Donald Miller's Blog, page 118

All Great Spirituality is Subversive

All great spirituality is subversive, including the spirituality of following Jesus. Jesus was poor because the truth is there is more to life than money, and money is only a tool. Jesus did not cower to the power of religious authority, because the religious authority was corrupt and misrepresented God. Jesus did not take a wife or even a girlfriend because there is more to life than romance and sex. Jesus did not associate his identity with a specific fashion because clothes themselves cover the truth.

So when we follow Christ, everything about us becomes subversive. We have the audacity to stand in the middle of the world and weep over the false idols of culture, the power, the money, the sex, the fashion. And we do the same within the church. We say to the religious that their rules will not redeem them, to the performers of ritual that their actions have no power. We say to the angry theologian that Jesus is not an idea, and to the fundamentalist that he is too cowardly to accept or give grace.

Jesus is even subversive about the harsh reality of death, standing in the face of it and proving it powerless. Everything we worship, He dismisses, and everything we fear He faces. He is God.

All the false idols of our culture are reversed in Christ, and we can find comfort in this. Why? Because look at the pain in your life. Look at the hardship. How much of the pain has been caused by sacrificing to idols that have no power to help you, no power to heal you, no power to redeem you? Christ wants us to return to Him and find a true God, hanging on a cross where before we worshiped at the feet of flannel shirts stuffed with straw.

All Great Spirituality is Subversive is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Your Friends Don't Really Matter

Earlier this year I read about a prank a psychology class played on their professor in which they began playing closer attention to the professor when he walked to the left, and started looking away or looking down when he walked to the right. After only half an hour or so, the professor was so trained by the class to teach on the left side of the room that he was teaching, no kidding, from the door of the classroom.

If we're honest with ourselves, we will admit that the opinion of other people has an incredible power over what we wear, what we believe and even what we think about. We are foolish to think our sense of fashion, our ideas and even our personal tastes aren't greatly influenced by those around us. To some degree, and I think to a very large degree, we are drawn to the ideas, the clothes and even the artistic sensibilities that will gain us the most favor from our peers.

Unless our peers are influencing us to live unhealthy lives, there's not much harm in this….Except, except that what gets lost when we live like dogs trying to get a treat is our true selves. When our personalities develop "in order to be liked or validated" we lose a sense of who we actually are. What if we like both Bon Iver and Taylor Swift? What if we don't want to wear skinny jeans because they make our private parts hurt?

Of course, we tend to admire the people who don't seem to care, and yet the people who we think don't care are actually the people who care the most. The people who really don't care are fifty pounds overweight and buy their clothes from Target. And yet they know themselves, they aren't as needy as the rest of us, aren't as desperate for validation. Those are the people who are truly free.

Your Friends Don't Really Matter is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

A Good Reason to Get Real

I'm reading Richard Rohr's book Everything Belongs right now and when I came to a passage about using humility to get ahead, I unfortunately identified. Rohr talks about using the language of descent to make an ascent. That is, using the language of humility or spirituality to fit in or be accepted in a given culture.

The Bible contains a recurring phrase that goes something like this: they will get their reward in full…The context changes, of course, but the idea is the same. The idea is that we can really know God and walk with Him in peace, or we can use Him to fit in with a religious social group. The real reward is God, not the group. And besides, when we do things for real, we get both God and connection to the group, so why not be the real thing?

But motives are tough to decipher, and we can go crazy wondering whether we are being authentic. So how do we know if we are really spiritual, if we really love God? The answer lies in our actions. If we are talking one way and living another, we are just using the language of God to manipulate a group of people into affirming us. God says of us, then, that we have our reward in full. And He's right. I don't know about you, but I want more. I want the real stuff.

A Good Reason to Get Real is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Happy Fourth of July

It wasn't until I visited what we call the second and third world that I realized how amazing it isAmerica exists. Our country is a miracle orchestrated by a genius group of founding fathers.

As I travel in and out of corrupt social structures, America really does shine like a city on a hill to show the world a place between heaven and hell. Are we perfect? Absolutely not, and yet, it's that spirit of a country against a country that makes us work. I disagree with Abraham Lincoln to some degree (I should confess I count him as one of ten or so heroes) in that a house divided against itself can truly stand, and does.

The genius of our system lies in checks and balances, in the brilliance of our founding fathers to realize man given too much freedom will move toward corruption. What makes American work are all the intricate systems that keep any group from gaining too much power, and so many of our current problems can be traced to one group or one ideology working around that system to gain too much influence. I am neither Republican or Democrat, and I applaud when our branches are divided.

The success of our country proves the depravity of man, and how if that depravity is kept in check for the common good, the common really can do good. I'm proud of what our founding fathers have done, and what countless soldiers have given their lives to defend. And I'm grateful we celebrate our independence today and hope other countries around the world learn from us and place checks against their own power structures so their people can strive. Happy independence day…

Happy Fourth of July is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Sign up For Our Podcast!

Late this year or early next year my friend Chase Reeves and I will be releasing a years worth of podcasts. Every so often I head over to Chases studio and we sit and talk about life, love, God, sex, church, morality and so on and so on. The conversation always proves interesting as Chase and I are old and good friends but come from very different perspectives. Chase is a former Christian who has left the church and is asking questions about God, and I'm a Christian who has a strong belief in Jesus but doesn't tend to believe the modern evangelical church has all the answers. We didn't realize how much we'd enjoy the conversations when we started, but we've grown to love our times together, and always come out of our conversations with a better understanding of how the other thinks, and a greater respect for the joys and hardship of faith. If you're interested, head on over to the website and give us your e-mail address. When we release the podcast, we will let you know. We hope you like it. You can learn more here.

Sign up For Our Podcast! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

I Found a Home in You

Funny how somebody else can become your home. Funny how we find a home in each other. I've always found more proof of God in relational dynamics than in science. All this stuff about love and oneness puts flesh on that boring talk about the Trinity. Thinking of this as I listen to a Tegan and Sara song.

I Found a Home in You is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Customer Service at the Highest Level? Simply Amazing!

My friends Chris and Alice Canlis inherited a restaurant years ago that they've since turned over to their sons a few years ago. It's a fine-dining restaurant in Seattle and has won many awards for food, the wine and the service. As a family, they are all about service. I've learned a lot from them over the years, a lot about humility, kindness, excellence and loving people through action more than words. Anyway, somebody sent me a link to an article on the Today Show's page about an aspect of their service I found rather remarkable. It made me want to be a better, more altruistic service in my own career. Perhaps it will hold the same inspiration to you.
Reprinted from The Today Show food column called "Bites." It lives here.
By Wilson Rothman

My birthday tradition of the past few years has been a visit to Canlis, one of Seattle's mainstays for celebration seekers and the well-to-do. Founded in 1950, it's outlasted most of its competition, yet manages to stay fresh — it recently received culinary accolades in both Food & Wine and Saveur. The food is surprising and exquisite, the wine pairings are perfect. So why, whenever I describe Canlis to friends, do I always end up going on and on about the valet parking?

It's simple in the way the best magic tricks are: When you pull into their carport, a friendly guy in a jacket and sneakers greets you, takes your keys and vanishes with your car. No tickets, no names, no nothing. Then, two or three hours later, as you're walking out the huge glass doors, your car glides up. Glides up. It isn't waiting there for you, but is easing in just as you are easing out.

Now let me say that Canlis isn't one of those cute little restaurants with eight tables where the owner is also cooking all the food. It has the capability of serving hundreds, with a huge dining room, a piano bar and multiple private party spaces. The first time my wife and I went, there was, in addition to the restaurant's typical business, a gathering of 100 people in an upstairs room, arriving and leaving in large clusters.

How in hell can they park and retrieve all of those cars, without one single ticket or name? The tech nerd in me got to brainstorming possibilities.

Maybe closed-circuit cameras throughout the restaurant could help valets track the movement of guests. Perhaps they screenshot you walking through the door, and digitally assign your keys to that image.

Or maybe it's based on payment: Assuming they somehow manage to confirm your name or table with the hostess, what if they got an instant message when you pay your check, alerting them to ready your vehicle?

I could go on — something to do with proximity-detecting lasers, or perhaps RFID tags secretly stuck onto your clothing — but instead I decided that the best bet was to ask. I called up co-owner and third-generation scion Mark Canlis, and begged him to divulge the secret.

"I'll tell you, and you'll tell everyone else, but no one will believe it," Canlis said to me. "They [his valet-parking crew] care a whole lot more than anybody else does." What's that supposed to mean?

"For 60 years, someone has stood out there, welcomed the cars in, shook the guests' hands and let them in the restaurant," Canlis said. "There are no tickets, there's no fancy computer system, no chits, no counting cars, no secret book. They just remember. The whole thing is from memory."

Canlis does admit that there's a lot of secret chatter happening outside what he calls "the bubble," the happy place where each party remains oblivious to the frantic work of the staff. If you look hard enough, you can spot valets on the prowl, and even notice a few blind spots where servers could tip off the car jockeys to the status of a given diner.

But back in the beginning, there really was a magic trick, or at least a magician.

[image error]Canlis 

Dick Sprinkle was in charge of valet parking at Canlis from 1950 to 1990.

"In the early days, when my granddad opened the restaurant, he called his buddy Dick Sprinkle in. Essentially he had a photographic memory. He remembered your wife, and your next wife, and all your children. He knew when you upgraded from one car to another," Canlis said.

Sprinkle's total recall capabilities proved that large-scale valet parking could be done without tickets or names, but when it came time to replace him, they couldn't exactly advertise for another valet-parking savant. Sprinkle's replacement, Shawn Leuckel, had to teach himself — and his whole staff — how to pull it off without superhuman powers.

"Shawn does not have a photographic memory, he just practices," Canlis said. "He's hired 30 or 40 guys [since joining in the 1980s], and every one of them learns. They work their tails off."

What's the point of this, when it would be so easy to just hand out tickets? "The whole feel of the restaurant is that you're coming to our home. Why would I turn you into a number? It's not fine dining, it's not service. I am shocked when I go to a restaurant and they turn me into a number."

Even Canlis himself, on occasion, has to park cars. He says the staff doesn't necessarily expect him to be as skilled as Dick Sprinkle, but he's got to hold his own. "I have to be proficient. I can successfully memorize my five cars. I had to practice that. You know, 3 Series BMW with the really dirty wheels; Asian gentleman, super sharp suit, open collar, blue Jetta; tattered pair of jeans, huge scrape across the car."

For the valets, the game of memory continues all night long. "'Here comes table 23, she's got the red dress on, he's got the Armani suit. This one? No, this one!' And they tear off running," Canlis said. "Their uniform includes running shoes — they run a lot."

 

Customer Service at the Highest Level? Simply Amazing! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Be Secretly Incredible

My friend Bob Goff (@bobgoff) has a little saying he keeps close to his heart: Be Secretly Incredible. It's something I think about nearly every day, but something I rarely follow through on. I put ten times the energy into being "publicly good" than I do into being "privately good." But something in me is starting to change.

Maybe it happens as we get older. Maybe we start to realize how much our early adult years have been spent projecting an image rather than establishing character, and maybe I'm in that stage where looking back on that season makes be queasy. If I were being hard on myself, I'd accuse myself of being a con artist. But that's too hard. The truth is we all want to be perceived as hard-working, good people because those are the people who get respect. But being a hard-working, good person is, well, hard work. And the true rewards come to those who establish that kind of character for real.

How much time do we spend talking about a cause vs working on behalf of a cause? How much time do we spend talking up our marriages vs loving our spouse? How much time do we spend talking about theology vs doing our theology? These are all questions I'm pondering, questions that might help me become "secretly incredible."

Be Secretly Incredible is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

What are You Looking for in a Spouse? Why not Create a List?

After Paige and I got engaged, she found an old journal entry describing what she wanted in a man. She e-mailed it to me explaining I was all these things and more. But I confess I knew I fell short. I think she still has blinders on, and I'm thankful for that. But what this list is a gift to me, all the same. The list gives me an aim, a goal, a reference against which to test my character.

Most women start dreaming about their husbands at an early age, and that became more and more clear to me as Paige and I fell in love. I wasn't just a man, I was her dream come true, the man upon whom she rested her hopes. It was frightening, I confess, and God knows I have failed and will fail again and agin. And yet I am thankful for a woman who had vision, who wanted the best for herself and her family.  Though the challenge of becoming the man her list describes frightens me, it's a challenge I accept. I love this woman. And I know it's in my power to be her dream come true, or her worst nightmare. I want to be her dream come true. I accept that agency fully, and defer it to nobody.

What is great about creating a list like this is it gives a single person a filter through which to weed out candidates that don't fit. Paige confesses she didn't have a lot of faith anything like this man could exist, and we've both grieved the men of lesser character that she entertained, even as we have grieved my own sordid character, before I knew the good women I spent time with were beautiful and sacred and yet belonged to other men who would honor them and grieve my neglect for their beloved. In the end, we are both thankful Paige never settled. Somehow she always moved on, always let them go and trusted God would give her a man who loves her heart uniquely.

I'd advise any young girl or young man to create a list like this, and to have faith and sacrifice each day to honor the man or woman who will fulfill those desires. For Paige, this meant seasons of loneliness, seasons of going without, seasons of doubt. Perhaps this will be the gift you will give your spouse, your loneliness, your steel determination to endure though your faith is weak.

Another great thing about creating a list is that Paige helps me become this man. She and I both know I am not yet the man she has dreamed of. How can I be? She has dreamed of me with children on my lap, hanging a swing in a tree, shoveling a driveway full of snow, slipping a letter into her suitcase when she zips her suitcase up for a trip. She has seen me with a walking cane. She has seen me opening a worn Bible. She has seen me crying beside her in prayer. I'm not that man yet. I hope to be.

Paige is helping me become her dream come true. She understands that she must actively participate in my becoming. She honors me and respects me. She believes I am the person I am not, she believes I am the person I can become, with her help and with God's. She's turned the other cheek a thousand times in our courtship, always choosing to believe my heart is good. And because she believes my heart is good, my heart is becoming something better each day.

This list isn't only my ambition, it's hers. She wants me to become her dream come true. And she's working to make it happen.

Here's Paige's list:

I was looking through old journalings and I found this list… you do every one of these things! I am so blessed to have you! Love you!!!

I want someone who…

- loves God with his whole heart.

- wants to talk to me everyday, 30 times a day if that's what I need that day.

- can't wait to see me again

- is always thinking about me

- surprises me, in good ways from the little to the big

- plans dates for me

- follows through on what he says he's going to do

- is consistent in his actions and behavior

- doesn't disappear

- reassures me of his feelings for me with his actions and words

- wants the whole world to know how he feels about me, isn't afraid to show it or say it

- puts me first, after God.

- is not afraid of my sensitivities, scars and wounds but wants to be a part of healing them

- always makes time for me no matter what else is going on.

- pursues me

 

What about you? What are you looking for in a spouse. Nobody is perfect, for sure, but I honestly believe it's a good idea to set the bar high. Create a list today, why don't you?

 

What are You Looking for in a Spouse? Why not Create a List? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Happy Fathers Day Everybody!

If you're a dad who is working hard to love his kids and their mom, today we celebrate you. A father is a position created by God that only a man can fulfill, and God created your role to bring order into chaos. Without you, your kids wouldn't have somebody to read them a story at night, to give them a sense of security. Without you, your daughters might doubt there could be a man out there who could love them the way you love their mom. Without you, there would be a wound in the soul of your children, and a wound in the soul of your wife, too.

I hope you take some time today to think about how much better you are making the world around you. I know it can be tough sometimes, and I know the world goes out of its way to celebrate lesser men, but stick it out and do the hard work because the truly rich blessings in this life go to the ones who endure in quiet goodness.

Here's a verse that comes to mind as I think about the responsibility of fathers. It's from Genesis 4:

"The Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it."

So that's the call of a Father, to do well, and to rule over the sin that, without you, would no doubt rule over your family. May God give you the strength and endurance necessary to create a better world for those you love. It's a noble calling, to be a dad. Way to go, Dads!

If you're not a dad yet, but you'd like to help shape order out of chaos, consider mentoring a child. You can learn more about an initiative I started many years ago called The Mentoring Project here.

Happy Fathers Day Everybody! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog