Heather Solos's Blog, page 51

Countdown to Turkey Day 2013, The This Is Very Difficult Edition

Heather says:

Last week it hit me that October passed and I hadn’t even given my annual pre-Turkey Day photo shoot any thought. It simply didn’t happen.

Yesterday I drove to my old house to drop off something and I was struck by how autumn had finally arrived while I wasn’t paying attention.

There are things I won’t allow to be taken from me*.

Thanksgiving is one, so many things aren’t the same, not that being the same is the point. . . This is the year that the traditions really matter, the old and the new.

Know that there will be fewer pictures and some things will be different, but this part will still be true:

[...] even if nothing comes out right, your mom, sister, and drunk uncle Roy are driving you nuts, or if it’s just not turning out as planned, Thanksgiving is a celebration in the spirit of gratitude. The fact that we have friends and family willing to even begrudgingly come together is a sign we are truly blessed [. . .]

We have two families in this life, the one we are given and the one we create; embrace them both this holiday season.

This has been a difficult year full of change and loss, but there has also been joy. While I did have to say goodbye to my sisters far too soon, I have also celebrated welcoming others into the family. (Yes, looking at you, Eugene** ) That was a wonderful day, and Connie, yes, I will note the second photo was staged.

I’ve been spending a fair amount of time in my own head lately, wandering around the internet and my neighborhood. In that wandering, I’ve been noticing a theme of light and I’m trying to get there, but there is no guide. When you are in the dark and walking toward that light, sometimes you stumble, sometimes you curse, and sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever get there. As silly as this series has been in the past, this year, I want to head toward the holidays with some hope. I want to sit down on Thanksgiving and be able to look back at this year, not with horror and grief, but with a sense of accomplishment just for making it through and maybe in that, I’ll find the gratitude I know I should feel.

Will you come with me? Will you hold my hand and just be grateful for that moment?

 

 

The Countdown to Turkey Day series is an annual collection of articles that will help you get ready for the holiday without worry. Novices and seasoned hosts participate, to help get ready to kick off the holiday season without the stress of trying to remember every little thing. (I happily keep you on track.) If you are already a Home Ec 101 subscriber, you don’t have to do anything, just keep showing up and maybe say hi, so I know you’re still out there. If not, feel free to follow along via email or RSS.

We will get this done, together.

Professional Photos were taken by:  Joseph W Niestedt

 

*By zombies. . . it’s the passive voice test, if you can add by zombies, you’ve written in the passive voice and should consider revising or simply use it as a way to share an excellent grammar test that makes me giggle.

**while I’m talking to you, could you share that wedding pic of the three of us? You know the one that was “during” the ceremony.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
CommentsI was just so proud of myself for knowing where the pictures ... by Connienever mind, Connie's taken care of it for me by imabugHeather, I'm right there with you. We lost my mom very suddenly ... by Lindsey McCollumI will! I'll just have to find where on the computer I've ... by imabugI eventually want to do more than survive, but. . . for now, ... by Heather SolosI'm so glad to see this post – not that I need to prepare for ... by melaniebbikesRelated ArticlesCountdown to Turkey Day 2012: November 8, Finalize the Guest ListCountdown to Turkey Day 2012: The Great Kickoff November 1  

How to Remove Flammable Liquids from Clothing

Dear Home-Ec101,

This evening right before bed while he was outside letting the dogs out, my husband saw a roach on our back porch. He was barefoot, so he grabbed the nearest object to him so he could try to kill it. Normally a brilliant man, he had a momentary lapse of stupid, and he smashed this roach with a plastic bottle of lighter fluid. You guessed it: the bottle cracked, and lighter fluid started leaking out on our wooden porch.

He got out the hose and washed off the deck pretty well. I made him strip out of his pajama bottoms while he was outside because he’d gotten lighter fluid on one of the legs. He used the garden hose to rinse the cuff of those out, and they’re going to stay out on the porch overnight.

I know that putting those pants in the dryer if they have any lighter fluid left on them is a recipe for disaster. What’s the best way to handle this? Should I hand-wash and line dry them tomorrow? Is there anything else I need to do with the deck? I know the joke about “Oh, no, there’s a roach! Better burn down the house!” but I’d rather not let that actually happen.

Signed,


Patient and loving wife

PS Yes, he did manage to kill the roach.

Heather says:

I do believe what you are referring to as a mere “roach” may actually be the much more insidious and untrustworthy with their gift of flight, Palmetto Bug. Or in the words of every transplant who moves to SC, “giant [insert expletive of choice] cockroaches” which perfectly justifies the level of reaction described.

I hate them. I had one chase me down the hall the night of the housewarming party, thankfully none of you noticed as I managed to keep the disgusted squeal down to a squeak and did have a shoe handy, no lighter fluid necessary.

To solve your query: How to safely remove lighter fluid or other flammable liquids from clothing? You are exactly on the right track. Spot wash the affected area and line dry.

The volatile nature of the chemical actually plays in your favor when it comes to removing it from fabric.

Use regular detergent or dish detergent and a bucket, rinse thoroughly, and hang dry. The deck will be fine, but you can spot scrub it if it makes you feel better.

Simple and done.

Submit your questions to helpme@home-ec101.com.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

              Related ArticlesHow to Deal With Stubborn Body Odor in LaundryDon’t Just Cover Up Musty OdorsHow to remove mildew and musty odor from towels  

Hollandaise Sauce

Michele says:

Though I don’t mention it often, I suffer from several chronic illnesses. They limit my life choices, and have caused my career goals to slide from surgeon to virologist to chef. Ultimately, my disabilities chose my career for me; I ended up becoming a foodie housewife. I was incredibly depressed and upset at first, but I eventually accepted that I had no say in the matter and figured I may as well embrace what things I could do.

I’ve always been an over achiever, so I delved into the books I was meant to study in culinary school. I had a wonderful appetite and found joy in cooking, often waking early to pore over books from my would-be academie de cuisine’s reading list. All of that psyching up made me feel like I had conquered an empire when I made my first roulade, a hero when I made my first croissant, and Chef (yes, with a capital C) of my kitchen once I had mastered the five mother sauces: béchamel, velouté, tomate, espagnole, and hollandaise.

The books were infectious and led to me wanting to share my new-found knowledge with others. When I oh so casually mention that there are five sauces that one should memorize when learning to cook, however, most folks headed for the hills (for some odd reason). But you, Home Eccers, you surely must appreciate the trademark luxurious mouth feel and depth of flavor of a properly prepared mother sauce—and not just any mother sauce. We’re talkin’ hollandaise. (And everyone loves Hollandaise, right?)

Hollandaise Sauce

1 stick butter, melted
4 large egg yolks, room temperature
1-2 teaspoons lemon juice or good, light colored vinegar
½ teaspoon kosher salt (use less if desired)
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
Dash of hot sauce, if desired

 

In the blender:

Skim the foamy solids off the top of 1 stick (1/2 cup) melted butter; hold the butter over low heat (or zap it in the microwave for 20 seconds before you use it).

Add 4 egg yolks to your blender. Pulse until light, fluffy, and thickened. This will take about 45 seconds.

Once the eggs are light and fluffy, turn the blender on. Add the melted butter in a thin stream; the heat from the butter will cook the eggs. If at any point your sauce starts to look grainy, pulse in an additional egg yolk.

Once the sauce has formed, pulse in 1 teaspoon lemon sauce, ½ teaspoon kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, and a dash hot sauce (if desired). Taste the sauce and add an additional teaspoon of lemon juice, if desired. If the sauce is too thick, add 1 teaspoon of water.

Serve immediately.

 

On the stove top:

Step One: Skim the foamy solids off the top of 1 stick (1/2 cup) melted butter; hold the butter over low heat (or zap it in the microwave for 20 seconds before you use it).

Add 4 egg yolks plus 1 teaspoon water to a medium sized metal bowl placed over a simmering pot of water. Whisk until the yolks are fluffy, about 3 minutes. Once the egg mixture is light and fluffy, add the melted butter in a thin stream while mixing constantly. Cook, still whisking constantly, over the simmering water until the sauce is thick and creamy.

Once the sauce has formed, whisk in 1 teaspoon lemon sauce, ½ teaspoon kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, and a dash hot sauce (if desired). Taste the sauce and add an additional teaspoon of lemon juice, if desired. If the sauce is too thick, add 1 teaspoon of water.

Serve immediately.

Michele Newell is a housewife turned blogger turned Home Ec 101 contributor.  You can read her near daily ramblings at Dreams Unreal.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

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Nest Generation 2 Thermostat Review – Not Sponsored

Heather says

After becoming very frustrated with my so called programmable thermostat the first chilly morning of the year, I said to heck with this and bought a Nest Learning Thermostat – 2nd Generation T200577. This has been a purchase I was procrastinating after the expense of my move this summer, but I finally reached the critical mass of frustration necessary to spur the action.

You’ve been there, right? This will do until. . . . NO it will no longer do.

So I hopped over to Amazon Prime -a dangerously addictive program I belong to and made my purchase. Generally this means that I’ll receive said product in 2 days, much to my happy surprise, the Nest 2 arrived the very next morning. WIN!

I was super proud of myself. I took a picture of the old wiring, just in case, on the advice of a Twitter friend. This advice came in handy, but not for the reasons she expected.

 

Smart, right?

Well look at that tiny little wire connecting Rh to Rc. Unlike what the troubleshooting guide said, this wire is VERY important. Critically So.

I turned off the power at the breaker, disconnected the old thermostat, connected the Nest, turned the power back on and followed the extremely simple set up process to get the new thermostat working.

I went to bed that night with the Nest glowing a warm orange, assuring me that the house was being heated to a comfortable 65 degrees.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up with three shivering children snuggled into my bed. Roll over, the littlest one said.

Finally I got up and sure enough it was still glowing orange saying it was heating but the temperature in the house was certainly not 65. And I know, I know, we are Southerners with thin blood who don’t wear enough clothing to ward off a chilly night.

My new to me home has a fireplace that we put to good use this morning. The kids were excited, it was actually the first time I had used said fireplace, so we ended up experimenting with the flue a bit more than I anticipated.

Once the chill was off of the room and enough coffee had been consumed (Yes, I have a caffeine addiction) I girded my loins and began troubleshooting the lying thermostat.

It turns out that the little red wire connecting the Rh and Rc inputs in the thermostat was vital to making the thermostat work. Unfortunately I had dropped this two inch bit of importance into the fan of my dehumidifier. I did not want to go to the hardware store simply to buy two inches of wire.

Did you know that dehumidifiers are over-engineered to ensure you cannot get to the fan? 14 screws and many quiet swears later, I had said wire in hand.

I copied the layout of the old thermostat, crossed my fingers and re-attached the face of the Nest Gen 2 Thermostat.

Success!

It worked perfectly, it was just a quirk of my older home’s wiring and my reluctance to read instructions.

Ease of  installation? If you read instructions, I’d say piece of cake, if you’re me and just kind of give things a go, you may prematurely brag about how handy you are. You may then drop a vital piece of the installation and complicate the process further.

Ease of programming? It’s automatic and adjusts to your schedule, or you can fiddle with it and teach it yourself.

Energy Costs? That will be seen over time, I do know that we experienced significant savings over the previous year in my last home. I have not lived in this house long enough to give you an accurate percentage how what the cost savings will be. I do know the frustration cost is already lower, now that I have finished sabotaging my own installation efforts.

I have never had a relationship with the company that produces this product and yet, I’m a repeat customer. How is that for an endorsement?

You can read about the Nest thermostats on their own beautifully designed website. I will probably be updating this home’s smoke detectors over time, too. There are few things more aggravating than playing where is the chirp coming from, at least with my -shiny!- I mean limited attention span.

(I had a discussion about this purchase on both Facebook and Twitter and was asked by friends to write about the experience. Trust me, if I can install this thermostat with three kids zooming about, even the least handy among you should be able to handle it.)

 

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
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Quick Reply to the Bloggers Are Not Experts Fuss

Heather says:

I was going to leave this alone, but I can’t. I know many of you are not bloggers. There’s a fuss going on right now about Martha Stewart saying that bloggers are not experts.

Well, I never claimed to be.

What Home-Ec101.com has always claimed is: [To be] a site dedicated to teaching a broad range of life skills to adults in a conversational and entertaining manner.

And to finish my point, I’m including a picture that is now six years old:

That baby on my lap? Now wears that shirt as pjs, which I find funny.

Sorry, I couldn’t completely ignore this one.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
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Sunday Confessional: Coming Out of the Fog? Maybe.

Trigger warning: Death and Suicide.

Heather says:

Hi.

I used to do the Sunday Confessional as a way to help remind everyone that no one’s life is television perfect. To remind you and myself that what we see on Facebook or wherever  is just a snapshot and not the whole picture. To remind myself that we are often comparing our worst with another person’s best.

Life is hard.

Death is harder.

While in Atlanta in September, I took part in Erika Napoletano -someday I’ll learn to spell her name-’s closing keynote. I stood on a stage and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell the whole story, but I will someday.”

Monday, October 7, on Twitter, I told parts of Laura’s story that I hadn’t told in the post on organ and tissue donation.

I’m including it here because I promised I’d tell her story and I don’t want it to get completely lost in the ephemera that is Twitter.

I’m about to talk about the death of my sister. It may be a trigger (death/suicide), I will not be offended if you mute or unfollow for now.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

Here is what I published about the death of my sister the day after: http://t.co/GHiLGbDmZ4 but there are many things I did not say. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I am going to stick to the facts as I am sure a lawyer will see these tweets at some point. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

My sister broke her arm two days before the gunshot incident. Her, dominant, right arm was in a temporary cast / splint to her fingertips. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

My sister had a black eye -her left- that was not caused by the gunshot. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

My sister did not show up to work the two days prior to the incident. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I missed a phone call from my mother who then messaged me via Facebook at 5:14am saying to [call now]. I did. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I was TOLD she shot herself and was in an ambulance. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

Many phone calls were made and this portion of the story is confused as it took a while to figure out where she was. I knew I had to go. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

The chaplain spoke to my father and said that she was not expected to survive. I boarded a plane that afternoon. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I remember the faces of the people who sat next to me in the airport bar and on the planes. They were all kind. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I will never forget the orange of the sunset setting Mt. Ranier on fire as we flew into Seattle. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I will not forget my inability to approach her hospital bed when I finally made it to St. Joseph’s. The sadness on my mother’s face. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

My stepsister died in May, I touched her hand once and that unnatural coldness is indelible in my sensory memory I was scared to touch Laura — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

And I sat down. Time stopped. My mom sobbed and encouraged me to touch her, talk to her, anything. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

Hours passed -it could have been less time, but I can’t remember exactly- and her husband -estranged, showed up.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

He said things about her that may have been true. Things that were humiliating and shaming, while holding her hand. He eventually left

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I went to stay at a friend’s house. I’d been up for nearly 24 hours and I knew I couldn’t sleep at the hospital that night, though I would. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

The next evening while sitting vigil I received a message via facebook from someone with an alias [paraphrased] Are you her sister? — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

[still paraphrasing from the message] What happened wasn’t an accident. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

The husband displayed gang colors, having demanded Laura, my sister, buy specific shades of blue. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I did not know who the messages on Facebook were from and I was scared. This is not a life I lead. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

The person sending the messages wanted me to meet him offsite as the hospital “was not safe for him.” — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I refused. The hospital was safe for me. I have children, they come before my need for answers. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

We stood vigil with the husband showing up at times until Monday. When we got the second opinion that reaffirmed devasting brain trauma. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

In the state of Washington the spouse, even estranged, is next of kin. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

The gun used in the incident was stolen. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

My sister was once robbed at gunpoint and did not like guns. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I had to be kind, we all did, because the final say of whether or not to terminate life support did not belong to us, but to the spouse. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

The story of how she passed is the one I shared on my site. Just know now, who was also in the room and the restraint that took. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I asked the doctor to perform a pregnancy test. [I didn't know she had an IUD] We asked for an autopsy. The trauma doc made notes of this — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I received a copy of her death certificate on Monday.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

It says: Manner of death: SUICIDE Autopsy: NO Pregnancy status: UNKNOWN IF PREGNANT AT TIME OF DEATH

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

We did not know the autopsy was not performed and had her cremated. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

We held a memorial service in Tacoma, WA for her local friends. The spouse had a meeting with his parole officer and did not attend. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I have questions I will never have answers to. I just needed to share, because you a saw a slice of the pain, if you followed at the time. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I’m angry. I’m angry that our request for an autopsy was denied. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

It is entirely plausible that my sister committed suicide I am not saying anything else happened. I just wish, she had mattered to the state — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

I am thankful for my friends and family who have stood by me over the past month and longer. — Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I am thankful to those of you who have held me when I cried and held the phone when they couldn’t be there in person.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I know the pain will always be there. I know the questions will always be there. I know that time will help.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I told a roomful of people that I was sorry for not having told the whole story, but that I would. And I have.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

 

I have been talking with friends about my options fight this, at risk or take this and live successfully & start a foundation in her honor.

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) October 7, 2013

My children have heard edited versions of both of my siblings’ deaths. They are too young for the full version and the edited version has something I wish I could shield them from. Both Erica and Laura made choices because they were too sad. Now they see me struggling with grief, anxiety, and depression and it is all I can do to reassure them that I will continue to fight this. Each morning as I take the medication I tell myself, I will get better, because I must.

I sleep with the light on, like a child, I’m afraid of the dark. It’s not the physical dark though, it’s that intangible darkness we all carry within us and somehow leaving a light on helps a little.

I don’t remember much of September outside of panic attacks and anxiety. The medication I’m on, because I will not lose this fight, really messes with my memory. I hate that. I used to feel intelligent and somewhat insightful. I used to be a fully functional adult and felt like I was ready to take on the world. Now, I get the musts done, but the shoulds have all fallen by the wayside, let’s not even talk about the wants.

One of my closest friends in the world also struggles with anxiety and is also facing huge life changes. To get through this, we have come up with the concept of “Adult Camp.” Please get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not a clothing optional kind of thing. We simply do things together that are overwhelming.

I know that some of you know these feelings, that sometimes, just going to Target for household items can feel impossible. We get through it together though. We have a list of things we have to do: log a few hours of work, make doctor appointments, make phone calls, refill prescriptions, go to the store. . . things that used to be simple that no longer are. Our refrain, as we accomplish stupid, menial tasks that used to be easy is, “We did it, like grown ups!”

I tell you this, knowing I sound weak and ridiculous.

I no longer care.

This has been a humbling experience.

We are all broken in our own ways, some of us are very good at hiding that broken, but sometimes compensating is the least healthy choice.

Those of you who have reached out to me in the past six weeks or so, with letters, cards, emails, and yes, even the hugs, I can never thank you enough.

I’ll be Heather again someday, not quite yet, but there are days where I see a glimpse of myself and that encourages me to continue forward, in this robotic shuffle that gets me through these days.

I had my first good day since August 22 last Tuesday. It ended with a flat tire, someone I barely know picking my children up from after school care, and my accidentally swiping a tire iron from a really nice teenager.  I’m sorry, Alex, if I had any idea of how to find you, I’d totally return the tire iron. Somehow through all of that mess, I didn’t cry or just go to bed.

And that gives me hope that there will be more good days. Days where I can handle more than the musts and maybe start in on the shoulds. (Writing here is a should).

Home-Ec101.com isn’t going away and neither will I. Thank you for your patience and sticking around despite the lack of updates.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
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Homemade Challah

Heather says: see the end for a note

 

Michele says:

Now that September is nigh, relief from the insanity of summer is in sight.  Kids go back to school, vacations cease, and life gets back to normal until the seemingly just around the corner winter holiday season.  Assuming you’re not Jewish, that is.  And if you are Jewish, getting the kids to school on time is the last thing on your mind, because you know that September is the beginning of what feels like a month of constant holidays.

Since Jewish holidays are based on the Hebrew calendar, the holidays are on different dates on any given year.  This year, September kicks off with Rosh Hashana, followed—a mere nine days later—by Yom Kippur.  But that’s not all, folks!  This year September is also the time for the week-long Sukkot, which winds down with Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.  Just in case you were counting, that’s 12 days of holidays in a 30 day month.  And, as with most holidays, they all call for a whole lot of cooking (well, except for that pesky fast on Yom Kippur).

I have no idea how they do it, but year after year all the balboste don their Super Woman capes and bang out dish after dish without breaking a sweat.  Briskets are braised and served up with tzimmes, an obligatory kugel will appear from the oven looking so delicious you want to eat it then and there (who cares about burning your tongue?), dry matzo will magically turn into floating balls, and of course there will be challah—a bread rightfully loved by Jews and gentiles alike.

Challah (the “ch” is guttural; think “holla!”) is a rich, eggy, slightly sweet bread similar to brioche.  It is traditionally braided, but it can also be baked in a loaf pan to use as sandwich bread.  Challah makes wonderful French toast, excellent bread puddings, and is awesome eaten out of hand.  As a bonus, it’s an excellent cure for “how did all of these eggs get in my refrigerator?” syndrome.

All of that to say…  Happy challah-days everyone!  Now let’s get baking.

P.S.  Shanah tovah to those ringing in the new year!

PICTURE ONE HERE

Homemade Challah

For dough:

½ cup warm water
2 teaspoons yeast
1 + 3 tablespoons sugar, divided
1 + 2 cups of bread flour, plus more for dusting
2 whole eggs, divided
2 egg yolks
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 – 2 teaspoons kosher salt

For egg wash:

1 whole egg
1 teaspoon water

Step One: Combine ½ cup warm water with 2 teaspoons yeast in the bowl of the stand mixer.  Add 1 tablespoon of sugar to the water and yeast.  Let sit until the yeast is foamy, about five minutes.

Step Two: Add 1 cup of bread flour to the yeast mixture, using your unattached dough hook as a “spoon” to combine the mixture.  Mix in 2 whole eggs and 2 egg yolks, then stir in 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil.

Step Three: Once the dough is a sticky, gloopy mess, attach the dough hook to the mixer.  Add the remaining 3 tablespoons of sugar and 1 – 2 teaspoons kosher salt to the mess, followed by 1 cup of bread flour.

Start the mixer on “stir” and let the dough mix until well combined, about 5 minutes; the dough will be sticky at this point.  Stop the mixer, then add the remaining 1 cup of bread flour.

Restart the mixer on “stir” and let the dough knead until it passes the “poke test” described in Step Five of this post.  When the dough cleans the side of the bowl and passes the poke test, turn it out onto the counter and form it into a ball.

Grease your mixing bowl with vegetable oil (or nonstick spray) before returning the dough to the bowl to rise.  Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let the dough rise until doubled, about 90 minutes.

Step Four: When the dough is doubled, punch it down.  Recover the bowl and let the dough rise until it doubles again.  After the second rise, punch the dough down again and form it into a ball.

Make an egg wash by combining 1 whole egg and 1 teaspoon water.

Step Five A (braided challah): Divide the ball into six (or three) evenly sized pieces.  Roll the pieces into 12 inch long ropes, then roll the ropes in bread flour to prevent sticking.

Pinch the ends of the ropes together to form something that looks like a six-bodied snake.

To make a six stranded braid, pick up the outermost left rope and place it over the two ropes to its right.

Then, guide the same rope of dough under the rope in the middle.

Finally, place the rope over the outermost two right ropes.  (My mantra: over two, under one, over two.)

Repeat the process, making sure to always start with the outermost left rope of dough.  (You can also just make your standard issue three-stranded braid.)

When you have no more dough to braid, squeeze the ends together and tuck them under the body of the loaf.

Place the loaf on a parchment- or nonstick baking mat-lined baking sheet (make sure the edges are tucked!), then brush with egg wash.  Cover with greased plastic wrap and preheat the oven to 375 F.

Step Five B (sandwich challah): Roll the dough up as described in the sandwich bread post.  Place the prepared dough into a greased 9 x 5-inch loaf pan, slash the dough as described in the previously linked sandwich bread post then brush with egg wash.

Loosely cover the pan with a greased piece of plastic wrap and preheat the oven to 375 F.

Step Six: Once the oven is hot and the dough has risen for 20 to 30 minutes, remove the plastic wrap and brush with another layer of egg wash.

Place either loaf in the center of the preheated oven and bake about 35 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped.

Let cool on a rack before cutting (or just tear off a hunk and have at it).

Makes 1 braided or 9×5-inch loaf.  L’chaim!

 

Michele Newell is a housewife turned blogger turned Home Ec 101 contributor.  You can read her near daily ramblings at Dreams Unreal.

Michelle had this post finished in a timely fashion and it was too good not to use. I was the one remiss in getting it published. I want to thank her and for all of you for your support during this time. I thought that for sure I’d be feeling more human by now. I thought that since we weren’t particularly close that I wouldn’t take it as hard as I did. I’m finding the opposite to be true. The guilt and grief are still as real as they were the day of the funeral, only now it’s time to begin to return to normal. I take great comfort in what Bruce Sallan told me on the phone the other day as we spoke about an upcoming event on suicide prevention: This too shall pass.

I also want to note that together with PostSecret and the Weiskopf family and Team Trey, that we managed to raise $50,000, enough to keep Iamalive around another year. To all who participated I say thank you, from the bottom of my very broken heart, thank you. And I wish we weren’t coming together over something terrible.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
CommentsWe're definitely trying this recipe this week. You make the ... by CarolineBeautiful challah! Someday I'll get my yeasted breads to look ... by AnaHow interesting! I'm guessing that the 5 eggs in the recipe may ... by Michele NewellAnd….Good end note Heather. by MattInteresting thing about Challah, for reasons that I'm sure are ... by MattRelated StoriesFrench Onion SoupGluten-Free Chicken MarsalaHomemade Mayonnaise  

How to Help Suicide’s True Victims

Phil (Heather’s manager at FeedBlitz) says:

This summer, I’ve had to watch two close friends endure the unfathomable grief of losing family members to suicide. Heather wrote movingly about the excruciating nature of Laura’s loss here and, as Connie pointed out yesterday this was not the first bereavement in Heather’s family this year. In another awful twist for me personally, my friend Anne Weiskopf and her family lost their 17 year old son, Jacob, a few weeks earlier when he, too, took his own life. It’s impossible for most of us to grasp what Laura and Jacob and their families were and are going through. Our hearts break as the devastation ripples through our friends and their families.

Heather and Connie have used their pain to provide tips and ideas for how you can have difficult conversations to make death and its aftermath, especially when unexpected, easier to manage. They have given to you.

But how should we care for Heather, Anne and their families? Death is one of the great taboos of western culture, and many of us are so poorly equipped to understand how to help those left behind. How do we help our friends through their agony?

Grieving for a child or lost sibling can take a lifetime. Initially, that grief can envelop the family in a mental fog – almost a fugue state, as Heather described it to me recently – and it makes it well-nigh impossible for them to function well. It’s not just unexpected tears; there may be flashes of fury, chronic insomnia, forgotten conversations and missed commitments. It might take them two hours just to find the right pair of shoes to go to the store in. And it’s all OK. You must cut them all the slack. Forgive every slight, social gaffe and painful moment. Their pain skews everything; suck it up and try to be kind.

Here’s the kicker. Ceremonies are not the end of the mourning for the family. They are the beginning. Funerals, wakes, sitting Shiva, memorials or whatever rituals your community performs are the time where we pay our respects to both the dead and, more importantly, to the living. We share anecdotes, pictures, songs; there are tears, and, yes, laughter too. Then, rituals performed, most people leave, duty done, back to the real world. At precisely the time when the family – suicide’s true victims – suddenly finds that the doing is largely done, and all that they have left now is endless time to contemplate their loss.

This is the most important time for you to step up, not away.

Everyone will at some point say, “Tell me what I can do for you” and the bereaved will nod – and you probably won’t hear from them. They mostly can’t. Grief comes with the emotions we expect – sadness, pride, survivor’s guilt, perhaps, with suicides and other unexpected deaths – and also with tons and tons and tons of pride.

Don’t wait for the phone call asking for help (and if you do get a call for help, by the way, the answer is “yes,” you drop everything, you do it, and you do it now).

No, instead, impose yourself on them. Pitch in. Don’t wait to be asked. Ask yourself instead what you can do, and then do it. For example:

1) Offer to babysit if the family has young children.


2) Give kids rides to and from school, the mall, sports practice, dance class, their friends’ houses, the movies.


3) Shop for them – “I’m at the store, what do you need?” is the perfect inquiry.


4) Be their chauffeur. It is hard and dangerous to drive when your brain is foggy with grief and your eyes full of unexpected tears because that song just came on the radio. Drive them to work, the store, the airport, church, the bank, the post office – wherever they need to go.


5) Cook. Fill their freezer and when it empties, fill it again. Buy a gift card to their favorite restaurant.


6) Clean it, wash it, fix it. Everything on this site, Home-Ec101.com? Do it for them. Coordinate with local pals and schedule.


7) Pop by; bring coffee. Be present and surround them with life and people. Visit – daily, if you’re close enough personally and emotionally. Set up a schedule. Arrange for friends from out of town to visit over time.


8) Out of town? Visit them, after the funeral. Take them out. Even party a little! It’s counter-intuitive and sometimes discomfiting to see, but they will need to reconnect with humanity and shed stress.


9) Share memories, photos, videos. Keep the “you are not alone” drumbeat up.


10) If they work for you (Hi, Heather), let them know it’s OK not to come in to work. That they have all the time they need. They should not feel pressured or guilty or God Forbid at risk of losing their job if they don’t show up. They will want to show up, mind you. And it’s going to be so hard for them to focus or be productive. Let them find their feet again over time.

At some point, all this imposition will be too much. When the survivors decline to come out, ask that maybe you visit later, request that you ease up on the food already, and start to do their own laundry – you can back off. That will be the time when the grief gets real and you simply need to be available to them when they need you. But this will be weeks or months after the funeral.

Which gets me back to Laura and Jacob.

This week is National Suicide Prevention week. Suicide’s true victims are the living left behind. But in the face of such darkness, we can shine a light. We – you – can save lives. If you can’t help Heather or Anne practically, please consider contributing to The Kristin Brooks Hope Center – funding an online chat-based suicide prevention service IMAlive.org. For young people; for women in abusive relationships, for those afraid or unable or unwilling to safely pick up the phone to ask for help, an online chat service is a great alternative to help them step back from the abyss.

If $50,000 is raised, the Kristin Brooks Hope Centre will be able to keep their chat service up and running 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, until next August. Currently, the total stands at just over $31,000, with a less than FOUR DAYS to go. Consider: If all of Heather’s Twitter followers gave $10, they’d crush that target.

No, we can’t know whether IMAlive would have helped Laura, or Jacob, or the million others a year suicide takes globally. But isn’t the chance of saving one life worth $10? The fund raising is run at Razoo.com, and we can organize communities into teams to help. Team Jacob, in memory of Anne’s son, has been up and running for several days. With Heather’s permission, I have created Team Laura in memory of her sister to unite her community around. Time is short, people. We need to do this. You need to do this.

• To give hope to women like Heather’s sister, Laura, please give to Team Laura here: http://www.razoo.com/story/Saving-Lives-Team-Laura/


• To give in memory of Anne’s son, Jacob, and help teenagers battling suicidal depression, please visit Team Jacob here http://www.razoo.com/story/Get-Punky-For-Team-Jacob

You must give by midnight eastern 9/15. Don’t wait. Please donate and share now.

Thank you.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
CommentsWe did it. Between the teams involved in the fund raising for ... by Phil Hollowshttps://www.imalive.org/ – if you need to talk online and, ... by Phil HollowsAll great comments. It's important to understand that I by no ... by phil hollowsI agree. I've attempted. Thank goodness I failed. But my brain ... by Mariannethank you so much for making this comment. i don't disagree ... by abbyPlus 22 more...Related ArticlesQuick Reply to the Bloggers Are Not Experts FussSunday Confessional: Coming Out of the Fog? Maybe.Death Happens, Plan for It  

Death Happens, Plan for It

Connie (Heather’s childrens’ Godmother):

A little over 18 months ago, my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I learned a few things and realized a few things in that experience that might be helpful to other people, and I’ve been writing this blog post in my head since then. When Heather’s step-sister died three and a half months ago, I again thought I should share this, but still I didn’t feel I’d found the right words. Now that we’ve gone through another round of death and grief with the death of Heather’s sister Laura, I realize I can’t put this off any longer. This won’t be the most well-written post on Home Ec 101, and it certainly won’t be a complete list, but here are a few things that might help all of us prepare just a bit for unexpected things in our lives. Leave your own helpful ideas in the comments. We can all learn from each other.

Note: these are not necessarily in order of priority. Choose what you can do now to help your family.

* Get a living will and a will in place for every member of the family who is over age 18. Share the details of these documents with your family now. Let them know where the documents are kept.

* Become an organ donor. Make your wishes known.

* Put your family’s and friends’ phone numbers in your cell phones and on a list at home on your fridge. When an emergency happens, it doesn’t matter that you’ve never had to call your sister at her workplace before. You need to have that phone number available. The same goes with local friends. In today’s age of Twitter and Facebook, many of us of a certain generation never speak on the phone, but we need to have the option. It’s also helpful to have this list on your fridge in case law enforcement ever has to enter your home while you were away. For that reason, make sure you put your own cell phone and work numbers on the list.

* Put these numbers in your cell phone and on the list on your refrigerator:

Poison Control 800-222-1222

I’m so serious about this. If your child swallows something, you do not want to waste precious seconds trying to find the number to poison control. Calling 911 in this case isn’t the best answer either. The people at Poison Control have the most complete information to help you in this situation. Go right now, this minute, and put these numbers in your cell phone.

National Suicide Prevention Hotlines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Let’s pray we never have the need to use these numbers, but let’s have them at our fingertips just in case.

* Don’t let your car’s gasoline tank get near empty. If you have an emergency and have to get to the hospital immediately, whether to take a patient there or to try to make it there to say goodbye to somebody before it’s too late, you do not have time to fill up the tank along the way. This is a habit we all can start now.

* Similarly, don’t wait until the last minute to pay your bills. If you’re holding vigil for several days in a hospital, you don’t want to have to worry about coming home to utilities that have been turned off.

* Refill your prescriptions in a timely manner, so that you always have several days’ worth of medication available.

* Give a trusted family member or friend a key to your house and perhaps also your car. Be willing to be that person for others as well.

* If you have school-aged children, have at least two people in addition to parents listed as authorized to pick them up in an emergency in case you are unable to.

* If you have pets, discuss with your local friends and family who could take care of them in an emergency if you were unavailable. Go out of your way to offer to do this for your friends who have pets, because they may not be thinking ahead the way we’re trying to do.

* Even more importantly, if you have children, decide now who at least two people are who can care for them if you are unavailable for a period of time.

* Keep a pad of paper, two pens, and a pencil in your car’s glove box. They’ll be there when you need them, whether that’s because you were in a minor fender bender and need to exchange information with the other driver, or because you get that emergency call about your mom’s being taken to the hospital by ambulance and you need to write down details so you can call your sister in that town and tell her correct information about which hospital to go to.

* Does everybody in your house own funeral-appropriate attire in his or her current clothing size? I’m not necessarily suggesting we go out and buy clothes, but I do think if we take a moment to take inventory, that will help us prepare should the need arise. At least you’ll know ahead of time.

* Stay on top of the laundry. When my mom died, I was an hour and a half away from my home, and that home was 8 hours away from Mom’s home. I had to drive home, pack in just a few minutes, and get back on the road to drive to Tennessee. It helped tremendously to go into a closet full of clean and neatly put away clothes from which to choose while I packed, because trust me, I wasn’t thinking straight by that point.

* Know where your suitcases are. Unpack them and put them away when you get back from your trips so that you know where they are if you need them in a hurry. If your suitcases don’t have a designated home where you always store them, then assign one to them now and put them there each time.

* If there are people who depend on your income, get life insurance. Stay at home parents should be covered as well. Consider getting life insurance outside of your workplace benefits, because if you leave your job for any reason, your benefits will end. Even if nobody depends on your income and you’re not a stay at home parent in a two-parent household, consider getting at least enough life insurance to cover your funeral costs if you don’t have the financial resources for your estate to cover those expenses.

* Don’t put off saying what needs to be said. None of us is promised tomorrow. Pick up the phone and call the person you haven’t spoken to but have been meaning to, or write a letter and put it in the mail today. Life is short, and I’ve seen regret eat away at friends for years because their loved ones died before they mended fences. Reach out now so you don’t regret it later.

* Share this list with somebody, because sometimes it’s hard to start these conversations, and it’s okay if we use a post on a website to start the dialogue.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
CommentsYou're right, Marie. One of the last gifts a parent can give a ... by ConnieOh, Karen, I am so very sorry. Thank you for taking the time to ... by ConnieMy grandmother left a trust for her 3 grandkids. The way it is ... by caseyIf there are people who depend on your income, get life ... by caseyYes, Yes! This is my mantra to my friends who seem to be afraid ... by MariePlus 11 more...Related ArticlesQuick Reply to the Bloggers Are Not Experts FussSunday Confessional: Coming Out of the Fog? Maybe.How to Help Suicide’s True Victims  

Personal and Off Topic: Death, Organ and Tissue Donation, and Grief

Heather says:

I am raw, grief stricken, and barely functional right now. Please bear with disjointed thoughts and truly awful [worse than usual] grammar. I need to get this out before I have to step back into the everyday. I needed to share the story before the details become muddled by time.

Thursday morning I was enjoying a cup of coffee in those few precious moments I have before I had to get my children up and ready for our ridiculously over-packed weekday routine.

I had left my phone in my room by my bed, but saw a message from my mother on Facebook Messenger: “CALL CALL CALL NOW NOW”

My heart dropped, it was 5:15am.

I learned that my sister shot herself and that she was being taken to the hospital that she wasn’t going to make it.

Save this number in your phone. Use it when you or somebody needs it. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255. (800-273-TALK)

— Heather Solos (@HeatherSolos) August 23, 2013

I prayed she would hang on until I could get there.

She did. Wonderful friends welcomed me into their home. I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

At the hospital we sobbed. We waited. We watched as tubes were attached and detached. Bandages changed. Medications adjusted.

There is no hope we were told. Well wishers from around the world offered prayers, shoulders, and ears to hear. Family gathered.

Tears were shed. Old grudges dropped. Hands were held.

Wait they said, there is no hope they said, wait through the weekend they said.

Time slowed. There was talking and sobbing and a profound silence marked only with the hiss of the respirator.

I was reminded of my astronomy courses: Time slows in close proximity to a gravitational field. Time also slows in the face of grief.

We faced Schrodinger’s cat and became Billy Pilgrim:

All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.

I was only at that hospital for 5 days, but lifetimes were lived. People don’t age overnight, they age as they wait for news, they age as they struggle with choices. I am a thousand years older than I was on Thursday morning at 5:14am.

The weekend passed and second opinions were given. There was no hope. Bullets are not the same as blunt force trauma. Bullets shred, break apart, and destroy tissue that will not recover. They rip apart neural pathways that define your perception, your very existence.

They sometimes leave other parts untouched, leaving questions to answer that I hope no one needs to consider in that mindset.

Choosing to be an organ donor gives you the chance to give life to those who may not otherwise have a chance.

If you choose to be an organ donor, your responsibility does not end with the check of that box. You need to make your wishes known. Not every traumatic death results in brain death. In those cases it is cut and dry. Were they an organ donor? Yes. The team is organized, forms are filled out, goodbyes are said, and the chances for others are given.

When a loved one will not survive, but is not brain dead, the decisions get harder.

Did you know that from cessation of life support that cardiac death must happen in less than sixty minutes for organs to be viable?

Did you know that all of the matches must be lined up before the decision to remove life support can be carried out? (did you know it is REALLY FREAKING HARD to not accidentally use a morbid turn of phrase right now)

Did you know that in that time, there is a family blinded by grief being told to decide, now wait, now decide, she’s eligible, she’s not eligible, now wait. They want to do the right thing, to make good come from a horrible tragedy, to give a gift so others won’t be in a hospital room sobbing as their own loved one slips away. But that decision can be excruciating when drug out over time.

Be aware that if you check that box, you need to also have a living will that defines your quality of life expectations. What exactly would you define as unbearable? Don’t assume your family knows. We know what Laura wanted, but in that moment where other people were asking our decision we kept asking, were we making the right choice? Were we absolutely sure that this is what was the right thing.

And so we would decide and then there would be another hurdle another decision, a chance for a little misinformation and a little hope and a lot of confusion.

In the end, after it was confirmed that we would not make it through that misleadingly tiny window of time, I felt like a monster saying, “Please send in the respiratory therapist, we cannot bear this any longer.”

And we said goodbye. And we spent three hours dropping old hurts and embracing one another in this hurt that overshadowed them all. And being my strong, stubborn little sister, she took her time.

We laughed that she took forever to get ready to go anywhere, why should this be different. We sobbed when we thought the fight was over for her, but she had one last gift to give. Her oxygen saturation dropped to zero, we cried, we prayed and braced ourselves and  then we began to tell stories of her as a child. Memories, funny, sweet, and sad poured forth as her heart continued to beat.

The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.


When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in the particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is “So it goes.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Slaughterhouse Five

Peace settled over the room.

And for another two hours, we just were, as she drifted peacefully away.

There are many more tears to shed. There are details to attend to and grief to be felt.

While I work  on those things, take a moment to meet my baby sister, and please spare your family this pain by having the difficult conversations in the light of day. Choose to give life. Laura is a tissue donor and hopefully many people will live fuller lives through her generosity. She would like that.

Peace be with you.

Copyright Home-Ec101.com 2007-2012

               
CommentsMy deepest condolences. My stepdad comitted suicide this past ... by JessiWhat a tragedy. I am so sorry. For your pain, for your immense ... by AlexandraI had no idea, Heather. I am so very sorry for your loss. ... by Aimee Wimbush-Bourquethank you so much for sharing ı like it this site. by Antalya-KameraI found myself here through a completely random web search ... by KristenPlus 30 more...Related ArticlesQuick Reply to the Bloggers Are Not Experts FussSunday Confessional: Coming Out of the Fog? Maybe.How to Help Suicide’s True Victims