Andrew Weil's Blog: Dr. Weil's Healthy Living Blog, page 8
January 21, 2020
Fruit, Herb, & Vegetable Infused Waters: Good Or Bad?
Years before commercially prepared drinks of fruit- or vegetable-infused water became popular, I recommended drinking warm water with lemon juice (one tablespoon of juice in eight ounces of water first thing in the morning to help with hydration after spending seven to eight hours without any water overnight.
Lemon may make water more palatable, but the key to fruit- or vegetable-infused drinks is the water, which is a basic and essential nutrient needed to maintain a healthy body, a clear mind, and a good balance within your tissues. About 60 percent of the body is water, and we must constantly replenish the supply, as it’s continuously used in the processes of life. If you are among the many people who fail to drink the recommended eight 8-ounce glasses a day, I recommend consuming as much as you can and more than you think you need, whether you drink it plain or infused.
A key issue with commercially prepared versions of water infused with various combinations of fruit, vegetables or herbs is whether or not they’re as good for you as advertised. Claims range from softer, smoother skin, better transport of nutrients and oxygen in your body, less strain on your organs, maintenance of optimal body temperature, less joint strain, more energy, better digestion and moods, to quicker recovery from exercise. I know of no research that backs up any of these claims.
Nevertheless, the market for commercial infused drinks is growing, principally in North America and partly in response to a (welcome) shift away from soda and other sweetened beverages.
Water And Weight
Research suggests that heavier people need to consume more fluids than slimmer individuals, although that fluid doesn’t have to be plain water.
Some research indicates that drinking water before meals increases the chances of succeeding at weight loss, probably because it helps fill the stomach. We don’t know, however, whether keeping hydrated will have a lasting effect on weight loss. Researchers at the University of Michigan have reported that obese individuals have higher needs for water than the non-obese, “because water needs depend upon metabolic rate, body surface area, and body weight.” They also noted that poor hydration is associated with worsened physical, mental and emotional health and may affect how well individuals manage tasks requiring attention and good psychomotor and memory skills. Inadequate hydration also has been linked to worse moods, headaches and poor kidney function.
For adequate hydration, the U.S. Institute of Medicine recommends that men consume 125 ounces of water daily and women 91 ounces. Those numbers represent the combined total of water contained in all the food and beverages you consume. You can tell you’re well hydrated if your urine is light in color. If it is dark, you need to drink more. (Keep in mind that if you take supplemental B vitamins, one of them – riboflavin, vitamin B2 – will color your urine bright yellow).
Infused Waters Worth A Try
Before the commercial advent of infused waters, I recommended the following two practices on this website.
Lemon water : No solid evidence supports claims that lemon water can boost metabolism or help with weight loss, but there is no downside to starting your day with it. Since we go about seven to eight hours without any water overnight, it’s essential to drink some first thing in the morning to avoid dehydration. If you find water boring, try adding lemon juice. The vitamin C it provides can help repair and regenerate tissues and is essential for synthesis of collagen, the protein that is the chief component of skin. The scent of a lemon has been found to lower stress levels, improve moods, and reduce agitation. Likely any benefit to your weight will be due more to how you spend the rest of the day.
Cucumber water : You can add cucumber slices to plain water to make a pleasant, refreshing drink. However, any health benefits beyond those of plain water are minimal. Cucumber water is said to improve the appearance of skin, but I have seen no medical evidence for that. On the plus side, cucumbers are very low in calories and provide some vitamin C, beta-carotene, and manganese, plus a number of flavonoid antioxidants, including quercetin, apigenin, luteolin, and kaempferol. In animal studies, fresh cucumber extracts increase scavenging of free radicals and reduce inflammation, but those effects were seen with concentrated extracts, not slices of cucumber added to water. Tieraona Low Dog, M.D., an internationally recognized expert in the fields of integrative medicine, dietary supplements and women’s health, and an authority on botanical medicine, views cucumber water as a pleasant way to increase water consumption. She combines cucumber and mint, adding one peeled, sliced cucumber and a few sprigs of mint to a pitcher of water and refrigerates it overnight. She also squeezes a little lime in it before drinking it.
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January 7, 2020
The Lofty Legacy Of Trees
My earliest memory of respect and love for trees is riding my bike home on summer Tuesdays when our elementary school library was open, my bike basket brimming with books, lowering the kickstand so my bike would balance as I chose my first book, climbing our backyard green apple tree, arranging myself and being held in the notch between two limbs. Feeling safely hidden in the canopy of branches bursting with leaves that rustled in the warm breeze carrying oxygen and the aroma of ripening apples, I’d open my book, and read until I was interrupted by a call for supper.
When I got a little older, I read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and cried at the poverty of Francie Nolan’s immigrant family, and the symbol of the scrawny tree that grew in a pot on their fire escape, that survived no matter the paucity of sun, water, and soil.
Just this week I read Richard Powers’ Pulitzer Prize- winning 2018 novel, The Overstory.. Nathaniel Rich wrote in The Atlantic, that Powers’ novel takes on “the greatest existential crisis human civilization faces: the destruction of the natural conditions necessary for our own survival.” In it, one of the novel’s nine characters, Adam, answers the question about why Powers didn’t write a scientific treatise or an activist pamphlet: “The best arguments in the world won’t change a person’s mind. The only thing that can do that is a good story.” And The Overstory is just that; The language is elegant, the characters realistic and sympathetic; the ideas demanding and courageous. My life was changed, my soul awed, as I reconnected to the majesty of trees.
From The Overstory:
Chinese saying: “When is the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago.”
The Chinese engineer smiles. “Good one. ‘When is the next best time? Now.’ Ah! Okay!”
Taking Action:
What stories do you have about your experiences with trees?
Write a one paragraph story about some of your tree experiences.
Consider doing something (about and for trees and us) that can make a difference.
Using our four paragraph template (context, story, learning – wisdom extracted from the story, and a blessing) write a legacy letter to someone in your life, perhaps someone younger than you, who may take trees for granted, even when they and we are in such grave danger.
May your legacy letter share what you love and may it open your reader’s heart, mind, and spirit to the majesty and might of trees.
-Rachael Freed
Rachael Freed, LICSW, senior fellow, Earl E. Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing, University of Minnesota, is the author of Your Legacy Matters, Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies and Heartmates: A Guide for the Partner and Family of the Heart Patient. Rachael Freed rachael@life-legacies.com and www.life-legacies.com
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December 6, 2019
Leading A More Peaceful, Healthy Life
Seeking peace in your life? We all experience occasional bouts of sadness, of feeling a bit blue. This is one of many normal human emotions on a large spectrum. Depression on the other hand is considered an abnormal emotional state. Always consult your doctor or mental health provider if you feel the symptoms of sadness become overwhelming, begin to color every aspect of your life, or last for more than two weeks. If you are seeking comfort in times of sadness or if you are looking to make positive change in your life, consider the following, natural ideas.
Leading A More Peaceful, Healthy Life
Video transcript
Dr. Weil believes these 10 ideas can be of particular benefit for those who struggle with mild to moderate depression but can also potentially benefit nearly everyone who follows them.
Exercise Daily
We are designed for regular, sustained movement. Focus on a regular exercise program. One that you look forward to: A vigorous walk, a few laps in the pool, a bike ride, or visit to your local gym. The possibilities are endless.
Follow An Anti-Inflammatory Diet
Inappropriate inflammation may underlie depression – so controlling it is key to both physical and mental well-being. Dr. Weil’s Anti-Inflammatory Diet consists of whole, unprocessed foods that are especially selected to reduce inflammation, as well as provide abundant vitamins, minerals and fiber.
Do Breathing Exercises
Practice regular, mindful breathing exercises. These can be calming and energizing, and can even help with stress-related health problems ranging from panic attacks to digestive disorders.
Limit Information & Media Exposure
Are you choking on “data smog”? A dense cloud of trivial, irrelevant, or low-value information made possible by the internet. Monitor your time with devices and try to incorporate more face-to-face events with friends and more outings in nature.
Laugh More!
Smiling and laughing are very potent mood boosters. One way to quickly, intentionally inspire laughter is via laughter yoga.
Forgive
Forgiveness is almost universally held by philosophers and saints to be a key to peace of mind – and modern research confirms that those who can learn to forgive when appropriate enjoy better emotional health and overall contentment.
Practice Meditation
A regular meditation practice can restructure the mind, allowing us to detach from thoughts that cause emotional swings. It can level out mood cycles and help you learn to do things more effectively.
Practice Daily Gratitude
Try to devote a few moments of your morning meditation session to feel and silently give thanks for all of the good things in your life. Or consider writing in a gratitude journal before bed each evening.
Take Fish Oil & Vitamin D
Adequate blood levels of fish oil and vitamin D have been strongly tied to emotional health.
3 Herbs For Depression
Consider these 3 herbs to address mild to moderate depression:
St. John’s Wort: This plant appears to work well for those affected by low mood.
SAMe: A naturally occurring molecule that has been studied as an antidepressant.
Rhodiola: This relative of the jade plant appears to improve mood and memory.
Bonus: Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT is a form of psychotherapy that helps patients overcome habitual negative views of the world and themselves and has been shown to be among the most effective psychological interventions for anxiety and depression.
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December 2, 2019
The Legacy Of Light In Dark Times
Here we are at the beginning of the darkest month of the year. It isn’t surprising that in December we celebrate light. In Christian and Jewish tradition, the holidays of Christmas and Chanukah celebrate light – lighting candles and decorating trees and homes are ways we add light in this month when in the northern hemisphere we have the fewest hours of light.
The Bible begins: “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep…. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.”
In the modern psychological world, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is defined as a form of depression in response to fewer hours of daylight. It is found rarely in people who live close to the equator and is more common the farther away from it you live. Treatment is daily exposure to bright light through a full-spectrum light source.
What can we share with future generations about the importance of light? We can pass down family traditions of celebrations of light, but more important is what we can share about a broader understanding of light – searching for the darkness within and replacing it with light, and ways to bring light to others through our acts of kindness, respect, and love.
Others have said it better than I, so I’ll conclude with their inspirational words about light for you to reflect on in preparation for a December legacy letter bringing light to those you love in this dark month.
“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
– Carl Jung
“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”
– Albert Schweitzer
“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”
– Maya Angelou
“You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.”
– Oprah Winfrey
“Travel light, live light, spread light, be the light.”
– Yogi Bhajan
“I am in the world feeling my way to light ‘amid the encircling gloom.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
“A book should be a ball of light in one’s hand.”
– Ezra Pound
“Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in.”
– Leonard Cohen
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it… Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
– Brene Brown
“It may be that you are not yourself luminous, but that you are a conductor of light. Some people without possessing genius have a remarkable power of stimulating it.”
– Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Taking Action:
Reflect about light: in December, in celebration, your feelings about physical light and what it means to you. Then read the words of others and reflect on those that have a particular message for you, and their connections to your emotional, mental, spiritual, and communal life.
Then choose someone(s) you want to write a legacy letter of light to. Your letter may be to pass down family traditions about light, something you learned about yourself as you reflected on the words of wisdom about light, or a discovery about your own light (and/or darkness. Write a draft of your letter, and put the draft away for a day or so, staying present to additional thoughts, memories, or understanding that come to you as time passes.
Write your letter and offer it as a light this December to those you choose.
“May your legacy letter add light to the darkness and waning light of December, and provide a “full spectrum of light” to you and those you love.”
– Rachael Freed
Rachael Freed, LICSW, senior fellow, Earl E. Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing, University of Minnesota, is the author of Your Legacy Matters, Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies and Heartmates: A Guide for the Partner and Family of the Heart Patient. Rachael Freed rachael@life-legacies.com and www.life-legacies.com
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October 29, 2019
The Legacy Of Silence & Moral Injury
If we don’t write a legacy letter to accompany our wills (our material valuables) and fail to share the contents of the letter in conversation with our families…
If we don’t write a legacy letter to accompany our living wills/health directives (our values and requests regarding our dying and death) and fail to share the contents of the letter in conversation with our families…
We pass down to another generation silence about those most important subjects of our lives. Instead of increased understanding, evidence of caring, and intimacy, the legacy we pass forward is silence: Another generation mired in outdated taboos, without permission to speak or discuss these topics.
About another area of silence, I recently spoke at a Spiritual Wellness Summit for caregivers and military personnel focused on “moral injury,” a term coined only this past decade and new to me.
“Moral injury” has most commonly come to mean the transgression, the violation, of what is right, what one has long held to be sacred—a core belief or moral code—and thus wounding or, in the extreme, mortally wounding the psyche, soul, or one’s humanity.”
– Robert Emmet Meagher
In the hierarchical military, moral wounds occur when a person with authority orders you to do something that violates your moral code (easy to imagine when deployed in a war zone). Symptoms from the injury include: Inability to trust after your values have been betrayed, loss of community and sense of belonging, isolation, and loss of purpose (opportunity to serve others beyond self). It’s no wonder that the military suffers from extremely high rates of depression and suicide (20 suicides every day in 2018).
The crippling effects of moral wounds are not suffered by the military alone, most of us have experienced such injuries in the course of our lives. For the most part we are unaware that we are carrying moral wounds from childhood and adolescence. Our abilities to trust, feel safe in community, a sense of belonging, being known and understood, of having a clear sense of purpose, and even a belief in a Source greater than ourselves that we can count on, have been damaged and diminished without our being aware of it.
Because we can’t really know another’s experience, I asked everyone at the Spiritual Wellness Summit to write a paragraph about a moral injury they had themselves suffered, and then to share their story with a stranger. Both military and helping professionals experienced surprise at what they discovered, the power of writing it down, and the relief and sense of healing resulting from reading aloud and being heard.
“Our listening creates a sanctuary for the homeless parts within another person.”
– Rachel Naomi Remen
Taking Action:
As you search your memories for moral injuries, you may discover them by tracing vague feelings of fear or anxiety that you experience that surprise you because they seem disconnected from the present and/or seem out of proportion to present experience. Take some time to reflect and write about moral injuries you have experienced and how they have affected your life.
Put your writing away overnight or for a few days, and stay aware of glimpses of understanding that come to you as time passes.
Choose a trusted person with whom you can share this very personal new knowledge about yourself. The person may be a friend with whom you have a long history, a therapist, or a cleric. Clarify whether you only want the person to witness your letter silently and privately, or whether you want the person to witness you reading your letter aloud, and whether you are open to talking about it. Begin your letter with these decisions, including that you ask the person to hold your trust inviolate.
Then write your definition of moral injury.
Continue your letter describing your injury as you re-member it, and how you understand its ramifications.
Share your letter.
Use your reflection journal to record about your sharing, and any new understanding, awareness, or freedom you’ve had from this experience.
May each of you and all of us in the human community find through legacy writing a new or renewed sense of peace, of trust, and healing.
– Rachael Freed
Rachael Freed, LICSW, senior fellow, Earl E. Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing, University of Minnesota, is the author of Your Legacy Matters, Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies and Heartmates: A Guide for the Partner and Family of the Heart Patient. Rachael Freed rachael@life-legacies.com and www.life-legacies.com
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October 10, 2019
Eat More – Or Less – Meat?
The question of whether or not it’s healthy to cut back on eating red and processed meat seemed settled years ago. The American Cancer Society, the American Heart Association and the U.S. Dietary Guidelines have all recommend limiting consumption of these foods. The World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer has classified processed meat products as carcinogens (these include hot dogs, ham, bacon, sausage and some deli meats).
In October (2019) our long-standing views about meat consumption were challenged by widely publicized research concluding that eating red and processed meats isn’t so bad for human health. An international team, led by Bradley Johnston Ph.D. of Canada’s Dalhousie University, reported after reviewing more than 200 studies on the subject that cutting back on the amount of meat you eat would have “little to no effect” on your risk of diabetes, cancer and heart disease. The researchers reported that reducing consumption of unprocessed red meat would cut deaths from heart disease by only four individuals per 1,000 persons over 10.8 years, deaths from type 2 diabetes by six people per 1,000 over 10.8 years and 7 people per 1,000 over a lifetime. Similar results were seen for reducing consumption of processed meat.
Most meat lovers may look at those numbers and conclude that there’s no point in reducing the amount of meat they eat. But critics of the analysis (and there are many!) argue that it didn’t succeed in making the case that it’s okay to ignore long-standing recommendations to limit meat consumption. A statement from the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health maintains that the new guidelines “are not justified, as they contradict the evidence generated” by the researchers’ own meta-analyses. Among the five published reviews, the Harvard statement noted that three “basically confirmed previous findings on red meat and negative health effects.”
Frank Hu, M.D., Ph.D., chair of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard, noted that earlier studies have shown that a diet low in red and processed meat is associated with a 14 percent lower risk of death from cardiovascular disease, an 11 percent lower risk of death from cancer, and a 24 percent lower risk of type 2 diabetes.
Taking estimates of current red and processed meat consumption into account, Dr. Hu said that a moderate reduction could cut deaths by about 200,000 persons per year. “Even if only half of the reduction is real, that’s still of huge public health significance,” he added.
In her online column “Food Politics,” Marion Nestle, M.P.H., Ph.D., emerita professor of Nutrition, Food Studies and Public Health at New York University, wrote that, “Common sense is what’s missing in these studies. Do the authors really believe that:
Meat eaters are healthier than vegetarians?
Eating more meat is better for health?
Meat eaters are less obese and have less heart disease and cancer than those who eat less?”
If not, she added, “the conclusions make no sense.”
Part of the problem here is the difficulty of performing nutrition studies. As you may know, the most respected research comes from randomly controlled, blinded trials where, for instance, if you want to know whether a new drug works, you assemble a group of patients, some of whom take the drug while others get a placebo. Neither the patients nor the researchers know who received the real thing until results are analyzed when the study ends. That kind of study isn’t feasible when you’re trying to determine whether nutritional changes have an effect on health. The Harvard statement noted that there never has been a randomized controlled trial looking at long-term health effects stemming from reducing red meat consumption due to “practical and ethical reasons.” The authors of the new investigation emphasized the same point.
In most nutritional studies, researchers collect dietary information from volunteers, then check on their health in subsequent years. While this may sound simple, researchers can’t document everything the volunteers eat or what changes they make in their diets – or lifestyles – over time.
There are other consequences of eating meat to consider beyond its effect on individual health. The slaughter of billions of animals annually for use as human food has been a long-standing concern among vegetarians. (You can find a chilling continuous count of the numbers of animals killed for food at https://animalclock.org/). The toll is appalling considering that we don’t need to eat animals in order to survive – we can get along very well on diets that are plant-based.
Beyond that is the impact of the consumption of meat and dairy products on the environment. In a study published in June 2018, researchers at the UK’s University of Oxford reported that by giving up these products, individuals in the UK could reduce their carbon footprint from food by up to 73 percent, and if everyone followed a vegan diet, worldwide farmland use could be reduced by 75 percent.
This would lead to a significant drop in greenhouse gas emissions and free up wild land lost to agriculture, which the study identified as one of the primary causes of mass wildlife extinction. The investigators also reported that production of meat and dairy products is responsible for 60 percent of greenhouse gas emissions but provides only 18 percent of calories and 37 percent of protein levels worldwide.
Source:
Bradley C. Johnston et al., “Unprocessed Red Meat and Processed Meat Consumption: Dietary Guideline Recommendations From the Nutritional Recommendations (NutriRECS) Consortium,” Annals of Internal Medicine, October 1, 2019, DOI: 10.7326/M19-1621
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October 1, 2019
The Legacy Of Forgiveness
We wrote legacy letters asking others for forgiveness for our actions and forgiving others in a recent workshop,
On her way out at the conclusion of the workshop, a young woman told me she’d done it wrong. I assured her that there’s no right or wrong in legacy writing. Then she explained that she’d written to her father, I replied that legacy letters can be written to future generations (as in a letter written by a teen to future generations apologizing about the ruined environment our generation is leaving them). And that legitimate legacy letters can be written to older generations as well as to people of our own generation. She then informed me that her father was dead. I acknowledged her struggle and pointed out that relationships aren’t finished because one person is here and the other not. After a moment of reflection, she relaxed, looking relieved: smiled, thanked me, and revealed that she couldn’t have written the letter when her father was alive!
Just this month I heard a talk by a woman whose teen son was murdered by a young man. After 12 years of grieving, she began visiting the murderer in prison, and eventually forgave him. After 17 years she has included him as part of her family! I don’t think I have that much capacity to forgive, but I am in awe that some people can.
Sharon Strassfeld in her book, Everything I Know, wrote an amend to her daughter as she was leaving home for college: “I have no way to lessen for you the pain you suffered in having been an acutely sensitive child in the hands of a strong and assertive mother. But I will tell you that always, always, I gave you the best that I had available to give. And sometimes my best was simply not good enough. I’m sorry for that.”
Our written apologies and regrets are acts of love that will be appreciated now and long after we’re gone.
The purpose for this category of legacy letter is to repair a relationship in which we have wronged another and need to acknowledge what we did, make an apology, and ask for forgiveness. Making an amend reduces the clutter we carry as part of our personal baggage. It can release us from guilt. It may as well make us more forgiving and compassionate of others.
To forgive:
Is really to remember
That nobody is perfect
That each of us stumbles when we want so much to stay upright
That each of us says things we wish we had never said
That we can all forget that love
Is more important than being right.
Taking Action:
“You’re lying on your deathbed. You have one hour to live. Who is it, exactly, you have needed all these years to forgive?” – Margaret Atwood
List 3 people – or more – to whom you want to offer an amend or ask forgiveness (they can be living or not).
Next to each name write a short description of the harm(s) you’ve done.
Choose one person from your list and write your reasons for seeking resolution.
Write a 15 minute letter to that person focused on your description of the harm you did and your amend.
Put the letter away at least overnight, and then reread it; decide whether and when you will send it. If you decide “not now” put the letter with your personal papers, and bring it out regularly to reconsider your decision.
Repeat this practice with the other two people on your list, and add as many as you wish.
“May your reflection and writing grow your respect and compassion for yourself and those you love.”
Rachael Freed
Rachael Freed, LICSW, senior fellow, Earl E. Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing, University of Minnesota, is the author of Your Legacy Matters, Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies and Heartmates: A Guide for the Partner and Family of the Heart Patient. Rachael Freed rachael@life-legacies.com and www.life-legacies.com
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August 26, 2019
Legacy: Connecting The Past And The Future
In August I facilitated a workshop titled “We are the Links Between the Past and the Future.” Participants wrote stories they remembered or had heard about an ancestor. The stories were fascinating and the reading at round tables was enthusiastic and appreciated by the listeners as each person shared what they’d written.
“Even if we didn’t know the context, we were instructed to remember that context existed. Everyone on earth, they’d tell us, was carrying around an unseen history, and that alone deserved some tolerance.”
– Michelle Obama in Becoming
The purpose for remembering the stories is to link the past and the future, which is part of the context of who we are. When we yearn for the stories as we age, we may discover we missed the opportunity; parents and grandparents are no longer available.
“…suddenly, for whatever reason…you decide that it’s important to let your children know where they came from – you need the information that people you once knew always had to give you, if only you’d asked. But by the time you think to ask, it’s too late.”
– Daniel Mendelsohn in The Lost
The legacy purpose for telling stories is to extract the lesson from the person’s life to pass those values and wisdom forward to future generations. After workshop participants shared their stories, I invited them to write the lesson they’d learned from the story, and the values illustrated by the life of their ancestor.
Here are values learned from two stories in Your Legacy Matters.
From a man writing about his 89-year-old grandfather, a farmer and rancher until he died. “My grandfather would often say that he never worked a day in his life because he loved what he did, and it didn’t seem like work at all…. And now, as I look over the span of his life – all the changes he saw, the harvests he reaped, the [generations] he welcomed into the world – I realize that even with 90 whole years, our time on earth is short indeed. That life is too short to spend doing work that doesn’t feel like play….”
From a woman writing about her grandfather before WWII, who gave “a little pile of change” every week to all the beggars who came by in their town of Ludbreg in Croatia. “I was fascinated by all of this then – and have remembered it always as a lesson ‘to be kind to the less fortunate, and always be as generous as possible.”
“I cannot have a future ’til I embrace my past.”
– Debbie Friedman, songwriter
Taking Action:
If you know stories of your ancestors, write them using language as though you were talking to the next generation.
If you don’t know stories, but you have living family members who you can ask questions of, start there.
Connection now may only be possible from the questions we consider and ask. And those questions may be more important than answers, because they put us in relationship with the past generation and the family members we contact.
“Learn to love the questions themselves. Until some distant day, without your knowing, you will have lived into the answers.”
– Ranier Maria Rilke
Then consider the meaning of the stories – what lessons do they teach you, about the story itself, and the person whose life and values are embedded in the story?
Before you begin writing, I recommend reading the four paragraph template for writing a legacy letter (pages 232-233 in Your Legacy Matters) to guide you in using the elements of context, story, lesson, and blessing to ensure that your letter is simple, interesting, and meaningful.
You may renew connections and deepen the family sense of belonging by asking questions. And you may find that others want to join you in the significant undertaking of preserving the family past, being the link between the past and the future, and gifting future generations with history deeply yearned for.
After you’ve written your first letter, consider writing other stories and lessons for your family, including your own stories and the lessons you’ve learned from your experiences.
May your experience deepen belonging and a sense of family connection by seeking the stories and lessons of your roots and passing them forward to future generations,
– Rachael Freed
Rachael Freed, LICSW, senior fellow, Earl E. Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing, University of Minnesota, is the author of Your Legacy Matters, Women’s Lives, Women’s Legacies and Heartmates: A Guide for the Partner and Family of the Heart Patient. Rachael Freed rachael@life-legacies.com and www.life-legacies.com
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August 13, 2019
Getting In Touch With And Speaking The Truth
The following is the second excerpt from Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison’s Amazon best-selling book,
Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up
. Informed by more than three decades of formal Zen and psychotherapeutic training and practice, Wholehearted brings Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison’s spiritual and clinical expertise into a readily accessible blend of insight and easily actionable guidance. The book provides strategies for identifying and exploring behaviors that often create unconscious barriers to personal confidence and interaction with others. Taking a remarkably fresh approach, Sensei Koshin brings time-honored Buddhist wisdom to how we live our lives, teaching us how to close the gaps we create between ourselves and others, and to wake up to the world around us in doable, wholehearted and positive ways. Find the first excerpt: Inviting Freshness Through Not Knowing here.
To me, lying is intimately connected with vulnerability. I believe when we lie, it’s because we’re afraid of exposing something about ourselves. I have a friend who works with a writer who constantly misses deadlines. It’s actually not that big of a deal, because my friend knows this about the writer, and course-corrects by giving him deadlines that are weeks prior to when my friend actually needs something turned in. The challenges arise not because of the lateness but because the writer can’t seem to accept this shortcoming about himself, so he writes my friend long emails with excuses as to why he’s late again – imaginative stories that my friend knows aren’t true. Because of this, my friend says, she’s established an opinion about this writer that has jumped from the level of “struggles with timeliness” to “pathological liar,” which, as you might imagine, causes ruptures in their working relationship. How much simpler it would be for the writer to email “I’m late again” and leave it at that!
I’m sure we can all empathize with this writer, though. We all have shortcomings we’d rather not admit to ourselves, habits we’d rather hide. And lying comes from all the interference we create to not actually tell a truth that we perceive will make us vulnerable. But our thinking about this is backward. “I think the greatest illusion we have,” the activist and playwright Eve Ensler writes, “is that denial protects us.” She continues, “It’s a weird thing about truth; it actually protects you. What really makes you vulnerable is when you’re lying, because you know you’re going to get caught, even by your own mind. That you know you’re a liar.” When you do finally tell the truth, there’s a strange relief that comes with it.
One of my students told me a story once about a man she was assisting in his dying process. His final wish was to see his daughter, from whom he was estranged. My student had to put a lot of effort into finding the daughter, because the man wasn’t in touch with her at all. When she did find her, and told her the father’s dying wish, the daughter said, “I don’t want to see him. I hate him, and I’m glad he’s dying.” My student went back to the man and told him that his daughter wouldn’t come. He pleaded with her to try again. So she went back to the daughter, and this time the daughter acquiesced. “OK,” she said. “I’m not going to stay long, but I’ll come.” My student joyfully brought the news back to the father. She was so happy that she was able to aid with such a beautiful reconciliation. The day the daughter arrived at the hospital, my student was standing outside the door in anticipation. She saw the daughter fly into the room. As soon as she got in, my student heard her say to her father, “You’re one of the most awful people I’ve ever known. You’ve caused more harm to me than anyone I’ve ever met. I hate your guts.” And then she turned on her heel and left. My student went into the room in a panic, apologizing. “I’m so sorry,” she said to the father. “I didn’t know that was going to happen.” The father responded, “That’s exactly what I wanted to happen. The truth is, I was a terrible father. She’s never had the opportunity to tell me that to my face, and I know it was eating her alive.” So that was his last gift to his daughter – the gift of having her truth heard, which was perhaps a relief to them both.
There are the garden-variety lies we tell (I remember when I was teaching poetry, I had a student who had three grandmothers die) but another way to think about lying is our unwillingness to examine what is really true. For me the most challenging lie between people is the lie of omission – what we don’t say. Many years ago I entered into relationship with a teacher whose intelligence, commitment to the path, and no-nonsense outlook inspired me. Over many years, we slowly developed an intimate relationship of trust – which was hard won, as there were many moments of distrust and challenge for both of us along the way. For instance, our relationship seemed to work best when I agreed with whatever my teacher said. I did feel that I was an apprentice, and my role was to learn, so this felt OK at first. I became devoted and did everything I could to support and create a container for my teacher’s vision. I joyfully did anything that was requested or that I could intuit would be helpful. My teacher often called me “son,” which, in the beginning felt like a reward, and I enjoyed this familiarity. I sensed, however, this created a difficult dynamic with my fellow peers; I experienced lots of sibling rivalry for the position of the “number-one son.” After a while, though, feeling prepared with a solid foundation on the path, I began to assert and express my own vision, which in the beginning was, on the surface, well received – but I felt there was something deeply displeasing below the surface. The more I developed my voice, the more the tension increased. This continued for six years. We never spoke about the situation directly; a lie of omission existed in the space between us. Our once flowing, meandering conversations and laughter became short and curt factual conversations, and our eye contact diminished. It seemed the more I became differentiated, the wider and wider the gap became. I don’t think either of us knew how to bridge the gap, and this created distrust.
In Japanese culture there is a word, ma, that describes the space between things. It is what makes Japanese art, architecture, and gardens so unique. So much attention is brought to the gap, to the pause, that you can really see the stone, the scroll, the tree, the shape of a branch. Without attention to the space between, there is no true beauty and life. This is what happened between my teacher and I: the ma was neglected through omission. We had known how to relate to each other earlier, and we did not know how to relate to each other in this new place.
As stories throughout time tell, when the mentor and the student can’t adapt to change and talk about it together, the relationship breaks: Baba Yaga and the adventurers, Chiron and Hercules, Pharaoh and Moses, Darth Vader and Obi Wan, and on and on. This is what happened to us: the lie of omission between us created confusion and distrust, the relationship suffered, and our once deeply held respect for each other was shattered, the bond broken. While profoundly sad for me, it doesn’t discount the love, respect, and appreciation I still feel for my former teacher. My Zen teacher, Sensei Dorothy Dai En Friedman, says, “It takes everything to be free.” We have to be willing to truly be in the layers and discomfort together. With shared commitment, it is possible, and preciously rare. Both people need to be fully willing to get into the muck and learn how to be in it together. When this is possible, my experience is that a deeper intimacy and trust arises.
The Zen Peacemakers understand not-lying as listening and speaking from the heart. It’s a prompt to stay connected to what is authentic for you, to ask yourself – and to be brave in hearing the answer – what you conceal about your own life. We all have those weird little pockets of concealment that we create, don’t we? I’ve never met someone without them, anyway. One person who exemplifies the refusal to lie to himself was the historical Buddha, which is partly what makes his story so inspiring. I’m sure you know people who went into certain careers because their parents wanted them to; “I’m a lawyer because my mom was a lawyer,” and so on and so forth. The Buddha’s dad was like that, too. He wanted his son to be what he (Dad) wanted him to be, instead of what he (Buddha) might want to be. He was a clan leader, kind of like a king. When the Buddha was born, his fortune was told. The oracles said that he would be either a great king, like his father, or a great spiritual leader. Well, his dad sure knew which one of those options he preferred.
He took great pains to make sure that his son was always distracted by some luxury or another and didn’t let him leave the walls of the palace, so he couldn’t follow a spiritual path. Eventually the Buddha did leave the palace, and what he saw, which was essentially suffering, frailty, sickness, and death, struck him to the core. It was the Buddha’s “oh, shit” moment. He could have gone back to the palace and lived out the rest of his days in pleasure, but he couldn’t ignore the truth of what was in front of him. So, he walked away. In our lives, there are often expectations put upon us by another, whether it be our parents, society, what we read in magazines, or whatever. These expectations are almost like an overlay: what our life is “supposed” to be. They have less to do with us (or reality) than with some vague external idea. And then we go about measuring ourselves against that idea. That’s why what happened with the Buddha is so interesting; he encountered something within himself that felt at odds with his overlay – and used that incongruency to pivot.
To learn how to be who we are, it’s essential to actually listen to what’s true, instead of what we’ve been told is true. From this space, we can practice speaking what is actually true from our lived experience. This is the practice of not-lying.
What do you conceal about your life?
How can you see and act in accordance with what is?
How can you be more loving and brave in your relationships?
About Koshin Paley Ellison:
Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison, MFA, LMSW, DMIN, is a best-selling author/editor and nationally recognized spiritual teacher and psychotherapist. In his second book, Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up, Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison addresses common distractions, beliefs and habitual patterns, providing a way through stress, disengagement, anger and feeling unloved. Widely acclaimed for his guidance in helping people understand and apply time-tested Buddhist teachings as simple strategies for living in today’s chaotic world, Paley Ellison is a dynamic, original and visionary leader, teacher and speaker. He is a co-founder (with his husband, Sensei Robert Chodo Campbell) of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care, the first Zen-based organization to offer fully accredited ACPE (Association for Clinical Pastoral Education) clinical chaplaincy training in America. Through the Zen Center they have educated more than 800 physicians and their students have cared for over 100,000 people facing the vulnerabilities of aging, illness and dying. Follow him on social media:
Instagram: @koshinpaleyellison
Twitter: @koshinpaley
Facebook: @koshinpaley
The post Getting In Touch With And Speaking The Truth appeared first on DrWeil.com.
August 2, 2019
10 Ways To A Happier Life
In my book, Spontaneous Happiness, I write about lifestyle practices that can help people achieve and maintain happy lives. Bear in mind that by “happy,” I am not referring to endless bliss. Despite what many in the media proclaim these days, such a state is neither achievable nor desirable. Instead, these practices are designed to help most people reach and maintain a state of contentment and serenity. From there, a person can still experience appropriate emotional highs and lows, but knows that he or she will soon return to a pleasant state that might be termed emotional sea level.
I’ve summarized information about 10 of those practices. These will, I believe, be of particular benefit for those who struggle with mild to moderate depression, but can also potentially benefit nearly anyone who follows them:
1. Exercise:
Human bodies are designed for regular physical activity. The sedentary nature of much of modern life probably plays a significant role in the epidemic incidence of depression today. Many studies show that depressed patients who stick to a regimen of aerobic exercise improve as much as those treated with medication. Exercise also appears to prevent depression and improve mood in healthy people. Many exercise forms – aerobic, yoga, weights, walking and more – have been shown to benefit mood.
Typical therapeutic exercise programs last for eight to 14 weeks. You should have 3 to 4 sessions per week, of at least 20 minutes each. For treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, activities of moderate intensity, like brisk walking, are more successful than very vigorous activity.
I am a particular fan of integrative exercise – that is, exercise that occurs in the course of doing some productive activity such as gardening, bicycling to work, doing home improvement projects and so on. Many people find it far easier to stick to activities like this than to lifting weights or running on a treadmill.
2. Follow an Anti-Inflammatory Diet:
Normally, inflammation occurs in response to injury and attack by germs. It is marked by local heat, redness, swelling and pain, and is the body’s way of getting more nourishment and more immune activity to the affected area. But inflammation also has destructive potential. We see this when the immune system mistakenly attacks normal tissues in such autoimmune diseases as type 1 diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. Excessive inflammation also plays a causative role in heart disease, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases, as well as other age-related disorders, including cancer. More recent research indicates that inappropriate inflammation may also underlie depression – so controlling it is key to both physical and mental health.
Perhaps the most powerful way to control inflammation is via diet. My anti-inflammatory diet consists of whole, unprocessed foods that are especially selected to reduce inappropriate inflammation, as well as provide abundant vitamins, minerals and fiber. It consists of fruits and vegetables, fatty cold-water fish, healthy whole grains, olive oil and other foods that have been shown to help keep inflammation in check. For details, see the anti-inflammatory food pyramid at my website.
3. Take Fish Oil and Vitamin D:
Adequate blood levels of fish oil and vitamin D have been strongly tied to emotional health. They are so necessary and deficiencies are so common in the developed world that I believe everyone, depressed or not, should take them. Take up to three grams of a quality, molecularly distilled fish oil supplement daily – look for one that provides both EPA and DHA in a ratio of about three or four to one. I also recommend 2,000 IU of vitamin D each day.
4. Take Depression-Specific Herbs:
Specifically for those with mild to moderate depression, I suggest trying:
St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum): This European plant appears to work well for those affected by low mood. Look for tablets or capsules standardized to 0.3 percent hypericin that also list content of hyperforin. The usual dose is 300 milligrams three times a day. You may have to wait two months to get the full benefit of this treatment.
SAMe (S-adenosy-L-methionine): A naturally-occurring molecule found throughout the body, SAMe (pronounced “sammy”) has been extensively studied as an antidepressant and treatment for the pain of osteoarthritis. Look for products that provide the butanedisulfonate form in enteric-coated tablets. The usual dosage is 400 to 1,600 milligrams a day, taken on an empty stomach. Take lower doses (under 800 milligrams) once a day, a half hour before the morning meal; split higher doses, taking the second a half hour before lunch.
Rhodiola (Rhodiola rosea): A relative of the jade plant native to the high northern latitudes, it appears to improve mood and memory. Look for 100-milligram tablets or capsules containing extracts standardized to three percent rosavins and one percent salidroside. The dosage is one or two tablets or capsules a day, one in the morning or one in the morning and another in early afternoon. This can be increased to 200 milligrams up to three times a day if needed.
5. Do Breathing Exercises:
Conscious breath control a useful tool for achieving a relaxed, clear state of mind. One of my favorite breathing exercises is the 4-7-8 or Relaxing Breath. Although you can do the exercise in any position, sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward. Then:
Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
Hold your breath for a count of seven.
Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.
Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply. This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system.
6. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
CBT, a relatively new form of psychotherapy helps patients overcome habitual negative views of the world and themselves, and has been shown to be among the most effective psychological interventions for anxiety and depression. A full course of treatment is 14 to 16 sessions, with occasional booster sessions during the following year to maintain improvement. CBT can be done individually or in groups, and people can also get started with self-help books and online programs.
7. Laugh:
Smiling and, especially, laughing, are potent mood boosters. One way to quickly, intentionally inspire laughter is via laughter yoga. Begun by Dr. Madan Kataria, a physician from Mumbai, India, the first “social laughter club” convened in March of 1995 with a handful of people. Now, according to the official laughter yoga website, there are more than six thousand clubs in 60 countries.
The method used in laughter clubs is straightforward. After brief physical exercises and breathing exercises under the direction of a trained leader, people simulate laughter with vigorous “ha-ha’s” and “ho-ho’s.” In the group setting, this “fake” laughter quickly becomes real and contagious and may continue for a half hour or more. And the joy lingers; regular participation in laughter clubs has been shown to improve long-term emotional and physical health in a variety of ways, including a significant lowering of the stress hormone, cortisol. To learn more, go to www.laughteryoga.com.
8. Limit Media Exposure:
Today, many of us are choking on “data smog,” a dense cloud of trivial, irrelevant, or otherwise low-value information made possible by the internet’s power to disseminate vast amounts of media virtually free. The result is fractured attention spans and attenuated human relationships. Monitor the time you spend with digital media (television, the web, email, text messaging and so on) in a given week, and cut that amount at least 25 percent in the following week. Use the time you free up for outings in nature, exercise, or face-to-face communication with friends. If you like the result, keep restricting virtual life “surfing” and expanding real-life, connected, human experiences.
9. Forgive:
Forgiveness is almost universally held by philosophers and saints to be a key to happiness – and modern research confirms that those who can quickly and easily forgive when appropriate enjoy better emotional health. Conversely, resentment is the fuel that feeds depressive rumination, and can quickly spiral into a self-reinforcing low mood. Fortunately, the ability to forgive can be cultivated. The Stanford Forgiveness Project offers books, audio and video courses, and online programs that can help.
10. Practice Gratitude:
Author G.K. Chesterton wrote: “You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.” I suspect Chesterton didn’t do this automatically. He knew that, like forgiveness, gratitude can and should be cultivated through diligent practice.
One powerful method is keeping a gratitude journal. Spending a specific time each day or week recording things for which one is grateful has been shown boost subjective happiness levels in as little as three weeks. A less formal practice – and one that I follow – is to devote a few moments of my morning meditation session to feel and silently give thank for all of the good things in my life. As a result of doing this for several years, I find myself often making mental notes throughout the day of blessings such as rain here in my desert home, flowers that are opening in my garden, or a glorious sunset. Of all of the practices listed in this article, I believe learning to feel and express gratitude may be the most important in achieving and maintaining a happy life.
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