Are You “Too Emotional”? Use it to Your Advantage.

I don’t actually think there is any such thing as being “too emotional,” although it is something that has been said about me for most of my life.

I’ve gone through long seasons where I’ve wondered if it might be true. Maybe I am too passionate, too over-the-top, too easily upset, too intense, too much to deal with, too excitable… I need to just calm down.

I’ve worked to become more even-keeled, tried to tone myself down, to take a deep breath every now and then. And I have to say, there’s a big part of me that’s thankful for those lessons.

But I’m also adamant about this:

My ability to feel things deeply is one of my greatest gifts.

That said, there are a few things I’ve done over the years that have made my heartfelt emotions easier on me and the people around me.

If people have told you you are “too emotional,” I think you have a super power. You just need to know how to use it.

1. Be careful not to confuse feelings with facts.

Because my emotions are so powerful, they can at times, feel like hard-and-fast truth. This not only causes physical and emotional problems for me personally (like anxiety over situations that I’ve completely dreamed up) but it also problems in my relationships.

I’ll often communicate a feeling like a fact.

In other words, I would say to my husband, “we have no money!” Instead of the truth, which is, “I am feeling nervous about our finances.”

What happens when you communicate feelings as facts is people lose trust in you because feelings aren’t facts. If you communicate them as one-in-the-same, you come off as exaggerating or even lying.

To keep my credibility, I’ve learned to ask myself, “is this a feeling or a fact?” before I open my mouth to speak.

2. Learn to chase down the reasons for your feelings (the real ones).

Sometimes I have strong feelings that seems, at first, to be tied to a minor event. I’ll be anxious, bummed out or even angry for what seems like something very small.

Like I slept in past my alarm and missed my morning walk.

The tendency is to either write the feeling off (“It’s stupid to be stressed over something so small”) or to be silently angry, telling yourself, “no one would understand.”

Neither have ever gotten me the results I wanted.

And to be honest, most of the time the strong feeling I’m having is not tied to the immediate event at hand—especially if it seems like it’s an overreaction.

Usually, that event is reminding me of something old and it’s worth the time to figure that out what that old event is and to talk about it with someone I love.

3. I remember manipulation is my greatest liability.

Because I feel things so strongly, I have a strong tendency toward manipulation.

I think the reason is that when you feel overwhelmed by an emotion (like fear or anger), you find yourself manipulating either your circumstances, or the people around you, to try and find some relief.

You’re like an addict looking for a quick fix.

This comes out as lying, avoiding, bullying, passive aggression, silent treatment, etc. This can get ugly.

What I’m learning is it’s oaky to say, “Hey, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I just need a minute.”

No manipulation needed. Most people just understand.

4. Admit your weakness to claim your strength.

For so long, my greatest fear was having someone realize how “weak” I was when it came to my emotions. I was terrified to cry in front of people and would avoid speaking when I was feeling angry.

Even these days, sometimes, something will happen that feels overwhelming and I just want to lock myself in a room somewhere so no one sees how impacted I truly am.

More recently I’m realizing I don’t have to do this.

When I’m emotional, I tell myself: just let it show. Be honest. Have grace for yourself. Let other people have grace for you. Be you—emotions and all.

It’s in your greatest weakness you find your greatest strength.

Are You “Too Emotional”? Use it to Your Advantage. is a post from: Storyline Blog