Catherine Mattice's Blog, page 20

Want to be an employer of choice?

Between generations having different expectations of work, COVID, #BLM, political divides, and everything else that’s come our way these last few years, the world of work has shifted dramatically. In short, people have seen the light – they know they can find a place of work that will pay them a better salary, give them more work/life balance, and align with their personal core values. It can’t be unseen. 

Therefore, it’s important you’re sending the right message to both current and potential employees about your organization. Company culture is your best defense against turnover and your greatest asset in recruiting and hiring.

Over the years, we’ve brainstormed a million different ways to ingrain culture into organizational systems, including recruiting and hiring. 

And, while we won’t have time to share every single amazing idea we’ve had (that’d be a long webinar!), we plan to provide you with some actionable strategies to implement in your organization. 

Join us next week on September 14th for the first installment of our FREE Culture Forward webinar series, Ingraining Company Culture into your Recruiting & Hiring Process. We’ll start at 11am PST and spend a full hour giving you everything we can in 60 mins.

Plus each webinar is worth one SHRM PDC!

See you there!

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3 Ways for Leaders to Engage with Frontline Staff

The new wave of employees entering the workforce has shown an increasing interest in building personal relationships with leadership. They want to know the person behind the leader making decisions that affect them. 

Though it may seem like another burden on top of the many things leaders are tasked with,  building relationships with frontline staff is an absolute necessity for creating a positive workplace culture. 

Leadership visibility creates a feeling of transparency and trust which in turn increases job satisfaction and employee engagement. 

In our line of work, we often work with a leadership team that is quite removed from the workforce. This creates a feeling of secrecy and takes a toll on morale and the work environment as a whole.

We’ve brainstormed a ton of ideas over the years with our clients to help bridge the gap between leadership and employees, so we thought we’d share a few with you:

Engage with staff in fun ways. One of our clients is launching a coffee cart for their employees and assigning people from the executive team to serve people for a couple hours. Imagine getting served a cappuccino by your CEO! Not only will employees get face time with key leadership, they’ll feel more valued by the organization. Put leadership and frontline staff on the same team. Organizations often include some sort of interactive game at events or icebreaker exercise in meetings. Why not put people in teams and mix up the hierarchy? It encourages bonding and creates a shared goal between leadership and employees. Plus, at the office the next day, employees will have something to talk about with the leadership team. Create a reverse mentorship program. A reverse mentor program provides opportunities for younger, less seasoned employees to provide their insight to those higher up in the organization. Not only does this foster new and innovative ideas that benefit the company, it also can help break the barrier between staff entering the workforce and those who are more established. 

A final piece of advice is to start the relationship building process when an employee is first onboarded. This is the time to send the message around how leadership interacts with staff – you want them to know leadership is on their side. 

We’ll be sharing a ton of ways to communicate company culture through your onboarding process on our upcoming free webinar, Using Your Employee Onboarding Program to Reinforce Company Culture. It’s on October 11th at 11am PST. 

It’s part of a Culture Forward webinar series we are hosting starting September 14th,  to share anything and everything we know about ingraining culture into organizational systems to attract and retain valuable staff. Plus, each webinar is worth one SHRM PDC! 

Click here to learn more about our other programs and, of course, register for any or all of them! 

We hope to see you there! 

 

Sincerely, 

Rebecca & The Civility Partners Team 

 

P.S. As a bonus for our folks in CA, we are offering a free California compliant Harassment Prevention Training as part of the series, to ensure your workforce is all up to date. 

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Join my interview with Gretchen Carlson and Julie Roginsky

We already know that being harassed or bullied takes a toll on one’s mental health. Research is very clear that targets can develop anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of PTSD. 

But what about the damage caused by the ensuing requirement to remain silent via an NDA? I’m aware of only one research article on this question, which you can find here if you’d like to read it.

I also don’t see much conversation out there about NDA’s and equity & inclusion. With employers everywhere claiming to be inclusive, I wonder how many of them would put their money where their mouth is when it comes to asking a target to sign an NDA.

This is why the conference I’m chairing for the International Association on Workplace Bullying & Harassment signed on Gretchen Carlson and Julie Roginsky. 

They’re going to tell us about their experiences and their plans to make change through Lift Our Voices, a nonprofit focused on the eradication of nondisclosure agreements for toxic work issues and mandatory arbitration clauses.

Join me in-person or virtually as I interview them about their experiences at FOX News and their NDA’s; and how they feel about their stories being told across the globe while they can’t confirm or deny that any of what’s told is true. (Bombshell is a recent example.) 

So join me and other attendees from around the globe! Get registered and get this event on your calendar.

If you don’t, you’ll miss out on 80+ presentations on such topics as:

Bullying and neurobiologyThe role of unionsOvercoming challenges in investigations“The problem” with workplace respect policiesCulture change with innovative new toolsModels for workplace reconciliation and restorationNew methods for coaching people who bullyAnd, so much more.

View the entire agenda here on the conference website, purchase your VIRTUAL or in-person registration here, and we’ll see you there.

All addresses, keynotes and presentations will be recorded; virtual attendees can attend live to participate in Q&A or watch the recordings on their own time. Virtual attendees will not have access to the workshops.

If you have any questions, please email me at Info@CivilityPartners.com. 

 

Sincerely,

Catherine & The Civility Partners Team

 

P.S. Are people in your network interested in these topics? Post the attachment on your social media and don’t let them miss out. Feel free to use the following text to make it easy:

Don’t miss out on the 80+ presentations focused on the theme, Re-imagining Ways to Research and Address Workplace Bullying and Harassment, at the International Assoc on Workplace Bullying & Harassment’s 13th conference. Attend in San Diego or virtually. http://tinyurl.com/IAWBH2022Conference

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Collaboration and Cooperation. What’s the difference?

Collaboration and cooperation are used interchangeably in the workplace, but should they be? What’s the difference between them? 

It turns out one is facilitated by managers and the organization, while the other is a personal choice (which can of course be influenced by managers and the organization). 

Collaboration is facilitated by management teams that support people working together for a common goal. There’s a shared purpose which elevates the organization’s core values.

When you embed a collaborative performance process in the culture of your workplace, for example, there’s room for the healthy free flow of ideas without the fear of being shot down. Production, innovation, employee satisfaction, engagement and more all increase.

 

When a company discourages collaboration, which we often find our client’s doing on accident, a toxic culture can show up. So here’s five tips for creating a culture of collaboration:

Create an environment where your employees can communicate openly and honestly. Allow them to be their authentic selves, to be vulnerable and empathetic – which means you have to be your authentic self, and be vulnerable and empathetic. Ensure transparency on all levels, from best practices and the sharing of information to organizational challenges. This includes being vulnerable as well, because it takes courage to be open about your own challenges with work, processes, or responsibilities. I always say to participants in my management training sessions that they’re probably only sharing 50% of what they should be, and everyone must get more comfortable at sharing way, way more information. Become a master of respectful giving and receiving of feedback. Collaboration and trust increase when you weave feedback into your workflow. Also, many managers and supervisors are very focused on giving their own feedback and not too great at receiving it. Feedback sessions should absolutely be two ways. (If you’re looking for strategies to help improve your skills, check out our trainings at this link.)Be intentional when providing resources to help your employees succeed, including technology and digital communication tools. According to a Harvard Business Review survey, 67% of workers said lack of effective communication lines is the greatest obstacle to collaboration.Create environments where employees can share ideas, visions, responsibilities and cooperation with teammates. When your employees feel engaged with the company values, there’s space for those crazy ideas to flow that just might work! Not sure if that’s happening in your workforce, we can help you by conducting a climate assessment.

Cooperation, however, lives in your people and it’s about being ready and willing to help one another for the shared benefit of the project and organization. For example, when your colleague is working on a task that’s dependent upon others’ tasks, it takes both parties completing their portion to get to the end result. Understanding the bigger picture supports healthy cooperation and everyone needs to understand the WHY of the task or project.

 

Here’s five tips for creating a culture of cooperation:

See all the tips above to ensure people can collaborate to achieve the end goal!Conduct frequent and ongoing check-ins with your employees and ask them what they need from you to be successful.Provide regular updates on tasks, projects and goals so everyone is on the same page with less miscommunication.Increase teamwork by conducting regular trust-building activities. This will deepen connections with your workforce and therefore support cooperation. When your employees know one another better, rapport is strengthened and they are more likely to ask for and give help. We suggest this little gem for lots of great ideas (that aren’t cheesy, promise).Celebrate company, team, and team member wins as often as possible. Create a culture that encourages and facilitates acknowledgment of accomplishments – it’ll inspire camaraderie and cooperation. 

When you understand the difference between collaboration and cooperation, and you understand your role in facilitating both within your team and organization, you’ll nurture a company culture that’s happy and thriving.

Don’t let confusion and murky workplace problems arise in your workplace!

Join us for a free webinar on September 27 to learn strategies for building a culture of collaboration through performance management. For more info, click here.

 

Sincerely,

Kathy & The Civility Partners Team

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The Secret to Being Happy by Staying at Home, your Heart

From our episode, “The Secret to Being Happy by Staying at Home, your Heart” with Pradeep Kumar Cheruvathoor

 

A couple years ago, my eight-year-old daughter made a kite at her school. She came home and she was running around the court flying her kite, and her little brother, who’s five years younger than him, wanted to have a kite, too. So all I did was take a piece of computer paper, punch a hole in it, attach a string on one end, and a ribbon on the other, so it looked like her kite. Obviously, it’s not going to fly, but he was just so happy to run after her and his little kite was just dragging on the ground, he was just happy as a clam.

Happiness is beyond all definitions. 

When we were children, we enjoyed our lives, whether we were breaking things or playing with other kids. We didn’t need anything to be happy. But as we grew up, we got conditioned to think that we would be happy if we got this job or if we made a billion dollars, and so all those counter-intuitive thought processes creeped into us as part of our cultural conditioning. The more we become aware of it, the better for us.

If we wait for things like, “I’ll be happy when I get this promotion, get this car, buy this house,” that actually hurts our happiness because we have all these expectations about how happy we’ll be and, they may not be met and then it actually drives down our happiness a little bit.

Happiness is never taken away from us. We are in control of our own happiness, and happiness is our own nature. So, the very act of looking for it when you’re already there takes it away from us.

There is no one-to-one correlation between happiness and what we’re desiring to try to achieve, what goes you’re creating in your mind. Our actual happiness is prior to that.

 

The secret to happiness

The more we understand the structure of happiness, the more it happens when we are in our peaceful state. We are happy, but when a desire comes, our energy jumps to a particular object or a particular state and tries to achieve it. And then, we come back to a natural state, and there is a kink in the graph of when the next desire comes. 

So during that time, we are by ourselves. We are happy. But we somehow correlate that happiness to the achievement of that particular object or desire, and then we get caught up in the illusion, whereas really it is sticking to that graph.

All our actions arise out of happiness. Whether it’s a single-celled organism or even highly evolved beings, they’re all searching for their own self, their own happiness, but unfortunately, the search is outside rather than inside. That’s the only challenge. 

 

Leveraging the power of silence 

Pradeep coached executives and he does it this way:

He goes into a deeper silence. Whatever problems they had just before they got into the silence, it’s all dissolved. It’s not solid. It’s no longer there because those thoughts have melted away, and then they’re able to see themselves more clearly from a corporate perspective.

They become more cohesive, more empathetic, and more helpful to each other without even saying every single word. Silence is like the mother from which all thoughts come, all languages, cultures, conditioning, every single word. That’s how powerful it is.

 

Achieving happiness in our personal lives

If you understand how we get conflicted, then that can open the door for happiness in the sense that we make it associated with our bodies. In reality, that’s just a label. We are the energy field in which everything exists. 

So, the more and more we become aware of that energy field, the less conflicted we are and the more we start to see it as part of ourselves. So, natural empathy arises. We start feeling that love, and not the love as we define it in so many words, but because of that oneness of experience that we start getting naturally. All the silos that are created by thought melt away and the solution is found.

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3 Employers Getting Employer Branding Right

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found that over 47 million employees left their positions last year – a record breaking number. Deemed the “Great Resignation”, this phenomenon has altered the way employers must attract and retain employees forever. 

In particular,  the Great Resignation highlights the importance of employer branding. Employer branding is how organizations portray themselves to the world around them including the community, clients, customers and potential employees.

Though some employees switched careers completely, many were simply looking for positions that fit better with their personal goals, needs, and values – such as jobs with greater work/life balance or that have less toxicity (see this article).

As job candidates do their research on your company, you face the challenge of exemplifying company culture and other attractive attributes to an external audience – that is, developing and maintaining your employer brand. Given the internet rules the world, it’s vital to have at least a webpage that showcases current employees; a clear organizational vision, mission and core values; and a sneak peak of what the company culture is really like. 

Of course, employer branding is much more than that, but this is a great place to start. To show you what I’m talking about, below are three organizations rocking the employer branding game. 

Hubspot 

It’s clear via Hubspot’s website that company culture is important to them. They have a dedicated career page with statements about the work environment and even took it a step further by developing a “Culture Code”. This 128 page culture code not only details the approach Hubspot takes to the work environment, it also sets expectations for current and future employees by acting as an employee handbook. Plus, the tagline at the top of the page reads “Let’s grow together” – who wouldn’t like that! 

Home Depot 

Did you know that they go above and beyond to meet the needs of employees? According to their website, “ From support for you, your family and your pets, to performance bonuses and discounts on things from cellphones to childcare, taking care of our people is a job we do well.”  Small statements dedicated to treating employees well and providing value go a long way. Plus, they showcase real employees on their website, which adds a ton of authenticity and insight into their hiring practices.

Netflix 

The first statement on Netflix’s careers page is “Our core philosophy is people over process.” It’s simple but impactful. From there you can go to a page dedicated entirely to their vision, mission, values and goals for the culture. Though the page is a bit lengthy, it does send the message that Netflix has put deep thought into defining how they want the work environment to be. Their page communicates autonomy, empowerment, and innovation, amongst other things. 

Once you’ve got your webpage up, follow through on your promises. This means ingraining company culture into your organizational systems so culture bleeds into everything you do. By doing so, you’ll increase engagement, productivity and retention. 

To help you on your journey, we’re hosting a Culture Forward webinar series. We’ll showcase all of our tips and tricks for creating an awesome company culture. The first webinar is on September 14th at 11am PST and we’ll focus on your recruiting and hiring strategy, which will of course include some employer branding tips. 

We’d love to see you there. Click here to register.

For now, start thinking about how you want potential – and current – employees to see your organization! 

 

Onward, 

Rebecca & The Civility Partners Team

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Sexual Harassment At Work: How To Recognize And Combat It

Sexual harassment in the workplace is a serious problem that can have a negative impact on employees’ morale, productivity, and overall job satisfaction. If you believe that you are being harassed at work, it is vital to take action to protect your rights and stop the harassment.

It’s not just teenagers who face the challenges of navigating relationships in the workplace: adults can face just as much difficulty when balancing personal and professional obligations. 

After all, plenty of people out there don’t want to date someone from work because they feel it compromises their professionalism or could create a complex environment for them or their colleagues.    

But in many cases, individuals fail to recognize sexual harassment when it’s happening right in front of them. So in any office setting, whether you are an intern, secretary, janitor, CEO, or something in between, sexual harassment needs to be identified and addressed immediately. 

It doesn’t matter how “innocent” an advance might seem. If it makes you uncomfortable and goes beyond what is accepted professional conduct at your workplace, you need to take action before the situation worsens. 

Here are some ways you can recognize sexual harassment at work and how you can fight against it.

 

What Is Sexual Harassment In The Workplace?

Sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual advances or comments in the workplace that make you feel uncomfortable and affect your ability to do your job. It can include inappropriate touching, being forced to view sexual images or videos, being propositioned for sex, being told sexual stories, being given sexual gifts, etc.

Sexual harassment can come from your boss, co-workers, clients, or anyone who influences your employment status. It can be in person, over the phone, or even online.

 

Types Of Sexual Harassment At Work

There are two types of sexual harassment at work: quid pro quo sexual harassment and hostile work environment sexual harassment.

Quid Pro Quo Sexual Harassment

Quid pro quo sexual harassment occurs when an employer or supervisor offers employment benefits in exchange for sexual favors.

Hostile Work Environment Sexual Harassment

Hostile work environment sexual harassment occurs when an employee is subject to unwelcome sexual advances, comments, or conduct that creates a hostile or offensive work environment.

Actions That Are Sexual Harassment In The Workplace

There are many different types of sexual harassment. Some examples include:

Sexual Comments

Everyone has heard a “harmless” off-color joke or sexual comment at work, but when it’s directed towards you and happens constantly, it becomes a form of sexual harassment.

This could include jokes about your sexual orientation, speculation about your past sexual partners, comments about your body, asking you if you’re single, etc.

Unwanted Sexual Advances

This is any unwanted sexual contact, including touching, kissing, etc. The sexual nature of the advance doesn’t necessarily have to be overt for it to be considered sexual harassment.

If you’ve made it clear (through words or actions) that you don’t want the advances, but they continue nonetheless, then it can be classified as sexual harassment.

Sexual Humor Or Display Of Sexually Explicit Materials

This includes pin-ups, pictures of people having sex, pictures of genitalia, or any other images that are sexual.

Expecting Sexual Favors As A Condition Of Employment

This would include the expectation that you go out on a date or have sex with someone in exchange for a promotion, a raise, or continued employment.

Sexual Harassment By Bullying

This happens when someone creates a hostile environment for you by teasing, taunting, stalking, or threatening you because of your sexuality.

 

Know The Signs Of Sexual Harassment At Work

Some signs that sexual harassment may be happening to you or someone else at work include:

Feelings of being uncomfortable and anxious in the work environment.Anxiety, fear, or depression caused by sexual comments or unwanted advances.Feeling like you have to avoid other employees in the office which affects job performance and mental health.Avoiding going to certain meetings because you know the person hosting will make sexual comments or jokes.Being afraid to report misconduct because you feel like you have no support.Feeling as though your career progress has been impeded or halted because of sexual advances.Strange or threatening emails, texts, or voicemails from a co-worker or client.How To Fight Sexual Harassment At Work

Sexual assault is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. First and foremost, you need to recognize the signs of sexual harassment in the workplace. If you are being sexually harassed at work or see someone else being sexually harassed, speak up about it.

The civil rights act of 1964 made sexual harassment in the workplace illegal, and there are laws in place to protect you from retaliation.

Your company should have a sexual harassment policy, which should be included in the employee handbook. This policy will outline what sexual harassment is and what the consequences are for engaging in it.

Make sure you familiarize yourself with this policy to know your rights and what to do if you experience sexual harassment at work.

Speak Up About It

No matter how big or small the incident may seem, you should report it to your manager or human resources department as soon as possible.

Take advantage of your company’s anonymous reporting services if you are unsure how to report what happened to you or feel intimidated or fearful of retaliation. You can also get in touch with an employee advocacy group like End Sexual Harassment to talk to someone who can walk you through the process.

If you see someone else being sexually harassed in the workplace, report it. You don’t want to see another employee’s career affected by a sexual harasser.

You want to ensure the victim gets the help they need to get out of that situation. You may also want to file a sexual harassment complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

Take Notes And Document Everything

As soon as you make a report, start taking notes on the events that are happening. Make sure you note the date and time of the event, then document what happened by writing out a detailed account of what occurred.

This can help when you’re meeting with your manager and HR to discuss what’s been happening. This also serves as a tool for seeking legal counsel and filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against your employer. Keep a log of communications you have with other employees, your manager, and human resources.

Take screenshots of any emails or texts that could be considered sexual harassment. You may need this as evidence if you decide to file a lawsuit.

Keep an eye on your health and well-being as you are dealing with the abuse. You may need to take some time off to take care of yourself.

Report What’s Happening To HR And Your Co-Workers

If someone is making sexually inappropriate comments or gestures toward you, you may think, “Well, I don’t want to make this situation worse by reporting it. I’ll ignore it and hope it goes away.”

But the reality is that sexual harassment is never a one-time thing. It tends to escalate if it’s not addressed.

It would be best to let your co-workers know this is happening to you.

If you see something happening to another employee, speak up about it. You may be the person who helps that person get the support they need to report the issue to HR.

You should report harassment in any form to HR, whether physical, verbal, or nonverbal. You may feel like you’re overreacting, but it’s important to remember that sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination.

Seek Legal Counsel And Take A Break

The federal law that prohibits sexual harassment in the workplace is called Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This law protects employees from discrimination based on sex, race, color, national origin, and religion.

There are some cases where sexual harassment is so severe that you may want to consider taking a break from your job. If you continue to be harassed and report it, but nothing is done, you may want to consider taking a break from your job.

Then, if you go back to work and the sexual harassment continues, you can go back to your lawyer and consider filing a lawsuit against the company.

Also, keep in mind that if the company you work for is found guilty of sexual harassment, you may be able to get financial compensation for your pain and suffering. A sexual harassment claim can be a long and challenging process, but if you have the evidence to back up your claim, you may be able to get the justice you deserve.

If you’re considering filing a sexual harassment lawsuit, consulting with an experienced sexual harassment lawyer who can help you through the process is essential.  

 

Bottom Line

Sexual harassment can happen in any workplace, and it can happen to anyone. It’s important to recognize and report sexual harassment when it happens so that it can be stopped.

Anyone who experiences sexual harassment in the workplace should know their rights and where they can get help.

Taking action to stop sexual harassment at work can be difficult, but it is essential to remember that you have rights, and some people can help you.

If you believe you are being sexually harassed at work, do not hesitate to take action to protect yourself and your rights.

 

Written by: Sarah Morris

The post Sexual Harassment At Work: How To Recognize And Combat It appeared first on Civility Partners.

Culture Forward Webinar Series 2022

At Civility Partners we eat, sleep and breathe company culture (it’s dramatic, but true). A positive work environment has endless benefits for employees, the organization, and even the community. We believe in making a respectful work culture a possibility for organizations around the world. 

We (that’s your workforce) spend the majority of our time at work, making it a vital part of how we see ourselves and our self-esteem.

Employees who are engaged and happy at work take that same energy into their homes and into the world around them.

Have you ever gone grocery shopping after a not-great day at work and realized you have no patience to navigate the frenzy of carts around you? Or maybe you had a frustrating interaction with your boss and vented about it to your significant other at home? These events alone may not have a huge impact, but over time they can take a toll.

Ensuring people are bringing positivity into their homes and the community is just one of the many reasons we are so passionate about what we do. 

And we know that the more nooks and crannies you can stuff your culture into, the more opportunities you have to create the positive work environment you seek. Systems like your recruiting, performance management and onboarding can have a big impact on how your employees experience the workplace, both positively and negatively. Your peer nominations for living the core values can only take you so far. 

So ,we’re offering a free webinar series to show you some of the ways you can incorporate company culture into your organizational systems! 

We’ll be hosting three free webinars to share everything we know about using your already established HR processes to influence organizational culture: 

September 14th: Ingraining Company Culture into Your Recruiting & Hiring ProcessSeptember 27th: Building a Culture of Collaboration Through Performance ManagementOctober 11th: Using Your New Hire Onboarding Program to Reinforce Company Culture

And, as an added bonus for you folks in California, we’ll be ending the series by offering a free Harassment Prevention Training for your workforce to make sure y’all are compliant!

Check out our registration page for full descriptions of each webinar. Register for one, or register for all!

 

Sincerely,

Catherine & the Civility Partners Team

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5 Dimensions of Company Culture

Company culture is like a flower garden. When you invest time and energy into nurturing the seeds, you’re bound to create a place where beautiful flowers will grow and thrive. 

You can also plant seeds and leave them to their own devices. You may grow some flowers, but you’ll also grow weeds that will likely take over.

Like the garden, company culture exists whether the organization is intentional about it or not. When organizations don’t make culture a part of their strategic initiatives, a negative culture can grow. 

Culture manifests through a multitude of things that go on in your organization. Through day-to-day interactions, processes, procedures and more, your cultural norms are established, and send  messages to employees on how they are expected to behave.  

Over the years of executing climate assessments and defining  company culture, we’ve found that culture can be broken down into five key dimensions, each with their own set of dichotomies: Job satisfaction, employee engagement, internal communication, inclusion and relationships. 

From manufacturing plants to hospitals to nonprofits and more, these five dimensions and their corresponding dichotomies are key to understanding your organization’s culture. 

Take a look at our list and mark where on each spectrum, or dichotomy, your organization falls. 

This exercise can tell you a lot about the team or company culture you’ve fostered, either intentionally or unintentionally. 

We also suggest taking the Five Dimensions of Culture to your team for discussion, as it provides some vernacular to lean on as you discuss culture and what it looks like in your team and organization as a whole.

And, use these buzzwords to communicate company culture in everything you do – recruiting, for example. Job candidates want to know what it’s like to work for you and how the culture can be described, and now you can deliver a clear and concise answer. After all, a 2022 Deloitte Global Gen Z and Millennial survey found that “Gen Zs and millennials are willing to turn down jobs and assignments which don’t align with their values.”

The more you ingrain company culture into everything you do, the more likely you’ll be to attract and retain employees that make your organization successful. 

Take the first step! 

 

Sincerely,

Rebecca & The Civility Partners Team

 

P.S. We’re hosting a free webinar series for all interested in taking their culture forward (we assume that’s you if you’re still reading).

The series will run from September 14th to October 24th, and all four topics are focused on incorporating company culture into every nook and cranny of your organization. Here’s the link to register for one or all of them! 

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BIFF at Work – The email method and the book

From our episode “ BIFF at Work – The email method and the book ” with Bill Eddy

“Why can’t we just act like adults?

I always think that adults aren’t really great at conflict; we’re not all that mature in dealing with our conflict. There would not be war, politicians, therapists, or lawyers if we were really great at acting like adults. So I always find that funny. Where there’s people, there’s drama.

10% of people may be high conflict who are really responsible for probably 90% of the conflict that really gets people’s attention, so it’s not everybody, but we all need to pay attention and manage ourselves well.

 

Characteristics and behavior of a high conflict personThey’re preoccupied with blaming They take zero responsibilityThey have unmanaged emotions They have extreme behaviors 

We do connect this to personality disorders that have been studied, and there are some statistics about them. 10.5% of adults have a personality disorder. Not all of them are high conflict because they don’t all have this preoccupation with blaming others. Narcissistic borderline, anti-social, and histrionic traits are often present in high conflict disputes and high conflict behavior. Whatever pattern of behavior they have, they’re stuck in it. It’s a narrow pattern. They keep repeating it.

Some people are more extreme. Some people may have traits like narcissism, but they don’t all have narcissistic personality disorder. 6% of the population does, according to the DSM-5-TR statistics, so if they’re less severe, then they’re more likely to change. Half the people make some change, half the people don’t, and they end up moving out of the organization or out of the position they’re in often.

 

Are bullying and high conflict individuals the same?

We don’t know the answer. Because my way or the highway is certainly something. I see a lot in my work, but they’re lacking that kind of extreme behavior most of the time. I do sometimes come across those extreme people where it’s like, “I can’t help you, I can’t coach you for change” versus others who are mortified that people view them with such high conflict and so abrasive.

Part of the reason they don’t change is because they don’t see what other people see. They lack this self-awareness of how they affect other people. So, when other people are upset with them, they go, “What’s wrong with you?” instead of going, “Oh, I’ll have to think about that,” and this is a key thing for healthy people. People without a personality disorder or high conflict personality are to ask two questions:

“What’s my part in this problem?”

”What can I do differently?” 

High conflict people don’t ask themselves these two questions, and bullies don’t ask themselves either. Bullies in many ways, because there’s a lot of overlap with bullies, do have some extreme behavior and they’re blamers, and that doesn’t work.

 

BIFF Method

It is how you address a communication issue with someone who’s not self-aware and to respond, especially in writing. You have time to think this through.

Respond in a way that’s brief, Informative, friendly, and firm.

Brief– It is usually no more than a paragraph. If they’ve written two or three letters telling you how horrible you are as a person, that’s what we call “blame speak,” and that’s about them, not about you. It’s their lack of restraint.Informative– Just focus on straight information. Not on defenses, arguments, emotions, and opinions.Friendly– Practice sounding nice, friendly, and understanding.Firm– You want to end the hostile conversation. So you don’t put any hooks out there. Give them accurate information and that would be a BIFF response.

You’re pouring cold water on the flames, and you feel good because you didn’t get down in the mud.

 

Questions to ask, respond, and answer before you send out communication

First of all, if you can show it to somebody else and have them help you think about it, and if you’re coaching somebody, ask them these questions. But if you don’t have anybody else around, just ask yourself.

Is it brief?Is it informative?Is it friendly? Is it firm?Does it have any advice? Does it have any admonishments? Do I need to apologize?How do you think the other person will respond to this? Is there anything that you would take out or change?Do you want to get someone else’s thoughts about it? 

So, if you’re coaching somebody, the first nine questions, you direct to the writer of the BIFF, and don’t give your opinion until question 10. 

 

EAR Statements

If you’re handling a short-tempered person in a conversation, use the EAR statements. Show empathy, attention, or respect. Any of these three tends to calm down an angry, hostile person in a conversation. Think of BIFF in writing, think of EAR statements if you’re in a conversation.

Empathy
Sentences that begin with, “I can understand, I can see how upsetting this is to you, or I can hear that you’re so disappointed in.” That shows that you’re treating them as an equal and you’re connecting with what they’re experiencing, but you’re not opening it up. When you’ve got hostile people, you don’t want to say, “Tell me everything I did that made you angry” because they’ll have to think of stuff and they’re going to keep in the negative. You don’t want to reinforce that.

Attention 

You might say, “Tell me more. I want to understand your point of view. ” Show them that you are paying attention to them.

Respect 

Say something like, “I respect the work you did last week,” “I really respect how well you did that,” or “I respect your commitment to solving this problem.” It has to be honest, to be true, and you’re trying to focus on the positive, not dig in for the negative, just acknowledge them with empathy, attention, or respect.

 

With the great resignation, it really is about toxic environments. People feel disrespected or they’ve just decided to finally take action. So just focus on being more empathetic.

It’s a much bigger world now. We’re very interconnected with close to nine billion people. The most aggressive people dominate on social media, on cable news, and in all of this, we’re seeing the bullies, the high-conflict people, kind of rise in a new culture.

We can’t have everybody saying anything. There really does need to be some standards, some empathy, some respect for each other. We have to rebuild that from the ground up because of these other influences that are coming at us so fast and we haven’t adapted.

Lean on your policies and have your regular conversations with them about what’s going on with their behavior and what you need from them to be different. We’re afraid of high-conflict people. It can be difficult to hold them accountable, but you’ve got to do it. The tools are simple. 

Emotions are contagious. If you can stay calm and stay positive, it’s hard for the people around you to stay negative. They get kind of swept up with the positivity, so everyone can do this. One person can turn things around into the positive.

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