J.T. Kalnay's Blog

Dear Karen

Dear Karen,

What happened?  Why have you forsaken me?  You and I used to be so good together.  Whenever I felt worthless or weak I would use you to build myself back up by “doing” you in under 5 minutes.  I used to do you over and over, and it was always so satisfying.  I used to do you in private, with my own clock.  And I used to do you in public, to the admiration of others.  Is that why you torture me and haunt me so now?  Was I too boastful?  Did I use this wonderful thing called CrossFit for the wrong purposes?  Would you have preferred if I had kept our numerous liaisons private?  Is that it?  Are you upset that I left you for the other Girls?  Like Grace?  And Helen?  Don’t you remember how much fun it was as I rode up and down and up and down with that delicious round weight cradled in my arms against my chest.  Dropping down then rising up and heaving the weight to the target over and over.  Don’t you remember how I’d start slow, then build, then build, then finally find that powerful rhythm until we could both sense the end, the completion, that amazing release that left me gasping on the floor, bathed in sweat, bathed in your glory, dripping in your passion, sated as only you could do.

 

So why do you mock me now?  Why do you do this to me?  In public.  Is it a combination of things that lurk inside your twisted Byzantine mind?  Is it the replacement parts?  No, that can’t be it, because I lift heavier than ever.  Is it how infrequently I visit you?  No, that can’t be it either because the other girls I only do occasionally still let me have my way with them.  They let me toy with their 95# or 1 pood kettles and post my times to the admiration of my peers.  They don’t mind that I do them in public, if only once every other month.  So what is it?  My front squat is double what it used to be, my back squat triple.  That 20# feels so light in my hands, so light as I ride down with it then explode up and up. 

So what is it?  What?  Are you pointing at my log book or my gut?  Both you say?  You say the log book shows too much strength work and not enough motor work?  And my gut spilling over my pants shows the inescapable toll of ice cream, cookies, chocolate, and other decadence?  Is that it?  You feel  you have to punish me because I overeat?  Because I have been seducd by the power of 500 pound deadlifts and 250 pound clean and jerks?  Is that it.  You hate me because I love another? 

That’s not it?  What are you saying?  What?  I’m punishing myself?  How can that be?  I’m delusional?  I’m self-sabotaging by picking and choosing and becoming a specialist?  You want a more rounded man?  Someone who lifts and yet can still ride you up and down with that old increasing powerful tempo we used to have?  Is that it?

I thought you were cruel this morning when you mocked me with that 13:42 staring down from the clock in large pulsating red numbers.  But now you are being even more cruel than I thought you could be.  I’d seen you humble other men and other women.  I never knew you would be that way to me.  You don’t have to be that way.  What did I ever do to you?  What?  I thought I mastered you?  Is that it?  And then I abandoned you for the comforts of cold steel bars, thick rubber bumper plates, soft ice cream, and liquid forgetfulness?  Is that it?  Why do you feel like you need to remind me of these things.  You’re a bitch Karen.  I hope I never see you again.  No wait, I didn’t mean it.  Come back.

I’m not upset about the Open any more.  About how you crippled me after just 142 reps.  How you held me back from the dubs and muscle ups.  I’m not mad at you for exposing my flaws like that in public.  Didn’t I just do you again today?  The best I could.  Haven’t I worked on “Air Karen” and 6# Karen?  Don’t they count?  Come back.  Please let me do you again, better, the way we used to be.  It’s not too late.  I’ll get better.  I promise.  What?  You don’t want me to do you until my gut is smaller?  How can I get a smaller gut if you won’t let me do you?  Paleo?  Zone?  Half the sugar and crap?  Karen don’t do this to me.  What?  I’m doing it to myself.  Karen, come back, please.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

Dear CrossFit, Box Jumps and Step Ups Are Different Exercises

Yes they both get your heart going, and yes I step down from both, but they are fundamentally different exercises.  A box jump requires an explosive movement that is co-ordinated from both feet through the entire body.  A step up requires a walking and pressing movement similar to what we do all day every day when we are walking.  A box jump requires us to exit our comfort zone and enter the “I could miss this and bark my shins” zone.  A step up allows us to stay in our comfort zone of walking up stairs.  A box jump requires us to swing both arms at the same time to generate momentum.  A step up is performed with one arm moving at a time.  A box jump can be missed, a step up is rarely missed.  Step ups are hard for me because I’m old, obese, immobile and have some replacement parts.  Box jumps are really hard for the same reason, and even harder because I am actually afraid that I will miss one.

So what do we do?  I think we do both.  Step ups are an excellent cardio exercise, an excellent mobility exercise, especially as the box gets higher, and an excellent strength exercise if we really focus on pressing.  Box jumps are an excellent way to develop explosive power, and to to work on being quick.  At my age things slow down in a hurry (kinda like when Brandon Weeden enters the Browns huddle).  Double unders, clapping drills, and box jumps held me maintain and even develop some speed in my hands and feet.  Speed in the hands and feet is really important at my age.  A slip and fall is a dangerous thing, especially if it’ll cause a prosthetic to dislocate.  So, today, in the box, when it said box jumps, I picked out the right sized box for me (12″ today) and did box jumps with step downs.  I was scared on every one, but I’m glad I did it.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

CrossFit Open 2014

Five months to go.  What are you doing to get ready?  Here’s what you absolutely MUST be doing:

Increasing the amount of force you can produce  (get strong), increasing the speed at which you can apply that force (get fast), increasing the amount of time over which you can apply force (gain endurance).  If you work on all three, you will do better than you did last year.

Get Strong (improve how much force you can produce in 1RM)

Increase your C&J to at least the level of last year’s heaviest lift in your age group.

Increase your snatch to at least the level of last year’s heaviest lift in your age group.

Increase your thruster to at least the level of last year’s heaviest thruster in your age group.

Increase your deadlift to at least the level of last year’s heaviest thruster in your age group.

Increasing your max height box jump.

Increasing your max weight strict pullup.

Increasing your max weight burpee.

Increasing your 1RM in these movements does two things, first, it will give you 1 rep at the heavier weight, where 99% of the rest of the competitors get no rep.  Second, it will make doing multiple reps at the lighter weights feel easier because you will be working farther and farther below your 1RM.  How do you do this?  Cycle through each of these movements one every other day, get warm by doing burpees and double unders, do 5 reps at 50% of your 1RM, do 3 reps at 75% of your 1RM, do 1 rep at 80% of your 1RM, then do 3 reps at or above 90% of your 1RM.  That’s your strength workout for that day.

 

Get Fast (improve how quickly you can apply force)

Increase your cycle rate on thrusters, wall ball shots, and air squats.

Increase your cycle rate on pullups, T2B.

Increase your cycle rate on double unders.

Increase your cycle rate on burpees.

Increase your cycle rate on box jumps.

Increasing your cycle rate will allow you to go at 80% and not cross the red line.  How do you do this?  EMOM will become your friend.  Find your 1 minute max (1MM) for each of these movements.  After you’ve done your warmup for the strength portion described above, pick two of these, and do a couplet of EMOM.  Do ten minutes alternating between the two movements where you do 40% of your 1MM as fast as possible (faster than your 1MM rate)  For example, if you can do 20 burpees in a minute, you would do 8 burpees at lightning fast speed then rest the rest of the minute.  If you can do 10 pullups in a minute, you would then do 4 pullups as fast as you can and then rest the rest of the minute.

THEN, after you’ve done this “warmup”, pick one of the strength movements from Get Strong, then EMOM do 10 sets of 2 reps at 40% of your 1RM with 25% accomodating resistance where you move the bar as fast as possible.

Gain Endurance

Kalsu, Cindy, Death by XXX, drag a sled

Do four different types of WODs that last from 10-30 minutes.  Don’t try to finish these for numbers, put a time cap on and work until the time cap.  There is no point in digging a hole any deeper than 30 minutes, and rarely is there any point in digging a hole deeper than 15 minutes.

The first is EMOM like Kalsu, (x burpees and then a big strength movement (e.g., thrusters)) or Air Forc (x burpees and then rotate through strength movements).

The second is a long triplet like Cindy where you alternate through body weight exercises for the whole time period.  You simply cannot stop.  This is endurance work.  It is supposed to train your mind as much as your body to NEVER stop moving.

The third is the death by XXX approach, where you do 1 rep of a movement in the first minute, then 2 reps in the 2nd movement, and so on, until you can’t do the number of reps in that interval.  Put a time cap of 30 minutes.  If you finish all 30 movements, add weight.

The fourth is to load up the sled and pull it.  Put on a weight that you can pull doing heel/toe walking for 15 minutes.  When you can pull the sled for 15 minutes, add weight.  DO NOT RUN, walk continuously.

 

So it’s simple, get strong, get fast, and keep moving without stopping.

WARNING

Exercising in general, and Training For The Open Are Inherently Dangerous Activities Where You May Be Seriously Injured Or Die.  You should not depend on any information in this post for your personal safety or improvement.  Your personal safety and improvement depends solely on your own good judgment, your own good choices, the quality and care of your equipment, and your abilities.  There are no warranties, express or implied, that this approach is beneficial, or safe, or that the information in it is reliable.  Your use of this post indicates your assumption of the risks inherent in exercising hard and is an acknowledgement of your sole responsibility for your own safety.  The user of this approach assumes all risks and responsibilities associated with the practice described herein and absolves the publisher and author of blame for any accident, injury, or harm that may occur through use of this information.  Those unfamiliar with the techniques and equipment required to perform any of the exercises described herein are advised to not perform these activities or to seek professional instruction.  If you do these workouts in this way you are likely to throw up, may be injured, and may die.  You expressly assume all the risks associated with using this information.

Dear CrossFit, Meeting Other Masters!

You know how you never know how it’s going to go when you meet an online friend in person?  This weekend, at a powerlifting cert in Ann Arbor, I unexpectedly and quite surprisingly got to meet two people from two different online groups of which I am a member.  It couldn’t have gone better.  One was a thirty something attorney disguised as a master’s CrossFitter who got to demonstrate the reverse hyper,  The other was a Games athlete disguised as a humble box owner who got to demonstrate a HUGE motor. Meeting each was excellent and fun, meeting both was spectacularly awesome.  I always talk about the CrossFit community, well, my personal community grew by two this weekend, and I am the richer for it.  I hope they send me FB friend requests!

BTW, have you ever seen a 176 pound kettlebell?

Neither had I…

So, I had to see if I could pick it up.

Yes I could lift it, and felt pretty cocky about doing so.

So naturally, I had to see whether I could swing it.

Note to self, a 45# kettlebell is plenty big!

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be… 

It’s A Can Of Chemicals

Family, friends, and longtime readers know that I’ve struggled for decades with addiction to Diet Coke.  Recent consultation with a behavioral psychologist has provided me with a powerful tool that is helping the process of defeating this addiction.  After talking about it, looking at it from many sides, figuring out how I feel about it, and every other possible therapy session approach, we have finally hit upon one useful tool.

Call it what it is.

It’s a can of chemicals.  It isn’t Diet Coke with a pretty bottle and stylish logo.  It’s a can of chemicals that are doing bad things to me.  Carbonated water, check, regular non-carbonated water is infinitely better.  Caramel color, check, look at the color of your dumps with and without the caramel color.  Aspartame, check, now we are on to the real culprit.  Put a mentos in a bottle of regular carbonated water and it fizzes up a little bit.  Put a mentos in a 2L of diet coke and it will shoot up 10-15 feet.  Mythbusters tried this and isolated the aspartame as the culprit.  Spend a few minutes looking up what aspartame is.  It’s a horrible horrible chemical.  Phosphoric acid, check, it’s an acid in a body that does better without the introduction of extra acid.  Potassium benzoate (to protect taste), check, another chemical we don’t need.  Natural flavors, okay, but how were they extracted and put into the can of chemicals.  Citric acid, check, more acid.  Caffeine, check, on its own, a little caffeine improves a lot of things, but in a can of chemicals its sole role is to addict you to the aspartame and other chemicals.  You drink more and more, while getting more and more thirsty because you need more water than is in the can of chemicals to flush the nasty chemicals out of your system.

It’s a can of chemicals, and it’s ruled me for too long.  I got addicted to the caffeine and aspartame, and along with other reasons, gained a LOT of weight.  Removing the can of chemicals still isn’t easy, but calling it what it is provides the opportunity to derail the habit of reaching for the can of chemicals.  When you see me, remind me it’s a can of chemicals.

Now, to figure out what to call C12H22O11 in the form of Hagen Daz and its equivalents.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

Dear CrossFit, Powerlifting With World Record Holder Laura Phelps

It’s not often that when there are thirty people in a room, even a box, that I know I’m one of the weakest people there.  It’s also extremely rare when there are several people who know more physics that I do (except, of course, when I’m with Mark G. or Jeff. D. at CWRU, then I’m in the bottom percentile…)  Today, however, both situations existed simultaneously.  WTF?

It was humbling to be sure, and yet inspiring in its own way.

Shane Sweatt and Laura Phelps from Westside Barbell and Conjugate CrossFit visited Ann Arbor today (and tomorrow) to teach power-lifting (squats, deadlifts, bench presses) and the accessory movements that help the big lifts.  They are teaching the Conjugate method that combines maximum effort lifting (e.g., 1RM) and dynamic effort lifting (e.g., 12×2 at 50% with accommodating resistance (bands, chains) EMOM).  Max effort makes you stronger, so you can create more force.  Dynamic effort makes you faster, so you can create the force faster.  For longevity and injury prevention you mix the two.  Then, for CrossFitters, you add metcons of accessory movements that give you endurance.

It turns out power-lifting isn’t all hulking sweaty guys and stupid volume.  Instead, it’s a very cerebral mix of math, biomechanics, and physics built on top of nutrition, hydration, and rest.  Also, it’s mobility, mobility, mobility to help you achieve optimal position and then maintain optimal position.  Who knew that power-lifting was more Big Bang Theory and less mindless grunting?  Now I do.

Recall that last weekend I was at a Strongman seminar with Rob Orlando.  From one point of view, Westside Conjugate Method could not be more different from Rob Orlando’s DBB (drive by brail) approach.  But, from another point of view, they are identical.  Both get their results from the same physiological/neurological response that comes from lifting heavy things in constantly varied ways.  Interestingly, the diminutive guy who had the biggest deadlift today was wearing a Hybrid Athletics t-shirt…  But wait a minute, you say, Conjugate Method Powerlifting constantly varied?  I don’t think so.  Think again.  We were lectured on no less than 27 different squat variations and 15 different deadlift variations.  I imagine that tomorrow I will find out there are a lot of bench press variations as well.  So yes, it’s constantly varied so long as you can put on your thinking cap and can keep yourself out of mindless repetition.

One of my big takeaways from today is “accommodating resistance.”  As you finish a lift, your leverage advantage makes the lift easier.  When you add chains to a bar, or strap the bar down with resistance bands, the weight gets heavier near the maximum extension of the lift.  Also, the cycle time increases because the bands are pulling the bar back towards the starting position.  Having the lift get heavier forces you to work throughout the entire range of motion.  Having to cycle faster increases your power output.  If you’ve never trained with accommodating resistance (or, like me, had no idea what it was), I highly encourage you to check into it.

Another big takeaway was that doing other variations of your movements can help the movement you want to make get better.  For example, who doesn’t want to have a better back squat?  I know I do.  But do you just grind away at the same movement week after week?  Today we did box squats, which separate the contracting phase (squatting down) from the extending phase (standing up).  So, you don’t get any “bounce” at the bottom.  This activates muscles in completely different ways.  Training box squats is certainly going to make my “regular” squat better.  Similarly, today we did “sumo deadlifts” instead of “conventional” deadlifts.  With the sumo deadlift your feet are very wide (I didn’t actually know my feet could spread that far) and your grip is more narrow.  If your sumo number is more than 10% off your conventional number, or vice versa, you have just identified a mobility and/or muscle imbalance.  My sumo number (fifth highest in the class, which really surprised me) was more than 25% off my conventional number, which revealed a couple mobility issues (biceps, hips) and a muscle imbalance issue.  BTW, two of the four who lifted more than me are women.

In conclusion, if you really do seek to surround yourself with excellence, you will often find yourself at the bottom of the food chain.  Luckily, the higher beings in CrossFit so far have chosen to help me pull myself up towards them, rather than devouring me or putting me down.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  CrossFit community, both local in your box where you get day-to-day coaching, comaraderie, and co-misery, and global where you get to sweat with world champions, world record holders, and Ph.D.’s in bio-mechanics and physics, is the best part of the sport.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

Dear CrossFit, Will I Ever Learn?

I’m on the road (again).  Regular readers know that bad things happen when I visit Globos on the road.  But there wasn’t a box anywhere near the hotel, or anywhere remotely close by (which was kind of surprising).  I know better than to do “CrossFit” exercises at Globo, but no matter how far I dumb it down, someone has to butt in.  There I was simply holding a goblet squat when a guy even fatter than me kind-heartedly told me I was going to hurt my knees by going in to a squat.  Strike one.  I let it go.  Smiled, nodded, got up out of my squat.  I started doing some easy KB swings with the dumbell I’d been using for the squat.  Kind hearted corpulent (who still hadn’t exercised in any way I could discern) explained to me how I was going to hurt my back by swing that weight.  Strike two.  I let it go.  Push-ups?  “They’ll hurt your shoulders.”  A foul straight back, still strike two.  Plank?  “You won’t get any workout from doing that.”  Another foul ball, still 0-2.  “Maybe you ought to walk on the treadmill?” he said.  In my mind I said “if I walk a mile on the treadmill will you go away?”  Outwardly, I half-smiled, nodded, and headed towards the treadmills, where I dutifully walked a mile.  Know-it-all globo-fat-guy didn’t disappear.  He came closer.  He reached in to press the speed button to make it go faster, then reached across and increased the incline.  Friends and family have seen the look that came to my face.  It scares children, curdles milk, and makes rabid feral dogs look for easier prey.  Not my globo-tormentor.  I pressed the stop button.  I counted backwards from 10, then again from 20.  I stepped off the treadmill, headed towards the locker room, ready to collect my sweats and cross the streat back to my hotel where, hopefully, the doorman or someone would stop this nightmare.  Into the dressing room I go.  Tormentor-nightmare follows.

“I know who you are,” he said.

I glared out from under my furry eyebrows.

“The exercising in The Flats was completely unbelievable.  No-one would do that.”

The lightning that shot out of my eyes singed my eyebrows, the thunder that erupted from my throat shook dust down from the flourescent lights.  Tim and Jeff know what happens next.  Regular readers know what happens next.

“What was unbelievable about it?” I asked.

Even-fatter-than-me-guy explained that exercises had to be done one at a time, in isolation, and that doing double unders and burpees together, or air squats and burpees together, or boxups and pullups together, are baaaaaaaaaaaad.  That they can’t and shouldn’t be done together.

“If I do ten air squats, then ten burpees, then ten box ups, then ten pullups together will you leave me alone?” I asked.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself.  Don’t you have an artificial hip?”  (So he really did know who I was).

“If I do ten air squats, then ten burpees, then ten boxups, then ten pullups in less than five minutes will you donate $100 to mother’s opposed to bullying?” I asked.  “Or to Paws Fur Thought?”

“Yes.  But I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Thanks,” I said. 

I did the air squats, then the burpees, then the boxups, then the pullups.

“I’m not paying.  Those aren’t pullups,” he said.  (I kipped, got them unbroken).

I left the gym.  Walked back to my hotel, and asked the doorman whether anyone was following me.

“No sir,” he said.

“Thank you,” I answered.  “Could you please send someone across the street to the gym to collect my sweats?  I forgot them.”

“Yes sir,” he said.

I had spent almost all my self-control simply walking away from the evil evil man who criticized me, my exercise, and my book.  I had almost no self-control left.  Yet there was more work to be done.  I walked past the bar, where the beers and Pinot Grigio called me, their stupifying comforts just a nod to the bartender away.  I walked past the snack shop, where chocolate pleaded and begged, it’s sugar-high and sleepy crash as close as a nod to the pretty little foreign girl behind the candy counter.  I walked to the elevators, and rode up to my floor, and now I sit in my room, trying to unclench my jaw, trying to understand why people can’t just let me do burpees or goblet squats.  Why can’t they just leave me be.  So with all my self-control gone I sit here desparately trying to ignore the screaming wails of the Hagen Daz that reach through the walls frm the freezer in the concierge room.

Note to “my people”: don’t ever book me into a hotel where there isn’t a box within 800 yards again.  If you do, it’ll be your last act for me.  I’m never going to globo on the road again.  Ever.  From now on it’ll be burpees and planks in the hotel room, or walking around the block, or swimming in the pool.  But no more road-globo, ever, like never (to quote Taylor Swift).

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

CrossFit Then and Now

You may have heard people mention “The CrossFit Community.”  I know I talk about it, a lot.  It’s probably the main reason I continue at this incredibly painful, humbling, brutal, and rewarding activity.  I keep going, in part, because of the people in the sport.  The people are both the regular guys who train everyday alongside at the box and the good-hearted freaks of nature who don’t mind sweating right alongside you in the box either.  The people are the school teacher with a shed behind his house, a NASA engineer who drops in while not rock climbing, the triathlete who knew she had to get stronger, the 300 pound woman who is now 145 and even hotter than she was before, and the high schoolers who aren’t getting pushed around anymore because they’ve got a positive self image and a few muscles to boot.   Part of the sustainability of the CrossFit community is the travelling roadshow that is a cert.  I go to certs.  I like certs.  I get to meet like minded people, sweat, get dirty, and meet experts.  I also drop in whenever I travel, and since I travel a lot, I figure I’ve dropped into about 300+ boxes.  On a drop-in years ago I got to train with Rob Orlando at Jason Khalipa’s box.   This weekend I got to train with Rob Orlando again in Akron.  I knew I had a photo from the WOD years ago.  It’s interesting to see the two photos side by side, to see how Rob’s changing philosophy (getting lighter) has changed his physique, and to see how consistent CrossFit has changed my physique.

You be the judge.  Is CrossFit a sustainable activity?  These photos say yes.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be..

Dear CrossFit, Cold Bar With Rob Orlando

Yesterday at the Strongman Cert there was an interesting and lively discussion of the “cold bar” phenomenon.  Rob Orlando describes himself as “his own experiment.”  One experiment he performed was called “cold bar”.  Rob picked a weight that he knew he could bench press and put that weight on the bar in his basement and would, at random times, go down and bench press it, cold.  No warmup, no calculating 80% of 1rm, no flossing etc.  Sometimes he pressed it once, sometimes he pressed it multiple times.  He picked a weight he KNEW he could do without warmup and then did it, over and over, accumulating reps, training his MIND that this weight was no problem.  Over a period of time he increased the weight as he became more confident in what his “walk up and press this weight” weight was.  Eventually the number approached his 1RM.  This wasn’t the only lifting Rob did during Cold Bar, he continued to do his regular “constantly varied” lifting and strongman.  Still, intrigued, Rob decided to repeat the experiment at his box in Connecticut.  He put a bar with 275# on the floor and left it there.  People would come in and deadlift it, no warmup, no nothing.  Eventually this bar also came to have a huge number on it and people dramatically reduced the amount of time they spent working up to their 1RM.  The neuroendocrine response occurs a the limit, not during warmup!

So what does this mean?  Should we all eschew warmup in all its forms?  That’s not the point of the experiment.  The point is that we are all capable of much more than we believe.  We can do amazing things if we can just get our mind out of the way.  We’ve heard stories of people lifting cars off trapped loved ones and lifting beams in fires and so on.  There was no time for a warmup.  We’ve heard of firemen carrying victims down multiple flights of stairs with no warmup.  Sometimes life doesn’t give us the chance to mobilize and warm up and then approach the bar.  But then again, sometimes life doesn’t give us the option of letting our minds get in the way.

I’m going to do my own cold bar experiment, this ought to be interesting.  And I hope Rob writes the short book about cold bar like he mentioned.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…

Dear CrossFit, Strongman Cert Demonstrates Definition of CrossFit

“We want to send you home dirty, tired, and sore, after having had a lot of fun.”  Rob Orlando, September 14, 2013, StrongMan Cert in Akron, Ohio.  Well Rob, you did just that.  Rob is a friendly, highly accomplished, well-spoken freak of nature who spent some quality time with me.  I had the good fortune to train with him today, which included flipping tires, lifting atlas stones, lifting kegs, carrying a yoke, doing farmer’s handle carries, and using the log.  We’d had a chance to train once before, on September 9, 2009 at Jason Khalipa’s box in San Jose while Rob was on the East Coast vs. Norcal tour (I have a photo of this and will find it and post it, Rob is 40 pounds lighter today than he was then).  Anyway, how does all this equal “Strongman Cert Demonstrates Definition of CrossFit?”

Rob wrote a definition of CrossFit on the board: “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movements, of large loads, long distances, quickly.”  Let’s see how strongman fits the definition (hint, it fits it very well).

Constantly Varied: check!  flipping tires (I got a 682# tire to flip!) is not something I do every day.  It’s not something anyone does every day.  It’s different, but useful.  I will admit I’ve flipped a tire before, and even wrote about it. http://jtkalnaynovels.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/dear-crossfit-i-flipped-a-tire-and-i-liked-it/  But I didn’t know how to do it right.  Now I do.  Flipping tires has a lot of technique to it.  And some of that technique is counter-intuitive to an adult.  But flipping a tire is hugely functional.  Compare flipping a tire to pushing a car stuck in the sand, pushing the grandchildren in the stroller over uneven terrain, making a huge bottom ball or a snowman.  In my book, anything that involves the grandchildren or snowmen is functional!  A 683# is also a large load, and when you flip it the length of a tennis court, that counts as a long distance in my book.

Constantly Varied: check, check lifting atlas stones, lifting kegs.  I’d never done this before (I thought), but then realized this is the same as hoisting that 50# bag of dog food up onto my shoulder, or flipping one of the kids up on my shoulder, or getting that BIG log up onto the log splitter, or getting that 20 foot long 8×8 up on my shoulder and then walking it from the truck to the job site or any of the hundred other things that I didn’t realize were CrossFit Strongman.  We lift heavy stuff that has odd shapes from ground to our shoulder all the time.  Now I know how to do it better.

Constantly Varied: check, check, check carrying a yoke (I carried a yoke loaded with 500# for 50′, and was able to move the yoke loaded with 600#).  It was really impressive to see some guys smaller than me move the 600# 50′.  Anyway, I’ve never lifted a yoke before, I thought, but then realized it was a whole lot like giving the bigger kids a piggy back ride, or carrying really heavy stuff around the farm on my shoulders, or moving that 20′ 8×8 beam, or doing a fireman’s carry with a wounded infantryman over my shoulder.  Firemen do this all the time when they’re carrying hoses to the scene, and removing victims from the scene.  Functional?  ’nuff said.

Constantly Varied: check, check, check, check carrying heavy loads using farmer’s handles.  Once again, I’d never done this before, but then remembered back to 1979-82 when occasionally there was an ammunition box to be carried from point a to point b.  And then I thought about bringing in the groceries in one trip (instead of 3 or 4), or moving a wheelbarrow full of dirt around the farm.  So, there’s no doubt that the movements we did today CRUSHED constantly varied, and functional, and heavy, and long distance.  As I’ve pointed out for each movement, it is also functional.

When I think functional, I think “what is going to keep me at home, instead of in the home (e.g., nursing home)?  It’s the ability to get in and out of bed by myself, to get on and off the toilet by myself, the ability to get to and from the car by myself, the ability to get in and out of the car by myself, the ability to put groceries in the car and to get them from the car to the fridge, the ability to help my loved ones if they fall, the ability to help my loved ones get on/off the pot, in/out of bed, in/out the car, and so on.  It’s a lot of lifting loads and moving loads (and dropping a load?).  These are functional things to me.  The Strongman movements we did today involved moving yourself and a load from point a to point b.  If I’m going to stay at home, instead of going to the home, I’d like to be able to have some fun and be useful too.  Thus, I’d like to be able to lift the kids in/out of the playpen, lift the kids in/out of the car, push/pull them on the sleigh, build snowmen (BIG snowmen), push their stroller, move loved ones from place to place, and do other fun things that make life meaningful.  Strongman movements help with all this.

Large loads?  Check! 682# tire flip!  Yeah that’s large.  400# farmer carry?  Yeah that’s large.  500# yoke carry, 600# yoke lift?  Yeah that’s large!  The loads you can lift using some of the strong man implements are larger than the loads you can lift with an Oly bar, kettlebell, or anything else.  Once you get used to lifting a 500# yoke, a 400# deadlift isn’t going to be quite as intimidating.

Long distance?  Yes.  On an oly lift, you move the weight from the ground to overhead.  That’s 8 feet in my case.  When you carry the yoke, you carry it fifty feet (or further).  Which leads to a cautionary tale, watch the volume.  It’s easy to do a LOT of volume when doing strongman stuff.

Quickly?  Well, I’m in my silver years, and nothing moves that quickly (except my few remaining years), but yes other people were moving quite quickly at times.  So, Strongman training with Rob Orlando certainly satisfies the definition of CrossFit he provided.  It also satisfies my definition of CrossFit, training so that I won’t suck at life, so that I’ll be harder to kill, and so that I’ll be useful and fun.  If you get a chance to train with Rob, please consider doing so.

I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…