Violet Yates's Blog, page 12

The One Who Got Away

Today was the day! After so long, I would finally lay eyes on the person I wanted to see the most. I thought of all the things I wanted to say and do, scanning my brain for anything I’d left out. I was very nervous. It had been three years since I’d laid eyes on him, and there were so many things that could go wrong.

I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower, pulling a scrunchie from my tangled blonde hair on the way. I examined my tanned face in the mirror, satisfied with the reflection peering back at me.  Too many freckles, though, I sighed to myself.

The shower nozzle spat hot water out of it and I bolted away in surprise. No matter how many times it happened, it always shocked me. I adjusted the temperature a bit until I was satisfied, then shampooed and conditioned my hair, washed up really well and shaved. Once rinsed, I stepped out and yanked a furry pink towel from the bar in the bathroom, sniffing it first.

“Mmm, clean,” I said, smelling the fresh Bounce scent, which is the only Fabric softener I will use.

I toweled off my hair and brushed it out as best I could, then hung the towel back up, never one to let towels sit around the house. Then I walked back to my bedroom and yanked open the bottom drawer of my dresser, grabbing a few pairs of shorts. I settled on a pair I hadn’t been able to wear in a few years. They were tight but they fit, and I was very happy with that fact. Then I opened the top drawer and found a nice white bra that I just purchased, and a brand new pair of underwear. I just needed a shirt. I found that in the third drawer down. It was black and green and had a bamboo style print on it, it was lacy on the edges and classy. I thought it looked really nice on me and made my eyes, which were blue, stand out.

Back in the bathroom, I took out my small bag of makeup and started applying eyeliner, lipstick and eyeshadow. Then I added some blush and mascara. I wasn’t one to ever go too heavy, but I liked a little color, and today was a special today. Today, I’d finally be able to talk to him. To the ‘one who got away.’

I think everybody has had someone like that in their life. You know: the one who moved away before you could see where things would go, or you weren’t available, or you moved away, etc. Well, I had one. A few weeks ago I told him I had feelings for him still. Now he was coming down to talk to me.

I reached under the sink for my hair dryer, plugged it in and started drying my hair. After a few minutes, I was done. Ready. I went into the living room of my apartment and snatched up my cellphone. On it were several text messages. I opened them. My anxiety heightened a bit. Okay, I can still deal with this. I take a deep breath. As long as he’s still coming down, that’s all that matters…

It all went so horribly wrong.

****

This is a part of a true story, so I won’t be elaborating for now. Maybe someday…

Filed under: Contemporary fiction, Women's Fiction, Writing Tagged: blogging, excitement, falling in love, first blush, Flash Fiction, love, missing out, tragedy, Violet Yates, writing

Missing In Maui- Carly “Charli” Joann Scott

Please READ & Repost, retweet, etc! Thanks! 27 year old pregnant Charli Scott vanished from Maui on February 9th, 2014. Her case was ruled a homicide not 4 weeks later. Currently, in Hawaii, we don’t have laws in place to protect an unborn child whose life is taken by another. In Hawaii, the First Degree murder law is very specific and hard to apply to even the most heinous crimes. Rights for the families of the missing need to be more clear cut in order to protect the missing while they are being searched for. There are other numerous other states where laws and bills need to be worked on as well. Currently, the family of Charli is working on the wording of a bill similar to that of Laci and Conner’s Law (Peterson) that would protect the unborn here in the State of Hawaii. You might think, this doesn’t apply to me, I’ll skip this link and decide not to click. But the more people who are aware, the more who get involved, the more can be done. This isn’t just a state-wide issue, it’s a national issue, indeed an international issue. No one, I mean NO ONE, has the right to take another person’s life. No one has the right to take the life of a pregnant woman, and therefore cause the death of an infant. No punishment less than first degree murder and life imprisonment will suffice.

Please click on the link and watch. It’s only $1.99. Or you can go to Amazon and purchase it there. Hear their story. I guarantee your heart will be forever changed.

If you know anything, or think you might, please call Maui Police Department. 808-242-6966 or toll free 888-242-6966

Or you can call the Maui Tip Line at 808-244-6400.

Aloha & Mahalo!

 

Filed under: Crime, Hawaii, Missing Persons Tagged: bill, Carly Scott, charli, charli scott, Disappeared Show, east maui, first degree murder, Haiku, Homicide, ID, Investigation, Investigation Discovery, law, legal, love, Makawao, manslaughter, maui, Maui Search and Rescue, missing, missing persons, MPD, MSR, murder, rights for unborn child, scott, support, Television, unborn, video, youtube

Titanium

I was just on Facebook, browsing through my notifications. For some reason, I get alerted every time my cousin, Mindy, posts something (I think I’m stalking her! ;) At least, that’s the running joke). You know those posts where you can take a survey and find out what country you ought to live in, or what state you are from based on how you talk? Well this one was What Should Be Your Theme Song? Hers was A Thousand Miles, which she said was ‘perfect.’ I was just going to comment that I would probably get Miles and Miles because I’ve driven across the country so much, or I’d get some 80′s song because that would just be my luck (the only 80′s music I really like is Heavy Metal, Duran Duran and a few others, the other stuff makes me kinda crazy because, what happened??) But I decided to just take the test. Some of the questions were funny, like, “Do you see the glass half full, half empty, or “I think this is piss?” Because the water in the glasses really looked like pee. I finished the last question, which asked me to pick a lyrical line out of a list, and I picked the lyric that I thought spoke to me the most. I was then told my song was Titanium, and a video started playing. I’ve never before heard this song, and I was displeased that it was techno. I don’t really like techno. Yet I scrolled and saw the words, and they fit me perfectly. Usually, these quizzes don’t fit me. This was a special treat.

I have been through so much in my life, and to find a song that affirms that, yet doesn’t make me out to be a victim is awesome. I have been told I am a strong woman and at times I’ve struggled with that because society views women who have been ‘victims’ of domestic violence, of bullying, of sexual assault, as forever a victim, but it’s simply not the case. We DO overcome and are stronger for it. There is a great strength in us, and there is also strength for women who are currently struggling in knowing we, who are survivors, are out here to help. Know that you can come to us and get support. Know that you are loved and welcome. Know that you are awesome. Just by being you, you have won the war. You don’t have to allow society to paint you as a victim, because you are TITANIUM. :)

For help: the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

http://www.thehotline.org/

National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1.800.656.HOPE

http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline

http://www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/

Here’s the song:

Filed under: Crime, Music Video Tagged: a victim no more, domestic violence, help, hotline, music, safe, sexual assault, theme song, Titanium, victor, Violet Yates, warrior

The Word “Obese” is the New F-word

I think the word “obese” is a cruel word and is a derogatory term. Do people know how awful it is to see that term on their medical charts when they’ve struggled with weight issues their entire life? A few years ago, I was up to 189 lbs and my doctors threw around the word obese like it was nothing. I had cholesterol issues as well. I received a phone call after some tests were done three years ago- it was my doctor’s nurse telling me that I had to stop eating red meat, that I needed to basically switch to almost all vegetables and fruit, walnuts, etc.

I had some problems with overeating that I was working on at that time, but it was not a lifelong problem, it was an issue that had a lot to do with a recent breakup. I’ve fluctuated with my weight a lot in my life. They stressed how important it was for me to lose weight, so I started drinking vegetable smoothies every day and the only other thing I ever ate was bagel thins with a little lettuce, tomatoes and lunchmeat on it once a day. I was basically going hungry for almost a year. I lost 50 lbs in that time and my doctor was telling me at the 155 lb mark, ‘oh, btw, now you’re not obese anymore,’ (smile). I got to 140 lbs and my sister had died, I got attacked… and I had stopped eating almost altogether because of grief. Then I was forcing myself to eat. I got sick and for almost a year, my menses was thrown off, I would hemorrhage for weeks… spot for weeks, hemorrhage. I thought I was dying. This went on for nearly a year. I started to gain the weight back because I was so sick. This past February my gyn told me the reason my system was thrown off is because of the weight loss. Now I am doing much better and things are back to normal but my weight is pretty high again. My point is, I already had a self image problem way before my doctors started giving me crap about being overweight. When I saw the word “obese” on my chart, and because they wanted me on a special diet because they were upset about my cholesterol, I freaked out and wanted the weight off. But it made me really ill. So either way, I couldn’t win. Instead of spending 1 minute on the phone leaving a voice-mail for a patient telling her what she can and can’t eat, doctors ought to really sit down with a patient and help them when these sorts of things need to be dealt with. Then maybe they’d understand how terrible I felt.

The reason I’m thinking of this now is because I recently read an article of how a little girl was sent home with a BMI measurement done by her school in which they told her parents she was overweight, and she wasn’t. Even if she had been overweight or extremely overweight, why give a 9 year old a complex? Our country already has enough issues with body dysmorphic disorder which in turn causes eating disorders. The least the school could have done is have the parents come into the school for a conference instead of sending the child home with a letter, expecting the child not to open it. When I was about 9 years old, I was stockier than other children my age and I noticed it. I think a doctor pointed this out, from what I recall. At that point, the kids at school didn’t. But I remember feeling very miserable about it, about not ‘looking’ like everyone else. I didn’t feel pretty or cute like the other kids. Later, I hit puberty and grew out of that stage, but that feeling clung to me my entire life.

In life, people can be cruel. The words people use can be harsh. The least doctors and schools and others in authority can do is to attempt to stop perpetrating that cruelty. A lot of people who are overweight don’t overeat. That was the ironic thing for me last fall. My doctor (who is no longer my doctor, thank God) kept accusing me of overeating, as if that was the only way to gain weight. I kept telling him that I do not overeat. I am poor and so I eat a lot of rice, beans, etc. That stays on and is harder to lose. I didn’t even drink much soda then. Yet every time I saw him, he’d ask. And that word, obese, would be written on my chart. Like the “F” word.

Filed under: Health, Writing Tagged: BMi, body dysmorphia, diet, health, menses, obese, obesity, self image, self-esteem, Violet Yates, weight, weight-loss, women

Extreme Couponing & Healthy Eating: Incompatable?

Violet Yates:

I found this blog because I, too, believe that extreme couponing leads to buying unhealthy foods. Because I am disabled and living on a fixed income, I struggle with my choices every time I go shopping. People ask me why I don’t coupon. This is why. Most of the items available are unhealthy. If there were deals for produce and other fresh foods, I might.

Originally posted on The Healthcare Marketer:

I have to admit that I am intrigued by this extreme couponing phenomenon. For the uninitiated, Extreme Couponing is a new hit show on TLC. It is amazing to see someone buy $1,000 worth of groceries for $8.28. Wow. If you haven’t seen it, here’s how TLC promotes the show:

“Enter the world of bargain shoppers who have mastered the art of saving! In Extreme Couponing, meet the everyday people who save hundreds of dollars in a single trip to the store. Tune in to TLC to see the savings!”

I’ve seen the show a couple of times and it is amazing to see these women (I have yet to see a man featured) organize their lives around making huge grocery purchases while only actually paying for a very small percentage. They have definitely learned how to work the system and seem to derive a ton of psychological satisfaction by…

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Filed under: Writing

Social Media, Blogging & Writing

I didn’t grow up around computers. Being a child of the 70′s, the first computer I ever used was an Apple we had on loan at school in the early 80′s.  Each student had about twenty minutes on it and that was about it. We had the computer for about a week or so in our class, from what I recall. That was in the sixth grade. We never had a computer in school again until I had gone to college. My parents couldn’t afford a computer at home, so we never had one. Besides, not many people in Hawaii really had a personal PC, unless they used it for work. We had a video game system that looked the same, though.

I didn’t even learn to type until my early 20′s. I dropped out of my typing class in high school because my teacher was a bit of a nazi. She would give us an assignment, then proceed to go around the room, looming over me and others while we attempted to complete it. She would also stand at the head of the class and utter rapid fire commands of what she wanted us to type, with no break. For an introductory class to typing, it was very stressful. I would get hopelessly behind and frustrated and she would take her frustration out on us by scolding us whenever we fell behind and made mistakes. It was not what you would call a healthy learning environment. So I dropped the class and took French. Later, while in college, I taught myself how to type on an old typewriter and honed the skill with typing programs on the computers at school. I can now type up to 100 wpm.

Life used to be a lot simpler for me as a writer. In a way, it used to be easier for me to just sit down and carve out some quality writing time. With the internet, came the never-ending possibility of distraction. Whereas before I would just sit down and pour out my soul in a poem or begin a story, I find myself so easily distracted by social media, email, etc. Yet there are also so many bonuses to this technology, as well. That word whose meaning or spelling I’m not sure about? I can simply look it up with a click and some typing, rather than searching for my dictionary and opening it up. If I need a synonym or antonym, no need for a thesaurus, just do a websearch. If I need a word that rhymes with a word in one of my poems, same thing. Instant access to books, movies, facts. The web also serves as an excellent networking tool, if used correctly. So all of this has its plus sides.

I still turn to pen and paper for writing, however. I love the smell and feel of paper, the appearance of my writing on it. I do own a Kindle and a Nook Color, but I also own a ton of print books and will likely always own and buy in print as well as ebook. My mind still rebels a bit when I’m reading on my Kindle and/or my Nook/android phone. Technology has its bonuses though- my ebooks are published thanks to Amazon and Smashwords.

Lately, I find myself immersed in the beauty that is my own little microcosm I’ve carved out on the web. I’ve got my Twitter account with all of my lovely followers who are each unique in and of themselves and I’m really enjoying the experience this time. I was there three years ago and I just didn’t understand the purpose at that time. It is unlike Facebook in the sense that people on Twitter interact very differently. There is poetry in the brevity of the 140 character tweet. Usually, each character carries a much deeper, well-thought message. It makes one really think- Is this going to show what I am trying to convey? It can be comical, it can be deep, but the message must be said with 140 characters!

Whereas Facebook is more about sharing one’s life in lengthy posts, being open, having a laugh, keeping in touch with friends and family and the infamous “Like.” Not to mention the “Like” pages that nearly every company, author, musician, politician, news agency and even Police Department now has. On Facebook, people are also very passionate, and people can also be pretty catty and snarky, fights happen, people get blocked, rumors get started and it’s the hotbed for political arguments. I have often said to myself that if it weren’t for my friends and family, I probably wouldn’t be on Facebook.

A couple months ago I was exploring WordPress and was viewing the page “Blogs I Follow.” I had never before gone to this page, as every blog gets sent to my email inbox. When I opened up the page, I heard something so beautiful, sweet and resonating: music. Then I began to concentrate on the images on the page, various pictures of nature, cascading drops of beaded water over a steep cliff, a kelly green field of grass with wild yellow flowers, a stunning azure blue sky. I began to read the intros to the blogs: one woman was writing about how much she loved someone, another sharing her poetry, yet another imparting experiences of her struggle with bipolar disorder. All of this was simply sheer wonder. A compilation of creativity unfolding before my eyes. I experienced a type of beauty I never had before, and it left me in awe. Humanity is beautiful.

Keep sharing your worlds, everyone! I love you.

Filed under: Writing Tagged: beauty, beauty in music, beauty in poetry, beauty in writing, blog, blogging, computers, creativity, Growing up, happiness, humanity, love, poetry, social media, Violet Yates

Monday Musings: The tropes that trouble me

Monday Musings: The tropes that trouble me.

I agree with Mr. Bury. Too many authors attempt to emulate Tolkien and Lewis. The thing is, a good writer ought to be able to create their own world and pull it off. A good story is not dependent on someone being able to recognize a world in which a reader finds oneself in. The best stories I’ve ever read were just that because no one had ever written about it yet. For example, Lewis’ Space Trilogy. The first two books in this trilogy are about man visiting planets never before touched by humans. I fell in love with Perelandra, the drifting islands, the descriptions of the fruit, the innocence of the inhabitants. It was this originality that made it so unique. Had Lewis written a novel about something that took place in, say, Arthur’s Briton, sure, I would have liked it, but probably not as much. Perelandra remains one of the best novels ever written, in my book. Not because Lewis wrote it, but because he took the time to create an entirely different world no one else had ever created.

So instead of creating a fantasy novel set in Britain or the UK, delve deep into your imagination and create something truly unique. I am working on doing just that right now. :) Happy writing!

Filed under: Fiction, Publishing, Reading, Writing Tagged: best selling reads, blog, create, fantasy, fiction, help, literary, novels, scott bury, trop, tropes, worlds, writing

Love, Sex and Cuddling

Being that I am over 40, I’ve had some experience in this venue. I’ve been in a few long term relationships, I’ve been married once and I also went through a a couple periods I can only call ‘self-discovery’ which really involved a lot of drunken nights and ‘dates.’ Over the years, I was able to learn what I wanted, what worked, what sucked and what I was really after. As I grew older, that also changed. Some things became confusing to me over time, however, particularly when I gave my life back to Jesus.

In my teens I really was all about finding love, really had no clue about ‘men’ who were actually boys and if I had a clue, I would have known most of them were out to use me. By the time I was in my twenties, I had two young men of my own to take care of, an abusive ex I had just said “see ya” to and I was madly in love with someone I had known since I was fifteen. This man had been my friend and had been obsessed with me since he met me, and for once I looked his way and saw something there. He had a lot of experience and I had very little when it came to being with someone. But ultimately, our five year relationship was fraught with breakups and reconciliations that were intermixed with other people so it wasn’t meant to be.  It was a learning experience.

The next man I was with seriously was my now ex husband. I won’t go into much other than to say I became a bit repressed around that time, because although he expressed desires for things that any other guy seemed to want, he also didn’t want me to dress certain ways and would react funny when I responded to those desires with action. After it was over, I pretty much went wild for a while. Before I became an alcoholic I used to enjoy going out on weekends and I was an attractive woman, so I met guys who really liked me. Emotionally I was hung up on the husband, and I suppose you could say I was attempting to fill a void in a way. I wish I’d spent less time drinking and more time getting to know someone for who they were, really. In retrospect, I passed up a couple guys who turned out to be really great friends later on in life, and if I hadn’t held that lantern for my ex, who knows? But c’est la vie.

I had a ‘following’ back then. I would go to a pub and dance all night. It was mostly just harmless fun. When I’d get there, I’d get hugged all around and signed up for karaoke. I’d sing Olivia Newton John’s I Honestly Love You, and I’d have guys singing it back to me. Or I’d sing No Doubt’s Don’t Speak, and cry during the last part of it because I was hurting so bad over my divorce. Most of the time I’d go home alone. But I had a few friends. I generally kept my social life to the weekends. I didn’t want anything affecting my daughter.

After a few years, though, I had to wrestle with the alcoholic demon and it changed my entire life. If you’ve ever had a drinking problem, having sober sex is terrifying. I was 36 years old when I got sober and was with a guy who was 21 years old. That relationship was fun at first but doomed. I should not have taken it as far as I did, because I was the one who wound up getting hurt. After it was over, I decided to take a complete hiatus from all men. And I did. Only I had gone home to Hawaii at the time and saw someone from my past, a man I had a bit of a past with, and started to have romantic thoughts about. I thought how nice it would be to ‘date’ someone my own age for once… I spent some time with him while in Hawaii, just talking. And flew back to the mainland with my heart sorta set on him.

I moved back to Hawaii in 2010 and I didn’t see this guy for a long time. I had this thing about my weight and also I was conflicted about my faith and relationships. I stayed celibate and alone for two years until I just got so lonely. Instead of calling the old friend up, though, I started dating another younger guy, 8 years younger. For about 4 months I was totally ‘in love’ with him. More like ‘lust’ I think, really. Then I started realizing how little I knew about him, and he was staying with me. He did something incredibly juvenile and betrayed my trust out of the blue about 6 months into our relationship, and instead of saying it was over, I wallowed in self-pity and turned to the guy from my past for comfort.

Things went really south from there. The guy from my past came down one day and he was not who he represented himself to be. He tried to do something so criminal and horrible to me. I lost all faith in men for a long time after that. My relationship, already failing, fell apart. I had already had issues with PTSD and this just compounded it. Last October I finally kicked my last ex to the curb. What made me think about all this is a book I’m reading called Sleeping Around by Catherine Townsend. I began my twenties having a very liberal attitude towards sex, relationships, gender roles, etc. I think the hardest part about being a Christian, for me, is I am stuck in a rut as far as relationships go. I pick the wrong men. The good guys? I don’t find them attractive. Hoping I will one day… with enough therapy. And I like sex. And that feels bad for me. What with what that guy did to me, I’ve had real issues in that regard. I have always had a healthy attitude towards sex, but going to church sort of challenged that. I had this burning question in my head all the time: Is it wrong to masturbate??

I am single now and don’t have a plan on changing that. Do I have to go without intimacy or get married to someone even though it may fail? How do I balance being healthy sexually with being Christian? Because right now, I’m not healthy sexually, not after what happened to me. It’s why I don’t have anything to do with any men. Someday I may want to change that.

I just responded to a post on facebook where a friend commented that she wanted someone to cuddle with the guys in the pic she posted. I said I’d like to cuddle then make them go away so I can sleep. That’s really where I am at right now.  Funny? Maybe. But also pretty serious.

Filed under: Writing Tagged: cuddle, gender roles, good vs bad guys, having sex, men, sex, sleep, women

Dreamer

I like this song. I believe in Jesus Christ but I like what Ozzy has to say. Not every person, even Christians, are absolutely 100% positive day in and day out. I find myself falling into sadness a lot. I don’t believe that means that I am any less faithful, but that I am human. I see things in life that bring me to my knees, that makes me feel like humanity is so lost. I hear of things that are heartbreaking. I have experienced such depression in my life, mind-breaking trauma and still I press on. I love Jesus Christ more than anything, and appreciate the sacrifice he has made all the more for having experienced the true depravity of what man is capable of. If He can love us, we ought to love one another.

Imagine all the people in the world who need love. Imagine there is a heaven. Imagine there was no strife or argument about that. No religion, just God. This is the life promised to us. Forever.

Filed under: music, Music Video Tagged: dreamer, Heaven, imagine, Jesus, john lennon, love, music, ozzy osbourne

Mama I’m Coming Home

I want to share some music I like. Here’s an old favorite.

I’ve listened to Ozzy since I was a teenager. I’ve always loved his ballads the most. I used to own all of his albums until I lost the cds on a trip coming home to visit my mom and dad in Hawaii. Irony, right?

Filed under: music, Music Video Tagged: heartstrings, love, mama i'm coming home, missing you, ozzy osbourne