J.T. Kalnay's Blog, page 3
August 27, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Technique Matters (In Sex Too)
You never knew you could go this deep. You never knew it could be like this. You are so completely in the moment that everything and everyone else just falls away and there’s just you and now. You feel everything through your loose fingertip grip. Your core tightens, you pinch your ass tight, and all of a sudden your start to move. You feel every cell respond and before you know it you’re rising up and then you dump your load as a primal scream erupts from your throat. You’ve just done the perfect front squat.
Your coaches and training partners smile and bump knuckles as you feel the ever so deep satisfaction of yet another PR. If there’s one thing CrossFit teaches us, it’s that how you do it is critical. If you’ve got the right angles for your levers, then your levers can do magic. But you need a partner to work that magic. That partner is your CrossFit coach, and your lover. Together, if you communicate, you can produce magic that you might never discover on your own. Wait a minute. Are we still talking about CrossFit? Or are we talking about sex again?
In CrossFit, you might think you know how to do a clean and jerk because you’ve been jerking it all your life. But do you really know what you’re doing? Are you getting your back just right? Are your hands just right? Is your grip too tight or too loose? Are you rushing and pulling too soon? All these flaws can reduce your max effort. Same thing with your bed partner. Have you asked about your grip? Should it be tighter or looser? Have you asked about your angles and levers? Are they in the spots that produce the maximum result? Have you asked about the tempo? Should you be going faster or slower? What about reps? Some partners want a long slow half hour of quality AMRAP while other partners want 21-15-9 TIME!!!!
So, in CrossFit, you can do everything better if you listen to your coach. It’s the same in the bedroom. Just because you’ve been doing it one way your whole life doesn’t mean you couldn’t be doing it different and maybe better. If you ask your coach, your coach will tell you what they want. They’ll say faster, slower, deeper, open your hips, TIME! So ask, and achieve together what you just can’t get on your own.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be.
August 26, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Yes It Really Is About The Sex
You’ve never been here before. You didn’t know you could go this far. But now you can feel the end is coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. You don’t want to stop it anyway. You know it’s going to feel incredible. You are racing, your heart trying to pound out of your chest, and then it’s over. People cheer. You collapse. You’ve just done Fran the best you ever have. She’s left you sprawled and panting and wanting more, but tomorrow you won’t see Fran. It’ll be Cindy, or Karen, or Grace, or God-forbid Helen.
Here’s the passage from The Flats where John (the newbie who is all of a sudden getting laid) and Kurt (the coach who already gets laid) start the conversation. Kurt has just noticed that John is doing it with Lexi…
Kurt bumps knuckles with Lexi as she leaves then turns to look at me. He raises his eyebrow in that way he does that makes you feel like you have to spill your guts.
“Have other guys mentioned that they’re more interesting to women since they’ve been coming here?” I ask.
“It’s the testosterone,” Kurt says.
“What?”
“You lift heavy shit and there’s hot women around. Either one can jack up your testosterone, but with both of them? Yeah guys have told me they’ve never got laid so much as since they started doing this shit.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“Never been a problem for me,” he says.
We both laugh, then we bump knuckles and I head home.
Kurt is right, at least in part. It is about the testosterone. If you want to boost your testosterone levels by exercising you have to lift heavy weights. Short and very intense workouts are the key. Short, intense workouts with heavy weights increases testosterone? Sound like any WODs we know?
Sure you could get prescription T and put it under your arms. But wouldn’t you rather get it naturally? By lifting short and hard with a bunch of fit people who are also getting jacked up on T? Maybe the T in T&A stands for Testosterone…
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be.
p.s., here’s a link to the book.
Warning, the book contains graphic sexual and high intensity interval training material.
August 25, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Eight Reasons To Train
In the beginning, CrossFit was about a new and different way to exercise. It was fun, it was new, it was cool. Then I learned a few more of the movements and found the Oly bar and it got harder and harder. For a while it was social and a great way to meet people. Then, during a dark period, it was about competing, not to compete as a challenge, but to beat people. Then one night, in the blink of an eye, it all changed. Now it’s something different. There’s the best eight reasons imaginable to train in that photo. It’s about being mobile and useful and there for everyone in the picture. My favorite training partner always says, “we train so we won’t suck at life.” I never really got it, but now I’m starting to a little bit. Whether it’s basketball in the barn, balance beam in the yard, soccer, math, cartwheels, violin, swimming, or crazy races, I’ve got my reasons.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
August 24, 2013
Dear CrossFit, It’s About The Sex
The music is pulsing, your heart is pounding, your body is moving in perfect synchronization with your partner. You are so close to finishing, just a few more reps, and then you’re done. You’ve gone longer and harder than you ever have. You collapse to the ground, spent, trying to catch your breath, amazed at what’s just happened, thrilled with your performance, and already thinking about being resurrected so you can go again. Wait a minute! What are we talking about here? A WOD? Or something else…
In the Flats (a story about personal redemption through high intensity interval training), a new CrossFitter asks his coach, “Have other guys mentioned that they’re more interesting to women since they’ve been coming here?” What he’s really asking is, “Have other guys told you they’re having more sex and better sex since they’ve been doing CrossFit?” Hmmmm……
Let’s think about this. How, if at all, can CrossFit help men with sex? (As a man, I won’t opine on how, if at all, CrossFit can help women with sex, I’ll leave that to a qualified woman).
First, after doing CrossFit you are going to look better. Women are going to think you look better, so you will have more opportunity. You will think and know you look better so you’ll have more confidence, which in turn will produce more opportunity. This works both for single guys, who may attract more single women and be more confident in approaching them, and in guys who are in relationships who will become more attractive to their partner and more confident in getting naked and approaching their partner. Therefore, by doing CrossFit, you will have more opportunity for sex. That’s a good start. But that’s only the start. You need more than opportunity.
Second, you will have more metabolic conditioning. Improved metabolic conditioning produces improved blood flow and blood flow is essential to two aspects of sex. One, being physically ready to perform, two, being physically able to perform for a suitable and relevant period of time. After doing metcons, both body weight and with weights, you will have increased your ability to push blood and oxygen through your body, so you will be able to respond when your partner says 3-2-1-GO!, and you will be able to exert yourself for a longer period of time than you could before without getting winded. Both of these are good things for mutually satisfying sex.
Third, plank, pushups, and burpees. These are pretty useful movements for sex. Pretty useful? They’re essential. If you can hold plank for several minutes (or a modified plank where your weight is on your elbows and the rest of your body can move) or if you can do a couple hundred pushups, yes that’s beneficial for sex. Burpees? How do they fit in to sex? Well, you’ve got the pushup and you’ve got a really elevated heart rate while doing pushups. Do you ever experience an elevated heart rate when doing “partner pushups.”
Fourth, gymnastic movements. No I’m not suggesting that you try having sex while you’re both doing pullups or handstands or muscleups. However, acquiring the additional body control that comes with mastering gymnastic movements has direct benefits to achieving and maintaining different positions in sex. The youthful playful exploration you have to embrace to try pullups, then kipping pullups, and handstand pushups, then kipping handstand pushups, and muscle ups, and walking on your hands, all helps with your body awareness and your ability to get into new and interesting positions. Trust me guys, your partner wants you to be able to achieve something other than plain vanilla Missionary Position. Find the Kama Sutra and experiment with your newfound strength and flexibility. CrossFit embraces exploration. Exploration leads to discovery. Maybe there’s a magical position just waiting for you to try, both in CrossFit and in the bedroom.
Fifth, back strength and mobility. If you do CrossFit you are going to strengthen your lower back and core. You are going to do deadlifts. You are going to do Romanian deadlifts. You are going to do situps. You are going to do squats. You are going to do movements that make your back stronger and more limber. Being able to move your back with power and control is good for sex.
Sixth, Hips. If you do CrossFit you are going to hear “open your hips” a zillion times. You are going to hear it every day. You are going to address the chronic tightness and weakness that comes from decades of sitting at a desk while your hips ossify. Being able to move your hips with power and under control is good for sex.
Seventh, thrusters and snatches. While you are at “the box” you are going to do “thrusters” and you are going to do “snatches.” Hearing these words is going to make you think about sex. If you think about sex, you are going to have sex. Doing thrusters is going to give you improved heart and lung capacity and improved depth in your movements. Doing snatches is going to improve your explosive power. Oh my. So you’ll be able to go deeper with more explosive power. No, that doesn’t help sex at all…
Finally, your attitude. You are going to look good, you are going to feel good, you are going to feel strong, you are going to feel adventurous, you are going to push through boundaries that used to intimidate you, and you are going to be around other good looking people who feel good and who are similarly adventurous. You are going to be around people who are exploring human movement and who are gaining confidence. Fitness, confidence, aerobic capacity, stamina, supple Leopard-ness, yeah that’s CrossFit, and yeah that’s sex.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
August 23, 2013
Dear CrossFit, The Deadlift Is Not A Squat
For years I’ve achieved what I considered to be impressive deadlift numbers, well, at least for a 50+ year old with some replacement parts… Anyway, after one dedicated lesson on proper dead lift technique I was able to bust out a 10% PR. Ten percent! After one lesson!
Now, let’s put this in perspective. I’ve been CrossFitting regularly for several years now and have some good coaching and some excellent coaching. I’ve heard “weight on your heels”, “open your hips”, “butt up, back straight” about 57,429 times (might be 57,430) from good coaches during group sessions, during WODs, during warmups, well, you get the idea. After doing all these reps and getting some nice numbers that made me feel good and feel strong, you might ask “What were you doing taking a lesson?”
And here’s the point of today’s post. Just because you’re doing it, and just because you’re doing it well, just because you can do more than all your friends, just because you almost have the gym record, just because you almost have an age group record, and just because you think you’re doing it right, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. Itdoesn’t mean you’re even scratching the surface of what you can do.
Our coaches at CTown constantly emphasize moving correctly. They emphasize it so much that this week they had Julie Foucher providing movement clinics. It’s one thing to see your regular coaches move. It’s one thing to see your regular WOD-partners (is that word?) move. It’s another thing to watch Julie move. Just like when our box had Karen Hawley give gymnastics seminars, there’s no substitute for watching someone who knows how to do it, and I mean really do it, demonstrate and provide instant, cogent, useful feedback. Especially when you get to watch and participate at a range where immediate tactile feedback is possible.
Julie really excels in the small group setting where she can demonstrate, observe, correct, suggest, and encourage. Same with Karen and Dani who graciously take time out of their insane schedules to help back of the packers like myself move better. Is there any correlation between their willingness to provide these movement clinics and their chosen careers? (Medicine).
CrossFit really is kinda sorta for everyone isn’t it? Nothing emphasizes this more than confident coaches opening their boxes to uber-skilled athletes who provide world class coaching, even to me. So, to the title of the post… In my mind, in my setup, and in my execution, the deadlift has always been a squat. During our 1:3 ratio seminar last night, after watching virtuosity and participating in critiquiing others’ movements, the light suddenly came on, the scales were removed from my eyes, and I could see. The deadlift is not a squat. The squat is a squat, the deadlift is a deadlift. Maybe having the squat clinic and the deadlift clinic in the same week, where form form form were all that mattered, allowed this bolt from the blue to resonate and be received. Maybe feeling the correct setup for the different movements during consecutive sessions was the key.
The set up is different, the pull is different, the shins are different, loading the hammies is different, and when done right they feel completely different. I can’t explain here how to do the movement. But a skilled coach working one on one or in a small group can. Find the coaches, uses the coaches, learn to move correctly. I was no stronger yesterday than I was last Saturday, but getting into the right position at the start and moving through the correct positions on the way up produced a 10% PR.
Technique, try it, you’ll like it.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
August 22, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Double Unders Aren’t About Jumping Higher
Dubs aren’t about jumping higher, they’re about moving your hands faster. As I’ve aged and, I’ve noticed that both my hands and feet have gotten slower. So, now as part of my warmups for CrossFit Silver, especially for dubs, I do “quick feet” and “quick hands” drillls. These help mitigate the damage performed by sitting a desk for endless hours with motionless feet and just fingers tip-tap-typing away. Quick hands drills can include clapping hands as fast possible, shadow boxing as fast as possible, doing the hand jive from Grease at double speed, and playing catch (with a soft ball) where you start with your hands behind your back, on your shoulders, on your hips, behind your knees, or anywhere other than right in front of you. Quick feet drills include toe taps, dancing, kicking a ball back and forth, clicking heels together, clicking toes together, and running in place with your feet barely leaving the ground but moving as fast as possible (think FlashDance). If you do these warmups, your hands and feet will be moving faster and dubs will magically appear. It’s not about the rope, and it’s not about the jump, it’s about how quickly you can move your hands and wrists…
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
Ex Parte Mewherter Wrong Because Nuitjen Wrong (Why Judges and Clerks should consult scientists and engineers before talking about science or engineering)
The USPTO designated Ex parte Mewherter as a precedential decision with respect to 35 U.S.C. § 101. The opinion holds that Beauregard claims are not patent eligible because they could encompass transitory signals, and that transitory signals are unpatentable under the Nuijten decision. The flaw in Mewherter is that Nuitjen is wrong.
Nuitjen rejects computer readable medium claims because a computer readable medium could be a “transitory signal.” The Court assumed, incorrectly, that signals are transitory because they only last for a short period of time and therefore aren’t patent eligible. The error in their reasoning underscores that Judges and their clerks ought to consult with engineers or scientists before making scientifically unsound decisions. Here’s the error in their reasoning:
What’s the oldest thing in the universe? 13.7 year old signals (e.g., radio waves, light that has been stretched into microwaves) that were created during the Big Bang. Those signals, which have, by definition, existed since the beginning of time, are the exact opposite of transitory. Indeed, when compared to signals, seemingly tangible things that purportedly last forever (e.g., iron, cars, taxes) are in fact quite transitory. If you leave your car beside the ocean, it will dissolve. However, the signals from the Big Bang will still exist. Which is transitory?
How do signals from the Big Bang relate to Nuitjen? Well, no-one is going to claim anything dealing with the Big Bang due to inventorship issues, so let’s consider slightly less ancient signals. Consider Voyager. How long does it take for a radio signal to reach earth from Voyager? As of 2013, signals from Voyager 1 take nearly 16 hours to reach Earth. Is 16 hours transitory? According to the Federal Circuit, the fact that the radio waves are signals makes them transitory, even if they last for 16 hours. Yet any chemical reaction that produces a chemical that lasts for any period of time, however short, is not transitory. How can a signal that last sixteen hours, causes a change in a receiver, and causes a transfer of energy be transitory but a fleeting movement of an electron in an isotope be non-transitory?
The Federal Circuit reasons that in the chemical reaction there has been a transformation of matter, and that a transformation of matter, no matter how fleeting, produces patent eligibility. Once again, Judges and clerks ought to consult scientists or engineers before making decisions like this. Signals are transmitted by waves. Waves are oscillations accompanied with a transfer of energy. The oscillations and transfer of energy cause a transformation of matter (e.g., from a low energy state to a high energy state) that can last much longer than the fleeting chemical reactions that are patent-eligible. The transformation of matter may, in fact, last forever, be detectable forever, and be able to produce results forever, while the momentary isotope cannot actually be captured. Which ought to be patentable?
Let’s examine one difficult to reconcile effect of Nuitjen and now Mewherter. Consider a software producer who distributes an executable that when run clearly infringes a patented process that is protected with a valid Beauregard claim. If the software producer sends a CD with the executable from Canada to the United States, the software producer would be an infringer because the computer readable medium is “non-transitory.” But if the software producers allows users to download the exact same executable over the Internet, then the software producer is not a direct infringer because the computer readable medium used to distribute the software is “transitory”. Even though propagating the signal causes a physical transformation in the transmission medium, even though downloading the signal causes a physical transformation of the memory or disk of the receiving machine that outlives the signal, and even though the exact same result occurs (e.g., user has infringing software), the software producer is still not an infringer. Even if the signal were sent to Voyager, where it would last for at least 16 hours, it would still be transitory according to the Federal Circuit. Even if the signal missed Voyager and went off into space to last FOREVER, the software producer would still not be an infringer because the signal is “transitory.”
So, the message delivered by Nuitjen, and reinforced in Mewherter is this:
“Dear software producers, you are free to send clearly infringing executables into the United States and avoid liability for direct infringement.” (The Federal Circuit, 2013)
August 21, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Thanks For Sharing
Dear CrossFit,
For those of you who’ve read The Flats, that’s the excavator John uses to dig…
As I’ve written before, one of the best things about CrossFit is the community. Here in Cleveland we are lucky to have a large, vibrant, rabid CrossFit community. On Monday and Tuesday I had the great luck to be able to attend two clinics: a squat clinic run by Dani Urcyo and a press clinic run by Julie Foucher. The clinics were offered “after hours” and outside the regular WOD schedule of the box. First, offering such clinics is a great idea because he who moves best, well, moves best. So kudos to Ctown CrossFit for sponsoring the clinics. Second, having such gifted teachers who patiently share their knowledge so that we can benefit from their skill and experience lets us all get better at moving so that we suck less at life. So, thanks Dani and Juli for sharing your time and knowledge.
Unlike so many other sports where you never get a chance to interact with the top athletes, let alone be coached by them, in CrossFit we frequently get the chance to watch and learn from the best. It’s one thing to see someone move on television. It’s something completely different to see someone move up close, while they are working to make you better. When you get the chance to do this, please take it!
Both Dani and Julie are med students, so you’d expect them to be smart, and they are. Dani was able to look at the athletes, analyze what was going right and what was going wrong and to provide tips on moving better, and on mobilizing to be able to move better. Also, he was able to tolerate my prattling on about kidney viability research…
Julie was able to interact with the athletes, hone in on the cause of a movement issue (not just the symptom), and find ways to remedy the movement, with both immediate fixes and suggestions for long term fixes. She also has an engaging smile and laugh, and the ability to devise a WOD on-the-spot to reinforce the skill just learned.
We are lucky to have some truly gifted and special people in the CrossFit community. And we are even luckier that they choose to spend time moving us by moving with us. Thank you.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
August 7, 2013
Dear CrossFit, Results = f(c, e, cl, ocf)
Dear CrossFit,
I’ve been “on tour” most of the summer, and thus away from my regular CrossFit box. I got back in the box today and, once the oxygen deprivation had worn off, I realized, once again, that you aren’t working as hard when you are outside the box. I actually came up with the following equation:
results = f(c, e, cl, ocf)
The results you achieve out of any workout are a function of (c) the coach, (e) the equipment available, (cl) the clock running, and (ocf) other crossfitters.
If you are on your own, there’s no coach.
If you are on your own, you probably don’t have much equipment.
The coach likely has a lot of equipment in the box and can make sure you are using it properly.
If you are on your own, there might or might not be a clock or stopwatch, but if there is, you’re the only one that cares about i.
It’s the other crossfitters who dominate this equation. There is a little co-ompetition going on in every WOD. You know, I know, Bob Dole knows it. They’re racing the same clock that you are. Maybe they’ve got different weights or differently scaled movements, but you all know the clock is running and other people are trying to beat it. When you WOD on your own, you always finish first and you always finish last, think about that.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
July 31, 2013
CrossFit Games 2013 are over, CrossFit Open 2014 is just 6 months away
Tomorrow is August 1, 2013.
Do you know where your Open prep is?
Assuming the Open will start sometime in February, you have six months to get ready.
Have you lost weight?
Have you increased strength?
Have you increased mobility?
Have you learned a new skill?
Try this. In the next two weeks, repeat all the 2013 CrossFit Open WODs. Did you do better now than you did then? If so, congratulations, your training is working. Did you do worse now than you did then? If so, your training is not working and you need to make changes.
Time, tide, and the Open wait for no-one, and in just six short months your strengths and weakeneses will once again be exposed. Not only will they be exposed, but they will be exposed in light of what you did last year. Are you getting better? Or are you getting worse? The only thing for certain is that you are not standing still.
I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be…
