Donald Miller's Blog, page 98

Sunday Morning Sermon: Caitlin Crosby “Love is the Key”

Our Sunday Morning Sermon this weeks comes from our wonderful friend, Caitlin Crosby. Caitlin was a featured guest at our Storyline Conference in San Diego and won the heart of our crowd instantly. She’s beautiful and talented and grew up in Hollywood and is tired of our superficial culture. She wants us all to be free to embrace our flaws. We love Caitlin and her counter-cultural message, especially since she could easily make it from the inside of that dark culture. Here’s Caitlin at the TEDx event in Bend, Oregon:

Sunday Morning Sermon: Caitlin Crosby “Love is the Key” is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

There was something special about last week’s Pumpcast News video. Some incredible videos emerged this week as well. Which of these is your favorite? Vote below in the comments.

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

We Are Oklahoma – How Locals Are Uniting After the Tornado

Last year, we began dreaming with leaders from Oklahoma City…

As we dreamed, we met business leaders and pastors standing together for the fatherless. We heard Governor Fallin say fatherlessness was Oklahoma’s greatest challenge. We saw a city united and committed to reaching youth through foster care, adoption and mentoring.

Something special was happening in Oklahoma. And it embodied the heart and mission of The Mentoring Project. So last June, we loaded up the truck and moved. A few months later, our friend Bob Goff helped us launch our second office of The Mentoring Project, the new TMPOKC.

Immediately, we learned Oklahomans are hospitable and generous. Humble. They fly below the radar. Actually, they don’t even know about the radar. The first time I met the former mayor, he helped me carry my twin babies to the car. Then he bought us lunch.

Oklahomans also have grit. Backbone. A stubborn commitment to love and make their State a better place.

So on Monday, when it was hit with a F5 monster tornado, it didn’t take long for Oklahomans to shine.

Whole neighborhoods were crushed by the tornado, which was over a mile wide. Two elementary schools were hit. Pancaked. The tornado was on the ground for 40 minutes, hitting Shawnee, Little Ax, and Moore (suburbs of Oklahoma City) with a force up to 600 times that of an atomic bomb.

24 people were killed. Including nine children.

As the media cameras focused in on the horror, stories of hope began to surface. Stories of these humble and tenacious Oklahomans.

• Teachers protected students with their own bodies.

• Kevin Durant gave one million dollars to the Red Cross.

• An anonymous neighbor dug out an old man and saved his life.

• Victory Church opened its doors for the 20,000 displaced families.

• Dozens of teams came forward; including Rex Barrett from Frontline Church who led two thousand volunteers to clean up Moore.

• • •

My prayer partner, Tom C, started an email chain with local Oklahoma leaders, determined to help. In the next 24 hours, I got about 140 replies to Tom’s original “Urgent Needs” email.

Here are some excerpts:

Tom C: I am praying as we all are. I can provide 53-foot trucks, bobcats, forklifts, warehousing and labor, and anything else I can get my hands on.

Beth: We are providing gift cards from Target and Wal-Mart for victims, and will hand them out on Wednesday.

Susan: Buy For Less will be donating trucks of food, water and snacks. We are taking donations at our 14 stores that go directly to Red Cross.

Tom H: We have contacted the Governor’s Office and they are coordinating, please pray for our 28 men who are digging tonight at Plaza Elementary School. We have 2 skid steers, a backhoe, a trencher and generators, lights and trucks on the scene. Please pray for them.

Susan: We are lifting up your team in prayer. Please let us know if anyone sees opportunity that may not be widely publicized.

Patrice: We are working to return safe power and to make sure there are no gas leaks from the damage. We have several employees who have lost homes. One employee reported that her granddaughter who was at Plaza Tower Elementary, is out. Thank you for your help and prayers.

John: (Television Station Director) Let me know what message you may need to get out to the public. We want to notify the public of any coordinated areas of assistance.

David: Though there are obviously immediate needs, in the coming weeks and months we can offer the most assistance. When the dust settles, some people will feel desperate and hopeless. We must be diligent after the crowds, media and others have moved onto the next big thing.

Jim: (Hospital President) Mercy stands ready to assist. We have vast medical resources, doctors, nurses and medicine. Let me know if you are aware of need.

(A few hours later, Mercy sets up a medical clinic)

Jim: Spent today setting up medical clinic at the ‘ground zero’ area. While there are super-human efforts taking place, many people are still in need. Of love, prayer, food, clothing, transportation, love, medicine, shelter, love … did I say love?

Kerri: Buy For Less delivered 20,000 snacks to a church in Moore via Susan. Susan also delivered a truck of water. Also, the Red Cross just said, “The DA’s office is whipping through the backlog of people who called on the disaster line.” We appreciate you David!

Kerri: We have enough BBQ to make 1500 sandwiches, hot on the truck en route to OKC now. Red Cross desperately needs refrigeration. Can anyone help?

Tom C.: I can have a refrigeration truck on site anywhere you need it for as long as you need it. And I have over 70 emails in the last four hours from you guys. Haha. We are Oklahoma. This is what we do.

Nathan: I loved this quote from NBC’s Brian Williams tonight, as he was speaking with Governor Fallin: “I watched your entire briefing today, you had heads of all State Departments, including churches and conferences of churches. You almost have a faith-based FEMA here, as well as FEMA.”

Nathan: Love God, Serve People. It is making a difference and the world is watching. Salt and Light.

The world is seeing the grace and strength of the people of Oklahoma. I’m honored to call these people neighbors, friends, brothers and sisters. But when you tell them how great they are, they just shrug and say:

We are Oklahoma. This is what we do.

If you want to help, donate or volunteer to a local outreach, follow us on Twitter @tmproject – as we highlight local initiatives our friends are leading. The Mentoring Project will continue helping the long-term recovery effort by teaching mentors to love and serve Oklahoma. And along the way, Oklahoma is teaching us as well.

We Are Oklahoma – How Locals Are Uniting After the Tornado is a post from: Storyline Blog

We Are Oklahoma – How the People Have United After the Tornado

Last year, we began dreaming with leaders from Oklahoma City…

As we dreamed, we met business leaders and pastors standing together for the fatherless. We heard Governor Fallin say fatherlessness was Oklahoma’s greatest challenge. We saw a city united and committed to reaching youth through foster care, adoption and mentoring.

Something special was happening in Oklahoma. And it embodied the heart and mission of The Mentoring Project.

So last June, we loaded up the truck and moved. A few months later, our friend Bob Goff helped us launch our second office of The Mentoring Project, the new TMPOKC.

Immediately, we learned Oklahomans are hospitable and generous. Humble. They fly below the radar. Actually, they don’t even know about the radar.

The first time I met the former mayor, he helped me carry my twin babies to the car. Then he bought us lunch.

Oklahomans also have grit. Backbone. A stubborn commitment to love and make their State a better place.

So on Monday, when it was hit with a F5 monster tornado, it didn’t take long for Oklahomans to shine.

Whole neighborhoods were crushed by the tornado, which was over a mile wide. Two elementary schools were hit. Pancaked. The tornado was on the ground for 40 minutes, hitting Shawnee, Little Ax, and Moore (suburbs of Oklahoma City) with a force up to 600 times that of an atomic bomb.

24 people were killed. Including nine children.

As the media cameras focused in on the horror, stories of hope began to surface. Stories of these humble and tenacious Oklahomans.

• Teachers protected students with their own bodies.

• Kevin Durant gave one million dollars to the Red Cross.

• An anonymous neighbor dug out an old man and saved his life.

• Victory Church opened its doors for the 20,000 displaced families.

• Dozens of teams came forward; including Rex Barrett from Frontline Church who led two thousand volunteers to clean up Moore.

• • •

My prayer partner, Tom C, started an email chain with local Oklahoma leaders, determined to help. In the next 24 hours, I got about 140 replies to Tom’s original “Urgent Needs” email.

Here are some excerpts:

Tom C: I am praying as we all are. I can provide 53-foot trucks, bobcats, forklifts, warehousing and labor, and anything else I can get my hands on.

Beth: We are providing gift cards from Target and Wal-Mart for victims, and will hand them out on Wednesday.

Susan: Buy For Less will be donating trucks of food, water and snacks. We are taking donations at our 14 stores that go directly to Red Cross.

Tom H: We have contacted the Governor’s Office and they are coordinating, please pray for our 28 men who are digging tonight at Plaza Elementary School. We have 2 skid steers, a backhoe, a trencher and generators, lights and trucks on the scene. Please pray for them.

Susan: We are lifting up your team in prayer. Please let us know if anyone sees opportunity that may not be widely publicized.

Patrice: We are working to return safe power and to make sure there are no gas leaks from the damage. We have several employees who have lost homes. One employee reported that her granddaughter who was at Plaza Tower Elementary, is out. Thank you for your help and prayers.

John: (Television Station Director) Let me know what message you may need to get out to the public. We want to notify the public of any coordinated areas of assistance.

David: Though there are obviously immediate needs, in the coming weeks and months we can offer the most assistance. When the dust settles, some people will feel desperate and hopeless. We must be diligent after the crowds, media and others have moved onto the next big thing.

Jim: (Hospital President) Mercy stands ready to assist. We have vast medical resources, doctors, nurses and medicine. Let me know if you are aware of need.

(A few hours later, Mercy sets up a medical clinic)

Jim: Spent today setting up medical clinic at the ‘ground zero’ area. While there are super-human efforts taking place, many people are still in need. Of love, prayer, food, clothing, transportation, love, medicine, shelter, love … did I say love?

Kerri: Buy For Less delivered 20,000 snacks to a church in Moore via Susan. Susan also delivered a truck of water. Also, the Red Cross just said, “The DA’s office is whipping through the backlog of people who called on the disaster line.” We appreciate you David!

Kerri: We have enough BBQ to make 1500 sandwiches, hot on the truck en route to OKC now. Red Cross desperately needs refrigeration. Can anyone help?

Tom C.: I can have a refrigeration truck on site anywhere you need it for as long as you need it. And I have over 70 emails in the last four hours from you guys. Haha. We are Oklahoma. This is what we do.

Nathan: I loved this quote from NBC’s Brian Williams tonight, as he was speaking with Governor Fallin: “I watched your entire briefing today, you had heads of all State Departments, including churches and conferences of churches. You almost have a faith-based FEMA here, as well as FEMA.”

Nathan: Love God, Serve People. It is making a difference and the world is watching. Salt and Light.

The world is seeing the grace and strength of the people of Oklahoma. I’m honored to call these people neighbors, friends, brothers and sisters. But when you tell them how great they are, they just shrug and say:

We are Oklahoma. This is what we do.

If you want to help, donate or volunteer to a local outreach, follow us on Twitter @tmproject – as we highlight local initiatives our friends are leading. The Mentoring Project will continue helping the long-term recovery effort by teaching mentors to love and serve Oklahoma. And along the way, Oklahoma is teaching us as well.

We Are Oklahoma – How the People Have United After the Tornado is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Single Defining Characteristic of a Manipulator

So I’ve been studying manipulative people lately. And I’ve been studying them after having been completely taken in over the last several years by a few of them. You just assume all people are good and honest and it’s a shock and borderline offensive to think they aren’t, but the truth is some people are a lot more manipulative than others.

The bottom line is manipulative people try to trick you into siding with them or submitting to their will without directly asking you to do so. They like to trick people into things. Whether it’s a business deal or romantic relationship, manipulative people will use guilt, shame, lies and trickery to get what they want.

I’ve been trying to identify the kinds of manipulators I see in the world, for my own personal protection. There are false victims, dramatics, bullies and so on. But there’s one common denominator. And it’s important and it’s this: Manipulators have a very difficult time admitting they are wrong.



If I have one piece of advice it’s this: Never work, fall in love with or for that matter walk a dog for anybody who has a hard time articulating their faults or mistakes.

People who cannot articulate their faults or mistakes see life as a game. They are keeping score and they intend to win. They want you to submit but have no intention of submitting themselves. Theirs is not a world where we are supposed to create intimacy and trust through grace, but a world where we are supposed to accumulate power and security by tricking the people around us.

The best book I’ve read about manipulators is a book called “Who’s Pulling Your Strings” by Harriet Braiker.

I would never have agreed with the idea that some people should be avoided because they’re manipulators ten years ago. But I live by that idea now. And I’m happier.

I have a friend at the Department of Justice who once said to me “Don, 90% of people’s problems could be solved if they just chose the right people to work with or to love.”

It took me awhile, but I agree with him.

Stay away from manipulators. If they can’t articulate their mistakes or faults, they’re pretending to be superhuman and they’re playing a game. And you can be sure, you’ll lose.

The Single Defining Characteristic of a Manipulator is a post from: Storyline Blog

If the First Will Finish Last, Why Do We Follow Losers

Okay, I’ll admit it. I don’t like to stand in lines. I go early to movies and avoid going to the post office where lines are standard fare. And if I do stand in a line, I prefer to be close to the front. That’s why when I fly Southwest, I pay an extra $10 a ticket to get in the A group. (Not only do I despise lines, I also hate middle seats.)

Coming home from a trip recently, I was standing in my “A” line in the Southwest terminal. My boarding pass number was A-29. I can’t tell you how pleased I was with that number, assuring me of my beloved aisle seat.

As I was standing in my little section marked “25-30,” I happened to glance down at the boarding pass the woman several folks in front of me was holding, not that I usually do this sort of thing. There it was as clear as day – “A-30.” And she was standing at the very front of the 25-30 section.

*Photo by David Morris, Creative Commons

I felt something rise up in me that I’d rather not admit. I thought, “Who does she think she is?” and “Somebody needs to tell her to move to her spot and get in the correct order.” A strong sense of entitlement grew and I began to think about how rude she was, and how I belonged in front of her and she behind me. I began to fantasize what it would be like to tell her to move.

And then I heard an inner whisper that said, “Walk behind.” I recognized the words from the 24 Spiritual Principles followed by my friends at Magdalene House, a place where women come off the streets and find hope. “Walk behind” is one of the guiding rules on how they live with grace and hope, adapted from the ancient rules of St. Benedict.

In a moment, everything changed. I smiled a sheepish “you got caught” smile. I was humbled by my ridiculous thoughts, my speedy judgment, my sense of what I deserved – a ludicrous need to be in front. All of this angry energy was poured into the belief that I needed to be ahead of this woman who was probably unaware of where she was in line. And she was certainly not the member of the Neo-Nazi party that I was making her out to be.

If I look at my life, there are quite a few people in front of me. I have friends who have written and sold many more books than I have. I know others who have large crowds that come to hear them speak. Most of those in the known world have more Twitter followers.

On a day when I follow the “rule,” I’m fine with that. I rejoice at the successes of others, happy for their place in line and satisfied with my own. I can even cheer them on, encouraging them in their journey. And if they need it, they can have my seat or my spot in whatever line has formed.

When I veer from the rule, I am an envious man and want to find ways to get ahead, to sit at the table with the cool people, and to make my way to the front, all the while becoming who I don’t want to be.

I will still pay my $10 to get a better seat on Southwest. But I’m going to commit to keep my eyes off of my neighbors boarding passes. I know where I belong and if I forget, I only have to remember two simple words that invite me to a kinder life.

If the First Will Finish Last, Why Do We Follow Losers is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why You Should Show Off Your Imperfections

I read a recent article that claimed more than 44% of moms report abusing prescription drugs, and 88% have abused alcohol. The study as a reaction to the stress of seeking parenting perfection. There are even more statistics, and if they’re true, they make up one of the saddest stories I can imagine. Parenting isn’t about perfection, but about love. And love is messy.

Unfortunately, perfectionism is everywhere. Maybe it’s ok for brain surgeons and Superbowls, but not for everyday life. We seek perfection in the way we keep our homes, our relationships, our appearances — and yes, even our families. Instead of enjoying those experiences, we fixate on making them better, without knowing what “better” even is. The end result of all this perfectness is not a “better” life, but a life that drives us to escape. Perfectionism only leads to making things less perfect.

We all know this is a hard habit to break once it starts. When you make your life look perfect, the pressure to maintain the illusion grows. No one sees what’s really happening, and no one knows about the exhausting cycle taking over your life.

Perfectionism brings about even more guilt, because pretending like everything is just “fine and dandy” never really feels right. It is a lie, and you can’t do that for long before you start feeling like a phony. All these negative effects build on each other, and the result is more stress, more frustration, and more pressure to keep pushing for more perfection.

*Photo by Rex Features

Breaking the cycle takes a few brave acts. It starts with admitting we’re not perfect, and taking the huge step of letting others see our flawed selves. It can start with small things, like inviting people over to an imperfect house, or showing an imperfect smile during a picture, or letting imperfect kids run a little wild sometimes. And no, it’s not about setting low standards, but about living real, honest lives.

Perhaps, an easy way to fight against our own perfectionism is to allow others to be imperfect. That means having patience, showing grace, and not judging others for their glaring flaws and weaknesses. It means cutting people some slack and realizing that they are probably doing the best that they can with what they got.

It’s important to remember that you aren’t a machine, or a project, or a problem. You don’t need fixing, and you don’t need to be perfect in order to grow. Our imperfections are what make us human, and they help us to relate to each other. So let’s show them off.

Why You Should Show Off Your Imperfections is a post from: Storyline Blog

What Tools Do I Really Need to Follow Jesus?

The other day I was in LA with a friend and he took me to his favorite taco shop. We were sitting there eating when I realized I’d actually been to the bike shop across the street, nearly five years before. I laughed as I told him I spent about a couple hundred dollars on stuff I didn’t need in that very shop.

I could remember it so clearly. I was heading out on a cross-country trek, riding from Los Angeles to Delaware and so I stopped and bought supplies at that very store. I bought special pumps, water bottles, velcro straps to hold my tool kit, bike mirrors and more. I wanted to be ready for anything.

By the time I got to Delaware, though, I didn’t have any of that stuff. It was all dead weight. In fact, none of the real pro riders carry around a bunch of gear. All I needed to cross the country was two spare tubes strapped to my handlebars with a cheap rubber band and a pump. No more, no less. I’ve not ridden with anything else since.

I wonder how much of the rest of life is like that? Do we really need an office and new computers and stationery to start a business? Do we need Bible software and endless seminary classes to start a church? Do we need to read a thousand books on marriage before we tie the knot?

Here’s a tough truth I’ve had to learn: I probably won’t know what I need till I’m already on the journey. Everybody’s journey is different and everybody is wired differently so what we each need will be different. But we won’t know until we get started.

For me, most preparation is just a delay tactic because I’m scared.

*Photo by Tim Quijano, Creative Commons

What if we just stepped into our journey slowly and figured out what resources we needed along the way? What if you started the church and picked up the Bible classes and counseling classes as you needed them? What if you started a business and printed your business cards or bought that new computer the day you realized they were necessary?

What if the first part of the journey was to just start pedaling?

If I’d had known that five years ago, I’d have saved a couple hundred bucks.

Anybody need a rear-view mirror that sticks out from the end of your handlebars? I found it works better just to turn my head. Also, a bike horn? I have two and don’t use either. And I’ve got a Hello Kitty water bottle if anybody needs that. Let me know.

What Tools Do I Really Need to Follow Jesus? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon: David Foster Wallace on Life Before Death

Every Sunday we feature a brief “sermon” from an unlikely source. This week we feature David Foster Wallace, who delivered this commencement address to the graduating class of Kenyon College in 2005.

Sunday Morning Sermon: David Foster Wallace on Life Before Death is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

Good morning! Last week, the good people video won your vote without question. I can’t wait to hear what you think about this week’s selections. Vote for your favorite below in the comments.

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog