Donald Miller's Blog, page 116

When God Swallows Up Molly

I'm in Nashville for a minute, working with Steve and Ben. We're writing voiceover and some additional dialogue for the movie. The whole thing should be locked in a couple weeks, and we are hoping to release it into theaters in the spring. God willing.

I stayed with Ben last year when we shot the film here in town and fell in love with his dog, Molly. Molly is a sheep dog, about sixteen years old now. I got in well after midnight so I didn't see her but this morning I heard her sniffing around outside my door, and her claws shuffling gingerly against the hardwoods. When I went outside, she was laying across the hallway on the cold kitchen floor, her eyes pointed at me and her tail wagging, but her head against the floor for all it's weight and how much energy it would take to lift it.

I got down with her and said good morning, and scratched her belly. Her tail flopped against the floor and I believe she smiled. Ben thinks she's only got a few months left. I told her what a great dog she was and I told her she was still a very good looking dog. I swear she has no idea she's about to go, she's about to be swallowed back up into God's imagination.

When God Swallows Up Molly is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Learning to Love Your Flaws

Had a long talk tonight with a friend about our flaws, how as we were growing up we were fat or freckled or wore glasses, and about no matter how much we change, we still feel like that rejected kid. She wasn't quite as chubby as I was (or still am!) but she still got made fun of in school. For both of us, the healing really came when we learned to accept ourselves as we were.

It's a slow process, for sure, and for me it included forgiving myself without feeling sorry for myself, and deciding to enjoy life now, not "when I lose weight."

For me, that was the beginning of a long journey of losing more than 150 pounds. I don't always love my body, but I rarely if ever hate it anymore. I've come a long way from those times that, in high school, I'd stress about not fitting into my band uniform. It's been an incredible journey. I never diet anymore, and I keep a closer check on the crap I tell myself than I do on the scale (though I confess I weigh every day as, for me, it's healthy to see that number and accept it rather than hate it.)

I used to hate seeing pictures of me back when I was so much heavier, but now, I love them. I was a good guy back then. I was carrying around a lot more than weight and it only produced muscle. And being that big gave me a big heart. I'm grateful.

It's true we impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws.

I'd rather be connected than perfect. After talking to my friend tonight about our flaws, I'm going to bed connected. Feels pretty good. Hope you've got some folks to celebrate your flaws with too.

Thought this video from Caitlyn Crosby was great.

Feel free to share your very favorite flaws in the comments below!

Learning to Love Your Flaws is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Being Less "Biblical" and more "like the Bible."

You'll never see me roll my eyes more than when I'm reading an old-school Christian book. I say "old school" because these books are changing for the better, and by that I mean they are becoming less "biblical" and more "like the Bible" and by this I mean more honest, truthful and written with less pretense or worldly idealism.

Even hearing the word "biblical" in a conversation will make me want to run for the door. The word itself denotes a desire to "proof text" and I associate it with a controlling motive. That's not always the case, of course, but it often feels this way to me.

As a writer who does not like the word "biblical" though, I love the Bible. In my opinion, it is a rich tapestry of egoless narratives, poems and letters. Most of the writers were not chosen for their skill, I don't believe, but each of them has an uncanny ability to remove pretense from their work.

Even Christ's biographers depict Him without sparing us His humanity. He gets angry, He gets annoyed, He is hard to understand (and indeed hard to follow) and while He seems to love the world, He's as alien as E.T., pointing always toward the heavens rambling about going home. It's brilliant stuff when you stop reading it to figure out if you're right or wrong about something. It's life-changing, actually, the way your life gets changed by a friend over time.

I'm hoping this trend toward books that are less "biblical" and more "like the Bible" continues. I'm hoping to contribute a few more of those books to the world myself.

 

 

 

 

 

Being Less "Biblical" and more "like the Bible." is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Guys, Why do You Hook Up?

So now the same question for the guys (thanks for letting me separate them so I can better compare answers). Why do you hook up?

Most people would say guys are just hooking up for sex while a woman's reasons for hooking up are more complicated. I'm not sure that's true, though.

What are the reasons you have brief sexual encounters that don't involve an ongoing relationship?

Once again, I may use some of your answers in an article, though it's unlikely. Mostly this will give me a better perspective on this aspect of modern American relationships.

Guys, Why do You Hook Up? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Ladies, Why Do You Hook Up?

A question for the girls:

So I caused a bit of a stir a while back by writing an article about relationships. It's a topic I don't give much time to, to be honest. And yet, as I'm preparing an article, I'm curious about why some girls give up sex easily and whether or not they view their sexuality as a commodity. In other words, do you use sex for some kind of social power or to make yourself feel good?

This consideration may sound naive (and indeed may be naive) coming from a guy, but I'm interested in your response.

So, you meet a guy, you have sex after a couple interactions, and you walk away. What did you gain from the experience and what, if anything, did you you lose?

Did it make you feel powerful? Did it make you feel beautiful?

Some of these responses may end up in an article without your name or any form of identity, so if you respond, just know I might use a quote but won't be using your name. Thanks!

Ladies, Why Do You Hook Up? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

How to Share Bad News

I'll echo the many leaders who have praised the grace under pressure Bill Hybels showed at The Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek. As many of you know, Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks canceled his speaking appearance due to an online petition from the homosexual community threatening to boycott Starbucks should Shultz speak at the supposedly "anti-gay" church. Schultz decided to cancel, and the Summit let him out of his contract.

What was remarkable, then, is how well Bill handled the situation. I noticed a few things about his announcement that I'll keep in my file the next time I'm forced to share bad news:

1. He explained the situation accurately, and without judgment for either Mr Schultz or the homosexual community.

2. He corrected the misunderstanding that led to the protest, while also acknowledging a difficult truth that led to the misunderstanding.

3. He showed Mr. Schultz grace and understood his position, even asking the audience for empathy for Mr. Shultz.

4. He invited the audience to "take action" by showing kindness to Starbucks and Mr. Schultz as a way of further dispelling the misunderstanding that led to the protest.

I thought he did a terrific job in a difficult situation. Here's the clip:

How to Share Bad News is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

How to Delete a Good Love Story

Last week I wrote a couple blogs about living a good love story. As many of you know, I write blogs on a whim. Essentially, I'm thinking out loud. What I never expected was to incur the amount of traffic the blog received. And for that matter, the feedback both negative and positive.

To be honest, I wrote the blogs and never reread them, even after all the traffic. I'm writing books at the moment and didn't feel the need to go back. I write blogs, misspellings and all, as a way of journaling through ideas. That said, after receiving critical feedback from people I greatly respect (along with support from people I greatly respect) I feared a backlash. Not a personal backlash, mind you, but a backlash against the actual ideas the blog presented. That is, I feared many would say "who are you to tell me how to live or how to love, I'm going to do anything I want."

I've seen this sort of backlash before in other arenas. I'm convinced a number of preachers drive as many people away from Jesus as they invite toward Jesus through the harshness of their rhetoric. I'm not interested, then, in driving people away from a good love story simply because I used language and presented ideas they found offensive. Especially when the ideas were generated in no more than half an hour.

Another reason to take the blog down is that love and sexuality is complicated. To address sexual matters, especially, is often a graceless conversation, and yet a conversation that can only be healing in a tone of complete and utter grace. My blog, while straight and toned to the language many use while talking over a beer, lacked the tone of grace. That was an enormous mistake on my part.

That said, I'll be revamping the blog posts into some sort of file that I can release to the public in time. I assure you, I'll be checking with my harshest critics before doing so to make sure I'm not offending more people than I honestly care to offend, and that the article brings more light than heat to the topic.

If anything I said personally offended you, will you accept my deepest and most sincere apology? My romantic and sexual history is dismal, which is nothing I hide because I am covered and confident of the grace of God. I'm not interested and see no benefit in shaming anybody. Any shame that was conveyed, I assure you, was unintentional and that sort of rhetoric has never worked to make me a better or more pure man and I've no interest in using it as a tool.

With much love and sincere appreciation,

Don

How to Delete a Good Love Story is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Chris Seay on Story and Living with Conviction

My friend Chris Seay gave a TED Talk recently in Houston and knocked it out of the park. He talks about one of my favorite subjects: Story. And few people are living a better story than Chris himself. Worth the contemplation. Thanks Chris!

Chris Seay on Story and Living with Conviction is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

The New Mat Kearney Record

I got to have diner with Mat Kearney a few years ago after accidentally running into him in Nashville. This was right about the time he'd become a household name. It took Mat about half a second to put me at ease and we ended up talking for an hour or more about screenwriting, about movies, about the stuff of stories. He told me that had always been his passion, that making music was a distant second. Really? Because God knows the man is one of America's greatest songwriters. I caught him at an acoustic show here in Portland where a sold-out crowd rose to their feet and exploded about halfway through Mat's three-minute, detailed musical narration of all the things he loves about Portland, all without missing a beat, all like he'd written it as a song years ago. Turns out he was making it up as he went along.

Mat's new record is out this week. It's been number one on I-tunes for days. It's called Young Love and here's the first release. If you're at work, listening with headphones on, feel free to clap along. Congrats, Mat. I'd love to see that screenplay someday, but we would surely miss the music.

The New Mat Kearney Record is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Got Bon Iver Tickets Yet?

Friends and I are loaded up for the September show here in Portland. It's at a great amphitheater out toward the gorge, one of my favorite places to see a show. So this is just making me salivate. The new record is helping me get through the most recent book. Sometimes when you cant see anything behind you or anything in front of you, music makes the here and now bearable. It makes me wonder why we try to live anywhere else but here and now. All the good work is done in the now. I've never done any good work in the future, that I can remember. It's all about what happens here and now. Anyway, I'm grateful to these guys for making some good music to make the here and now livable. I liked this bit I found on Vimeo:

Bon Iver – For Emma, For Ever Ago – A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Got Bon Iver Tickets Yet? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog