Patrick Rhone's Blog, page 7

Resolutions don’t happen in a vacuum…

This is especially true if you are in a relationship. At the very least most require support from those around us. And, at most, they require their active participation. To wit, the resolutions of others become your resolutions as well (and vice versa) if they require you to participate in order to be successful.

Last year, for instance, my wife decided that one of her resolutions would be for us to have monthly date nights. As parents with a young child, it is important to get some time to connect one-on-one outside of the house. Well, unless her plan was to go out alone, that is a resolution that could not happen without my active involvement. It had to be one of my resolutions too.

I wanted to have friends over for dinner once a month. Well, unless my wife was on board with such a plan, it couldn’t happen. In effect, my intention became a resolution for her as well.

And even those things you think are just for you — to exercise more, to eat better, to meditate — may not be able to be successful without our partners actively supporting those efforts and allowing us the time, space, and resources to achieve them. Accountability helps here too. If those around you know them you are more likely to be held to the goal.

This is all to say that you should be making and considering your resolutions in the proper context. Make sure to discuss them with those around you and that they have a chance to buy-in to them where needed. Find out which ones of theirs will involve you and plan accordingly. Only then will they have a true shot at being successful.

My Friends Write Books Too

It would seem this is just the time of year for books coming out. It’s not just I that has a new book out, many of my friends do too. I thought it would be nice to make mention of those.

Rebuilding Blocks: How the Game of Kubb Put My Life Back Together by Garrick van Buren — Garrick is one of my closest friends and a personal mentor. Besides being a successful consultant and father of four, he also is an active tournament-level player of an ancient, nordic, strategy game called Kubb. This book is part memoir, part strategy guide, and part inspirational. But the whole thing is fantastic and a touching story of how an overworked and overwhelmed guy turned it around and now helps others do the same.

The Art and Science of Vaping: A Beginner’s Guide to Electronic Cigarettes by Brett Kelly — I don’t vape. I don’t plan to vape — ever. Just not something in my wheelhouse. That said, I have many friends that now do and often wonder myself what it’s all about. That’s why I’m going to purchase my friend Brett’s book. This has the “everything you need to know” part covered.

Consumed by Aaron Mahnke — Aaron has really impressed me with his growth as a writer after reading his last book. Therefore, I’m very much looking forward to this one. A thriller about an aspiring author who’s car breaks down in a small Rhode Island town. It’s not quite out yet but is available for pre-order.

Raw Materials: Collected Essays by Matt Gemmell — Matt is one of my favorite writers on the web. This is an excellent collection of his best work to date. Highly recommended.

The Mobile Writer by Julio Ojeda-Zapata — My friend Julio’s book has been out for a while now but it is still an excellent guide to getting writing done on your mobile devices. Tips, tricks, apps — it’s al covered here. Including case studies with many authors who write on-the-go (including your’s truly).

See You in Paradise: Stories by J. Robert Lennon — A well written and fun collection of short stories by a wonderful writer. He has a number of books but I’d start here. It’s a great introduction to his work.

I may add to this list as I remember others. Like I said, there’s a lot of great stuff coming out right now or real soon. Perfect for stocking up for next year’s reading goals or to give as gifts.

This Could Help — Now Everywhere

A little self promotion. My latest book, This Could Help, is now officially available on all platforms. It’s a collection of essays and asides, all of which could potentially help you in some way. Each one is purposely written to land hard and make an impact that matters.

It would make a great gift, especially for anyone in your life who could use helpful advice and encouragement. And, frankly, who couldn’t use that?

Here’s where to get it…

Paperback
Kindle
ePub
iBooks
Nook

Of course, I would be honored if you checked out and considered buying any of my books. If you enjoy the work I do here, you will certainly enjoy those.

Thanks for everyone who has read my work in any format this year.

It stops today.

“Get away [garbled] … for what? Every time you see me, you want to mess with me. I’m tired of it. It stops today. Why would you…? Everyone standing here will tell you I didn’t do nothing. I did not sell nothing. Because every time you see me, you want to harass me. You want to stop me (garbled) Selling cigarettes. I’m minding my business, officer, I’m minding my business. Please just leave me alone. I told you the last time, please just leave me alone. Please please, don’t touch me. Do not touch me.” — A few of the last words of Eric Garner

I’ve been thinking about the phrase “I can’t breathe”. The actual last words of Eric Garner, who was choked to death by a NYPD officer — who so far has gotten away with the murder. This phrase has since been adopted by those protesting the persistent and unchecked police brutality so prevalent in our nation — especially against people of color. And, while I admire the feeling of helplessness the phrase evokes, a feeling that so many feel in the face of current circumstances, I can’t help but feel, personally, that there is something a bit defeatist about it. I try to put myself in Mr. Garner’s shoes and wonder if lying on the ground, struggling for life, saying that phrase over and over again is how I would want to be remembered.

It stops today.

Instead, it was something Eric Garner said before the choking. It was a statement of defiance. One spoken by a proud man who was tired. Tired of being stopped and harassed for little more reason than being Black in America. A tiredness experienced by far too many who suffer the same. If I were Eric Garner, I would want to be remembered for standing up and saying “It stops today. ” Not for being wrestled to the ground and choked out but for standing tall and proud and asserting my rights as a citizen and a human being. I would want that to be a rallying cry of protest. I would want that to become the song of freedom that brings long sought justice to those being oppressed.

Let us remember him this way. The way we remember Rosa Parks. Proud, tired, and stating with fierce dignity, “It stops today”.

Trove — A Brief Review

TROVE: INTRODUCTION from TROVE on Vimeo.

The Trove wallet is a nice new minimalist wallet. The folks there were nice enough to send me one to review. I’ve actually spent the last month or so carrying it around as my full time wallet — replacing the one I have carried for years now.

In that time it has performed well and still looks as good as new. It is attractive and casually professional. It’s available is a variety of colors. I chose the “Autumn” colorway which is black elastic with chocolate ant toffee brown leather.

The concept is a simple one, executed very well. A band of elastic with a leather loop in the middle that cradles up to 10 cards and provides for a way to slip in a couple of business cards or a few bills cash on the opposite side. It’s also reversible so that one could have a way to slip such items on the outside of the wallet as an option. It’s best to watch the video embedded above to get a sense of what I’m talking about here.

If I were to take any issue with it, it is no fault of theirs, it is mine. If you know anything at all about me it is that I live very intentionally and work to hard to carry only that which I really need. This is especially true of something I carry all day every day. The truth is, I actually need to carry a couple of more cards than this is designed to hold. I pushed the Trove past this limit, and as such it made it difficult to get cards out and to finger my way to the one I needed. If I removed a couple of cards from the total, it was not an issue. So, while the Trove actually performed very well as advertised, it is just a bit too small for my needs.

That said, if you are in the market for a minimalist front-pocket wallet that looks good and the capacity fits your needs, this is a very nice option. It would make a great gift too. Check it out.

Applying Light Packing to Light Living

As many know, I’m a light packer for most trips. I recently returned from a trip where I didn’t need to go as light as I usually do and therefore did not. What I found was that there were a few pieces that I brought with me and ended up not wearing. Not for any particular reason — just an extra sweater and an extra pair of pants that I just ended up not needing. It caused me to question whether I really needed either of these items at all.

Here’s the thing about packing light, it’s about more than being able to take only what you need in order to carry less and move fast. It’s not just about knowing what you really need (versus what you think you need) while on the road. It should also help you evaluate the truth of what you need most days at home too. Because, if you can live out of one bag for a week or more while on the road, with some minor additions there is little reason you could not live with the same amount all the time.

For instance, here’s a guy who travels with one backpack all over the world full time. There is no reason he can’t do the same if all of that were in one box and he lived in the same place.

I know some people have jobs that require them to have wardrobe or other items that are a bit more than others. I get that such an idea in not for everyone. I’m also not arguing everyone should live out of one bag. What I am saying is that there is likely little reason why many couldn’t do so. I’m also saying that if you have developed the skill of packing light when you travel, perhaps you could use that as a starting point to apply the same intentions when you are stationary.

If you like this post, you’ll also like my latest book — This Could Help. Buy it today in Paperback, ePub, or Kindle

Just One Thing

My little girl, Beatrix, has many unique and endearing qualities. But, one of my favorites is this: With almost everyone she meets, she will notice and pick out one thing she likes and then tell them.

"I like your dress."

"That’s a pretty necklace you’re wearing"

"You have a nice smile."

"You are very handsome."

We are currently on a trip that is partly research for a future book and part vacation. Because of the sorts and frequency of encounters we have with people we have not met or only deal with in passing, I’ve had the occation to notice how much she does this. And I am always giddy at seeing the delight of these people, completely disarmed by the perceptiveness and charm of a six year old. One who always finds something nice to say about everyone.

She does this on her own and without prompting from either of us. It is not something we have explicitly or implicitly taught her to do. Nor does she see us do it with such frequentcy. Especially not with complete strangers or during transactional interactions (i.e store clerks, wait staff, etc.) as she almost always does. It’s just who she is.

It has occurred to me how much better everything might be if we all found one thing with everyone we meet and said something nice about it or them. Even (or especially) those times it is most hard to find something. For instance, someone we disagree with or someone we don’t particularly like.

It also has occurred to me that, in order to practice this regularly one must be fully present in their encounters. You can’t pay partial attention to the checkout person while rustling for your credit cards. You have to be fully present with them to notice the nice earrings they are wearing or the spectacular color of thier eyes. And, if you are more present with everyone you meet, you are also more present in that moment with yourself.

That said, I aim to take a lesson from my daughter and do so more often. Not just to make the world a bit better and someone else’s day a bit better but to at the same time make myself a bit better too.

This Could Help — New Book Available Today!

I have a new book I’m releasing today. It’s called, This Could Help.

Here’s what the book looks like:

There’s an eBook version too, of course. If you buy that one, it won’t look like this one. But, the stuff inside is just as helpful.

Here’s a bit from the introduction to give you an idea of what’s inside:

I’m going to try to keep this short so you can dig right in and see if there is something inside these pages that could help you. Let’s face it, we can always use a little help. A helpful idea or suggestion is sometimes all we need to set us in a positive direction. Every one of the essays and ideas presented here are things that I’ve had to figure out myself in order to solve a problem at some point along the way. So, my guess is that if I needed help in these areas along the way that others could benefit from that too.

The following is a combination of essays and ideas written over the past year or so and they certainly have the potential to help. Either to solve a problem you are facing right now or provide guidance for navigating through one in the future. Many of these have been published in various forms scattered amongst the places I frequent on the Internet. Some, have not. But all have been collected here in a way I feel serves those that need it most and the individual items best. I sincerely hope that you will find something within these pages that makes a difference.

It’s available right now in Paperback and ePub. More formats will be coming soon but that’s in the hands of the various eBook stores.

That said, I highly recommend the Paperback version. It features the beautiful cover and layout work of the best designer you should be using, Aaron Mahnke of Wet Frog Studios. . To sweeten the deal, you can get 30% off through today by using the offer code, FLASH30.

Regardless, I appreciate your even considering a purchase. The best gift you could give any writer is an engagement with the words they write. So thank you for yours.

Better Things

Now that you and I have agreed that the best place for the things you intend to do are on a calendar, I wanted to take some time to talk about what that means.

You see, when the things you hope to do are on some long wish list of things you hope to do, they are telling you a lie. They are telling you that you that every single thing on there is of equal importance. They are telling you that you have infinite capacity and infinite time. They are telling you everything needs to be there and should, at some point, warrant 100% of your attention. That it is completely possible and reasonable that you will do all of these things and have all the time in the world to do them.

The beauty of forcing the essential question of "When?" is that it also forces you (and the things) to face a hard and undeniable truth — time is finite. Each day has 24 hours. Six-to-Eight of those you are sleeping. You have many other obligations that will take away from the rest of your waking time — both on your calendar and not. My guess is that for a lot of us, at most and on the best days, we have about 2 hours to honestly dedicate to any of the things on our list. Most days, that is much, much, less.

Now that you are going to make those things part of your day, week, or month by taking a look at your calendar and deciding when you plan to do those things and scheduling those things at a time, you can see exactly how much time you have to work with. Suddenly, you go from having the lie of infinite capacity to the truth of having known constraints. With this knowledge, and only with this knowledge, you can focus on doing better things with that time.

Time is an instant prioritizer. Looking at a thing you need to do and asking "when" returns an answer that is a priority as much as a time. For instance, if some thing should be done "Now" then it is more important than anything else that might be done now. If some thing should be done today, and slotted into a free spot on your calendar to be done today, then it’s as important as anything else you will do today. It also follows that some thing that you put on the calendar to do tomorrow is less important than the things you need to do today or right now.

Now that you have recognized that the time and capacity you have for this long list of things is, in fact, limited you might also start to look at the things on that list and ask, "Is this worth my time doing?"

That is to say, if you know you only have a limited amount of time to work on the things you wish to do, don’t you want to make sure you are only doing the things you should be doing? Don’t you want to do better things? Things that really matter and make an impact? You have maybe a half-hour, hour, etc. Is that short amount of time going to be spent doing the best things you can?

I know I do. And, I know the first step to deciding the best thing I can do with the time I have is ensuring that the things on my list are all things that matter to me. Anything else I, literally, don’t have time for.

A Time For Things

You have a thing you need to do. So you put the thing on a list. The list is where you put the things. What things? The things you need to do. This is a thing so it belongs there.

But this thing will stay there on the list — forever if you let it. To get removed from the “Things I Need To Do” list and get placed on the “Things I have Done” list, a crucial question needs to get answered. This thing will stay there indefinitely until you decide when this thing will get done. And, if you never decide when the thing will get done the thing will never get done. And, you will decide that when. You may not decide it until the moment you do the thing. But, in advance or not, in order to do the thing you must pick a when.

Everything — EVERY THING — happens within the boundaries of time. Even if you don’t decide the time up front, even if you don’t schedule the time, the thing gets done at a time or not at all. And, when it comes to things, capturing is not committing. Capturing is parking. Capturing is waiting. Capturing is wishing. Deciding the when — scheduling the time — is committing. Doing the thing, is completing.

So, the thing — the one on the list — is going to happen at a time. It is the only way it can happen. It is the only way anything happens.

Agreed? Good.

Let’s talk about time for a second. You remember time, right? That thing that EVERY THING happens in? That thing that you and I have relatively little of. The most precious non-renewable resource in the Universe? Yes, that time. Well, my guess is that, for really important things — things you intend to do — you schedule those things. You carve out a small bit of that most precious non-renewable resource and say, “Hey, I care about this thing so much I’m going to spend time on this.” And, my guess is, you do this on a calendar of some sort, right? The less busy of us might just remember a few items in our head but, I would argue, even in that case you are still keeping a calendar — a this thing happens at this time schedule — in your head. Right?

We calendar keepers, we happy many, we band of brothers and sisters, we’ve been rightfully told that, because time is the most precious non-renewable resource in the Universe, the calendar is sacred hallowed space. That you should only put things on there that you plan to do or that must be done at a particular time. Things like meetings and doctors appointments and conferences and birthdays and anniversaries and…

Now, here’s the part that will likely make many uncomfortable. I’m going to tell you you should put tasks there too. I’m going to argue that, for many things, you should decide the when up front. That you commit. That you give the things on your list a bit of this most precious non-renewable resource in the same place you give all those other things — because you already are. You are just not, maybe, planning ahead for them or scheduling them or putting them in a box marked Today or Tomorrow or Next Week. But every single one of those things, to get done, will happen at a particular time anyway — so, why not be honest and intentional about it?

Think of it like this: A wish list is a list of things we hope will happen one day. Let’s just say it is a list of things you want for Christmas. Well, guess what, you will get nothing on that list under that tree until Santa decides the time to go buy the thing, the time to wrap the thing, and the time to put it under the tree. And, that list comes with a pre-determined due-date of December 25th. Those things that are not under the tree remain on your wish list until and unless Santa decides this is the time for you to get that thing. Any list of things without time attached to it is, functionally, a wish list just like this until you make them important enough to actually deserve your time. Until you play Santa.

That list of things is a wish list, a someday-maybe list, but it is not a task list until you commit a time for those things getting done. Those are things you hope to do — not things you are going to do. Know how I know you are not “going” to do them? Going is an action verb. It means you are in the act of committing a forward movement. Anything staying motionless on a list is not forward movement. Putting a time on something to be done in the future, then moving towards that time, means going to do something. And you are not going to do any of those things unless you do.

I’m not saying you should do this with all of the things on your list of things. It’s useful to have a place for the things that you wish to do. Having a wish list of all the things is actually good. Doing so means you can look at all the things out in the open, take each one, and evaluate if that is something worth your precious time. Ask each thing the question of when. I’m saying you should do it with the things you want to move from a wish to something you actually mean to do. Decide when you are going to do them.

Start with the “Big Rocks” or “Today List” or “Next Actions” or whatever list system du jour your are praying to at the moment. Take those things, look at them, and commit to them — ask yourself the when. When today will you do these things? Are you serious? Then put it on the calendar, schedule, planner, — whatever. Even if it is just to carve out a couple of hours and call it, “A Time for Things”. Now, you have committed. Now, you are serious.

I’m a writer. Writing is how I make this world better, friendlier, stronger place. If these words improved your day, please let me know by contributing here.