Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 103
September 15, 2012
Funky Hair-do
My daughter came downstairs this morning with a rather interesting hair-do.
"Why is there a pencil sticking out of your head?" I asked.
"Mom!" she huffed. "Get with the program. Everyone wears pencils in their hair."
I looked at Bubba. "Do you wear pencils in your hair?"
He shook his head. "No, Mama. That's stupid."
I looked at my husband. "Do you wear pencils in your hair?"
"Does it look like I wear pencils in my hair?'
Um, no.
I looked outside at the girl riding her scooter around and around and around. She didn't have a pencil in her hair, either.
I looked at my daughter. "Are you sure you got your facts straight, because I don't see anyone wearing pencils in their hair."
"Mom, every girl in my class wears pencils or sticks in her hair."
Okay, then. I guess it's the new tween fashion trend. Maybe I should put my hair in a bun and shove a pencil through it. Then I'll be cool.
"Why is there a pencil sticking out of your head?" I asked.
"Mom!" she huffed. "Get with the program. Everyone wears pencils in their hair."
I looked at Bubba. "Do you wear pencils in your hair?"
He shook his head. "No, Mama. That's stupid."
I looked at my husband. "Do you wear pencils in your hair?"
"Does it look like I wear pencils in my hair?'
Um, no.
I looked outside at the girl riding her scooter around and around and around. She didn't have a pencil in her hair, either.
I looked at my daughter. "Are you sure you got your facts straight, because I don't see anyone wearing pencils in their hair."
"Mom, every girl in my class wears pencils or sticks in her hair."
Okay, then. I guess it's the new tween fashion trend. Maybe I should put my hair in a bun and shove a pencil through it. Then I'll be cool.
September 14, 2012
Milk Mustache
I think I found a new milk mustache model. "Who is it?" you ask. It's none other than Schultz, our big furry German Shepherd!
My daughter was eating dinner, and moving way too fast. I've never seen anyone eat dinner, talk with her hands, and dance with her feet all at the same time. But that's what she does. Usually we don't have any incidents as a result of this bizarre behavior. Today, however, her luck ran out. My daughter knocked over a full glass of milk. It spilled all over the table and dripped on to the floor.
Schultz was right there to save the day. He flicked out his big pink tongue and licked it off the table. Then he took care of the floor. When he was done, he had a nice white milk mustache on his black snoot.
"Good boy, Schultz!" my daughter said.
He cocked his head and wagged his tail.
I'm just hoping he's not lactose intolerant, because if he is, the mess he's going to make will be a lot worse than the spilt milk!
My daughter was eating dinner, and moving way too fast. I've never seen anyone eat dinner, talk with her hands, and dance with her feet all at the same time. But that's what she does. Usually we don't have any incidents as a result of this bizarre behavior. Today, however, her luck ran out. My daughter knocked over a full glass of milk. It spilled all over the table and dripped on to the floor.
Schultz was right there to save the day. He flicked out his big pink tongue and licked it off the table. Then he took care of the floor. When he was done, he had a nice white milk mustache on his black snoot.
"Good boy, Schultz!" my daughter said.
He cocked his head and wagged his tail.
I'm just hoping he's not lactose intolerant, because if he is, the mess he's going to make will be a lot worse than the spilt milk!
September 13, 2012
Fruit Flies: Part 2
Yesterday, we discovered we had a fruit fly infestation. My husband concocted an apple cider vinegar poison which knocked a lot of them off. But they kept coming.
"Okay," I said to my husband. "These things are proliferating, and we got rid of all our fruit and vegetables. Where are they coming from?"
My husband shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "But I don't like bugs in my house!"
Yeah. I don't either. I like animals, but not bugs. If these things weren't stopped, we'd have about a thousand little buzzer pets. Not good!
So we went on a search. We looked through the kitchen. There were a couple flying around, but nothing significant. We looked in the family room. None in there. Then we looked in the laundry room. That's where they seemed to be hanging out.
"Why would they be in here?" I asked. "There are no bananas in here." Or were there?
Our laundry room serves as a mud room. The kids toss their coats and shoes and backpacks in there when they come in the house. My husband noticed my daughter's pack back hanging on the hook. A bunch of fruit flies were congregating around it. Uh oh.
He opened it up. "Augh!!!!!" he yelled, and nearly vomitted. "There's a rotten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in there, and a swarm of fruit flies!" He quickly ran out of the house with that thing and tossed it in the outside garbage.
"Somebody's in trouble for this!" he exclaimed.
When my daughter came home from school today, I asked her about the sandwich in the backpack.
"Oh, yeah," she said. "We had a picnic at the lake when we went fishing, and I forgot to take it out of the backpack when we came home."
Oh, yeah. Just a minor detail. "Well, young lady," I said. "Next time, don't forget!"
"Okay," I said to my husband. "These things are proliferating, and we got rid of all our fruit and vegetables. Where are they coming from?"
My husband shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "But I don't like bugs in my house!"
Yeah. I don't either. I like animals, but not bugs. If these things weren't stopped, we'd have about a thousand little buzzer pets. Not good!
So we went on a search. We looked through the kitchen. There were a couple flying around, but nothing significant. We looked in the family room. None in there. Then we looked in the laundry room. That's where they seemed to be hanging out.
"Why would they be in here?" I asked. "There are no bananas in here." Or were there?
Our laundry room serves as a mud room. The kids toss their coats and shoes and backpacks in there when they come in the house. My husband noticed my daughter's pack back hanging on the hook. A bunch of fruit flies were congregating around it. Uh oh.
He opened it up. "Augh!!!!!" he yelled, and nearly vomitted. "There's a rotten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in there, and a swarm of fruit flies!" He quickly ran out of the house with that thing and tossed it in the outside garbage.
"Somebody's in trouble for this!" he exclaimed.
When my daughter came home from school today, I asked her about the sandwich in the backpack.
"Oh, yeah," she said. "We had a picnic at the lake when we went fishing, and I forgot to take it out of the backpack when we came home."
Oh, yeah. Just a minor detail. "Well, young lady," I said. "Next time, don't forget!"
September 12, 2012
Bye Bye Fly!
We had a visitor in the house today. Actually, we had quite a few visitors. These were the six-legged variety, also known as fruit flies. They must've hitched a ride on a banana from Venezuela or something. The first one was kind of cute. I named him Auzz. Then I saw his buddy. I named him Buzz. Then there was Cuzz, and Duzz, and Euzz. By the time I met Zuzz, I realized these little guys weren't just here for a visit. They had brought their suitcases and were moving in.
"Hey," I said to my husband. "We have a little problem here." I showed him the army of fruit flies.
"Time to declare war!" he said. Then he went back into his office.
What the heck? I thought. I guess I was supposed the fight the varmints myself. So I got out a can of Raid and sprayed. Auzz and his friends took off. I didn't see them for a while. But a few hours later, there they were again.
"The problem is still here," I called to my husband.
He came out of his office. He went to the cupboard and got out a bottle of apple cider vinegar. Then he got out a glass, a ziplock bag, and a rubberband. He poured the apple cider vinegar into the glass, covered it with the ziplock bag, rubber banded it to the glass, and poked a tiny hole in the center. Then he walked back into his office and shut the door.
"This is your idea of a war?" I asked.
"Woman. I'm the expert."
I shook my head and went about my business. An hour later I came back into the kitchen where the glass was placed and looked at it. And guess what? Auzz, Buzz, Cuzz, and Duzz were taking a swim in there. And Euzz, Fuzz, and Guzz were hovering around, watching.
Pretty good. So if you ever have little visitors of the fruit fly variety, go get yourself some apple cider vinegar, a ziplock bag, and a rubber band. They'll be gone in no time.
"Hey," I said to my husband. "We have a little problem here." I showed him the army of fruit flies.
"Time to declare war!" he said. Then he went back into his office.
What the heck? I thought. I guess I was supposed the fight the varmints myself. So I got out a can of Raid and sprayed. Auzz and his friends took off. I didn't see them for a while. But a few hours later, there they were again.
"The problem is still here," I called to my husband.
He came out of his office. He went to the cupboard and got out a bottle of apple cider vinegar. Then he got out a glass, a ziplock bag, and a rubberband. He poured the apple cider vinegar into the glass, covered it with the ziplock bag, rubber banded it to the glass, and poked a tiny hole in the center. Then he walked back into his office and shut the door.
"This is your idea of a war?" I asked.
"Woman. I'm the expert."
I shook my head and went about my business. An hour later I came back into the kitchen where the glass was placed and looked at it. And guess what? Auzz, Buzz, Cuzz, and Duzz were taking a swim in there. And Euzz, Fuzz, and Guzz were hovering around, watching.
Pretty good. So if you ever have little visitors of the fruit fly variety, go get yourself some apple cider vinegar, a ziplock bag, and a rubber band. They'll be gone in no time.
September 11, 2012
Happy Birthday, Schultz!
Guess who's birthday it is? Yep. Our big furry German Shedder/Shredder is two years old! Two years of trouble. So let's recap what this beast has done. He's destroyed our grill, chewed our kitchen chairs, tromped my flower gardens, drank my mother-in-law's coffee, ran away from home four times, tried to eat my violin, jumped in the bathtub with my son, eaten my husband's wallet and credit cards, and drank water from the toilet. I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff, but I think you get the idea of what a fine pet he's been.
To celebrate the occassion, we had a birthday party. (No chocolate at this one!) We got the beast a squeaky red rubber ball (pictured) which is his new favorite toy (can you tell?). We got him four new bones, and invited his best friend, a white lab named Charlie, over for a play date. Those two had a blast romping around the yard, chasing each other, and sniffing each other's behinds.
When it was all done, Schultz snuggled with his ball, and had a nice long nap. I think he's gearing up for the terrible two's. Let's see what kind of trouble he can get into this year!
September 10, 2012
Can't Get Enough Chocolate!
Welcome to the "What's Your Chocolate?" blog hop! When I saw this topic, I knew I had to get involved. I love chocolate! My favorite is dark chocolate. I think it's an addiction or something. In fact, I've been known to go to the store, get one of those baker's chocolate bars, and eat a few squares.
My kids, apparently, have inherited the "I love chocolate" gene. A few weeks ago, we took a little trip to Cleveland, Ohio to visit some friends and family (that's where I'm from). Cleveland, Ohio is home to Malley's, the most awesome chocolate candy store in the USA. (Malley's, for you trivia fans, is the candy store that invented Sweetest Day.) Of course, we had to visit that place.
"Mama," my son said as we walked in, "I want one of everything."
"Yeah, me too," I replied. "But we're not getting one of everything."
"Mom," my daughter said. "Let's get a hot fudge sundae."
That sounded like a great idea, so that's what we did. When we were done, my son had chocolate all over his face, and even some on his shirt. I chuckled. "Come on, let's go get some more chocolate."
Seventy-five dollars later, we left Malley's with a big bag of chocolate.
My daughter grinned. "Mom," she said. "I know what kind of birthday party I want."
"What kind?" I asked.
"A chocolate one."
That sounded good to me. So, in a couple of weeks, we are going to have a chocolate-themed birthday party for my daughter. On the list is a chocolate fountain, chocolate brownies, chocolate cake, and chocolate milk. Anybody want to come?
September 9, 2012
What Color is That Bear?
My son came home today with a pink stuffed teddy bear. He had won it from one of those machines with the claw that grabs the toys.
"Dude," I said. "Nice pink bear!"
"Mama," he said. "It's not pink. It's light blue."
I looked at that thing. It was most definitely pink. I called my daughter over to get a second opinion.
"Yeah, it's pink," she said.
My son frowned. "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "Yep. Apparently light pink is a color that you can't see very well."
My boy is color deficient. He can't see colors the way most people do. So pink things look blue, and yellow things look green. Interestingly, his favorite color is yellow. He doesn't even see what yellow really looks like. To him, it's lima bean green.
Anyway, now I have to make sure he doesn't leave home with his pink teddy bear. His buddies would really wonder about that. (Unless they're color deficient, too!)
"Dude," I said. "Nice pink bear!"
"Mama," he said. "It's not pink. It's light blue."
I looked at that thing. It was most definitely pink. I called my daughter over to get a second opinion.
"Yeah, it's pink," she said.
My son frowned. "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "Yep. Apparently light pink is a color that you can't see very well."
My boy is color deficient. He can't see colors the way most people do. So pink things look blue, and yellow things look green. Interestingly, his favorite color is yellow. He doesn't even see what yellow really looks like. To him, it's lima bean green.
Anyway, now I have to make sure he doesn't leave home with his pink teddy bear. His buddies would really wonder about that. (Unless they're color deficient, too!)
September 8, 2012
Gifted Eyeballs
All of you parents out there know how much fun it is helping your kids with their homework. This year, it's at a new level for me. My daughter is in the "gifted" program, and her homework is rather challenging. Today, I was trying to help her with her math assignment. She's taking a course on DaVinci Vision, and it has something to do with proportions. Anyway, she had to look at an animated chart from some tracker software on the computer. She had to analyze the fraction/decimal ratios.
"Mama," she said. "I don't get it. Can you help me?"
I walked over to the computer and stared at the flashing yellow and white chart. The numbers, first of all, were microscopic. Second, the chart was flipping back and forth so fast between the decimals and fractions, I could barely read anything.
I couldn't help it - I just started cracking up.
"Mom, this isn't funny. Why are you laughing?"
"Well, girlfriend. For this course, you have to be gifted mentally and physically," I said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mama might have a brain in her head, but she most certainly does not have gifted eyeballs!"
"Mama," she said. "I don't get it. Can you help me?"
I walked over to the computer and stared at the flashing yellow and white chart. The numbers, first of all, were microscopic. Second, the chart was flipping back and forth so fast between the decimals and fractions, I could barely read anything.
I couldn't help it - I just started cracking up.
"Mom, this isn't funny. Why are you laughing?"
"Well, girlfriend. For this course, you have to be gifted mentally and physically," I said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mama might have a brain in her head, but she most certainly does not have gifted eyeballs!"
September 7, 2012
Zombie Mom
Well folks, I hate to say it, but I've been sick for the last four days. I guess all that bushwhacking wore me down. My body couldn't handle an attack from some itty bitty bacteria and I fell apart. The good news is, I went to the doctor and got a good dose of powerful antibiotics. The bad news is that I look like...well, I won't say what I look like, but it isn't good.
My son saw me in my decrepid state. "Mama," he said. "What's wrong? Your eyes are black."
"Really?" Last time I checked they were blue with some red bloodshot veins popping through.
"Yeah. You look like a zombie."
I looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under my eyes. Maybe that's what he was talking about. I had to chuckle at his comment, though. "Bubba, I don't look like a zombie. I look like a vampire!"
My son considered that. "No. You look like a vampire zombie."
All right then.
So, ladies and gentlemen, if you see me running down the highway, acting kind of strange, the best advice I can give you, is to get away as fast as you can! There's no telling what I might do.
My son saw me in my decrepid state. "Mama," he said. "What's wrong? Your eyes are black."
"Really?" Last time I checked they were blue with some red bloodshot veins popping through.
"Yeah. You look like a zombie."
I looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under my eyes. Maybe that's what he was talking about. I had to chuckle at his comment, though. "Bubba, I don't look like a zombie. I look like a vampire!"
My son considered that. "No. You look like a vampire zombie."
All right then.
So, ladies and gentlemen, if you see me running down the highway, acting kind of strange, the best advice I can give you, is to get away as fast as you can! There's no telling what I might do.
September 6, 2012
A Little Bowl of Ice Cream
I was helping my son with his homework when my daughter came up to me. "Mom, guess what I just did."
"What did you just do?" I asked.
"I just ate a whole cereal bowl of ice cream!"
"You did what?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"Well, I went into the freezer to find some desert, and I saw the cherry cordial ice cream. It looked so good, I couldn't resist. So I got a cereal bowl and filled it to the top, and ate the whole thing."
"Oh my gosh." I didn't know what else to say.
"So now I have a huge ice cream headache."
I looked at that girl. "Yeah, and you probably have a huge ice cream belly ache!"
She grinned. "I'm not having deserts for two weeks."
Yeah. How about two years!
"What did you just do?" I asked.
"I just ate a whole cereal bowl of ice cream!"
"You did what?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"Well, I went into the freezer to find some desert, and I saw the cherry cordial ice cream. It looked so good, I couldn't resist. So I got a cereal bowl and filled it to the top, and ate the whole thing."
"Oh my gosh." I didn't know what else to say.
"So now I have a huge ice cream headache."
I looked at that girl. "Yeah, and you probably have a huge ice cream belly ache!"
She grinned. "I'm not having deserts for two weeks."
Yeah. How about two years!
