Joshua Becker's Blog, page 76

Replace Frustration with Appreciation

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” —Melody Beattie

Too often, our hearts weigh heavy with feelings of dissatisfaction. We feel dissatisfied with our incomes, our clothes, our cars, our struggles. We chase material possessions and bigger homes.

Sometimes, the easiest way to feel more satisfaction is to stop comparing what we have to others, and to instead practice wanting what we already have. After all, to be upset over what we don’t have is to waste what we already do.

Practicing gratitude is one of the simple things in life we take for granted. It takes effort, intentionality, and a refusal to be influenced by marketers bent on sowing dissatisfaction in our lives.

But giving thanks can start as small as being grateful for your shelter, your food, or your friends and family.

This week, make a list of 5 things you are grateful for every evening before bed. Repeat the same things if you’d like, or think of new things daily.  

By practicing gratitude, dissatisfaction will disappear and be replaced with joy and humility.

The Minimalist Home

I wrote another book.

It’s called The Minimalist Home, and it’s my step-by-step guide to decluttering each and every room of your home.

Why, you might ask, did I write this book? Certainly there are many other books about decluttering, minimizing, and de-owning. You’ve probably heard of them. Maybe you’ve even read a few.

But I wanted to write you a book to share MY practical method for becoming joyfully minimalist. The method I used in my own home and have taught thousands of others to use in their home as well.

It’s the method I created by accident 10 years ago, when my neighbor saw all the stuff I’d just dragged out of the garage into the driveway and pointed out that maybe, just maybe, my family didn’t need all of it.

I started de-owning that day, and quickly started clearing space in my home and life. It was an exciting, motivating process to decide what to keep and what to let go.

It was also confusing, exhausting, and at times incredibly frustrating.

I wish I’d had this book to guide me back then.

Because, even though you’ll always find people who say things like, “Minimalism is easy—just toss out everything you don’t need!”…

The fact is that it’s NOT easy to part with our possessions, especially when we get past the surface clutter and start facing down the things we consider part of our identities.

Things like that pasta maker your husband got you for Christmas four years ago that never gets used. But you WANT to be a person who makes homemade pasta…

Or that hiking gear you bought for a family trip that hasn’t been touched since. But your family might go hiking again someday!

And what about that antique scroll-top writing desk you inherited, which has always felt out of place in your living room? It wouldn’t be right to get rid of it. It was Grandma’s, and you miss her…

It can be simple to remove the things from our homes that are immediately, obviously useless: outdated magazines, old packs of birthday candles, broken appliances.

It’s a lot harder to confront the things we feel we should keep. And yet, at the same time, we know that our possessions have become a burden and are keeping us from living the life we want.

There’s an emotional letting-go process that runs parallel to the “simple” removal of stuff.

But the journey is still clarifying and rewarding.

That’s why I wrote The Minimalist Home.

I know that no matter who you are, where you live, or whom you live with, mindfully choosing what surrounds you in your home (the most important place in your life) will make a noticeable difference in your daily happiness and peace of mind.

I’ve seen this transformation happen over and over again. I know it’s possible for you.

The Minimalist Home won’t be officially released until December 18, but you can pre-order it now and get 32% off the list price. And receive some special gifts as well.

Special gifts for you when you pre-order:

As a thank-you for pre-ordering your copy of The Minimalist Home (or copies—the holidays are fast approaching, and this book makes a great gift), I’ll give you a few extra resources.

1. Keep Your Holiday Simple: A private, virtual get-together with me

When you pre-order your copy of The Minimalist Home before Thanksgiving (Nov. 22), you’ll be invited to a special, private online get-together with me on Dec. 1. I’ll equip you with the tools and mindset you need to stay focused on what really matters as the holiday buying frenzy ramps up.

2. The Minimalist Home in 2019: Special New Year’s Webinar

Your pre-order of The Minimalist Home also includes an invitation to a private, online session on January 2. For many of us, the New Year is a fresh start, when we make plans for what we’d like to do differently and better. That often includes plans for our homes. How will we change them, and how will we keep momentum in the new year?

3. The 21-Day Minimalist Motivation Guide

Minimizing an entire home, room-by-room, can be hard work. Keep your motivation high during the process with this supplemental, digital 21-day guide of daily, inspiration readings. I promise these aren’t homework. Rather, they’re meant to keep you inspired and motivated to see your process through, and to enjoy the sense of accomplishment and growing self-knowledge along the way. This guide is only available to those who pre-order The Minimalist Home.

4. Handy Room-by-Room Printables

As a former pastor and now blogger and four-time author, I know the power of having things written out on paper. I’ll send you two printables that you can use alongside your copy of The Minimalist Home. One is full of questions that will help you stay focused on your “why” as you move through each room of your house. The other is a room-by-room checklist where you can track your progress and accomplishments as you de-own.

5. 33% discount to Uncluttered, my 12-week decluttering course

More than 25,000 people have taken my 12-week course, which offers a methodical home decluttering approach much like the one I outline in The Minimalist Home. In fact, much of the book is based on the questions and interactions I have had with people during the course.

Uncluttered’s real secret sauce is the active, helpful community that each new edition of the course creates. Many past participants say the encouragement they received from fellow Unclutterers helped them reach their minimalism goals. Every copy of The Minimalist Home comes with a 25% discount on the course. But when you pre-order your book, you get nearly 10% off on top of that, for a total of 33% off Uncluttered if you decide to do the course.

Just another small way that I can thank you for being here.

And, of course, if you’d like to read The Minimalist Home with friends, family, or your book club, you’ll get everything I mentioned above plus a few more handy extras to help the entire group get the most out of the book.

Click here to find more about (and learn how to redeem) the Special Gifts for those who pre-order The Minimalist Home.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

F ill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Defining Minimalism For Your Real Life | Abundant Life with Less by Rachelle Crawford. I live a minimalist lifestyle in order to be the best me, live from a place of purpose, and operate at my highest level of contribution.

Social Media Use Increases Depression and Loneliness, Study Finds | Science Daily by Melissa G. Hunt. For the first time, University of Pennsylvania research based on experimental data connects Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram use to decreased well-being.

How to Avoid Raising a Materialistic Child | UIC Today with Lan Nguyen Chaplin. Results showed that participants who were encouraged to keep a gratitude journal showed a significant decrease in materialism and increase in gratitude.

An Expert Minimalist’s Guide to Room-by-Room Decluttering | SpareFoot by Deb Hipp. Here are some tips for creating less clutter and more focus in your home and life.

30 Tips I Use to Make Myself Happier, Right Now. | Gretchen Rubin by Gretchen Rubin. Sometimes terrible circumstances make it impossible for us to be happy, but it’s almost always possible to be happier, and often with just a few small steps.

How To Minimize Large Spaces | Joshua Becker on YouTube.

You’re Not Giving Yourself Enough Credit

Too often, we live our lives rejoicing only in the destination.

We mark major accomplishments as the milestones that define our lives: a graduation, a new job, a wedding, a move, or overcoming a tragedy.

We look back with fondness on these significant events and we desperately look forward to the next: the accomplishment of a life goal, a significant desired award, a major life transition, a big promotion, or simply emerging from one of life’s dark valleys triumphant. We surmise that because we found joy in the previous accomplishment, we must find it again in the next.

Unfortunately, life is not lived exclusively in these major destinations. In reality, we actually spend far more time in the pathways between them. The significant achievements are few, while the journeys between these major destinations are long.

These spaces between destinations are where we prepare ourselves—and are prepared—to accomplish the next goal, to weather the incoming storm, and to choose the next destination carefully. But because we live in a results-oriented world, finding joy in these gaps can be difficult.

Years ago, my then 5-year-old daughter walked into our living room carrying the book Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. She climbed into my lap, asked if she could read to me, and began opening the front cover. With little hesitation, I agreed. I looked forward to helping her through it.

Little did I know my help would not be needed.

Using the sight words she had learned from her kindergarten teacher and simple steps to get through the tricky words, my daughter successfully navigated every single word in the book. When my daughter closed the book, she looked at me with a huge sense of accomplishment. And when she did, she looked directly into the eyes of the only person smiling bigger than her.

I remember looking at her with a feeling of pride I could never communicate with words. The compliments were genuine and the hug was sweet. My daughter was learning to read. It was her first book. She knew it. I knew it. And there was great joy to be found in this growth.

Now, just to be clear, I knew full-well her journey to become a reader was not complete. Being able to sound out every word in a Dr. Seuss book was hardly the culmination of her education. I would still challenge her to reach new heights and seek higher accomplishments.

But, in this specific moment, overwhelming joy was the perfectly accurate response. My daughter had grown in her ability to read. She had worked hard to reach this point. The progress from her starting point deserved to be celebrated. And she understood there was joy to be found in this journey.

Very likely, your life deserves more celebration than you offer it.

Learn to celebrate the progress, not just the accomplishments.

In the end, our lives are not measured by the accomplishments. They are measured by the little steps and decisions we make every day.

Strive forward to become a better person, a better parent, and a better contributor to the world around you. Strive for the great accomplishments the world will use to define your life. But don’t be so quick to discount the progress you have already made.

Because that is where life is lived. That is where joy is found.

We Must Consistently Hold Up That Which We Desire to Become

There is an oft-repeated parable that goes like this:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

This is a helpful story. An important one. And there is wisdom we can learn from it.

But that story came to mind as I was thinking recently about another truth in life we need to be equally aware of. The countertruth is this:

There is a “default” position that each of us have in life. This default position does not need to be fed to grow, it just is. And unless that position is fought against (almost constantly), it will be the state that our lives always unintentionally default into.

Think about it in this way. Many people struggle with healthy eating habits. They want to eat healthy and they know they should. But eating healthy only seems to happen when one is focused on it, battling against the default position of too much sugar and too much food. Healthy eating habits (or dieting as an example) only happen when we purposefully lift them up in our lives.

If I’m not purposefully eating healthy, I’m eating unhealthily. The default position is poor eating habits. And it feels like a constant battle—one that must be fought every day— to pursue what is good and right and healthy.

In this case, that wolf does not need to be fed in order to win. It will always win, unless I constantly lift up better habits.

The battle is not against equals. One position is, unfortunately in this case, the default position of life.

Now, this is just one example (one that I think a high percentage of people can relate to). But this idea extends far beyond the things we eat. And they differ from person to person.

One person may be inclined to laziness, another to workaholism.

One person may be inclined to poor physical fitness, another to vanity.

One person may be inclined to overspending, another to selfish frugality.

Other default positions that come to mind include: selfishness, jealousy, misplaced ambition, envy, pride, arrogance, or a contentious spirit.

Each of these, it seems, tend to be the default position of our lives. And only if we consistently war against them will we have (and retain) victory in becoming the person we desire to become.

If generosity is not consistently lifted up in my life, I too often tend toward selfishness. If resolved focus is not consistently lifted up in my life, busyness and distraction become the norm. If love and appreciation for others is not consistently pursued, envy will again show up.

One might realize this truth and respond by saying, “Then what’s the use of trying to change?” Others will reflect upon it, examine their own life for unhealthy defaults, and proceed forward resolved to consistently hold up that which they desire to become.

Be the latter.

Bring Gratitude First. A 30-Day Challenge.

Note: This is a guest post from Karl Staib, author of Bring Gratitude.

Recently, while standing in line at the bakery, I pulled out my phone and opened my Amazon app. It was a bad habit with no benefit other than to pacify myself while I waited.

I remember the moment well. It had been a tough week full of meetings. I started beating myself up over a difficult presentation that I gave. I was peppered with questions about some of the decisions our team made. I stammered and stuttered my way through it.

I needed an escape from my negative thoughts.

I told myself it would be nice to buy a fun game we could play as a family. After ordering, I sat down to eat my turkey croissant sandwich and mindlessly hopped back on my phone. Before long, I ended up buying a new board game. I needed a quick dopamine release.

Looking back on that decision today, the most difficult part has been noticing my bad habit of hopping on my phone when I feel down. It’s not who I want to be. I used my phone to help pacify the insecurity I was feeling after a rough week, far too many times.

Your thoughts are dominoes that dictate how successful you’ll be with your minimalist lifestyle. I struggled with minimalism because I struggled with my mindset.

I’ll admit I have a long way to go, but each day I work on clearing clutter from my mind and my home. I’m getting better at noticing these thoughts and not letting them dictate my actions. I’m also noticing the recurring negative thoughts and combating them with the most powerful mental habit known to man.

Gratitude

Choosing to be grateful for what I have and not feeling like I need more has provided a big improvement in my outlook and overall happiness.

In his book, Why We Do What We Do, Researcher Edward Deci explains that when someone has six positive interactions to one negative, they are 31% more productive.

When you have positive thoughts and interactions, it’s easier to focus on what matters. That may be spending time with your family, traveling, or writing. Positive interactions free you up to have the energy to do what matters to you.

As I’ve become more productive and resilient I’ve also noticed that I’m becoming more aware of my choices. That’s why I felt buyer’s remorse in the bakery. I was just trying to distract myself with shopping.

As I was walking out the door I saw a homeless man and asked him if he wanted the extra croissant that I had ordered. He smiled and said, “God bless you.” It was a nice moment that I wouldn’t have had if I wouldn’t have noticed these feelings. I’m learning to listen to them sooner before I buy too much food, new gadgets for the house, clothes, etc.

I still struggle with these internal conversations every single day. That’s why I crave simplicity. It helps declutter my space and reduce the amount of choices I have to make.

It’s so much easier to declutter your physical space, but how do you declutter your mental space? How can I make sure I keep my thoughts clear of any negative chatter that holds me back?

Great questions

How you manage your feelings directly affects how successful you are at dealing with your life.

Try asking yourself these questions:

How angry do you get at yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 when you make a mistake?
How long does it take you to let go of this mistake? (AKA forgive yourself)
How frustrated do you get on a scale of 1 – 10 when you are stuck in traffic?
Are you able to enjoy an annoying coworker/client?
Do you bring your work frustrations back to your family?

If you get angry at yourself for making a mistake, that’s okay. The key part is: how quickly do you let the anger go so that you can learn from it?

The same goes with opening your Amazon app out of habit. If you are just browsing around, then you’ll most likely want to buy something. When you can be grateful that you noticed this happening and be aware enough to close the app, you can go and do something that will help you create positive memories instead.

Start Small

There is always something small to be grateful for when you feel uncomfortable and are tempted to soothe yourself with a purchase. It can be hard when you’ve had a tough day and you just want to feel better and a quick purchase can help. This is when you know you need gratitude the most.

I’m sharing this with you because I struggled with gratitude and minimalism for many years. I still do in many ways. My father wasn’t a very good role model when it came to being grateful for what he had. He always wanted more time, money, and happiness, but it seemed to elude him for large parts of his life. He loved to purchase little knick knacks for the house and I know this is where I get this habit as well.

I struggled with depression and confidence just like my father. A few years ago, I heard that keeping a gratitude journal would help me be a more positive person, a happier person.

I kept the gratitude journal for a whole year. It changed how I viewed my life.

When my father was in the hospital, I started falling back into bad habits. I found the “why me” attitude creeping back into my thoughts. I tried to distract myself, so I hopped on Amazon out of habit. I caught myself before I mindlessly bought something.

That’s when I came back to gratitude. I started up my gratitude journal again, but now I wanted to go deeper. I started writing stories based on my gratitude entries about difficult moments and how I overcame them. It turned into a book, Bring Gratitude.

This deep dive into gratitude helped me even more.

I want you to take that first step toward strengthening your mindset, so you can be more aware of bad habits and use them to grow your happiness. Start with a gratitude journal and find a support network to help you keep building the gratitude habit. Keep it simple.

Just write what you are grateful for and why every day for 30 days. I suggest something like this:

I’m grateful for my family because they challenge me to be a better communicator.
I’m lucky to have a dog who encourages me to take her for a walk every evening.
I appreciate the amazing apple that I had for a snack this afternoon because it subdued my hunger.

The why is important because it helps deepen the gratitude journal experience. Within a few days you will begin to see improvement in your outlook.

If you are interested, join our free 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge running November 1st thru 30th. It’ll help strengthen your mindset through the holiday grind. Come join us and you’ll get email updates and a private Facebook group. If you have any questions, I’ll be available 7 days a week during this time. My goal is to get the smartest and most caring people together to create an amazing community, so we can help each other learn from our mistakes and build a life that we love.

—

Karl Staib is the author of Bring Gratitude and the Creator of the 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

How to Raise a Minimalist | Real Simple by Lisa Armstrong. You love your children. The avalanche of stuff that seems to come with them? Not so much. Help them feel more joy with fewer things.

Why Kids Need a Minimalist Closet + How to Create One | Raising Simple by Zoë Kim. When our little people are overwhelmed by clutter, it’s our job to help them simplify.

How to Declutter Your Life (the very best place to start) | Be More with Less by Courtney Carver. The most popular question about decluttering or simplifying is, “What’s the best way to start?” The next most popular question is, “How long will it take?”

Why Experiences (not Things) Get Better with Time, According to Science | No Sidebar by Jay Harrington. There is a massive body of work in the field of behavioral psychology that suggests the “hedonic superiority” of experiential over material purchases.

5 Quick Ways To Start Decluttering Today | Break the Twitch by Anthony Ongaro. Here are some ways to start decluttering that will make a difference in your life today.

How to Be a Minimalist with Kids | Joshua Becker on YouTube. (4:42)

Addition by Subtraction

Ten years ago, I was introduced to a word and a lifestyle that changed my life forever. I was introduced to minimalism and the reality that by owning less, I could live more.

As we began removing physical possessions that we did not need from our home and life, we suddenly found more money, more time, more focus, more energy, less stress, and more opportunity to pursue our greatest passions in life.

During the process, I discovered a life-changing principle:

Addition by subtraction.

That when we remove the things from life we do not want, we make more room for the things in life we do.

And when we remove the things from life we do not need, we create space for the things in life we do.

This is a principle that extends beyond physical possessions—it has impact in countless other areas of life as well.

In a recent issue of Simplify Magazine, ASU Economics Professor Kelvin Wong wrote about Opportunity Cost and the significance of it in our daily lives. “Every choice we make comes with a cost, even those that are monetarily free, since even our time or energy can be put to alternative uses.”

Our lives are finite. We have a limited amount of money, and time, and energy, and space. And we only get one chance to live our best life. What we decide to allow in has a profound impact on its direction.

In fact, one of the most important decisions you will ever make in life is deciding what is most important in life.

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Finding a New Voice

Recently, I heard the story of Julie Andrews losing her singing voice after a botched throat surgery.

For those of you not familiar, Julie Andrews grew up very poor in London. But she gained great renown in Great Britain and throughout the world because of her singing and stage performances.

At age 13, Julie became the youngest soloist to perform for the king and queen. By age 18, she was performing on Broadway. At 22, she starred as Cinderella in a live CBS television broadcast seen by 107 million people. At age 29, she won the Academy Award for Best Actress for her role as Mary Poppins. And two years later, she starred in The Sound of Music, the biggest hit in the history of 20th Century Fox.

Her career would continue: music, stage, film, television, and activism.

But everything changed when Julie Andrews woke up from a botched throat surgery in 1997 to discover her singing voice was gone.

In an instant, adversity struck. The famous, four-octave soprano voice that she had built her life upon was gone. In her own words, she had lost “her identity.”

She recounts the story during her 2013 Commencement Speech at the University of Colorado. In the midst of the adversity of losing her singing voice, she recalls turning to her daughter and asking, “What am I going to do now?”

Her daughter’s response was the one we all need to hear from time to time. She turned to Julie and said, “Mom, you’ll simply need to find a new voice.”

Since that time, Julie and her daughter have written over 30 children’s books—many of which have been adapted for stage, film, and the symphony. She has also written a memoir of her childhood, Home: A Memoir of My Early Years. And she has continued to star in acting roles on film and television.

She is the epitome of somebody who “found and embraced a new voice.”

I was encouraged by her story.

It has been said that the only constant in life is change. Change is inevitable, it happens for each of us.

Sometimes, that change appears for the better. My cousin who just got married. My neighbor who recently received a promotion and raise at work. Or my son who recently received his driver’s license. Change, in each of these circumstances, it appears, is for the better.

But some changes in life do not seem for the better. My relative who lost his job. My two close friends recently diagnosed with cancer. Our close family friend’s recent divorce. Or my neighbor who buried his daughter at far too young an age. In each case, change has brought heartache and pain—through no fault of their own.

If you are experiencing adversity today, I don’t know if you need some encouragement. Nor do I know if you’d look for me to provide it.

But let me say one thing: You will prevail. You will overcome.

And not only that, you may just find a brand-new voice in the world as well.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it. It requires a conscious decision because it is a countercultural lifestyle that stands against the culture of overconsumption that surrounds us.

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

For that reason, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

Paring Down Your Life | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. At its core, paring down is about contemplating what you want to cultivate in your life, and what you’d like to remove.

How Living Small Lets Me Dream Big | The Art of Simple by Holly Wielkoszewski. The more I’ve let go of, the more I’ve seen my desire to consume shrink to fit my space.

How to Convince Someone You Live With to Get Rid of Their Stuff | Lifehacker by Patrick Allan. Whether it’s a ratty old recliner your spouse won’t give up, an overabundance of cookware in the kitchen, or a collection of weird posters your roommate hung in your living room, there are ways to compromise when it’s time for a thorough cleaning.

I Declutter Homes For a Living. I Hate Free Stuff | The Washington Post by Nicole Anzia. Is it time to rethink freebies? (Be advised: there are some limitations on the number of free Washington Post articles you can read per month).

Should You Sell or Donate Your Excess Stuff? | Joshua Becker on Video. (3:28)