Maybe you’re managing conflict between employees with no clear resolution or dealing with turnover that can’t be fully explained in an exit interview. Maybe you’re stuck in reactive mode, responding to complaints instead of preventing them.

That’s where we come in.

We help organizations shift from reactive to proactive, from frustration to intention. Whether the issue is subtle incivility or more overt toxicity, we bring structure, strategy, and tools that move culture forward. Our approach is rooted in behavior-based systems, equipping leaders to model the values they want to see—and empowering employees to thrive within them.

We don’t just talk about workplace civility. We engineer it.

Workplace culture sends messages every day about what’s accepted, what’s rewarded, and who belongs. The question is, are you sending the right message?

Let’s make sure you are.

Schedule a conversation with us and take the first step toward a healthier, more civil workplace.

PS: Don’t miss Catherine Mattice’s LinkedIn Learning course, Communicating With Respect at Work, for actionable tools to foster civil, effective communication across your team.

The post What Exactly is Civility vs. Incivility? appeared first on Civility Partners.

Is your workforce survey measuring the right things?

Many HR leaders rely on employee surveys to gauge the health of the workplace culture, but not all surveys are created equal. Whether you’re using an engagement survey, a Great Place to Work® survey, or another tool, the question is: Are you gathering the right data?

In our 16 years of experience helping almost 300 organizations build better workplace cultures, we’re here to tell you that many employers believe they’re getting a full picture with their current survey – when they actually are not. Plenty of our clients are doing engagement surveys, for example, yet somehow find themselves needing our assistance to resolve a toxic problem that’s been bubbling up for years. 

So let’s break down today’s most common workplace surveys, what they measure, and their strengths and limitations.

 

Engagement Surveys

Employee engagement has been a hot topic for several years now, so naturally it’s considered a best practice to measure it. The idea is that employees who are engaged, or feeling excited about their work, are more likely to go above and beyond (known as discretionary effort).

What they measure

Engagement surveys typically measure how emotionally invested employees are in their work and the organization. An engagement survey answers the question: How enthusiastic is our workforce?

Strengths

Engagement survey vendors are abundant and therefore it’s fairly easy to locate one in your price range. Many of them also provide benchmark data against industry standards, something many CEOs want to see. 

Limitations

Because engagement surveys don’t necessarily help you understand your culture or the organizational root causes of disengagement or dissatisfaction, the results are fairly narrow. Communication breakdowns, psychological safety issues, and toxic behaviors often go undetected in engagement surveys. An employee can absolutely be engaged or enthusiastic about their role while experiencing a toxic manager, feeling excluded and undervalued, or burned out due to workload. We’ve seen it many times.

Lessons learned

Don’t make the mistake of assuming that high engagement scores mean you have a great culture. High engagement scores mean you have high engagement, but that’s all they mean.

 

Great Place to Work® Survey

Employers use the Great Place to Work® survey to gain certification status for purposes of employer branding. No doubt, gaining acknowledgement as a great place to work can help with recruiting efforts.

What they measure

The Great Place to Work survey measures employee perceptions of the workplace across five core areas: Credibility, respect, fairness, pride, and camaraderie. This survey answers the question: Are we better than other organizations in a set of criteria defined by the people at Great Place to Work?

Strengths

Beating out other organizations for the title of Great Place to Work can be a great recruiting tool as it builds external credibility. Your results may also provide some general ideas on where improvements may be needed.

Limitations

This survey is designed to see how employers measure up against each other – it’s not designed to provide clear or specific insight on what needs to be better in your organization specifically. Employer branding is also an ongoing initiative that should have an action plan behind it, so don’t make the mistake of putting the logo on your careers website page without follow through.

Lessons learned

This survey just isn’t designed to uncover the deeper, systemic issues that might be holding your culture back. It’s also not customizable to your organization’s unique challenges. If you’re looking for information about your organization’s culture and what you can do to improve it, you need a different approach.

 

Climate Surveys

Despite all the talk about retention and employee experience these days, climate (or culture) surveys are totally underutilized. This is the most comprehensive type of survey when it comes to culture, as it will help an employer understand the employee experience and what they need to improve to make it a great one.

What they measure

Our climate survey assesses the overall work environment and company culture, including employee engagement and enthusiasm, effectiveness of internal communication, trust within teams and in leadership, feelings of inclusion and psychological safety, and satisfaction with job tasks and responsibilities. A climate survey answers the question: What are the strengths and weaknesses of our organization’s culture?

Strengths

This fully comprehensive survey provides a wealth of information about all sorts of things related to employee experience. While engagement surveys measure employee enthusiasm, this survey measures organizational factors like whether the organization itself is living its own core values, and whether the culture is in alignment with business goals. 

The data from this survey is rich and multifaceted, and will set you up to make long lasting real change. Ours is fully customizable, which is a fantastic pro if you’re looking for real information so you can make informed decisions about your next steps.

Limitations

There are far fewer vendors out there offering this type of survey, so it may be harder to locate one in your price point. Thankfully, you’re reading this so you’ve already overcome that hurdle.

Lessons learned

If your goal is to build and sustain a civil, respectful workplace, a climate survey is the comprehensive, trust-building tool you need. Unlike engagement or branding surveys, climate surveys offer a nuanced view of what’s really going on in your workplace so you can address and prevent toxic behaviors, improve inclusion, and cultivate a thriving culture.

 

Ready to Find Out if Your Workforce Survey Is Giving You the Information You Think It’s Giving You?

Our free guide, “Is Your Workforce Survey Working?”, walks you through the 7 must-have features your survey should include. It also includes a simple checklist to compare your current survey approach with best practices when it comes to measuring company culture.

Download it now and see how your current survey stacks up.

Your workplace culture isn’t a guessing game and your surveys shouldn’t be either. Whether you’re aiming to reduce turnover, address workplace bullying, or boost engagement, a climate survey for workplace culture provides the depth, accuracy, and trust-building foundation you need to succeed.

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