Patrick Rhone's Blog, page 36

Thank You, Steve

I share such moments with my daughter too often to count. She and I crowded around an iPhone, an iPad, an iMac. Watching movies, dancing to music, learning, growing.

Without his vision, none of these moments would exist the way they do today.

Thank you, Steve Jobs, for each moment like this.

Vessels, Names, and Frames

When was the last time you had soda out of a wine glass? My guess is, for most of those reading, the answer is either a while or never.

Why is that? After all, the wine glass is just a glass like any other glass, right? In the simplest terms, it's a vessel for containing liquid. Just like every other vessel for containing liquid. Why, then, are we not just as likely to reach for a wine glass as we are any other glass when we want to pour a glass of soda?

I believe we don't because we have given this kind of glass a size, and shape, and name, that pre-determines the likelihood of and is ideally suited for what liquid that glass will be filled with. In this case wine.

Wine glasses are designed the way they are for a reason. They have a stem for which to hold them, so that the heat of one's hand does not effect the temperature of the wine. The base is wider than the lip in order to provide a wide surface for the wine to breathe while letting the aroma pool in the glass. Yet, the glass opening is not so wide that it prevents your nose from entering while sipping so that you can taste with both senses. All of these things matter in the case of wine. Not so much in the case of soda. Wine glasses are designed for wine, not for soda.

That said, next time you have a soda, grab a wine glass and poor some in as you would wine. Not too much, about 2-4 ounces. Now, hold it and sip it as you would wine. Does it change the experience of drinking soda a bit? Does it feel a bit more classy? Elegant even? For me it does. Just as much as drinking wine out of a juice glass feels a bit less so.

The vessels we create often determine the things that contain them. Also, changing the vessel can change our perception and our experience and what we place in them. Even the name of the vessel can make such determinations.

The same is true of the way we frame ourselves.

Are you a blogger who writes blog posts? Because, if you are, that is a frame. Not only will those hearing that frame paint a specific picture of what it is you do and who you are but you, likely, will do so as well. The picture will be reflective and appropriate of the frame you built to contain it. The frame places certain conscious and subconscious limits. There are many things that frame can contain and many others that frame can not. And that is OK. There has been and will continue to be a place and platform for bloggers who write blog posts.

But what happens if you change the frame?

What if, instead, you are a writer who writes essays? Well now, that seems like the picture has changed hasn't it? That frame gives the picture new possibilities and new limits. And, though the content and publication may be the same, that frame opens new ideas and responsibilities for what that picture, that craft, can and should be. Bloggers, writing blog posts, belong on blogs. But writers who write essays… Well those could be anywhere! Your essays could be on a blog, sure. But they could also be in a magazine or a book.

So, now comes the hard part. Make a choice. Name your vessel and fill it. Frame your picture and paint it.

I'm not here

I'm not here. Wherever here is these days. For me, here is as much an idea and a goal as a place. Therefore, here is not quite here for me right now. No place you can see really is. It is largely because of that you have not seen the regular updates in this place I would prefer. I'm not here.

Where am I? As David Foster Wallace used to say, I'm deep into something long. Which was his way of describing where here is for a writer who is writing a book. That is where I am. I'm deep into something long. Furthermore, I'm into something that questions the very heart of how I approach places such as this. Other places as well. Because of these questions, I'm increasingly uncertain as to what belongs where. I am even beginning to wonder if much of this belongs anywhere at all.

When I was a teenager I took a summer long creative writing course. One of the many, many lessons I learned there that stick with me today is this: For a writer, some things come out fully formed. Other things come out a sentence or a word at a time. That you may have a sentence, or even a single word, that you know is great and belongs somewhere but does not quite fit anywhere yet. Stick it aside, the instructor said. It may be days or weeks or years but you will know when it comes to you. That word might be the missing piece of a paragraph. That sentence might be the beginning of a whole book. Or, perhaps, that sentence or word belongs on the sticky note you scribbled it on and stuck aside to remind you that even not having a place is a place in itself.

I feel very much in that place. I feel like so many of those words and sentences I should have stuck aside in a special place just for me I have instead blown into the ether-wind that is Twitter, etc. and now they are in places I can't find them. I wonder what great paragraphs they might have made or great books they might have spawned. I try to console myself with the idea that someone else's place is a place as well and perhaps these things might do some good there. Sometimes such consolation works. Far too often not. Which is all the more reason I am not there as much as I used to be. When I am it is at odd hours and quick bursts and unsure intention. I'm just not there anymore. It does not belong to me.

This place is all mine. It even has my name on it. Yet, I'm no longer sure what this place should be for me. This place was a place for me to stick those words and sentences and paragraphs until where they fit was revealed. And now that they live on in that place, as a book, I'm not sure what this place should now contain. I'm not sure what it represents. I'm not sure what this place is and should be.

Frankly, I'm not going to figure it out right now. All I know is that I'm not here. This place is not with where I am and I'm not where this place is. It is mine. I can rip it down and rebuild it should I so choose. Certainly, some of the broader thinking I have been doing around the deep long thing will help with such choices. But I also don't have to do anything right now. Not choosing is a choice in itself. Perhaps, like those words and sentences and paragraphs that are placeless, perhaps the place for here will be revealed. I have time.

I am deep into that long thing and the deeper I get the less I have to share elsewhere. Only one of my online sites is getting any attention, and that is only because it's message is similarly aligned with the long thing. Yet even that alignment is still not enough for it not to feel as much a distraction from where here is for me as anywhere else. I rest in the idea that that site at least does not take my head too far out of the game and that maybe a word or sentence I put there might be part of something I just have not seen yet. Perhaps the long thing.

As for this place and most others, if you are wondering where I am, now you know. I'm not here.

You See Me

Most people that know me have never seen my face. Not most of my friends. Not even my wife. As I write this, I'm not even sure I remember what it looks like.

I have worn a beard since my mid twenties, I think. It's been so long I'm not sure. I like the way I look with one. Not so much without. It is a part of me. As such, I feel it is as much a part of my face as my nose, or my eyes. Yet, because I wear my beard by choice and it can be easily shorn, it is not quite the same.

My beard also serves many functions. For most of the Minnesota year, it shields against the chill. It helps to hide imperfections. The scar I have on the underside of my chin from the falls I took as a child. Some of the splotches of Seborrhoeic dermatitis I quietly suffer. And, in this way, it is a mask that I use to disguise a face I feel ugly and scared and weathered.

Perhaps it is time to give those I love at least a glimpse of what hides beneath. So that I can say, "You have seen my face. All of it's character and faults. Thus, you know me."

Clean Hands

Here is something that I only recently recognized about myself. I really enjoy having freshly washed hands. It's not just about the cleanliness though. It's the act of washing them. Especially with a really nice soap. I love the way they feel and the way they smell. It is one of the simplest things, on the face of it, but one that gives me a fair amount of joy and pleasure.

There are many other tiny things that give me joy and pleasure too. Writing with a really good pen. Walks with my little girl around my neighborhood. A clean car (both inside and out). Being smartly dressed.

I don't feel any of us take enough time to identify these simple, often free, acts that give us pleasure and joy. Even those of us that do, often do not take enough time or give ourselves permission to indulge in them. Especially when it would benefit us the most.

Having a bad day? Feeling a little down? If you have some of these tiny pleasures already identified, see if acting on one can help turn things around. It likely wont solve the whole problem. But, at least for a moment, it may help you feel differently.

Even if things are just fine, it can never hurt to inject some happiness into your day. Relish the simple acts that bring joy.

Inside Voice

I have a big voice. It's deep. Resonating. Booming. I get loud, quickly, without realizing that I'm doing so. It's often difficult to control. Especially when I get excited or passionate about what I'm saying. Many who know me will tell you that I get excited and passionate about a lot of things.

My dear wife, bless her heart, has taken to gently whispering "Inside voice…" when these times occur. Perhaps to some it may come off as a bit maternal, like she is speaking to a child. The truth is, I don't mind it. In fact, I have slowly adopted it to mean more than just how she intends it – A gentle reminder to lower my voice to an acceptable tone for the situation.

Indeed, I am also using this as a reminder to myself. Not only using my inside voice more but also listening to my inside voice more. I am trying to be more conscious of being silent and really listening both to others in conversation and to my internal dialog when I am alone. To speak carefully and with purpose.

Far too often I don't listen to my inside voice. I don't listen to it when it is telling me I'm hungry. I don't listen when it is telling me I need rest. I am too busy responding to the noise the world is making. My mind too involved with output to process the many inputs and interpret their meaning. My inside voice will tell me when something is an opportunity. It will also warn me when something is not quite right.

So, I have resolved to be more beholden to the voice inside and practice silence so I can hear it.

Our Natural State is Now

In a child's mind, everything happens right now. Have you ever suggested something to a child, especially a two or three year old, with the intention of it happening at a later date. For instance, suggesting having ice cream after dinner or going to a movie later in the day? My results are always that they start heading straight for the freezer with bowl in hand or to the door ready to take in a show. It takes effort and explanation to sway them from the idea that there even is something called "later" let alone that these things are happening there.

I believe there is a reason for this. It is because later does not exist. The future is great in concept and theory but, until the future becomes now, it is as real as a fairy tale or an imaginary friend. Everything that exists in the world around us exists only in the now. Our natural state is now.

Therefore, imagine how strange and complex a subject the idea of later must be to the mind of a child. Especially one who is only just beginning to grasp the concept of time.

Perhaps we should all try to approach life and our time in it in the same way. Let the past be prologue. Let the future be fantasy. Let your thoughts and actions exist in the now.

The Conversation

The other day I was having lunch with a friend. My friend has a business. He is a realtor. This business, like most, would benefit greatly from the use of a blog and social tools to both communicate to current clients and capture new ones. The problem: He thinks he doesn't have anything to write about. He says he gets there, logs in, but does not know what to say. He sweats over the details. The words. The subject. Everything. He tells me this, seeking my help. So, here is what I told him and the secret I'm going to give you: Every conversation you have contains something to write about. If it's interesting enough to have a conversation about, it's interesting enough to write about and, if it's not, you should not waste your time talking or writing. I'm not talking about idle chit-chat here (though that could be great too). I'm talking about conversations where real value and information is exchanged. Casual or not. The post is right there, waiting for you to capture it, share it. For instance, here are the things I learned in the five minute conversation we had when I asked him, "How's business going?":

In this market, you can get a 2,500-3,000 square foot house with three bedrooms and two baths for under $200,000. Compared to even a couple of years ago, it's a bargain. There are plenty of great house deals like this and plenty of people to buy. The problem is the bank's willingness to loan. The problem in getting a loan is easily solved with the right Mortgage Broker. He has a guy that has relationships with 30+ banks and can get a loan for just about anyone. Part of his job is, up front, assessing if he and the client are the right fit. He wants to be your guy. Therefore, he asks a few up front questions of perspective clients. Like, what's their name. Many people don't even want to give that. They are afraid that will somehow make a commitment. That he will be looking them up and cold calling them every five minutes. In fact, that is the last thing he will do. Why would any reputable business person want to start a relationship with someone who does not want to. How can he even know if he can get you the right house if you won't even give him your name?

Guess what I told him? In five minutes he came up with his first three blog posts. Information that would be valuable to any current or perspective client. Ideas that can then be promoted with a single tweet or status update. Also, if we could come up with that in five minutes just think of what we could come up in an hour long lunch. A meeting. A phone call. Especially with a colleague or client. Do you also see something else? It's hiding right in front of your eyes… This post. This post is from that same conversation. I start with "nothing to write about" and in five minutes of casual conversation I have something to share. It's like magic. But it's not. It's called writing.

Keeping It Straight – You, Me, & Everything Else

Sometimes, you don't even know you are writing a book until you have done so. A writer who writes primarily for online publishing, who is used to publishing in essay form, does not always see the individual items emerging into a meaningful whole. Then, one day, you look up and realize that you have something. That this thing belongs with another thing. That, perhaps, all of these things want to be together and live on as a collected body of work. This is a core of a book.

It is with great pride (and a certain sense of relief) that I release my very first book. It's titled Keeping It Straight – You, Me, & Everything Else. It's available today in both paperback and eBook form. I would be humbled and honored if you would consider buying a copy.

Keeping It Straight is a collection of short essays that explore topics such as mindfulness, compassion, truth, and living a purposeful and productive life. There's plenty of practical advice to take away as well. For instance, how to deal with email overload and sensible task management.

Here is what some others have already had to say about it:

"Patrick's writing is like warm butter on dry toast. Each page is full of musings and personal discoveries from Patrick's life that will make you think about how you're spending your time and energy, and, more importantly, it will make you think about what priorities are most important in your own life." – Shawn Blanc

"Fans of David Allen's 'Getting Things Done' will instantly embrace Patrick Rhone's work. Patrick offers the "Why" to GTD's "How." – Randy Murray

"Patrick is a wonderful writer and many of the thoughts he conveys in this book compel you to put the book down right where you are in order to make some real changes in your life." – Ben Brooks

Keeping It Straight is a delightful mixture of advice, reflection and exploration that reads like a poem. Patrick's honest, genuine approach to a variety of topics from happiness to efficiency make this book a joy to read. Highly recommended. – Brett Kelly

Most of this book has been written over the past few years, originally published online in various forms, for various projects and in many locations. While most of these ideas are out there, somewhere amongst my uncollected works on the internet, and available for free, everything in this book is different from the original. These are now collected, professionally edited, and presented in the way these ideas seem destined to live on – together. Also, I believe you will find that many take on a new life in this form.

Finally, I'd like to thank all who have helped make this possible especially Randy (and Penny) at First Today Press, Aaron at Wet Frog Studios, and Pat Dryburgh for designing the book website.

Buy it today:

Paperback

ePub

PDF

Fear & Faith

The solution to conquering fear is increasing trust. There is a structural tension between the two.

Outfitted with the same equipment and halfway up a high cliff, the experienced rock climber is in as much danger of falling as one with a fear of heights. Theoretically, they should be equally afraid of falling. When we look down we all see from the same perspective. Yet the climber simply looks ahead for the next step higher while the acrophobe can't shake the possibility of dying. The difference is their level of trust in the rope, the harness, the belay, and, most importantly, themselves.

I watch my daughter balance on the two inch wide arm of a chair. I watch her traverse a three inch wide retaining wall. All without assistance and perfect balance. Put her on a five inch wide balance beam at circus class and she hesitates and reaches out to the teacher for assistance. I ask her why this is and she says, "The other kids make it wobbly". She trusts the equipment. She trusts the teachers. She trusts herself. She does not trust the other kids.

We all have obstacles we would like to overcome. To do so we must increase our trust. Focus not on fear but on faith.