Cate Ellink's Blog, page 40

Sunday Story - The Narrow Road To The Deep North

I've spent a few weeks reading Richard Flanagan's The Narrow Road To The Deep North, which won the Booker Prize last year. The ladies in my book club had said it was wonderful, and it was on sale and fell into my hands in the bookshop, as books often do.
The story is about POWs in WWII and their return to Australia. It's mostly set in the POW camps for the Burma Railway. I've read quite a few war stories and they're all shocking and gut-wrenching but this one is so graphic and harrowing and awful, I really struggled to keep reading it at times.
The characters in the book aren't 'nice' at all. They're more than flawed too. There are some lovely moments though, but on the whole I didn't 'like' the people I was reading about. Maybe that's something to do with all the romance genre reading where identifying with a character in some way is almost necessary, but I think I would have felt like this even without being a romance writer.
The book is well-written and it gives a view of both the Aussie POWs and also the Japanese and Korean soldiers...and that's interesting as few war stories show both sides, and never (that I've read anyway) make the 'enemy' human and give reasons for their behaviour which are believable and maybe almost understandable.
I find prize-winning books often are heavy going, and this is no different. Foal's Bread was another recent prize-winner that was well-written but harrowing. Maybe there's a fad for harrowing stories at the moment. Although I don't find these easy reads, and I would never say I enjoyed reading them, I do believe there's a need for them and these books should be written, and read. 
I'm off to read something much lighter now.

Phallic Friday - messy/dirty partners

This is the last of the fetishes on my list and I'm not sure if it's a serious one or just a laugh, but it was on a few lists, so I guess it's real.

Salirophilia - it has a name, so it must be real - and when I look that up, it's about smearing make up, making a partner dirty/messy during sex, messing up the partner's hair or clothing. Those are the tame forms...it then moves into mud, scat play, golden showers, and other such fetishes.

It seems to be another fetish that overlaps with D/s and many other fetishes that we've discussed over the last few months.

These blog posts have been such fun. I've thoroughly enjoyed my research into the weird, wonderful and wacky things that people enjoy to enhance their sexual gratification.

I hope to use all of this research in a book I've got half started, temporarily called Awakening. But doing all this research, and after other writing, I've changed my thoughts and I think I need to scrap what I've got and start again. So my new plan is to submit it by the end of 2015 - good luck to me (I'll need it!).

Hope you've enjoyed a walk into the world of fetishes!

And please, let me know if I've missed your favourite fetish.

Wildlife Wednesday - gum blossoms

Spring is well and truly on its way and the beautiful gum blossoms around me are out. I love gum blossoms because when I look at them, I see the Gum Blossom Fairies of May Gibbs, from Snugglepot and Cuddlepie. Do you see them?

If you've never heard of them, have a look at these images...or this website.

Phallic Friday - cuckolding

Cuckolding is an ancient 'act' but it has a modern twist that makes it a fetish! let me explain:

The term 'cuckolding' comes from the name of the cuckoo, the bird (see Wildlife Wednesday and Phallic Friday finally cross paths!). European Cuckoos 'steal' the nests of other birds for their eggs...and they don't just lay their egg in another's nest, they remove one of that birds' eggs leaving the unsuspecting parents to hatch the cuckoos egg. But it gets worse, when the young cuckoo hatches, they shovel the other chicks out of the nest, so the parents devote themselves to feeding the 'wrong' chick, thus raising a European Cuckoo and not their own fledgling.

With the act of cuckolding in the past, a woman would cheat on her husband, birthing a child who was not his own but who he would, usually unknowingly, raise as his own. The act itself wasn't a fetish, more like a way for a woman to survive a loveless marriage, or bear children if her husband was infertile, or the result of an affair on the sly. The husband may find out if the child bore a vast difference to himself, in which case it could cause an awful furore.

In the American south in the past, there was a huge stigma attached to cuckolding when a white women slept with black men, often a slave, and birthed a black child. To add to this, there was the belief that black men were far more endowed than white men, so for a woman to sleep with a black man, the husband was humiliated many times over - not only because of the unfaithfulness, the child that was not his, and all the emotions those issues brought up, but also because it appeared to society that he couldn't perform adequately (or had a small penis) because his wife preferred the 'larger' man.

So cuckolding has always had a large dose of humiliation and shame associated with it. Not only for the unsuspecting husband, but women who had affairs that were discovered were often shunned by society, or worse.

In recent years in America particularly, cuckolding has taken on a fetish twist, with some husbands wanting to organise for their wife to be serviced by a 'bull' (the term used to describe the third party) and for them to watch for their sexual gratification. This fetish defied my understanding, but I did some research because there was a call for short stories on this fetish, which I thought might be interesting to write.

Some have theorised that this cuckolding fetish may have found a rise in popularity because it contradicts the ideals of monogamy. In most scenarios, there's a 'wife', a 'bull' and a 'cuck', who is the husband and the usual organiser of the event. From what I could find out, the typical cuck is in their 30s, in comfortable longterm relationships, alpha male in most situations, above average intelligence, often in high-powered jobs with above average income. It's thought that these blokes might need the extra mental stimulation that this scenario gives. (I was shocked by this unexpected profile, so I keep searching more).

In most cases, the cuck organises for a bull who is better looking, more endowed, more muscular, and whatever else might 'hurt' them. It doesn't seem that the wife chooses the bull, although she may have input. It seems that in most cases, the guy does the choosing - and yes, there are websites designed for this fetish (in the US. I didn't find much info at all in Australia, so maybe it hasn't taken off here).

It's thought that there are three types of cuckolded me - those who are submissive (they want the degradation and humiliation of not being 'good enough' and being shown what 'good' is, to achieve orgasm), those who want the forced bisexual experience (they want to be pushed into exploring their darkest fantasies, being with a man, and may want their Mistress/dominant wife to instruct them into doing things they'd never do, like a blow job for the bull. It seems that the cuck does not interact with the woman, only takes commands from her), and those who are voyeurs (they want to watch another man having sex, and/or they want to watch their woman being pleasured, and therefore they want the 'best' man possible).

The cuckolded man experiences mental anguish and humiliation, but wrestling with these feelings, turns into the most intense arousal and pleasure. Sometimes it's because their woman is with another, admired by another and lusted after (competitive spirit). The sex scene is always in his memory for him to use in private later, and that's his reward.

Some men like to have sex right after the cuckolding sex - also the competitive spirit, my sperm will over ride yours. This can also be the re-activation of the 'hunter' mentality that existed when he was courting her - trying to win her. The wanting, desiring, lusting were strong emotions that may have diminished in every day life.

Some men find the emotions are a source of pleasure - so a psychological masochism. Intense emotions are experienced, like jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, lust.

Some men want to feel alive. Others to feel diminished from the loss of control (this when the wife becomes the Mistress, and especially if she adds in humiliation aspects by saying how much better the bull is to the cuck, etc).

I still wasn't really understanding the thrill in all of this for the cuckolded guy. I know I have issues with humiliation, but this was way way out of anything I could even stretch to. I was firmly stuck in the thought that to humiliate someone was to deny his humanity, to make him feel less than worthy. And how anyone could get off on that was beyond me.

And then I went hunting in psychology today papers and found this:

Highly secure or self-confident people who believe that they are in the right rarely feel shame at their humiliation.
A light bulb went on in my head. The profile of the cuck made sense to me now.

There was also a bit that mentioned hazing rituals are also a form of humiliation. How many times have I read about those happening in Ivy League Schools in the USA? Suddenly, the fetish began to have some clarity about it. But it took me days, and a lot of reading to get to this understanding. I just wrote some notes to show my journey, because I knew I had this post coming up.

So...how do you feel about the new twist on an old secret shame?

Wildlife Wednesday - crab

Once again, I've no idea what this crab is! I thought maybe a ghost crab, but this is about 10 cm big, not the 4 cm that ghost crabs grow to be (this is my post on Ghost Crabs).

Then I thought maybe surf crab because apparently they're the only crabs in Sydney with two red spots on their back - but must be different down the coast, because surf crabs have modified back legs as swimmers, and this guy just has legs.

It's like what I'd call a fiddler crab with one nipper much much bigger than the other...and maybe that's just what he is. You can find some info here.

It says that they're found - Fiddler crabs are intertidal animals that live in mangrove forests, tidal creeks, sandbars, mudflats or, occasionally, stone or boulder beaches. - 
and that's not where I found this one. Our beach is a sandy beach and we're halfway along, so no stones or rocks are near us. We are near a river and a sandbar, so it's possible he got washed into the sea and I was just lucky enough to catch him coming out.

He was asleep (?) when I saw him. I took the first photo and another, thinking that he was probably dead but the photo was going to be okay. Then I'm squatting in front of him, like in the second shot but a little more straight on, when all of a sudden his eyes popped up on his stalks. How I didn't end up flat on my backside to be drowned in the next wave, I'll never know. I laughed like a kid, then sat chatting to the crab while I took more photos. I'm ever so glad our beach is usually empty! People would have thought I was mad :)

Sunday Story: What if the data suggests you're wrong?

I've got a science background, so reviewing, evaluating and trying something new are almost second nature to me. I do it automatically, without consciously thinking. But in the writing game, I've been trying to think things through more thoroughly than I would if this was just 'for fun'. I'm trying to make this a career, so I need to look at it like a business, which means properly evaluating. Unfortunately, my data is small so proper evaluation isn't possible, so I've got to go off what I feel the data's saying...which isn't very scientific, but all I have!

I only have a few books out. They've got varying lengths because of how the story worked, or the format I wrote them for. Most are written in first person, present tense because that's what I most like to read, what I felt comfortable with, and how I wanted to write. Then I was asked to write Lana for the Housewives project and I had to write in third person, past tense. I managed with a fair bit of help :)

There's always been a lot of discussion in writers' circles about people who HATE first person and say that they'll never read a book written in that format. I've always ignored those comments as best I can. There are a lot of successful books written in first person. How could they be successful if people refused to read first person? It didn't seem possible.

So...my books have sold about 200 copies in their lifetime. Except for Lana, which has sold about double that number.

Double that number!

I know that's not a big number of books...but it's twice as many as my other books. Twice!

Lana is in third person. My first book in third person. Do you reckon people have bought it because it's in third person and nothing else I write is?

I don't know.

It's part of a series with 10 other authors, some of who have big readerships, so the extra sales could have come from there.

But what if it's because of the third person thing? What if I've been wrong all this time?

I can't tell for sure because these are small numbers, I only have a few books, and I don't know why the sales are different...but I have to give it a shot that I might have it wrong. Maybe I need to write in third person.

I have another book that's part of a multi-author series in the pipeline, and it's also in third person, plus this time I even managed to add a male perspective not just the female. But I think I'm going to write my next stand alone book in third person. Bugger that I have 25K already in first, but I have to give this a go. I have to see if I can up my sales. I'm not writing really successful breakout novels, so maybe those in the 'middle of the pack' should be sticking to what works for the masses. So I'm going to give it a go.

I'll no doubt be checking figures and reevaluating again and again and again. I'll let you know how I go. I can always go back to first person - or write each story however I feel it's needed. Let's see how we go :)

Phallic Friday - pain

This week's fetish is fairly routine after some of the ones we've done. Pain.

Some people get sexual satisfaction from receiving pain; some get sexual satisfaction from giving pain (this one is called sadism).

I'm pretty cerebral and I get lost in my own head sometimes, so if I'm lashed with a bit of pain, it can jar me from becoming lost in myself - and if sex is involved, can tip me into a spectacular orgasm :) But if you go too hard on the pain - you'll hurt me, I'll cry and orgasms will be a long way off! So for me, there's a bit of fine line. And if you don't listen and react to me, there are no second chances.

For other people, they may not have limits on their pain threshold. They may love being pushed further and further each time. They may adore losing all thoughts and just becoming lost in the euphoria that the pain gives them.

But to know how much pain someone likes to receive/inflict, you need a lot of communication. Maybe not so much talking about it before you start, although that's probably a good thing, but also during the sex play. You have to know how to communicate, or how to see, when the limits are reached.

Sadists are usually a Dominant in a BDSM relationship (although not all Doms/Dommes are sadists). But sadists can also just be bastards who abuse a relationship, or abuse a stranger.

If you're playing with a sadist, I think it's really important that the communication is excellent. With pain, what's acceptable for one, may not work for another and both of you need to know that, and work out limits, expectations and care. If you're really going to be hurt, make sure you have plans for your care afterwards and for unexpected emergencies.

Let's have a look at Tiffany Reisz's book, The Saint or the whole Original Sinners series, really. Soren is a sadist, and also a priest. Eleanor is a young girl in his parish, who at the start of the book is not legal. I read this book, and I loved the nuances in it. I thought it was clever, and a really interesting way to explore sadism and Dominance, which developed into a highly complex, adult relationship.

But have a look on Goodreads or Amazon at the readers' reviews. On Amazon, 82% of people gave it 5 stars and loved it. But there are a couple of low starred reviews with people commenting on the characters' lack of loyalty to each other, and others appalled by the violence in the sex. Some are queasy reading the sex scenes. In other reviews, the reader felt Soren groomed Eleanor and likened it to paedophilia. Others say that Reisz pushed the sex too far. There's a wide interpretation of what people like and find acceptable - even though I imagine only people who are fans of erotic romance would chose to read this book.

With pain, like so much about sex, everyone has different limits, expectations and experiences.

Wildlife Wednesday - sea sponge

We have lots of sea sponges wash up on our beach. I think they're one of the most beautiful soft corals in the sea. They're really very delicately 'woven' and if you look closely, the intricate patterns are beautiful. Underwater they can let in some amazing light patterns.

There are lots of different types of sea sponges, some look like the sponges you may use in the bath, others like like blobs of muck, some of the sponges that are washed on the shore are the exoskeletons of the sponge after the sponge itself has died.

The Queensland Museum has some excellent information about sponges. You can find it here.

I've pinched snippets of information for you -

"Many species of sponges are actually capable of some locomotion, just very slowly. ...sponge larvae are highly mobile, capable of crawling across the sea bed, but generally adult sponges are firmly attached to the seabed."

"Many or most sponges reproduce sexually at some stage of their life cycle, producing larvae that can disperse and recolonise new habitats. These larvae are either incubated within the parent and born live (vivipary), or the eggs and sperm (gametes) are broadcast directly into the seawater where fertilisation takes place (ovipary). Oviparous sponges may have separate sexes (gonochoric), or may be capable of changing sex, from male to female and back again, in sequence (sequencially hermaphroditic)."

Asexual reproduction also occurs in sponges with some budding and others fragmenting to produces new sponges (little clones).

Next time you're having a bath with a sea sponge...you can wonder about its previous sex life :)

Phallic Friday - touching strangers

This fetish is about getting sexual gratification from touching strangers, especially surreptitiously. This is called Frotteurism.

Have you ever done this, or had it done to you?

I must admit that in my younger years, when dancing and after having more than a few drinks, I have been known to rub up against guys to 'check out their package'. A friend told me she always did it, and I thought she was kidding. But I tried it and it was a lot of fun - for both people. Oh, so I guess I wasn't doing this surreptitiously, hey? If you've had a few too many drinks, nothing is very sneaky, is it?

This has happened to me too, especially when I was going to school on public transport. Mostly I thought it was just a crowded train so I'll never really know if they were rubbing against me and getting off on it.

But once, I was on a train heading away from Sydney towards Melbourne (the overnighter) and it was an old train with those dog boxes (that's what we called them, maybe not the technical name), where there were sectioned off  'rooms' along the carriage and each 'room' had two bench seats facing each other where 4 - 5 people could sit on each side. Above were luggage racks and space below the seats too. It was cold and draughty, but when the windows and doors were closed and night fell, it could be kind of snuggly (there was a funny little heater too for winter nights).

So this night I'm on the train with a bunch of strangers but we'd chatted while the sun was up and shared food and what not. It was a mix of guys and girls, young and old. The train was going to arrive at my destination about 2.30 am, so I'd always sleep and the conductor would wake me (and any passenger, if you remained in your assigned seat). So I'm asleep, and I'm toasty warm, snuggled up, and absolutely loving the bliss...except I started to wake, to find I'm cocooned by the guy who was next to me (he looked like a muso - long hair, angular features, he was really quiet and intense) and we have a doona over us...and he's not just rubbing himself against my butt and leg, he has his hands on my breasts and he's going for it. OMG. I had no idea what to do. Everyone's asleep. He's almost there and I'm feeling pretty damn good, if a little weirded out. What the hell should I do?

I pretended to stay asleep :) It seemed the easiest option. He got his satisfaction, I wasn't completely embarrassed, and then the conductor came to wake me. I smiled and thanked the guy before racing away!

Mum would have told me that I should have screamed and reported him. Probably most sane people would say the same. But I didn't. I didn't want to embarrass him, the rest of the people, myself. Besides, he was hardly harming me...there was no penetration, no clothing removal, and even his hands were gentle and remained on my outer garments. I wasn't hurt. In a way I kind of enjoyed the strange event...and I remember it even though it happened over 20 years ago. It was one of those weird encounters that you're not sure if it happened or you dreamed it. I wonder now if he had this fetish, or if he was just taking advantage of an unsuspecting, sleeping traveller?

I think this is one of those peculiar but kind of fun fetishes.

If you want to read a story that delves into this fetish, try Charlotte Stein's Closer. This is the blurb:

Judy has a bad habit, one that gets worse during the busy Christmas season. She likes to rub against strangers on trains. And with all the hot businessmen on her route, she’s not kicking the habit anytime soon. After all, she’s not really hurting anyone. But she definitely feels dirty when a gorgeous stranger catches her in the act—until it’s clear he wants to join in, and he’s not the type to take no for an answer. In fact, he isn’t taking no for an answer on a lot of things.Judy may think she’s only willing to go so far, or get so close. But Holt thinks differently…

Well, that was tricky to find. If you want to read it, you'll have to find it in the anthology Merry Kinkmas and buy it from Ellora's Cave. The link is here and it's on special for $5 - containing more than just this fabulous story.

Wildlife Wednesday - Crow/Raven

I've been feeding magpies for a while now and the Currawongs, Butcherbird and Crows have now started to appear for the scraps. They're not eating when I go inside, but they're on the outskirts while I feed the magpies, eating anything they can find and looking forlornly at me in the hope that I throw far and wide - which sometimes I do.

But it made me wonder if this visitor was a raven or a crow. So I had to go and consult my trusty Pizzey (A Field Guide to the Birds of Australia by Graham Pizzey).

He says, "Although the names 'raven' and 'crow' are used specifically for one or other Australian species, their differences are slight." (means I have no hope!) "In Australia, ravens differ from crows mostly in size and in the colour of the down at the base of the body-feathers." (see, I knew it!)

There are Australian Ravens, Forest Ravens, Little Ravens, Little Crows, House Crows and Torresian Crows. Australian Ravens and Little Ravens are both in my area. So I'm going to be a total wimp and not hazard a guess, except it's a raven :)

Pizzey tells me that they have white eyes when adult, so my visitor must be a juvenile. And their eyes are brown for a period of 12-15 months depending on species, then they turn hazel and move to white over time. Cool, huh?


I'm not sure how many more Wildlife Wednesdays I'm going to be able to do. I'm running out of local wildlife! But I have a bit of a holiday coming up, so maybe I can stock up on some out-of-town wildlife then. Until I replenish my supplies, I might extend the posts to include flowers...and yes, I'll be as hopeless at identifying them as I am with critters, maybe worse!!