C. Lynn Williams's Blog, page 35

Who’s Bag of Chips are Those?

Salt & sugar are just evil! The older I get, the more I realize my eating is tied to my emotions. It’s completely crazy. I am a healthy eater, work out regularly and yet realize how challenging it is to eat ONLY what is good for you. Here’s an example: diabetes runs in my family, hypertension too. I know this and changed my diet many years ago to eliminate meat and carbs like bread and potatoes. For years, I watched what I ate, and all was good. But as I have gotten older, my taste buds take over! I love French fries! See that’s what I mean. I can be minding my own business and a commercial with pizza or French fries comes on, and now I’m thinking about where I can go to get some, because there is nothing like that in my house! Yesterday, I worked out, ate fruit, salad for lunch, veggies & fish for dinner. On the way home from a meeting, my car drove itself to the local grocery store, so my wallet could buy a bag of potato chips. Yum! No! Yum!

Okay so today, the chips go in the garbage and I’ll start over. No TV commercials are going to make me purchase that delicious chocolate from Portillos. Once on the lips, forever on the lips. WHATEVER!

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

My Books: Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)

The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (soon to be released – 220 Communications)

It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White

Let’s take an honest look at an ugly topic – RACE. There I said it! Not just race itself, but what happens when we allow race to permeate our thoughts, feelings and our perceptions. Think about your son or, or if you’re younger and sans kids – your brother. Did it ever occur to you that your child (brother) is held responsible or labeled because of his race? Let me give you an example. When you are walking down the street and you see a black boy walking in your direction, do you a) Cross the street; b) Clutch your purse tightly or c) Continue walking without fear? Or, what would be your first thought if you heard that an altercation occurred between your child and another student? Would you assume it was the other child’s fault? How about if the other child was a black child? What would be your assumptions?

When my son was three years old, his daycare provider (a friendly, white woman) took care of him and several other kids, including her own. We lived in the same neighborhood and our older children attended school together. She was fanatical about cleanliness and that was okay because who wants their child in a pig sty. She loved her family and believed in God. Important points for me! We were off to a great relationship! At least that was what I thought. One day I after work, I picked up my son and she told me that he bit her son. What? Biting was not new to me because my son bit another child at the previous daycare provider. I was very concerned because biting is aggressive act and I needed to know what was going on in my young son’s mind that made him think biting was acceptable. My husband and I would address those concerns with him once we got home. What I wasn’t prepared for were the next words out of my daycare provider’s mouth. She said that he was an aggressive kid and that he would probably grow up and kill someone someday! WHAT?!? At the previous daycare provider, her toddler son (white) started the biting phenomenon and bit our son. I’m not sure if he was punished, but one thing I know, his mother did not decide that he was aggressive and would grow up and one day kill someone. As a matter of fact, she apologized for his behavior, kind of laughed and said “boys will be boys”.  Two different kids, same behavior was judged differently. The only difference is that one kid was black (African American) and one was white.

More recently I was talking about parenting to a business partner of mine who has three sons. Her sons go to predominantly white schools and the youngest tends to show his feelings (good or bad) though facial expressions. He has not learned the art of masking those feelings yet. In any case, her son’s teacher told him to stop doing something and he continued to do it. She told him a second time and he made a face and said okay. She wrote him up and called his mother. Okay! When my business partner asked her son why he didn’t stop when he was instructed, he told her he wasn’t ready to stop. He also told her that Johnnie (white) did the same thing but he was not told to stop. Now you can spin that anyway you like. Should both sons be admonished equally? Of course, but what is happening in many classrooms is that behavior is viewed differently and punishments, suspensions, and expulsions are more severe for children particularly boys of color. WHY IS THAT? And WHAT can we do about it?

Race may not be an issue in countries where people physically look the same. In those instances you are most likely judged by socio-economic standards like who your parents are and whether you have money or don’t. In this country, the United States, race is an out of control issue that is based in fear and needs to be addressed personally as well as societally.  In Michael Jackson’s song – Black or White, I have to say – it does matter if you’re black or white. You ARE judged by the color of your skin and not necessarily the content of your character. Isn’t that a shame…

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C. Lynn Williams

Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

Surviving Loss

One of my former students lost her mother yesterday. Her daughter, (also a former student) told me about it today and it took me back five years ago when I lost my own mother. My initial feels of numbness and grief, turned into days of feeling lost and disconnected. Then I could hardly put two thoughts together without being reduced to tears. Weird huh?

What was funny about my reaction after losing my mother was that my sister was closest to my mom; they talked regularly throughout the day, and were cooking and drinking buddies.  My mom and I talked daily but relied on each other in different ways. Being more private in my thoughts I didn’t feel the need to share everything with my mom. She taught me how to be resourceful, so I shared problems that I couldn’t figure out alone. Yet when I did share my secrets with her, I could count on her to keep them secret forever. Yes, we were mother & daughter, but we were also good friends, quite different from our relationship during my years as a teenager! Mom was my chief strategist in many ways. Her suggestions and ideas guided me through relationships, both work & personal, childrearing, and through all of my entrepreneurial pursuits. Mothers are a part of our lives in so many ways, is it possible to exist when that relationship comes to an end?

To read more about my thoughts (personal & parenting) about mother & daughter relationships, preorder a copy of my soon to be released book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!”…

C. Lynn Williams

Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

Good Girl Gone Bad?

As a writer, author & musician, I truly enjoy creativity in music, art and clothing. However as a mother, I frown when I see artists change their behavior to appear “cool”, “trendy”, or sell more of their products. This is what I believe happened with Miley Cyrus at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards. Miley, who started her career as a ‘good girl’, starring in wholesome movies and on the Disney Channel as Hannah Montana, decides she wants to change her image. I get that! She wants to stretch herself in her craft.

However when I watched her performance, twerking and barely clothed I was horrified. I know everything is about more sales these days, and I’m sure record sales went through the roof, at least for Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I. The song Blurred Lines is already quite controversial because while the beat is great, the music video shows young girls traipsing across the screen half-naked, and the song plagiarizes songs from two of my favorite music artists, one of them being Marvin Gaye. However sales aren’t everything, and it takes years to build a great image and repetition; while it only takes one performance to burn that image to the ground.

I digress… As a woman, I am always concerned when other women (or girls) feel that they have to remove their clothes, dance sexually suggestively or sell out to become successful. I’m concerned because if you’re good in your craft and you network, (and pray) the success will come, and it will come in a way that you can look in the mirror and not be disappointed in yourself. You will also have a career that you can share with your daughters, nieces and girls who want to be ‘just like you’ when they grow up. Miley – I’m talking to you young lady! Oh well, I guess I’m showing my age… If you’re interested, you can read more about my views on raising awesome daughters in my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! -  https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/

 

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

Where are You Putting Your Trash?

Please tell me What it is that makes a person drop trash out of a car or out of a window? No home training you say? I don’t believe it I answer

Is it that it is no longer a crime to “litter”? Maybe a $100 ticket would lessen these offenses? Or maybe as a child, when you dropped something on the floor at home, your mother picked it up for you, so you think the “street maid” will pick up your your stuff? In Chicago it’s an epidemic. Earlier this summer I watched a guy empty the trunk of his car and place the papers at the curb.

Being the assertive, Save-the-Earth person that I am, I marched out of my car and asked him why he was littering my neighborhood. He apologized and picked up his trash and placed it in the nearest garbage can. I’ve also found soiled diapers by the curb. Isn’t that what diaper bags are for?

Now if I can just catch those dog owners who allow their pets to defecate on my lawn without picking it up! Mayor Emanuel, we need enforcement of that littering law.

Just my ordinary thoughts

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C. Lynn Williams

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/

Waiting for Real Love

Do people fall in love anymore? With dating services like E Harmony, Match.com and Christian Mingles, do people marry for convenience, or do people actually wait for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right to come along? I remember a conversation that I had years ago with my aunt. She wasn’t happy with the man that I planned to marry, and in so many words, told me so! She preferred that I marry a doctor or lawyer to have “the finer things in life”. That would have been okay, except that I had to be in love with the man I planned to marry.

My girlfriend feels the same way too. Her very complicated life has recently gotten a lot simpler and she says if she ever marries again, it will be the kind of “hard to breathe”, “can’t sleep at night without thinking about him” kind of love. I mean face it, if you marry someone for money or looks, both could vanish overnight right? A couple in New York felt the same way and married each other 35 years after falling in love at first sight! Okay maybe I wouldn’t wait that long. Oh the power of true love!

Click here to read the article: http://tiny.cc/tsx41w                     

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach

My Books:

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)

The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – preorder starts Aug 23rd http://raisingyourdaughterpresale-esli.eventbrite.com/#!

Letting Your College Student Go…

Did you ever imagine that you would be putting forlorn messages on your social media sites like ‘We just dropped my daughter off to school and I can’t stop crying’ or ‘I drove my son to school today and we’ve talked twice since then.’? What is it about parting with your part teen/part adult child that reduces us moms to emotional blobs?I believe there is something very final about taking your son or daughter to college. Your mind tells you that you will see them again soon (probably at Homecoming), and yet at that very moment, your heart is breaking into tiny pieces. In spite of the arguments and minor irritations that we face with our college-bound kids, the fact is, things will never be the same again. Yes we know they will come home for winter and summer breaks, but it won’t feel quite the same, because you both will have changed.

The summer of 2003, we drove my daughter to college. It had been fraught with argument and irritations. We could barely tolerate each other! I could not believe how many shoes she was taking to a tiny dorm room, and why was it necessary to take both cars (both her dad and I drove down, each with a carload full of items)? As much as my daughter and I love each other, the weeks leading up to her departure were tortuous! Once we arrived at her dorm, we met her roommate and her roommate’s parents, helped her get settled in, attended parent orientation and then got on the road to return home. Of course I had plenty of time to replay our final words and felt quite foolish for arguing when I knew I would miss her terribly. I cried like a baby all the way home.

So mothers & dads, if this is your son or daughter’s first year at ‘school’, you have my permission to reminisce, shed a few tears or drink a much needed glass of wine. Salute!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)

The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – release date Aug 23rd

Parenting Rules revisited after Hannah Anderson kidnapping

“. . . let’s be honest. None of us is a perfect parent. I know I’m not. Like most parents, I’m trying my best to make good decisions for my children, and I’m doing so without an instruction manual.” Solomon Jones

While Mr. Jones could sit in a few of my workshops, it sounds like the Anderson family could too. Isn’t it always a close friend of the family that you & your children love and trust, that end up being the kidnapper or sexual predator? Who would have suspected nice Mr. DiMaggio of murder and kidnapping?

Parents follow your intuition, if someone is always available to drop off or pick up your kids from soccer or cheerleader practice, be careful. As my grandmother used to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. In other words, if someone wants to spend that much time with your children, BEWARE!

Click here to read the rest of the article:

http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/philadelphiaexperiment/item/58446

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru

Follow me on Twitter @cgwwbook

Does Music Influence My Teen?

Have you heard that song? You know the one that has the great beat? Have you heard the words? Yes they’re a little suggestive but the beat is really great! Wait a minute.. There’s a video too, except the girls are dancing & naked. The song I’m talking about is Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke. Catchy rhythm and melody, but I actually heard the words and it’s talking about convincing “good girls” to have sex.

As a mom, I don’t want my nice daughter being convinced by music lyrics or music videos to want sex! Moms are you listening to the lyrics that your teens are listening to? Remember how music puts you “in the mood”? Well sexually suggestive music is not the mood I want my teens in. How about you?

#MsParentguru

C. Lynn Williams

Moms: Take Time for You!

Like Sarah Hall, it took me a long time to realize just how important it was to take time for myself. 

Except for a brief period as a stay-at-home mom, I’ve been a full-time working mom, and now, a part-time work from home mom, albeit my youngest is 22. It is only now with everyone out of the nest, that I realize how much I really juggled. When the kids come home to visit (we have had weekly visits from one of the four kids since the summer began), I still drop everything and support them, either by cooking, making sure all that they need is there for them or being available to talk and run errands.

I love taking baths, but hadn’t taken one in months until Sunday, when the house was quiet, and nobody “called that magical name – Mom”.

“There’s a lot on my plate, juggling the lives and schedules of my girls, along with my own work and household responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day requirements. And it’s easy to think that that solo trip to the grocery store is actually “me time,” which is about all that I made time for a long time.” http://www.wral.com/parenting-tips-why-moms-need-to-take-time-for-themselves/12641055/

Take time for you! Get a manicure and a pedicure, go for a long walk or bike ride, take yourself to lunch, read a good book. Your psyche will appreciate it and you will have so much more to give to your children, because your emotional cup will be full as opposed to empty.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

 

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in August, 2013