Rachel Thompson's Blog, page 5

This is the One About Sexual Harassment

Is This Sexual Harassment? 

I’m going to tell you a story. A story I’ve never told anyone before…

I got his text one night, late but not too late. I’m guessing this was somewhere around 2010 or so…

What are you doing, beautiful? 

The tone surprised me, given that he was a mentor, not just some guy. People flirt in DM on social media. It’s not like I hadn’t had my share of silly conversations with men — but I was married. Unhappily, sure. But, still, I wasn’t the kind of girl to be sexting with some random guy — or even a guy I knew. I wasn’t quite sure what sexting was since I didn’t even sext with my ex-husband (maybe that was part of the problem). I definitely didn’t plan on sexting with a mentor.

Me: Oh, just working. Hangin’ with my family.

I can’t get you off my mind. Redheads get me going. Maybe you can get me off. 

Oh, geez. What is it with men and redheads? Honestly. It’s a bizarre fetish, isn’t it?

Me: Listen, this feels really weird to me. You’re married. I’m married. We have a professional relationship. Have a good night.

And I figured, ya know, done. Maybe he’d been drinking or had a fight with his wife. Whatever. Shit happens.

And then: I want to {insert um, inappropriate sexual term here}

…and this went on for a few more cheesy porn paragraphs I won’t repeat. I froze. Total non-response. Tonic.

An acquaintance I was doing some work for at the time had put us in touch, thinking he could help me build my business. I didn’t know what to do: if I was too harsh with him, would he end my working relationship with her? Would that burn important bridges down the road? What had I done to bring this on?

What if what if what if?

All this nonsensical logic whirled through my mind in those few seconds it took to scan his sexual fantasies. I didn’t respond. My heart raced. What the fuck? How did I go from minor computer work to this new, unwanted reality so quickly?

My lack of response led him to gather I apparently had no interest, so he ended the conversation. I put my kids to bed and crawled into bed next to my snoring husband, crying myself to sleep.

Why Didn’t I Make Him Stop? 

Imagine my surprise the next morning when I received long emails from both the acquaintance and his wife, firing me from the gig and accusing me of leading him on, respectively. I then received an hour-long ranting call from the acquaintance telling me I should have known better than to encourage him, that I should have cut him off because when a man comes on to you, it’s your responsibility to change the conversation, etc….placing all the blame for his behavior on me. She and the wife were good friends — didn’t I see how I was ruining their marriage?

Vulnerable, confused, I took this abuse from her as she screamed into the phone WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE HIM STOP?

Inside this drama, I could not objectively comprehend the responsibility did not lie with me.

I mentally and emotionally went right back to being that eleven-year-old sexually abused little girl, who must somehow own the intentions of men. 

He contacted me a few days later with an apology and to inform me that he needed to block me on all fronts ‘so he wouldn’t be tempted.’ (I wish I was making this up. I really do.) “Take responsibility, dude. Man up,” I told him. “I can’t. I’m sorry,” he responded with a bad soap opera line.

Sexual Harassment and Victim-Blaming 

It’s easy to find some humor in the ridiculousness of this situation now, these many years later. At the time, however, I felt dizzy with nausea, triggered, anxious, and depressed. I felt angry at myself for allowing them to blame me for his behavior, and for not standing up for myself. I still kinda kick myself for that, though I’ll be #truthbomb honest with you: I had not written my Broken books yet, I had not started my business yet, and I hadn’t had any conversations yet with my ex about the dissolution of our marriage (we divorced in 2015).

In other words, I had not yet begun any kind of healing or advocacy journey. I can see how clearly it simply did not occur to me to fight back. Though I didn’t feel I accepted responsibility for his behavior, it was obvious they all needed to blame someone, anyone, other than the person who did it.

And that right there is classic victim-blaming: “Anytime someone defaults to questioning what a victim could have done differently to prevent a crime, he or she is participating, to some degree, in the culture of victim-blaming.” (The Atlantic, August 2016).

I’m in a completely different place now, seven years later. I’ve written two books on my experiences as a childhood sexual abuse survivor. They’ve won awards and sold well; I have an agent and a contract. I also self-publish as well. I started #SexAbuseChat (every Tuesday since 2013, 6pm pst/9pm est on Twitter) with the amazing Bobbi Parish, who is a survivor and therapist. I’m actively involved in various survivor advocacy groups and projects. If you want to tell your story, go to SpeakOurStories.

The Way We Speak About Victims Needs to Change 

I saw this language example in a TEDTalk recently and it really opened my eyes regarding my own advocacy as well as how we all view perpetrators and victims of abuse (I personally prefer the term ‘survivors’ but in this context, victims and victim-blaming are the known and accepted terminology).

Victim Blaming in Language

“One of the biggest sources of victim blaming is the way we talk about it; language surrounding abuse and sexual assault immediately put our attention on the victim instead of the perpetrator.” ~ Julia Penelope 

This is a demonstration developed by Julia Penelope and frequently used by Jackson Katz to show how language can be victim blaming:

John beat Mary; This sentence is written in active voice. It is clear who is committing the violence.
Mary was beaten by John; The sentence has been changed to passive voice, so Mary comes first.
Mary was beaten; Notice that John is removed from the sentence completely.
Mary is a battered woman; Being a battered woman is now part of Mary’s identity, and John is not a part of the statement.

As you can see, the focus has shifted entirely to Mary instead of John, encouraging the audience to focus on the victim’s actions instead of the perpetrator’s actions.

Our Long Healing Journey 

These experiences don’t go away. We move past them until they rise up with a news story or a political candidate’s skeleton rattles. As a woman, survivor, and sexual being, I have often questioned why these things happen. Not necessarily, “Why me?” because I refuse to take that on.

What I mean is: we tell women on one hand to embrace their sexuality and beauty, and then slap them across the face if they do. How can we navigate this double standard? And how do we raise our young girls in this environment? (And yes, I know this happens to men, too. I’m not excluding men. In fact, I’m raising one myself. Here, I’m writing about my experience as a woman.)

I have no answers, though I will tell you that every voice matters, whether you name your abuser, or tell your story publicly or privately or in a journal or even just in your head — that may make zero sense to you if you’ve never experienced it, but a survivor knows and understands.

This is only one story of sexual harassment. I have others. I’m sure you do, too. Feel free to share below or share my post if you feel it can make a difference.

For Rachel’s poetry and memoirs, go to Amazon or Pronoun – her new publishing home for


Broken Pieces  and  Broken Places

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The post This is the One About Sexual Harassment appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

How to Help a Sexual Assault Survivor Fight Abuse

I’ve written a number of pieces about such sexual assault topics as Batman’s unrape, Woody Allen’s attic misadventures, Austin Jones’ anal fetish and more rapist–as–heroes than I’d like to mention. But there’s one name you might have noticed has become a recurring theme.

Victor Salva is a filthy pervert. And I’m not the only one who hasn’t forgotten about that mofo.

Who is Victor Salva and Why Should You Care? 

For those unfamiliar with the tale of Victor Salva the filthy child molester, the horror film director sexually assaulted Nathan Forrest Winters for years before Nathan told his parents what happened on the set of Clownhouse. Salva was found guilty and sentenced to three years in prison; the molester served a whole eighteen months.

Eighteen months. Wow. The courts sure showed him, didn’t they? And Hollywood went out of their way to distance themselves from… oh, wait, that’s not how it went. Salva stayed away for a couple years but since the mid-90s, he’s directed hits like Powder and the Jeepers Creepers films, of which the third installment is due soon (or already depending on when this goes live). As for Nathan, he was blacklisted because I guess Hollywood really does have a secret boy-loving cabal at the highest levels of power. That’s some Illuminati shit (if the Illuminati were reputed to rape children).

When Salva’s Powder released, Nathan spoke out and reminded the world what a pervert Salva was but even many of those who listened forgot – like producers who just wanted more money. And Powder made money. You’d think Hollywood would at least make sure not to have Salva direct any kids in films but Jeepers Creepers 2 had a teenage boy on set. Why? What the hell were that kid’s ‘rents thinking?

Money. It’s always money.

Unlike movie producers, Nathan cares about more than money; he’s doing what he can to spread awareness about the silent and silenced victims. He’s planning a speaking tour to use his story to educate in the seemingly never-ending fight against abuse; his story and journey are being made into a documentary, The Babysitter, by Connar Frazier and it should be an eye-opening experience for those still blind to the abuse in Hollywood. He’s also working on a non-profit organization (we R their voice) so he can help those who need it most.

My desire is to bring this epidemic out into the forefront. We, as a whole in this country, have been too afraid to face such an unspeakable topic and therefore continue to turn a blind eye. This has allowed these predators of our children to go unchecked for too long 

– Nathan Forrest Winters

Why Fighting Childhood Sexual Abuse Matters 

To make all this a reality, Nathan needs your help and has set up a fundraising campaign because even doing good costs money. He’s taken something ugly and scary and has chosen to turn it into something that could help others not suffer the same way he did and in a world where potato salads can raise $55,000, there’s no reason why one dedicated to fighting childhood sexual assault can’t reach its paltry $1000 goal.

Give money, spread the word, show your support.

Sexual abuse is am epidemic and Nathan is doing what he can to fight against it.

The rest of us can help and we should in any way we can. Aside from donating, we can also boycott Jeepers Creepers 3. If we withhold our cold, hard cash from films that knowingly hire child molesters, maybe Hollywood will stop hiring them.

They won’t say no to pricks like Salva because it’s the right thing but might blacklist him if their bank accounts suffer.

The post How to Help a Sexual Assault Survivor Fight Abuse appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

This is the Number One Misconception Writers Have About Writing

When did you decide to become an author? When did you start writing? 

These are the typical interview questions people ask me. They’ll ask you these questions, too, when you become a writer (if you haven’t published yet). You pull out your rote answers, not because they’re boring and you think you’re all that, but because you already know them since you’ve been practicing them most of your life anyway:

“Oh, you know, since the age of ten when I fell in love with The Secret Garden and knew I just had to write,” (which is totally true, by the way). The thing is, there’s a huge leap from practicing your Oscar speech for Best Writer in the Whole World Ever (why don’t they have that anyway?) in your cracked bedroom mirror when you were a teen, to ya know, writing a real live book you hold in your hands (and hope readers do, too).

There’s a difference between writing silly little stories about goldfish when you’re eleven and learning about the craft of writing.
There’s a difference between learning about the craft of writing and writing a book.
There’s a difference between writing a book and getting it published.
And where you go from that first step to that last step (and it’s by no means the last step because, hello, you have to market that shit), are worlds away from each other in thought, expectation, and execution.

Let’s deconstruct.

This is the Biggest Misconception Writers Have About Writing 

“I’m going to write a book and it’s going to sell millions of copies and be in Barnes and Noble and on the New York Times bestseller list and oh, I’ll be on TV and, and…I’ll sit on Oprah’s couch and I’ll buy a new house and I’ll never have to work again.”

Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds? Like some drunk kid reciting the beer bong version of The Game of Life. *hiccup*

Yet, isn’t this all of us at the beginning? This is every aspiring writer out there in the world (even people who aren’t writers). This is the dream of the uninformed, the ingenue, the babe who hasn’t learned of agents, distribution channels, queries, advances, keywords, book marketing, or the publishing industry in general (sorry to burst your cotton candy vodka bubble).

This is the reader who asks: will I see your book at my local bookstore and you think, I guess? Why not? (Oh, so many reasons why not.). The library? (Hahaha.) Barnes and Noble? (If you want to pay to play, sure…).

Go read anything on Writers Beware (the most legit of legit sites out there) which gives you the low-down on everything publishing related. Or Writer’s Digest or Publisher’s Weekly or shoot, Wikipedia FFS.

Learn the industry you plan to enter. Would you enter any other industry without learning about it first? No. So, it kinda boggles my brain how writers jump in with these unrealistic expectations and then don’t understand why their books aren’t selling. Google shit. Ask people whose work you admire (many are busy and won’t answer back, though some will surprise you). Buy books on the topic. Read articles, blog posts, take a course. Do the fucking work.

I’m not saying it can’t happen and you won’t be the next J.K. Rowling or James Frey (I’m still mad at Oprah about that, by the way). I’m saying figure out what you don’t know and learn from there.

Learn the Craft of Writing 

Someone asked me on a chat the other day if I feel everyone has a book in them. I do feel all our experiences and stories are valid and a book is a wonderful way to honor this, however, I don’t feel everyone has the talent to write a book. Which isn’t to say they can’t learn, or don’t have the right to write — we all have that right. Whether it will be great and will sell? That’s a different story.

As I said, I started writing at the age of ten, always excelled in English classes, took every possible writing class in high school (AP classes which I sailed through and started college with six credits), Communications studies in college (minored in Journalism) with an emphasis on written skills, and continued to take additional creative writing classes while working. Somehow, I ended up in Big Pharma for seventeen years (don’t ask), which really quashed my creativity (though I did journal throughout). I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons I experienced some pretty soul-crushing depression during that time.

Point is, all that work swirled around in my head all those years, and when I finally was able to start blogging in 2008, I could breathe. I’ve blogged pretty much every week for almost 10 years (either here or on BadRedheadMedia.com) or on one of my guest or paid gigs. Writing consistently and a lot makes you a better writer.

I wrote my first book in 2011, the second in 2012, the third (Broken Pieces) in 2013, the fourth (Broken Places) in 2015, and the fifth (The BadRedhead Media Book Marketing Challenge) in 2016 — working on six and seven now. I’ve self-published, signed with a hybrid, now have an agent and small publisher for my business books, and am back to self-publishing my memoirs and poetry (by choice). I market all my own work (more below). Click here to find all my books on Pronoun and Amazon.

Learn how to write. I may not be the best writer in the world and don’t consider myself as such, yet my words resonate with people which gives me grateful shivers. I’m humbled to receive fan mail (Me — fan mail? I still cannot wrap my head around that at all. Truly. I’m just this girl typing at a computer), sell a decent amount of books, and win the occasional writing award.

A final note: I encourage writers to ‘Write what scares you,’ because that’s really the only way to have your words resonate with readers. I don’t mean, for example, that you must be explicit in your descriptions of violence or sex (whether real or imagined) unless you feel it’s necessary, depending on your genre. What I mean is to dig deep inside yourself and pull out those emotions you hide, that terrify you, that make you vulnerable — these are universal truths that bond us. When you feel that, others feel it, too.

Getting Your Book Published

Which direction do you want to go? Most authors figure they will get an agent and go traditional so they don’t have to market their book since the publisher does that for them.

So cute.

Publishers don’t market your work. Even the Big Five. They will do more traditional PR, like set up signings, get top interviews, get you some great guest blogs or a top-tier blog tour (this is all if you’re a big name), pay a placement allowance for face-out, front table placement in chain stores, etc. Online marketing (social media, newsletters, advertising, blogging, promotions, giveaways) is primarily all on the author. 

You can read more about book marketing over on my blog or in my book. That’s not really the purpose of this post.

My point here is to commit — if you are dedicated to this writing thing, and truly want to see your book in print (or eBook), and want to make it happen, either hire someone to help you navigate it all, or learn how this shit works. You are not a child, and this is adulting (though I’ll say here: I’ve worked with seventeen-year-old authors who are more mature and informed about this than many middle-aged authors). You will pay taxes on royalties. This is a business, so treat it as such.

If your goal is to make a pretty book or just to say you did it, cool. Awesome. Foozle (as my dad would say — hey, he’s eighty. He can call it whatever he wants.) Lots of people write books that never sell and that’s okay, too. Manage your expectations.

Now That You’re A Writer…

Be proud of yourself. Writing, publishing, and marketing are hard work. It’s a creative pursuit and it’s a job — yet not my only job and certainly not the one that pays my bills. Art is work, as Patti Smith so famously said.

In realistic terms, it most likely will not pay your bills. At least not for a good, long time. I sell about 100 books/month right now (not a lot, not a miniscule amount). I’m hoping that with Amazon’s interest in my BadRedhead Media 30-Day Book Marketing Challenge, those sales will increase. I’ll let you know. Upcoming releases Broken People and the BadRedhead Media 30-Day Twitter Challenge will also help as well. Meanwhile, I keep writing and working and doing my thing. Fortunately, I love what I do — working with authors, offering free help via #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday, and hosting #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday as well.

Do what fills your soul.

Pursuing a creative life is a wonderful endeavor in this hard reality we live in. I encourage you to dive in and utilize those spaces in your brain we don’t typically access as we slog through the daily detritus. If you can imagine other worlds, share emotional planes we don’t often visit and help people feel and dream what stirs their soul, writing belongs to you. Sprinkle that shit everywhere.

But first, realize it fully.

 

The post This is the Number One Misconception Writers Have About Writing appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

This is Why Celebrity Rapists Are Never Punished by @WillVanStoneJr

Excuse me for a minute while I try and bleach all this rancid stupid from my poor brain. Honestly, it’s just too damn high these days. Did you know that right now, publicly, there are people – not all mentally deficient – defending R. Kelly? I wish I could say this is unbelievable but as Bill Cosby, Woody Allen, Donald Trump and oh-so-many-more bad people out there think rape (as well as the accompanying allegations) are totes cool, yo.

Like, truly, madly, deeply, if you’ve got money or fame or have a blind aura of cultdom surrounding you (even if you’re a rotten pumpkin baked under the sun till Thanksgiving), the hideously evil parts of you and the heinous acts you ‘allegedly’ commit won’t even register with your rabid fan base. Even a debt-ridden “businessman” turned president-by-collusion with a well-documented history of abuse (sexual and otherwise) can be deemed a decent enough fellow to lead the Free World.

The Unholy Hell is This?

Once you reach a certain height of money-making fame, the spotlight not only shines on you but blinds your fans to your worst crimes. Just look at:

Austin Jones, who more than once was caught being a creepy creeper and still feels the love.
Or Victor Salva (I ain’t forgot about you, mofo) who still makes movies even though he was convicted of sexually assaulting twelve-year-old Nathan Winters on the set of his 80’s horror flick Clownhouse.
Or Roman Polanski who raped a teenage girl and still has his career for as long as he wants as long as he stays out of the United States. The entertainment industry doesn’t give a half shit about these bastards’ victims so long as those bastards keep makin’ them richer.

Not for the first time (one time, he peed in a girl’s mouth in a homemade child porno. She was fifteen). He married R&B singer and Queen of the Damned actress Aaliyah when she was fifteen. And that’s just the tip of the perverted iceberg.) R. Kelly has been accused of statutory rape.

Recently, Jerhonda Pace spoke to Buzzfeed about her (illegal) relationship with singer R. Kelly.

You know who that is: dude sang I Believe I Can Fly, Bump n’ Grind, Trapped in the Closet among other highly successful songs. As an artist, he is rather talented and deserves the recognition his voice has garnered him. He also has a history of (allegedly) pursuing sexual relations with underage girls and has yet to suffer any punishment for the crimes he just keeps committing. Pace was sixteen when she and Kelly first hooked up and not much older when she left him after his treatment turned physical.

Yeah, R. Kelly is a creepy creeper of the highest order. A creeper who also makes his record label shit loads of cash.

Pace was sixteen when she and Kelly first hooked up and not much older when she left him after his treatment turned physical. Yeah, he’s a creepy creeper of the highest order. A creeper who also makes his record label shit loads of cash.

No matter what he does, he always has people in his corner, ready to pounce on anyone willing to speak out against him. It’s not just ordinary fans who refuse to believe he’s capable of such gross actions, and why not? It’s not like the justice system in this country has any sort of decent track record when dealing with sexual assault cases. If The Law doesn’t take these kinds of charges seriously, why should anyone else?

Brock Turner. That name ring any bells? Dude wasn’t even a celeb and still got off easy with next to no time served so his future wasn’t too inconvenienced, unlike the young woman who is forced to live with his cruel violation for the rest of her days. And he’s not the only one; a simple Google search will show you numerous cases where rapists just got a slap on the wrist. So when it comes to beloved celebrity icons, how can anyone expect justice to be served?

There’s a word for this. Or rather, a phrase.

Rape Culture, that thing so many claim is fake news. A culture phenomenon deniers claim doesn’t exist. These men are allowed to continue on with their lives because why ruin his life over one little mistake? And when it comes to the famous, and money they make for others hangs in the balance, there’s next to no chance there’ll even be a trial, much less a conviction.

People like Jerhonda Pace and Nathan Winters, even if they get a jury to believe them, will never know real justice because the “punishments” handed out to their rapists (when one is) is barely a blip on the course that is their lives. It’s the victims that live with the scars, not the so-sorry rapist. And I predict we’ll see it happen when if R. Kelly is brought up on charges.

It’s not only the blind worship of false idols and money-over-justice fuckery but when a victim comes forward, especially when the accused is famous, non-believers turn vicious and launch all-out smear campaigns (and worse) against those willing to speak out.

I’m not advocating “guilty until proven innocent,” but I am demanding we take accusations seriously and when they’re proven not excuse or ignore the crimes. There is videotaped evidence of R. Kelly treating a girl’s mouth like a toilet and he still got off and was able to (allegedly) abuse even more woman, both child and adult. If that case had been handled correctly, if people didn’t disbelieve their own damn eyes, Jerhonda Pace and who knows how many more young women wouldn’t have their own stories of abuse.

But money talks and rapists walk.

 

**Sociologists recognize that rape culture is composed primarily of four things:
1. behaviors and practices,
2. the way we think about sex and rape,
3. the way we talk about sex and rape, and
4. cultural representations of sex and sexual assault.
To learn more, go to ThoughtCo.com.**

For Rachel’s poetry and memoirs, go to Amazon or Pronoun – her new publishing home for
Broken Pieces  and  Broken Places

Will is a writer and an artist, born in Bridgeport, CT. He has always looked to the future and dreamed of what could be. After writing a short story in seventh grade, he discovered a love of writing that rivaled his love of reading. He currently lives in Ansonia, CT surrounded by character sketches and outlines. See more of his writing (and some artwork) at his site and find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, DeviantArt and Google+.

The post This is Why Celebrity Rapists Are Never Punished by @WillVanStoneJr appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

Four Best Things To Do When a Child Discloses Abuse by guest @KW_Writes

“How could I not have known that my child was sexually abused?” my friend Max* asked me.

We sat hunched over a table during happy hour in our favorite restaurant, the conversation anything but happy. I had known Max since our college days, the time period during which I disclosed that I had been sexually abused as a child. After his daughter, Olivia*, disclosed that she had been abused several years before, Max called and asked if we could meet.

This was my personal nightmare. I had known Olivia her whole life. As a survivor, I knew what to look for regarding whether kids may have been victimized. I had detected nothing. Later, I learned that up to 40% of children who have been sexually victimized show no signs at all.

“Will you help us?” he asked, his voice hollow, his eyes glazed over with shock.

I nodded. “Of course.”

Statistics of Child Sexual Abuse

This issue is too important to ignore. And while I have experienced “The Flinch” over and over again as I advocate for the health and well being of child abuse survivors, I didn’t want this experience for Olivia. I don’t want this for any child.

Evidence shows that you probably know a child who has been sexually abused. Estimates show as many as one in three girls and one in six boys are sexually victimized before they reach 17 years of age. To complicate matters, most children never disclose. Estimates are that as many as 90% of child sexual abuse cases go unreported.

The problem is huge. Overwhelming. We want to turn away. We think that if we don’t acknowledge the issue of childhood sexual abuse, it can’t happen to us.

But that is not the way life works.

Honor the Shock You Feel

A child disclosing that he was sexually victimized is shocking. There is no way around the shock and denial.

I felt so shocked that I wanted to tell Max that Olivia was lying. I felt terrible about this, mind you, but I desperately wanted her to be lying; I would rather help Max deal with the fallout of her lying than I wanted her to have gone through this trauma, especially as an abuse survivor.

Once Max and I worked through that part of the denial phase, Max lamented that Olivia had not told him about her experiences. This is pretty typical, however. Children who disclose that they have been sexually abused will do so with a trusted friend or adult, but not often a parent. They also won’t have a single, well-documented, coherent story. We remember events as we are when they happen; a six-year-old remembers abuse as a six-year-old. Therefore, memories are disjointed and fuzzy, if they aren’t blocked out because the events were so traumatic.

This is the beginning of a long journey, and the news means that life is different than what you thought it would be. The important action is to simply sit in the shock for a little while, and use it to help you move forward.

Ask for Help

When they disclose, children tend to feel as if they are at fault, that they did something to cause the abuse. As adults, we know this is not true, but children don’t have that luxury. They need to be told that their disclosure was the right thing, especially as you pursue professional help.

Depending on who the child tells, the local Department of Human Services (DHS) may already know about the case. If Olivia had told a teacher, for example, that adult would have to call DHS as teachers are mandatory reporters. Law enforcement is also consulted, working in conjunction with state and county agencies in order to make sure that children are safe.

In Olivia’s case, there was a central county resource whose sole job was to process child sex-abuse cases. They provided medical and psychological evaluation, worked with the authorities assigned to the case and helped in the interviewing process. They also assigned Max’s family a social worker, who helped them to find a therapist who could keep working with Olivia over time.

As this journey unfolds, write down all of your questions and keep asking. Find a therapist that you can trust, not just for your child, but for you as you process through this trauma. You will need all the help you can get.

Take the Child’s Lead

When Max first told me about Olivia, I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and say, “Tell me everything!” This is not a good strategy. The feelings are understandable, but the actions would not help.

Just as each child discloses in her own time, she will continue to tell her story as she needs to. Children have questions or need to work out feelings. Sometimes memories will shatter through the protective walls in their brains.  

These nuggets of information can come out during a ride in the car, while snuggling and reading, or while on vacation. The important job of the adults in the lives of children who disclose abuse is to simply take their lead, listening when they share.

Hunker Down and Be Present

This is not an easy situation. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Olivia. Will she have nightmares like I did? Will she have trouble in school or with relationships? What can I do to help her process this event as she grows into an adult?

This is not going to resolve itself in a short time, leaving everyone happy. This is a process with unknowns and questions and tears. And even though I would prefer that this had never happened to her – or any child – I would rather protect and support her the best that I can than to have her never say anything at all.

 

*Names and personal information have been changed to protect privacy.

Kelly Wilson is an author and comedian who entertains and inspires with stories of humor, healing, and hope. She is the author of Live Cheap and Free, Don’t Punch People in the Junk, and Kelly Wilson’s The Art of Seduction: Nine Easy Ways to Get Sex From Your Mate. Her latest book, Caskets From Costco, has been chosen as a finalist in the 18th annual Foreword Reviews’ INDIEFAB Book of the Year Awards, the 10th annual National Indie Excellence Book Awards, and the 2016 Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Contest.

She is the founder of PTSD Parent, a website and podcast that educates, supports, and inspires all people living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in their homes and families. Kelly Wilson currently writes for a living and lives with her Magically Delicious husband, junk-punching children, dog, cat, and stereotypical minivan in Portland, Oregon. Read more about her at www.wilsonwrites.com and on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

 

For Rachel’s poetry and memoirs, go to Amazon or Pronoun – her new publishing home for
Broken Pieces  and  Broken Places

 

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This is the Reason I Write about Surviving Sexual Abuse with guest @mariah_k_mullin

**Mild trigger warning**

“How do you use your CSA (childhood sexual abuse) in your writing, or do you at all?”

I’ve been thinking more and more about how important it is that I, and others like me, feel empowered and enabled to speak out about our experiences. What’s that AA saying; you’re only as sick as your secrets? I believe that to be true in so many ways. I write about my survival because that is what it is: a survival story. I don’t want anyone of any gender or sexual orientation, especially young children, to feel that there is no life after abuse. That it has to determine who you are and who you can become with it as a part of your personality.

Surviving Sexual Abuse 

I was sexually abused from very early childhood until I was twelve years old by a family member that was only five years older than me. I was verbally and mentally abused by the adults in my home until I reached adulthood and left the family home. I won’t go into extreme detail, that’s for another time and place, but it was a messy life, and it has left its own scars that I bear to this day. I have crippling anxiety, claustrophobia, manic-depression bouts, and severe PTSD that is wildly unpredictable. I take medication to regulate my activity and live as “normal” a life as possible.

It is my normal though; it’s what I’m used to and I have learned to thrive in it with some tools and outlets. I have struggled with relationships, simple ones like friendship all the way to a broken engagement before I had even turned twenty-four. I had so much need locked up inside of me, so much feeling and anger with no place healthy to send it. Then I remembered before I had tried to use relationships as a glue, I am a writer.

Changing My Sexual Abuse Narrative 

My creative outlet has always been writing. When I was hurt physically or mentally, I retreated to my notebooks and journals. There is something about putting down my thoughts on the page. Seeing them there, almost detached from me in a way, makes it so that I can process them and express myself better. I can read what I’ve written and really analyze why I feel that way. Why I wrote that phrase. Why that word was important to me at the time.

Ultimately, writing became a way for me to say what I was too scared to say out loud. If I turned it into a story about someone else, it became easier for me to deal with. And then one day, I was writing and realized: I could change my story. I didn’t need a relationship to validate me as normal or unbroken; I was normal and I could alter my own perceptions of myself.

I had been writing about pain and devastation and torture and such feelings of helplessness because that was my life. That was my reality (Ha- write what you know they say!). Then I realized I could make my stories powerful, I could create heroes and heroines who save themselves. I could give them powers, make them strong and confident in ways I could only hope to be at the time. I made them learn to love their scars, both inside and out. I made them flawed and human, but stronger for their humanity.

I made characters that could be loved and in doing so I realized I could love myself.

In telling my characters stories of triumph and love, I opened myself up to writing one of my own happily ever after’s. To see that I really deserve a life where I call the shots and make my own choices.

How I Write About Sexual Abuse 

While my heroes and heroines are flawed and human, my villains became much more than your typical “Disney villain.” The qualities that made my abusers powerful, I made into weaknesses. The things about my reality that shattered me, I made shatter my fictional foes. I made villains that show the reader there are bad people out there, but they do not always win. They don’t always have hidden good qualities that can redeem them at the end of the story; they are who they are and I show them as such. Raw and mean and unbalanced. That’s my villain. Selfish, conniving, and sadistic. That’s my villain.

It’s your next-door neighbor, the guy at the grocery store, that one bus driver who has always given you the creeps. I chose those people because that is REALITY. Abusers are just like everyone else, and that is what really makes them scary. Their ability to hide in plain sight until it suits them.

Sexual Abuse Survivors Are Never Truly Alone 

My story isn’t over. I don’t think I have even reached my halfway point yet, but I do know that I am my own heroine in it. I believe that I will continue to write; for myself, for others (hopefully), for fun, and for therapy. My writing has made me stronger, it’s made me realize who I can be, or more accurately the person I want to be in life. I see my life as a story with heroes and villains making their appearances and exits over time.

With time, I watch each chapter pass and I get further and further away from the victim and louder and prouder as a survivor. Writing is for me first, but it’s a bonus if somehow my characters or stories touch another person, hopefully leading them to find their own voices through the trauma or feel less alone in the void.

We are never truly alone and that is the message of every short story, every partially written novel, every blog, and every article I write. I am here for you. There is someone there for me. And some day, the people I’m there for will become that someone to another wayward person.

So, seek out your creative outlet, help yourself find your coping mechanism, whatever you choose won’t be wrong. And if you need a shoulder or an ear, I am always here for any and everyone who needs it.

 

Find more information on Crimes Against children and statistic information from this article go to: http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/statistics/index.html

If you or someone you know is being abused or neglected, seek someone to talk to. Never suffer in silence. Call one of these numbers or go to a website listed. I promise it gets better and there is someone on the other end who understands and will be there for you.

Nation Children’s Alliance – www.nationalchildrensalliance.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-779-SAFE(7233)

CyberTipline (to report online victimization of children) www.cybertipline.com

Child Help USA (for victims, offenders and parents) – 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)

 

With Light and Hope,

Mariah Kaye

 

Mariah Kaye is a working writer, hoping to have her first novel published by 2018. She currently lives with her two black cats, planning her next adventure, curled up with a good book, or assisting at a birth. Mariah also does volunteer work with victims of abuse and is a women’s rights and LGBTQQIAAP activist as well as a conservationist.
Follow on Twitter for updates on her writing and other activities. @mariah_k_mullin
Keep an eye out for Mariah’s new blog following her adventures in writing and being a birth worker. Coming Sept. 2017.

 

For Rachel’s poetry and memoirs, go to Amazon or Pronoun – her new publishing home for

Broken Pieces and Broken Places.

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This Is The Reason Austin Jones Is A Filthy Pervert

As you may have seen, a rather successful YouTube-based singer was arrested recently on two counts of producing child pornography. He’s twenty-four-year-old Austin Jones and the alleged illegal photos are of two underage (fourteen and fifteen-year-old) fans. That’s ten years and a whole bout with puberty difference there.

If your first thought is gross, you’re not alone as quite a few people have come out against the alleged hebephile and the disgust his actions inspire. And a few have even reminded the world that he’s been in trouble for inappropriate requests before, though, in his own words, they were only twerking videos and he felt so sorry and bad and all the other things creepers claim when they get caught out being filthy creepers. Jones announced he was seeing a therapist and all was swept under the rug and when he returned to his burgeoning career, no one reminded the world what a pervert he is.

Until word broke that he was at it again and this time it went beyond just dancing. The latest round of ick involved him asking for photos of the girls nude below the waist – seems he has a thing for erm, the back door – and the girls agreeing in their desire to prove their fan-ness to the creep.

You might wonder: why they would send him those pictures seeing how everyone knows his asking was wrong on multiple levels and I would wonder, too — unless you forgot what it feels like to be young and (kind of) obsessed with that cute, possibly talented celebrity who personally messages you and makes you feel all special and shit because that’s why.

(And let’s not do the whole victim-blaming thing because, really.)

Let me break it down for you

Austin Jones is famous and he’s got the pretty eyes, pretty face, and pretty hair that can make adolescent hearts pitter-patter and when that pretty slides into your DM and wants to kik or chat or text you, it’s like winning the fucking lottery. So, yeah, some of the girls he manipulated gave into his demands, even as their own brains screamed for them not to and their mouths said they weren’t comfortable bowing to his demands requests.

The fact that the warning signs were there and ignored (even defended) makes this already horrible accusation even worse. Back in 2015 when screenshots first surfaced showing his sick hobby and he was set to go on tour, his management and the tour company all attacked those who spoke out (including another YouTuber who felt he had to say something when he learned of his then-planned tour partner) and called them bullies, threatened legal action and pushed the “innocent fun” facade in the hope it would all blow over. And it did. If the wagons hadn’t circled around the then-twenty-two-year-old grown up it might not have gone this far. But as the Victor Salva (still ain’t forgot about you, motherfucker) saga has shown, money talks and sexual offender walks. Weird, it’s almost like we really do live in a rape culture…

A pass is also given by the general public

Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski and Michael Jackson all had charges leveled at them (and in Polanski’s case plead guilty then ran when he realized he’d actually be punished for raping a thirteen-year-old) but still have defenders who will look at the victims and evidence and shrug their shoulders. Oh, it’s not true. Liars! Thieves! Money-grubbers! Golddiggers! And those who dare to look at the alleged dirt bags and take the accusations seriously are pathetic snowflakes who hate America. Or some other stupid shit.

Jones, while not on the Cosby-Trump-Jackson-Allen-Polanski level of money and fame, may still avoid the well-earned thirty year jail sentence that he deserves; he wouldn’t be the first young white man to be slapped on the wrist for the sake of his future (where, I assume, he would again be found to prey on teenage girls) and how hard prison would be on the singing twink. And that’s only if he even manages to be found guilty.

 

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

I know “innocent until proven guilty” is how our courts operate and there is the slightest of chances in a frozen hell that he didn’t actually do anything wrong but, when there is so much clear-cut evidence of wrongdoing, it’s kind of hard to think there’s nothing to see here. This isn’t a case of he said/she said that make up so many sexual assault/abuse cases; there are screen shots and videos documenting the bastard’s sick proclivities. And would-be victims coming forward with their own stories. And, of course, the booty-shaking “apology” from two years ago that shows a possible pattern of abuse/escalation.

Society needs to stop protecting criminals and hold accountable those who do. Everyone who enabled Jones to continue preying on teenage girls needs to be brought up on charges alongside him. If any of the people around him had spoken up before it got so far, those two (possibly more) girls wouldn’t have been used and manipulated and victimized by someone looking to get off.

Society should also stop the victim blaming

I’ve seen too many responses that went the “where are the parents” and “they’re old enough to know better” and even defenses of his actions (which I refuse to link to but if you really want to see any, just check YouTube). The girls are not criminals. What Jones did isn’t normal or healthy. It’s also illegal.

How people on the outside respond says a lot about who and what they are and should keep that in mind when they attack the victims or excuse the crimes.

Will is a writer and an artist, born in Bridgeport, CT. He has always looked to the future and dreamed of what could be. After writing a short story in seventh grade, he discovered a love of writing that rivaled his love of reading. He currently lives in Ansonia, CT surrounded by character sketches and outlines. See more of his writing (and some artwork) at his site and find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, DeviantArt and Google+.

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Is This the Reason We Are All Objectifying Each Other?

I read this on Twitter earlier so I created a poll…

“If a woman posts a selfie in a bikini, why should she complain when guys objectify her?” Just read this. So, does this mean:

Women exist for sex only 

Some men need to STFU 

At last count, it was 100% in favor of choice number two.

Is is a cop-out to say that men simply cannot help themselves? That they are biologically wired to see a near-naked woman and want to hit it? According to studies, not really.

Sexy women in bikinis really do inspire some men to see them as objects, according to a new study of male behavior. Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up. Men were also more likely to associate images of sexualized women with first-person action verbs such as “I push, I grasp, I handle,” said lead researcher Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University.

And in a “shocking” finding, Fiske noted, some of the men studied showed no activity in the part of the brain that usually responds when a person ponders another’s intentions. This means that these men see women “as sexually inviting, but they are not thinking about their minds,” Fiske said. “The lack of activation in this social cognition area is really odd because it hardly ever happens.” (Source, National Geographic)

I get that. You get that. And if you’re a guy, you’re probably like, “YES! Proof that I cannot help it.” Or guys will argue that women do the same (studies disagree, but whatever).

This is not the issue. The issue is that you (or the guy and millions like him that make doorknob comments like the one at the beginning of my post) feel entitled to sexually objectify women. The guys who feel sexually entitled to women are the problem.

But wait: are we all objectifying each other in some way?

Let’s deconstruct.

If You Think Someone Is Hot, Cool 

As a woman, as a human, I enjoy receiving compliments. It’s nice when a guy/girl tells me something lovely. Who doesn’t like that boost? There’s a reason my avatars on social media have me dolled up and looking more than decent: I want to project the best version of myself as an author and professional. As is my right to do.

Most people put forth the best versions of themselves. You are likely not all that different. (I don’t know, maybe you are.) The point is, if you want to compliment someone, then compliment them without expectation. I get a lot of nice compliments on my green eyes (rare, I guess — thanks, Russian ancestors). Sometimes, however, I get the ‘Your eyes are beautiful. I’d love to see the rest of you.” So wrong.

And I really don’t care what you’d love to see. Fuck off.

Honestly, as a survivor (and it’s right there in my bio), you would think these men would be slightly more respectful. Nope. I am more than a pair of green eyes. So are you. So are the men who are sending these ‘compliments.’ Have some respect for yourself, guys.

We ALL Have a Right To Not Be Objectified 

Let’s remove gender for a moment.

I’m personally not a fan of ‘selfie culture’ FOR ME because I’m more of an introvert. I don’t like putting myself on display because of the attention it brings, which makes me uncomfortable. I’d rather focus on sharing content, posts, quotes, and writing that stimulates people’s minds. That’s my choice as a writer and professional businessperson. That said, for those who do post selfies — I love the freedom you have to share those private glimpses into your lives and you will find no judgment here from me.

If a person chooses to share a photo of themselves, as is their right, why do other people feel it’s their right – as the viewer of that photo — to judge that person? We don’t exist to entertain each other (unless we are actors and you are paying for that entertainment). So, who are you to judge and objectify that person’s body, clothing choices, hair, or activity? It’s embarrassing to me, as a nation of adults, that we do this to one another.

I remember looking at Glamour Magazine’s ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ Section when I was a young girl and thinking, wow, this is so mean. Some of the ‘Don’ts’ were okay, not my style, but it’s not like we all lived in a glossy NYC mag with a glossy NYC mag budget. Some of those ‘Don’ts’ were simply doing the best they could at the time.

I still kinda hate those magazine bitches for that.

Stereotypes Suck

In the rare instances where I’ve told a guy to back off (I usually just block and report), I’m sometimes met with rage or even stalking. “It was just a compliment” when I told him, no, it was none of his goddamned business if the carpet matched the drapes (seriously what is it with men and redheads? Get over it, already).

According to Everyday Feminism, this is a common reaction:

In instances when women speak out against being treated as objects, some men build resentment – because they feel like women aren’t operating in their roles correctly.

This is largely why so many men  take rejection so harshly.  They feel like failures, because their role is to be proactive and pursue women, and when they’re told “no,” it’s a rejection of their manhood.  Since they don’t realize that they’ve been taught toxic ideas from a young age, they believe that women are the ones to blame for not following a script.  In reality, it’s due to our culture reinforcing damaging stereotypes that hurt everybody in the end.

Kudos to the rare man who will apologize. I’ve encountered this specimen and he does exist, which gives me hope for our species.

Are We All Just Objectifying Each Other? 

We’re all taught in elementary school to ‘treat others how you want to be treated,’ yet when it comes to social media, this lesson is often lost, regardless of gender.

Survivors of all genders are often disrespected and disbelieved — and why? Because it makes someone feel better to what, fling accusations at them?
LGBTQ are made fun of simply for existing because others are uncomfortable.
Racism and anti-Semitism are rampant.
People accuse every Muslim of being a terrorist.

Where is the respect? Is anyone listening to anyone else?

By objectifying each other as one-dimensional beings, instead of humans with brains, thoughts, and feelings, we do ourselves a disservice. It may be a lot to ask, but the next time you feel the need to lash out at someone on social media who disagrees with you, take a step back and remember: this is a living, breathing person with a pulse.

They may be a troll, they might even be an awful person undeserving of our attention,  and sometimes the best reply is no reply at all (I often don’t respond to trolls or flamers because I value my time and emotional energy too much). The question here is: Are we objectifying them right back?

Maybe we’ll all guilty of objectification and don’t even realize it. I don’t have the answers, only the questions.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts below. 

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This is the Reason I Started #WhySurvivorsDontReport and Why it Matters Now

Regardless of where you stand on the Cosby mistrial, you have no doubt heard about it. It’s unavoidable right now. And that’s okay. This is a necessary conversation whether you are a survivor or not.

Criminal Trial vs. Civil Trial 

The Bill Cosby trial was a criminal trial. Many of his supporters don’t believe these women because “they waited so long to report.” That they’re only doing so now “for the money and attention” — untrue, since in this particular case, many of these women came forward decades ago. It’s only taken until 2017 for the case to come to trial due to various legal loopholes. Dozens of women came forward regarding Cosby, but the statute of limitations had expired.

Worth noting: he admitted to “drugging women for sex” in a previous civil trial.

The ignorance astounds and insults millions of sexual assault survivors, like me. A criminal trial does not seek to award money to the victims (I use the word victim only in the legal sense). It seeks to assign penalties. In this one case regarding Constand, “Cosby remains charged with three second-degree felony counts of aggravated indecent assault, and each count carries a minimum sentence of five years in prison. All told, if found guilty, Cosby could spend the rest of his life in prison.” (Source: NPR).

This is the case that went to trial (and is still viable for retrial) because the statute of limitations hasn’t run out. Many other survivors are pursuing civil trials because that’s their only option to seek justice.

Why Survivors Don’t Report 

Survivors don’t report for a myriad of reasons. Go on over to Twitter and look up the hashtag #WhySurvivorsDontReport to see the heartbreakingly honest reasons. Survivors are female, male, young, old, gay, transgendered, all colors and all backgrounds. Sexual assault doesn’t discriminate, but society certainly does.

For people attempting to fit survivors into a political, religious, or racist narrative, I say back the hell off. We are not here to fit into your cozy little story.

Let’s be clear: survivors are not female only.

RAINN stats show 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18; 93% are known to the victim. In 88% of the sexual abuse claims that CPS substantiates or finds supporting evidence of, the perpetrator is male. (Source: RAINN.) 

One reason many have for supporting Cosby (and other alleged rapists like Trump, Woody Allen, and others) is the amount of time many of their accusers wait. If they waited to report, it must be they’re lying. I’m not sure how one equals the other, but whatever. Armchair psychiatry at its worst.

Everyone is an expert on what sexual assault survivors should do. 

This is pure ignorance. I urge people learn and understand how the brain is affected by trauma. What it means when the pre-frontal cortex is impaired during states of high stress. “What PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is and how it affects sexual assault survivors. How fear, shame, and guilt affect our very souls.

According to Justice Department reports: 

Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010 (2013).

“One of the hallmarks of drug-related sexual assaults is the effect the drug has on the victim’s memory and ability to recall and were nonetheless willing to present this evidence to the jury.” (Source: NPR) When people say survivors ‘only want attention,’ I vehemently challenge this notion. Who wants this kind of attention? Does this sound fun to you? Yea, a real party.

Survivors: Facing Our Abusers In Court 

I have stared down my abuser in court, at the tender age of twelve. The abuse happened repeatedly during my eleventh year of life. The DA feared the case wasn’t strong enough because the two four-year-olds, where there was DNA evidence in the vaginal and anal regions, were too young to verbalize what happened. But I wasn’t.

He got two years.

So, for those who say all survivors are lying, or we just want attention, I’m here to tell you: I’ve been there. I never ever wanted any of the attention. Not from my abuser, not from the police, and certainly not in court. I didn’t want the accusations and dirty looks from his children, the gossip at school and in the neighborhood, or the scarlet letter that came from being ‘the one who was abused by that child molester’ my entire school career.

I did report, but only after I initially said no during police questioning. It was all too humiliating and shameful. I did tell (because children are horrible liars and they knew something was up  — another reason the excuse ‘children lie about being sexually abused’ doesn’t hold water), but that doesn’t mean I judge others who don’t. And neither should you or anyone else.

This is why survivors don’t report.

Do you need help right now? Contact RAINN.org or chat with them now by calling 1-800-656-HOPE 24/7.
Please join me for #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday 6pm pst/9pm est with my cohost, survivor and certified therapist Bobbi L Parish. If you want to read more about my story, head over to Amazon for my award-winning books, Broken Pieces, and Broken Places . I’m writing Broken People now.

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Free Speech & Peaceful Assembly: A Conservative’s Worst Nightmare by @WillVanStoneJr

As you have no doubt heard, Vice President Mike Pence gave a pro-free speech commencement speech at Notre Dame recently and it ended exactly the way one would expect, with him missing the point (and irony) of his own words. It amazes me to no end that a career politician – now only one resignation away from the Oval Office – has such a piss-poor understanding of what Freedom of Speech actually means and how he abuses it like Trump does wives.

Free Speech

In case he’s forgotten those studies, I’ll remind him:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

As you can see, the First Amendment of the United States Constitution explicitly states that Congress cannot place restrictions on what we can say and write. The Supreme Court later extended this and other rights to include barring the states and local governments from preventing the freedoms we hold so dear. Know what that means? I can refer to the whiner as Vice President Douchebag without fear of legal reprisal. Yippie!

Peaceful Assemblage 

The second part I want to address is peaceful assemblage, which is exactly what the graduates who walked out on his pity-party speech did. While there are those who claim they were acting like the pathetic snowflakes Pence was bitching about, those small-minded fools would be wrong. They did not approve of what Pence has done during his time on the political stage and showed just how little they cared for his words by silently standing and stepping out. That’s so goddamned American I’m surprised he didn’t pop a boner, considering how much he claims to love this country. Maybe he needed a little (red, white and) blue pill. Who knows?

He ignored the walkout, as any in-denial, mansplaining bigot would, and continued to remind us all how little self-reflection the man practices by quoting a god whose laws he only-kind-of follows, threw in a few other “you, know” fillers, and followed up with this groan-worthy line:

… we must also listen to those who disagree, care for the bonds that join us together, and find ways to build a society where all can flourish – even the people who don’t look like us, think like us, or vote with us.

About That…

Um, no, I don’t. When you tell me that someone’s illogical hatred of my very existence is more important than my fucking existence, I don’t have to listen to a word you say. Pence signed a bill into law that essentially legalized discrimination and since I fall under the LGBT spectrum, that law effects me on a real-life personal level.

His reason? The poor, persecuted hate-filled Christians (don’t you dare start with that #NotAllChristians nonsense; I’m on a roll here) need protection from the big, bad gays who just want to be treated the same as their non-LGBT peers. Of course, we’re snowflakes for wanting such a silly thing, and how dare we work to make it happen. Ingrates. We should listen to him and learn from his bigotry fierce commitment to his personal lord and savior that he only cherry picks from to back up his desire to oppress make us a godly nation. No thank you. I’ve heard it all before.

He also signed laws telling women what they can and cannot do with their own bodies, always a favorite of his party. Because God says that’s the way it ought to be. Of course, He also said we can enslave our neighbors and marry off victims to rapists, but let’s ignore that like he does (at least publicly). We should just shut up and listen; he’s just disagreeing with us so it’s okay, right? And turning those personal beliefs based in religion into laws that affect everyone is just, um, how he makes his point… heard…? He’s a politician. That’s his right… right?

Our Founding Fathers

Let’s ask a really old dude his opinion:

Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church & State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore to man all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties.

– Jefferson’s Letter to the Danbury Baptists

While there is no way to know for sure what Jefferson would’ve felt toward LGBT rights and abortion, I can make an educated guess.

 

Pence’s choices are based on religious faith. An embryo is a person not because science but because his god (allegedly) claimed once to one guy that “[b]efore I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV) and that somehow is proof that history’s greatest killer of babies and children is pro-life.

If you doubt me, read your Bible, folks; it’s chock full of dead kids. And his problem with the gays comes from Leviticus, which states, “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination” (18:22 NASB) and “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them” (20:13 NASB).

Dafuq is bloodguiltiness!?

He also ignores the fact that these lines, along with all the ones he chooses to ignore (mixing fabrics and shellfish among other seemingly innocuous things are no-nos but, hey, only the butt stuff counts… ‘cause gays are icky) are the ancient laws of a foreign (and extinct) government that may very well have unrelated-to-gay-sex meanings due to numerous translations and societal traditions we don’t fully understand. Jefferson was all about using facts, things provable, when it came to law-making.

Pence is, obviously, not.

Our dear V.P. not only flaunts the (non) separation of church and state, he also complains when people use their First Amendment right when they get vocal about what a shit job he does, and still claims freedom is suppressed. Methinks he knows not what he speaks of.

… far too many campuses across America have become characterized by speech codes, safe zones, tone policing, administration-sanctioned political correctness, all of which amounts to nothing less than suppression of the freedom of speech. ~ Mike Pence 

He’s right, though; there is suppression of free speech at play in today’s society, or rather, the attempt to do so. People like him who believe there are those who don’t deserve respect, who shouldn’t speak up when they see or hear something that goes against their core values as a human being with all the rights and privileges thereof, when they realize that the very vocal minority have a sinister meaning behind “Make America Great Again,” they should just shut the fuck up and take it like they used to; you know, the good ol’ days.

He would rather we let it go like we’re fucking Elsa (from Frozen) and allow his fellow fringe conservatives to strip us of our rights, our very lives, and not fight back. We should sit there and listen to his hate-inspired words and pathetic defenses of that hate – which he would claim is love because, God – and keep our opinions to ourselves.

Let’s Discuss the Idiocy Point by Point: 

I’m not very good at doing what I’m told so I’m gonna, you know, speak out and point out his idiocy.

Let’s start with his fear of speech codes . I agree; they flaunt the Constitution. They are designed to keep people from saying certain things others might find offensive and that is suppression. Let the racist say racist things; we’ll all know he’s a racist piece of shit and can easily avoid him. Everyone, even V.P. D.B., has the right to speak freely and openly. He’ll just need to deal with the ramifications of being a known bigot. Enjoy that shrinking circle, asshole.

 

Next up is safe zone, aka safe spaces : a place where one can feel safe when discussing things like how big a gay they are without worrying about a big gay bashing. These are a necessity, mostly because people like Pence exist and hold powerful positions from which they can oppress. I will champion the end of safe spaces just as soon as homophobia (and misogyny and racism and all other forms of bigotry) be wiped out. Ball’s in your court, Pence.

 

Then there’s tone policing which is, not ironically, used by people like Pence to disregard the meaning of words because they’re said with an outdoor voice while they themselves love to scream their messages. Sometimes, the only way to get your point across is loudly; just ask his boss who makes terrible and loud points but gets pissy when anyone says anything not-nice about him (like the fact that his face looks like the rotted insides of a year old Halloween pumpkin). Look at how the right has responded to BLM protests; it’s not said and done the way they approve (and apparently never could be ‘cause, bigotry) so it must be wrong. Maybe his side should take notes.

 

And, finally, administration-sanctioned political correctness . The definition of political correctness, for those unaware: the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against. Basically, it means “don’t be a dick” and Pence doesn’t like that. I guess he’s cool with all those fancy slurs out there. Explains why he willingly became 45’s running mate.

Why Fear-Mongering is Ineffective and Sad 

Pence’s speech was, above all else, a lame attempt at fear mongering. They gon’ take all our rights and force us into gay marriages and make us watch black movies and shit just like Obama took our guns for eight whole years of hell! He doesn’t give a shit about anybody’s freedoms but his and his party’s own (and only the white cis straight Christian male members).

He wants free reign to oppress anyone who doesn’t think the same way he does and to force us all to comply with his version of biblical law. What he should’ve done was take a moment from his dry, sleep-inducing speech and congratulate those graduates who walked out on him for being exactly the kind of people he claims so many of us aren’t.

We’re not out to take away his rights; we just want ours to be no less valuable.

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