Donald Miller's Blog, page 97

The Question That Changed Everything for Me

What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?

This is the question that changed everything for me.

We were sitting on a billboard (yes, a billboard) looking out over the Willamette River in my hometown, which used to be Portland, OR, and my friend just asked it, like it was normal — just as normal as sitting on a billboard:

What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?

I wish I could say his question was immediately inspiring to me, that it instantly challenged me to see things from a new perspective, but that would be a lie. In fact, at first, I was ticked. I was in graduate school at the time, working a part time job to pay the bills, taking out loan after loan to make up the difference. And concern about money was a persistent part of my daily reality.

How much does that cost?

How much will it be?

I can’t afford it.

As for my friend who asked the question, he lived in a nice apartment, drove a nice car (it had seat warmers) and never once seemed to grimace at menu prices while eating at a restaurant. So his question made me angry because I couldn’t imagine the kind of life he seemed to be living, a life where I didn’t have to worry all the time.

I did have to worry about money. Most people did.

What was the point of dreaming about anything different?

Willamette River – Portland, OR

It wasn’t until a year later I actually allowed myself to answer his question. It was a sort of quiet, shameful answer to myself: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment and drive across the country. Then I would write a book about it.

Six months later, I spoke those words out loud.

Six months after that, I actually did it.

The whole story is too long to share here, but the part I want to emphasize is this: I learned so much about money the day I decided to quit worrying about it.

First, I learned that, if you worry about money when you don’t have it, you’ll worry about money when you have it. This was really surprising to me, because I figured the only thing that could make me quit worrying about money was to get more of it, but it turns out that wasn’t the case.

There were moments after graduate school, for example, where I had plenty of money to live comfortably, and moments on the road trip where I didn’t have much more than a few bills. But no matter my circumstances, my inner life was really similar — calculating, obsessing, worrying.

It took me way too long to figure out the power to stop worrying about money didn’t have to do with my circumstances.

The power to stop worrying about money was inside of me.

Also, I learned money is a really bad motivator. I know that sounds backwards because money is a really powerful, driving force. But personally, money motivates me to do stupid things I wouldn’t otherwise do, or just things that aren’t good for me.

While we were traveling, for example, I took a writing job from Craigslist. I had done this before, but this time my motive wasn’t to gain experience, or because I found the subject matter interesting. It was purely because the money was good.

What could it hurt? I figured.

Turns out it could hurt a lot. The whole thing turned out to be really shady, and I’m lucky it didn’t turn out worse than it did.

Money is a powerful motivator, but not always a good one.

I’m not suggesting everyone should just quit their jobs, sell all their stuff, and go on a 50 state road trip. I’m also not suggesting we should be irresponsible with our money. I know there are real financial issues we need to face, with wisdom, on a daily basis. What I’m suggesting is we change the way we think about money, and submit ourselves to an economy not driven by dollars but by love, integrity, community and compassion.

For me, there is so much freedom in that.

What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money?

The Question That Changed Everything for Me is a post from: Storyline Blog

How to Avoid a People Hangover

Just a couple weeks ago I woke up on Monday morning with what felt like a hangover. The only thing is, I hadn’t so much as had a beer in days. Still, I was groggy and sluggish. I took the dog for a walk and hardly wanted to make the block. Normally on Monday, I’m eager to get to work. I try to get two days worth of work done on Monday to give myself some grace for the rest of the week but this Monday was obviously going to be a dud.

What in the world was wrong? I wasn’t sick, just out of it.

Then it hit me. I’d gone from meeting to church to coffee to lunch to dinner all weekend long. I had a people hangover.

As an introvert, I really have to watch how much time I spend making small talk. I know it sounds strange to those of you who are extroverts, but time with people drains me and I hardly know it’s happening.

Sadly, though, I really like spending time with people. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s that social time drains rather than recharges me.

*Photo by Shaun Krisher, Creative Commons

So I decided to manage my people time the same way I’d manage exercise or eating or drinking. I knew everything had to be kept in moderation.

Mostly, for me, though, it’s less about managing my social calendar and more about managing my rest time. In my mind, if not on an actual physical calendar, I make sure I get plenty of alone time each week. I make sure I have till 5 every day completely free to write. I don’t have a single meeting or coffee or lunch. That move alone frees me up to spend quality time with people in the evenings.

Then, on weekends, I make sure I get several hours alone, regardless of my plans. Mostly this takes place in the morning. I won’t get together with anybody till after noon. Then, between events, I take my dog to the river and I try to do that by myself. Those couple hours work great to recharge me between a lunch meeting to an evening with friends.

If possible, I try to take Sunday evening off. Say, after 7pm. I read, watch television or clean the house, but I do it in a way I don’t have to make chit chat.

Of course if you have a significant other “alone” may often mean with them. But the idea is you don’t have to be “on” all the time. Introverts don’t want to have to be “on”.

So, the trick is to make sure you’re getting your alone time, then fill in the social stuff once the alone time is nailed down.

No more people hangover!

• • •

*I’m working on a course that details a system I’ve created that allows me to manage my time as a creative introvert. If you’d be interested in learning more, sign-up on this list and we will email you when it’s available. Give us about 6 months.

How to Avoid a People Hangover is a post from: Storyline Blog

2 Things I Do That Increase My Creative Output the Most

I believe creative work is a dance. I think you have to show up with regular discipline, but I think something else has to show up too. Creativity, despite what so many motivational writers say, can’t be forced. When we create we dance with something mysterious, perhaps subconscious and perhaps spiritual, but regardless, we are only one person dancing in a two-entity concoction.

So, how do we control the other entity? How do we make the words or the images of the sermon or the music show up?

We don’t.

But here are two tricks I’ve learned that greatly increase my chances of being in the same place at the same time with an idea that wants to dance.

First: I write where the wind is blowing. What this means is when I sit down to write, I work on what wants to be written rather than what I’m supposed to be writing. Your subconscious doesn’t want to be controlled, it wants to play. And when you guide that play, you end up looking like a genius.

I may be halfway through chapter 5, but if I’m not feeling it, I don’t force it. But I write all the same. I sit and think about what I want to write, and often it’s another chapter. I start chapter 17, the one about my friend’s new car … or whatever. And that usually flows. I know sooner or later I’ll come back to chapter 5 and the book will fall into place.

So if you’re a pastor, maybe you’ll sit down to work on your sermon and end up writing your weekly newsletter article. The sermon may strike you after lunch or something, but the newsletter article is where the wind is blowing. I promise, go with the wind. The work will be inspired.

You may say, “Wait, I have to get my sermon done,” and that really stinks. If you force it, it’ll likely be a boring sermon but that’s true, you have to get it done. Still, your subconscious has this strange way of knowing what really needs to get done and what can wait or even be skipped. If you never really want to write your sermon, you might consider a career change. No kidding. Your creative side is guiding you somewhere. Go with it.

Regardless, what you find when you write where the wind is blowing is you tend to do your best work because the words are organic and real and inspired.

Second: I write in the morning. Creativity plays best, for most of us, in the morning. The longer I wait in the day, the less of a chance the words will be their best. I don’t always make it happen, but when my writing session starts getting later and later in the day, my days get more stressful. I can’t feel good about the day until I’ve written. So why not write first thing? It only makes sense.

Also, scientists have now proven our mental capacity decreases as the day goes on. Get your creative work done in the morning and you’ll have much more success and not have to feel guilty for hours and hours while you’re putting off your important work.

Those two tips alone get me thousands of stress-free words each week. They’re two of the best tips I know.

• • •

*Would you like to know more about structuring your time as a creative person? If so, I’m working on a course that will explain how I overcome procrastination and organize my time as a creative. It will come out in about six months. If you want to know more, simply sign-up on our email list and we’ll notify you when it’s available.

2 Things I Do That Increase My Creative Output the Most is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon: Bringing India and Pakistan Together

Each Sunday morning we feature a “sermon” from an unlikely source. This week it’s a short-film put out by Coca Cola. It may seem like a simple feel-good advertisement but there’s much more going on here than that. India and Pakistan have been living in tension for years, and it was bold of a global corporation to make a statement. It’s subtle but we like it.

What I love about this little film is it gets me thinking about how often our leaders create tension for the rest of us. Even in the church there is tension between people who subscribe to different theological perspectives because the spokesmen and leaders of those tribes speak out against each other. Arguments from ivory towers cause the rest of us to demonize each other rather than realize we actually like our friends and neighbors regardless of their beliefs. I like how this video goes completely around political leaders and unites everyday people.

Sunday Morning Sermon: Bringing India and Pakistan Together is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

Like you, I was inspired and moved by Zach’s story from last week. The videos are quite a bit lighter this week. Which of these is your favorite? Vote below in the comments.

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

Making Big Changes is a Great Way to Sink a Ship. Try This Instead:

I am a truly terrible boat driver. I was born into a family of sailors and boaters on both sides. You’d think it’s in my blood—my grandfather crossed the Atlantic on a sailboat called the Ann Gail, and my brother circumnavigated the globe on a forty-two foot sailboat 50 years later. I’ve spent all my life on the water, and I love it. I love the sounds and the smells and the routine. I can tie all the knots—bowlines and squares, hitches and half-hitches. I can wrap cleats and make dinner down below without getting the slightest bit queasy. I can shower off the back without complaining and the towel trick is an oft-used part of my routine. I’m a boater.

But I cannot for the life of me drive the boat. Any boat. As I understand it, the core of boat-driving is small corrections: driving a boat requires just teeny-tiny adjustments in steering on an ongoing basis, to account for the sway of the water beneath you. I know this, because whenever I do drive a boat, everyone aboard screams in unison SMALL CORRECTIONS! For the love, SMALL CORRECTIONS!

*Photo by Kool Cats Photography, Creative Commons

This is the thing: I’m not a small corrections kind of girl, not on the water, and certainly not in my life. I like to make whole-sale sweeping changes all at once and all or nothing. I’ll eat nothing but enchiladas three meals a day and then plunge my poor system into a six day juice cleanse. I’ll travel every week for a few months and then swear on my life that I’m burning my suitcase and never leaving my house again. If I start to feel like the clutter is overwhelming our house, I’ll take everything out of every drawer, swooping around the house on a cleaning-induced high…and then I’ll lose interest when I finish about half the drawers.

What I’m learning is that there is indeed a lot to be said for small corrections—for adding in a salad instead of six days of juice, for saying no to one trip but not all the trips, to tidying the junk drawer and letting that be enough for now.

You don’t have to change every part of your life in order to make a positive, helpful difference. If I just get myself to bed before midnight two nights in a row, it’s amazing how fantastic I feel when the baby starts squawking at six. Running for twenty minutes seems like it’s hardly worth changing your clothes, but that twenty minutes can shift the tone of your day.

This is not my natural style, as I’ve mentioned. I prefer grand plans, ambitious undertakings, dramatic pronouncements. But what usually comes after those pronouncements, for me, is boredom and failure and a thousand abandoned plans.

I’m one of those people that has a guitar and a lacrosse stick and a yoga mat. I don’t play the guitar or lacrosse or practice yoga with the kind of regularity that would warrant owning my own mat. But once upon a time I was going to Be A Musician. And then I was going to Be an Athlete. And then I was going to Be a Skinny, Bendy, Grounded Person. All big intentions, all abandoned along the way.

And so I’m giving those big intentions a break these days, and I’m working on small corrections: a glass of water, a phone call to a friend I should have made ages ago. I walk around the block, an hour earlier to bed. Instead of waiting a year and overhauling then, I’m trying to adjust a little every day, closer now, closer now, a little left, a little right. Actually, I suppose I should say port and starboard, sailor’s daughter that I am. Another small correction.

Making Big Changes is a Great Way to Sink a Ship. Try This Instead: is a post from: Storyline Blog

4 Words That Changed My Career

If you haven’t noticed, it’s been about 4 years since I’ve released a new book. During that time, it’s been tough going. I’ve started and nearly completed two books, but to be honest, they didn’t shine. I didn’t want to release them because, well, they weren’t good enough.

I wouldn’t say I struggled with writers block because I kept to my discipline and wrote thousands upon thousands of words. They just weren’t great.

Still, I found myself getting worried. I love to write and want to continue writing but I was stuck. I couldn’t tap into that old flow I used to feel.

But gratefully God intervened.

I’ve a psychologist friend who, after hearing me speak at a conference, pulled me aside. At the conference I talked about how I’d written 1/4 of a novel and thrown it away because it wasn’t good enough.

He said, “Don, I think I know your problem. You’re being too careful. When you first started as a writer, readers loved your work because you said what you felt, you took huge risks. Now, you’re always so careful. We miss the Don who wasn’t careful.”

Those words nailed me.

He was right. I was being too careful. All the criticism and praise and attention had seeped into my brain and I started writing to stay alive, not to express what I felt and believed. I suddenly had something to lose and when you have something to lose, you start being careful.

The sad thing is when we’re careful, we are actually being affected by fear. People are careful when there is a risk. But nobody respects somebody who is too careful. People love writers who give us permission to be ourselves and to express our feelings. Sure, they may fail every once in awhile, but we admire their freedom all the same.

So, how are you being too careful? Are you too careful in your sermons? Does one elder control you like a puppet on a string? Are you too careful in your songwriting? Are you afraid to be called a fool? Are you too careful in your pursuit of a woman? Maybe she needs you to take a risk.

You know what? If you’re too careful, there’s a good chance you won’t leave a mark on the world. Now there’s something to fear.

4 Words That Changed My Career is a post from: Storyline Blog

Your Big Vision Might be Killing Your Project: Why You Should Start Thinking Small

I had lunch with a guy who pitched me on a plan to build 54 orphanages in Africa, one for each country. It was an exciting vision and I loved his passion. But from what I can tell, he hasn’t done any of it. His problem? He was wedded to a massive vision for impact and struggled with the idea of small change over time.

People often make the mistake of trying to do way too much, way too fast. This is your surest road to burnout.

Here’s a tip you’ve already heard before:

Focus on one thing. Do it really well. Then be completely satisfied with small change over time.

When I founded These Numbers Have Faces in 2008, I was fortunate enough to follow this advice. We told ourselves early on that our goal was going to be a simple one: College education and leadership training for students in Africa. Period. People often ask us, “What about elementary school kids? What about high school kids preparing for college? What about clean water, HIV/AIDS, and human trafficking?”

It’s been hard to resist at times but our strength has been in the simplicity of our mission. Now, we are one of only a few organizations solely focused on college age students in Africa. This laser focus has helped us grow and scale in ways we never dreamed possible.

Here’s the truth:

True impact comes from a repeated motion toward a simple goal, over and over.

While it’s not sexy, incremental change lays the foundation for future success. You’ll grow your vision organically and practically. You’ll invite others in and you’ll see your gifts evolve in powerful ways.

And while you focus on the small things, celebrate them as well. Celebrate each tiny step. Don’t get lost in the chasm of “bigger, better, faster, stronger.” Those days will come soon enough.

• • •

From Storyline:


Our dear friend Justin Zoradi released a new book today. If you enjoy his writing on this blog, we recommend you download a FREE copy of Doing Work That Matters: A Small Guide To Making Big Change In The World.

Your Big Vision Might be Killing Your Project: Why You Should Start Thinking Small is a post from: Storyline Blog

What is the Story God Sees Happening in the World?

I’ve studied story for years now, and there’s a structure to it for sure. It’s not as formulaic as you might think, but there’s a formula that captures the human imagination because it rings true. And it rings true for a reason.

Great story tellers nuance formula the way a jazz musician can nuance chromatic scales. They see between the lines.

That being said, how can we decide what kind of story we are living in? What I mean is, how do we decide, based on who Jesus is, what is good and what is evil in life? Who should we oppose and who should we follow?

*Photo by Bruno Bollaert, Creative Commons

Well, strictly looking at Jesus in the gospels, here’s the story:

1. There is an opposition: The main opposition of Jesus in Scripture are religious leaders who have created an economic and power industry out of God’s law. They are power mongers who rule with fear and intimidation, using the truth of Scripture for their own gain. This, of course, is exactly what we see Satan doing. The same spirit of Satan has come into the church and has affected those in power.

2. There is a damsel in distress: The damsel in distress is humanity itself. Jesus is out to rescue the world. If you’re in a cult, just turn to the Truth, which is Jesus Himself. If you’re a pharisee, just turn to Jesus Himself, which means giving up your false power. If you’re a pagan, turn to Jesus Himself and repent of your sins. But the point is this. Go through no man. Go straight to Jesus.

3. There is a villain: Satan isn’t in the text much, but each time he’s in the text he’s quoting Scripture for his own gain. We tend to look for Satan in brothels and he’s there but that’s not how he’s presented in Scripture. In Scripture, he’s manipulating God’s word and being deceptive. How can you spot his influence? He’s never vulnerable. He never admits fault. He is always looking for power. He wants complete submission. He’s a Scripture-quoting weasel who nobody really knows but is always using God to gain his own power and influence. I am absolutely convinced he’s the same in the world today.

4. There is a way out: The way out is Christ Himself. If we cling to Him in faith we become mysteriously one with Him. Our theology doesn’t have to be perfect because Alex Trebeck won’t be in heaven holding a mad round of Jeapordy. It won’t matter what we know but who we know. If we know Christ, we have a way out.

5. There is a methodology: Scripture says it’s God’s kindness that leads to repentance. It isn’t His anger or hate mongering or intimidation or bullying, it’s His kindness. So if we want to call people to repentance, the Spirit of God will join us in kind exhortations of love. Using truth to shock and intimidate is selfish. That’s not how God leads people to repentance. Humbly love in such a way as to shine a light on Christ’s goodness, not your own ability to say something shocking.

6. There is a hero: The hero is the guy who is so in love with the world, He would come for her and die for her. He would turn the other cheek and speak the truth and keep coming back until he won the girl, even though she continually cheats on him. She’s the one he wants. He’s christ. The girl is humanity itself. She gets confused by the world and by religion. The world says screw it all. Religion says submit to my earthly power and you’ll find security.

Jesus says marry me.

• • •

Here’s a way to think about it that is complicated but has helped me: The “Image of Godliness” is always Satan while “Godliness” is always Jesus. Never trust anybody projecting an image of any sort. Period. Truth projects nothing. Truth simply is. Truth has no agenda. If you sense an agenda, walk away. Somebody is manipulating you.

So, if you happen to be writing a screenplay involving who is really bad in the world and who is really good, feel free to paint the bad guys as religious people who quote Scripture. That’s exactly what the Bible does. That’s exactly what Jesus does. There are good guys who quote Scripture but the good guys who quote Scripture point people to Jesus. Bad guys who quote Scripture may point people to Jesus, but they have to go through them first. They have to sign a doctrinal statement or vote for a certain politician or be baptized a certain way. Sin seeks to control you while Jesus seeks to set you free.

Jesus is our way out of the whole mess. He’s the hero. Satan is the Scripture-quoting weasel of a villain and humanity is the damsel in distress.

That’s the Biblical story. And that’s the story of life.

What is the Story God Sees Happening in the World? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Every Good Story Must Endure Conflict

Recently I started reading the New Testament again. My friend Ron Frost recommends reading the Bible all the way through, then reading it again, and then again, until you die. So I am taking his advice. And I’m enjoying it. I didn’t start in Genesis this time, I started in Matthew, and so read the account of the Birth of Christ.

Each time I read the Bible I’m taken aback by how much we dilute the power of its stories with sentimentalism. The story of Noah and his Ark has been reduced to a Children’s story (a God-orchestrated massacre of all humanity) and the story of the Birth of Christ into a regal pageant complete with gifts and robed choirs of angels (A poor virgin and her new husband delivering a baby in a manger of a stable. Followed by an angry king slaughtering all children under two years old to try to kill off the Messiah.)

What I like about the Bible is it doesn’t clean up history. It isn’t a clean book, and God does not always look good (from our finite perspective) and yet it doesn’t hide or sell or bait and switch, it just tells the truth.

One of the problems with sentimentalizing the text is that we begin to sentimentalize our actual lives. We begin to think the Christian life should be free of hardship. We think God is going to navigate us around the hard things. But there is really nothing in Scripture that should lead us to believe this. What God offers, instead, is to be with us, to not abandon us, even in the midst of our hardship.

Laying in bed this morning I was thinking about a difficult thing I have to do. It’s nothing compared to some of the stuff you might be dealing with, just a big job I have to complete. I remembered the scripture from Philippians 4: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I’ve said that verse to myself a thousand times, I am sure. But laying there, I realized something the verse didn’t say. It didn’t say “I can do all things through Christ who makes it easy.”

This paradigm shift is important because if we think God is going to take away our troubles, we assume there is something wrong with us if He doesn’t. We assume we did something bad, or that God doesn’t like us, or perhaps even God Himself isn’t good. To be sure, some of the hardships in our lives happen because we made bad decisions, but even in this we are given the grace of a God who is willing to discipline us in love and restore us. A careful understanding of Biblical stories reveals every hero goes through difficult trouble. Nobody is spared.

In an age where we are taught through commercialism there should be no struggles in life, that the purchasing of a product won’t relieve, the Bible is incompatible. But the age of commercialism has let us down. Many have found their stuff has made life more meaningless. What we’ve forgotten is that every great story has to involve a difficult ambition, and must then travel through the land of conflict. The best stories have their protagonist wondering if they are going to make it. What Scripture teaches us, then, is that God will be with us in that place, and will give us the strength to endure a hard thing.

Here’s to the courage to face conflict, the bonding benefit of hardships, and to living better stories.

(this is a repost from the archives)

Every Good Story Must Endure Conflict is a post from: Storyline Blog