Terri D.'s Blog, page 2

A new journey begins

 So he's finally here, like right here in the house with me. OMG I'm so happy, I feel so blessed. I've been smiling a lot and staring at him like a creep LOL.  I find myself wondering, is this real or am I dreaming?

Okay so it's real because  my space has been invaded BUT this is a welcomed intruder AND I've been mentally preparing for this for the past three years.  We've lived together before so he's familiar with my crazy BUT I fear that  my United States crazy is a little different than my Dominican Republic crazy.  I guess time will tell.  I will say that the wait and what we've been through the past year has given me an entirely different perspective on life in general.  There are so many things that I've decided to just let go because it's just not worth the fight. I feel that we've lost so much time waiting for this journey that I don't want to waste any minutes on things that just don't matter.  Sure there will be disagreements, there always are but we will figure it out. 

1 week in.....

So things are going well for the most part. I'm sure he's experiencing a lot more newness and discomfort than I am right now.  I am trying my best to be sensitive to that. Although we lived together before it's different here because for example he's an early bird. He is always up by 7 am.  I like to sleep until at least 8 when I don't have to work.  This was not an issue when I was there because he could get up and go and do whatever he wanted and leave me alone to sleep.  Here it's a bit different. He can't go anywhere yet and he's still learning the house and how things work so he kinda needs me to be up and assisting him.

A funny to share.  I have a pocket door in my bathroom. Apparently he's never experienced a door that slides side to side versus push or pull.  So he went into the bathroom and I closed the door behind him.  When he was ready to exit he couldn't figure out how to open the door.  After rolling around on the bed laughing hysterically for a minute or so I finally helped him and opened the door. 

Many things are different, door knobs, light switches and faucets all work a little differently here. The first few days were a little dicey but one week in and I think he's mastered all of those things.  His absolute favorite thing, besides me of course is the shower. He likes the different settings for the water and also being able to change the temperature of the water is new for him.

The first time he saw a rabbit in the yard was pretty funny as well. He knows what they are but was surprised to see so many of them hopping around the yard.  He turns to me and says "Bueno comida". I laugh and say "No we don't eat those here, well at least not in this house.". He's also pretty amazed by the squirrels.  I'm not sure he's seen those before of if he's just surprised at how many there are.  He enjoys watching them chase each other around the yard. 

He loves the house in general but especially the enclosed patio and the deck off of the master bedroom. Those seem to be his favorite places to be when he's not watching the NBA finals. 

He has already started working and  he has started one official home improvement project, painting the deck.   

He has plans to do many other things around the house and I am all for it. The house is in decent shape but could use a little TLC. 
On Memorial Day we had a few family members over and cooked out on the grill.  It was so nice having a real grill master here instead of me trying to do it all.  



I'm still floating on cloud nine and am looking forward to an enjoyable summer season with my hubby here with me.  One our first planned outings is coming up next week.  We are going to a waterpark for my grandsons birthday.  Stay tuned for more from the Martinez's.

Time

 After being apart for 484 days I was finally able to go visit my husband last week.  This photo is my favorite one from that visit.

I was very excited, anxious and nervous about the trip. I felt worried that so much time had passed that we've both become different people and maybe we wouldn't like each other anymore. When speaking with a friend of mine I told her that it felt like I was going to meet the guy I've been video chatting with for the past 16 months for the first time.  

I'm happy to report that all was well.  It was as if time had stood still for us.  I mean yes we're both a little different, heck we all are due to the pandemic but the things that drew us together before were all still there.  One thing I have learned through all of this is that life is too short and that time is precious.  I made a pact with myself to be present in the moment while I was with my husband.  Not to worry about anything except what was happening right then.  It's really not an easy thing to do but I gave it my best shot.

One afternoon the following words came to me and I jotted them down:

Time is something we lose without realizing it until it's too late.

We think we have time until suddenly we're out of time.

When time is gone you can't get it back.

Making up for lost time is like a mirage, it isn't real.

You're using up new time thinking it's replacing time you've already lost.

We waste a lot of time worrying, arguing or fighting about things in the past (time that's already gone)

instead of being present in the moment (the now time that will quickly become a past time).

Sometimes  you decide you've spent enough time and there's no more time to give.

Maybe one day you'll wish you had given it just a little more time.

Or you'll waste time thinking about the missed time.

How many times have you wished for just one more time?

Or maybe you've said "I ain't got time" or

Told someone "This is the last time..."

Maybe it's time to use time more consciously?

Be present in this moment in time as it's literally the only time you KNOW you have right now.

My time with my husband is such precious time because we never know when we will get more time. We remain prayerful that his visa paperwork will be processed soon now that the embassy is open again. For those of you who have been praying for us throughout this very long process we thank you for your prayers and encouraging words.

I encourage you to take some time and think about how you are spending your time.

I Remember You

To the little girl who prayed every night for her father to live with her and her mommy

I remember you

To the little girl who always felt alone and wanted a little brother or sister

I remember you

To the little girl who wanted her father to keep his promise just once and show up

I remember you

To the little girl who loved to sing and dance

I remember you

To the young teenager whose body changed so quickly while your emotions and thoughts struggled to keep up

I remember you

To the teenager who craved the love she never felt from her father and found all the wrong things at such a young age

I remember you

To the teenager who was brave and left home at 14 to attend all girls boarding school

I remember you

To the young woman who graduated in the top of her class after struggling to catch up

I remember your struggle

To the young woman who wanted to change the world and make a difference but got sidetracked

I remember you

and I still believe in you

To the young wife who struggled to provide the safe loving environment you craved as a young girl to your newborn son

I remember you

and I supported your efforts

To the single mother who vowed to survive and give her son the best possible life

I remember you

and I supported and applaud you

To the young wife again who tried to make the best of all the challenging situations that came you way

I remember you and

I believe in you and

I know you did your very best

To the single again mother who struggled to keep the kids on the right path but succeeded in spite of all the challenges to get them all across the stage on time

I remember you and

I applaud you

To the professional woman who literally started from the ground and worked her way up breaking barriers and leaving your mark

I remember you and

I am so very proud of you

To the woman I am today I am so very proud to have been on this journey with you.

I have lived

I have laughed

I have cried

I have learned and

I have loved every moment of my journey.

I vow to always remember you.

Count Your Blessings

 

My first post of 2021.  Sorry it’s taken me so long, but I needed a minute to collect my thoughts. The past year has been quite a challenge for most of us. Coming to terms with this new lifestyle hasn’t been easy. No matter who or where you are you have been impacted in some way by the pandemic. Many have lost loved ones, jobs or are mourning their prior way of life.  For those of you who have lost loved ones my heartfelt condolences go out to you.

During times of crisis like this it is easy to focus on all of the bad things happening to or around us. This post is titled Count Your Blessings because I am suggesting that instead of focusing on what is missing or what we can no longer do, let’s take a moment to celebrate what we have.  First and foremost if you are reading this message then you are still among the living.  That is absolutely something worth celebrating. Every morning when I wake up the first thing, I do is thank God for giving me another day to try my best to make a difference.

My BFF Maria gave me this jar in the picture this past Christmas and I absolutely love it.  It’s in my office on my desk so that each day I am reminded to count my blessings.  It came with little cards some with pre written sayings on them but with blank cards so you can write your own as well. I do realize that many people are having a very hard time right now. This past year has been one of the most challenging of my lifetime. I am not suggesting that you just get over it by any means. My point is to not stay there in that place focusing on the bad things. It isn’t a good place to live. Trust me there are days when it is very difficult for me to get myself motivated to get out of bed to face the day. We all have those days from time to time.  Maybe over the past year we’ve all had a few more than usual. In any case I’m simply suggesting that you try to find the light in your situation no matter how dark it may seem. 

For example I am very sad everyday about being away from my husband. I haven’t seen him in person since December of 2019. I sometimes struggle with what could possibly be the light in this dark situation. Well one day it occurred to me that communication is one of the most difficult things to master in most relationships. All my husband and I have to connect to one another is our cell phones. We can only text and video call. Our ability to communicate has greatly improved because it’s all we have.  All those little things that usually annoy me aren’t so annoying anymore. I no longer take for granted any interaction with those I love because this past year has taught me that life is so very precious and in some cases way too short.  Don’t take any moments for granted.  Tell the ones you love today how you feel.  Also remember to take a few moments out of your day and simply count your blessings. 

We’re not out of the woods yet with the pandemic and we all still need to remain vigilant. Continue to follow the guidance from our leaders to stay safe. Practice self-care. Pay attention to your emotions and those around you as well.  Seek help if you feel you need it.  Try to stay busy and remember we're all in this together.  I appreciate you all for taking time to read this and it is my goal to post more frequently

4402 My Christmas Eve Story

 

My Christmas story starts from my earliest memories as a child.  I had no idea then how impactful and significant those memories would be. My fondest memories are of the many years I spent at 4402 (picture enclosed) with my family. 

We all gathered at my Nana and GDaddy’s house every year on Christmas Eve. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can smell the wood burning in the fireplace.  I can hear the music playing, Nat King Cole or my personal favorite Charlie Brown’s Christmas.

As a young child I remember Christmas Eve being the only night that I wanted to go to bed early. I couldn’t wait to wake up to see what Santa would bring. The year when Cabbage Patch kids were in high demand.  It was at the top of my list. My mother warned me that there were so many little girls like me who wanted one that Santa may not be able to bring one for everyone. As I fell off to sleep, I recall thinking that only the lucky ones would get a doll. Imagine how special I felt when I woke up the next morning to find my very own Cabbage Patch doll (Thanks Santa Auntie Donna)

I was an only child until my late teens when my two younger sisters joined us.  I was old enough to participate in the after-hours Christmas Eve activities.  After the little ones were put to sleep the adults would stay up for hours.  We would wrap gifts, assemble, and play with the toys, listen to music, laugh, and have a good time.  One year it was about 3 am and my grandmother asked if anyone was hungry.  Of course we all said yes, and she went upstairs and made her famous waffles.  Christmas breakfast was probably my second favorite tradition. My uncle always tried to eat more than anyone else even.  He really can eat a lot of food at one time LOL. My grandmother made the best scrambled eggs and biscuits.  For many years, my son has tried to replicate nana’s scrambled eggs. He’s come close but it’s still missing a little something special.  

When my kids were young, they too were brought up with the 4402 Christmas tradition.  At the time I recall feeling so tired and exhausted each year.  Packing up the kids and all of their gifts and driving two hours to Nana’s house seemed like such a chore. Now that we’ve been without that tradition for 16 years now what I wouldn’t give for that experience just one more time. You know that’s the problem we often miss the special things when they are happening.  Later when it’s just a memory we realize how important and special it was.

After my grandparents died and the house was sold things have never been quite the same. We rarely get together with the entire family anymore.  The PA folks don’t usually see the MD folks.  Even here in PA we don’t all gather together on Christmas Eve like we’d done in years past. For many years after 4402 I started having a Christmas Eve gathering but it’s been several years since I’ve done that for a number of reasons. We’ve outgrown the tradition of everyone gathering at one house. We literally couldn’t all fit in anyone’s house the way we used to. We’ve all branched off and started to do our own things, trying to start new traditions.  

This year my daughters and my grands came over and are staying the night.  Well it has been quite the adventure. Four Grandchildren with three under the age of 4 is a lot. All of the grands had on matching pajama tops.

They baked cookies and little tree cakes with mommy and auntie. It’s a little before midnight and they are all tucked in their beds and this MiMi will soon be joining them.

Merry Christmas everyone

The Reason

 

372 days ago is when this picture was taken.  It is also the number of days since the last time I saw my husband in person. My plans for 2020 like most people were interrupted by the pandemic.  2020 is being referred to as the worst year ever for most people. Although I agree that things did not exactly go according to my plan, I was able to make a few things happen this year. I published 3 journals, 1 novel and 1 poetry anthology. I was also able to begin working with a couple of clients as a life coach. I have done a handful of workshops about journaling and healthy relationships. I have no idea how, but I was also able to work full time, for most of the year and also help with my family’s business while also taking online classes in the spring and fall.  Somehow, I was even able to get straight A’s.  I titled this post The Reason because as I have navigated my way through this very difficult and challenging year, I have at many points along the way taken the time to stop and remember that everything happens or doesn’t for a reason.

A few people have asked me how I do it, being apart from my husband for such long periods of time.  My response is, I don’t want to do it but since I have no choice, I just do it. It has taken me a very long time to realize or shall I say accept that things happen in God’s time not mine. I choose to focus on all the things I have been able to do and are still able to do versus focusing on what I can't do.  Yes, I miss my husband like crazy but we’re both still here, alive, in good health and in love and that is a blessing. It is very difficult living alone at times, but I can still remember when I was living alone without a husband to call and talk to.  Despite not being able to see him in the flesh I can still say that some of my best times are when we are video chatting or texting each other. He is still the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night before bed.

I know there is a reason why we are apart right now. Just like there is a reason why one of my college courses this year was about intimate relationships and I have a completely new understanding and appreciation for my relationship with my husband. While many people have struggled with learning how to live with those in their households this year. My husband and I have been learning how to live without each other, while still loving each other and remaining prayerful and positive. My grandmother used to tell me that anything worth having takes work.  All marriages are work but this one has been double shifts and overtime work. For those of you wondering if I could go back and make a different decision.  The answer is absolutely not.  I would have still said yes.  Maybe some other decisions that I made along the way would have been different but not marrying my husband is not one that I would change. Marrying him has changed me.  I think for the better, but some may feel different. Marrying him has humbled me.  Made me see things very differently and appreciate things so much more.  I think for many people this year has taught us to cherish every moment and to live in the moment, to be present in our lives.

Many people have lost loved ones this year.  For those of you reading this who have lost close family and/or friends my heart goes out to you as I realize how difficult it has been for so many.  Our worlds have been turned upside down.  We can no longer do all of the things we have become accustomed to doing in the past. As we enter in the holiday season it’s very odd to not be planning the big family celebrations.  I was faced with the difficult decision to cancel my travel plans to visit my husband a few weeks ago.  As much as I wanted to go, I just couldn’t do it.  The force keeping me here was much stronger than the force pulling me away.  In other words it just didn’t feel right.  No I am NOT living in fear, I am following my gut and my gut told my butt to stay put.

I don't know when but when it's time I will see hubby again.  Until then I will continue to stay positive and enjoy each moment, text message, phone call or video chat as I can. I encourage everyone to practice self-care as much as possible and to check on others during this difficult time. Let's not spend too much time dwelling on the past and all of the challenges we faced this year. Let's think about how blessed we are to still be here right now and enjoy this moment as best we can.

Lastly I want to thank everyone who has supported me this year.  I appreciate you all so much.

Voting for the Chief

Today friends I am sharing a poem with you that was written by my uncle Cleveland Washington.  Cleveland has written poetry for as long as I can remember. I personally love all of his poems but this one is special and very timely.

VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

 

Deliverance, The key to the right person for OUR COUNTRY

Standing for a belief that’s believable

Engaging in the understanding of like minds

Just like words, they can appear deceivable

A country that gives Us a choice

We speak to our own voice

We don’t march to the starch in the shirt

We march to the cleanliness and how words hurt

Spoken words by some with a fiery soul

While others sit by to see who broke the mold

As you speak with a dragons’ breath

The conquer will speak for itself

VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

GO AHEAD HOLLER IT LOUD

MAKE YOUR VOICE KNOWN AND BE PROUD

This country doesn’t want more WARS

Why fight for other people’s CAUSE?

Where’re losing people so many other ways

We are fighting COVID-19, CANCER, HEART DISEASE,

LUNG DISEASE, MS., AND PNEUMONIA, ETC.

These will be around until the end of days

Whoever you are, a fresh voice needs to be heard,

We know the understanding of where it goes and stays

GOOD LUCK VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

FINALLY GIVE US SOME KIND OF PEACE

 

CLEVELAND L. WASHINGTON, JR.

                                                 2020

 

Settling in

Hello my friends. My big news is the release of my latest novel, Love Lies & Fight.  It's  being released tomorrow 10/27/2020.  Order or download yours today. You won't be sorry. 

Click on the link below for more information about the book.https://myemail.constantcontact.com/-SeducingThePen---Love--Lies---Fight-by-Terri-D-and-Julie-Bellatrix.html?soid=1101679750136&aid=UA7t6YIqiSw

This post is titled settling in because that's what I am currently doing.  The season has changed.  The days or shorter and the nights are longer. The temperature is changing and I have had to turn my heat on. A week or so ago I found out that the embassy is not processing anything until at least January or February of 2021. As upsetting as the confirmation was I was not surprised considering everything that is going on right now. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it so I am settling in for the winter. 
This month on the 21st we virtually celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. I posted pictures each day starting on October 1st up until the 21st of our courtship and marriage.  It seemed like a good idea at first but as the days went by it became harder and harder to go through the pictures and select the right ones and not have a break down.   There were a lot of tears trust me but most of them were happy tears. I've included two of my favorites here.

I am making plans to go visit him as soon as I can.  In December it will be one year since we've seen each other. Prior to this we have never been apart longer than 3 or 4 months. This has been a rough year for so many reasons. I have been doing what I can to keep busy here and also keep the lines of communication open with him there. It's working out as best as it can but it isn't easy and not something I would recommend. 

Well friends that's all for now.  I'll keep you posted.

2020 Vision

 

Hello friends.  Where did the summer go?  I cannot believe that we're headed into fall already.  Time is passing us by.  Things aren't back to normal and who knows if they ever will be.  I think for the most part everyone is adjusting to this new normal.  If I'm being honest it has been difficult for me at times, all of this alone time.  I now see why solitary confinement is such a harsh punishment.  I sometimes get tired of being alone but then as soon as someone comes to visit me I can't wait for them to leave lol.  I have become very accustomed to my peace and quiet. 

Although I have been here in the house alone for the most part I have been very busy and so have many of you.  Every day I am surprised at how many of my connections on social media are releasing books, like first time authors releasing books.  People are starting businesses or venturing out and trying new things within an existing business.  It is AWESOME and I love it.  That is confirmation that I am surrounded by the right people. I want to congratulate everyone who is doing all they can to continue to move forward in their lives in spite of this pandemic and everything else we have been experiencing.

As for me I have just pressed the publish button on my fourth book since the pandemic started.  Whew chile and I am tired but I'm just getting started.  I've published two journal books and one was a collaboration with my Mom.  My publishing company, TDUB Publishing worked with the poets of The Nathaniel Gadsden's Writers Wordshop to put together an anthology which will be available within the next few days. Last but not least I collaborated with a brand new author, Julie Bellatrix on our upcoming fiction release titled Love, Lies & Fight. 

Release date is October 27th but pre-orders will begin October 1st. Stay tuned for  more information on how to order or contact me directly.

Now let's get to the purpose of this post.  For the past several months everyone has been complaining about or making jokes about how horrible this year has been.  I must admit things haven't gone exactly the way I had hoped.  Okay yes things have been pretty messed up.  With that said it occurred to me that for me my eyes have really been opened over the past six months to so many things.  Hence the reason I titled this post 2020 vision.  I wear glasses so I do not have natural 20/20 vision. Of course 20/20 vision is associated with perfect sight. Without my glasses I am blind as a bat. I believe that many of us have had some enlightening or eye opening experiences this year.  Some have been good and others not so good. What I believe is that we all need to take a few moments, sit back and examine ourselves.  Get in touch with your 2020 vision and what the past few months have shown you about your life, your priorities, your relationships, family etc. This isn't an exercise to make you feel sad or unhappy it is purely an exercise in awareness.  
During times like we are currently living in it is very important to practice self-care. Emotional wellness and self-care involves the awareness, understanding and acceptance of our feelings. In order to handle a lot of what is happening around us it is important to be aware, understand how we are being affected by it and accepting those feelings. Also it is very important to understand that your feelings are yours. They do not have to match anyone else's around you. Just like their feelings do not have to match yours. (Refer to my previous post about intellectual humility). It is very simple guys, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  It doesn't make them or you right or wrong, just a difference of opinion, end of story. 
Okay enough about that.  No real update on my husband's visa saga except we did submit some additional paperwork last month so we are once again in the waiting for feedback cycle of this process. We are both missing each other like crazy but we are making this work as best we can.  We learned how to live together fairly well so now we are learning how to keep things fresh and interesting while living apart. One thing that I have learned through everything we've been through this year is that this love is nothing like anything I've experience in my lifetime.  Okay don't roll your eyes and say awe how sweet lol. It's not all roses and I love yous either.  It is real work.  Being separated from my husband like this has taught me to tap into other parts of me to muster of the strength and courage to hang in there with him. As I mentioned above I am usually alone these days but I hardly ever feel lonely. As if he's literally connected to my brain usually when I am about to slip into one of my funks he will text or call me. We're enhancing our communication skills which will definitely come in handy once we are back together again. We video chat, text and share lots of pictures. We are watching the calendar pages flip past and wondering when we will see each other in person again.  It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life but with each new day comes new possibilities. If you are a praying person just keep us in prayer.
That's all for today.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I will share my website information below if you want to keep up with the happenings of Terri D or TDUB Publishing in the future.Author Terri D TDUB Publishing

Actions Speak - The Golden Rule

Someone that follows my blog reached out to me recently to ask why I have not written anything lately. At first I did not know how to respond.  After giving it some thought for a couple of days I finally realized that when I am silent it is because I am listening and processing.  A wise person once told me that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen more than we talk.  I will add that we also have two eyes so that we can see. The past few months have been very challenging for almost everyone.  It is hard not to feel discouraged when you turn on or read the news.  Just when you think it could not get any worse something else happens.  

Everyone has an opinion and no one seems to be able to share their without someone getting offended or an all out argument breaking out.    We seem to  have lost our ability to agree to disagree and move on. Although some of the issues being debated right now are ones that really aren't debatable. Every human being deserves basic human rights and decency. Some are so offended by the BLM movement right now.  Why you ask?  If all lives really matter there would be no need for us to fight for Black Lives matter. As the election approaches I know things will only get worse. I have never before seen our country so divided.  It is very concerning to me the state that we are in.  

My silence does not mean that I have given up.  It does not mean that I have lost my voice. My silence right now simply means that I am listening, watching and processing. I recognize that there are much bigger issues than the random thoughts of Terri D right now.  There is so much hatred on display right now that I am trying my best to maintain my composure. Keep the faith. I am still trusting God's divine plan.

With all of that said there are many like me who are being silent and I realize that yes there is a time to be quiet and listen but there is also a time to voice your thoughts.  Voicing them is great but what is even better is letting your actions speak. Don't tell me how much I mean to you or how sad you are to see what is happening.  Show me by your actions that you care about me and what is happening to others who look like me in our country right now. The bottom line is that we must do better in all aspects of our lives.  We have some big issues to resolve but honestly it's simple.  Let's all follow the golden rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.