David M. Brown's Blog, page 115

Excerpt: Secret Confessions of a Backpacker (Laura Watts)

Something a little different today: I'd like to give a very warm welcome to Laura Watts, author of Secret Confessions of a Backpacker.  Laura has kindly agreed to supply an intriguing extract and also talk about her new book.  I'd like to wish Laura every possible success with her writing and I hope you enjoy her post.[image error]

Excerpt: Secret Confessions of a Backpacker (Laura Watts)

I suppose some people might say January is the best time of year to go on holiday; you can escape returning to work after the Christmas festivities, and escape the gloomy mid-winter weather too. But I was about to embark on far more than just a holiday: I was about to go on the adventure of a lifetime. And better still, I was going to be accompanied my dearest friend, Julian.

Julian and I had been firm friends for many years'. We had met in high school, in second year to be exact, as the result of a carefully thought out seating plan. Only our French teacher didn't realise this plan would backfire on her, as we spent most lessons just talking. I think the logic behind such an arrangement was that if the teacher sat all the girls next to the boys, then conversation wouldn't exist. After all, at that age the girls didn't dare look at the boys, never mind talk to them. But this wasn't the case for us; Julian loved speaking to anyone, especially the girls as he was one himself. However, he didn't admit to being gay until he was seventeen, and I wasted three years' being hopelessly in love with him.

I fell in love with Julian for his cheeky chappy nature. He could do practically anything and get away with it. You couldn't stay mad with him for long, and he was always there for me too. In the summer, we would spend our evenings hanging out in the field near his house, and in the winter we cuddled up together watching films.

So here we were now, in the airport, waiting to see what adventures would come our way on the other side of the world.

'Do you think they'll have the weather reports right?' he asked me.

'I don't know,' I replied, 'but seeing as it's mid summer over there, the weather can't be that bad.'

Julian laughed, showing a set of fading white teeth, discoloured by endless years of smoking.

'I tell you one thing, Laura. I'm not looking forward to this flight at all. It will be hell going without a fag for fourteen hours.'

I smiled at him affectionately. 'Yeah well, just let me know when you want your nicotine patches changing.'

On this Sunday evening, I watched the watery sunset disappear and darkness gently envelope the sky. The airport was busy with travellers returning from luxury weekend breaks, dashing here and there, anxious to return home for an early night before heading to the office next morning.

Julian and I sat in a bar, away from the endless flow of people. Julian's second favourite thing to do, next to smoking, was drinking. And when I was with him, I was in a constant haze of boozy smelling smoke. Through this mist, I could just make out a clock on the opposite wall. It said 7.50 p.m., and seeing as our flight was at 8 p.m., I thought we had better head down to the departure gate. Julian, however, was in less of a hurry to move. He assured me we still had time for one more drink. I sighed as he walked over to the bar to get his last refill.

Although he had been my best friend since high school, I wasn't sure whether he'd also be my best travelling partner. After all, while it was true we got on well, it was also true we had little in common. Julian liked to booze and smoke, and play poker, and I was virtually T-total in comparison and liked to stay healthy.

As we boarded our plane, a real sense of excitement grew inside my stomach.

'Hey,' I said, suddenly. 'Aren't you really excited? I can't believe this is happening!'

'I know,' Julian replied, his bright eyes sparkling. 'Do you want the window seat?'

'No thanks,' I screwed up my face in disgust. 'You know how much I hate flying.'

Tuesday 8th January

The scorching heat hit us as we stepped off the plane. The pilot had said that it was 31 degrees outside … at 9 o'clock in the morning! After two and a half minutes in this enervating heat, my make-up was starting to slide.

'Ugh, it's going to be a long summer if it carries on like this,' I remarked to Julian. 'I'm not going to be able to go out if I look like a clown. Look at the state of my face!'

We made our way to the immigration queue. I was beginning to feel uneasy as I thought of all the stories I'd heard about people being turned away. I knew this was unlikely to happen to us, as we both had the official visas but I still felt on edge. The security staff took our passports and eyed us up and down before letting us go through.

We hailed a cab after spending what felt like an eternity at the carousel, waiting impatiently for our luggage. The taxi driver gave us some rather helpful advice on our way down into Sydney's city centre. He told us what the best attractions were and which areas to avoid at night. And that was when it hit me. We were going to be here for the next twelve months: we had to make it work.

As we pulled up outside our hotel in Kings Cross, Julian pulled $50 from his wallet and handed it to the driver. I stepped out of the car and heaved my bag up the never-ending block of steps to the reception's main entrance.

The hotel was capacious with an excellent air-conditioning system but all I wanted to do was find my room, unpack and have a much needed shower.

An hour later we were standing at the bus stop waiting for the city sightseeing tour. We were looking forward to seeing Sydney's main points of interest and we figured this would be the best way to do it. As we waited for the bus, I could feel the sweat seeping out from the pores around my neck, sticking my hair to my skin.

'I don't think you should have had your shower,' Julian smirked, as he spotted the droplets of sweat on my nose. 'I think it was a complete waste of time.'

'Tell me about it,' I growled, stepping onto the bus and climbing upstairs. 'Let's hope the breeze on the top deck will help dry me off.'

As we sailed down the main street of Sydney, we were keen not to miss a thing. I pointed my camera at everything, carelessly clicking away. We went past the harbour bridge, the opera house, and the Botanic gardens.

After spending our day sightseeing, we decided it would be a good idea to pick up some groceries for the next couple of days. Although we intended to treat the first couple of weeks as a holiday, we couldn't afford to eat out all the time. Restaurants and cafés were so expensive, and already I had spent $50 on food in just one day.

'So, where do you fancy shopping then?' Julian asked, looking at his travel guide for inspiration.

'I don't mind. Anywhere that's cheap. Otherwise if we continue to spend a fortune, I'll have to start taking my clothes off for money.'

Julian let out a guffaw of laughter at this statement, but little did I realise then how true it would become over the year ahead.

Thursday 10th January

'Here's an interesting fact for you, Jules.' I looked over the magazine I was reading.

'What?' he asked, mildly distracted as he applied suntan lotion to his already burnt skin.

'Energy is measured in kilojoules over here, not calories.'

Talking of calories, I had a feeling I was consuming far too many. The tops of my thighs were beginning to rub together, as a result of excessive walking. I hadn't realised I would be on my feet so much, but I guessed that came with the territory of being somewhere new; you wanted to explore the place as much as possible.

Julian smiled at me, flicking down the cap of the sun cream. 'Are you ready to go to the opera house now?'

It was mid-morning before we reached the eminent building. We wandered around it, watching the boats on the river. Then a sudden thought struck me. After we had done all the sightseeing, then how were we going to spend our time? We couldn't afford to stay in Sydney if we weren't working, as everywhere was so expensive. I suppose it didn't help that I felt so unmotivated. If there was anything we needed to find out I left it for Julian to do, as I couldn't be bothered.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't wish to be back home or anywhere else for that matter, but I think what overwhelmed me the most was the fact that everything in the city was so spread out. Back in Belfast, life had been so easy because the city was so small, getting around places was simple, but here you only had to walk to the next street and you were exhausted: it took half the day!

Travelling can be hard; it's not as romantic as some people may think. The reality of it is you're in a strange place, a long way from home. Everything is new to you and you know absolutely no one. Travelling is all about making the most of opportunities, and to do this you have to socialise as much as you can. Being vivacious is not what defines me: I have always been a bit on the misanthropic side and I am aware this is my major downfall. I can be quick to judge and rather opinionated, sometimes projecting these feelings onto other people and, therefore, concluding that we are all the same. And I know I'm hypocritical, as I don't like being judged myself, especially by those who know nothing about me, so that's why I prefer to keep myself to myself.

Another  thing that works to my disadvantage is that I look young for my age. People think just because I look innocent and vulnerable, they can play me for a fool. Trust me, folk don't mess with you half as much if you look tough and have a teardrop tattooed underneath your eye.

Friday 11th January

We'd been in this country a grand total of three days now and I had already visited a cash machine to check my account balance. I couldn't say exactly what it was that made me feel so perturbed, but I felt like I was going to run out of money in no time.

'Will you stop stressing,' Julian said to me later. 'We'll be fine.'

'We might be if we head out into the bush, skin rabbits and make fires,' I retorted defiantly. Julian's amused expression was irritating me.

He choked back on a giggle. 'I can't believe you're so worried. You've brought twice as much money as I have and look at me … I'm not worried at all.'

It was true: I couldn't deny that. I was cautious about spending money anyway. But now I was travelling and money was flying out of my account in all directions. There wasn't anything I could do about it either, not unless I wanted to return home; I would have to keep on spending. Julian, on the other hand, was spending like there was no tomorrow. He was still in holiday mode; it hadn't dawned on him yet that we would be here for a longer than two weeks. Anyway, I thought, as I tried to comfort myself, it's better to be frugal about things than to blow your whole bank balance within one month.

We spent the afternoon hunting for alternative accommodation. The hotel we were currently staying in was nice for a couple of nights, but it was way above even Julian's budget to stay there long-term.

'Okay, so here's what I've found so far,' he beckoned me over as he scrolled down the page. We were in Sydney's main library as I'd suggested the Internet access would be free.

'So there's a couple of decent looking hostels' around here then?' I looked at what had appeared on the screen in front of me.

'Yeah, there seem to be. Look at this one. It's right in the city centre with a roof-top swimming pool and it's only $35 a night.'

My eyes nearly popped when I heard this information. All things considered, it sounded fantastic.

'So do you want me to book a few nights there then?' Julian asked.

'Yeah. I'll have to dig out my bikini,' I smiled.

Saturday 12th January

Today's first challenge was going to be tough and character-building, I thought to myself as I surveyed the endless blue skies and the sunburned skin of the people around me.

We had to leave King's Cross and head for central Sydney to check into our new hostel. It was a long trek there I had to admit, but I refused point-blank to call a taxi: I thought it would simply cost too much. After ninety minutes of walking we arrived at the hotspot hostel. It was more like a five star hotel than anything else, with everything a traveller could possibly need. The Internet café was on the first floor along with the restaurant. The spacious kitchen and the television area were on the second floor. The swimming pool was on the roof, as previously mentioned, complete with a sauna and a BBQ area. The hostel was great but I wished our room could have been bigger. I squeezed in through the tiny dormitory door and looked round for a place to put my bag. Six enormous bunk beds took up the entire room. The ceiling was so low, anyone sleeping in a top bunk had to watch they didn't bang their head getting up. A horrible sinking feeling descended over me; were these the conditions I would have to get used to over the coming year? I quickly realised this was the norm in the backpacker circuit. Most travellers were only looking for a cheap place to stay and this is what you paid for.

We spent most of the day just settling into our new digs. The hostel seemed to be full, the building overflowed with people milling about here and there, but no one seemed very friendly. Everyone was either alone or in pairs.

I flopped down in a chair and waited for Julian to return after having his fag outside. There was a surfer dude sat in the chair opposite me, but at first I didn't really notice him, as he was engrossed in his Lonely Planet travel guide. I watched him intently for five minutes before he looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back, wondering whether he would initiate conversation.

'You have a very nice smile,' he eventually said, putting down his book. He shook my hand, introducing himself almost in a formal manner. He too was from the south-east of England, and he spoke endlessly of wanting to join the police force when he returned home. He was a nice enough guy, but there was something about him that I didn't quite like. He ended up telling me he had a high success rate when it came to pulling women. I don't know whether that line was supposed to make me want to fall into bed with him, but it failed miserably. I tried so hard not to laugh at his pathetic chat-up lines, but I couldn't stifle my giggles so I made my excuses and left.

Sunday 13th January

I spent the morning alone to reflect upon the night before.

My life seemed to revolve around meeting two types of men: those who would try almost anything to get me into bed; and those who I found irresistibly attractive in every possible sense.

The Boy from Belfast opened up every emotion, every sense in my entire being, and in my eyes, he was absolutely flawless. I met him on a night out in a bar in Ireland, listening to a live jazz band. He had struck up a friendly conversation and I became instantly hooked, fixated on his divine Northern Irish accent. He was warm and gentle, kind and considerate: I was in awe of him.

So you can imagine how heartbroken I was when he told me, a couple of weeks later, he'd rather just be friends. We had shared some pretty intense conversations before then and opened up to each other almost instantly. He told me he didn't want to get close to someone in case he got irreversibly hurt, and that explanation was something I admired most about him. It took strength of character and a whole lot of courage to tell someone the truth, especially when it might not make you look or feel good. The vulnerability on his face as he told me this, just made me want him all the more.

A loud knock on my dormitory door disturbed my thoughts. I took a quick look in the eye hole to see Julian standing there.

'Hi, Laura,' he said with a lovesick expression on his face. 'Are you coming out with me and Steve this afternoon?'

Steve was another traveller Julian had met the previous night while I was being chatted up by the surfer dude. Despite knowing him for less than twenty-four hours, Julian seemed keen to spend as much time with him as possible.

'Yeah sure,' I replied, 'I'll just get my bag.'

I locked my dormitory door before we headed down the hostel's corridor. 'So how's it going with Steve then?'

'Pretty well thanks,' Julian replied, 'Although I'm still not sure whether he is gay or not.'

I laughed. 'Well, if he is, you'll be in there like a shot.'

We knocked on Steve's door, waited a while for him to find his wallet and then headed off towards the harbour bridge. Standing by the water's edge, I felt at ease with our surroundings.

'We'll have to climb that one day,' Julian remarked. For a split second, I thought I'd misheard him.

'You what?' I spluttered, feeling a rising panic. 'You're joking aren't you? People don't climb that, surely?' I stared at the bridge; it suddenly appeared a lot bigger now. Julian looked at me, his face full of eagerness. I still thought he was having me on, that this was just another one of his impetuous ideas. 'You really want to do this?'

He nodded. 'Why not, Laura? It's entirely safe. You're attached to the bridge by a safety rope at all times.'

I sighed, looking straight up at Steve. He was grinning from ear to ear, no doubt highly amused by my facial expression.

'Don't look at me,' he said, 'I can't do it, I'm off up the east coast in a few days' time.'

I sighed again, this time turning to face Julian. 'Looks like I have no choice then, does it?' I fished out a wad of notes from my bag. 'Go and book it before I change my mind.' With that, I sealed my fate: the climb was booked for Tuesday.

Monday 14th January

As the first week drew to an end, I'd become very comfortable in Sydney. I'd had Jules with me for almost the entire time and I was beginning to get used to the constant company.

As an only child, I always had my own thoughts and ideas, so I never needed anyone else to get through life. Most of the time I couldn't rely on people to be there anyway, so when I had gone to Belfast alone, it didn't bother me. In fact, I relished it and had an amazing time over there. There are pros and cons to every situation and being on your own means you can be entirely selfish: no one else's needs come into consideration.

However, it can be lonely at times and company is nice when you can find it. So, just when I had got used to Julian's company, he announced that he wanted to spend the entire day with Steve.

'It's his last day in Sydney,' he sighed, 'and then I'll probably never see him again, unless we meet up together later on.'

I frowned, struggling to see why he was so bothered at this early stage. 'Okay, but do you really care?' I sat up from my supine position on my bed. I'd been enjoying a rare lie-in when Julian disturbed me.

'Of course I do; I can't believe I've met someone so special this soon.'

I gave a wide-eyed look of shock, suddenly alarmed at how carried away he was getting. 'But you've only known him a day!'

'Two days,' he said, defiantly. 'And I really like him too.'

'But you've only just found out he's gay and already you're dreaming of your first flat together!'

Julian looked hurt by my stentorian tone but I didn't feel the need to start apologising now. I was only trying to look out for him; I just didn't want him to waste his entire Australian experience on this one guy.

Tuesday 15th January

Planned to have a restful day today in preparation for the big climb that hung over my head like, well … a … bridge.

We booked our first day trip out of the city to the Blue Mountains that morning, and then I tried not to spend the rest of the day thinking about what I would be doing at 6 p.m.

It wasn't that I didn't want to do anything exciting with my time here in Australia: I did. I wanted to have plenty of adventures; I just didn't see climbing that bridge as much of an adventure, that's all. For someone who loathed heights and even hated climbing the stairs, I just knew I wasn't going to enjoy it.

Julian was ebullient when the time came, but I was definitely less enthusiastic. We signed the forms to say we weren't prone to fainting fits or had any history of sudden heart failure. As I checked off the boxes to say I was in optimum health, I couldn't help but think this climb would be more strenuous than previously thought. After all, we were about to go up the main feature of Sydney's skyline.

We waited nervously in the changing room for our guide to present us with our safety equipment and suits. He helped us to click on the belts that would attach us to the bridge at all times. Once we had put on our boots, he made one last safety check before letting us out on to the platform that overlooked the bridge. I was first in line, right behind the guide. I think he placed me there just in case I froze half-way up the ladders. If that was the case then I couldn't get left behind.

'Okay, can you all hear me?' he bellowed, looking towards the people at the back of our group. He clearly wanted everyone's full attention. 'As you can see from here, there are a series of ladders to climb, followed by more platforms and so on.' He looked at my pasty face, 'Are you okay? You've gone pale.'

I nodded, desperately hoping my vertigo wouldn't kick in half way up. I would be mortified if I did actually faint, especially after signing that disclaimer. My guide looked me up and down; I wasn't sure whether he believed me.

'She's fine,' Julian chirped, 'aren't you, Laura?'

I forced a weak smile. The blood was pumping so much around my ears I could barely hear them.

'Alright then,' he replied, still looking hard at me. 'If  everyone's okay, we'll get going.'

Climbing the ladders wasn't so bad after all. They were only short with railings either side so I had something firm to hold on to. As long as I didn't have to look down I was fine. I wasn't that bothered about going up anyway, it was the coming down that worried me more.

It was windy when we neared the top and I was almost blown off the final ladder. We stepped out on to the top of the bridge and surveyed the amazing sight, before posing for a photo to prove we had completed the climb.

Heading down, there seemed to be twice as many steps as there were coming up, but I felt proud that I had managed to conquer the challenge.

Wednesday 16th January

I looked out of my dormitory window at 8.30 a.m. Thanks to my early night I had awoken refreshed, alert and ready for more adventures. Positive feelings raced through my veins; I couldn't wait to start the day. The only downfall to the situation was the weather. I looked up into the sky and watched the rain fall hard. Raindrops hit the ground with such force they bounced back six inches into the air. The oncoming clouds only seemed darker than the ones overhead, and there were no signs of things improving, so I decided to spend my day by the pool. A place where I could get just as wet and have twice as much fun.

On the roof, I felt fantastic. I had hated climbing that blasted bridge yesterday, but I had managed to do it and I was so glad I did. The experience had given me a real sense of achievement and a massive confidence boost.

It was fairly busy by the pool; it seemed that everyone else had the same idea as me. I got into the water and swam around for a while. It felt strange to be doing something active and not sweating as a result. I hated how sometimes you only had to step outside for five minutes before you needed another shower. Perspiring could also make you feel so unattractive; no self-respecting person would want to be seen with anyone who had a face like a mirror and a body so sticky it felt like treacle.

As I was just about to push back off the wall to do another fifty lengths, I noticed someone watching me. He was by the BBQ area wearing some very tight speedo shorts. His body was incredibly lean and muscular, and he had a very distinct face. I smiled at him and he returned it. I turned away and started to swim, but I could still feel his eyes on me. I didn't want to start staring; that would have been too obvious so I paused against the wall again. He saw my subtle sign and came over but instead of approaching me, he walked over to the other side of the pool and made a clean, crisp dive into the water. I was shocked by how professional the manoeuvre looked and then I was even more surprised when I felt a pair of hands grab my ankles.

He shot to the surface and laughed when he saw how taken aback I looked.

'That was quite an entrance. Don't you know how to enter a swimming pool normally?' I gasped, desperately trying to regain my composure. He looked a little puzzled and I wondered just how much of my language he understood; he didn't look particularly English.

'You have a very nice tattoo,' he said in an accent I couldn't quite place. He traced the outline with a finger that was feather-light. I shivered as I looked down at his hand on my arm.

'What exactly does it mean?'

'It's Mandarin for bravery,' I smiled, brushing away a stray piece of hair from my forehead. I was suddenly beginning to feel breathless.

'Ah, I see. You're brave?'

My heart was starting to pound now, as I couldn't believe he was talking to me. I didn't know whether it was my imagination working overtime, but his fiery eyes seemed permanently fixed onto mine. I gave him a coy smile. 'Well yes, I'd like to think so. I climbed the harbour bridge yesterday.'

He nodded as if to tell me he understood this time. Looking straight at me, I could almost hear the air between us crackle with electricity.

'Where are you from?' I enquired.

'The Pyrenees.'

So that explained the strange, foreign accent. No wonder he looked so unique; he was a mixture of French and Spanish with whatever else thrown in.

He spoke of his job as a paramedic: how a career like that taught you the true value of life. I listened intently to his tales, admiring him as a person for being able to cope with a position like that. As Tom continued to talk, he revealed himself as a true free spirit. He had so much personality, I couldn't help but feel drawn to him. He told me I was rich, as I had so much time left in my life (hopefully) and that's what made me so wealthy. I smiled broadly at that analogy: it was a good way to put things. He definitely seemed to be my sort of person.

'Come and join me in the sauna,' he said as he climbed out of the pool, the chlorinated water shimmered on his body. As I followed I couldn't help staring at his perfectly toned body, a body more suited to a stripper than a paramedic.

After forty minutes in the sauna, steaming, Tom suddenly got up and left. I stayed put for the next ten minutes, expecting him to come back any second but he never did, and when I went back into the pool area he was gone. Perplexed, I looked round for a while. We'd just spent the last five hours together and then he had left without a word. His enigmatic nature left me wanting more.

Find out more:

L.K. Watts:     http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/lkwatts

Blog:  http://lkwattsconfessions.blogspot.com 

 

To purchase book: 

Smashwords  http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/54060

Amazon.co.uk  http://amzn.to/lL0Cjj

Amazon.com  http://amzn.to/mnaL1Q

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Film Review #76: Beowulf

With prices for cinema tickets now reaching ridiculous heights it's not often I will treat myself to a new release unless it's something I simply cannot wait for. Instead, I'm happy to content myself with a cheap DVD or a film on TV which may have slipped through my critical net and, believe me, there have been far too many. Whether the films featured here are recent or old I'll still be providing my honest opinion on them and, with the benefit of hindsight in many cases, may offer a slightly different take to contemporary reviewers.

 

Beowulf (2007)

I began writing fiction after being inspired by both the Final Fantasy games and in particular Norse mythology which I consider superior to the Greek legends. During my reading I wandered over to the Anglo-Saxon poem Beowulf which I found to be remarkable given its age, said to have been written between the 8th and 11th centuries, so a good thousand years old! When I heard Robert Zemeckis was making a film based on the poem I was naturally intrigued but at the same time concerned the Anglo-Saxon masterpiece would not be given the justice it deserved.

The original poem told the story of a Geat named Beowulf who travelled to Heorot, the great hall where the Danish king, Hrothgar, reigned. The Danes were being terrorised by a monster named Grendel which Beowulf killed but then faced Grendel's vengeful mother. After slaying both mother and son, Beowulf returned home where he later became King of the Geats. In old age a dragon attacked Beowulf's kingdom leaving the king to fight once more. After struggling to defeat the dragon, all of Beowulf's men abandoned him save one, Wiglaf, who supported the king and helped him kill the dragon only for Beowulf to be mortally wounded and buried with the highest of honours. The original poem is brilliant in its simplicity and makes for engaging reading, but Hollywood has changed a few things with the film adaptation.

King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) is celebrating with his men in the mead hall, Heorot, when they are attacked by Grendel (Crispin Glover) whose ears are extremely sensitive to all the revelry. Despite killing many of the men, Grendel does not touch Hrothgar but returns to his mother (Angelina Jolie). Hrothgar beseeches a brave warrior to come to his kingdom and kill Grendel and that warrior is of course Beowulf (Ray Winstone) whose force of Geats are as formidable as they are keen to cheat on their wives with the loose women in Hrothgar's kingdom. Only Beowulf's closest friend Wiglaf (Brendan Gleeson) seems to remain focussed given the danger that the men are about to face. When Beowulf defeats and mortally wounds Grendel he must next face the vengeful mother who appears in the form of Angelina Jolie as opposed to a fierce monster as in the poem. Grendel's mother offers Beowulf riches, fame and longevity in exchange for a son but does the brave warrior comply?

Using motion capture, Zemeckis delivers an animated film with Ray Winstone's Beowulf reminding me more of Sean Bean. As impressive as the visuals are my first issue with the film was deciding to film it in this way. Animation works fine for something like Shrek and Toy Story, but it just didn't seem appropriate for this particular story. Of course Grendel and his mother would have required impressive visuals to bring them to life but it's a pity we don't get to see the likes of Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn and John Malkovich in person. The visuals are only at their best when it comes to the combat but the rest of the time I found myself wishing Zemeckis had opted to film this differently.

The film retains the essence of the Anglo-Saxon poem but there have been a few changes. In the early stages a romance is hinted between Beowulf and Hrothgar's Queen Wealtheow who is more drawn towards the heroic warrior than her impatient husband's bed. Beowulf defeats Grendel in the same manner as the poem, stripping naked and using his bare hands to ensure a fair fight. The meeting with Grendel's mother is where things take a different turn. In the poem Beowulf fought her with the sword, Hrunting, and was dragged underwater for a fierce contest but in the film Grendel's mother manages to seduce the warrior into having a child with her and promising him he will rule over the Danes as their king. Beowulf accepts the terms of course after being faced with a naked and animated replica of Angelina Jolie. On his return to Heorot, Hrothgar soon dies and Beowulf does become king with Wealtheow as his queen but that's as far as the romance goes between them. Following the poem as it traces Beowulf into old age, the film keeps him as king of the Danes and finds his kingdom terrorised by a dragon, the son he has had with Grendel's mother. In old age Beowulf's love for Wealtheow has gone stale with him finding solace in the arms of a young mistress while his friend Wiglaf is all that remains of the Geats that initially arrived to slay Grendel. True to the poem the film sees Beowulf face another epic battle in old age but there is still the problem of Grendel's mother to contend with as well.

I really wanted to like Beowulf but in the end I found it a weak adaptation of the poem. I'm puzzled why it had to change the events of the poem but the reason for a nude Angelina Jolie, albeit an animated one, doesn't need explaining, it's quite clear why and who that was included for! Up until the seduction of Beowulf I felt the film was following the poem rather well but it couldn't resist this change. The poem was dramatic enough as it was without this amendment and the crowning of Beowulf as King of the Danes seemed a desperate orchestration for him to be with Wealtheow even though that is never explored in the end and only turns raw from Beowulf's infidelities. The poem was tragic in its concluding segment with an ageing Beowulf betrayed by his cowardly men, save Wiglaf, who risked everything to fight side by side with his king to the end. Though the battle sequences are quite impressive I found myself disappointed that Beowulf was filmed in this fashion and that Hollywood had added a touch of its glamour to what was already a perfectly good story.

Beowulf will attract more interest from younger audiences than the Anglo-Saxon poem will, in fact I'm sure some people won't even know it's based on a poem! This had all the potential to be a great film but a combination of the way its filmed and the changes to the storyline to sex it up a bit were completely unnecessary and disappointing. I would recommend reading the poem rather than watching this film and though many may not think much to it, always consider how old it is and you'll appreciate it a lot more than this poor imitation.

Verdict: 3/10

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Dave's Jukebox #10: Cats in the Cradle

Many of us at some stage will have had that hypothetical question about if you were stuck on a desert island what would you take with you. In a similar vein I will be sharing all the songs that I would put in my own personal jukebox, not necessarily to take to a desert island, you understand, but just the many songs that would make me sad should I never hear them again. In order to make things a little interesting I'm going to permit myself just one song from each group or singer, which will be something of a test but one I'll embrace. I hope you enjoy some of my choices and would be intrigued to hear selections from your own personal jukebox, these days MP3s or Ipods, but I'm sure you'll forgive me on this occasion.

Ugly Kid Joe – Cats in the Cradle (1993)

Released in the UK in March 1993 Ugly Kid Joe's cover of Harry Chapin's 1974 hit reached #7 in the charts and for me narrowly pips the memorable Everything About You as the group's best song. The song has a timeless but poignant message in its tale of the developing relationship between a father and son and the music video that accompanies it resonates just as powerfully as the lyrics.

The song begins with a father telling the story of his son's birth but how the necessity of work means he spends little time with him. As the boy grows up he asks his father for some of his time but the father is always too busy. Despite the setback the boy continually walks away insisting he'll be just like his father one day. When the son is graduating from college his father is the one asking for time with his son, but he simply gets a response that his son wants to borrow the car keys. By the end of the song the father is now old and contacts his son requesting to see him but the son informs his father he has work and family commitments that are taking up all his time. The role reversal between the two men is now complete and the father is left to reflect that his son has indeed become the same man as him. This is a beautifully written song, carrying a heartfelt and important message and it just happens to be a very good cover version as well.

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Film Review #75: Splinter

With prices for cinema tickets now reaching ridiculous heights it's not often I will treat myself to a new release unless it's something I simply cannot wait for. Instead, I'm happy to content myself with a cheap DVD or a film on TV which may have slipped through my critical net and, believe me, there have been far too many. Whether the films featured here are recent or old I'll still be providing my honest opinion on them and, with the benefit of hindsight in many cases, may offer a slightly different take to contemporary reviewers.

 

Splinter (2008)

Most of us will have had a splinter in our finger at some point. I distinctly recall an incident as a child when I thought it would be a good idea to run my hands down a wooden fence. A splinter followed a nanosecond later but I never had any problem removing them even though my fingers never look pretty afterwards. Toby Wilkins' horror film Splinter takes that splinter in the finger tale that has afflicted all of us but manifests it as a ruthless parasite that stalks its pray and once snared makes it a part of them, but is it any good?

The film opens with a gas attendant (Charles Baker) being attacked by what looks like a rabid animal. We don't witness the attendant's demise but given his screams and the swift handiwork of the creature it's clear he doesn't fare so well from the encounter. The film quickly switches to couple Seth (Paulo Costanzo) and Polly (Jill Wagner) who are on a camping trip and looking forward to a spot of romance under the stars until Seth's appalling attempts at putting up the tent leave it in tatters. Resorting to a hotel, the couple are driving along the isolated country roads when they are stopped by escaped convict Dennis (Shea Whigham) and his drug addict girlfriend Lacey (Rachel Kerbs). Polly is forced to drive the couple at gunpoint but they come to a stop when they run over a small creature in the road. While Polly and Dennis change the tyre which is covered in splinters, Lacey has Seth inspect the carcass which lashes out at them despite looking dead on approach. The quartet drive to a nearby gas station when the car's engine begins to overheat and find it seemingly deserted until Lacey heads for the toilets and finds the twitching body of the gas attendant, mutilated and covered in splinters. Lacey is killed leaving Seth, Polly and Dennis to take refuge in the gas station. While the infected attendant comes to rest on the steaming engine of the car, Lacey's body begins to come to life and stalk the remaining trio.

Described as a cross between Deliverance and The Thing, my initial thoughts on Splinter were reservations that it wouldn't be particularly good. Truth be told this isn't a bad film but at the same time it's not a great one either. It progresses quickly once we've cleared a bit of romantic chat between Seth and Polly. Dennis is your typical ruthless convict but rather than just being a criminal on the run he has a secret purpose, one that turns out to be quite poignant when we learn about it towards the end of the film. Lacey is a deeply troubled girl, devastated by drug addiction and increasingly paranoid. Her initial warnings about the splintered monster that comes to terrorise the group are dismissed as hallucinations by Dennis as a result of her drug taking but once Lacey has been killed there is no denying the group are in serious danger.

Having the gas station as the primary setting for the majority of the film was a brave move and thankfully it doesn't feel a stretch too far. Not only do the group have to contend with the infected Lacey banging against the windows they face an even greater challenge on discovering severed pieces of the monster spring to life and continue the pursuit. An added twist to the story comes at the very start when Dennis and Lacey have taken Seth and Polly hostage. After running over an infected animal, Dennis takes the lead in changing the tyre but immediately recoils, his finger having been splintered! Though it's gradual, Dennis' hand then arm slowly become infected and takes on a life of its own. Seth, who is something of a scientist, decides to take desperate action to help Dennis and it's the moment in the film that will make you cringe the most. Less Deliverance, Splinter is more akin to The Thing with the monster killing an unsuspecting police officer that shows up at the station by splitting her in two before combining with her to create a larger, more imposing enemy. Seth, Polly and Dennis are left in a precarious position but as is often the case with these sort of films the monster has a weakness that the group can exploit.

Splinter has some gruesome moments and the effects are surprisingly good. It does feel a bit limited with the one setting but with the film not being especially long this doesn't pose too much of a problem to be honest. Melodrama takes over slightly towards the end though the revelation of what motivates Dennis on his journey is rather heartfelt, it's just what follows that is a little corny. Splinter won't win any awards as the greatest horror film of all time but it has enough gore and tension to make it worth a look though I didn't find it particularly scary. The film's concluding segment is very easy to predict as well and leaves the audience in no doubt that further instalments are surely being considered.

Splinter is one of the better horror films I've seen of late and believe me I've seen some atrocious ones. Drawing heavily on The Thing, Splinter has retained that essence of fear brought on by isolation and an unrelenting parasite waiting around the corner. Though not a film to instil much fear in the audience, there are still plenty of gory moments that make this worth a look and pray you never get a splinter in your finger again.

Verdict: 6½/10

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Game Review #28: Virtual Villagers: Double Pack

In 2009 I began working with Mrs B on her website www.femalegamers.co.uk reviewing the latest console games. Sadly, our other commitments meant the website couldn't continue and we brought it to an end early in 2010. I'll be using this blog to review all the games, recent and not so recent, that I encounter. With Mrs B's kind permission, I'll also be posting some of the reviews I previously worked on, so don't panic if they refer to previous years and months.

Virtual Villagers Double Pack (2010) (PC)

Those that enjoy tales of castaways on desert islands or building their own communities will find a safe haven with the Virtual Villagers Double Pack. This set includes the first two games in this highly addictive series – Virtual Villagers: A New Home (2006) and Virtual Villagers: The Lost Children (2007). Here at FemaleGamers.co.uk we split the pack and each headed for our own island retreats with our wits and well-worn survival handbooks in tow.

The idea behind Virtual Villagers is very simple. You are given control of a small group of people who have found themselves on the mysterious island of Isola and across the two games discover different parts of this island. You will soon look upon these settlers as your own little family and they in turn will look to you to guide them through the many hazards lurking round the corner. Your objective is to build a prosperous community, training your villagers in different skills and exploring your surroundings for food and to unlock secrets.

Both of the Virtual Villagers games are very similar with The Lost Children containing some minor modifications, most notably more stunning visuals with lush scenery. In each game your villagers can be taught five different skills – farming, building, researching, healing and parenting (known as 'breeding' in A New Home). The farmers harvest crops and fish the ocean; builders erect huts and clear obstacles such as boulders and debris; researchers spend their time obtaining Tech Points (more later!) through their scientific discoveries; healers investigate the medicinal properties of the local flora and fauna to keep your villagers healthy; and parents are given the sole responsibility of creating the next generation. Controlling the villagers is a simple case of selecting and dragging them to intended locations: for example, a farmer dragged to a field of crops will hopefully set to work on harvesting the produce. The villagers begin as untrained so it is down to you to select what job you wish them to do and to drag them to the appropriate location. Many villagers will shake their head when you first attempt this so you will need to be persistent and patient at times while they are learning. Once they have got the hang of a particular skill they move independently and remain focussed on that area of expertise unless you say otherwise.

Each of the five skills has three levels of speciality and only through learning each one will your villagers continue to thrive and discover more about Isola. In order to increase the levels of your farmers, builders etc your researchers will need to put in the hours, their deliberations acquiring Tech Points which can be traded in to develop key areas such as environment, construction, medicine and science.  In A New Home additional areas are available in the form of spirituality and fertility.  These are replaced by culture and exploration in The Lost Children.  It doesn't matter how advanced your villagers are in their own skills, if you don't commit some of your tech points to developing these areas, your villagers will be severely limited in what they can achieve.

Aside from the building and survival of your community there are 16 puzzles to be unlocked on the island, such as simple tasks like removing a well cover to give your villagers access to water, or more complex areas such as having your most skilled builders erect temples and statues. It's a welcome distraction from the intense learning programme each of your villagers must go through. Isola will also bear witness to near calamitous events that can impact severely on your village's food supplies. As you build your community it is important to be mindful of your population growing beyond your resources.

Collectibles were introduced into The Lost Children, making use of your children.  Though they had always been able to collect mushrooms for food (though not independently but under your control) in the second game a range of collectibles become available.  Only children can see and collect them and can deliver them to your scientists to help further their research.

Any weakness to Virtual Villagers is dependent on the individual gamer. When you first play there is a lot to do as you assign skills to your villagers and have them explore the island. You need to persevere in developing your villagers as they will habitually wander off in the beginning.  It is only once their skills begin to develop that they will commit to a task or go and do it independently and this can be quite frustrating to start with. You will also soon find that any further progress is hindered by such things as having to wait for your researchers to build up enough Tech points for you to invest in further experience. And let's not talk about food: in both A New Home and The Lost Children we faced famine and had to search frantically for mushrooms to keep our starved villagers alive until they mastered farming!

Virtual Villagers is ideal for casual gamers who are only interested in playing for half an hour or so. If you are looking for hours of involvement you will need to be patient in waiting for events to unfold. Your villagers continue to work even after you have left the game so on your return you will often find many changes (though this can be prevented by leaving the game paused when you exit). This also has its benefits and problems. On the one hand we found ourselves wondering daily about our villagers' welfare and what they had been up to but on the other hand it was a shame to miss out on some of the events that had taken place such as completion of building work. The only other problem is that once you have developed a large community, learned all the skills and completed the many puzzles, it is uncertain whether you will wish to play through the game again. It is difficult to reconcile such conflicting observations, but what isn't in doubt is that Virtual Villagers is thoroughly addictive.

The Virtual Villagers Double Pack retails at £9.99 and offers excellent value for money. It's an enjoyable experience watching your community grow and we don't mind saying that we grew very attached to our respective villagers, particularly the earliest settlers who we were sad to see pass as the years went by. You can dip into both games at your leisure and feel reassured that when returning your villagers will have some surprises in store for you. Virtual Villagers fails only on longevity issues but with two games on offer here that seems a small price to pay.  There's no doubt that for the many hours you will play before completing both games, you'll more than get your money's worth.

Final Score: 83% 

* Previously published on www.femalegamers.co.uk

Film Review #74: Ocean's Eleven

With prices for cinema tickets now reaching ridiculous heights it's not often I will treat myself to a new release unless it's something I simply cannot wait for. Instead, I'm happy to content myself with a cheap DVD or a film on TV which may have slipped through my critical net and, believe me, there have been far too many. Whether the films featured here are recent or old I'll still be providing my honest opinion on them and, with the benefit of hindsight in many cases, may offer a slightly different take to contemporary reviewers.

 

Ocean's Eleven (2001)

The majority of us are law abiding citizens but we can't resist watching a good robbery, especially if there's some humour thrown in as well. The Italian Job (1969) is one of the best but in 2001 Steven Soderbergh remade the Rat Pack classic Ocean's Eleven (1960) which is notable not just for an audacious robbery plan but its rich ensemble of Hollywood talent, but is it any good?

The film begins with Danny Ocean (George Clooney) being released from prison and immediately hooking up with a multitude of talented criminals spread throughout the US. Ocean makes up the elusive eleven of the title which includes Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt), Reuben Tishkoff (Elliot Gould), Frank Catton (Bernie Mack), brothers Turk (Scott Caan) and Virgil Malloy (Casey Affleck), Livingston Dell (Eddie Jemison), Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle), Yen (Shaobo Qin), Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner) and Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon). Ocean's target is $150 million held in the vault of a casino owned by Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia), and despite the reservations of the men he recruits at pulling off the heist they all sign up for the challenge. Complications arise, however, when Ocean's group learn that Benedict's lover Tess (Julia Roberts) just happens to be the estranged wife of Ocean which threatens to ruin the entire heist.

Following his release from prison at the outset, Ocean is quickly breaking the rules of his parole and forming a lucrative gang to complete a challenging robbery that is deemed nigh on impossible. The notable members are Linus who is an expert pickpocket and Yen who Rusty Ryan first introduces Ocean to when they watch his circus performance; an outstanding acrobat ideal for avoiding security sensors and facilitating the gang's acquisition of the loot. The other members all have their individual roles from posing as businessmen wanting their goods putting in the casino's vault, to working the tables or posing as porters. Ocean's gang may seem as dissimilar a group as you could hope to meet but together they are a formidable force, planning meticulously with a replica of the vault they intend to break through despite the presence of guards, security sensors and doors whose codes change multiple times during the day. Getting into the vault is one thing but managing to walk out with $150 million in bags is not the most straightforward task. As the audience we know that this gang will have their close calls and there are many here, be it members posing as guards and being stopped in the corridors suddenly or the athletic Yen nearly stumbling a few times when his moment arrives in the vault.

The love triangle between Ocean, Tess and Benedict is relevant but it is also fairly predictable what's going to happen. Despite being the head of the thieving operation, Ocean cannot resist joining his wife at a restaurant table while she waits for her new lover. Tess is adamant she wants nothing to do with Ocean, citing his lies and deceit as perfectly good reasons why she has nothing to say to him but his very presence clearly has an effect on her even though she professes to be loyal to Benedict. Ocean's encounter with Tess leads onto a meeting with Benedict who is suspicious of everyone in his casino so the sight of a recently paroled criminal sets alarm bells ringing. Ocean's movements are not overlooked by his gang with Linus monitoring his encounter with Tess and Benedict and leaving Rusty Ryan no choice but to assume control of the operation for fear of Ocean blowing the whole thing. Linus is drafted in for a key role in the heist while a distraught Ocean is pushed to the background despite being the initial brains behind the robbery. With this setback are the gang's detailed plans left in shreds?

Ocean's Eleven moves along at a fast pace and the heist itself is indeed the high point, being complex and precarious at every turn. Watching the ice cool Benedict begin to sweat as his impenetrable casino is suddenly breached is a sheer delight. The ending reveals another layer of intricacy to the plot that the audience will struggle to see coming but even the ruthless Benedict is left in awe at the audacity of the gang he has become a victim of. The outcome of the love triangle is very predictable and was something of a downside to the film for me. Tess doesn't want Ocean in her life at the outset but in the blink of an eye she quickly changes her mind! There is still a surprising outcome for one member of the group, it's a not a straightforward getaway for everyone involved and it makes for a more satisfying ending.

Ocean's Eleven is a fast-paced heist thriller with some moments of comedy thrown in for good measure. It boasts an impressive array of Hollywood talent who are never allowed to dominate the screen for long. By no means a masterpiece this is still an enjoyable film that should appeal to a wide audience.

Verdict: 8/10

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Introducing the Fezariu's Epiphany Book Trailer

It's been a couple of weeks since Fezariu's Epiphany was published and Mrs B has been hard at work making sure everyone in this universe, and any others out there, know all about it. The novel is now available on many sites and you can head for www.elenchera.com to find out more including the chance of a giveaway (offer ends 30th June 2011) and maybe the chance of a discount.

However, that's not the purpose of this blog. The reason I'm writing to you is to announce that thanks to Mrs B's ingenuity and the excellent work of one Tinisha Johnson, I am very proud to present a book trailer for Fezariu's Epiphany.

This won't give you all the answer to what the novel is about but it should offer a nice little taster through its words and striking images. I can't thank Mrs B and Tinisha enough for their efforts in bringing this wonderful trailer to life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

You can find out more about Tinisha and her work at www.TinishaNicoleJohnson.com

[image error]Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 David BrownOriginal content here is published under these license terms: X License Type:5License Summary:

All-Time Top Ten Blog Posts (May 2011)

I do enjoy writing my blog posts but it's always interesting to see which ones you are reading. Once a month I'll reveal which of my blogs have proved the most popular. I expect you'll be as stunned as me when you look through the list. Over the year we'll see if the current top ten changes as new posts continue to be added. In case anyone has missed any of the golden ten, links have been attached to direct you to those posts but if you want to read more blogs don't forget to check out the sitemap.  

 

1 (1) Top Ten Novels #1: Norwegian Wood  

Norwegian Wood reached 500 hits this month, far more than any other post in the top ten. Murakami's novel continued to enjoy views on an almost daily basis and it's safe to say this should still be riding high in this top ten for the remainder of the year at least.

 

2 (2) Film Review #19: Frozen  

Frozen has become less popular in recent months. Previously there wouldn't be a day when it wasn't enjoying at least a few hits but now it's been left with only isolated instances when the blog is viewed. The rest of the top ten have started to close the gap so will June be the month that Frozen begins to slip down the list?

 

3 (3) Classic Film Scene #14: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

This classic scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest spent most of the month seeing the posts directly beneath it threaten to snatch no.3. However, Cuckoo's Nest continually responded to such attacks, maintaining a very small gap from no.4 but reducing the deficit on no.2.

 

4 (4) Classic Film Scene #9: Pan's Labyrinth

This scene from Pan's Labyrinth vied for no.3 but just couldn't catch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Things have started to get pretty tight in the middle of the top ten but Pan's Labyrinth managed to hold steady at no.4.

 

5 (6) Top Ten Scrubs Moments #4: Ben's Funeral

One of the saddest moments from Scrubs is up one place this month having competed all month with the posts around it. Replacing Night Watch at no.5, this post won't be able to rest for long as the competition hots up in June.

 

6 (11) Top Ten World Cinema #2: House of Flying Daggers

Our gatecrasher this month is my second favourite film from the majestic realm of world cinema. The rise of Zhang Yimou's stunning action/adventure/romance ensured that the Christmas monopoly in this top ten finally came to an end in May.

 

7 (7) Top Ten Novels #5: The Thief of Always

Clive Barker's The Thief of Always rose and fell in the top ten as House of Flying Daggers entered the elite and Night Watch began to slip down the pecking order. Climbing as high as no.5 at one stage The Thief of Always reached month end in the same position as it started.

 

8 (5) Top Ten Novels #7: Night Watch

Our big loser of the month was Terry Pratchett's Night Watch which still collected some views during May but not enough to retain its place in the top 5. Can it stage a comeback in June or will Night Watch be staring down the barrel of an exit from the lucrative ten?  

 

9 (8) Top Ten Scrubs Moments #1: Dr Cox Loses Patients

My favourite moment from Scrubs comfortably held onto a place in the top ten but it didn't collect enough views to rise up the ranks. In fact this post seems content to reside in the lower echelons of the top ten and there's certainly no shame in that.

10 (10) Top Ten Novels #9: Wizard's First Rule

The first book in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series hunted down Lonely This Christmas at the start of the month and managed to simultaneously keep House of Flying Daggers at bay. Although the top ten waved goodbye to the Christmas songs, Wizard's First Rule was eventually overtaken by House of Flying Daggers and had to be content with propping up the rest of the top ten.

[image error]Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 David BrownOriginal content here is published under these license terms: X License Type:5License Summary:

Film Review #73: Crocodile

With prices for cinema tickets now reaching ridiculous heights it's not often I will treat myself to a new release unless it's something I simply cannot wait for. Instead, I'm happy to content myself with a cheap DVD or a film on TV which may have slipped through my critical net and, believe me, there have been far too many. Whether the films featured here are recent or old I'll still be providing my honest opinion on them and, with the benefit of hindsight in many cases, may offer a slightly different take to contemporary reviewers.

 

Crocodile (2000)

They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and every time Mrs B hands me a low budget horror film I try to remember those sage words. Tobe Hooper was responsible for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Poltergeist (1982) but even with those credits to his name I was surprised to find him directing a film about a man eating crocodile. My only hope was under Hooper's guidance this was more than just a laughable beer movie.

The film follows the progress of eight teenagers who are holidaying on a remote lake in southern California. The notable teenagers include Brady (Mark McLachlan) who is horrified to find his best friend Duncan (Cris Solari) has invited Sunny (Summer Knight) on the trip, having told her Brady is interested in her. Truth be told, Brady has cheated on his girlfriend Claire (Caitlin Martin) with Sunny and things become complicated with both Claire and Sunny on the same trip. What begins as a beer-fuelled boat trip descends into terror when the friends are pursued by a giant crocodile.

The love triangle is the only notable thing among the group of teenagers at the outset. The remaining members are merely numbers for the giant crocodile to target. That said, one of the teenagers Kit (Doug Reiser) does tell the group the story of a deserted mansion along the lake shore where the owner brought a Nile Crocodile (see it all makes sense now!) back from Egypt and inexplicably she laid eggs despite having no mate. When the owner's son smashed the eggs during a tantrum all the family found was his severed hand. Despite this somewhat eerie tale the teenagers are too caught up in alcohol and idle banter to worry about any dangers in the lake. Things become a little fractious when a drunken Sunny blurts out to Claire that she and Brady have slept together and we're left with Brady having a lot of making up to do. Initially Claire wants nothing to do with him (bless her!) but the presence of a giant alligator eating everyone in sight is a good opportunity for Brady to win Claire back and worryingly it seems to work! Let's just hope any other unfaithful men out there don't suggest a boat trip if their relationship is suddenly on the rocks. Ladies just say no!

The giant crocodile isn't particularly impressive or even menacing for that matter, it's just there and you have to deal with it as best you can; whisky helped me. The limited budget is undeniable and amazingly it took three people to write the screenplay for this film! Our nasty crocodile is not motivated by love of bloodshed but by maternal instinct. Prior to the teenagers being picked off one by one, they happen upon a nest of eggs and, as you do, they take one back to the boat with them which one of the teenagers stashes in Claire's bag (very convenient!) and the giant crocodile wants it back. It proceeds to eat the teenagers in turn, picking off the first one while the boat is moored and severing the rope. The boat drifts down the lake while the rest of the group are sleeping or passed out, it's difficult to say which, and they wake to find their boat is stuck. The crocodile soon makes short work of it and the teenagers are pursued across land. Lucky for them a local sheriff (Harrison Young) is on their trail and turns to alligator farmer Shurkin (Terrence Evans), who he initially believes to be a suspect for the remains of victims in the lake (well his alligators anyway), for help!

Watching Crocodile I was saddened that Tobe Hooper was the director and Harrison Young's turn as the sheriff is equally horrifying for two years earlier he appeared in Saving Private Ryan (1998), so let's just say his career must have taken quite a slide, or Private Ryan became a Sheriff on a Southern California lake, and not a great one at that. The characters in the film are not a nice bunch though you do have to feel sorry for poor Claire what with a cheating boyfriend and then his best friend, Duncan, who tries to console her by suggesting she sleep with him for a spot of revenge! All of the characters are self-serving and you won't be upset as they get picked off, though the one moment of interest comes when the group are separated and Claire happens upon Sunny, one of the sources of her woes, and the crocodile suddenly closes in leaving Claire a dilemma of letting Sunny die or trying to rescue her. The crocodile is a magical creature, changing size during the film (I wish I was joking!), floating along the lake with as much menace as a steam roller 50 miles away, it can leap out of the water and high into the air like a dolphin and swallow people whole, it's amazing to see! The deaths of the many teenagers and other locals on the lake are brief and bloody but certainly not scary and as for the grand finale, well, given the crocodile's motivation for its killing spree I'm sure you can hazard a guess as to what happens.

Crocodile is undeniably poor, with a weak script, pretty atrocious acting (especially the moment Kit's boat is destroyed and he seems to be laughing about it), shoddy effects and a silly but predictable ending. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen in fact it's amusingly bad at times, which is good if you want a sub-standard beer movie to chuckle through with your friends. Crocodile fits that bill perfectly but if you're looking for Casablanca then you won't find it here.

Verdict: 2/10

[image error]Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 David BrownOriginal content here is published under these license terms: X License Type:5License Summary:

Book Review #12: The Pillars of the Earth

As an aspiring author I try to write as often as possible but always remember to have a book on the bedside table. I read for many reasons, mostly the sheer joy of the pastime, but I am constantly trying to improve myself as a writer, finding worthwhile lessons in my successful peers, whether they're currently enjoying life in the bestsellers list or they have long since written their final words. As I continue my own writing journey (hopefully towards publication!) I'll be sharing my thoughts on all my latest reads and maybe reveal who I find the most inspiring along the way.

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Ken Follett – The Pillars of the Earth (1989)

I'm not sure what drew me towards Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth initially. I picked it up in my local Waterstones and somehow couldn't resist. I think the setting in 12th century England at the height of the civil war between Stephen and the Empress Maud is what intrigued me the most. The rest of the book promised to be based mainly around the building of a cathedral which sounded interesting but not overly exciting.

The novel takes place across most of the 12th century beginning with the death of Henry I (1100-1135), youngest son of William the Conqueror, and following the subsequent civil war – The Anarchy or The Nineteen Year Winter (1135-1154) – that broke out. Henry I was one of England's most notorious womanisers but despite fathering many children (most illegitimate) he had no male heir at the time of his death, his only son being killed when the White Ship sank in 1120. On hearing of the disaster Henry I was said to have never smiled again! Henry's nephew Stephen seizes the throne ahead of the late king's only legitimate heir, Matilda, but any hopes of peace are dashed when nobles loyal to the Empress Maud take up arms against Stephen and plunge England into a gruelling civil war. Of course, if you're familiar with this area of history there won't be many surprises with how it turns out but these events are mere background material. Amidst this civil war Follett weaves a series of fascinating stories with a cluster of memorable characters all united by the building of a new cathedral in the fictitious town of Kingsbridge.

One of the first primary characters we meet is Tom Builder, a mason desperately seeking work at one of the towns to support his family. At the outset Tom has to care for his pregnant wife, Agnes, and their two children Alfred and Martha. When Agnes dies in the aftermath of childbirth, Tom reluctantly abandons the newborn baby in the forest and continues on his way, having not the means to feed so many mouths, a painful moment that comes back to haunt him at Kingsbridge. He later falls for Ellen who lives in the forest with her son Jack, having crossed paths with the pair of them earlier in the story. The large family find their way to Kingsbridge where Tom is able to become the master mason when approval is given for a cathedral to be built. As well as his heavy workload Tom has to contend with his lover Ellen who has an aversion to the church and religion in general as well as Alfred and Jack who hate each other from the outset and over the years these ill-feelings do not dissipate, but become far worse.

The struggle between two noble families – the Bartholomews and Hamleighs – is another key part of the novel. At the outset the Hamleighs are furious and embarrassed after their son William is put forward as a suitor for Earl Bartholomew's daughter, Aliena, only for the young woman to refuse his advances. With the crowning of Stephen and the outbreak of the war Earl Bartholomew loses everything, resigned to a penniless death in the dungeons leaving his lands to be taken over by the Hamleighs. William and his close friend Walter find Aliena and her brother Richard still at their father's home and William, by far the book's most brutal character, takes a horrifying revenge. While Richard has part of his ear removed, William and Walter both rape Aliena before she manages to escape with her brother. While Richard is a somewhat weak character, only finding his calling when taking up arms to later join the war, Aliena proves resourceful and strong. She has to forget her noble origins and takes up the wool trade, becoming very rich over the years and helping finance her brother becoming a knight with the long-term ambition of fulfilling her father's dying wish of reclaiming the family estates and having Richard become the new Earl. Over time that honour falls to William Hamleigh who finds a friend in corrupt bishop Waleran Bigod who absolves the evil earl of all sins whenever he rampages throughout his lands raping, pillaging and murdering his subjects.

The most important character in the book is Philip who becomes Prior of Kingsbridge thanks to the help of the conniving Bishop Waleran Bigod. Initially friendly to the new Prior, Bigod regards his ally as an enemy when Philip sets about making Kingsbridge prosperous but the progress of the war directly affects his success. He is the guardian of many of the main characters in the book, the one everyone seems to turn to in the end. He appoints Tom Builder as head mason for the building of the cathedral at Kingsbridge and offers a helping hand to Aliena when she is struggling to start up her wool business. Philip is frequently at odds with allies Waleran Bigod and William Hamleigh who stop at nothing to destroy everything he is building in Kingsbridge. Philip is a mainstay throughout the book, reacting to the death of Henry I at the outset and playing a key role at the end of the novel when Henry II (1154-1189) is now King of England and has committed the most controversial error of his reign – the murder of Thomas Beckett.  

Follett combines all these characters together beautifully and it makes for an absorbing read as the years go by and the children grow up to become adults. We assume that the principal characters we're introduced to at the start will be around at the end but this isn't always the case. Follett knows all too well what difficult lives people had in this period of history and he has no issue with killing off key characters which will take you completely unawares, one of them especially! Amidst the exhausting work on the cathedral and the turbulent years of war the reader can later look forward to a poignant love story that faces many obstacles. Aliena has many suitors, especially when she's a thriving businesswoman, but she turns all of them down partly through lack of interest and partly as a result of William's assault. Even Tom's son Alfred has a try but is rejected. Ellen's son Jack, with striking red hair, has loved Aliena for years but never really talked to her. Once grown up he overcomes his fears and the two get to know each other but although there is mutual affection this is not a straightforward love story and any attempts to resolve things carry on over many years so the reader will be kept guessing how it all turns out in the end. The love story is just one of many wonderful elements to the book. Will the cathedral be completed? Will Jack win the heart of Aliena? Will William Hamleigh get his comeuppance? Will Richard reclaim his father's estate? Will Philip defeat the calculating Waleran Bigod? Who will win the Civil War? So many questions and you'll find no answers from me.

The Pillars of the Earth is an historical epic that may look daunting when you pick it up but the story is so engrossing you'll tear through it. The ending may seem a little rushed in places but it's a small issue given the wonderful story that has come before. I was drawn to the historical period this was set in but had my reservations about how good a novel about building a cathedral could be. I'm pleased to say any doubts were quickly washed away. An unmissable read.

Verdict: 10/10

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