Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 97
November 20, 2012
Little Miss Giggle Fit
First of all, I'd like to announce that I am no longer on strike. My kids came to their senses and apologized for their incessant harassment. My daughter even got up early and made breakfast for me this morning. Wasn't that nice? Now my husband - well, he's another story! We'll save that for next time.
Here's the story for today: I think my daughter blew some kind of gasket in her head. She could not stop laughing. "Why?" you ask. Well, I'm not really sure. She said I said something funny. I couldn't even tell you what. I think it had something to do with keeping her spittle to herself.
Anyway, she started laughing uncontrollably. She collapsed on to her bed, her face as red as a tomato, gasping for breath.
I watched her for a few minutes and started getting concerned. "Excuse me," I said. "Do you need to be hospitalized?"
That made her laugh more. Tears rolled down her face. She could barely breath. I figured I should just keep my mouth shut before I made things any worse.
Ten minutes later, she finally had herself under control.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, Mom, but don't ever make me laugh, again. I might die next time!"
Okay. I'll try to remember that.
Here's the story for today: I think my daughter blew some kind of gasket in her head. She could not stop laughing. "Why?" you ask. Well, I'm not really sure. She said I said something funny. I couldn't even tell you what. I think it had something to do with keeping her spittle to herself.
Anyway, she started laughing uncontrollably. She collapsed on to her bed, her face as red as a tomato, gasping for breath.
I watched her for a few minutes and started getting concerned. "Excuse me," I said. "Do you need to be hospitalized?"
That made her laugh more. Tears rolled down her face. She could barely breath. I figured I should just keep my mouth shut before I made things any worse.
Ten minutes later, she finally had herself under control.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, Mom, but don't ever make me laugh, again. I might die next time!"
Okay. I'll try to remember that.
November 19, 2012
Mama is on Strike!
Yesterday, my husband and kids were harrassing me for being a psychopath emotional basketcase musician. Today, they have commenced physical torture.
"Mom," my eleven-year-old daughter said. "Listen to this!"
She started blowing through some sort of clay whistle thing. The sound that came out of it was a high-pitched, shrill, ear-splitting whistle.
I quickly covered my ears. "What is that?" I asked.
"A Hungarian bird whistle. Granny got it for me when she was in Hungary."
"It's horrid," I said. "Please stop, or you're going to break both of our eardrums!"
She didn't stop. She just kept blowing it.
Then my son came in. He had a bazooka air gun. And guess what he did? Yep. He aimed it right at me and shot a puff of air at my face. My baby fine hair blew back and got completely messed up. "Got you!"
"Yeah, you got me," I said. "Now cut it out, and let me do my work."
Of course he didn't cut it out. Both of my kids were set on annoying me as much as possible - one messing up my ears, and the other messing up my hair.
Then my husband joined the scene. He took that bazooka gun. "Here, Bubba, let me show you how it's done." He completely blasted me!
"That's it!" I shouted. "I'm done with all this harassment! I'm going on strike!"
They got quiet. "What?" they said.
"You heard me. I'm going on strike!"
"But Mama," my son said. "I'm hungry!"
"Too bad, kid. You're on your own! "
So what do you think? Will they survive, or will they come crawling back to me on their knees, begging for forgiveness?
"Mom," my eleven-year-old daughter said. "Listen to this!"
She started blowing through some sort of clay whistle thing. The sound that came out of it was a high-pitched, shrill, ear-splitting whistle.
I quickly covered my ears. "What is that?" I asked.
"A Hungarian bird whistle. Granny got it for me when she was in Hungary."
"It's horrid," I said. "Please stop, or you're going to break both of our eardrums!"
She didn't stop. She just kept blowing it.
Then my son came in. He had a bazooka air gun. And guess what he did? Yep. He aimed it right at me and shot a puff of air at my face. My baby fine hair blew back and got completely messed up. "Got you!"
"Yeah, you got me," I said. "Now cut it out, and let me do my work."
Of course he didn't cut it out. Both of my kids were set on annoying me as much as possible - one messing up my ears, and the other messing up my hair.
Then my husband joined the scene. He took that bazooka gun. "Here, Bubba, let me show you how it's done." He completely blasted me!
"That's it!" I shouted. "I'm done with all this harassment! I'm going on strike!"
They got quiet. "What?" they said.
"You heard me. I'm going on strike!"
"But Mama," my son said. "I'm hungry!"
"Too bad, kid. You're on your own! "
So what do you think? Will they survive, or will they come crawling back to me on their knees, begging for forgiveness?
November 18, 2012
Beethoven According to My Husband
Today, I dragged my family to see Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, played by the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. (We have a new conductor, so I thought it would be nice to support him.)
It was like pulling teeth to get them to go.
"Mama, do we have to go?" my son said.
"Mom, that's going to be really boring," my daughter said.
My husband just gave me one of his looks.
I had to do some quick thinking. "They sell chocolate candy there."
That did the trick.
We went to the concert and sat there for two hours, listening to the music. My kids were indeed bored out of their minds.
Afterwards, my husband gave his commentary: "Why was that symphony so long? It should've been over in 45 minutes. He just kept repeating the same thing, over and over again."
"He was trying to convey the message of brotherhood and hope," I said. "He probably wanted to make sure it was understood."
My husband looked at me like I was crazy. "Here's what I think. I think the guy was a senile, confused, deaf old guy, who couldn't remember what he wrote, so he kept writing it over and over. I mean, what guy in his right mind would write a piece and make a choir sit there for an hour and a half before they even start singing? What if they have to go to the bathroom? No, he just expects them to sit there and be ready to sing perfectly when it's time!"
He went on. "Why didn't somebody take a look at the manuscript and figure out how to make it better? What's wrong with you musicians? "
"Excuse me?" I said. "What do you mean, 'what's wrong with musicians?'"
"You guys just play that stuff and pretend like it's okay. Do you know why?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you musicians are a bunch of psychopath emotional basket cases."
The kids put in their two cents. "Yeah, Mom, you're a psychopath emotional basket case! You play just like all those musicians on the stage - you twitch around just like they do."
Then Bubba added, "Yeah, Mama, and your hair looks just like Beethoven's!"
What the heck? Do you think my hair looks like Beethoven's? So there you have it. Remind me never, ever, ever to take my family to an orchestra concert again!
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It was like pulling teeth to get them to go.
"Mama, do we have to go?" my son said.
"Mom, that's going to be really boring," my daughter said.
My husband just gave me one of his looks.
I had to do some quick thinking. "They sell chocolate candy there."
That did the trick.
We went to the concert and sat there for two hours, listening to the music. My kids were indeed bored out of their minds.
Afterwards, my husband gave his commentary: "Why was that symphony so long? It should've been over in 45 minutes. He just kept repeating the same thing, over and over again."
"He was trying to convey the message of brotherhood and hope," I said. "He probably wanted to make sure it was understood."
My husband looked at me like I was crazy. "Here's what I think. I think the guy was a senile, confused, deaf old guy, who couldn't remember what he wrote, so he kept writing it over and over. I mean, what guy in his right mind would write a piece and make a choir sit there for an hour and a half before they even start singing? What if they have to go to the bathroom? No, he just expects them to sit there and be ready to sing perfectly when it's time!"
He went on. "Why didn't somebody take a look at the manuscript and figure out how to make it better? What's wrong with you musicians? "
"Excuse me?" I said. "What do you mean, 'what's wrong with musicians?'"
"You guys just play that stuff and pretend like it's okay. Do you know why?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you musicians are a bunch of psychopath emotional basket cases."
The kids put in their two cents. "Yeah, Mom, you're a psychopath emotional basket case! You play just like all those musicians on the stage - you twitch around just like they do."
Then Bubba added, "Yeah, Mama, and your hair looks just like Beethoven's!"
What the heck? Do you think my hair looks like Beethoven's? So there you have it. Remind me never, ever, ever to take my family to an orchestra concert again!
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November 17, 2012
Mister Ambitious
My eight-year-old son had a project in school. It was to list his plans for the future. Here's what the boy had to say:
1. When I'm in the sixth grade, I hope to be tall. (Good luck with that, because I was really small until I was sixteen. Hopefully you won't take quite so long to grow!)
2. When I'm in high school, I would like to be a millionaire. (Then you'd better start working, kid!)
3. When I'm 25, I hope I will be a master skydiver. (What? Where did that come from?)
4. When I grow up, I would really like to sleep all day.
I had to have a little talk with Bubba about that last one. "Dude," I said. "You can't just sleep all day when you're a grown up. You have to work!"
"No, Mama," he said. "I'm going to be a millionaire in high school. Then I won't have to work when I'm an adult, and I can sleep all day!"
Wow. I wish I had thought of that when I was eight years old!
1. When I'm in the sixth grade, I hope to be tall. (Good luck with that, because I was really small until I was sixteen. Hopefully you won't take quite so long to grow!)
2. When I'm in high school, I would like to be a millionaire. (Then you'd better start working, kid!)
3. When I'm 25, I hope I will be a master skydiver. (What? Where did that come from?)
4. When I grow up, I would really like to sleep all day.
I had to have a little talk with Bubba about that last one. "Dude," I said. "You can't just sleep all day when you're a grown up. You have to work!"
"No, Mama," he said. "I'm going to be a millionaire in high school. Then I won't have to work when I'm an adult, and I can sleep all day!"
Wow. I wish I had thought of that when I was eight years old!
November 16, 2012
I Miss You Blog Fest
Today, we're doing the Oh, How I Miss You blogfest, hosted by Alex Cavanaugh, Andrew Leon, and Matthew MacNish. It's all about bloggers you really miss, and bloggers you'd miss if they were gone.
Of course, I'd miss all of you if you were gone, but I can't list all of you, because that would be over 10,000 words, and I really don't think you want to read all of that. So I had to narrow it down quite a bit.
So here we go:
The blogger I really miss is Crack You Whip. Where did you go? I loved reading your hilarious posts and looking at your chicken scribble comics (which are really pretty awesome)! I hope you come back!
And here's who I'd miss if they were gone:
Dana at the Daily Dose. I love your Friday funnies and your Sunday inspirations. I miss you when you're not posting!
Arni at Travel Gourmande. I really enjoy reading both of your blogs! You seem like such a kindred spirit. I bet we'd be really good friends if you lived a little closer! I would miss you if you were gone.
Pat Hatt at Rhyme Time. You are such a funny guy. It cracks me up when you put your followers in your stories - like when you made me the scary floating zombie thing! Thanks for all the laughs, and thanks for always commenting on my posts!
Janie Junebug at Women: We shall overcome. You're like my blog mom. You take such good care of me with your virtual chicken soup when I don't feel good. And you always have such interesting advice about men. You rock - mental paws and all!
Alex Cavanaugh. It goes without saying, anyone who knows the Ninja Captain would miss him if he was gone. Thanks for all you do, Alex!
I'm at my limit, so I can't go on. But I want you to know, that I would miss all of you if you were gone. You're the reason I do this. Thanks for following, and thanks for commenting!
One little advertisement before I go: I just did a radio show about Raising Kids with Good Character. I promised the host I'd advertise it. It begins broadcasting on November 16th. If you're interested, you can listen to it at your convenience. Here's the link Once on the page, you will see a triangular badge with the words, "IEY radio." The audio file is right under it.
November 15, 2012
Changing the Light Bulb
The light bulb in my walk-in closet burned out, so I took the initiative to fix it. I found another bulb, climbed up on a stool, and began unscrewing the light fixture. Except I wasn't supposed unscrew that thing. I discovered this important fact after I had completely detached it from the ceiling. I didn't see a bulb - only wires. Oops, I thought. Another mess up. I quickly figured out that I had to unscrew a portion of the fixture to get to the bulb. Fine. I did it, replaced the bulb, and attempted to fix the fixture. It didn't work. My primitive mind simply could not figure it out. I left the thing hanging by its wires and waited for my husband to take care of it.
When he came home, I showed him my good job. "Don't you know how to change a light bulb?" he asked.
I laughed. "No. That's why I keep you around - to fix my mess ups!"
He took a look at it, but he couldn't get it, either. "Woman, we're going to have to get a new house now because you botched this up."
"What?" That sounded a little extreme. "You're going to just leave this thing hanging by the wires so the next owner can deal with it?"
"Yep. Call the realtor."
(Fortunately, he was able to fix it after taking the entire thing apart. It was a project, but at least we won't be moving any time soon!)
When he came home, I showed him my good job. "Don't you know how to change a light bulb?" he asked.
I laughed. "No. That's why I keep you around - to fix my mess ups!"
He took a look at it, but he couldn't get it, either. "Woman, we're going to have to get a new house now because you botched this up."
"What?" That sounded a little extreme. "You're going to just leave this thing hanging by the wires so the next owner can deal with it?"
"Yep. Call the realtor."
(Fortunately, he was able to fix it after taking the entire thing apart. It was a project, but at least we won't be moving any time soon!)
November 14, 2012
Just Like Daddy
Before I share my story, I'd like to announce the winners of Virginia Wright's book: Christine Rains and Tracy Campbell. Congratulations, ladies!
Now for the story:
"I want to be just like Daddy," my eight-year-old son announced at the dinner table.
"That's not very ambitious," said my husband. "I have a job I don't like, I play way too many video games, I ride a motorcycle, and I make Mama mad every day."
I laughed at that last part. "No," I said, "only when you call me 'woman' and make demands."
Without missing a beat, my son said, "Woman, bring me more food!"
Grrrr. I see I have some work to do with him!
Now for the story:
"I want to be just like Daddy," my eight-year-old son announced at the dinner table.
"That's not very ambitious," said my husband. "I have a job I don't like, I play way too many video games, I ride a motorcycle, and I make Mama mad every day."
I laughed at that last part. "No," I said, "only when you call me 'woman' and make demands."
Without missing a beat, my son said, "Woman, bring me more food!"
Grrrr. I see I have some work to do with him!
November 13, 2012
A Little Mustard, Please
My son had a hamburger cloud floating over his head yesterday after we picked my daughter up from dance lessons. "Mama, I really need a hamburger," he said.
"You need one?" I asked. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Mama. I'll die without one."
I highly doubted that. Fortunately for him, there was a Dairy Queen nearby. I decided to let them do the cooking.
We walked in and the teenager behind the counter took the little guy's order. "What would you like on that?" she asked.
"Ketchup and a little bit of mustard. But not too much mustard, because I'm not sure I like it."
I looked at the boy. "What do you mean? You just had a hot dog a few days ago and you thought mustard was just great on it!"
"Yeah, Mama, but that was a hot dog."
"What's the difference?" I asked. I couldn't understand what the big deal was.
"Mama, hot dogs are pink and skinny. Hamburgers are round and black. I'm not sure if mustard goes good with round, black things."
Oh. That made perfect sense to me. The girl behind the counter thought so, too. She laughed and brought out his hamburger with a lot of ketchup and a little bit of mustard, which he thoroughly enjoyed.
"You need one?" I asked. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Mama. I'll die without one."
I highly doubted that. Fortunately for him, there was a Dairy Queen nearby. I decided to let them do the cooking.
We walked in and the teenager behind the counter took the little guy's order. "What would you like on that?" she asked.
"Ketchup and a little bit of mustard. But not too much mustard, because I'm not sure I like it."
I looked at the boy. "What do you mean? You just had a hot dog a few days ago and you thought mustard was just great on it!"
"Yeah, Mama, but that was a hot dog."
"What's the difference?" I asked. I couldn't understand what the big deal was.
"Mama, hot dogs are pink and skinny. Hamburgers are round and black. I'm not sure if mustard goes good with round, black things."
Oh. That made perfect sense to me. The girl behind the counter thought so, too. She laughed and brought out his hamburger with a lot of ketchup and a little bit of mustard, which he thoroughly enjoyed.
November 12, 2012
Roller King and an Award
Hey everybody, did you enjoy the interview with Virginia Wright? She's such a great lady! In a day or two, I'll announce the winners of her book.
While you guys were hanging here visiting with Virginia, I bailed out. Nice host I am, huh? I took my son to the roller rink, where we mindlessly went around in circles for two hours. We skated to a bunch of tunes including, Party in the USA, Call Me Maybe, and my favorite, Gangnam Style. (I have no idea what those Korean dudes are singing about, but it sure has a good beat!) I taught my boy how to do the dance on roller blades: Right, left, right, right, left, right, left, left, while hopping around like you're on a horse. Are you confused yet? You should've seen that kid move! The chicks were digging him!
"Dude," one teenage girl said. "You know how to bust a move!"
"Yeah," said another. "You're even better than Mitt Romney!"
Hmmmm. I had better watch those women. I think they were hitting on my boy, and he's way to young to date!
Anyway, we had a great time, and then we topped it off by going out for ice cream. What could be better than that?
Last order of business: I discovered an award waiting for me. This one is the Top Commentor Award. Suzanne Furness decided I was worthy of such a thing. Thank you so much, Suzanne! This award is given to bloggers who take the time to visit other blogs and comment. I try to visit as many of you as possible, because I enjoy reading about what's going on in your world. It means so much to me when you comment, so naturally, I want to return the favor!
I'm going to pass this award on to some other fabulous bloggy friends:
Pat Hatt: This guy never fails to comment. He's just amazing. Thank you, Pat!
Arni at Travel Gourmande: She's such a sweet lady - with a couple of nice blogs, too!
Lynn Proctor: Another fabulous person who always stops by.
Susanne Drazic; I met her when she reviewed my book as part of a book tour. We've been blog friends ever since!
Christine Rains: A talented writer who is also an incredibly nice person!
Please stop by and visit these wonderful bloggers. Thanks again, Suzanne!
While you guys were hanging here visiting with Virginia, I bailed out. Nice host I am, huh? I took my son to the roller rink, where we mindlessly went around in circles for two hours. We skated to a bunch of tunes including, Party in the USA, Call Me Maybe, and my favorite, Gangnam Style. (I have no idea what those Korean dudes are singing about, but it sure has a good beat!) I taught my boy how to do the dance on roller blades: Right, left, right, right, left, right, left, left, while hopping around like you're on a horse. Are you confused yet? You should've seen that kid move! The chicks were digging him!
"Dude," one teenage girl said. "You know how to bust a move!"
"Yeah," said another. "You're even better than Mitt Romney!"
Hmmmm. I had better watch those women. I think they were hitting on my boy, and he's way to young to date!
Anyway, we had a great time, and then we topped it off by going out for ice cream. What could be better than that?
Last order of business: I discovered an award waiting for me. This one is the Top Commentor Award. Suzanne Furness decided I was worthy of such a thing. Thank you so much, Suzanne! This award is given to bloggers who take the time to visit other blogs and comment. I try to visit as many of you as possible, because I enjoy reading about what's going on in your world. It means so much to me when you comment, so naturally, I want to return the favor!I'm going to pass this award on to some other fabulous bloggy friends:
Pat Hatt: This guy never fails to comment. He's just amazing. Thank you, Pat!
Arni at Travel Gourmande: She's such a sweet lady - with a couple of nice blogs, too!
Lynn Proctor: Another fabulous person who always stops by.
Susanne Drazic; I met her when she reviewed my book as part of a book tour. We've been blog friends ever since!
Christine Rains: A talented writer who is also an incredibly nice person!
Please stop by and visit these wonderful bloggers. Thanks again, Suzanne!
November 10, 2012
Encore: Guest Author, Virginia Wright
Today, I'd like to welcome back author, Virginia Wright. She has a new book out just in time for Christmas. I invited her over to my pad to tell you about it. So here she is: The lovely, Virginia Wright!
Hi Virginia! I'm so excited about your new book, The Christmas Secret! Can you tell us a little about it?Mikey loves everything about Christmas except one thing--deciding what gift he wants. As Christmas nears he frantically flips the pages of his mother's department store catalogs, looking for a toy that he wants most. Turning to his best friend Charlie for ideas, he finally finds the answer. But will he get what he wants this year?
My kids can totally relate to that! They're always looking through catalogues, marking down things they want!
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2 What inspired you to write it?The Christmas Secret was inspired by remembering Christmas as a child; I wanted to create a story that was reminiscent of Christmas past. While this is a fiction, I relied on my childhood memories to write this story.
Childhood memories can lead to the best kind of stories!
3 What are some of your favorite Christmas memories?Some of my favorite Christmas memories definitely surround Christmas Eve. Every year the family would get together on Christmas Eve. We would eat many homemade goodies, my favorite were sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles on the top. The whole family would go to church for midnight mass, we would get in our “Sunday best” clothes and off to St. Margaret’s Episcopal Church we would go. Growing up in Maine, it was always freezing cold Christmas Eve, and I vividly remember the crisp fresh air when getting out of the car while sliding into church. The snow was all about the church and ground, and the low lights inside would be shining through the windows to help light the way; it was so festive, so calm, peaceful, and once we entered the church everyone was shaking each other’s hands while best wishes of a Merry Christmas were exchanged. Christmas was such a magical time of the year!
I bet you really enjoyed looking at all the Christmas lights, too! Such fantastic memories!
4 What is a typical writing day like for you?
If the family and I have no plans, a typical writing day would be I start my day off with checking my social media sites, email, and then I begin writing until I stop for a late lunch. I break for lunch, as soon as we are done, I go back to work until I break for supper, then work too late into the night. J But when I am working on a book, I also illustrate, so I can take the monotony out of a day by switching back and forth writing and illustrating. While I am actively working on a book, I put in twelve hour days typically.
Wow! It sounds like you are really busy!
5 What is the best writing advice you have ever received?The best writing advice for me came from a teacher of mine, Charles Zurhorst, who taught “Writing for Profit,” as he said, “While there may be lots of rejections along the way, and it may feel discouraging at times as you head down the writing road, remember one thing-- to never, ever, give up!” Such good advice, as it is so easy to give up, to just say “forget it” when a rejection comes in, or someone doesn’t like what you’ve written. But you just can’t give in to the little voice of doubt!
That is excellent advice! It's so easy to want to throw in the towel when you're getting rejection letters, but if you stick with it, eventually you'll get published and succeed!
6 What is your best tip for aspiring children’s book authors?I think I would refer to answer number five for my best tip and that would be to “Never Give up!” “Write-on.”
Love it!
Where can we learn more about you and your books?
Here's where you can find me:
Author Web: http://www.virginiawright.com
Blog: http://www.virginiawright.com/blog
Amazon.com : http://amzn.to/SL87vA
Thank you for having me!
It's always a pleasure to have you here!
Virginia will be giving away two copies of her book to lucky readers! Just leave a comment to be entered in the drawing.
