Five (Non-Spoiler) Things about HtQPH You Thought I Made Up

I have trouble reading hockey romances because the culture of the sport I know and love feels absent in most of them. The beaus are players, they wear skates, score goals, aspire to the NHL, but never seem to have the mentality of an athlete.

With How To Quit Playing Hockey I was eager to bring some authenticity to the trope of sports romance. Inject details from my own experiences as a fan and the war tales of my friends from minor league cities and those with press passes.

But as a result there are some things in How To Quit Playing Hockey that are so different from the way hockey is presented in movies and books that I'm sure some people will be confused by the apparent disconnect.

1 - Theme Jerseys
There are a couple different references to ugly, humiliating theme jerseys, worn on special theme nights and then auctioned for charity. These sadly (and perhaps scarily) actually exist, especially in the minor and junior leagues.

















But by far my favorite:



DON CHERRY MILITARY APPRECIATION NIGHT JERSEYS :D :D :D

Although rare, they do sometimes make appearances in the NHL too. Usually the players only wear them in warm ups, switching to normal jerseys for the game. But every now and then there's an occasion so special it can only be commemorated with ugliness.


2 - Playing on Broken Bones
Okay, okay, so the ugly jerseys happen, but surely that bit about players playing on broken legs is complete bullshit. How is that even possible?

Actually that element of the story was taken directly from the career of one of my favorite players.



That's Brandon Dubinsky, two seasons ago he played through the same injury described in the book for God knows how long.

"No one specific thing. He’s been complaining a little bit about soreness. We gave him a day off here and there. But there was no one specific thing. They looked at it yesterday and looked at it again today more closely, and it’s a stress fracture. … He’s been struggling through it for the past couple of weeks here."

In case you think that's an anomaly, his teammate Dan Girardi played through an entire playoff series with a broken foot ... as a junior.

3 - Age of Minor League Players

Yet surely Mac dilemma of being aged out of his league is bullshit. Minor league hockey is always portrayed as older, adult players ... not a bratty pack of frat boys and teenagers.

The league in How To Quit Playing Hockey is loosely based on the ECHL where the average age of players is twenty-four. The average age of players in the AHL (one level up) is a little bit younger.

That's because players age out of junior at 20, and likely graduate from college hockey at 21. With guys vying for NHL jobs coming in from all over the world, the emphasis in the last couple of years has been on youth, keeping these kids playing for a couple of years while the GMs in the NHL sort out who's going to make it or not.

4 - Hyper Sexualized Hazing
I actually toned this down. Let me tell you, junior hockey is filled of stories that feel ripped out of the angstiest, most disturbingly pornographic novel. There is of course the trial of minor league hockey coach David Frost, which included the words "Everyone knows group sex is common in hockey" uttered in his defense.

In defense of what, you ask? Oh... no biggie, just things that would make Ron Jeremy blush:

At Frost's trial a few weeks ago, they told Griffin that Frost had not only ordered his players to have sex with the girls, but watched them have sex; that he instructed them on how to have sex as if he was diagramming plays in the locker room; and that at times, he was even more directly involved. One woman said her former boyfriend could only have sex with her if Frost did, too -- or the player had to get permission from Frost to have sex with her alone.

Then there is the incident between Drew Downie and Akim Aliu. Aliu refused to submit to "hotbox" hazing (cramming younger players into the team bus bathroom), got three teeth knocked out by his captain in retribution.

5 - Player Scouts
Minor league, college and junior teams usually can't afford to pay their own scout, but the intelligence on other teams' systems and styles is useful. Generally these scouts end up being hockey knowledgeable volunteers, but sometimes if there's a player on long term injury they'll send him instead. It not only keeps the kid from going crazy while his team plays on without him, but it helps him learn more about the game, see it from a different perspective and hopefully improve as a result.

So yes hockey... it's a wonderful, crazy, slightly fucked up world where beautiful guys become warriors, abandon good taste for good causes and try to remain normal and grounded among temptations. Fangirls rejoice :)