Donald Miller's Blog, page 32

Five Articles I Sent My Staff This Week

As a staff, we are committed to learning and growing, both professionally and personally. One of the ways we do that is by reading. Below are some of the most current things we’re reading together.

If you’re in need of something great to read this weekend, start here.

Are You Brave Enough to Live The Life You Want?

via Brian Clark

Bravery is a trait that is built by a willingness to act in the face of fear. Not to mention, you’re probably braver than you think you are.

What We Get Wrong About Humility

via Mike McHargue

What a great perspective on humility and how Christians often get it wrong. As people, and as a company, we won’t be able to reach our potential unless we embrace our strengths and our weaknesses.

Have A Good Startup Idea? 3 Ways to Make It Better

via Inc

These ideas are great for any small business to succeed. What would it look like for you, personally and professionally, to stay laser focused?

Why We Stopped Assigning Deadlines And Started Getting More Done

via Edgar

I doubt we’ll be giving up on deadlines altogether anytime soon but this made me stop and think: what are the things in our work day that don’t need deadlines?

106 Excuses That Prevent Us From Ever Becoming Great

via Chris Brogan

This is a great list, not to mention a good reminder that the things most often keeping us from achieving our goals are our own thoughts and ideas. Whatever you hope to achieve, I hope this article helps.

Five Articles I Sent My Staff This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

5 Reasons to Attend The Storyline Conference

If you’re looking for a chance to jump-start your life, consider joining us for The Storyline Conference this November in Chicago.

During the conference, I’ll be sharing a step-by-step process I’ve designed to help you find clarity and discover what you really want out of life. We’ll provide no shortage of examples and interviews with people who are already living amazing stories.

Very few people leave Storyline the way they came in.

Will you join us this fall in Chicago?

Paradigm shifts abound, but perhaps the biggest one is this: life is a gift, not a burden, and we have the creative freedom to have an impact.

Here are 5 things you’re sure to walk away with:

1. SPIRITUAL CLARITY: Storyline will help you understand the Story of a loving God who desires to connect with His children. You’ll feel closer to God after you hear His story, and you’ll realize what an important role you play in His life.

2. INSPIRATION: When people leave Storyline, they leave inspired. Whether it’s through interviewing inspiring guests, or connecting with each other, you’ll feel like you’re part of a small community of people who are excited about the life you’ve been given.

3. PERSONAL CLARITY: If you’ve been wondering what you’re going to do with the next season of your life, there’s a good chance that question will be answered by the time you leave. And if you already know, those plans will be made more and more clear as the two-day conference unfolds.

4. CONNECTION: We set aside both space and time for us to be able to connect with each other. Every year, it’s one thing attendees seem to enjoy the most.

5. OUR GUESTS: Every year we have a killer crew join us and this year is no different. We have Korie Robertson from Duck Dynasty. She’s going to be talking about how she keeps her family focused, even with the pressure of the public eye. We also have Bob Goff, who since the last time he spoke at our conference, has been shot at in Iraq. You won’t want to miss his stories. Miles Adcox will also be there, the owner/CEO of Onsite, and frequent co-host of the Dr. Phil show. We’ll of course be welcoming back our friend Shauna Niequist. You don’t want to miss it.

The conference is November 5-7 at Willow Creek Church, just outside of Chicago, IL. Register today. We’d love to see you there!

5 Reasons to Attend The Storyline Conference is a post from: Storyline Blog

How Our Obsession With Success May Be Hurting Our Faith

Our culture is preoccupied with the self and success.

America loves a winner. All cultures do, but we love them especially and I’d even say more.

I remember spending time in Peru, where the pace is slow, even uncomfortably so. I daily watched farmers walk into their fields from their tiny huts and asked our hiking guide what the values of the culture were.

I asked because nobody was really bent on “success” in the American sense. They weren’t trying to build small businesses and seemed content on being, well, largely anonymous.

My guide told me the values of the culture were faith and family.

Photo Credit: Holger Bach, Creative Commons

And if those are your values, you definitely don’t need a lot of money or a lot of Twitter followers. You just need to stay close enough to the earth to learn how God does things, and close enough to your family to nurture your heart.

I believe we praise winners a little too much in America.

We are nearly obsessed with them.

We turn a blind eye to the moral failings of our sports figures as long as they are, well, winning. It’s more of a failure not to score points than it is to cheat on your spouse.

But strangely, these aren’t the values of our faith.

To be sure, there’s an element of Christianity that desires growth.

We are told to go and spread the Gospel, so our ambitions to do so are noble. But to use Jesus for our own glory, that is to use the message of the Gospel to create “Donald Miller International Ministries” is, at its core, a hijacking of the faith.

The question, then, is what are our motives?

Are we content being anonymous in the spreading of the Gospel?

Here are some questions that might serve as a personal filter:

If I die and nobody knows my name, but more people know about Jesus, am I truly okay with that?
Do I believe God wants me to succeed, or does God want more people to know Jesus?
How much effort do I spend planning a performance on a stage in front of strangers vs in smaller groups, contributing to a healthy community with Jesus at the head?
Do those closest to me see the same person as those once or twice removed, those who I blog for, write for, lead worship for or preach sermons for?
Am I truly willing to be vulnerable about my faults, even if it costs me a bit of my platform?

In the end, success is neutral.

Success isn’t a bad thing, but in our success, it helps to realize our culture will lead us astray.

If self glory is darkness, then what is light?

Success may be a quiet life, interacting intimately with people with whom we’ve built trust.

A person doing that in America is, indeed, countercultural.

As we write, blog, sing and preach, let’s begin to “tithe” some of our time as a way of guarding against motives that might prove distracting.

All earthly success will be buried with us in our graves, and nobody will be reunited with God because they knew us.

But if they know Jesus, well that’s another story.

And it’s a better one.

We can be heroic in our subplots, but the hero of the story is the only one who can rescue a fallen world.

How Our Obsession With Success May Be Hurting Our Faith is a post from: Storyline Blog

Are You “Too Emotional”? Use it to Your Advantage.

I don’t actually think there is any such thing as being “too emotional,” although it is something that has been said about me for most of my life.

I’ve gone through long seasons where I’ve wondered if it might be true. Maybe I am too passionate, too over-the-top, too easily upset, too intense, too much to deal with, too excitable… I need to just calm down.

I’ve worked to become more even-keeled, tried to tone myself down, to take a deep breath every now and then. And I have to say, there’s a big part of me that’s thankful for those lessons.

But I’m also adamant about this:

My ability to feel things deeply is one of my greatest gifts.

That said, there are a few things I’ve done over the years that have made my heartfelt emotions easier on me and the people around me.

If people have told you you are “too emotional,” I think you have a super power. You just need to know how to use it.

1. Be careful not to confuse feelings with facts.

Because my emotions are so powerful, they can at times, feel like hard-and-fast truth. This not only causes physical and emotional problems for me personally (like anxiety over situations that I’ve completely dreamed up) but it also problems in my relationships.

I’ll often communicate a feeling like a fact.

In other words, I would say to my husband, “we have no money!” Instead of the truth, which is, “I am feeling nervous about our finances.”

What happens when you communicate feelings as facts is people lose trust in you because feelings aren’t facts. If you communicate them as one-in-the-same, you come off as exaggerating or even lying.

To keep my credibility, I’ve learned to ask myself, “is this a feeling or a fact?” before I open my mouth to speak.

2. Learn to chase down the reasons for your feelings (the real ones).

Sometimes I have strong feelings that seems, at first, to be tied to a minor event. I’ll be anxious, bummed out or even angry for what seems like something very small.

Like I slept in past my alarm and missed my morning walk.

The tendency is to either write the feeling off (“It’s stupid to be stressed over something so small”) or to be silently angry, telling yourself, “no one would understand.”

Neither have ever gotten me the results I wanted.

And to be honest, most of the time the strong feeling I’m having is not tied to the immediate event at hand—especially if it seems like it’s an overreaction.

Usually, that event is reminding me of something old and it’s worth the time to figure that out what that old event is and to talk about it with someone I love.

3. I remember manipulation is my greatest liability.

Because I feel things so strongly, I have a strong tendency toward manipulation.

I think the reason is that when you feel overwhelmed by an emotion (like fear or anger), you find yourself manipulating either your circumstances, or the people around you, to try and find some relief.

You’re like an addict looking for a quick fix.

This comes out as lying, avoiding, bullying, passive aggression, silent treatment, etc. This can get ugly.

What I’m learning is it’s oaky to say, “Hey, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I just need a minute.”

No manipulation needed. Most people just understand.

4. Admit your weakness to claim your strength.

For so long, my greatest fear was having someone realize how “weak” I was when it came to my emotions. I was terrified to cry in front of people and would avoid speaking when I was feeling angry.

Even these days, sometimes, something will happen that feels overwhelming and I just want to lock myself in a room somewhere so no one sees how impacted I truly am.

More recently I’m realizing I don’t have to do this.

When I’m emotional, I tell myself: just let it show. Be honest. Have grace for yourself. Let other people have grace for you. Be you—emotions and all.

It’s in your greatest weakness you find your greatest strength.

Are You “Too Emotional”? Use it to Your Advantage. is a post from: Storyline Blog

Do You Lose Yourself When You Have Kids?

Awhile back, my family and I were having dinner with a friend. This particular friend does not yet have kids.

We got to talking about my three young children and I must have been in an extra sassy mood, or feeling extra overwhelmed by their neediness, because something about my words and actions that night caused my friend to ask me if I ever feel as though I have lost apart of myself since having kids.

I can understand why she would ask.

Just that night we needed to eat dinner earlier and could not stay as long because of the kids.

I don’t think I had two consecutive uninterrupted bites during that meal, because of the kids. And I would be lucky to complete a full coherent sentence uninterrupted, because of the kids.

So have I lost a bit of myself since having kids?

The answer to that questions is a big fat “YES”!

Every morning, around 5:30, I’m woken up by someone other than myself.

As my day begins, I no longer think about going for a run and jumping in the shower, or what I’m going to wear that day, or what I might have for breakfast.

At that awful hour of the day, my mind fills with thoughts about the three helpless little munchkins who would prefer I be 100% “on” from 5:30 in the morning until bed time—and then some!

Now that I have kids, I’ve lost myself in my morning routine.

I’ve lost the part of myself that savors a slowly sipped cup of coffee while quietly reading or just sitting still.  

The part of me that would LOVE LOVE LOVE to enjoy that cup of coffee in a coffee shop, maybe with a scone or muffin, possibly bumping into a friend of mine.

Now my morning routines include heating up day old oatmeal, making bottles, brushing tiny teeth, putting tiny clothes on tiny bodies and rushing said bodies to the door to shove some tiny feet into tiny shoes so I can get the kids to school on-time.

And as the day goes on, it’s the same thing.

 

I’m constantly looking at the clock to make sure every minute is used up wisely.

Dishes done, laundry folded, floors clean and all before kids get home from school and/or wake up from naps. These activities have taken over a career I loved and was great at.

And once the kids are home and up from naps, they want to paint and play chase.

Argue and disagree.

Make a mess and not clean up.

Run around outside and most of all, be with me.

None of the above activities are on the top of the list of what I want to do with my time, my day, my life.

So have I lost myself…yes indeed.

And I’m so thankful.

I am learning that losing myself for the sake of others is what it’s all about.

Having kids has forced me to lose sight of myself for the sake of them.

As someone who loves the Lord and hopes to be more like Jesus I ask myself:

Shouldn’t losing ourself and selfish desires be the ultimate goal?

And honestly, nothing in my life has forced me to do so quite like my three little munchkins.

Never before have I needed the fruit of the Spirit like I do now.

Photo Credit: Vanessa Porter, Creative Commons

Daily, as I parent, my capacity for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control, is being expanded and kneaded into the shape God desires for it to be.

Who He desires for me to become.

This process can be tricky and painful.

We are talking death here after all—death to self.

And while everyday my selfish desires try to shout at and consume me, I find God’s grace, given me through my children, is so much louder and all consuming.

So, yes, I’ve lost a huge piece of myself now that I have kids, but to be honest, I’ve gained a part of myself too—a version of myself I never knew was possible.

I am wiser and stronger and more patient. I am experiencing a kind of love, A fierce, messy, all consuming, beautiful kind of love I would be missing out on if I didn’t give myself to others.

I have so much more to learn, but by God’s grace and love, I’m well on my way.

Do You Lose Yourself When You Have Kids? is a post from: Storyline Blog

A Control Freak’s Guide to Respecting The Mystery of The Creative Process

Everybody knows dating is like a dance.

You can only control your part but you hope, as the relationship progresses, you’re compatible. You hope you don’t step on each others feet.

Things need to feel natural like they were always supposed to happen.

And the fastest way to ruin a good dance is to try to control everything. You just kinda need to move together, as one.

As odd as it sounds, it’s similar when writing a book.

I used to try to control the words too much and so writing was frustrating.

I’d pull up at the office or whatever coffee shop I wanted to work at that day and I’d talk myself up, saying how much I was going to get done, how I was going to finish a chapter or a thought or whatever.

Then I’d sit there at the coffee shop and the words wouldn’t be there.

I’d get frustrated and angry and then the words would get even more elusive.

Here’s what I’ve learned, though.

There’s a hidden, elusive, strange and shy “other party” involved in the writing process.

She’s like a shy little girl who really likes you and wants to show you her words but isn’t going to be intimidated into it.

She can’t be forced.

If she likes you, she’ll write the words you’re looking for on a napkin and pass them across the table for you to write down in your book. And you have to respect her. Always.

So how in the world do you get a book written (or for that matter a blog or essay or sermon) with such a fickle muse?

I’ve learned a few keys:

Show up. She likes it when you show up. And show up without an agenda. Love her for her potential words, not for what she’s going to give you every day. Just enjoy showing up and getting to know her a bit. If she gives you words, she gives you words. But she respects the person who shows up.
Let her talk about what she wants to talk about. You can definitely lead the conversation (because the book has to have a topic, after all) but she may want to talk about something from another chapter for a minute. Respect that. And for heavens sake write it down.
Love her heart. So sometimes her words aren’t that good. That’s fine. Nobody’s perfect. But she’s much more likely to give you the good words when you don’t overly criticize the bad ones. Some days aren’t going to be great. But thank your muse all the same and ask for a next date.

I now view writing a book a lot more like a relationship with a hidden muse than like building a building or fixing a toilet.

There’s a mysterious component to it.

It’s fascinating.

And my job is to show up, day after day after day and get to know the muse and write down what she gives me and respect her always. In a way, we’re writing a book together.

She doesn’t want credit but she does want respect.

Respect the muse, always.

Hope this helps.

A Control Freak’s Guide to Respecting The Mystery of The Creative Process is a post from: Storyline Blog

A Control Freak’s Guide to Respecting The Mystery of The Creative Process.

Everybody knows dating is like a dance.

You can only control your part but you hope, as the relationship progresses, you’re compatible. You hope you don’t step on each others feet.

Things need to feel natural like they were always supposed to happen.

And the fastest way to ruin a good dance is to try to control everything. You just kinda need to move together, as one.

As odd as it sounds, it’s similar when writing a book.

I used to try to control the words too much and so writing was frustrating.

I’d pull up at the office or whatever coffee shop I wanted to work at that day and I’d talk myself up, saying how much I was going to get done, how I was going to finish a chapter or a thought or whatever.

Then I’d sit there at the coffee shop and the words wouldn’t be there.

I’d get frustrated and angry and then the words would get even more elusive.

Here’s what I’ve learned, though.

There’s a hidden, elusive, strange and shy “other party” involved in the writing process.

She’s like a shy little girl who really likes you and wants to show you her words but isn’t going to be intimidated into it.

She can’t be forced.

If she likes you, she’ll write the words you’re looking for on a napkin and pass them across the table for you to write down in your book. And you have to respect her. Always.

So how in the world do you get a book written (or for that matter a blog or essay or sermon) with such a fickle muse?

I’ve learned a few keys:

Show up. She likes it when you show up. And show up without an agenda. Love her for her potential words, not for what she’s going to give you every day. Just enjoy showing up and getting to know her a bit. If she gives you words, she gives you words. But she respects the person who shows up.
Let her talk about what she wants to talk about. You can definitely lead the conversation (because the book has to have a topic, after all) but she may want to talk about something from another chapter for a minute. Respect that. And for heavens sake write it down.
Love her heart. So sometimes her words aren’t that good. That’s fine. Nobody’s perfect. But she’s much more likely to give you the good words when you don’t overly criticize the bad ones. Some days aren’t going to be great. But thank your muse all the same and ask for a next date.

I now view writing a book a lot more like a relationship with a hidden muse than like building a building or fixing a toilet.

There’s a mysterious component to it.

It’s fascinating.

And my job is to show up, day after day after day and get to know the muse and write down what she gives me and respect her always. In a way, we’re writing a book together.

She doesn’t want credit but she does want respect.

Respect the muse, always.

Hope this helps.

A Control Freak’s Guide to Respecting The Mystery of The Creative Process. is a post from: Storyline Blog

Five Articles I Sent My Staff This Week

As a staff, we are committed to learning and growing, both professionally and personally. One of the ways we do that is by reading. Below are some of the most current things we’re reading together.

If you’re in need of something great to read this weekend, start here.

10 Things More Valuable Than Money

via James Altucher

We all believe, as a principal, money can’t buy happiness. But it’s easy to forget. This is a great reminder for individuals and businesses to remember money is not all that matters.

How to Get More Ideas for Great Content

via Kevan Lee

If you’re in the business of creating like we are, you understand this frustration. This article pinpoints some of the tactics we already use as a staff to stay creatively inspired.

You Create The Rules

via Elembee

One very unique thing about the company I run is that, while we are a small business, we don’t operate like your typical “desk job”. What a good reminder for my staff, and for all of us, not to wait for direction but to create the future we each want to live.

No One Is Reading Your Blog and Here’s Why

via Chris Brogan

Have you ever wondered why you’re putting content out there and no one is reading it (downloading it, registering, etc)? This is a great reminder: we have to be better.

When Is Good Enough Good Enough?

via HubSpot

We talk often as a staff about being better—and yet this conversation can get out of hand. If we let our perfectionism run away with us, we’ll never put anything out there and the world will miss out. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

Five Articles I Sent My Staff This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

Four Resolutions of A Recovering People-Pleaser

I’ve been a people-pleaser for about as long as I can remember. In fact, I used to think this was just a “fun fact” about myself. Like, “yeah, I’m just one of those people-pleasers”.

Photo Credit: Vanessa Porter, Creative Commons

It wasn’t until a few years ago I started to see what havoc this was wreaking on my personal health and relationships.

So after paying attention to the greatest ways people-pleasing was holding me back, I decided to make four commitments to myself to overcome this problem.

Needless to say, it’s not totally solved, but these four commitments are helping me make progress.

Here they are.

1. Don’t ask too many people for their opinions.

I used to do this thing where, when I was making a big decision—like, you know, what to do for lunch or whether it’s appropriate to wear white shoes before labor day—I would “poll the audience”.

By poll the audience I just mean, Who Wants to Be A Millionaire style, I would ask everyone I knew what their advice was about that particular topic and then I would take the most-often given advice and assume that was probably the best answer.

The problem was I did this at the expense of my own intellect and intuition.

These days I don’t allow myself to poll the audience for decisions. For small decisions (like lunch) I just make up my own mind.

For bigger decisions, I usually find one or two people I trust and say:

“Hey, here’s my problem or situation. Here’s what I’m planning to do about it. Can you help me see my blind spots? Do you have any additions or concerns?”

2. Be honest first and humble second.

Here’s what I mean by this.

As a people-pleaser, my tendency is to not speak up when I have an opinion. I’ve told myself this is the humble approach, letting other people share their thoughts and avoiding saying anything that might hurt someone’s feelings.

But one thing I’m learning is that keeping my mouth shut is not humble and offending people is just part of life. There’s actually no way around it.

In fact, sometimes the harder we try not to hurt people’s feelings, the more we hurt them.

So my approach is to just be honest and not worry about being too humble. Just speak, clearly and directly.

Then, if what I said hurts someone’s feelings, I listen intently and apologize quickly.

Honest first. Humble second.

If you’re the type of person who tends to speak out of turn or speak without thinking anyway, this might not be for you.

But if you’re like me and you lean toward biting your tongue—you might have to push yourself a little bit to start being more honest.

3. Be loyal to yourself first and others second.

This was something suggested to me by my husband who had seen me be loyal to friendships for years (decades) at the expense of my own needs, thoughts, desires.

At first, the thought sounded completely…umm… rude to me.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how completely draining it was to constantly be thinking about how everyone else was thinking and feeling, etc—at the expense of myself.

No wonder I was tired all the time. Anxious. Depressed. Disconnected. Etc.

These days, I try really hard to be loyal to my own needs first—and when my basic needs are met, I serve others. When I approach life this way, I have so much more to give.

4. No obsessing allowed.

I used to waste hours of my life (you would be shocked) obsessing over an email or a text message. I would sometimes sit at my computer for 45 minutes, trying to decide if I should send a tweet.

Or, after hanging out with a friend, I would drive home obsessing over something I did or said (“I can’t believe I said that! She probably hates me now…”)

My new rule for myself is: this is not allowed.

Either I send it. Or I don’t send it. No obsessing.

Yes, I have more typos in my emails these days and I’m sure I’ve sent a tweet or two that was either dull or self-indulgent.

But I’m also more likely to pick up the phone and call (rather than text or email) if the subject is sensitive.

And I’m not willing to waste my life away worrying about making a mistake when mistakes are how we learn and grow.

So that’s it. that’s my list. Are you a people-pleaser? How are you recovering?

Four Resolutions of A Recovering People-Pleaser is a post from: Storyline Blog

How Can We Rest in A World Where There Is So Much Need?

I admit it’s hard for me to rest in a world that is full of need and full of work that can be done at all hours of the day during every day of the week.

It is hard for me even to think about “good rest” because my mind gets so busy pre-defending this idea against arguments for why more pressing issues should be given higher priority.

Photo Credit: Jonathan Petit, Creative Commons

It can feel frivolous to fret over how to rest well in a first-world reality.

Here’s the question I keep asking myself.

Do I need to ponder what it means to take a break from tasking on the computer when there are people who are hungry on my block or on my planet?

I don’t know the answer.

What I do know is that somehow, rest itself is a discipline, one that works with and not against all of the other disciplines we know are good for us.

It goes without saying that there is worthwhile and necessary work that we could always be doing, and that for the vast majority of the world this conversation itself is a luxury. Even still, it’s becoming clearer to me that something valuable and worthwhile exists in moments of non-accomplishment, and that I would do well to make more room for such moments in my life and my routine.

There are many things resting reminds me.

Resting reminds me that amidst striving (for good causes) and spinning my wheels (for good reasons), there is much that is not mine to do.

Disciplining myself to pause in the middle even of purposeful work forces me to admit that my ability to move and shake and make things happen isn’t finally what makes the world go round.

A healthy and inextricable relationship exists between good work and good rest, but if I turn rest into only the absence of measurable productivity, into empty time that I can afford to skip over to be more efficient—

I cheapen both my doing and my being still.

Instead, I want to see rest as a discipline in its own right, something in which I must participate in order to make an honest assessment of what I am capable of and called to.

In light of those realities, I am released to do fervently and fully all that I can, instead of getting stuck on what I cannot.

Because it reminds me that I’m not in charge of everything around me, rest also helps me remember the real context in which my work takes place: a life, with all its opportunities, relationships, pleasures, and challenges, that has been given, not earned by my skill or strength or cleverness.

I can’t chart on a graph how pursuing and receiving rest correlates to our ability to press forward in the hard work of setting the world to rights in many ways and in many arenas.

I’m arguing with myself over how naive and idealistic it sounds to prioritize such a thing.

But despite my insecurity about how to prove it, my experience tells me that an afternoon canoeing with friends or half an hour sitting on the porch in the evening might just mean something good in the grand or not-as-grand scheme of things.

Parker Palmer says in The Promise of Paradox that tensions and contradictions help us “learn that the power for life comes from God, not from us,” which for now is as tangible a reason as I can pin down for why rest and stillness matter even though it’s also true that we were made to work diligently in the world and make it better.

As I continue trying to un-wrinkle how the disciplines of still and quiet (or even fun) fit into real life, I’m starting to think that true rest might not keep me from my responsibilities and my work, but help me approach it in a humbler (I’m fighting the urge to say more productive) posture.

How Can We Rest in A World Where There Is So Much Need? is a post from: Storyline Blog