A Return to Freelancing

For some time I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with The Freelancers (otherwise know as the serial Emma DNFed haha~ Admittedly it did take me a rather long time to get to the point with the first draft. I've since completely rewritten the first five chapters). It is in my mind a trilogy and the hold up has always been that... well it is obviously not suitable for traditional publication, and I didn't want to self publish it if I couldn't get the whole thing out. I did not want a different editor for each book. I wanted the money available to guarantee Book III would come out before I released Book I.

I played around with a couple of different ideas about how to accomplish this, nothing seemed likely to work and as I've moved on and published other things the less I've really wanted to publish this story versus just releasing it.

Let me explain: I'm getting kind of sick of reading "this book isn't really [insert genre]" attached to reviews of my books. Okay, yes, I get that it's important for reviewers to express themselves on these points so that readers can make an informed decision ... but at the same time I've had publishers/editors and other writers hold up these comments as proof that the stories I want to tell are not worth telling because they don't fit a freaking checklist of everything a satisfying "romance" (or whatever) should be. I hate these rules. I hate that when you publish something people can fill a review with praise but then caution others against reading because it won't deliver the pre-packaged fantasy they want. It's unbelievably frustrating to be told that good writing is about following the formula.

The Freelancers is very much that frustrating un-checklist book. It's a spy novel that focuses more on the black comedy of government bureaucracy, it's a crime drama where the mob deals more in fraud and counterfeiting than glamorous drugs, guns and whores, it's a story of human trafficking that focuses on forced labor of male victims rather than the tantalizing sex slavery cover story. It's a M/M romance that will more than likely end like a Tarantino movie.

It's not perfect, it's not a masterpiece. There's still something not right about it to me ... like I'm reaching out but not exactly hitting what I want to say, not really capturing the feel of the books that intoxicated and inspired me (The Human Factor: Inside the CIA's Dysfunctional Intelligence Culture and McMafia: A Journey Through the Global Underworld mainly). But it occurred to me the other day that when I started writing it I just wanted to have fun telling a campy, snarky, violent story. Like the early James Bond movies: fun, sexy and semi-ridiculous without being outright comedy.

At some point along the way my thinking about this story got corrupted. I got distracted by the idea that I had something to prove as a writer. I couldn't do a B-movie style book, I had to produce something people could respect. I got away from what I wanted and the whole project just became a clusterfuck.

So, I know what reviewers will say and I kind of don't want to fucking hear it . Not in a special-snowflake-my-work-is-glorious sort of way ... I just don't understand this attitude of reading books to get the story you've already decided you want. I have my kinks and my interests, but give me a book that tries to do something different any day.

This last year I've learned that I'm mostly alone in that desire for different. That's okay ... but it makes me less interested in putting out books, less interested in being "a writer", versus finding a different way to get the story out there.

So here's what I'm thinking. Fuck it, I'm putting The Freelancers series out as a private release. Meaning that, if you want to read it, email me, PM me, comment here and I will send you a copy for free in the format of your choice. Review it or not, redistribute it to others, put it up on those illegal book pirate sites. I do not fucking care. Anyone who wants can have-- I will even send it to you in an editable format so that you can rewrite it if you want-- but it will not be available for download on Smashwords or for purchase anywhere.

It will not be edited, and those of you who have read my serials before know what that means. I have a learning disability I've struggled with basically my entire life. I leave endings off words, occasionally leave out words or swap them for others by accident. Deal with. I will do my best to clean up everything as much as possible, but I'm not hiring an editor. These books will not be "published" I just want to share them with people who have enjoyed my other stories. That's it. I want to have fun writing something and send it to people who will enjoy it. I don't want to be shamed publicly for not fulfilling my obligation to entertain you appropriately. I don't want to listen to complaints about how I'm not writing M/M correctly or deal with people who don't get that I'm not a monkey with a typewriter who can be trained to hit keys in a certain order with enough positive reinforcement. If my mistakes or my detest for cookie cutter romance bothers you, don't ask me for a copy.

I'm not saying you can't give me your honest opinion, of course you can. But there will be no potential readers waiting for your verdict before they decide to purchase. I fully expect everyone who asks me for a copy to be people I know and interact with everyday on GR. That crowd more than knows what they're getting into already.

Anyway, Book I still needs a little work ... I may or may not force it on Emma just to see what she thinks *lol* (she doesn't know yet) ... but if you're interested let me know and hopefully I'll have something for you in a couple of weeks.

Then I can focus on Book II ^_^