Donald Miller's Blog, page 119

Support The Mentoring Project for Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day to all you great dads out there. Thanks for doing the hard work of providing for your families, both financially and emotionally. And especially spiritually. Thanks for pointing your family to their true Father in all that you do. We know the work isn't easy, but both me and the folks at The Mentoring Project have high praise for you this week. Enjoy your fathers day, and I hope you are celebrated.

If you grew up without a Dad, you'll be glad to hear that The Mentoring Project has had an explosive year. We've partnered dozens of kids with older brother and father-figures. A recent match took place between our friends Don and his mentee Tony. Don read some statistics about what happens when Fathers abandon their children and felt compelled to do something about it. He signed up with TMP and today enjoys a friendship that is changing Tony's life, but also his own. Both of them were recently interviewed on CNN for a feature on mentoring. We are so proud of you guys! Way to go!!

If you don't know anything about The Mentoring Project, it all started several years ago after I wrote a book called Father Fiction. During that time I realized the issue of fatherlessness needed more than a book. Much more. I could see a generation hurting – and knew I had to do something. So I started The Mentoring Project. And it's been a joy to watch it grow from that one idea into an international movement.

If you've read my books, you probably know I grew up fatherless and had a lot of father figures growing up. I had a cast of characters that taught me a lot of things. In Junior High, one of those guys, David Gentiles, mentored me and encouraged me to write. I am a writer today because of him.

The Mentoring Project is about that. It's about taking ordinary guys and helping them mentor fatherless boys. The Mentoring Project is doing this in the lives of hundreds of boys. This is why, every month, I send them a gift. This Father's Day – join me and give a monthly gift to support a boy who is growing up without a dad.

You can do so by clicking here.

Thank you and Happy Father's Day!

Don

Support The Mentoring Project for Fathers Day! is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Seen the Trailer for Blue Like Jazz Yet?

Here it is:

Seen the Trailer for Blue Like Jazz Yet? is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Taking a Break

After the Storyline Conference here in Portland last week, I've decided to take a break from blogging. I'm not sure when I will return, but my guess is it will be later in the summer. I've got a deadline on a book and a number of important social commitments and want to give my attention to those people and projects. Plus, I just need to read some more books and do some more thinking before writing more blog entries. I trust you understand. In the mean time, though, here are some links to some of my more popular blog entries:

Stop Being Motivated by Gui lt

The Two Words that Kill the Heart the Fastest are "Ought To"

How The Fall Makes You Feel

Taking a Break is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Remembering R.G. LeTourneau

One of the great creators of the last century was a man named R.G. LeTorneau, who invented and created many of the mammoth earthmoving machines that build our roads, raise our buildings and mine the depths of the earth. LeTorneau died on this day in 1969 and worked tirelessly over his life to dominate an industry and inspire thousands to greater engineering feats.

LeTorneau did not separate his faith from his work, seeing the creation of earthmoving mechanics as an extension of the play he enjoyed with the world God made. He flew endlessly to the corners of the world to inspire people of faith to work with their minds and hands to better the world, and even bought an old hospital in Longview, Texas to start a university, now called LeTorneau University, one of the most esteemed engineering schools in the country.

Toward the end of his life, LeTorneau used his knowledge to start colonization and land development to assist the poorest of the poor in Liberia and Peru.

LeTorneau taught us more than how to move the earth, but that if we plunge fully into the field that fascinates us, we can change the world in through the free and passionate pursuit of our interests, and reminds us that the glory of God is man fully alive.

Remembering R.G. LeTourneau is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

The Hangover

Went to see The Hangover 2 tonight with Paige. I honestly thought the first movie was great. And it was funnier the second time. But the sequel stunk. Actually, it made me a little angry because it felt like they made it for the money. As always, I tend to think about life when I watch a movie. Stories are just summaries of people's lives, so there can be common themes between a good story and a good life. Do I dare pull life lessons from The Hangover? Why not? I've got nothing to blog about tonight.

What The Hangover II lacked was a lot of what is lacking in most people's lives, I think, and I'm not talking about drugs and Mike Tyson. The movie lacked a heart. The movie was inauthentic and fake and for that reason wasn't very funny. Here's the rundown:

1. Whoever wrote it was in it to entertain, not to tell a good story. The writers went for the cheap laugh rather than the meaningful story. It's like that guy at the bar who is trying too hard and hasn't found his true self. It works for a minute, then it gets old fast.

2. Hangover 1 was crude, and perhaps this movie was just as crude but the crude humor didn't work. It wasn't playful, it was just gross. I don't think anybody was laughing when the big reveal came that one of the leads had done gross stuff while he was drunk. Nothing really funny about that. That's a problem, but the real problem is the movie appealed to a stupid audience, and I just felt stupid for buying a ticket. But that's another thing about life, too, that crude humor may seem like it will get a laugh but in the end you just weed out the folks with an ounce of sophistication.

3. The movie lacked love. The first movie involved characters that were bonding over a challenge and an adventure, but this movie missed that magic completely. The movie was about a wedding, of course, but none of it was believable because the characters didn't do anything that revealed their commitment to each other. Nobody really sacrificed for the girl, and hardly anybody sacrificed for each other. That's no kind of story and it's no kind of life.

Okay, so now that I've made a fool of myself pulling life lessons from The Hangover part two, there's no need to go on that Buddhist retreat you were thinking about. Happy to have set you straight.

Sincerely,

 

Don

P.S. Nothing this shallow will be discussed at Storyline! It's coming up fast. We have ten seats left. Come on out to Portland!

The Hangover is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies.

I confess I'm the type of person to hold a grudge. It's not that I want power over people, which is often the motive for holding a grudge, it's just that I want all-due glory for my suffering. What I mean is, if somebody is causing me some pain, I want them to know I am bearing it for them. For this reason, it's hard for me to forgive my enemies. If people slam me on the internet, it's hard to forgive. If people screw me in a business deal, it's hard to forgive, too. And for so long it seemed there was nothing I could do about it. I knew I'd be better off to forgive, but how? What are the steps to controlling your uncontrollable emotions?

I don't fully know the answer to that question. Part of the reason it's so hard to forgive is pride. If I forgive, it feels like I'm also saying they had the right to do me wrong. That doesn't feel right. But it's a real feeling. And also, if I'm having to forgive somebody who really has no idea what they did that was wrong, which is even more difficult, because you are doing the hard work of forgiving them and they have no idea they wronged you, or worse, they don't honestly care. So why forgive?

Before I say why, I should say how. Here's how:

• Go through the stages of grief. Let the offense shock you, then let it completely hurt you. Don't avoid the pain. Sit with it and feel it no matter how unbearable it is.  Please know it will end in time. It will get 2% easier every day. Just feel it like a toothache and soon enough it will transition into something bearable.

• Then let the offense make you angry. Don't lash our or you'll be guilty yourself. Talk about it with trusted friends but confess you're angry and your emotions aren't under control. And don't feel bad for being angry. The last thing you need is anger and shame. Just punch a pillow and make it through. The anger, like the pain, will lessen over time.

• Then after being angry, accept what has been done. Just accept it as a fact and don't over analyze it. It happened. This will still be shocking at first, but in time, you will accept it as a fact that you can't change.

• From there, you're at a place to forgive. It will be hard work, but it's worth it. Sit and pray for the person you've been hating. Sit and imagine them with a good life, them coming to realize that what they did was wrong, maybe not to you, but to somebody, perhaps to God. Then be willing to love them in your heart. Want the best for them. Hope for the best for them. Stop praying for God to destroy them and pray for God to bless them. Pray for God to open up their hearts so they can receive the love that will stop them from hurting others. This is the only way I know how to forgive.

Why should we forgive? Well, there are many reasons, but I'm only going to focus on a few.

• The first is because, believe it or not, forgiveness is a pleasurable experience. No kidding, it feels much better than anger or hate. God has designed forgiveness as a powerful blessing for those who have been hurt. The experience of truly forgiving somebody can make you more happy than if you'd never been hurt in the first place.

• The second reason for you to forgive is that it removes you from being entangled in the rather dark thing that hurt you in the first place. If it was a bad business deal, then you get to be free of it and maintain your integrity. If it was a family member talking behind your back, you get to remove yourself completely from all the complications of gossip. Forgiveness sets you free from being bogged down in knee-deep mud. Forgiveness gives you a taste of what it feels like to be God, and it's a terrific feeling. God forgave us because it gave Him pleasure to do so. He was happy to do so. Love forgives, and so does God, and so can you.

• The third reason to forgive is that you open yourself up to amazing possibilities for a happy life. When you don't forgive, you draw the curtains in your soul and your life gets dark. When you forgive you let the light in again, and you go on about your life in peace. And don't you want some peace? Isn't it time for some peace?

• The greatest thing about forgiveness is it will allow you to love again. It will allow you to love and be loved. And believe me, it's worth it. Forgiveness is tough, for sure, but love is infinitely more valuable than the pain of forgiveness costs. No matter what you have to go through to forgive, you're getting a steal of a deal to be able to love and be loved again. Pay the price and I promise you'll be happy you did.

Want to be Happy? Forgive Your Enemies. is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Love is a Need, not an Emotion

In reading David Brook's book The Social Animal I was surprised by the research he assessed on the emotions involved in being in love. It turns out that love is not an emotion at all, and that when in love, many areas of our brain are activated and heightened. A scan of a persons brain who is experiencing the mystery of love looks surprisingly like a scan of a persons brain who is experiencing a cocaine rush. Love is a desire that takes over our lives, the Neuroscientist Jack Panksepp argues.

For me, the thrill of being in love is a rather confusing and painful pleasure. While I want to be around my beloved all the time, I also want my independence, I want to be free of my need for the very muse that is creating the need I want to be free from. I've noticed that while in love, the desires are all insatiable. If Paige and I are apart, we want to talk on the phone. But the phone is not enough. When we switch to face time we feel better connected but this is not enough, either. And so you'd think this would all be solved by being together, but being together is not enough, we have to kiss, we are tempted with more than kissing, we have to be touching while watching television or taking a walk. It's all very ridiculous. I spent years as an independent man and now I'm addicted to a yell0w-headed girl. If I weren't actually experiencing it and enjoying it so much, I'd diagnose our dynamic as a disease.

All that to say, God calls himself Love. And it makes me wonder if God needs. It sounds wrong to say it, as though need is a symptom of incompleteness, but is it? Does God need us? We know he wants us, but does he need us? He needs the other members of the Trinity and is not Himself without them, and if He invented love as a metaphor to help us understand himself, then we have to grapple with the idea love is in fact a great need, and perhaps grapple with the greater question of whether or not God needs us.

The need that we call love is not a perfect metaphor for God. It's a drawing of a tree to describe a tree. That said, though, I think God more than likes us, I think he created us in such a way that he needed us to fulfill him, and I refuse to see this as weakness. Interdependence is strength, as is the insatiable desire to connect, to listen, to exchange and even to touch. There is a growing part of me that believes when we get to heaven, we will be reunited with the one we need, and the one who needs us in return. And this will be by design.

Thoughts?

Love is a Need, not an Emotion is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

How to Partner with God in His Work

I've heard plenty of Christians talking about partnering with God in His work. I think this is a great concept, but usually when that work is explained it's incredibly limited. When people partner with God in his work, they're often talking about building the church, and even then the church is so narrowly defined you'd think God's work was exclusively about building small, academic institutions in which people study theories about God. I think God is truly working to build those small academic communities we commonly think of as church, but the whole church is much larger and less easily defined. God can see the church but we can only feel around in the dark and recognize it when we see a common Jesus in a neighbors heart.

That said, I think God is working on much, much more than building the church. If we look at the work God has done, we see God has made beauty, so I think creating beauty is Gods work. We see that God has created structure and order, so cultivating a place is God's work, too. God created love, and seeks to protect love, so creating and protecting love is Gods work and we can partner with him in that work. God created brains that can solve problems, so science is God's work as well as theater and literature.

When we narrowly define God's work, we end up channeling people into working for the church, often motivated by guilt, rather than partnering with God in whatever skill or passion he has given to them as a gift, as a way of bonding with him.

So, do you really believe planting a garden is a way to partner with God in his work? Do you believe writing and performing a play is partnering with God in his work? What about studying micro-organisms? What about baking a cake? It's all God's world, and in everything we do we can partner with him in his love for it. How do you partner with God?

How to Partner with God in His Work is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Feeling Stuck in Your Writing Project? Walk the Dog

Very few good paragraphs come to me while I am sitting at my computer. Of course that's necessary, but usually the ideas come while I am walking the dog or doing the dishes. Then I rush over to a pad of paper or my computer and take some notes.

Because I have a dog, I end up at the river or a local park every day, just throwing a ball and watching her chase it down. It's during these times that my book often comes together. A new chapter or a new thought will come to me when I get my body moving.

If you're stuck with your book, don't hesitate to get up and clean the house. Just make sure you're still alone and still able to continue thinking. Taking a walk with a friend might work but you'd really only be able to talk about your project. You're still writing, even though it looks like you're taking a break or doing something else. Stay in the writing project, but get your body moving to dislodge some of those new words.

On a typical writing day, I'll walk the dog five or six times, and each time I come back to the computer with momentum. Who says writing isn't physical?

Feeling Stuck in Your Writing Project? Walk the Dog is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog

Life Happens While You're Doing Something Else

Just yesterday my girl Paige and I were doing some grocery shopping and started talking about how much of life is lived to maintain life itself, that is we farm (or shop) to eat, we make (or buy) clothes, we monitor our bodies and employ them to rest and to exercise, all to farm and make clothes.

After thinking about this idea more, I meshed it in my mind to the story of the Tower of Babel and how God destroyed a cultures attempts to reach God, a luxurious and ridiculous effort born from the modernization of the culture, the existence of a slave culture, no doubt, and a lot of free time.

The narrative of that account combined with the amount of time it takes our God-designed bodies and minds to simply sustain our temporary existence leads me to some comforting facts:

1. God is not interested in using you to build anything that might be used to replace him or give you the false sense you can interact with him without giving him all agency.

2. What God wants us to do here on earth is something we can do while doing something else.

And so I'm learning that the stuff that God wants us to do happens while we are shopping for food and making clothes and walking the dog and clearing the table to do the dishes.

In my opinion, the stuff of life is about this, then:

1. Loving each other, and learning to do so as unconditionally as possible, which will also require a leaning on God.

2. Forgiving each other, and leaning on God to do so.

3. Providing for each other and working together for the good of those we love.

4. Giving our lives to God in the sense we must learn not to grapple for control.

I don't believe God is helping you build a Tower of Babel, be that your career or your church or your perfect family. But I do believe God wants to help you love, forgive, be patient, provide for those you love and give him control of your life.

What gets built with God's help, then, is less tangible. The Kingdom of God, at least on earth in our time, is perhaps a relational construct.

What do you think God is helping you do? And what do you think people believe God is doing that you aren't so sure he's involved?

Life Happens While You're Doing Something Else is a post from: Donald Miller's Blog