Isa K.'s Blog, page 3
November 20, 2012
A Serious Talk About Co-optation
A couple days ago Jessewave had a guest post from Real Life Gay(TM) Stuart questioning whether M/M tropes had currently crossed over into co-optation territory. "What an awesome post," I thought. Virtual high-fives all around.
Then today I saw a post from Voinov about how TERRIBLE and WRONG it is that people in the M/M community are telling female writers they're NOT ALLOWED to write M/M because they don't have the gay men expertise. Only gay men can tell authentic stories, blah, blah, blah...
"Oh not this again!" I thought. And like many of you I leaned over to click the 'like' button before I'd read the post-- thankfully something made me stop ... I clicked through to see the original post made by Megan Derr first. And then-- thinking smugly "I have got to see the asshat who kicked this off"-- I clicked through to the post Derr was replying to.
And found myself staring at the Jessewave post.
What's funny about this situation is there's simply nothing in Stuart's post that talks about whether women are allowed to write M/M. NOTHING. He doesn't say it directly, he doesn't imply it indirectly. What he does do is speculate that the current batch of tropes comes from a combination of well meaning ignorance from majority female writers and what is marketable and desirable to the female readership that makes up most of the genre. That's no where near the same thing.
And ... as can be expected when you imply that a group of people used to patting themselves on the back are maybe contributing in some small way to a problem, the shit storm began.
The sad thing is ROMANCE (not just M/M) does have a serious co-optation problem and a good opportunity to discuss it has been lost. I can't allow that :/
What Is Co-optation?
Co-optation (also referred to as cultural appropriation) happens when a majority group repurposes elements of a fringe/minority culture for their own purposes. The classic example is the Native American headdress and the modern day hipster. The Native American wears the headdress for a specific cultural reason, the hipster wears it to be "cool".
Co-optation becomes a problem when the majority's usage starts to subvert the fringe group's. This is damaging because to the majority the element is usually just a trend, it's fun, it's aesthetically pleasing, whatever-- whereas to the minority group the element being co-opted is a part of a shared identity. The minority group is losing something important and significant so that the majority group can have some fun. In the end, trends will shift, the majority group will lose interest and find something new to be "cool" but the minority group does not get their identity back. Think of the swastika. It's been-- what?-- almost seventy years since the dissolution of the Nazi party, can Hindus and Buddhists go back to using the symbol the same way they once did? Nope. That's what sucks about co-optation.
How Does This Happen in Romance?
Let's not make this about M/M, because it's not exclusive to M/M. Few BDSM stories reflect the BDSM community accurately, almost no menage stories even try to get poly lifestyle right, and don't get me started about rape fantasy ;)
Fantasy by itself is not a problem. I don't like stories about weepy bottoms and their seven foot, muscly, manly tops but I don't find them OFFENSIVE. Writing about a particular situation that is not your own situation is not in and of itself co-optation .
It BECOMES co-optation when these tropes become the only stories that people are allowed to tell. When writers are pressured by editors and publishers to change their stories to fit a particular mold. When books that were never published as romance novels are forced into the genre and subsequently dismissed as being subpar when they fail to provide the desired fantasy. When it becomes impossible for novels to become successful if they do not provide the fantasy the majority wants.
Again: co-optation happens when a majority group takes over elements of a minority group's identity and experience for no other reason than titillation and entertainment.
Chill Out, Co-optation Doesn't Make You a Bad Person
This is a fight I fight all the time as a woman in a technical profession. It's so difficult to get my nerdy boy colleagues to understand that the problem is not whether or not they are biased. Biases are naturally and unavoidable. The problem is how they RESPOND to the bias.
In the same way, Co-optation is just a natural process. As ideals become popular they lose some of their original meaning ... regardless of how careful and "respectful" people try to be. The fact that you have written or enjoyed some of the tropes described in Stuart's post does not make you a bad person. It's how you respond to people like Stuart pointing out issues with your use of their identity that matters.
How to Handle Co-optation - Step One: Listen
The crime of co-optation is that the voices and experiences of the minority get SILENCED. The easiest way to enjoy your M/M fantasy and keep the genre becoming co-optative is to keep an open mind to different perspectives. You don't have to read stories you don't like or change your reviews, but you do have to give space to other voices.
Which means, for example, when a gay man writes an intelligent guest post about how many M/M tropes do not reflect his experience and how maybe this bothers him, don't throw a hysterical hissy fit about how HE is oppressing YOU.
Step Two: Embrace and Reclaim Your Niche
You like what you like. There's no shame in that ... so stop acting ashamed of it. You know what fuels most of the co-optation I've seen in Romance? People being ashamed of the label "Romance readers"
Self-conscious of the stigma of one label, suddenly readers and writers "rebrand" themselves as something else. "M/M Romance" becomes "GBLT Fiction" and "Romance" becomes "Erotica"... There. That sounds so much classier, doesn't it?
Except the books themselves don't change. What happens to the people who were writing and reading GBLT Fiction (as in novels about the GBLT experience that don't necessarily involve any love interests) before you decided it sounded better? How do their writers find the right readers now that their genre is being flooded with hundreds of new books that don't have anything to do with what they write?
Like a new species introduced into an existing ecosystem, when we rebrand M/M as something else we make it harder for fringe voices to survive. We lose diversity and start co-opting.
So don't do it. Don't rebrand. Embrace your niche. As someone who went to school in Japan and did my thesis on social-economic undertones of yaoi (yes, really. My advisor loved it) ... the only thing more annoying to me than seeing a bunch of western romances labelled "yaoi" is listening to a bunch of western romance fans define "yaoi". Stop it. Tacking a manga style cover on something and making one of the boys super effeminate does not make something "yaoi". Calling something "yaoi" does not make it more sophisticated/cultured/worldly/etc. You know what it does do? Make it that much harder for fans of yaoi to connect with like minded individuals.
A writer who can't find his audience is a silenced voice. You don't have to start reading things you're not interested in, you do have to stop taking over other genres because OMG that name sounds so much cooler!
Step Three: Realize That There Is No GLAAD Award For "Best Reader"
I feel like controversies like the Stuart post wouldn't happen as often if people stopped trying to ascribe higher meaning to their love of hot guy-on-guy action. I see A LOT of readers/writers behave like the simple act of powering on the Kindle is a meaningful show of solidarity with the gay community. Like it's the equivalent of marching in the Pride parade or campaigning for marriage equity.
And so understandably these people get very threatened when someone implies that what they write or what they like to read might actually be hurting the community. They get defensive. They overreact. They make this community a unwelcoming place for different voices ... ironically many of those voices turn out to belong to actual gay men.
But this is silly. I can think of no situation where great social injustices have been corrected through porn (well okay maybe Deep Throat but only indirectly!). If you want to show your support for the gay community, do it with your actions, not with what you gets you off.
The best way to keep M/M open and respectful of the gay community is to be honest about its significance. I think Emma put it best:
Yes! And there's no reason why this play can't peacefully coexist with more realistic depiction of real-life-gayness, but we have to allow them to coexist which means we have to check our egos at the door, be honest about what we really want in a story and stop trying to rebrand ourselves into "coolness".
Then today I saw a post from Voinov about how TERRIBLE and WRONG it is that people in the M/M community are telling female writers they're NOT ALLOWED to write M/M because they don't have the gay men expertise. Only gay men can tell authentic stories, blah, blah, blah...
"Oh not this again!" I thought. And like many of you I leaned over to click the 'like' button before I'd read the post-- thankfully something made me stop ... I clicked through to see the original post made by Megan Derr first. And then-- thinking smugly "I have got to see the asshat who kicked this off"-- I clicked through to the post Derr was replying to.
And found myself staring at the Jessewave post.
What's funny about this situation is there's simply nothing in Stuart's post that talks about whether women are allowed to write M/M. NOTHING. He doesn't say it directly, he doesn't imply it indirectly. What he does do is speculate that the current batch of tropes comes from a combination of well meaning ignorance from majority female writers and what is marketable and desirable to the female readership that makes up most of the genre. That's no where near the same thing.
And ... as can be expected when you imply that a group of people used to patting themselves on the back are maybe contributing in some small way to a problem, the shit storm began.
The sad thing is ROMANCE (not just M/M) does have a serious co-optation problem and a good opportunity to discuss it has been lost. I can't allow that :/
What Is Co-optation?
Co-optation (also referred to as cultural appropriation) happens when a majority group repurposes elements of a fringe/minority culture for their own purposes. The classic example is the Native American headdress and the modern day hipster. The Native American wears the headdress for a specific cultural reason, the hipster wears it to be "cool".
Co-optation becomes a problem when the majority's usage starts to subvert the fringe group's. This is damaging because to the majority the element is usually just a trend, it's fun, it's aesthetically pleasing, whatever-- whereas to the minority group the element being co-opted is a part of a shared identity. The minority group is losing something important and significant so that the majority group can have some fun. In the end, trends will shift, the majority group will lose interest and find something new to be "cool" but the minority group does not get their identity back. Think of the swastika. It's been-- what?-- almost seventy years since the dissolution of the Nazi party, can Hindus and Buddhists go back to using the symbol the same way they once did? Nope. That's what sucks about co-optation.
How Does This Happen in Romance?
Let's not make this about M/M, because it's not exclusive to M/M. Few BDSM stories reflect the BDSM community accurately, almost no menage stories even try to get poly lifestyle right, and don't get me started about rape fantasy ;)
Fantasy by itself is not a problem. I don't like stories about weepy bottoms and their seven foot, muscly, manly tops but I don't find them OFFENSIVE. Writing about a particular situation that is not your own situation is not in and of itself co-optation .
It BECOMES co-optation when these tropes become the only stories that people are allowed to tell. When writers are pressured by editors and publishers to change their stories to fit a particular mold. When books that were never published as romance novels are forced into the genre and subsequently dismissed as being subpar when they fail to provide the desired fantasy. When it becomes impossible for novels to become successful if they do not provide the fantasy the majority wants.
Again: co-optation happens when a majority group takes over elements of a minority group's identity and experience for no other reason than titillation and entertainment.
Chill Out, Co-optation Doesn't Make You a Bad Person
This is a fight I fight all the time as a woman in a technical profession. It's so difficult to get my nerdy boy colleagues to understand that the problem is not whether or not they are biased. Biases are naturally and unavoidable. The problem is how they RESPOND to the bias.
In the same way, Co-optation is just a natural process. As ideals become popular they lose some of their original meaning ... regardless of how careful and "respectful" people try to be. The fact that you have written or enjoyed some of the tropes described in Stuart's post does not make you a bad person. It's how you respond to people like Stuart pointing out issues with your use of their identity that matters.
How to Handle Co-optation - Step One: Listen
The crime of co-optation is that the voices and experiences of the minority get SILENCED. The easiest way to enjoy your M/M fantasy and keep the genre becoming co-optative is to keep an open mind to different perspectives. You don't have to read stories you don't like or change your reviews, but you do have to give space to other voices.
Which means, for example, when a gay man writes an intelligent guest post about how many M/M tropes do not reflect his experience and how maybe this bothers him, don't throw a hysterical hissy fit about how HE is oppressing YOU.
Step Two: Embrace and Reclaim Your Niche
You like what you like. There's no shame in that ... so stop acting ashamed of it. You know what fuels most of the co-optation I've seen in Romance? People being ashamed of the label "Romance readers"
Self-conscious of the stigma of one label, suddenly readers and writers "rebrand" themselves as something else. "M/M Romance" becomes "GBLT Fiction" and "Romance" becomes "Erotica"... There. That sounds so much classier, doesn't it?
Except the books themselves don't change. What happens to the people who were writing and reading GBLT Fiction (as in novels about the GBLT experience that don't necessarily involve any love interests) before you decided it sounded better? How do their writers find the right readers now that their genre is being flooded with hundreds of new books that don't have anything to do with what they write?
Like a new species introduced into an existing ecosystem, when we rebrand M/M as something else we make it harder for fringe voices to survive. We lose diversity and start co-opting.
So don't do it. Don't rebrand. Embrace your niche. As someone who went to school in Japan and did my thesis on social-economic undertones of yaoi (yes, really. My advisor loved it) ... the only thing more annoying to me than seeing a bunch of western romances labelled "yaoi" is listening to a bunch of western romance fans define "yaoi". Stop it. Tacking a manga style cover on something and making one of the boys super effeminate does not make something "yaoi". Calling something "yaoi" does not make it more sophisticated/cultured/worldly/etc. You know what it does do? Make it that much harder for fans of yaoi to connect with like minded individuals.
A writer who can't find his audience is a silenced voice. You don't have to start reading things you're not interested in, you do have to stop taking over other genres because OMG that name sounds so much cooler!
Step Three: Realize That There Is No GLAAD Award For "Best Reader"
I feel like controversies like the Stuart post wouldn't happen as often if people stopped trying to ascribe higher meaning to their love of hot guy-on-guy action. I see A LOT of readers/writers behave like the simple act of powering on the Kindle is a meaningful show of solidarity with the gay community. Like it's the equivalent of marching in the Pride parade or campaigning for marriage equity.
And so understandably these people get very threatened when someone implies that what they write or what they like to read might actually be hurting the community. They get defensive. They overreact. They make this community a unwelcoming place for different voices ... ironically many of those voices turn out to belong to actual gay men.
But this is silly. I can think of no situation where great social injustices have been corrected through porn (well okay maybe Deep Throat but only indirectly!). If you want to show your support for the gay community, do it with your actions, not with what you gets you off.
The best way to keep M/M open and respectful of the gay community is to be honest about its significance. I think Emma put it best:
I read m/m as a play space in which we, the readers and writers, wear male avatars. M/m is not about gay men any more than it is about vampires, dance competitions, or giraffe shifters. M/m explores the panoply of human relationships (and sometimes, lack of relationships: see Doubtless). The genre plays with the notion of a traditional hetero binary, with triads, with ideas of power exchange, with ideas of equality.
Yes! And there's no reason why this play can't peacefully coexist with more realistic depiction of real-life-gayness, but we have to allow them to coexist which means we have to check our egos at the door, be honest about what we really want in a story and stop trying to rebrand ourselves into "coolness".
November 19, 2012
Things I'm Not Sure Anyone Wants To Read That I Nevertheless Write
Oh boy ... who wants 40K freebie? What's the catch? Well ... hm ... it's a series of character studies based on Guttersnipe and frankly I'm pretty sure it makes no sense if you haven't read Guttersnipe ... so, you ten over there. This is for you ;)
That's right I've finally finished Lords of the Gutter. Incest, rape, emotional abuse ... Just in time for Thanksgiving :) It can be downloaded from Smashwords for free here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/256763
The idea behind Lords of the Gutter was filling out some of the characterizations of Guttersnipe. 90K of mindfuckery ... there wasn't really that much room to go into every detail of every character. This meant if you're the sort of reader who wants everything spelled out, Guttersnipe probably wasn't for you. It ended up being a very cerebral book I guess ... as illustrated by the number of long, in-depth reviews.
Lords of the Gutter is split into three parts, each part not so much a story as a collection of vignettes relating to a relationship between two Guttersnipe characters. Everything is fade to black, no erotica, references to rape, incest and physical abuse but all off page. It's a much tamer book than Guttersnipe ... maybe not anywhere near as interesting or as fun :/
Marco and Zach
Part of the challenge of doing something with Marco and Zach was staying true to Zach's asexuality. Not making Zach the weepy bottom or some other boy-man M/M cliche. I really love their relationship, but it wasn't easy to figure out how to portray it. I knew one thing for sure: I did not want this to be a story of Marco's magical cock healing poor broken Zach.
Evelyn and Nick
Nick is probably one of the most underdeveloped characters in Guttersnipe. Deliberately so <spoiler> I felt strongly that the better developed he was the more likely people were going to see right through his "death". I figured if he seemed minor, people were more likely to assume that I killed him off to bring Derek and Marco together. </spoiler> Lords of the Gutter became a good opportunity to help people get to know him better ... first through thirty pages of incest (O.o) then through his relationship with Derek. What I found interesting in this story was that I came away from writing it suspecting that it actually portrays Nick in a very unflattering light. The way to betrays two people to save himself. I wonder how sympathetic anyone will find Nick?
Derek and Nick
See this is romantic to me, but it's obviously not romantic to anyone else (hah). My beta on this described Derek and Nick's relationship as "like an arranged marriage" and .... yeah, I confess, I've always been very fond of those sorts of things. I know now that people want hearts and stars and googley eyes and cum coming out your nose sort of LOVE STORIES ... but I've always found these sorts of relationships much more endearing and sweet ;)
In the end .... well to be honest, this isn't my best work. Guttersnipe remains the book I am most proud of, most happy with, found the most satisfying to write ... Lords of the Gutter on the other hand ... hm... it's free, it has a really pretty cover, and it has it's moments I think.
We'll see how it goes.
That's right I've finally finished Lords of the Gutter. Incest, rape, emotional abuse ... Just in time for Thanksgiving :) It can be downloaded from Smashwords for free here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/256763
The idea behind Lords of the Gutter was filling out some of the characterizations of Guttersnipe. 90K of mindfuckery ... there wasn't really that much room to go into every detail of every character. This meant if you're the sort of reader who wants everything spelled out, Guttersnipe probably wasn't for you. It ended up being a very cerebral book I guess ... as illustrated by the number of long, in-depth reviews.
Lords of the Gutter is split into three parts, each part not so much a story as a collection of vignettes relating to a relationship between two Guttersnipe characters. Everything is fade to black, no erotica, references to rape, incest and physical abuse but all off page. It's a much tamer book than Guttersnipe ... maybe not anywhere near as interesting or as fun :/
Marco and Zach
Part of the challenge of doing something with Marco and Zach was staying true to Zach's asexuality. Not making Zach the weepy bottom or some other boy-man M/M cliche. I really love their relationship, but it wasn't easy to figure out how to portray it. I knew one thing for sure: I did not want this to be a story of Marco's magical cock healing poor broken Zach.
Evelyn and Nick
Nick is probably one of the most underdeveloped characters in Guttersnipe. Deliberately so <spoiler> I felt strongly that the better developed he was the more likely people were going to see right through his "death". I figured if he seemed minor, people were more likely to assume that I killed him off to bring Derek and Marco together. </spoiler> Lords of the Gutter became a good opportunity to help people get to know him better ... first through thirty pages of incest (O.o) then through his relationship with Derek. What I found interesting in this story was that I came away from writing it suspecting that it actually portrays Nick in a very unflattering light. The way to betrays two people to save himself. I wonder how sympathetic anyone will find Nick?
Derek and Nick
See this is romantic to me, but it's obviously not romantic to anyone else (hah). My beta on this described Derek and Nick's relationship as "like an arranged marriage" and .... yeah, I confess, I've always been very fond of those sorts of things. I know now that people want hearts and stars and googley eyes and cum coming out your nose sort of LOVE STORIES ... but I've always found these sorts of relationships much more endearing and sweet ;)
In the end .... well to be honest, this isn't my best work. Guttersnipe remains the book I am most proud of, most happy with, found the most satisfying to write ... Lords of the Gutter on the other hand ... hm... it's free, it has a really pretty cover, and it has it's moments I think.
We'll see how it goes.
November 11, 2012
Kink in the New York Times!
My favorite thing on Sunday is to sit with a glass of orange juice, a simple breakfast, and the NYT's Sunday Styles section... Not for the articles on fashion and socialites (although sometimes those are nice too), but for Modern Love-- the Times regular column on irregular and untraditional relationships.
The subject matter isn't always all that revolutionary. Mostly the columnists just describe quirky situations in their fairly normal monogamous love lives. But this week the topic is KINK-- specifically spanking... and I may have a girlcrush on the columnist:
YES! YES! :D Preach on sister! This was a big part of why I wanted to write a story like The Condor. I was so sick of kink being portrayed as something dark and disturbing. KINK IS FUN! :D
Also, Jillian Keenan, in addition to falling in love with you and your adorable "vanilla" boyfriend David ... I also want your collection:
8D~~~~ I can think of *cough* a few hundred members of a certain GR group that might want to compare links with you, Ms Keenan.
Anyway, the whole column is sweet and adorable with the best ending line possible. You can find it online at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/11/fashion/modern-love-a-spanking-fetish-is-not-revealed-easily.html
The subject matter isn't always all that revolutionary. Mostly the columnists just describe quirky situations in their fairly normal monogamous love lives. But this week the topic is KINK-- specifically spanking... and I may have a girlcrush on the columnist:
Even popular books and movies link erotic spanking to severe psychological trauma. In “Fifty Shades of Grey,” Christian Grey’s passion for erotic pain is a result of extreme childhood abuse. The 2002 film “Secretary” suggests that the main character’s spanking obsession is merely a preferable alternative to self-mutilation.
YES! YES! :D Preach on sister! This was a big part of why I wanted to write a story like The Condor. I was so sick of kink being portrayed as something dark and disturbing. KINK IS FUN! :D
Also, Jillian Keenan, in addition to falling in love with you and your adorable "vanilla" boyfriend David ... I also want your collection:
On my computer, hidden inside a series of password-protected folders, is a folder labeled “David, If You Find This, Please Don’t Look Inside.” It has my favorite spanking stories I’ve collected online. A small fraction are what you’d imagine: A man spanks a woman, then they have sex. In the vast majority, though, both characters are men, have a platonic relationship, and no sex or romanticism is involved.
8D~~~~ I can think of *cough* a few hundred members of a certain GR group that might want to compare links with you, Ms Keenan.
Anyway, the whole column is sweet and adorable with the best ending line possible. You can find it online at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/11/fashion/modern-love-a-spanking-fetish-is-not-revealed-easily.html
October 27, 2012
I <3 Cover Art
Okay I'm blogging too much. But this is my first weekend off in two months :D So I'm doing nothing but lazy, ridiculous things ... like designing cover art for upcoming releases so that I'm committed to them and don't slack off.
Here's what you can expect from me in the coming months
I will hopefully finish the first draft of Lords of the Gutter this weekend and can move on to finding a beta for it (volunteers?). The Freelancers: The Mercenary is totally going to be my NaNoWri project. I'm planning on making it much more Yuri (and possibly Sasha) focused to the first volume's Tyler-Dmitry frame. Even with NaNoWri success, I'm not planning on having it ready for private release until January.
Meanwhile the Condor Christmas story will be released in December ... my success or failure with this crazy schedule depends entirely on my ability to keep this one SHORT. Just a little morsel of Harry/Logan deliciousness to go with your spiked eggnog :)
Lastly I've decided to commit to a Danny-centric Condor sequel because I like the idea way too much not to do. Danny is a character whose motives in The Condor are probably the least clearly developed. It will be fun to build him out in a little more detail. And of course Jude too who will definitely be his love interest. This will be another serial ... probably starting March-ish? Depending on work schedule.
But mostly I just wanted to show off pretty covers :D *sigh* Why won't they let me do this stuff for real?
Here's what you can expect from me in the coming months
I will hopefully finish the first draft of Lords of the Gutter this weekend and can move on to finding a beta for it (volunteers?). The Freelancers: The Mercenary is totally going to be my NaNoWri project. I'm planning on making it much more Yuri (and possibly Sasha) focused to the first volume's Tyler-Dmitry frame. Even with NaNoWri success, I'm not planning on having it ready for private release until January.
Meanwhile the Condor Christmas story will be released in December ... my success or failure with this crazy schedule depends entirely on my ability to keep this one SHORT. Just a little morsel of Harry/Logan deliciousness to go with your spiked eggnog :)
Lastly I've decided to commit to a Danny-centric Condor sequel because I like the idea way too much not to do. Danny is a character whose motives in The Condor are probably the least clearly developed. It will be fun to build him out in a little more detail. And of course Jude too who will definitely be his love interest. This will be another serial ... probably starting March-ish? Depending on work schedule.
But mostly I just wanted to show off pretty covers :D *sigh* Why won't they let me do this stuff for real?
October 26, 2012
What's The Title of This Blog Post?
I've been thinking more and more about demographics and taste. How my current life position influences what I want to read, and by extension what I want to write. I think intellectually we all understand that tastes vary, but I think emotionally we all just naturally assume that our tastes are the default. Other people may like strange things, but the things we think are wonderful everyone must also find wonderful too.
It's no secret, I've often been frustrated by what readers in the M/M community keep telling me is good and what I should write in order to achieve that standard of "goodness". Frustrated because no matter how I try it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't make myself enjoy certain "popular" books. I can't make myself want to change my stories to fit the suggested criteria.
As I look at all the pictures from GRL going around Goodreads, it finally hits me. The internet can be such a contentious place because it shelters us from the in-person signals that will often steer us away from bad behavior. Make us second guess just long enough for the opportunity to be lost. I think it's so easy to stir up shit on the net because the opportunity to respond never passes ... but ALSO because we sit at our screens and ever-so-naturally assume we are basically talking to ourselves. We become blind to age, race, gender, sexual identity, but in being so we become less tolerant of differences because those differences become more confounding-- What do you mean you disagree? That makes no sense!
When you can see the face of the person you're talking to. It's easier to put differences of opinion in context with their age, race, etc, etc, etc. And paradoxically I think we become more tolerant in these environments because your opinion no longer becomes something that threatens how I look among people like me. You are not from my group. Our disagreement does not equal social rejection for one of us.
Anyway, I've decided to do something I don't like doing in general ... writing about myself ^_^;;; Some of you may have noticed, whereas other writers have author bios pages long ... mine tend to be two or three lines. And that's if they're there AT ALL. Any time I can get away with not writing them I go for it because I really hate talking about myself.
But there are some elements of who I am that strongly affect my tastes and my decision making process. Maybe we should title this list "Things To Know About Isa Before You Read Her Books" instead. That's certainly what it feels like ... but anyway. In no particular order:
1 - I just turned 30 this September
That makes me about ten to twenty years younger than most M/M readers. But more important than my physical age is the life situation around it: I'm not married, have never been married, have no kids, have only one friend married with kids. I tend to be attracted to books that represent future possibilities, because right now life hasn't lost its early I-can-be-ANYTHING-I-WANT feel. Travel! adventure! interesting esoteric subjects! Bring it on! Stories about settling down in happliy-ever-after ... I'll pass XD
2 - I work in tech. My actual job title is hacker (seriously)
...But only occasionally that kind of hacking :p Most of the people I work with are young men in their twenties. It's definitely a frat house culture. Free alcohol and junk food is literally everywhere. You know that scene from The Social Network where they're taking shots and writing code? ... yeah, it's not that far off.
I don't like to put too much tech into my work, nor do I like to read tech stuff in fiction. Technology does not advance in the glamorous way readers want. One technology does not just completely displace another: we still have horse and carts, we still have radios, we still have typewriters ... we just use them for different things.
Nevertheless my technical background does often seep into the background of my stuff. Towards the end of How To Quit Playing Hockey there's a scene where Mac and Stammer are talking about Fritzy "checking in" to an arena and the possibility of him becoming "mayor" ... both references to tech darling Foursquare. I didn't think anything of it until every single editor at Loose Id highlighted "mayor" is a potential error because they had no idea what Foursquare was. Haha.
3 - I live at home with my parents, but that's not at all unusual for people with my job
Not because we're young, but because we travel so much. Some squat in sublets, crash on couches, live with family ... I have one colleague who is functionally homeless. He lives out of his backpack, crashing on couch after couch with his girlfriend in tow. Another goes months where he only sees his own bed maybe three nights in total.
With rents being what they are, it doesn't always make sense to live like an adult :)
This weekend is my first free weekend in two months. I speak at conferences, I attend overnight events ... when I'm home bound I leave for work at 8am and don't get back until 8pm at the earliest.
I've lived on my own before and I have the resources to do so now. But I've come to appreciate the benefits of not coming home to an empty house/apartment with no food (or worse food that has gone bad!) when you live this type of life. Despite the fact that I'm living with them, I barely see my parents @_@
I've been thinking more and more about eventually buying my own place. I make enough money to do it (even with NYC prices)... but I feel like without the support system here my lifestyle would gradually add loneliness and depression to exhaustion (heh) So I don't know.
4 - I tested with an extremely high IQ as a child but I also have a pretty severe learning disability
Most people assume that learning disabilities put a cap on your potential IQ right off the bat, but the reality is the two things have nothing to do with one another. My learning disability affects my ability to communicate clearly and to understand what others are trying to explain (sometimes). On the worst days I feel trapped in an invisible box. On the best I come off as a bit eccentric. I have certain ways of reworking knowledge so that it fits comfortably in my brain and over time I've figured out my learning style and how best to conquer the most troubling elements.
But it's still there. Anyone who's ever read my work unedited will tell you that. I leave the ends off words, swap out words with others by mistake, sometimes leave out words altogether. And I could reread something I wrote seventeen times and still not see those errors.
If you've ever written a review where you've commented upon my "typos" I promise you I've fantasized about punching you in the face ;)
I know! I know! You have to say it. I try really hard not to get offended that the review never thought to help me out by sending me an email, instead chose to make me look stupid in front of everyone over something that usually takes ten minutes to fix. Nothing makes me more rage face than this attitude that my mistakes are a sign of laziness or carelessness. When people say "Oh this was really good, but you should have taken a minute to proofread it quickly" I can't help the urge to stab things to death. The truth is I did proofread it. I probably proofread it three or four times, over the course of a couple of hours. Fuck it, I can't think my way out of my own brain, okay?
(For this reason I will never able be to fully express my gratitude to the people who *do* take the time to send me correction when they notice errors. Please don't think you're being rude or offending me!)
The other major effect this has on my writing is the way I deal with other writers and editors. When I was younger, as soon as people found out I was learning disabled they basically started treating me like I was intellectually inferior, even if they had considered me an equal up to that point. As a result I have zero tolerance for the logical-fallacy-loving-pretentions of many "writers" ... I'm sometimes (okay most of the time) arrogant as a defense mechanism, but I respect people who can argue their perspective with actual data rather than stupid "everyone knows this is true" bullying. I'll yield to people who can make their case without throwing their ego around and destroy anyone who tries to force me to agree by whipping up some BS "trust me, I know".
When I was in high school all of my peers and some of my teachers discouraged me from really trying to be the best at anything because it was "known" that people with learning disabilities could only be second best to people without them. If I managed to beat a "normal" person at something it was only because I cheated ... or the other person wasn't really trying.
Well now I make three times as much money as all those people and have just been invited to speak at Yale, so anyone who justifies their opinion with "everyone knows this is the case" can fuck off.
5 - I have poly-leanings and lots of LGBT friends
I write about asexuals because for a long time I felt that might be what I was ... now I realize it was never the sex that I didn't want, it was the relationship ^_^;;;; I like my personal space, I like A LOT of personal space and I've found the poly lifestyle to be psychologically appealing because it means that partners won't be completely dependent on me to be there 24/7. I'm fine with commitments, fidelity and putting work into a relationship ... I just need more solitude than most others and I get that it's not fair to leave a partner alone for as long as I sometimes do.
My closeness to alternative sexualities means that I have a very knee-jerk negative reaction to anything that tries to force all relationships in a hetero-nominative mold. Especially "menage"! Okay ... a good M/M romance where there's a "masculine" partner and a "feminine" partner is fine once and a while (it's not as if that never actually happens in real relationships. I would never challenge an author for wanting to write it).
But M/M is primarily a market of straight monogamist women writing for other straight monogamist women and sometimes the "give me my m/f fantasy with more penises involved" thing gets a little out of hand for my tastes. I get really annoyed at the whining when the "romance" doesn't end up the way m/f love stories are supposed to end. I mean, I don't want sad, depressing, everyone-dies endings either ... but come on, there's more to a great relationship than Cinderella-style I love yous.
So ... basically, in conclusion (if you will), I write young because I am young. I don't write traditional romantic relationships because I'm not interested in traditional romantic relationships. I give away so much of my work for free because I'm obsessed with my IRL job and don't have any interest or passion in doing this "writer thing" as a professional. I come off as disrespectful to your favorite writers because I'm fundamentally against this idea that rank and prestige makes one person's opinion better than someone else's.
This is who I am as a person :)
It's no secret, I've often been frustrated by what readers in the M/M community keep telling me is good and what I should write in order to achieve that standard of "goodness". Frustrated because no matter how I try it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't make myself enjoy certain "popular" books. I can't make myself want to change my stories to fit the suggested criteria.
As I look at all the pictures from GRL going around Goodreads, it finally hits me. The internet can be such a contentious place because it shelters us from the in-person signals that will often steer us away from bad behavior. Make us second guess just long enough for the opportunity to be lost. I think it's so easy to stir up shit on the net because the opportunity to respond never passes ... but ALSO because we sit at our screens and ever-so-naturally assume we are basically talking to ourselves. We become blind to age, race, gender, sexual identity, but in being so we become less tolerant of differences because those differences become more confounding-- What do you mean you disagree? That makes no sense!
When you can see the face of the person you're talking to. It's easier to put differences of opinion in context with their age, race, etc, etc, etc. And paradoxically I think we become more tolerant in these environments because your opinion no longer becomes something that threatens how I look among people like me. You are not from my group. Our disagreement does not equal social rejection for one of us.
Anyway, I've decided to do something I don't like doing in general ... writing about myself ^_^;;; Some of you may have noticed, whereas other writers have author bios pages long ... mine tend to be two or three lines. And that's if they're there AT ALL. Any time I can get away with not writing them I go for it because I really hate talking about myself.
But there are some elements of who I am that strongly affect my tastes and my decision making process. Maybe we should title this list "Things To Know About Isa Before You Read Her Books" instead. That's certainly what it feels like ... but anyway. In no particular order:
1 - I just turned 30 this September
That makes me about ten to twenty years younger than most M/M readers. But more important than my physical age is the life situation around it: I'm not married, have never been married, have no kids, have only one friend married with kids. I tend to be attracted to books that represent future possibilities, because right now life hasn't lost its early I-can-be-ANYTHING-I-WANT feel. Travel! adventure! interesting esoteric subjects! Bring it on! Stories about settling down in happliy-ever-after ... I'll pass XD
2 - I work in tech. My actual job title is hacker (seriously)
...But only occasionally that kind of hacking :p Most of the people I work with are young men in their twenties. It's definitely a frat house culture. Free alcohol and junk food is literally everywhere. You know that scene from The Social Network where they're taking shots and writing code? ... yeah, it's not that far off.
I don't like to put too much tech into my work, nor do I like to read tech stuff in fiction. Technology does not advance in the glamorous way readers want. One technology does not just completely displace another: we still have horse and carts, we still have radios, we still have typewriters ... we just use them for different things.
Nevertheless my technical background does often seep into the background of my stuff. Towards the end of How To Quit Playing Hockey there's a scene where Mac and Stammer are talking about Fritzy "checking in" to an arena and the possibility of him becoming "mayor" ... both references to tech darling Foursquare. I didn't think anything of it until every single editor at Loose Id highlighted "mayor" is a potential error because they had no idea what Foursquare was. Haha.
3 - I live at home with my parents, but that's not at all unusual for people with my job
Not because we're young, but because we travel so much. Some squat in sublets, crash on couches, live with family ... I have one colleague who is functionally homeless. He lives out of his backpack, crashing on couch after couch with his girlfriend in tow. Another goes months where he only sees his own bed maybe three nights in total.
With rents being what they are, it doesn't always make sense to live like an adult :)
This weekend is my first free weekend in two months. I speak at conferences, I attend overnight events ... when I'm home bound I leave for work at 8am and don't get back until 8pm at the earliest.
I've lived on my own before and I have the resources to do so now. But I've come to appreciate the benefits of not coming home to an empty house/apartment with no food (or worse food that has gone bad!) when you live this type of life. Despite the fact that I'm living with them, I barely see my parents @_@
I've been thinking more and more about eventually buying my own place. I make enough money to do it (even with NYC prices)... but I feel like without the support system here my lifestyle would gradually add loneliness and depression to exhaustion (heh) So I don't know.
4 - I tested with an extremely high IQ as a child but I also have a pretty severe learning disability
Most people assume that learning disabilities put a cap on your potential IQ right off the bat, but the reality is the two things have nothing to do with one another. My learning disability affects my ability to communicate clearly and to understand what others are trying to explain (sometimes). On the worst days I feel trapped in an invisible box. On the best I come off as a bit eccentric. I have certain ways of reworking knowledge so that it fits comfortably in my brain and over time I've figured out my learning style and how best to conquer the most troubling elements.
But it's still there. Anyone who's ever read my work unedited will tell you that. I leave the ends off words, swap out words with others by mistake, sometimes leave out words altogether. And I could reread something I wrote seventeen times and still not see those errors.
If you've ever written a review where you've commented upon my "typos" I promise you I've fantasized about punching you in the face ;)
I know! I know! You have to say it. I try really hard not to get offended that the review never thought to help me out by sending me an email, instead chose to make me look stupid in front of everyone over something that usually takes ten minutes to fix. Nothing makes me more rage face than this attitude that my mistakes are a sign of laziness or carelessness. When people say "Oh this was really good, but you should have taken a minute to proofread it quickly" I can't help the urge to stab things to death. The truth is I did proofread it. I probably proofread it three or four times, over the course of a couple of hours. Fuck it, I can't think my way out of my own brain, okay?
(For this reason I will never able be to fully express my gratitude to the people who *do* take the time to send me correction when they notice errors. Please don't think you're being rude or offending me!)
The other major effect this has on my writing is the way I deal with other writers and editors. When I was younger, as soon as people found out I was learning disabled they basically started treating me like I was intellectually inferior, even if they had considered me an equal up to that point. As a result I have zero tolerance for the logical-fallacy-loving-pretentions of many "writers" ... I'm sometimes (okay most of the time) arrogant as a defense mechanism, but I respect people who can argue their perspective with actual data rather than stupid "everyone knows this is true" bullying. I'll yield to people who can make their case without throwing their ego around and destroy anyone who tries to force me to agree by whipping up some BS "trust me, I know".
When I was in high school all of my peers and some of my teachers discouraged me from really trying to be the best at anything because it was "known" that people with learning disabilities could only be second best to people without them. If I managed to beat a "normal" person at something it was only because I cheated ... or the other person wasn't really trying.
Well now I make three times as much money as all those people and have just been invited to speak at Yale, so anyone who justifies their opinion with "everyone knows this is the case" can fuck off.
5 - I have poly-leanings and lots of LGBT friends
I write about asexuals because for a long time I felt that might be what I was ... now I realize it was never the sex that I didn't want, it was the relationship ^_^;;;; I like my personal space, I like A LOT of personal space and I've found the poly lifestyle to be psychologically appealing because it means that partners won't be completely dependent on me to be there 24/7. I'm fine with commitments, fidelity and putting work into a relationship ... I just need more solitude than most others and I get that it's not fair to leave a partner alone for as long as I sometimes do.
My closeness to alternative sexualities means that I have a very knee-jerk negative reaction to anything that tries to force all relationships in a hetero-nominative mold. Especially "menage"! Okay ... a good M/M romance where there's a "masculine" partner and a "feminine" partner is fine once and a while (it's not as if that never actually happens in real relationships. I would never challenge an author for wanting to write it).
But M/M is primarily a market of straight monogamist women writing for other straight monogamist women and sometimes the "give me my m/f fantasy with more penises involved" thing gets a little out of hand for my tastes. I get really annoyed at the whining when the "romance" doesn't end up the way m/f love stories are supposed to end. I mean, I don't want sad, depressing, everyone-dies endings either ... but come on, there's more to a great relationship than Cinderella-style I love yous.
So ... basically, in conclusion (if you will), I write young because I am young. I don't write traditional romantic relationships because I'm not interested in traditional romantic relationships. I give away so much of my work for free because I'm obsessed with my IRL job and don't have any interest or passion in doing this "writer thing" as a professional. I come off as disrespectful to your favorite writers because I'm fundamentally against this idea that rank and prestige makes one person's opinion better than someone else's.
This is who I am as a person :)
October 22, 2012
Four Thoughts on The Condor
1 - The Condor is about stereotypes. I work in a field where there are not many women ... in fact, a colleague asked me how many women do my job in the industry and ... I couldn't think of a single other person O.o
I've always been a bit of a tomboy. Being the only female in the room has never bothered me. What has bothered me is the suggestion from other females that all the trappings of traditional femininity (makeup, fashion, boys, etc) play no role in my life because I am a tomboy.
People's inability to accept the idea that I can be BOTH one of the guys AND stare lustfully at things in Sephora means I'm forced to compartmentalize my life. The attitude is: I'm either the tomboy who loves hockey and hacks with the computer geeks or I'm the kinky sex kitten who writes romance in her spare time. ONE OF THESE THINGS MUST BE FAKE. Even though they both come from the same place and are fueled by the same aspects of my personality.
The Condor was a vehicle to express my frustration with this. Every character in it has two, contrasting sides to them. Harry is both the ultra masculine dom AND the snappy, makeup loving, babydoll calling queen. Logan is both cold, confident, arrogant AND also needy, soft and sensitive. Latrisha is both a glamorous diva and a middle aged man in a dress :D
2 - When did BDSM = Depressing? More than anything I wanted The Condor to be fun and silly, because hanging out with BDSM fans is starting to feel like hanging out with a bunch of goths. I don't get it. Kink is fun! I don't understand why BDSM stories always have to be about tragic pasts, abuses, and self-loathing. Can't a person be tied up and spanked just because it's fun?
3 - Danny is a real person. Sort of anyway. This is the first book where the order I wrote things is (mostly) the order you read them. Usually I write a couple of key scenes first and then go back to fill in the gaps. That didn't happen here because what pushed The Condor from idea to actual WIP was being approached by a young, lanky, gorgeous street canvasser while on my way to meet my parents for lunch. The first scene in the book is virtually identical to what happened (obviously without the prostitution bits *lol*) and by the time I got home, Harry's narrative was going strong in my head.
4 - With every book I've written I hit a point where I don't eat, sleep, or do anything else but write. Usually this lasts three days, with The Condor is lasted a month. Affectionately dubbed "Turbo mode" by my friends, I often have to be forcibly dragged away from my computer for meals. I don't do it on purpose... it's just one of those things. I think "Oh just let me get to the end of this sentence", I stand up to leave ... then barely two steps away the next sentence crystalizes in my mind and I have to write it down before it escapes.
Lather-Rinse-Repeat :)
For basically one month I did nothing but write The Condor. Those who read the serial will remember at one point I was doing three installments a week ... always expecting to slow down soon ... it never really happened.
I've always been a bit of a tomboy. Being the only female in the room has never bothered me. What has bothered me is the suggestion from other females that all the trappings of traditional femininity (makeup, fashion, boys, etc) play no role in my life because I am a tomboy.
People's inability to accept the idea that I can be BOTH one of the guys AND stare lustfully at things in Sephora means I'm forced to compartmentalize my life. The attitude is: I'm either the tomboy who loves hockey and hacks with the computer geeks or I'm the kinky sex kitten who writes romance in her spare time. ONE OF THESE THINGS MUST BE FAKE. Even though they both come from the same place and are fueled by the same aspects of my personality.
The Condor was a vehicle to express my frustration with this. Every character in it has two, contrasting sides to them. Harry is both the ultra masculine dom AND the snappy, makeup loving, babydoll calling queen. Logan is both cold, confident, arrogant AND also needy, soft and sensitive. Latrisha is both a glamorous diva and a middle aged man in a dress :D
2 - When did BDSM = Depressing? More than anything I wanted The Condor to be fun and silly, because hanging out with BDSM fans is starting to feel like hanging out with a bunch of goths. I don't get it. Kink is fun! I don't understand why BDSM stories always have to be about tragic pasts, abuses, and self-loathing. Can't a person be tied up and spanked just because it's fun?
3 - Danny is a real person. Sort of anyway. This is the first book where the order I wrote things is (mostly) the order you read them. Usually I write a couple of key scenes first and then go back to fill in the gaps. That didn't happen here because what pushed The Condor from idea to actual WIP was being approached by a young, lanky, gorgeous street canvasser while on my way to meet my parents for lunch. The first scene in the book is virtually identical to what happened (obviously without the prostitution bits *lol*) and by the time I got home, Harry's narrative was going strong in my head.
4 - With every book I've written I hit a point where I don't eat, sleep, or do anything else but write. Usually this lasts three days, with The Condor is lasted a month. Affectionately dubbed "Turbo mode" by my friends, I often have to be forcibly dragged away from my computer for meals. I don't do it on purpose... it's just one of those things. I think "Oh just let me get to the end of this sentence", I stand up to leave ... then barely two steps away the next sentence crystalizes in my mind and I have to write it down before it escapes.
Lather-Rinse-Repeat :)
For basically one month I did nothing but write The Condor. Those who read the serial will remember at one point I was doing three installments a week ... always expecting to slow down soon ... it never really happened.
October 11, 2012
A Return to Freelancing
For some time I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with The Freelancers (otherwise know as the serial Emma DNFed haha~ Admittedly it did take me a rather long time to get to the point with the first draft. I've since completely rewritten the first five chapters). It is in my mind a trilogy and the hold up has always been that... well it is obviously not suitable for traditional publication, and I didn't want to self publish it if I couldn't get the whole thing out. I did not want a different editor for each book. I wanted the money available to guarantee Book III would come out before I released Book I.
I played around with a couple of different ideas about how to accomplish this, nothing seemed likely to work and as I've moved on and published other things the less I've really wanted to publish this story versus just releasing it.
Let me explain: I'm getting kind of sick of reading "this book isn't really [insert genre]" attached to reviews of my books. Okay, yes, I get that it's important for reviewers to express themselves on these points so that readers can make an informed decision ... but at the same time I've had publishers/editors and other writers hold up these comments as proof that the stories I want to tell are not worth telling because they don't fit a freaking checklist of everything a satisfying "romance" (or whatever) should be. I hate these rules. I hate that when you publish something people can fill a review with praise but then caution others against reading because it won't deliver the pre-packaged fantasy they want. It's unbelievably frustrating to be told that good writing is about following the formula.
The Freelancers is very much that frustrating un-checklist book. It's a spy novel that focuses more on the black comedy of government bureaucracy, it's a crime drama where the mob deals more in fraud and counterfeiting than glamorous drugs, guns and whores, it's a story of human trafficking that focuses on forced labor of male victims rather than the tantalizing sex slavery cover story. It's a M/M romance that will more than likely end like a Tarantino movie.
It's not perfect, it's not a masterpiece. There's still something not right about it to me ... like I'm reaching out but not exactly hitting what I want to say, not really capturing the feel of the books that intoxicated and inspired me (The Human Factor: Inside the CIA's Dysfunctional Intelligence Culture and McMafia: A Journey Through the Global Underworld mainly). But it occurred to me the other day that when I started writing it I just wanted to have fun telling a campy, snarky, violent story. Like the early James Bond movies: fun, sexy and semi-ridiculous without being outright comedy.
At some point along the way my thinking about this story got corrupted. I got distracted by the idea that I had something to prove as a writer. I couldn't do a B-movie style book, I had to produce something people could respect. I got away from what I wanted and the whole project just became a clusterfuck.
So, I know what reviewers will say and I kind of don't want to fucking hear it . Not in a special-snowflake-my-work-is-glorious sort of way ... I just don't understand this attitude of reading books to get the story you've already decided you want. I have my kinks and my interests, but give me a book that tries to do something different any day.
This last year I've learned that I'm mostly alone in that desire for different. That's okay ... but it makes me less interested in putting out books, less interested in being "a writer", versus finding a different way to get the story out there.
So here's what I'm thinking. Fuck it, I'm putting The Freelancers series out as a private release. Meaning that, if you want to read it, email me, PM me, comment here and I will send you a copy for free in the format of your choice. Review it or not, redistribute it to others, put it up on those illegal book pirate sites. I do not fucking care. Anyone who wants can have-- I will even send it to you in an editable format so that you can rewrite it if you want-- but it will not be available for download on Smashwords or for purchase anywhere.
It will not be edited, and those of you who have read my serials before know what that means. I have a learning disability I've struggled with basically my entire life. I leave endings off words, occasionally leave out words or swap them for others by accident. Deal with. I will do my best to clean up everything as much as possible, but I'm not hiring an editor. These books will not be "published" I just want to share them with people who have enjoyed my other stories. That's it. I want to have fun writing something and send it to people who will enjoy it. I don't want to be shamed publicly for not fulfilling my obligation to entertain you appropriately. I don't want to listen to complaints about how I'm not writing M/M correctly or deal with people who don't get that I'm not a monkey with a typewriter who can be trained to hit keys in a certain order with enough positive reinforcement. If my mistakes or my detest for cookie cutter romance bothers you, don't ask me for a copy.
I'm not saying you can't give me your honest opinion, of course you can. But there will be no potential readers waiting for your verdict before they decide to purchase. I fully expect everyone who asks me for a copy to be people I know and interact with everyday on GR. That crowd more than knows what they're getting into already.
Anyway, Book I still needs a little work ... I may or may not force it on Emma just to see what she thinks *lol* (she doesn't know yet) ... but if you're interested let me know and hopefully I'll have something for you in a couple of weeks.
Then I can focus on Book II ^_^
I played around with a couple of different ideas about how to accomplish this, nothing seemed likely to work and as I've moved on and published other things the less I've really wanted to publish this story versus just releasing it.
Let me explain: I'm getting kind of sick of reading "this book isn't really [insert genre]" attached to reviews of my books. Okay, yes, I get that it's important for reviewers to express themselves on these points so that readers can make an informed decision ... but at the same time I've had publishers/editors and other writers hold up these comments as proof that the stories I want to tell are not worth telling because they don't fit a freaking checklist of everything a satisfying "romance" (or whatever) should be. I hate these rules. I hate that when you publish something people can fill a review with praise but then caution others against reading because it won't deliver the pre-packaged fantasy they want. It's unbelievably frustrating to be told that good writing is about following the formula.
The Freelancers is very much that frustrating un-checklist book. It's a spy novel that focuses more on the black comedy of government bureaucracy, it's a crime drama where the mob deals more in fraud and counterfeiting than glamorous drugs, guns and whores, it's a story of human trafficking that focuses on forced labor of male victims rather than the tantalizing sex slavery cover story. It's a M/M romance that will more than likely end like a Tarantino movie.
It's not perfect, it's not a masterpiece. There's still something not right about it to me ... like I'm reaching out but not exactly hitting what I want to say, not really capturing the feel of the books that intoxicated and inspired me (The Human Factor: Inside the CIA's Dysfunctional Intelligence Culture and McMafia: A Journey Through the Global Underworld mainly). But it occurred to me the other day that when I started writing it I just wanted to have fun telling a campy, snarky, violent story. Like the early James Bond movies: fun, sexy and semi-ridiculous without being outright comedy.
At some point along the way my thinking about this story got corrupted. I got distracted by the idea that I had something to prove as a writer. I couldn't do a B-movie style book, I had to produce something people could respect. I got away from what I wanted and the whole project just became a clusterfuck.
So, I know what reviewers will say and I kind of don't want to fucking hear it . Not in a special-snowflake-my-work-is-glorious sort of way ... I just don't understand this attitude of reading books to get the story you've already decided you want. I have my kinks and my interests, but give me a book that tries to do something different any day.
This last year I've learned that I'm mostly alone in that desire for different. That's okay ... but it makes me less interested in putting out books, less interested in being "a writer", versus finding a different way to get the story out there.
So here's what I'm thinking. Fuck it, I'm putting The Freelancers series out as a private release. Meaning that, if you want to read it, email me, PM me, comment here and I will send you a copy for free in the format of your choice. Review it or not, redistribute it to others, put it up on those illegal book pirate sites. I do not fucking care. Anyone who wants can have-- I will even send it to you in an editable format so that you can rewrite it if you want-- but it will not be available for download on Smashwords or for purchase anywhere.
It will not be edited, and those of you who have read my serials before know what that means. I have a learning disability I've struggled with basically my entire life. I leave endings off words, occasionally leave out words or swap them for others by accident. Deal with. I will do my best to clean up everything as much as possible, but I'm not hiring an editor. These books will not be "published" I just want to share them with people who have enjoyed my other stories. That's it. I want to have fun writing something and send it to people who will enjoy it. I don't want to be shamed publicly for not fulfilling my obligation to entertain you appropriately. I don't want to listen to complaints about how I'm not writing M/M correctly or deal with people who don't get that I'm not a monkey with a typewriter who can be trained to hit keys in a certain order with enough positive reinforcement. If my mistakes or my detest for cookie cutter romance bothers you, don't ask me for a copy.
I'm not saying you can't give me your honest opinion, of course you can. But there will be no potential readers waiting for your verdict before they decide to purchase. I fully expect everyone who asks me for a copy to be people I know and interact with everyday on GR. That crowd more than knows what they're getting into already.
Anyway, Book I still needs a little work ... I may or may not force it on Emma just to see what she thinks *lol* (she doesn't know yet) ... but if you're interested let me know and hopefully I'll have something for you in a couple of weeks.
Then I can focus on Book II ^_^
September 19, 2012
Five (Non-Spoiler) Things about HtQPH You Thought I Made Up
I have trouble reading hockey romances because the culture of the sport I know and love feels absent in most of them. The beaus are players, they wear skates, score goals, aspire to the NHL, but never seem to have the mentality of an athlete.
With How To Quit Playing Hockey I was eager to bring some authenticity to the trope of sports romance. Inject details from my own experiences as a fan and the war tales of my friends from minor league cities and those with press passes.
But as a result there are some things in How To Quit Playing Hockey that are so different from the way hockey is presented in movies and books that I'm sure some people will be confused by the apparent disconnect.
1 - Theme Jerseys
There are a couple different references to ugly, humiliating theme jerseys, worn on special theme nights and then auctioned for charity. These sadly (and perhaps scarily) actually exist, especially in the minor and junior leagues.
But by far my favorite:
DON CHERRY MILITARY APPRECIATION NIGHT JERSEYS :D :D :D
Although rare, they do sometimes make appearances in the NHL too. Usually the players only wear them in warm ups, switching to normal jerseys for the game. But every now and then there's an occasion so special it can only be commemorated with ugliness.
2 - Playing on Broken Bones
Okay, okay, so the ugly jerseys happen, but surely that bit about players playing on broken legs is complete bullshit. How is that even possible?
Actually that element of the story was taken directly from the career of one of my favorite players.
That's Brandon Dubinsky, two seasons ago he played through the same injury described in the book for God knows how long.
In case you think that's an anomaly, his teammate Dan Girardi played through an entire playoff series with a broken foot ... as a junior.
3 - Age of Minor League Players
Yet surely Mac dilemma of being aged out of his league is bullshit. Minor league hockey is always portrayed as older, adult players ... not a bratty pack of frat boys and teenagers.
The league in How To Quit Playing Hockey is loosely based on the ECHL where the average age of players is twenty-four. The average age of players in the AHL (one level up) is a little bit younger.
That's because players age out of junior at 20, and likely graduate from college hockey at 21. With guys vying for NHL jobs coming in from all over the world, the emphasis in the last couple of years has been on youth, keeping these kids playing for a couple of years while the GMs in the NHL sort out who's going to make it or not.
4 - Hyper Sexualized Hazing
I actually toned this down. Let me tell you, junior hockey is filled of stories that feel ripped out of the angstiest, most disturbingly pornographic novel. There is of course the trial of minor league hockey coach David Frost, which included the words "Everyone knows group sex is common in hockey" uttered in his defense.
In defense of what, you ask? Oh... no biggie, just things that would make Ron Jeremy blush:
Then there is the incident between Drew Downie and Akim Aliu. Aliu refused to submit to "hotbox" hazing (cramming younger players into the team bus bathroom), got three teeth knocked out by his captain in retribution.
5 - Player Scouts
Minor league, college and junior teams usually can't afford to pay their own scout, but the intelligence on other teams' systems and styles is useful. Generally these scouts end up being hockey knowledgeable volunteers, but sometimes if there's a player on long term injury they'll send him instead. It not only keeps the kid from going crazy while his team plays on without him, but it helps him learn more about the game, see it from a different perspective and hopefully improve as a result.
So yes hockey... it's a wonderful, crazy, slightly fucked up world where beautiful guys become warriors, abandon good taste for good causes and try to remain normal and grounded among temptations. Fangirls rejoice :)
With How To Quit Playing Hockey I was eager to bring some authenticity to the trope of sports romance. Inject details from my own experiences as a fan and the war tales of my friends from minor league cities and those with press passes.
But as a result there are some things in How To Quit Playing Hockey that are so different from the way hockey is presented in movies and books that I'm sure some people will be confused by the apparent disconnect.
1 - Theme Jerseys
There are a couple different references to ugly, humiliating theme jerseys, worn on special theme nights and then auctioned for charity. These sadly (and perhaps scarily) actually exist, especially in the minor and junior leagues.
But by far my favorite:
Although rare, they do sometimes make appearances in the NHL too. Usually the players only wear them in warm ups, switching to normal jerseys for the game. But every now and then there's an occasion so special it can only be commemorated with ugliness.
2 - Playing on Broken Bones
Okay, okay, so the ugly jerseys happen, but surely that bit about players playing on broken legs is complete bullshit. How is that even possible?
Actually that element of the story was taken directly from the career of one of my favorite players.
That's Brandon Dubinsky, two seasons ago he played through the same injury described in the book for God knows how long.
"No one specific thing. He’s been complaining a little bit about soreness. We gave him a day off here and there. But there was no one specific thing. They looked at it yesterday and looked at it again today more closely, and it’s a stress fracture. … He’s been struggling through it for the past couple of weeks here."
In case you think that's an anomaly, his teammate Dan Girardi played through an entire playoff series with a broken foot ... as a junior.
3 - Age of Minor League Players
Yet surely Mac dilemma of being aged out of his league is bullshit. Minor league hockey is always portrayed as older, adult players ... not a bratty pack of frat boys and teenagers.
The league in How To Quit Playing Hockey is loosely based on the ECHL where the average age of players is twenty-four. The average age of players in the AHL (one level up) is a little bit younger.
That's because players age out of junior at 20, and likely graduate from college hockey at 21. With guys vying for NHL jobs coming in from all over the world, the emphasis in the last couple of years has been on youth, keeping these kids playing for a couple of years while the GMs in the NHL sort out who's going to make it or not.
4 - Hyper Sexualized Hazing
I actually toned this down. Let me tell you, junior hockey is filled of stories that feel ripped out of the angstiest, most disturbingly pornographic novel. There is of course the trial of minor league hockey coach David Frost, which included the words "Everyone knows group sex is common in hockey" uttered in his defense.
In defense of what, you ask? Oh... no biggie, just things that would make Ron Jeremy blush:
At Frost's trial a few weeks ago, they told Griffin that Frost had not only ordered his players to have sex with the girls, but watched them have sex; that he instructed them on how to have sex as if he was diagramming plays in the locker room; and that at times, he was even more directly involved. One woman said her former boyfriend could only have sex with her if Frost did, too -- or the player had to get permission from Frost to have sex with her alone.
Then there is the incident between Drew Downie and Akim Aliu. Aliu refused to submit to "hotbox" hazing (cramming younger players into the team bus bathroom), got three teeth knocked out by his captain in retribution.
5 - Player Scouts
Minor league, college and junior teams usually can't afford to pay their own scout, but the intelligence on other teams' systems and styles is useful. Generally these scouts end up being hockey knowledgeable volunteers, but sometimes if there's a player on long term injury they'll send him instead. It not only keeps the kid from going crazy while his team plays on without him, but it helps him learn more about the game, see it from a different perspective and hopefully improve as a result.
So yes hockey... it's a wonderful, crazy, slightly fucked up world where beautiful guys become warriors, abandon good taste for good causes and try to remain normal and grounded among temptations. Fangirls rejoice :)
September 17, 2012
Confessions of a Recovering RPS Fangirl
I've been a hockey fan for as long as I can remember, and a slash fan from the moment I discovered porn. But for many years the two were kept carefully separate. Slashing my favorite sexy hockey players seemed so strange and wrong (but oh so good).
Okay ... the title of this post is a little misleading, because I'm not at all recovering. I'm the fucking Lindsey Lohan of RPS. Slap my naughty ankle bracelet on because I can't stay away, I can't stop. I'm plowing into official mascots in my shagging wagon and flashing the dirty parts across the internet like a teenage heiress. Even though I am horrified by the idea that one day I may write something of merit and it may become common knowledge that Isa reads and writes little porn fantasies about real people *face palm*
In fact when that happens, this will probably be the first post the tabloids find (*waves*) and I will no longer be able to have serious hockey talks with people because everyone will assume I'm only here to perv on the athletes.
That's not true! I only perv in my free time! I swear!
What people don't understand about RPS is that it has almost nothing to do with the real people in question. It's about bonding with other female hockey fans. It is the dirty equivalent of a Saturday Night Live parody: the characters are supposed to be just close enough to the real people to be recognizable but the fun is in using elements of reality to create something deliberately fake.
And oddly enough, I think FAKE is the key thing here because you don't see much RPS of celebrities who are actually gay. Nor do you see much writing on real life couples. (cue a thousand an one corrections from commenters, go ahead) RPS can be a bit like Scifi in the sense that the fun comes from the suspension of disbelief. An author showcases her talent by how far she can take the audience into things that are clearly and ridiculously untrue.
I have a RPS series I've been writing where the core pairing are two people I'm pretty sure haven't actually met. What limited contact they have had has been as far from affectionate as two people could possibly get.
But I've managed to convince the entire fandom that they are totally in love and meant to be together 4-evar <3 <3 <3 It's the weirdest and also the most addictive thing. Not just from the writing side. Reading the epic tales others create, with elaborate backstories that carefully reference real events and hundreds of interviews scoured for personal details, is just as exciting. Some of my favorite fics take pairs of normal blue collar hockey boys and recast them as WWII soldiers, trafficked brothel workers, mafia crime lords...
It's terrible to have this much fun and to have to keep it secret. Terrible! Although many would say this is probably the worst kept secret on GRs right now ... I've been pushing recs to private porn-filled communities and archives to all many friends, giggling over gifs and pic spams while playing a public line of "SLASH? WHAT SLASH? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! *nervous laughter*"
Terrible.
Two years ago I started writing original hockey slash stories for my friends. They quickly took off, because I suppose I'm not the only one who was craving the opportunity to embrace the fantasy in some publicly acceptable way.
Almost a year ago I had this idea for a short PWP type fic. The problem was the pairing I imagined for it had run its course in the fandom. RPS is hard on the concept of OTP, because real life so rarely follows a convenient story structure. The main characters in the hockey narrative one season are obsolete by the end of the summer. People get traded, people retire, and without fresh gossip to fuel interest what was enticing one year just seems like a ridiculous stretch the next.
So, not wanting to see the story languish with only one or two comments on the slash boards I rethought the concept and There's Cock In This Book was born.
To be honest, I never really intended to do anything with Mac and Fritzy. To me it was just a short. A light porny nothing I could give away for free and use to giggle about hockey on GR. But the GR community didn't take it that way at all. I have never got so many requests for more O.o People kept asking "What happens next?" to which I mentally responded "Next? What next?" In fanfic you don't write endings with lots of closure, you pass the banton back to the reader's fantasy and let them enjoy filling in the blanks.
But when I went back to the story I realized I was trying to import all the things that otherwise would have been unspoken in RPS (because they were obvious, because they were understood, because they had been discussed at length elsewhere in the fandom) and this had left a lot of unresolved issues. There's Cock In This Book kind of dumps Mac and Fritzy in the middle of an impossible situation. Temporarily satisfied by finding each other, but no less stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I could see why that was frustrating for some people. I could also see where there was room to go further and tell a really interesting story.
Last year Patrick Burke introduced the If You Can Play, You Can Play campaign in honor of his brother's memory and mission. Athletes coming out has been a hot topic of discussion as of late, with lots of talk about "finding" an active player willing to be the face of the cause.
Frankly, I find all of this a little disturbing because coming out publicly is such a huge risk and I feel like the various campaigns always talk about it as a goal they want to accomplish rather than someone's personal decision they want to support and enable. It's particularly unsettling in the case of hockey because the NHL is one of the most ridiculously discriminatory leagues in the world. There are still teams that are quite vocal about the fact that they will not sign/draft/play Russians. No matter how talented, or what personality, no matter how well they speak English ... the perceived flaws in their ethnicity are enough to justify who does or doesn't get a job. In any other community this would be abhorrent, yet in hockey it is accepted, tolerated, encouraged even.
So with How To Quit Playing Hockey I wanted to address some of these issues. It's not that hockey people are bigots, it's that people will mimic the behavior they feel is expected of them. And the hockey community celebrates discrimination like nothing else. This is probably one of the few industries in the world where a thirty goal scorer can be benched in favor of a journeyman grinder and experts will trip over themselves to justify it by saying oh well that other guy is small and foreign. There is almost no accountability for the decisions coaches, scouts, and GMs make and that's what these LGBT campaigns don't get. It's not the teammates that need to speak up in support, it's the people who sign the pay checks and the lineup cards.
I felt like this kind of environment deserved in a slightly different coming out story. One where there were no evil homophobic bad guys (sorry). One where coming out wasn't about acceptance and righteousness, but a shrewd, cynical, career move.
....Oh yeah, did I mention the cover is pretty hot too?
Okay ... the title of this post is a little misleading, because I'm not at all recovering. I'm the fucking Lindsey Lohan of RPS. Slap my naughty ankle bracelet on because I can't stay away, I can't stop. I'm plowing into official mascots in my shagging wagon and flashing the dirty parts across the internet like a teenage heiress. Even though I am horrified by the idea that one day I may write something of merit and it may become common knowledge that Isa reads and writes little porn fantasies about real people *face palm*
In fact when that happens, this will probably be the first post the tabloids find (*waves*) and I will no longer be able to have serious hockey talks with people because everyone will assume I'm only here to perv on the athletes.
That's not true! I only perv in my free time! I swear!
What people don't understand about RPS is that it has almost nothing to do with the real people in question. It's about bonding with other female hockey fans. It is the dirty equivalent of a Saturday Night Live parody: the characters are supposed to be just close enough to the real people to be recognizable but the fun is in using elements of reality to create something deliberately fake.
And oddly enough, I think FAKE is the key thing here because you don't see much RPS of celebrities who are actually gay. Nor do you see much writing on real life couples. (cue a thousand an one corrections from commenters, go ahead) RPS can be a bit like Scifi in the sense that the fun comes from the suspension of disbelief. An author showcases her talent by how far she can take the audience into things that are clearly and ridiculously untrue.
I have a RPS series I've been writing where the core pairing are two people I'm pretty sure haven't actually met. What limited contact they have had has been as far from affectionate as two people could possibly get.
But I've managed to convince the entire fandom that they are totally in love and meant to be together 4-evar <3 <3 <3 It's the weirdest and also the most addictive thing. Not just from the writing side. Reading the epic tales others create, with elaborate backstories that carefully reference real events and hundreds of interviews scoured for personal details, is just as exciting. Some of my favorite fics take pairs of normal blue collar hockey boys and recast them as WWII soldiers, trafficked brothel workers, mafia crime lords...
It's terrible to have this much fun and to have to keep it secret. Terrible! Although many would say this is probably the worst kept secret on GRs right now ... I've been pushing recs to private porn-filled communities and archives to all many friends, giggling over gifs and pic spams while playing a public line of "SLASH? WHAT SLASH? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! *nervous laughter*"
Terrible.
Two years ago I started writing original hockey slash stories for my friends. They quickly took off, because I suppose I'm not the only one who was craving the opportunity to embrace the fantasy in some publicly acceptable way.
Almost a year ago I had this idea for a short PWP type fic. The problem was the pairing I imagined for it had run its course in the fandom. RPS is hard on the concept of OTP, because real life so rarely follows a convenient story structure. The main characters in the hockey narrative one season are obsolete by the end of the summer. People get traded, people retire, and without fresh gossip to fuel interest what was enticing one year just seems like a ridiculous stretch the next.
So, not wanting to see the story languish with only one or two comments on the slash boards I rethought the concept and There's Cock In This Book was born.
To be honest, I never really intended to do anything with Mac and Fritzy. To me it was just a short. A light porny nothing I could give away for free and use to giggle about hockey on GR. But the GR community didn't take it that way at all. I have never got so many requests for more O.o People kept asking "What happens next?" to which I mentally responded "Next? What next?" In fanfic you don't write endings with lots of closure, you pass the banton back to the reader's fantasy and let them enjoy filling in the blanks.
But when I went back to the story I realized I was trying to import all the things that otherwise would have been unspoken in RPS (because they were obvious, because they were understood, because they had been discussed at length elsewhere in the fandom) and this had left a lot of unresolved issues. There's Cock In This Book kind of dumps Mac and Fritzy in the middle of an impossible situation. Temporarily satisfied by finding each other, but no less stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I could see why that was frustrating for some people. I could also see where there was room to go further and tell a really interesting story.
Last year Patrick Burke introduced the If You Can Play, You Can Play campaign in honor of his brother's memory and mission. Athletes coming out has been a hot topic of discussion as of late, with lots of talk about "finding" an active player willing to be the face of the cause.
Frankly, I find all of this a little disturbing because coming out publicly is such a huge risk and I feel like the various campaigns always talk about it as a goal they want to accomplish rather than someone's personal decision they want to support and enable. It's particularly unsettling in the case of hockey because the NHL is one of the most ridiculously discriminatory leagues in the world. There are still teams that are quite vocal about the fact that they will not sign/draft/play Russians. No matter how talented, or what personality, no matter how well they speak English ... the perceived flaws in their ethnicity are enough to justify who does or doesn't get a job. In any other community this would be abhorrent, yet in hockey it is accepted, tolerated, encouraged even.
So with How To Quit Playing Hockey I wanted to address some of these issues. It's not that hockey people are bigots, it's that people will mimic the behavior they feel is expected of them. And the hockey community celebrates discrimination like nothing else. This is probably one of the few industries in the world where a thirty goal scorer can be benched in favor of a journeyman grinder and experts will trip over themselves to justify it by saying oh well that other guy is small and foreign. There is almost no accountability for the decisions coaches, scouts, and GMs make and that's what these LGBT campaigns don't get. It's not the teammates that need to speak up in support, it's the people who sign the pay checks and the lineup cards.
I felt like this kind of environment deserved in a slightly different coming out story. One where there were no evil homophobic bad guys (sorry). One where coming out wasn't about acceptance and righteousness, but a shrewd, cynical, career move.
....Oh yeah, did I mention the cover is pretty hot too?
August 10, 2012
Wanted: Nazi, Schoolmaster or just general all around Dom
So I'm going to be looking for an editor for The Condor. I'll probably be done with it in a few weeks, at which point I'd like to put out a ebook version for people who don't feel like reading the whole thing on GR. As far as content, characterization and pacing goes I feel like it's in pretty good shape ... but there are spelling/grammar mistakes and I want those cleaned up for the ebook. This is mostly a copy/line editing thing.
If you're interested in the gig, send me a PM with your rates and a bit about what you've edited in the past. This is BDSM M/M (silly, fun BDSM but still BDSM) ... so if you're not into that sort of thing you probably shouldn't apply XD Also please don't tell me you'll work for free, that's sweet but I prefer the strong commitment payment implies. Editors who've worked for free have flaked out on me more times than I can count.
The most important thing to me is turn around: you'll probably need to make two passes on it, so take your time but make sure your schedule actually allows for enough time to edit. The Condor is currently about 50K and will probably crack 70K before I'm done, it may even get up to 90K. The biggest problem I've had with freelance editors in the past has been them disappearing for weeks because they didn't plan for the time editing a book of that size would take. This is super annoying and I would like to prevent it from happening here.
I would prefer a flat fee because the ebook is going on Amazon Select for free, then after that available for sale for .99 cents. Oh yeah, I'm not taking the serial down either ... so while I expect to pay, I would prefer to keep expenses down on this exercise *lol* because I will not be making this money back through sales any time soon.
Everybody else? In addition to hopefully banishing all my stupidity, the ebook will also include a smutty bonus scene of the reader's choice :) So start thinking about what you might want to see! Also I'd appreciate a little signal boosting it help me find the best editor :D Can I get a few likes?
If you're interested in the gig, send me a PM with your rates and a bit about what you've edited in the past. This is BDSM M/M (silly, fun BDSM but still BDSM) ... so if you're not into that sort of thing you probably shouldn't apply XD Also please don't tell me you'll work for free, that's sweet but I prefer the strong commitment payment implies. Editors who've worked for free have flaked out on me more times than I can count.
The most important thing to me is turn around: you'll probably need to make two passes on it, so take your time but make sure your schedule actually allows for enough time to edit. The Condor is currently about 50K and will probably crack 70K before I'm done, it may even get up to 90K. The biggest problem I've had with freelance editors in the past has been them disappearing for weeks because they didn't plan for the time editing a book of that size would take. This is super annoying and I would like to prevent it from happening here.
I would prefer a flat fee because the ebook is going on Amazon Select for free, then after that available for sale for .99 cents. Oh yeah, I'm not taking the serial down either ... so while I expect to pay, I would prefer to keep expenses down on this exercise *lol* because I will not be making this money back through sales any time soon.
Everybody else? In addition to hopefully banishing all my stupidity, the ebook will also include a smutty bonus scene of the reader's choice :) So start thinking about what you might want to see! Also I'd appreciate a little signal boosting it help me find the best editor :D Can I get a few likes?
