Terri D.'s Blog

Reasons why

    In the past 6 months I have been reminded time and time again that everything happens for a reason. When it's happening you may not understand the why but rest assured if you're paying attention eventually the reason why will be revealed to you. 

    Typically when we're asking why it's because something bad or painful has occurred and we want to know why we're being punished etc. Trust me over the years I've asked a lot why's. I guess I'm at the point in my life were I can finally see or stop and pay attention to the answers to my whys. 

    People come into your life for a reason and unfortunately people also leave your life for a reason.  Sometimes the reason is about you and sometimes it's about them.

    Sometimes the answer to the why doesn't come and it's in those moments that it can be real easy to get stuck in that dark place of wondering. I'm here to encourage you to break out of that cycle by focusing on all of the good why's that happen everyday that we never seem to question or spend much time thinking about.  We simply take all the good stuff for granted. 

    You applied for a job and didn't get it. You may ask why not me? A little while later an even better opportunity presents itself and you are so overjoyed that you never take the time to consider that you didn't get the 1st job because something better was waiting for you a little further down the road.

    Maybe you met someone who you thought was the love of your life. You gave them your all, the very best of you and ultimately they decided you were not the one for them. It's painful trust me I know but in the end you must realize that sometimes the pain we feel is necessary in order to set up us for something even greater down the road. 

    For those rolling their eyes let me challenge you to think about it this way.  If bad things continue to happen to you and you never get the "good" things or the reasons why maybe you might need to change some things in your life. I'm not expert here just a woman who's sharing her thoughts based on my experiences. With that said when I found myself stuff in a never ending cycle of bad experiencing where the whys were not adding up I had to look at myself and ask some tough questions. What decisions am I making? Who's in my circle? Where am I placing my energy? There's so many more questions that can be asked depending on the circumstances. The point is to try to focus on the positive energy and not get stuck dwelling in the negative energy. If you do find yourself in a negative energy cycle for an extended period of time it might be time to reboot. 

    Rebooting means different things to different people. For me it means I need some time alone to sit with my thoughts and maybe write in my journal, create something a new book cover or start a new project. What works for me may not work for you but it's important to know yourself well enough to know what you need and when you need it. 

    2023 is the year of self care for me. That doesn't mean I'm being selfish it simply means that I am making an intentional effort to pay attention to my needs while doing what I can for others. If you need some help with finding your whys or how to reboot visit my website www.authorterrid.com

Flow State

 

I think the weight of the past two weeks is finally catching up to me. My mom was in the hospital and it was a very stressful time for me. She is home now and doing well. She’s back to her normal routine after what seemed like a life changing experience. She needed oxygen to breath and ultimately a blood transfusion to bring her blood levels up to where they needed to be.

During her hospitalization I was responsible for many things that I don’t typically handle, my schedule wasn’t mine at all.  I was at the mercy of what everyone else needed from me. It wasn’t necessarily a problem since I like to help people but I guess now that I’ve had a minute to sit back, relax and think about everything I’m exactly where I always end up. Wondering who takes care of the person who takes care of everyone else? First and foremost I must be vigilant in my efforts to do everything I can to manage my own selfcare. I feel that I usually do but there are times when I need to be reminded that I also need a break.

A month ago I proudly proclaimed that in 2023 I wouldn’t be doing anything that I didn’t want to do. Well mom got sick and that went straight out of the window. Everyday I did many things that I would have liked to have said NO to but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to let mom down. Mom is the one person that I never want to disappoint. Trust me I have many times in my life and I’m sure there will be more disappointments because that’s life but I do try my best to not disappoint mom.

Please don’t mistake any of these words as complaining about anything. I truly am grateful for each and every day that I wake up. No my life isn’t perfect but who’s is? I’m happy with my life, I love my job, I love my apartment. School is going well this semester. Whew last semester and that math class almost took me out ya’ll. My current class which is called life by design is awesome.  It’s exactly what I need right now. Each week we are challenged to read or watch videos about various topics and then relate them to ourselves. It’s really about discovering who you are and who you want to be. It’s been great to go through the exercises and really ponder and meditate on the questions.

This brings me to my next point which is about how I am constantly reminded of how great God is. We often go through life missing all of the little special things or miracles that happen to us or around us but I am making a concerted effort to pay attention. Things and even people come into my life it seems to bring me something or a lesson that I needed to learn.  This cannot all be coincidence can it? I mean if it happens once or maybe twice I guess you could say yeah it’s just a coincidence. What about if it’s happened time and time again? So many times that you’ve lost count? Is that still coincidence? Everyone has their opinions but I know it’s not and that is why I am so thankful. That is why I have become so much more aware of those little things that just seem to happen and we don’t recognize them.

I started this tonight as a part of an exercise for my class. Writing is one of the things that brings me joy or as we’re discussing in my class this week it puts me in my “flow state.” When I’m writing whether it’s a journal entry, a blog post, or a fiction story I am in my zone. I can sit and write for hours at a time not realizing how much time has passed. All I need is a journal and a pen or a computer and a quiet room or my favorite CD which happens to be one by Dudley Moore, the soundtrack from my favorite movie Six Weeks. It’s classical piano music which takes me to a place that is hard to describe to others. Most people that I know wouldn’t understand it but that’s the beauty of it. It’s mine, my flow state so no one else is supposed to get it. Everyone has their own thing. This is mine. This is where I am my absolute happiest is when I’m writing. This is my “Flow State.”

Changing Seasons

 

    This beautiful tree is a daily reminder to me that I am not the only person or thing going through a change of seasons right now.  Just as the leaves change from green to beautiful vibrant colors I too am embracing the changes that are occurring now and the ones still yet to come.

   Learning to live alone again is going well, in fact I love my new space. It is exactly the environment I needed for the metamorphosis that is occurring within me.  My new space is quiet, serene and has beautiful views of nature that I can enjoy from inside the comfort of my home.  I am NOT an outdoorsy person.  I chose the word metamorphosis on purpose as it means "a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means." My transformation is internal, more mental than physical. It's the rebirth of the person I once was with some new additions based on lessons learned. I firmly believe that we should be on a continuous journey of learning, growing and changing so I am embracing it. 

    I am a work in progress.  Working towards focusing on what I can change within myself, not others. The Serenity prayer is my mantra on the difficult days:

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the thing I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Managing my time between surrounding myself with my circle of family and friends who provide me with the support, feedback and motivation I need to make these changes. As well as the needed time alone to process all of the feelings and emotions that come along with such a major transformation. 

    Winter is the time for rest and hibernation to rebuild for the coming spring and I cannot make any promises or predictions but I'm thinking that something beautiful and refreshed, revitalized will emerge after the cold long days of winter. Stay tuned to see.

Also I have recently published the sequel to Passport Wife which is titled Love Lessons.

If you're wondering what became of the Passport Wife? She learned from some valuable Love Lessons.  Order your copy today. Click the link below.

 https://www.amazon.com/Love-Lessons-Terri-D/dp/B0BHMV362W/ref=sr_1_1?crid=21K29V1G9RSJB&keywords=Love+Lessons+by+Terri+D&qid=1666057259&s=books&sprefix=love+lessons+by+terri+d%2Cstripbooks%2C99&sr=1-1

Life Lessons

 Hello everyone,

Whew it's been a long minute since I addressed you all.  I'm like a bear I hibernate in the winter lol. The weather is finally getting nice and I'm back with some very exciting news.  My publishing company, TDUB Publishing is putting together two anthologies. The theme is life lessons.  Mature ladies can share yours with the younger ladies and the same goes for the men. The world is changing but we should continue to listen to and pay attention to the advice from our elders.  They do know a little something about life.  

You do not have to be a writer to share your story or life lessons.  Just sit down and start typing something that you wish you had  known before or wish someone had told you about. It can be about relationships, parenting, work, school, basically anything you want.  The stories can be serious or humorous. The point is to just share what you've learned along this journey called life and maybe you can help someone else out along the way. If you're shy you can remain anonymous if you chose to.  

We are accepting submissions for the entire month of June so get to writing and submit yours as soon as possible.

I look forward to reading all of your submissions.  Any questions email me at AuthorTerriD@gmail.com

  

New Beginnings

 Hey Ya'll

After a much needed mental health and self-care break I am back.  Did ya'll miss me? I missed you all :-)

I needed some time to figure out my life and oh what a journey it was.  By the way I figured out that figuring out your life is literally a life long process. So the journey continues. I'm such a caring & giving person so it's hard for me to focus on me let alone only focus on me for a period of time BUT it was needed and boy did it really help. Self-care is a must for everyone from time to time.  My self-care included full body massage, chair massage, reiki (Oh my what an awesome experience), a spiritual reading, some nutritional counseling and some good old fashion clear your head and process your real emotions counseling. 

Anyway I'm back and I'm in a much better place than I was 3 months ago.  I've made some big decisions and I am moving forward with those full steam ahead. First major change that is coming is that I am moving.  Leaving my house where I have lived for the past 24 years. Talk about scary. Yikes is the only way I can describe this feeling. The move is less than 2 weeks away and as I continue to pack my things I'm nervous about what lies ahead but I know that things will be okay. Next I decided to change my major from Spanish to Family & Human Development. This is more in line with my future life goals. That and I wasn't really interested in all of the Spanish literature that was in my future. Change is good and I'm pressing onward.

So what's next? Like everyone else I am trying to adjust to this new normal I guess. Things are so different now, not better or worse just different. My writing will continue and my current project is very personal.  Stay tuned for more on this in the coming months. As for this blog it will also continue but it's going to be a little different. Details forthcoming. 

Everyone stay safe and I'll be in touch.

A reason, a season or a Lifetime

 

Friends first I want to thank you all for your support over the past few years. It has meant a lot to me.  Many of you have followed my story and been a part of this journey with me. I have always been transparent with you about this process, and I choose not to stop now.  I titled this post A reason a season or a lifetime because it’s the title of one of my favorite poems. I’ll share it here with you in case you’ve never read it.

Reason, Season, of Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a seasonbecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real, BUT only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

I am coming out of a season. The past 4 ½ years has been a special season. I took an early retirement in 2017 and spent a lot of time in the Dominican Republic with my love whom I married that same year.  Many of you have kept up with our story after we got married as I chronicled my experiences living there as a Dominican housewife. When I returned to the states to work in 2019 you all hung in there with me as I chronicled our fight for his visa and struggled with being apart from him. Then the pandemic hit in early 2020 and we were forced to be apart for 16 months. We waited patiently and prayed for a positive response to the papers hubby submitted in August of 2020.  Finally on May 14th of this year his visa was approved and on May 28th he arrived.

Well friends I am deeply sorry to report that team Martinez is no longer together. Although we had lived together before things are quite different here and after only 6 weeks hubby decided to leave. I believe that for him I was a reason. I have gone back and forth with my feelings about everything. I am still very hurt and disappointed in this outcome. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and honestly, I just wished he’d given us a little more time to work the kinks out. But we are where we are at this point. Ultimately, we were two different people who wanted different things. The reality is that people love differently due to many factors and in the end our differences have led us to this outcome.  Although I’m hurt and disappointed I am trying to focus on the good.  I had the time of my life these past few years. It’s an experience I will never forget.  The past few weeks have been full of many emotions for us both.  I can finally say that we’ve made peace with our decisions. My wounds will eventually heal, and I’ll be inspired to write again but for right now I’m taking a little hiatus from this blog and writing in general.  I’ll be back hopefully in the fall with something new. Thanks again for your support.

Weak

 Week # 4 

I titled this post weak because that's how I am feeling, weak. There's just so much to adjust to for us both. Coming out of the pandemic and being isolated for a year has also added a layer of complexity to this situation.  Anyway this week we experienced some new discoveries and realizations.  We added to our workout room.  He and my friends husband worked most of the day on Saturday putting together his new home gym. That was very entertaining for me since neither of them speaks the others language lol. They were able to figure it out though. This keeps him busy for a couple of hours after work each day so it's a win for me.

I introduced him to the Hershey outlets and well that lead to my realization that my husband is a shopaholic. He arrived with 2 pairs of shoes and now has at least 20.  I still have more than that so it's all good.  

We were both pleasantly surprised that 4 weeks to the day of his arrival his permanent resident card arrived.  We both breathed a sigh of relief and it was cause for celebration so we did.  Here's hubby sporting his USA shirt. 
He got his first full paycheck and of course didn't understand all of the taxes so that was fun trying to explain that to him lol. 
Most days he enjoys work and he loves being able to use the exercise equipment here at the house.  We've also added a couple of chairs and an umbrella to the small deck off our bedroom so we can sit out there in the mornings or evenings. I've had that deck for almost 15  years and never sat out there before.
We're both still being stretched outside of our comfort zones in so many ways.  It's just about what I expected it to be. Yes he works all of my nerves at times and I'm pretty sure I return that favor to him but at the end of the day we are still Team Martinez. 
Our next adventure is this coming weekend, we are hosting a couple of his friends for the weekend. This next post is going to be a good one. I'm sure you won't want to miss it.  

There's no place like home

 Week 3

Right on schedule hubby is starting to miss home and all things familiar to him. Although I understand and try not to take it personally sometimes it's hard. Especially when I think about all we went through to get him here. I've lived in both places and there are things I like about both places but this is my home. So I get it. There are plenty of things he likes about being here but at the end of the day there's no place like home. Here's a collage of pictures of both houses.  The top two are the house in the Dominican Republic and the bottom one is the house here in PA. 

Since I lived there with him for a period of time I knew ahead of time some of the things that would be different and more difficult for him to adjust to.  For example my neighborhood is very quiet. There is absolutely nothing quiet about the neighborhood there. The houses are very close together and everyone yells across the street to each other day and night. I can go weeks without seeing my neighbors close enough to speak to them.

My husband knows basically everyone in Puerto Plata. As he sat outside on our porch there was a constant stream of Dominican greetings. When I see my neighbor I honk my car horn and or wave. Occasionally we might ask how are you doing? Everyone stays in their houses or yards here.  He's always asking me where are the people when we drive down the streets here.  He's accustomed to more people being on the streets, literally walking along the roads etc. 

So week three was a difficult week for us both. As he's been getting more comfortable in the house my comfort zones have been challenges. I'm a bit anal or obsessive compulsive about how things should be so I've had to work through some things.  I've given up on my living room not being lived in as it seems to be his favorite place to hang out.  Thank goodness we learned how to communicate during the pandemic because we are both works in progress as I like to say.  Although at times we face challenges or have differences of opinions we still find a way to talk through things eventually to resolution. 

This past weekend we went on another road trip.   We went to visit my family in Maryland and we also did a mini tour of Washington, DC with a brief visit to Virginia due to a wrong turn LOL. We visited Black Lives Matter Blvd and got as close to the White House as they allow right now.  Here's a picture of us by the White House. 

He also got a chance to visit with a friend of his from his hometown who now lives in Maryland very close to my family.  Our road trip was a success and I love how happy is always is to return home.

Let's see what week #4 will bring. Stay tuned friends for more from team Martinez.

Milestones

 Week #2

The most important thing we did this past week was take communion together for the first time since we've been married.  Although it was done virtually it was still very special. Although he doesn't understand everything he listens to my pastors sermons and  he says that he can tell that he's a very dynamic and impactful pastor.  All of which is very true.

We're settling in to an offbeat rhythm.  I say off beat because there's still so much to figure out in this process. Big changes for us both and we both knew it wouldn't be all rainbows and unicorns. We're both making adjustments and trying to find our new normal.  Of course there's some frustrations at times on both our parts but we do still talk through things and try to compromise or just agree to disagree.  He's already working which I think is helping a lot. He is accustomed to being very active. Sitting around the house all day isn't his thing.

Since he's been here the weather has been a bit bipolar. We've been as low as the 40's and as high as the 90's. All within a 14 day timespan.  In general he's cold no matter what the temperature is outside because when it's hot outside I have the air on in the house. In this picture it was actually 90 degrees outside and he's dressed in long pants and long sleeve shirt.  On this particular day we ventured out to the local park and also rode around the neighborhood a bit.  He actually drove which was pretty scary for me lol. If you've ever been to the Dominican Republic you know that lanes, stop lights and signs mean absolutely nothing there.  He's got a lot to learn about how we drive here. 

Last week was the last week for the parenting classes which are facilitated by Life Esteem.  I work as the site coordinator there and hubby went along with me the last night to help me get the site shut down for the summer. It was nice to have him there cheering me on from the sidelines as I cleaned (rolls eyes) BUT he did take the trash out for me. 

There are so many little things to take care of but things are moving along. I was pleasantly surprised that his SS Card arrived 10 days after he did. Wow that was fast.  We opened our first joint account another milestone for us.  Our first overnight trip this past weekend.  We went to Kalahari in the Poconos for my grandson's birthday.  It was quite the adventure.  I think we were both a little overwhelmed by the number of people there and nobody was wearing masks. He was pleasantly surprised to find that there were many Spanish speaking guests and workers there.  We actually met a young man who just arrived here in the USA the same day Raulin did. Neither of us was comfortable participating in any of the waterpark activities. He did enjoy himself in the arcade though.  All in all it was a good trip but we were both happy to be back home. 

He continues to be shocked by how expensive things are here.  We finally made it to the cell phone store to figure his phone out.  Fortunately we were able to just get him a new phone number and didn't have to buy a new phone.  The one he has is only a couple of months old.  We did have to buy a new screen protector and he had sticker shock when he saw the prices.  

I think this week he really started to miss home a little more.  I know how he feels.  There are so many little things that you never really thought about before that you miss once they're gone.  So many little things that we take for granted in life.  

This past week had some challenges but we figured things out. Our next adventure will be this coming weekend. We're going to Maryland to visit my family there.  Stay tuned for more from the Martinez's 

 

He's finally here YAY!!!

 Written on May 28th, 2021

Today is the beginning of something new and exciting in my life.  For the past 907 days I have been alive, but I have not been living.  Each day I would wake up and thank God for allowing me to see another day and then I would also pray that this would be the day that would change everything. 907 days ago was the date of our first interview at the embassy for my husbands visa. The process had moved smoothly up until this point.  We were prepared and my expectation was that I would return to the United States for the Christmas holiday with my husband by my side. As it turns out we would spend our 2nd Christmas as a married couple apart. Our thought at the time is that it would only be this one Christmas apart and we could handle it.  As it turns out we have missed three Christmas’, 2 anniversaries and some birthdays too.

Until you wake up everyday with the hope that this would be the day only to sit on the side of the bed each night disappointed you could not understand this pain. Although I had 907 disappointing days, I still remained prayerful that the answer will come the next day.  About a year and a half ago I had a breakthrough. I knew that there was a purpose in my wait. I made peace with it and my prayers became different.  Each day I still thanked God for allowing me to have another day and I continued to remind myself that in the end his will would be done, whatever that was.  My prayer was that he give me the strength to endure whatever the answer was.  I prayed for strength and peace.

I didn’t recognize it at the time, but my prayers were answered on a regular basis.  Whenever I felt too weak to carry on somehow, I found the strength.  In the middle of so many terrible storms I found peace.  Now being reunited with my husband is the ultimate peace.  I honestly did not realize how heavy the burden was of us being separated.  I feel at least 25 pounds lighter now (if only the scale reflected that too LOL)

He’s finally here and it’s difficult to put into words how I feel.  I’m so very happy and he is excited also.

What’s next?  Stay tuned for more.