K.C. Lauer's Blog, page 17

One Year Ago: GBE#2 Bloggers

One year ago,

I was sitting as I am here, in my room at night, working on writing something with the intention of publishing it.

If you've read me before, you probably know the story. I went on vacation in May with my daughter. She had me read a YA Book and when I was moved by it, she told me she thought I should write my own.  I graduated school in July, and in August, I had a vaginal reconstruction and hysterectomy.  The surgery marked a new beginning in my life.  But while I was recovering and beginning to write my story, a young man posted on Facebook that he was going to kill himself by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.

His name was Tyler Clementi and he was battling with his sexual orientation. Dharun Ravi, 18, of Plainsboro, and Molly Wei,18, of Princeton, were charged with two counts each of invasion of privacy.  Bullying isn't right. It hurts.  I knew this because I had suffered similar circumstances but fortunately, I made a decision that I wanted to live 1% more than I wanted to die.

It was September 22, 2010.  The students involved were just 18.

My own daughter had just turned 23 on the 17th. In fact, tomorrow is her birthday and she will be 24. I can't believe how fast the time has flown.

Although Tyler wasn't the first facebook suicide note that left me unnerved, I felt like I had something to offer other teens. I knew what sexuality woes were. I knew that if teens continued to keep putting their feet forward, rather than off the bridge, that they too could overcome huge obstacles and become proud adults.

His story impacted my writing tone.  My first draft of the book had been casual, I had left a lot of the rough stuff out. It had been a pretty story, a story that I thought might interest some people.  After Tyler killed himself, I did some soul searching and made a huge decision. I was going to bare my soul. I was going to talk about the rough stuff. My mission had changed from telling my story, to trying to save lives.

My husband and I spoke about it, "I am going to tell all of my story, I shared."

"Are you sure you want to do that," he asked.

"No, I don't want to do it, but I feel compelled to," I replied. "I have been through so much. Most people probably won't even believe that my story is real, but I don't care. Those that have been through the things that I have will know that it is real.  Those that don't understand are not my audience.  Those that are thinking about dying, are."

And so I did it.The book has topics ranging from not getting your period, to masochistic relationships. It chronicles a story of family dysfunction and how the lives of a family are torn apart because of gender development issues.

A year later, there is a new story to tell.

A story of forgiving, healing and family strength. A story of success and positive affirmation. I haven't started writing it yet, but I"m working out the details in my mind.  A new day began about this time One Year Ago.  By last December, I had written, edited sit even times, and submitted Bad Girl Gone Mom to the publisher. It was listed on Amazon.com on December 10, 2010 in Ebook, Hardback and Paperback form.  From marketing materials, to layout, to type, cover and back story there was so much to learn.

Along the way, I have met so many fantastic people.  From the forums at Associated Content/Yahoo!AC, to the Facebook groups that I love, and to the LinkedIn Groups that I hold dear.  Members of each have generously reached out their hands, welcomed me, were patient and answered my questions, taught me the ropes and gave me direction.My real life friends and family have been supportive, and interactive, giving me ideas for stories, reading my work, and referring me to their friends.

I am in such a different place than I was a year ago today, it is hard to believe. I opened my own business in April, and I have been doing consulting work. I am preparing to do inspirational speaking, and am also getting ready to do a webinar to share my experiences.  I've been chronicaling my actions on my website, partly to help me remember, and track what I'm doing and partly to help others benefit by learning from my mistakes.

Life is a Journey, not a destination.

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Me and my mom

Are you living it?  I certainly am.   Sign up on my website for members only info here.

 

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Web-writing tricks, writer support and resources

I started my foray into online web-writing when I got laid off from my job.  I didn't want to lose the skills I had learned over the years, and I didn't want my mind to become stagnant.  I wanted to become a writer so I joined Associated Content, which later was bought out by Yahoo.

Learning SEO

I began to learn about S.E.O. (search engine optimization) and I asked many questions of many talented people, and they helped me learn about web writing.  I started to build up a following, I wrote a book, began to market it, and decided instead of becoming employed, I would strive to become an employer -create jobs, grow companies, help people achieve their dreams.  That's what I've been doing since April of this year and I have met many more people in my journey of publishing not only an e-book, but a hard cover and paperback too.

What I have learned about Web Writing has helped me promote my book

While I was promoting my book at a Small Business Administration event, I met someone who had similar business interests and we formed a joint partnership. We both have different skills but they complement our market. I consult with Pete at Win Enterprises LLC.

Recently I was with a client and she told me that she was having trouble hiring people. I said to her, how can that be?  There are millions looking for work.  She said, often times the longer someone has become unemployed, the harder it becomes for them.  Some of them can't even come in on time, she replied, with disgust.

Tricks and tips with web-writing

Meeting deadlines and networking are required within the web-writing community. There are also a host of other tricks and tips that are shared in forums, facebook, yahoo and LinkedIn groups that can help web writers be successful. Web writing is different than magazine, paper or book writing.  The Yahoo style guide is also a great reference for web writers.

Bad Girl Gone Mom offers writer resources

You will find links to web writing resources in my Bad Girl Gone Mom website and blog. Now, thanks to Sabah Karim, you will also find web-writing sound bites – periodic notes that will help you hone your SEO and web writing success!

If you become a member of my site, you will also be privy to my own personal journey, what I've learned, where I've learned it, how I've applied it and the results that I have had.

Note: I am always looking to improve the value of my website to writers and readers. If you would like to do a guest blog post, or ask me a question, refer a source, or suggest a great place to do article writing, please comment below.

If you haven't yet seen it, check out my Interview with Sylvia Massara and why I wrote my memoir, Bad Girl Gone Mom.  It is erotic, disturbing and very real. It is a reach out to those that might be suicidal or depressed, and there are passages that will resonate with just about all readers. Not recommended for children under 12.

Thanks for stopping by, I always appreciate your comments. Feel free to back link to my site and grab my rss feed (top left) for more information.

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Connecticut Authors participating in the fair – Big E, West Springfield, MA 2011 – 9/16- 10/2

Meet Connecticut Authors at the Big E Fair – Associated Content from Yahoo! – associatedcontent.com.

 

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The following information has been provided to me by the CAPA association with permission to reprint.

 

 

Connecticut Authors sign their work at The Big E

At the 2011 Big E in West Springfield, Massachusetts, the Connecticut Authors and Publishers Association (CAPA) will be operating a bookstore for the fifth year in a row. The bookstore will contain the works of Connecticut authors. Genres offered include: general fiction and non-fiction, historical fiction and non-fiction, science fiction, young adult fiction and fantasy, children's books, mystery, true crime, memoirs, biography, crafts, adventure, romance, travel, technology, sports, how-to-do, humor,  religious, spiritual, inspirational, self-help, and poetry. 80 authors will be featured and 190 titles will be on display.

Authors at the Big E in 2011

Individual authors presented will be: Shelia Murphy Adams, Dawn Aldrich, M. J. Allaire, Jason Alster, Morgan Amarone Miss CT 2011, Lucas R. Baker, Richard O. Benton, Raymond Berchand, Cynthia Bercowetz, William M. Boylin, Patti Brooks, James Buchanan, M.J. Claire, Christina Cody, DeEarlon, Michael C. Dooling, Bill Dougal, Wayne English, David Ferry, John B. Franklin, Rev. Timothy Furrer, Peggy Gaffney, Chris Gay, Catherine Gibson, Leeann Graham, Kimble Greene, Noreen Grice, Leslie Karen Hammond, Rosemary Harris, Dorothy H. Hayes, Dan Holdridge, Ann Jamieson, Ron Janson, Susan Jones, Janus Kane, Carol Keeney, Joseph Keeney – Publisher, Deborah T. Kilday, Michael L. Kilday, Jerry Labriola MD, Janet Lawler, Karin Lefranc, K.C. Lauer, Toni Leland, Neil Liebowitz, Peter J. Malia, Tracey Marlor, Lois Mathieu, Stacy Lytwyn Maxwell, Shannon K. Mazurick, Nicolas G. McDonald, Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD, Dodie Milardo, J. Monkeys, William P. Muttart, Teresa M. Norris, Paul Pellerin, Richard A. Radune, Steven M. Reilly Esq, Nancy K. Ruppert, Jean Marie Rusin, Tommy Russo, Thomas A. Santos, Martin Shapiro, Diana E. Sheets, Carole Shmurak, Larry Jungle Shortell, Susan Winters Smith, Kerry Bernier Spindler, Eleanor Sullo, Jane Svejk, Ames K. Swartsfager, Fay L. Taylor, Carroll Thomas, Robert Trexler – Publisher, Dan Uitti, Dr. Julie Wakely, Constant Waterman, Christopher L. Webber, A.H. Wellewood, Denise A. Whelan, Mollie Wilson, Martha J. Zimmer.

This year's event will run from September 16 to October 2, 10 am to 9 pm in the Connecticut Building on the Avenue of States.

Mark Twain appearance at the Big E

If you have been following the news, you know that recently the Mark Twain house in Hartford, CT has had some financial difficulties. They were threatening to shut down due to fundingproblems, but through donations they were able to stay open. Then more recently, the news reported that a key employee had embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years.

When I was in high school, we had a field trip to the Twain house.  I remember the curator telling us that when visitors called, and Mark Twain didn't want to see them, he would step outside onto his porch so that his secretary didn't have to lie when she told the unwelcome visitors he had "just stepped out."

The motto of this year's event is "Love to Read Connecticut Authors". Look for our banner. On Connecticut Day, September 21st, this year a special feature will be a visit from Connecticut's most famous author of all time, Mark Twain.

My favorite Mark Twain Quote "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

Please stop by and browse the CAPA bookstore. Select authors each day will be on hand to autograph their books. We promise there will be a book to buy that meets everyone's taste in literature.  

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT      :Debbie or Mike Kilday – Washigon@aol.com

(203) 813-8970

Visit CAPA website www.aboutcapa.com

Hope to see you all there!  

 

 

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Wife slaps husband with $14,000 lawsuit – Husband bends wife over and date rapes her

Wife slaps husband with $14,000 lawsuit for not having sex – Love + Sex on Shine.

Ok so my title is out of line, but I did it deliberately to make a point.  WTF!   This is an interesting article on a number of levels and I thought I would share it with you,  because I want your opinions.

Do you feel sex within a marriage is a right or a privilege?

Is sex a duty that must be performed?  Do you demand it?

Go without it?  Wish you had more or less?  Looking for a different kind of sex? Wish your partner would be more receptive to kinky sex?

Although I don't know the following poster, I found the comment thought provoking…

Posted by Irene Thu Sep 8, 2011 12:43pm PDT

 

This is actually called "loss of consortium" and is a pretty standard component in any lawsuit that involves married couples. Consortium is defined as "the right of a husband, or wife, to the company, help, and affection, of their spouse". It is a "marital right" and as such, it is a legitimate component in divorce cases. It is also a legitimate component in liability cases where, let's say, one spouse is injured in a car accident, no fault of their own, and can not perform their consortium duties with their spouse for an extended time period. A "loss of consortium" component will be included in the claim for damages against the responsible party. Anyway, you are writing about something that has been pretty standard for a very, very long time as if it were something new. If you are married, you are entitled to consortium, and if you do not get it, you are entitled to compensation.

So here is my take. 

Honestly, this article makes me sad and mad at the same time. 

Why would you stay in a relationship and not have sex for 21 years unless it really wasn't that important to you in the first place? And if you chose to do that, why are you looking for compensation?

The other point I want to make is that people should talk about their long term ideas about sex and their expectations before they get married. What if the guy comes down with diabetes and his penis won't work. What if the girl gets pregnant? What if her vagina closes up? What if there is a car accident or some long term ailment. What about alzheimer's – where the body is fine but the mind is gone?Are there situations where discrete and safe but non-monogamous sex is allowed?  When, what are the rules?

What about being tired and emotionally drained and just not really caring about the other person's needs anymore because there is no time to have sex with work, school, football, household chores, etc.  What about then? Is self-gratification going to cause problems?  Internet chats, porn, flirting, bi-sex, voyerism…where is the line?

Get engaged

Each couple should know where their lines are. I can't stress strongly enough that this is very important before getting married. If the warning bells go off for either of you, and you sense you are not compatible, don't expect the other person to change. They are not going to. Face it now.

Wedding night

During the engagement process, couples should talk seriously about things such as where they want to live, who is going to be the breadwinner, how are the chores going to be handled, what about having kids, religion, community and civic activities, financial hardships and desires, and they should also talk about their life long desires for sex. 

And if the lines get crossed, just as in a legal contract, I think there should be room for re-negotiation or nullification of the contract, depending upon what each party wants.

The only constant in life is change.

People do change, they grow, they let their defenses down, they meet new people and learn new things.  Love is a journey.  There are hills and valleys. If you choose to make a life with somebody, give them a chance to be your king, your queen, your night in shining armor, your nurse, or doctor, maybe even a Master or Slave for the night. 

So many people go outside of marriage for things they could find within their marriage, but because they fail to communicate, they shut the door on living a dream life.  The spouse becomes the enemy, rather than the soul mate or best friend.  We choose our own destiny.

I think sex is an instinct and trust is a privilege; marriages are over rated and outdated. Making lifestyle contracts that have long term considerations for both parties is a better way to go. But that's just me. 

What do you think? 

 

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Parent: the BGE#2 Blog

A few days ago I was on a radio show to talk about my book Bad Girl Gone Mom.  It was the first major publicity I have done for my book, and it was a live interview. I was really nervous but I felt like I held my own as I listened back to the interview with Bax & O'Brien on WAQY 102.1 .

I prepared a little but it wasn't enough and got lost in my thoughts as I tried to answer the questions about how I grew up without a vagina.  I had every intention of telling the listeners that I had overcome obstacles, written my book and now I was a professional speaker, but when they asked me about my mom, and suggested maybe she was a bad mother, I almost lost it.  I choked up a little, and my mind raced for about 10 seconds.  I was thinking that as a kid I hated my mom after I found out about my condition. I blamed her for bringing me into this world and thought she should have aborted me.

As a teen, I really had no idea what it meant to be a parent.  Because of my anger towards my folks, I ended up turning my brother and sister into kids who hated my parents too.  Things started to change when I had my own daughter, and they changed even more for me, when I had an ectopic pregnancy and realized my mom had had several miscarriages. I was so distraught with one, I didn't know how she went on after several.

I've been a freelance writer for two years now. Both years when mother's day came by, I wanted to write about my mom, but I just couldn't do it.  I love her with all my heart, she has been there for me on so many occasions, and yet for whatever reason, I have not felt connected to her like a lot of girls feel with their own moms in some ways and overly emotional in others.  I've been wicked independent all my life and in my teens I said some hateful things. My mom heard my interview and said she was really proud of me and that she loved me.  She also said she heard the emotion in my voice. I'm not sure if anyone else heard it, but yeah, I choked up and got a little teary. I am grown a lot in these last two years and I am grateful I have my family back.

Since 9/11, I've taken a hard look at my life.  I wrote Bad Girl Gone Mom for people who are struggling with promiscuity, sexual or gender development issues and suicide, but it has also been a cathartic healing process for me too.  Dumping those secrets has freed my brain to be more positive. I've had some great experiences this last year and my future is very positive.

I was petrified to become a mom.  I wasn't ready, I had no experience and I was sure I was going to send my kid into a mental institution by the time she was 10.  Fortunately, I was wrong. My kid is fine and things are as they should be.  Parenting is the hardest job in the world.  You have to love a child enough to let them make mistakes and learn by them.  If my folks had not kicked me out in my teens I would probably be dead today.  I was just way out of control and the only way they could keep the rest of my family safe was by removing me from the situation.

My parents did the best with me that they could, and I think they did a pretty fine job!

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Bad Girl Gone Mom (Review) | Gather

Bad Girl Gone Mom (Review) | Gather.

I'm putting this up here so folks can read the comments.  Cheers, K

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Kbalbify – Bad Girl Gone Mom Web Site Analytics and Marketing Update

I know a few of you get a kick out of watching me market my book.  I am always looking for new ways to find my "tribe"; those that would like to read what I write or speak about.

Site Analytics

I've been averaging between 500 and 750 pages views a day for the last couple of months.  Yesterday I did a radio interview with WAQY 102.1 and I got about 1500 page views.  That certainly makes me happy.

Traffic

Most of my traffic comes from Google, Facebook, and Networked Blogs though there are other ways as well.

Key Word Searches

The following information are keywords that people are searching for, and coming to my site to learn more information about. This helps me keep my content in line with what they want, and it also helps match advertisers with those key words to bring about more traffic.  One  of the best things I have done to increase traffic is to share my feed and ask people to link to it, and post some of my stuff.  Today my Alexa ranking is #307,657 in the world, and I am tracking at 54000 in the US.

born without a vagina
30
16.57


kc lauer
29
16.02


k.c. lauer
21
11.60


bad girl gone mom
21
11.60


k.c.lauer
7
3.87


girl born without a vagina
6
3.31


k c lauer
4
2.21


vaginal reconstruction blogs
3
1.66


russian girl vagna
3
1.66


kc lauer porn
3
1.66


goal deployment
3
1.66


girl without a vagina
3
1.66


girl in bondage
3
1.66


dilator therapy
3
1.66


bad girls gone mom
3
1.66


bad girl gone mom book
3
1.66


 



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Maslow Self Actualization – unlearn. – StumbleUpon

Maslow Self Actualization – unlearn. – StumbleUpon.

This is an important lesson to learn.  You might liken it to today's common phrase: what's in it for me. In sales, it is fundamentally the point of the transaction. How will it help. Why will it help.

Good stuff here. I thought I would share it with you all.

 

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National Suicide Prevention Week 9/4-9/10/11

One of the reasons I wrote my memoir was because of people posting suicide notes on Facebook. One person in particular that struck me was Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers University student who took his life because somebody outed him on YouTube.

This morning I was on the Bax & O'Brien show, WAQY Radio 102.1 for an interview in which we discussed Bad Girl Gone Mom. Since I wrote my book, I have befriend a young girl named Mary who lives in Kenya. I have also met girls all over the world in places such as Australia, India, the United Kingdom, Canada and the US. In fact, I am planning an event in Boston for 2012 where we can get together.

I remember what it felt like to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I remember what it felt like when I didn't feel like a had a friend in the world. I know what it can be like when people don't understand you or why you do the things you do. They see the outside, but unless we let them in on the inside, we can allow those secrets to drive us slowly, and painfully into insanity.  I was almost there but fortunately, my perspective changed because of events in my life.

Suicide Prevention

My goal is to help change the legacy of suicide. I want to impact how people think and feel about gender, social and sexual roles and  I would definitely like to reach out to those girls who have MRKH who may have also been told they would never meet another girl like them.

Bad Girl Gone Mom by KC Lauer (aka Kay Balbi)

While this rare syndrome that affects female reproductive health is statistically said to be 1:5000 I am sure there are other syndromes and situations where people can benefit from reading my harrowing and hopefully thought provoking story.

I will be sharing a link to the Radio show later today. I just want to say I had an enjoyable experience and appreciate the support I have received thus far.

Here is the Radio WAQY 102.1 link of KC Lauer, Bad Girl Gone Mom interview: Click play to listen!

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A few days ago one of my writer friends posted a question about Dancing with the Stars Chaz Bono.  I kind of shared a bit of my story with them, and one of my friends sent me a private message sharing that she was sorry some of the responses had been so insensitive.

I understand that people have strong feelings about sexuality. I share my story to help those that may be struggling like I did. That is why I wrote my memoir, Bad Girl Gone Mom. Mainly to help those that are struggling, but also as a reference for family, friends and the medical community as to what can go wrong when bad decisions are made. I have been there and done that, and I hope that those that are critical of others, try to keep an open mind.

A friend of mine sent me a note on Facebook asking if I would like to do an interview to promote my book.  He knew me as a teenager and has been a great supporter of my achievements. He set it up and it looks like I will be on Bax & Obrien, on Rock 102.1 tomorrow morning at 8:05 EST.  Not sure for how long, but I hope you will tune in.

When I went to their website to see what they were up to I saw an article written by Bax called Chaz Bono: Now That Dude Can Dance. I don't know because I haven't seen Chaz dance yet but I believe in his courage to follow his heart.  I was born influx..female chromosomes, but missing some female parts.  I didn't have male parts but I have felt and acted more like a man in certain parts of my life, than a female.  My story includes having to have a vagina built, and the emotional and physical trauma I went through when I had to dilate or use dildos at age 13 for physical therapy.

I'm looking forward to the interview and it has been a total blessing to me to all of those of you who have reached out to me, through this blog and through my Bad Girl Gone Mom Facebook page.  Thanks for your support.

I will be at the Big E in West Springfield, MA in the Connecticut Building with the Connecticut Authors & Publishers Association (CAPA).  Look for me between 10 and 4 on 9/25, 9/26 or 10/2.

Kay

 

 

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