Lavinia Thompson's Blog: Seeking reviewers! , page 9

Book Review: "Cats on the Run" by Ged Gillmore

So, I've decided to do some book reviews on my blog as well as I get through my massive TBR list. I just finished this gem!

Rated: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This has been a long year of heavy news, isolation and what seems to be endless despair in the world. I didn't know how much I needed to laugh until I found this book on Kobo. I was hunting for true stories of undercover cops - and came across the sequel to "Cats on the Run", "Cats Undercover". I decided to start with the first book.

If you, like I did, need a laugh most desperately, pick this one up. I haven't read through a book within 24 hours in years, but I did with this one. Tuck and Ginger are hilarious, endearing and as catty as any feline I have ever met (and I have four cats of my own). This book was a wonderful escape from everything 2020 has been, and I am looking forward to the sequel. Thank you, Ged Gillmore, for the endless laughs and adventures in this book, for lighting up the world with Tuck and Ginger.

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Let's Re-connect

This week’s post is dedicated to my friends in my writing group on Discord, the Night Owls. Thank you for being there and being a light in a dark time. I love you all. Thanks for being my online family. Love, Aunt Lav.

Fellow crazy writers! It is nearly Nanowrimo time. How are you prepping? Lists of characters and plotlines and twists and turns? Or a singular page of a vague idea? Or nothing at all?

Here’s a better question: are you, in all the chaos, wackiness and changes of this bizarre year, taking care of yourself?

If you’re like me, things have been much more exhausting and draining than normal. The pandemic brought many changes at work, some good and some not. It’s created intense divides in the world and exposed many flaws in many systems that have always been there, but we can see more clearly. For as divisive as some things have been, many of those same incidents have brought people together.

Just as writing brings many of us, in this wordy, wacky community, together. And as we approach the month of marathon typing and furiously meeting word counts, I also want us to take a step back and ensure we don’t reach burn out stage. Me, after a long day at work, I pour myself a strong whiskey and put on some Tom Petty and vibe for a bit, going online to my Discord writing group to chat before I dig into writing. I find that small break in between work and writing gives my brain a chance to unwind and refocus. I always say writing is a matter if habit, more than awaiting inspiration. But even that habit can become tiresome.

I have no extensive list for self-care (and let’s be real, I am sure we’ve all seen enough of those this year – Pinterest and Google are overflowing with self-care articles). I only wanted to take a moment, as a human being, to reach out and send lots of love and hugs to everyone struggling. This type of isolation we’re experiencing this year is harmful in many ways. I mean, huggers, tell me: are you doing okay? Because I myself don’t remember the last real hug I had.

I’ve been isolating myself from socializing since before the pandemic began. And I didn’t realize how much I missed hearing voices and real laughter until last weekend, when I spent the night in my Discord writing group on voice chat as we played Cards Against Humanity. It was a virtual game night, but it was refreshing to hear happy voices in a positive setting. Isolation is a funny thing. It becomes mundane, quiet, but it becomes comfortable and familiar. Since leaving my marriage, I’ve adapted to nights of being alone, choosing home time and writing over wild weekends out at the bars. I am one of few of my friends, perhaps the only one, who is single and childfree in my 30s. I’m not even actively dating, and haven’t for a couple of years. Solitude has become the friend which enables to write in all my free time. Tranquility wrapped around me like warm blanket, offering time to reflect and journal and do some intense healing and self-growth I desperately needed. But one can only do that for so long.

While I’ve been taking care of myself spiritually and physically, I have drained my life socially. Anyone else? For being a year where we’re all supposedly coming together, it sometimes feels like we’ve never been further apart. So, I wanted to take a chance to remind all of you writers, entering Nanowrimo or not:

You aren’t alone. The world is still out there, turning and carrying on through this. Through the fractured society, the agony and despair that is rampant, you’re still allowed to smile and laugh. In fact, I encourage it. Finding time to sit back, socialize and laugh through some rounds of CAH, even virtually, did wonders for my mental health last weekend. Just as many of us have relied on art to pass time, be it creating or consuming, we also need laughter and smiles.

This truly has become a year of hanging on to little things to get through each day. And as we enter the month where some of us do most of our creating, I also want to put out a reminder to take time to reach out, talk to someone, and reconnect with the world a little again. If you’re like me, and are feeling alone even in your offline life, left behind, then reach out to your online friends and see if a phone call or voice chat is possible. My little Discord writing group has become like family to me and hearing their voices is one of my favourite parts of the week now.

And you know what? If you’re reading this, and thinking, “I have no one” even after considering your online friends? Hit me up. Send me an email, find me on social media, send me a message. Let’s connect. Let’s be friends. Let’s re-connect to the world, together. I, too, am struggling through this and have no idea where to start again. The pandemic isolation and distancing may end, but what about those of us who isolate because of mental illness? We get so into a routine because changes are hard, that it is difficult to stop and consider the logic.

You don’t deserve to be alone all the time. And you don’t need to be. Humans are not meant to live in glass houses, watching the world from another side. I know I am sure tired of my own glass house.

I end this with a quote from a song that has resonated with me for years, but really has been of late. Tom Petty, “Time to Move On”.

“Broken skyline, which way to Loveland?

Which way to something better?

Which way to forgiveness?

Which way do I go?

It’s time to move on, it’s time get going,

What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing,

But under my feet, baby, grass is growing,

It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going.”

Belladonna's Roots 7: The Music

My Spotify is out of control. Like, there are so many playlists. It’s endless. Music is my addiction, and it spills over into my writing. Actually, it floods my writing. I have “Writing Mood” playlists, genre playlists, ones named by the decade and most of all, I have book playlists. I set it up so I have a “master” playlist for the series, then a separate playlist for each book, and then one for each main character. Everything has a different vibe. Obsessive? Probably. But it’s fun.

I used to do this when I used Windows Media Player. I’d have separate playlists for everything. Spotify made that a hundred times easier. Everything gets saved online, instead of taking up computer memory. This 90s kid will forever marvel at how far technology has come in such a short time. Seems like only yesterday we were burning CDS, and before that, recording mixed cassette tapes off the radio. How the times have changed!

What hasn’t changed is the importance music has had on my writing process. Specifically, the “Beyond Dark” series. It provides inspiration for characters, scenes, storylines, and even specific serial killers. Such was the case for the Belladonna Killer.

There was the line from the Forensic Files episode I cannot for the life of me recall because I was half asleep, something about “dying for a new scene”, which sparked the idea for the case. But the killer herself? I needed some truly creepy woman vibes. Around the time I was starting this series, a song came out that started it all. Lana Del Ray’s “hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have – but I have it”. I knew the first time I heard it, it belonged on the “Belladonna” playlist. Paired with the “dying for a new scene” theme I wanted, I began building the Belladonna Killer around this tragic actress/model who never got anywhere in her career, desperate to be noticed. It has actually become one of my favourite songs – but I have also loved Lana Del Ray for many years.

From there, many of the songs became a mixture of the killer and Alyssa’s history, merging the tragic pieces of both stories. Christina Aguilara’s “Beautiful” touched on the pitfalls of women burdened with unattainable beauty standards society throws at us. Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You” is also on Alyssa’s playlist, the heartbreaking story of how cycles of abuse or addiction carry on and impact the lives of those who come after and must carry on with the memories.

On of my personal favourites that also came out while working on “Belladonna” is “Dark Ballet” by Madonna. The creepy and dark vibes are abstract and truly remind me of Alyssa, with her history in dance, her bitter, anguished past with her estranged mother, and the confusion of her PTSD and disorder. “Wound Up” by LeAnn Rimes is another one that highlights Alyssa’s playlist, glimpsing the chaotic childhood she survived and how she felt about her mother’s domineering demands of a dance career. It comes from one of my favourite albums of all time, “Twisted Angel” from LeAnn Rimes. It was an album that got me through many rough spots in my life.

“In the End” by Linkin Park is one of my forever favourites. It’s no secret I have loved Linkin Park for years, and that Chester Bennington’s suicide hit me hard, as it did many fans. I listened to it lots towards and during the climactic scene of the book. “One More Light” was also on repeat often while writing.

Brand new off Lady Gaga’s “Chromatica” album this year is “Plastic Doll”, another song exploring the ridiculous beauty standards in the entertainment industry. A few other amazing songs came off that album that were fitting to Alyssa’s story, such as “Replay” and “Fun Tonight”.

And with that, this post wraps up my “Belladonna’s Roots” series. Thank you for following along.

What’s next on this blog? I did the recent revamp for a reason. I’ll be discussing my various research topics, serial killers, mobsters, and more topics as they relate to my books. Maybe share some excerpts, short stories, and so on. I haven’t decided exactly what content yet beyond that and the usual news.

Speaking of – for those of you missed my social media posts this week, I moved writerly homes again. I will no longer be updating my books on Wattpad. I am moving over to Booksie permanently. This means all further “Beyond Dark” and “Beyond Cover” updates will come from Booksie. Wattpad is no longer of much use to unknown authors such as myself, with the loss of forums and the newsfeed. This is not a decision I made lightly, as Wattpad has been a place where I met so many amazing people and rediscovered my love for writing. But at the end of the day, it isn’t going to further my writing career. Booksie has more opportunities with their Premium program and it caters more to making unknown authors successful, not on what is already popular. Wattpad has been an amazing starting point, but that is all it will remain – a starting point. As the Tom Petty song goes:

“It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going, what lies ahead, I have no way of knowing, but under my feet, baby, grass is growing. It’s time to move, it’s time to get going.”

My next update is that “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” is with my editor and ever closer to release time! I pushed the release date to December to allow time to make it the best it can be before it goes out into the world.

Before I share the “Belladonna” playlist, this is your weekly reminder that “Beyond Dark 1” is available for preorder at ,Draft2Digital and, Amazon!

Have a great and safe week!

Belladonna's Roots 6: Thayer

When Alyssa was first introduced to the Russian rookie covered in biker tattoos, she could only roll her eyes. Thayer waltzed into her life with his charming charisma, unmistakable accent and flirtatious ways much in the same way he made his own place in the series.

When I first created Thayer, it was under the premise he was going to be a temporary character; to be in the story until Alyssa’s former partner, Dwayne, returned from his undercover mission. But in defeating my expectations, readers fell in love with him. He comes in as an underdog, the underestimated rookie. Even Alyssa fails to take him seriously, but he is stubborn about proving himself as an agent, that he isn’t just a tech analyst. That he can stand beside the best of the best.

But he rose up from adversity when he crashed and lost everything. Little to nothing is known of Thayer in “Belladonna”, since the story focuses on Alyssa’s psychological problems with the case. Since pieces of Thayer’s story don’t come out until “Beyond Dark 2”, let’s focus on what inspired his character in the first book.

I wanted a personality that opposed Alyssa, both to create a bit of conflict and add someone who would display empathy she cannot and use that empathy to understand her, instead of walking away like previous partners have. Thayer was meant to show that she doesn’t experience empathy, and to show her struggle with that in wanting to relate to others, yearning for connection. From this, emerged an endearing, funny, little brother type character who even grows on Alyssa with time despite her constant exasperation with his antics. He often provides the much-needed comic relief between the dark periods.

My beta reader once asked me “Why is Thayer there??” and I can definitely see how that question comes into play. He seems to randomly placed. But he isn’t. There is a story there. “Belladonna” simply wasn’t the time to make him front and centre. Since he wasn’t supposed to remain in the series, much of his story didn’t get told in “Belladonna” – so stay tuned for more in the coming books.

The exploration of toxic masculinity and breaking free of that is going to be one the themes woven into his character arc throughout the series. Thayer is in a stage of self-discovery and exploration of a new world around him. He doesn’t always feel like he fits in with his new life, hence the cover of humour and charisma. Beneath that, he is sharp, observant and begins seeing beyond Alyssa’s mask when no one else does despite remaining quiet about it. And, well, Alyssa hates someone being able to see her, so accustomed to feeling invisible. When her first instinct is to push Thayer away, he stands his ground; a glimpse into what is under his light-hearted demeanour.

Given that Thayer remained pretty secondary throughout “Belladonna”, this installment of the blog series shall be a short one. However, as I did with Alyssa, here is the Spotify playlist I created for Thayer!

Until next week, take care of yourselves, and each other! ALSO, I will be posting the first draft of “Beyond Dark 3: Gravedigger” on ,Wattpad starting this Friday. The first chapter of the spinoff sequel has been posted as well. Keep an eye out. And if you haven’t already, you know what to do. “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” is on eBook pre-order on ,Draft2Digital and ,Amazon!

Belladonna's Roots 5: Alyssa

Sometimes a character can reside in a writer’s mind long before they come to exist within pages. Such was the case when I created Alyssa. She remained nameless for many years.

The first stirrings of her character came from “Criminal Minds” season 6 with the Ashley Seaver character, the daughter of a serial killer. It was a backstory that intrigued me. It disappointed me when they never continued it and she only lasted a season. I decided I wanted to explore such a character idea. Only, I was working on “Edge of Glory” at the time and it still had my complete devotion. Then I got divorced and severely struggled with my depression for a couple of years after.

As “Edge of Glory” wasn’t working out for me, I slowly shelved it. I needed something new. A friend and I were co-writing a project at the time in which I introduced the initial character for Alyssa in January 2019. With my inspiration from “Criminal Minds”, I toyed with the serial killer’s daughter. I had no idea what I was getting myself into!

The collaboration project wound up changing, and I branched off to write “Beyond Dark” on my own. Here, it underwent its first rewrite. Originally, Alyssa was a profiler brilliant with capturing serial killers. With my addiction to watching “Deadly Women” and after reading Candice DeLong’s book, I wanted to experiment with a profiler who specialized in female serial killers. I wanted to see how weird, how gruesome would these cases get if these FSKs replicated some male serial killer cases? Back when I did journalism in college, we were always told to ask: “I wonder?” This also applies to novel writing. This is how Alyssa Rawkesby came to be a criminal psychologist who specializes in female serial killers.

Since I made Alyssa’s father, Greg, a serial killer, specifically a narcissistic psychopath, it left me to wonder about her mother. Should she be a willing accomplice in the murders? A doting mother clueless to what her husband was doing, another victim in some sense? Or should I make her a different antagonist altogether?

True to my pattern, I enjoy making things as hard for my characters as possible. So, I made Alyssa’s mother, Dawn, a narcissist. Two deadly tornadoes meeting in the same sky and an only child left in the middle to suffer through it all.

I wanted to start the series with a case that exposed Alyssa’s painful backstory and slowly show readers why she is the way she is. I didn’t want readers to go through the first few books of the series knowing nothing of why she can be an abrasive woman who pushes others away. There needed to be a glimpse beneath her tough exterior. The theme of mirroring Alyssa with a female serial killer really appealed to me. The slow, intricate unravelling of her mental stability, the pieces that slowly become exposed as the killer also escalates, and use the rest of the series to reveal more of her story. The focus in “Belladonna” narrows in on her toxic relationship with her mother. A future book in the series will focus on her father.

I felt it was important to start with Alyssa’s mother, because as previously discussed, it is that lack of maternal nurturing and being deprived of unconditional love that begins forming the roots of personality disorders. Since that is a foundational issue with many serial killers, I felt that first-hand glimpse through Alyssa’s point of view might give readers a unique perspective. To see the first FSK of the series through the eyes of someone who relates much too closely with her. Alyssa knows Belladonna is a monster, but can’t help that part of her that wants to relate. Because she grew up with two narcissists, Alyssa lacks empathy and doesn’t relate to people or the world like many of us do. She truly feels like she is looking from the outside in. Genuine human connection has been so minimal in her life. Alyssa relates more to the women she hunts down and apprehends than she does with normal people. So jaded and cynical she’s become, that she finds it easier to isolate herself from the world away from work than try to connect with others. This is part of her character arc she develops through the series as she learns to form genuine connections.

She isn’t likeable when we first meet her and witness her initial interactions with Thayer. This is meant to leave her development wide open for later on, to witness some of her healing at a vital time in her recovery. She is a brilliant profiler, but tormented and torn. Bitter. Her intelligence and ability to get into the heads of FSKs comes from years of psychological damage, living first-hand with the warped fantasy of a domineering mother.

As we’re going to find, however, Alyssa has come a long way from being a frantic 18-year-old fleeing home for a college a province away to pursue her law enforcement career against her mother’s demands. She made some hard mistakes along the way, but has learned some vital lessons, and will continue to learn and evolve. I am so excited to have you along for her journey!

I hope you’ve enjoyed a glimpse into how I created Alyssa. Something I also do for each of my characters is create a Spotify playlist for them, which I will share here! Next week, we look at Alyssa’s rookie sidekick, Thayer, and the interesting way in which he became a permanent fixture in the series.

If you haven’t yet, go ahead and pre-order “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” on Draft2Digital or on Amazon!

And as promised, the Spotify playlist!

Belladonna's Roots 4: Deadly Nightshade

The ominous, droopy, bell-shaped flower that becomes a purple star is an enticing sight, growing on branches that reach out, almost beckon for one to approach. Shining amongst the flowers and deep green leaves are the black berries, so poisonous, only one or two will kill a grown human being.

To be honest, I don’t know where I got the idea to pair this poison with a female serial killer. My fascination with Atropa Belladonna goes back to my days of writing fantasy as a teenager and in college. Someone I know once called it “good poison, bad medicine” and I think that truly sums up the aesthetic of the plant. In Italian, “Belladonna” also translates to “pretty woman.” In the 16th century, Italian women took the berry juice to make their pupils more enhanced, as they believed it made a woman more alluring.

Image by u_3heuehh9 on Pixabay

The leaves and roots were commonly used in medicine despite being toxic and unsafe. It has been a sedative to stop bronchial spasms in asthma and whooping cough, and a remedy for the common cold and hay fever. Parkinson’s disease, colic, joint pain, and nerve pain have also seen the medicinal effects of Belladonna. However, it is vital to note that you should not use unless prescribed by your doctor, and it is probably best to avoid altogether. It is definitely more dangerous than helpful. They used it back in a time when there weren’t many medicinal options, unlike today.

What attracted me to using Deadly Nightshade as a murder method for this killer, I think, was the notion of something being used to enhance beauty, while being poisonous. Beauty standards being toxic is something that has stood the test of time and is more relevant now than ever, both for men and women. We are bombarded by expectations of how our bodies should look, which diets we should be on, and how to attain this illusion of unattainable perfection. Basically, I took this and paired it with the personality it matched with: Narcissism. Beauty kills. It is something we as humans have always thrived to reach, have put our bodies and souls through torture trying to attain, and it consumes our society. Most advertising targeting women pertains to beauty, while marketing campaigns simultaneously tell men how to be more masculine.

It is poison.

I read in one of my research books that narcissists are attracted to three career types: entertainment, law enforcement and politics. Sometimes inspiration is nothing more than a few pieces falling into the right place at the right time.

Despite being such a lovely flower, the side effects and resulting death from ingestion is anything but. Atropine is the poisonous compound found in the plant. It doesn’t show up on a typical toxicology test, requiring a further test to trace its presence in a body. A dose as small as 10 mg will kill a human adult within six to 24 hours, depending on the dose. A victim’s hair can also be tested for atropine and to find how long they were being dosed for prior to death. Atropine crosses the blood-brain barrier to cause sedation, disorientation, short-term memory loss, and death. It blocks functions of the body’s nervous system. The death itself results from respiratory failure. Other side effects can include dry mouth, enlarged pupils, blurred vision, red dry skin, fever, fast heart rate, hallucinations, mental problems, convulsions and loss of voice.

Image by ,DerWeg from ,Pixabay

Death can be slow or quick. Like any poison, it has that element of control over when death happens and how torturous it will be. It is one reason poison is a common weapon for female serial killers. Not only is it a murder method that involves little cleanup (let the person die where they are, let the ambulance or coroner take them away), it includes that ability to adjust to whichever level of sadism the killer wants to use.

Accessibility is another factor for women who kill with poison. Arsenic was easy to buy in the form of rat poison and commonly kept in homes years ago. Anti-freeze is still a choice of poison for some women. Deadly Nightshade is legal to grow and cultivate. It is also a native plant to many parts of Europe. Some Nightshade species are native to North America. One of my online American friends found Black Nightshade randomly growing in her mother’s garden recently. It is Belladonna’s slightly less toxic cousin and has white flowers instead of purple. Potato and tomato plants are also part of the Nightshade family. The leaves and flowers of potato plants are highly toxic. Tomato plants are less so, but one should still take care when handling them. The veggies from both plants, once ripe, however, are safe.

I think that wraps up the research portion of my “Belladonna’s Roots” series. Next week, we’ll delve into the characters: Alyssa and Thayer. We’ll take an up-close look into Alyssa’s character profile and what inspired me to create her and write her story. I hope you’re enjoying this series! Is there something else you’d like to hear about from within this story? Let me know!

And don’t forget to pre-order “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” if you haven’t yet! Take care!

Belladonna's Roots Pt. 3: Narcissism

Narcissist: “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance”, and also: “a person affected with ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder.’” (Merriam-Webster)

“Narcissist” is a term thrown around a lot. It could be heard commonly throughout the years “Criminal Minds” aired and is used casually to describe someone arrogant and cocky, or obsessed with their appearance. The true psychology behind narcissism goes much deeper–which is what we’re discussing this week in my inspirations for “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna”. For this post, my use of the term “narcissist” will refer to one who has the personality disorder.

It is important to note early on that not all narcissists are serial killers or criminals. The disorder can be managed, should the one affected want to do so. According to the Mayo Clinic website:

“A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems in relationships, social activities, work and school.”

Image by ,Mylene2401 from ,Pixabay

Personality disorders are believed to result from both genetics and environment. A child’s heaviest influence comes from their parents. They learn what they know. So, the traits we inherit from our parents combine with the environment in which we grow up, forming our views of the world. Those who grew up in chaotic or abusive homes, who had unstable childhoods, are more likely to form personality disorders. A family history of personality disorders or mental illness could contribute to a child forming one.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) falls under Cluster B disorders, which include dramatic, highly emotional and unpredictable behaviour or ways of thinking. NPD is often associated with severe selfishness and ridiculous cockiness. Men are more likely to be diagnosed with NPD (50-75% of those diagnosed are men, according to the American Psychiatric Association). Women are more likely to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is also a Cluster B disorder.

Since this is about “Belladonna”, covert narcissists will be the focus. Much of my information about narcissists, and specifically, maternal narcissism, comes from the book by Karyl McBride, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?”. I use this book extensively for reference and research throughout the “Beyond Dark” series.

When I first began working on Alyssa’s character profile, I knew from the start she would be a serial killer’s daughter, and the parent in question would be her father. But what about her mother? As I read further into NPD, the question lingered on my mind: What if both of her parents were narcissists? Are there different types? It then led me to questioning whether NPD is hereditary. Given what I learned about NPD, it was logical to have Alyssa struggle with the disorder while wanting to be the opposite of her parents. Her natural personality of being quiet and serious is more aligned with covert narcissism.

NPD is a spectrum disorder, which means there are varying degrees to the traits it can display. Malignant Narcissism is that larger than life, loud, outspoken personality, bursting with the appearance of confidence and being high on oneself. It is the outwardly brazen side of the disorder.

Covert narcissism, also called “vulnerable narcissism”, is where women tend to fall in the subtypes of NPD. This personality is more reserved, self-deprecating, and the superiority that trademarks NPD is quieter. Instead of being loud and belligerent, the covert narcissist will judge a situation or person quickly and tune everything out when they are disinterested. They appear to listen, but don’t take in anything. They find said person or situation boring or below them and don’t find it necessary to pay further attention. It is in their body language and sense of detachment one finds this narcissist’s judgemental and condescending ways. Eye rolls, glares, dismissive waves, turning away, sighs or scoffs, general inattentiveness and impolite behaviour. This quiet smugness, like any narcissist, is covering for a deep sense of vulnerability, incompetence and insecurity. A hardened front makes it easy to pretend one isn’t as detached from other humans as they really are.

They may also exhibit passive aggressive behaviour, be extremely sensitive to criticism (damage to that ego), responding to with fight or flight. They’ll either get defensive and smugger, or withdraw in a pouting manner, being aloof once more about their superiority. They have a complex of being special and misunderstood. If parents set their children up on a pedestal while there is nothing to back up that complexion, the child may go into adulthood with a superiority that has a foundation of arrogance instead of actual skill or personality. The complexion then becomes a front for the feelings of incompetence or shame.

We see a lot of this behaviour with Alyssa in “Belladonna” as the killer gets further into her head, undoing years of therapy and triggering the disorder. Alyssa fluctuates between her professional exterior, where she listens, usually when she’s dealing with victims’ family and friends. With co-workers, though, she is more likely to tune them out. She is between still immersed in the disorder and learning how to connect to people around her meaningfully.

And this is where empathy comes in–the foundation of all human relationships. It is a learned behaviour in which we connect to others and learn how to care, relate and engage. A child first learns empathy from its parents, specifically their mother. When stripped of a mother’s nurturing, or of love from any maternal figure, a child is less likely to form empathy for others. It’s hard to do that when the chaos of unstable parents made it hard to form attachments to anyone, or to relate.

While I don’t have a personality disorder, I can say from experience that living through an abusive childhood to become an adult often feels like looking from the outside in. There’s a detachment from normalcy. When all you know is chaos and deep pain, there is no normal. When you can’t relate to normalcy, it’s harder to form empathy, which makes it hard to form relationships of any kind. A personality disorder forms to create a front for that inability to connect to others. Children mimic what they know.

Alyssa struggles to make these connections while trying to break out of her glass house of isolation she’s put herself in to avoid hurting anyone else in her life. She will never rid of the disorder completely, but her character conflict is finding a place in her life where she can connect with others as friends and be a genuine version of herself, not what her mother dictated she be. (I’ll touch on maternal narcissism more in the future post about Alyssa’s profile.)

That concludes this week’s installment of “Belladonna” inspirations. Below is a list of research resources I used to accumulate information, if you are interested in learning more. Next week, we take a deeper look at the plant, Deadly Nightshade, and its fascinating history as both medicine and poison, and what led me to applying it to a fictional female serial killer. Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any thoughts or feedback!

If you haven't yet, "Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna" can be pre-ordered here!

Resources

Book:

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” by Karyl McBride

Websites:

Psychology Today:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/communication-success/201601/7-signs-covert-introvert-narcissist

Good Therapy:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/covert-narcissism-the-quiet-counterpart-to-narcissistic-personality-0822197

Belladonna: a glimpse at the profile

Research, research, research. Knowledge becomes central to a story. Much of what a writer studies to make a story realistic never makes it into the book, or gets cut in the editing stage because info dumps are a thing. Like many authors, I am guilty of lengthy info dumps in my first drafts. I simply love sharing what I learned! As my beta reader told me, my first draft of “Belladonna” read like a psychology textbook. Whoops?

I enjoy constantly expanding my field of knowledge. “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” gave me two major research points to dive into: female serial killers and the use of the plant, Atropa Belladonna, also known as Deadly Nightshade.

Image by TheOtherKev from Pixabay

As with their male counterparts, the psychology of female serial killers (FSK) is detailed and not a one-size-fits-all. So, I will break this down as it pertains to the Belladonna Killer’s profile (without giving away spoilers) in the book. I will discuss other types of FSKs in as the future books of the series come out. Otherwise, we’ll be here for eternity.

Criminal profiling is broken down into three things:

MO and Signature: MO (modus operandi) is how the criminal operates in order to complete what they need to do. This is the aspect of a profile and behaviour that can adapt as needed in order to avoid arrest. Signature is an impulsive routine that will not change with the serial killer perfects the act of murder. It pertains to the fantasy in their minds that drives them to kill repeatedly. This difference is important.

Geographic Profile: Where were the victims killed? Why did the killer choose that area? Are they familiar with it, or is it of sentimental value? Were the victims killed the same place as the body disposal site or were there two locations, hence two crime scenes?

Victimology: What do we know about the victims, their lives, family and friends? Physical appearance? Routines and habits? What made them a target, or did the killer select them at random?

This all ties together to form the profile. The definition of a serial killer, as classified by the FBI, is someone who kills three or more people with a cooling-off period in between. This differentiates from a mass murderer: one who kills four or more people within the time span of one incident.

But a serial killer is not as simple as that definition. The psychology is personal to each one. We hear plenty about male serial killers. John Wayne Gacy. Jeffery Dahmer. Jack the Ripper. These are names far more prominent than the women who kill. However, women are still profiled using those three things. It is when we dissect the details of MO/Signature, Geographic Profiling, and Victimology that we see the differences between the two.

My stats and info for this post come from Peter Vronsky’s highly informative book, “Female Serial Killers: How and Why Women Become Monsters”. I will note if the source for other info differs. As I said, we will focus primarily on the profile for Belladonna as it pertains to the book, without giving away spoilers.

As far as FSKs go, the Belladonna Killer is an oddity. While women are mostly like to kill using poison, often they use arsenic, antifreeze or something more readily available than a highly toxic plant not even native to Canada. FSKs are more likely to kill people they know, instead of strangers. They prey on husbands, children, parents, patients; people in their own homes and lives. People they supposedly love. That’s the frightening part. Male serial killers tend to seek sexual gratification, an outlet to a demented fantasy. I applied a non-sexual fantasy element to Belladonna for an added twist–I didn’t want the first case of the series to be a typical FSK. So, let’s break it down.

MO and Signature: The Belladonna Killer poisons her victims using the plant, Atropa Belladonna, which kills in small doses. She doesn’t need much to render her victims dead. It is an effective poison which also ties into her fantasy. She has some knowledge of forensics, how to avoid apprehension and cameras, as displayed by the fact little to no evidence is left at the body disposal sites. Her knowledge of using Deadly Nightshade is detailed. She is familiar with the plant, its history and which dose will kill.

The plant, Deadly Nightshade, has a history we will discuss in length in a future post. It was used by Italian women to dilate their pupils, as they thought it made them more attractive to men. It was also used as a medicine for various things. But beauty is what pertains to this unsub’s fantasy, as outlined in the letters she starts sending. Her overdosing of the victims is a sign of her emotional state during the murders. Angry, yearning vengeance, and wanting to watch someone else suffer. Overdosing, ritualistic posing at the disposal sites, and her choice of poison as symbolism all weave into what becomes her signature.

Geographic Profile: She kills within the city of Ottawa, displaying a detailed knowledge of the layout. It lends itself to the conclusion she must be a local. This also means that her life in that city could be a partial stressor to why she kills. What is in her background that drives her? What is it about this place that contributes to her behaviour? Why does she dump the bodies in alleys? It could be convenience, pertaining to MO, or it could indicate how she feels about her victims, giving insight into her signature. Geographic profiling is helpful for indicating whether an unsub is local, or a travelling killer, and where she is finding her victims.

Victimology: This is where the Belladonna Killer stands out. She kills women she doesn’t know, 20- 25 years old who work in the entertainment industry. They are models, actresses and musicians, all blond and what society deems to be exquisite, even perfect. Slender, with immaculate fashion taste and seemingly carefree lives. Her selection of victims could indicate a resentment towards the industry, or to the women in particular. The association of Deadly Nightshade with beauty could be why she chose it as a poison method, linking back to what makes it part of a signature. Her victims being in the entertainment industry could mean she may work somewhere in it, or once did. There is something about the victims that pushes her over the homicidal edge into a spiral of jealousy, rage and self-pity.

Conclusion: All of that circles back to one another, which is how Alyssa concludes the profile: The Belladonna Killer is a covert narcissist with a history of prolonged trauma. The elements of jealousy and rage make Belladonna a beta female killer personality. According to Peter Vronksy’s book, “Female Serial Killers”, jealousy, rage or hatred drive this type of woman to kill, driven by an element of self-victimization. Covert narcissists also display these traits, along with passive-aggressive behaviour, quiet yet smug superiority, envy of others, and a lack of empathy.

(The rest I will leave for readers to explore in the book, as this portion of the profile becomes detailed with spoilers.)

Female serial killers. They’re cold, conniving, calculating. Their sadism is a reserved monster waiting to be awakened. According to Vronsky’s book, one in six serial killers in the US is a woman. They are more common than we think, due to their quiet nature. Male killers, like BTK or the Zodiac, feel the need to brag about their activity. We rarely see this with FSKs. They don’t crave the validation their male counterparts do.

One like the Belladonna Killer embodies the fantasy element and the need for attention more common to males, yet her MO and Signature is a combination of a typical FSK and something purely personal to the madness in her head. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) isn’t as common in women. Men make up 50-75% of those diagnosed with NPD (according to the American Psychiatric Association). It has similar traits to other personality disorders, which makes the disorders in general difficult to diagnose. And to be fair, the stats may not be accurate – most narcissists never seek help, never get diagnosed, as they don’t believe anything is wrong with them. That would mean having self-accountability and empathy, which are both behaviours that can be learned with tons of therapy, yet most narcissists don’t perceive therapy as something they need.

I will explore NPD in the next post – it is detailed and fascinating how these minds work, and I could go on about psychology and serial killers for days.

I must note, though, that not all people with personality disorders become killers, and not all killers have personality disorders. One does not mean the other will happen. It would be discriminative to assume otherwise. As someone who suffers from mental illnesses (not a PD), I feel it is important to make this distinction. With proper therapy and support, one can live a managed and functional life with a personality disorder. Nothing I’ve written is meant to apply generically to everyone.

Thanks for coming along this journey with me. We’ll delve more into the psychology of narcissism and Anti-Social Personality disorder next time.

Take of yourselves – and each other.

"Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna" can be pre-ordered here!

Belladonna's Roots

A story is written when many pieces and layers of inspiration weave together. It starts with something – a phrase, an image, a song, something we see. It starts with roots that slowly become a tree of character arcs, storylines, conflict and little details. Slowly, a writer builds characters, playlists, settings, and worlds revolving around one idea. Every writer is different for inspirations and the writing process.

I began writing “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” in January 2019. But the roots go back so much further into my life. Back in high school, I wrote a short story called “Frantic”, a mystery about a magician who was a serial killer. I drew the cover art, and I was so proud of it when I handed it in as an assignment, complete with my hand-drawn cover art. I still have it tucked in the back of my “Beyond Dark” binder as a reminder of where all this started. It is dated June 2002 and I assure you, it is as cringe-worthy as early writing can be. We all start somewhere!

My English teacher truly nurtured my love for writing. Pair that with a childhood of growing up with a mother who religiously watched “Law and Order” (we’re talking the original series from the 90s with Chris Noth - even before he was on “Sex and the City”). I read Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes, and all 36 Ann Rule books. Ann Rule was my introduction to serial killers like Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgway (“Green River, Running Red” is still one of my favourite books), and the tragic cases like Cinnamon Brown and Susan Powell. I have been exposed to true crime my entire life. I still remember when news about Robert Pickton broke. When Ridgway was arrested. When Dennis Rader was finally named as BTK. So, despite spending my early writing years delving into fantasy, poetry and horror, that one short story was a step into the world of crime fiction I would revisit later.

On my own, I became obsessed with “Criminal Minds”. All 15 seasons. Hopelessly hooked on criminal psychology; studying it, reading, watching documentaries and soaking in any information I could. I learned a lot about character building and arcs from the series too. I still re-watch episodes to dissect it with a writer’s perspective. The storyline that had me from the start was Ashley Seaver, the serial killer’s daughter. I was sad it only lasted a season, as the character concept fascinated me. I wanted to explore it more. It lingered in my mind for many years after season 6, though it became a story I never seemed to get around to. This would be the basis on which I brought Alyssa to life. More on her in a future post.

I began toying with the series as a spinoff from something a friend and I were working on, though it didn’t remain part of that project. I branched off and began working on it solo. It required a total rewrite, but “Belladonna” remained the first book of the series, with the opportunity to explore it in depth without the other storylines convoluting what I wanted it to be. After years of studying male serial killers, I began watching “Deadly Women” and ventured into the demented minds of women who kill. Here in Canada, of course, we have our own claim to female killer infamy in Karla Homolka and the teenager from Medicine Hat publicly deemed “the Runaway Devil” (she and her older boyfriend murdered her parents and younger brother in a horrific massacre. She was 12-years old). The irony in discovering a killer named Lavinia Fisher years after taking the name Lavinia as a pen name, after one of my ancestors, never ceases to amuse me.

I knew I wanted to start with a female serial killer, and I wanted her to be bizarre and intriguing and tragic. I wanted the psychological element. But weirdly enough, it was one small sentence from a “Forensic Files” episode I was listening to as I fell asleep that brought Belladonna to life in my mind:

“Come on. You always say you’re dying for a new scene.”

Thanks for joining me. I will post “Belladonna” inspirations throughout September and October as part of the ongoing book launch leading up to the release date of Nov. 1.

If you have any suggestions or want to ask about anything within these posts, feel free! In the meantime, feel free to pre-order “Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna”. For now, pre-orders are only for eBooks. Print will be available to pre-order in October. Next time, we’ll delve into fun facts from my research for the book!

Announcement!!!

Well, I waiting for Sept. 1 to make this announcement but I’m just going to put it out there:

“Beyond Dark 1: Belladonna” is available for eBook preorders! Print pre-orders will be available in October, if all goes as planned. (This could change, so keep an eye on this blog for details.)

AND…

The release date of both eBook and print is Nov. 1, 2020!!

I don’t even have words for my excitement level over this. “Belladonna” has been through a long journey in the year and a half since its incipience from a character idea I had years ago, left on a backburner. I’ve had immense support from the writing community, from Twitter to Facebook and especially my circle of friends on Wattpad, including my beta reader. I could name names for days, but all of you have been a part of this journey and I love you for it.

I get asked often how long the series will be. The truth is, I don’t know. I have the major overall plot points and character arcs figured out, but there are also certain cases I want to get into “Beyond Dark” as well. The series length will depend on how the cases intertwine with the character arcs. I don’t want to rush to an unsatisfactory ending for the beloved characters, nor do I want to drag it out too long. It’s a balance I’ll figure out as I go.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be building up to the release date with posts about the various inspirations for “Belladonna” and the characters, a little behind the scenes glimpse for those of you following the series. I am unable to do an in-person book launch party this year like I wanted to, so the celebrations and the book launch will all be online. I am still working on details for that as well, and am open to suggestions!

In the meantime, I’ll be dropping news here, and feel free to join my Patreon for more behind the scenes glimpses, character stuff and exclusive content. It’s the official home for anything “Beyond Dark”. Also feel free to follow me on Wattpad @LaviniaThompson, where I’ll be posting the first drafts of the series, as well as the spinoff, “Beyond Cover”.

Take care! I’ll have the next post up within the next couple of weeks. I am going to work on enabling email updates as well via my blog and/or website.

The eBook pre-orders are available via Draft2Digital: https://books2read.com/BeyondDark1

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/laviniathompson?fan_landing=true

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/LaviniaThompson