Donald Miller's Blog, page 95

A Definition of INTEGRITY That Will Change the Way You Live

I’ve heard the word integrity thrown around a great deal, but I’ve never had a working definition. The word itself has become vague and mostly makes me confused or just creates light feelings of guilt.

But not anymore.

Recently, a therapist asked me to write a few lines about what integrity means to me. I found the exercise helpful. I thought you might find it helpful, too.

In ten short minutes I created a working, tangible definition that changes the way I live. I now know whether I have integrity or not from day to day.

This is not a universal definition. That’s something else. These characteristics are specifically for me. I now think of them as guardrails.

Here’s my list:

Don has integrity when he:

1. Doesn’t promise more than he can deliver.

2. Stands in the authority God has given him.

3. Consistently contributes something positive to the world.

4. Accepts the idea that to much has been given much is expected.

5. Allows God and trusted others to correct his path.

6. Follows through on agreed upon tasks.

7. Acknowledges God as his leader and Jesus as his friend.

8. Keeps work and family in balance.

9. Always keeps love at the core of his interactions with other people.

10. Does not default to a victim mindset, but takes responsibility for what can be done.

11. Does not people please.

12. Sees people as the lost or tarnished masterpieces of Christ.

13. Is strong.

14. Is faithful to Betsy.

15. Is true to his creative calling.

• • •

This list may grow, but I find reflecting on it in its current state strengthens me and gives me a sense of internal direction. I’m going to print this out and carry it in my wallet and even put it in a small frame and place it on my desk.

*Photo by Graf Spee, Creative Commons

These are the warning lights on my dashboard. And of course they will blink from time to time. But if I stay within the guardrails of these descriptors, I should be okay.

What about you? Ever made a practical list of what integrity means in your life?

A Definition of INTEGRITY That Will Change the Way You Live is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon: The Importance of Silence

Each Sunday we feature a sermon from an unlikely source, and today’s is from Ian Morgan Cron, author of Chasing Francis and Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me.

In this brief segment, Ian talks about the importance of silence. As I listened, it struck me that we do a lot of talking these days, which is wonderful and a great way to connect, but I wonder if he’s not right, if we’re not losing the contemplative tradition. We’ve let that go the way of the New Age folks when there’s a rich Christian tradition of silent reflection.

I’m wondering why we’re so uncomfortable with silence, and if our discomfort isn’t a warning light on our dashboard. Maybe comfort in silence could be considered a personal health goal.

Regardless, Ian’s a wonderful thinker and I’m grateful he’s positing the question of silence.

Sunday Morning Sermon: The Importance of Silence is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

An incredibly close poll last week, with Power of Dad taking the majority vote. What about this week? Vote for your favorite below in the comments. May the best video win!

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Best Way to Respond in Times of Doubt

It is a normal day, you answer the phone, and in an instant everything changes.

“There’s been an accident,”

“it’s malignant,”

“I’ve been laid off,”

“I’m sorry, the ultrasound revealed a problem,”

“she attempted suicide,”

“there was a fire,”

“your child was molested,”

“your son has been arrested.”

First comes the surreal moment when you think this is not really happening and then the landslide of reality crashes in. “Oh God, no!” As your hands begin trembling you know it is real.

You pray. You pray hard. You pray on your knees. You cry while you pray, you plead, you bargain, and then… then our heart gets revealed. If nothing changes or improves we get angry, we get furious, we get depressed, we get to our grief and then either find a way to not feel anymore, which keeps us stuck; or we grieve deeply and take our real heart questions to God: both our belief and unbelief. That is what most of us are terrified to do and that is precisely what God wants more than anything; our hearts.

*Photo by paurian, Creative Commons

There is this disturbing and wonderful story that has helped me in such times. In the Bible in John chapter 11, is a story where two sisters, Mary and Martha had a brother named Lazarus who became very ill. They were personal friends of Jesus, whom had been healing people from all kinds of illnesses. Jesus was in another city more than a day or two away and the sisters sent a message to him saying Lazarus, “whom you love” is ill.

Their message reminds me of my prayers sometimes in a crisis. “God, I know you love this person, please heal them.” I remind God of how loving He is and how much this person needs healing. Then I live with the hope that something will improve and the dread that nothing will. What gets revealed about my heart at times like this is that I become angry with God when He does not do what I want with the people I love the most. The bottom line is, I trust my love for them more than I trust God’s.

A very important statement in this story that some Bible translations miss is in verse 5-6. It says,

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that Lazarus was ill, He stayed two days longer in the place where He was.”

Jesus actually stayed away long enough for Lazarus to die instead of coming to rescue him. Why would that be loving? How could that be loving? “God, how could you let my son or daughter or spouse or friend go through this?” In her anger Martha asked Jesus something very similar and because she revealed her true heart, in that moment Jesus revealed Himself fully to her for the first time. When I am vulnerable with God, I am being intimate with God. And when that happens, I discover it is my heart being raised from the dead.

Jesus did something much more than save Lazarus’ life. He raised Lazarus from the dead, opening many people’s hearts to believe that He was the Son of God and brought life to many people.

Often I have found that when one of my children suffers it is not just about the journey they are on, but mine as well. When God does not rescue you or people you love from pain, go to Him with your anger or hurt or fear or whatever the truth of your open heart is. You may find that God wants to do more than simply rescue this person. God may actually do something we never thought possible, both for them and for our own doubting heart.

The Best Way to Respond in Times of Doubt is a post from: Storyline Blog

The 6 Stages of Writing a Book

I have many friends who are writers, but we almost never talk about process. We don’t talk about process because what most of us have discovered is every writer works differently. Some people plot their stories first, others write an outline and so on and so on. I do none of that. I start writing and feel a flow and just keep going from there. I’m normally in about two or three chapters before I really know where the book is going.

Still, there seems to be a consistent process I go through. And in an attempt to talk people out of their fears, maybe this will provide something of a path:

STAGE ONE: Find a voice. This means writing until you really start feeling and “sounding” like yourself. This means working through the trying to sound smart season and the trying to be funny season and getting into the true voice that will feel authentic and true to the reader.

STAGE TWO: Find a subject. Some of the best books ever written were about nature or childhood or a summer in the woods. Your subject doesn’t have to be deep or “self help” oriented. If you’re speaking from your heart and being vulnerable with your audience, they will want to listen to you. Still, you’ll need a topic, a subject. Think of your subject the way a painter thinks about a bowl of fruit. You need to write about something, and hopefully something interesting. And if it’s interesting to you, it will likely be interesting to readers.

STAGE THREE: As the book fills out, begin to break down subtopics into chapters. It’s a golden rule for me to only allow one controlling idea per chapter. That means if I’m writing a book about childhood, I will only spend one chapter on my father and one on my mother and one on sports and one on whatever else. But only one idea per chapter. If your chapter is short, so be it. But make sure to have one topic and one controlling idea per chapter.

*Photo by shutterhacks, Creative Commons

STAGE FOUR: Write as many chapters as you can. Break them up into clear sections until the collection of essays begins to feel like a book.

STAGE FIVE: Figure out your chapter order. This means going through each chapter and seeing if they are building something. If they are, put them in the most obvious order. Then go back and make sure you are transitioning from chapter to chapter. End at least some of the chapters by leaping out to the thought of the next. Just give the reader a reason to want to keep reading. Shine a little light on the next step of the path.

STAGE SIX: Create a good opening and closing to your book. I do this last. I go back to the front of the book and I tell the reader everything I’m going to offer them in the book. It doesn’t have to be direct, but it does need to have some kind of intro. “This book is about grace, and without having lived through the stories in this book, I’d never have learned anything about grace…” and so on. And also a closing. Give people a chance to exhale and tell them again what they’ve learned. If you can, without being too direct, thank them for listening to you for so many hours.

After that, give the book to an editor and start getting feedback. I’d not request feedback before you feel like the book is done. And don’t get too much feedback. Just get enough that you can sharpen the book and then get a little more and so on and so on.

Anyway, that’s basically my process. Mine isn’t like most writers. Hope it helps you all the same.

The 6 Stages of Writing a Book is a post from: Storyline Blog

If You Were a Character in a Novel, How Would You Be Described?

A friend of mine recently spent a few days in the hospital.

He’s fine now, but a few weeks ago he just started feeling dizzy out of nowhere, and kind of weird like he couldn’t see straight. He tried to shrug it off like it was no big deal, and kept working, but within a few hours he was getting worse. Finally, by that night, he asked his wife to drive him to the hospital.

He told me later he actually thought he might be having a stroke.

The doctor admitted him immediately, and ran several tests. Within a few hours, he was diagnosed with what he described to me as a stress-induced migraine, without the headache. They kept him overnight to keep an eye on him, and released him with instructions to take better care of himself — take time to exercise and maybe take more frequent breaks from work. He agreed, and was back at the office the next day.

I was telling the story to a mutual friend of ours, and when I got to the part where I said he was back at the office the next day, she said something I’ll never forget. She said, “If he were a character in a book, you would know so much about him based on that single piece of information.”

I agree with her, and it has me thinking.

The tiniest piece of information can say so much about us, don’t you think?

The smallest decisions I make during my day say a lot about me. Where I choose to spend my money, how I choose to spend my time, if I bend over and pick up a piece of garbage or walk right past it, the conversation I hold with the grocery store clerk — each of these things gives me valuable information about myself if I’m willing to pay attention to it.

*Photo by Amy Jeffries, Creative Commons

But sometimes I ignore these things because I don’t like what they’re telling me; I don’t like what they say about my character.

I love the fact that the word for “character” in a book, and the word we use in English to mean “the essence of who we are,” is the same. It makes so much sense. They are connected, if you ask me. A character in a book develops over the course of a story, and we develop as characters over the course of our lives too. Our “character” isn’t some mystical or intrinsic part of us we can’t change. 

It’s simply the compilation of small actions and experiences over time.

And of course we can’t control all of our experiences, but the closer attention we pay to our “character,” the more power we have to carve it into something we can be proud of in the end.

I think most of us understand this intrinsically, and this is why we are so concerned over what pieces of information we share with others. We’re worried about what it says about our character. Nowhere is this reality more prevalent than on social media. Thanks to Facebook,Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram, we all understand how what we eat, where we live, and what we do on the weekends says something about us.

There is an incredible pressure to perform.

The problem I keep encountering is this: the pressure to perform is the one thing that keeps me from gaining great character. It is the thing that blinds me from the actions and experiences that don’t represent the character I am trying to become. It is the one thing that keeps me living under the shadow of fear and comparison.

Fear of not “having what it takes” all because I’m comparing myself to people who are a different character, in a different story, than I am.

As I consider the takeaway from all of this, I think it’s fairly simple.

I can know a lot about myself based on my actions. Not just the actions I put on Facebook, but the ones I do in private, while no one is watching. And if I’m honest with myself, and willing to put in the hard work to change, I have what it takes to carve a story, and a character, that will live much longer than me.

If You Were a Character in a Novel, How Would You Be Described? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why It’s Often Better to Say Less

I am finding that the older I get, the less I need to say.

It’s not that I don’t have thoughts about things. I have plenty of them. But these days as I edge toward my sixth decade, many of those thoughts simply do not need to be expressed. Most of my black and white firm opinions of my youth have faded to gray, and with the fading has come a quiet grace that doesn’t need to force its way out front.

Being right, making my point, or being heard and noticed, is losing its appeal. I find myself quieter these days, desiring an economy of words. I want my words to matter and bless and help.

I’ve learned more about this from my wife, Nita, who is gifted with many creative things. Often she tries ideas out on me. I love being her creativity guinea pig. One Saturday morning, she introduced me to a writing exercise, giving me a random page from a long essay. My assignment – read the page several times, underlining certain words and phrases that stand out. Then, interact with those words for a while. And after that, black out the unnecessary words. “Something,” she said, “will arise from the page.”

Here’s what it looked like before (left) and after (right).

And here is what formed from the remaining words:

It will arrive.

In the stillness, I know I’m going to find myself.

In that moment, just before all thought -

I know I’ll find that which seems suspended,

motionless,

strange and different and indefinable.

I’m carried along.

The infinite comes into view.

See the wind, the sun, the river with its many tributaries.

Its water burns in the course of my dreams.

The world before me-

Someone made that.

I belong.

This brief exercise taught me something. Out of the plethora of words available, there are a few which – if unearthed, selected, and spoken – truly matter. But more than that, they bring with them a beauty that calls the heart to more.

When I consider the creation story in the first few verses of the Old Testament, it tells how God hovers over the swirling chaos and the void, and then he speaks into it – one or two sentences a day – bringing beauty, order, and a place for relationships to flourish. One or two sentences a day.

I think he was onto something.

There’s more that I could say. There always is. But I think I’ll stop here.

• • •

Of all the words available to you today, what are two sentences that someone needs to hear you say?

Why It’s Often Better to Say Less is a post from: Storyline Blog

Learning to Turn the Other Cheek (Even Though I HATE Critics)

Something funny happens when you write books and a lot of people read them. Life gets strange. Really strange. You start having conversations with people who feel like they know you but they also know they don’t, so they just look at you and are slightly confused but don’t know why. I really want to figure out something to do in those moments because I never know what to do either. I might start singing, or just hold their hand and stare into their eyes. Not sure.

The thing that was the hardest to get used to, though, and I swear it’s true, is that when you have any kind of notoriety people honestly feel like they have the right to be mean to you. Seriously. They will write a blog or a tweet and twist your words around or take your ideas to an extreme to make them look stupid and then call you stupid. And that’s fine and that’s not a problem because we all went through that in junior high, but the no fun part is you can no longer punch back. In junior high you could just find them in the hallway and have a “conversation” and it would end, but when you write books about the grace of Jesus it gets harder to call people morons on Twitter without making yourself look bad.

Here’s how it goes:

1. I write a blog or send some tweet with a thought.

2. Somebody writes a “response” that is filled with vague, passive insults.

3. I respond in an angry way.

4. They play victim and act confused as though they were only sharing their opinion.

5. I pace around in the backyard wishing I was still in junior high and I could just smash somebody’s head against the locker (okay, I never did that in junior high. I mostly ate donuts I kept in my pocket and tried not to be noticed.)

*Photo by speakerchad, Creative Commons

Anyway, here’s the point. People who teach stuff about Jesus are going to be judged more harshly. That’s just a Biblical truth. It stinks but God has no problem with it.

I’ll usually turn the other cheek about 90% of the time unless I’ve had a glass of whiskey or didn’t get a good nights sleep the night before. And then I feel like an idiot.

All in all, it’s a terrific trade. I love what I do, and even though I hate “pretending” I’m not mad because that feels fake, I am starting to do a better job turning the other cheek and accepting the responsibility that comes from deciding to talk about Jesus. If you want to talk about Jesus, just be ready. It’s coming. And when it comes, remember, they’re attacking you because you’re leading. Don’t take it personally, if you can help it.

All that to say, if you insulted me recently and then played the victim when I called you on it, I’m really sorry. I’m not sorry like I’m sorry, I’m sorry but more like that cost me something and I wish I wouldn’t have done that because now I look bad.

Maybe someday I’ll feel bad for real. Maybe someday we can eat donuts together. I’ll keep them warm.

Learning to Turn the Other Cheek (Even Though I HATE Critics) is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon – Cheerleader Reunited With Her Father. Happy Father’s Day!

Well, about two minutes in just prepare to get choked up.

Happy Father’s Day, guys! Without you hundreds of millions of women would still be searching for something, hundreds of millions of kids would be without a role model, millions would still be wondering what love is, what strength is, and what God is like. There are few stories better than the story a dad lives out with and for his wife and kids. We celebrate you today!

Sunday Morning Sermon – Cheerleader Reunited With Her Father. Happy Father’s Day! is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

Last week, Olivia and her poetry won by only 3 votes over the cymbal mishap. And for this week, we celebrate dads. Which of these is your favorite? Vote below in the comments.

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog