Tia Silverthorne Bach's Blog, page 96

Knock on Wood: 11/11/11

I'm not superstitious, but I'm pragmatic. "I never get sick." Knock on wood. Do I really believe I'm tempting fate if I don't knock on wood? No. Do I do it every single time? Yes.

I don't consider this "a belief not based in reason or knowledge" because I cover my bases. A simple act of knocking on whatever's nearby, which is rarely wood, never hurts. I also bless those who sneeze. Do I think it saves the soul from being forcefully expelled from the body? Now, that's ridiculous. But I still say, "Bless you." It seems the right thing to do. Black cats, ladders, mirrors... they each give me pause but don't induce fear.

Today is 11/11/11. Next year is the dreaded 12/21/12, the end of time as predicted by the Mayans. Do I believe the world will end then? No. Will I be glad to see the date pass with no significant events? Absolutely. The more significant date in 2012 for me, 8/4/12. My 40th birthday.

I also hate those chain letter emails. Send good tidings to 12 people or face a horrible death. A slight exaggeration, but you've all seen the emails. I hate them, because I feel compelled to send it to 12 more people and pass around the anger and silliness. After all, you're wishing them good luck and avoiding laughing in the face of fate. Who came up with this brilliant scheme anyway? Playing on our fears. Sad.

NaBloPoMo suggested making three wishes today for our blog posts. I laugh in the face... oh, who am I kidding? My three wishes:

1. To be able to eat whatever I want, when I want it, without any concern about calories.
2. For people to get along, whether it's politics or my children. If I had to pick, make it my children.
3. Never to stress again. Please gift me with calmness, take away the worries of life. Or, at the very least, an endless supply of delusion should work.

Of course, I wish for peace on earth and good will toward men. I'd also wish for happiness for all those I love. But that seems selfish, too, so it would have to be for everyone.

What would your three wishes be, if the 11/11/11 genie existed? Are you superstitious?

Hold the Onions: Passion

Oh how I wanted to come up with something knock-your-socks-off interesting for this one. A hidden talent or desire never shared. I quickly realized I am an open book. No secrets. I didn't even lie to my food diary about cheating when I had one of my child's chicken nuggets. Sure enough, right there on November 10th... cheat: one chicken nugget.

Word nerd that I am, I headed to the dictionary for inspiration. Passion is first a powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger. Easy. I am passionate about my children and my family. Nothing inspires more powerful emotions in me than family. Writing and reading rank up there, too. My passion for reading was planted and fostered by my mom. Writing followed. Thanks to my upbringing, faith is also a passion.

On the flip side, I loathe onions and coffee. Not just a passing dislike, a full blown hatred. How's that for passion? I know onions and coffee never did anything to me, but I stand firm in my utter disgust just the same.

I found myself drawn to the third definition: boundless enthusiasm, the object of such enthusiasm. As boring as this may sound, I value words to such a high degree I refuse to throw them around. Boundless enthusiasm, endless devotion. Wow! I'm dedicated to many things, but endlessly? That's quite the commitment. One I save for friends and family.

Why can't I commit to more passions in a simple blog? I don't take commitment lightly, you might even say I'm passionate about it. My dad is an engineer, my mom a poet. I was raised with equal parts practical and dreamer.

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
Benjamin Franklin
My life summed up by Benjamin Franklin. I believe in passion, wholeheartedly support it in fact, but I think reason should be your guide. Trust your heart, but also run it past the brain. Passion should never step on a group of people or hurt, it should bring about great change and sometimes hold fast in tradition and values. Passion should never make you blind.

I'd travel to Hell and back for my family. I allow that singular passion tunnel vision. I will love them no matter what their choices are, even if I disagree or caution them. My heart will break and mend again several times, yet I will not falter.

A secret passion? I pride myself on fleeting passions. Ones that surface and resurface when I need them to. Politics, comes and goes as issues present themselves. Other times, I want nothing to do with the bickering and complete lack of getting things done. Education, absolutely, but I also believe in summertime and memories. Just yesterday I was passionate about both sides of my hair being even after I spent a half hour curling it. The next day, ponytail.

My goal, find passion when it's needed. On other days, explore. Look for a new passion and be open to it. But that's just my obviously passionate opinion.

A Deflated Bat: ROW 80 Check In

My last check in included this quote from Dr. Seuss:

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
In a moment of creativity on Monday, I wrote this little diddy with Dr. Seuss still in my head:

Come on, life, throw at me what you will.
My bat is ready and with it my skill.
I will focus on the words and my story to tell.
All of your attempts to stop me, well, they can go to hell.

Bravado followed quickly by defeat and reality. So easy to pump yourself up, another thing entirely to come out swinging.

My ROW80 update

Writing: A lackluster week. My WIPs saw little to no attention. Chaos and life taunted Sunday's strong words with sick kids, mounting tasks, writing work with deadlines, etc. My bat turned to a balloon and quickly deflated. And I didn't have the air to blow it back up.

Don't worry, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I check in, and move on. Or try to. I plan to kick it, starting tonight. WIPs front and center.

Would love some advice. How do you jumpstart after a slump?

Blogs: Posted daily here and keeping up the pace on Mom in Love with Fiction. Reviewing is behind, but hoping to get two reviews out in the next week.

Miscellaneous: Reading is booming. When I gave into the rundown feeling, probably a bit of the sickness that took my kids out, I sat in bed and read. Keeps the writing brain engaged, so a definite positive.

Exercise: Two of the last three days, so not bad. I cut back on the intensity, but still exercised. And I'm very happy to report... no sugar since last Friday. Yeah. I do think it's contributing to the brain fog and rundown feeling. This, too, shall pass, right?

I've been checking in on my ROW80 friends and NaNoers, but not like I'd like. Striving for more blog visits and comments this week. Hope every one is doing well.

Home is Where the Heart is

Home is where the heart is. Cliched, but true.

Today, NaBloPoMo asked, "When was the first time that you realized that your home was not like other people's homes?"

Maybe I'm in the minority, or simply misunderstand the question, but I always knew my home was different. Moving defined my family, so structures were of little consequence. Home was where we slept, where we kept our clothes. In no way did four walls define our family.

Even as a young child, people wondered why our family moved so much. A life full of constant prying questions from people who just didn't understand.

I remember the story when my dad called his father yet again to tell him about another move. His dad simply said, "Boy, you need to learn how to hold down a job." My dad spent 30 years with GE, had an amazing career, but his path wasn't clear to a lot of people.

Still, if home is truly where the heart is, then aren't all our homes the same. Home is humor, good meals, tears, and coming together. It's balancing the hard times with the good times. When the pendulum swings to the bad, our youth is lost and our hearts cling to something else. What is home in that case? I don't know. I am blessed not to know, and my heart goes out to people who do.

Home is the memories we conjure up in times of happiness, sadness, and need. I want my kids' memories full of family moments, times we laughed and loved, not the look of their bedroom or particular furnishings.

I want them to embrace differences. How boring would the world be if all our homes, all our memories, were the same?

Early on, don't we all know our homes are different? Unique? Special?

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Mom wrote a post earlier this year about home: House that Grew Me. Take a moment to read it. As she so eloquently said, "it's not about a home at the end of the day; it's about the people we love that also grew up in the home or the many people who visited . . . A structure is temporal; building and keeping relationships are forever."

Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

Today I am sharing a very intimate post written by my mother and Depression Cookies co-author, Angela Silverthorne. It's also a fitting answer to today's NaBloPoMo prompt.

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Can you imagine a yearseeking medical advice, going from one doctor to another with no answers, onlyan increase of symptoms? Can you imagine after a series of neurological testsand evaluations being told you have a "chronic and progressive movementdisorder, the cause is unknown; there is no cure; and it involves themalfunction and death of vital nerve cells in the brain" better known as Parkinson's?Can you imagine?A year later, can youimagine dealing with your own life's uncertainties and then the death of thewoman who helped rear you, your grandmother? Or the year after, imagine yourhusband having a heart attack, pacemaker, stint, and afterwards developinggrand mal seizures? And in the middle of all this, your mother who had been sickfor a year was told she had pancreatic cancer and only lived seven weeks. Overthe next two years, what might seem inconsequential to some, but devastating tome, was the loss of my seventeen and sixteen year old dogs. Can you imagine?

These events occurredbetween January 2004 and May 2011. If I had read these accounts in the paper orhad been told this by someone, my first response would be, "How did they manage?"That's when the imagination would end. I wouldn't want to go there. But I did.Can you imagine?In March 2011, I wastold a new machine would be coming to Duke University that would help diagnoseParkinson's. July 2011, the I-123 DaTscan was up and running. And on September 22,2011, I was their seventh patient to have the test. Ten days later, I was toldbeyond a shadow of a doubt that I did not have Parkinson's, any Parkinsonianrelated diseases, MS or ALS. I'd been on two Parkinsonian drugs for almostseven years. Can you imagine?

Today I am on a mountaintop. Looking back, I realize I made it. I made itthrough the trials. I laughed, I smiled, I had such intense joy Ican't even describe it—four more beautiful granddaughters and a treasure holdof precious time with my grandmother and mother before they died. God providedit all, not me.During my husband'smedical problems, we sat for hours wondering what would become of us, who wouldtake care of us, and truly began to understand what our "for better or forworse" vows meant. When I slipped into despair even for a moment, I sought God.An early morning sunrise on the river, a gorgeous sunset at the beach, or agranddaughter's funny face or remark filled my narrow vision. Every day was atrial, yet every day was filled to overflowing with God's love and grace. The Bibletalks about light and dark, salt and sweet; it was all there, every day. And Isaw it. Can you imagine?

Beyond my faith,Michael J. Fox has truly been an inspiration. I have treasured his perseveranceand determination. His words are a life lesson for all of us, "You know, there'sa rule in acting called 'Don't play the result.' If you have a character who'sgoing to end up in a certain place, don't play that until you get there. Playeach scene and each beat as it comes. And that's what you do in your life: youdon't play the result . . . Act as if it's the way you want it to be, and it'lleventually morph into that. Life is what you put into it and how much you takeout of it. You put in more than is expected, and you take out less than youwant."

Beyond a shadow of adoubt? A new lease on life? What do you do with that? Standing on themountaintop, I turn to look forward. Yes, the shadow is still there. I don'tknow what's coming. I do know there'll be another valley, there'll be moretrials, but I'm prepared – you don't play the result. And, beyond a shadow of adoubt, God will be there. Can you imagine?

Feathers and Stone: Balance

Balance, such a delicate thing. Think about it, a feather thrown onto one scale throws off the balance. A feather. Life rarely hands us feathers, instead casting stones if not boulders in our direction.

Mom and I have each tackled the idea of balance before: Mom's What the... You Want Me to Do What? and my The Delicate Balancing Act of Life. We both agreed on the importance of finding balance, but neither of us came to an easy conclusion on how to achieve it.

One thing I've learned, striving for daily balance is near to impossible. Overall balance judged on a weekly or monthly basis is a more reasonable target. There are some days all your effort goes into putting out fires. Other days, you give into the need to smell the roses and simply relax. Admittedly, these moments are often forced on us by a snow day or sickness.

My biggest obstacle to balance, guilt. It's my boulder. Some have it, others don't. Maybe the key to achieving balance is ridding yourself of guilt. If I work all day, I feel guilty about not spending time with my husband, children, and friends. If I play all day, the work stacks up and taunts me. And let's not even mention the dust bunnies and dirt laughing at me from every corner of the house.

Making family time is akin to healthy eating habits... you just have to do it. No, I don't want to balance my sugar intake. I want to be my perfect weight, exercise when I feel like it, and eat whatever I crave when I crave it. Ah, if only life worked that way.

Putting guilt aside, because we all have to find our own ways of dealing with it, the best thing you can do to make family time is schedule it. I schedule my work with prioritized to-do lists, because without those I'd sit and look at an overwhelming pile and be lost.

Same can be said of family, friends, and husband time. From Friday night to Sunday night, I schedule a date with each of my children. For example, Friday nights after her swim practice, my middle daughter and I go to Starbucks (her choice) and chat for an hour. Every week. The first Friday, I was exhausted and not looking forward to it. But she was giddy. She asks me every week if we are still doing Fridays. We haven't missed one yet.

Dedicated time for family and husband works the same way. Schedule a night out with the girls or a dinner with hubby. The hours before and after may be a mad scramble, but the moments with your husband and friends will be worth it.

Finally, work. I've started making a to-do list based on three factors: what has to be done that day, what should be done in the next week, and what can wait. Then comes focus. I work from home, so it's difficult to walk away at 5pm.

When my six-year-old told me she hated the computer and wanted to smash it, I took it to heart. I close the computer from the time I pick the kids up at the bus stop to the time my husband takes them up to bed. Then I work for another hour or so before making time to sit down with hubby and watch a television show.

There's no perfect solution to finding balance, but one thing I know for sure... it won't work itself out. Be proactive, take on the challenge, and a modicum of balance you will find. Funny, I think I just had a Yoda moment. But I digress, start small and build. Handle the inevitable unforeseen and get back to the plan.

Good luck!

What's your best tip for finding balance between your work life, children, and relationships?

Dr. Seuss, Cheerleaders, and Writing: ROW 80 Check In

Looking for encouraging words for a new cheer for my ROW80 NaNo buddies, actually for all who are writing, I found this:
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"~ Dr. Seuss I've been a fan of Dr. Seuss for years, so I'm glad he's cheering us all on. My big bat is ready, so may no troubles deter your writing, or mine, this week.  I've also recruited two super cute cheerleaders to Team NaNo: 
 Go, Team, Go! My progress this week:  Writing: Slow but steady. I worked several hours on both novels, but each needed outlining and tweaking work more than words. It still felt like progress, but adding words always feels better. My goal this week: write! The framework is there, so it's time. Fellow writers, especially those participating in NaNo: please share your best tip for staying in writing mode. Blogging: Thanks to NaBloPoMo, I'm posting daily. I even posted twice a couple of days. Plus, I've fallen into a nice 3 posts a week groove on Mom in Love with Fiction. Goal this week: Post my Henrietta Lacks review and finish Turning Point to review. Miscellaneous: Ditching Becoming a Writer for now to join Nicole Basaraba in reading Stephen King's On Writing. I'm excited to read it and pick the brain of a fellow writer. Exercise: I met my minimum of 4 days a week for 45 minutes. Same goals for this week. I've also given up sugar. Only two days in, and so far the cravings have been manageable. My Dr. Seuss bat is prepared in case sugar needs rear their ugly head. But, we'll see how it goes.  Check out the other A Round of Words in 80 Days participants here.

Writing: Throw Paint on the Canvas

Life is a big canvas, throw all the paint on it you can. Danny Kaye
When I'm starving for blog post ideas, I hit the buffet of quotes on the Internet. There's something for everyone, and the perfect quote for every need.

Today, Kaye's quote popped out at me. My canvas is a blank page. I sit down, take a prompt, and start typing. Throwing caution to the wind, the words pour out of me. I try not to stop them.

Once the canvas is full, I walk away for a minute. Let it dry. When I come back, I have a more objective view of the scene. Some words get tossed aside, but some spring into a life all their own. A piece of work I never expected.

Rarely is a word wasted. I can start on one theme and end up with three posts. Or I can free write and end up with a new story idea.

National Novel Writing Month is a great time to remember Kaye's lesson. Write, write, write. Squelch your inner editor for the time being and give words freedom. What you end up with on November 30th is a blueprint. A starting point for something. It's not meant to be a finished novel, but draft one of many.

Although I'm not participating in NaNo, I'm embracing the spirit of it. I'm writing, every single day, and letting the editor take a break until 2012. Just words filling up my canvas... throwing all the paint on it I can.

Flying Fingers versus Cramped Hands

National Blog Posting Month's prompt today:

When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?
Thanks to my high school typing teacher, I prefer to type. Even then, I can barely keep up with the words as they flow from my brain to my fingertips. The trip through the heart slows them down a bit, thankfully.

The fast typing allows me to give into word flow. I type until it dries up. Editing is a completely different story. I print everything and edit with a red pen. Old school. I take notes all day on any random paper unfortunate enough to get in my way. Post it notes are like dust in my house, great reminders of what I need to do.

When the story is pressing, I can type for lengthy periods without considering food, water, or time. I can't imagine getting that lost in pen and paper. My hand and fingers would begin to cramp and send mixed signals back to the brain, confusing the words trying to come to life.

That being said, I won't let thoughts escape. I carry a steno pad in my purse for those moments an idea strikes. No sense losing a scene or character trait. I'll even send emails to myself from my IPhone with ideas.

I also type to-do lists. Like editing, I print them off for the joy of marking through completed items.

My only exception: a letter. Letter writing has sadly become a lost art. I make my own cards and send to friends for no particular reason. Typed letters or emails will never replace a handwritten note.

Your turn... do you prefer typing or pen to paper?

Where I'm From, Part Two: Tia Bach

If you missed Part One, check it out here.

My version of the poem, Where I'm From.

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Where I'm From
I am from Santa Claus figurines, good Southern food, and stories.

I am from many homes decorated with memories and love, structure andfurnishings of little consequence. My childhood is wrapped in images ofa family laughing together and holding tight during moments of tears.

I am from every flower and tree south of the Mason-Dixon line, spots of beautysprinkled through my life. From a poet mom who described trees and flowers insuch beautiful detail, the words meant more than the objects.

I am from unicorns and books, from Silverthorne and Beach, from five generations female strong. I am from deepfaith and conservative values, the belief in hard work and dedication.

Five Generations (the last four, all first-born women)
I am from Old Time Religion, Marching to Zion, and How Great Thou Art. I amfrom Dallas Silverthorne and Angela Beach Silverthorne, from the ones beforethem who helped mold two amazing parents.

I am from depression cookies, chicken-n-dumplings, and way too much food todo justice to here. From a woman who poured love into everything she did, fromfood to writing and so much more, and a man dedicated to building a strong foundation of love and success.

I am from a professional baseball player, a woman before her time, a mechanic,a homemaker, a writer, an engineer... from blood, sweat, and tears.

Mom and Dad, the early years
I am from moving boxes and new places, parents who believed in us, andcoming together during the hard times.

I am from moments of pain, laughter, tears, joy, loneliness,gratitude, and everything in between. I'm from people who found humor and love the most important of all things. They grew me right.