Joshua Becker's Blog, page 80

How to Handle Sentimental Clutter

Many people, when they first hear about minimalism, or as they begin their own personal journey towards it, typically run into this question: What do I do with the sentimental things I’ve collected over the years?

It is a question I am asked often. And an important one.

Here is my advice:

1. Remember that less is different than none.

No one is saying that you have to get rid of everything you have an emotional attachment to—but I do think you will find benefit in owning less.

Here’s what I mean by that: When my wife’s grandmother passed away a number of years ago, she came home with a small cardboard box of things collected from her grandmother’s apartment—items that reminded her of her beloved grandma. We then promptly put that cardboard box in the basement and would only notice it when we were cleaning up the basement—which rarely happened.

After we found minimalism and began getting rid of the stuff we didn’t need, we eventually ran into this cardboard box in the basement. When we did, my wife asked herself, “Okay, what am I going to do here?”

Eventually, she decided she would keep three things from the box, the three things that “most represented her grandmother.” She kept a candy dish. She kept a lapel pin, and she kept a Bible. The candy dish is now in our living room, and we see it every single day. The pin, she put on one of her coats, and she wears it occasionally. The Bible, she put in her nightstand next to her bed.

And now, because we own fewer things, they have brought a greater sense of value to that relationship. These items, now being used, serve as a more faithful reminder to us of her grandmother and her influence on Kim’s life. Less became better than more. This is often the case with sentimental belongings.

2. Your memories do not exist in the item.

The memories we cherish exist in our minds, they exist in our hearts and our souls, not in physical objects.

In our heart is where the memories live, where the influence of the person resides, or the accomplishment surrounding an event takes root. When we remove an item, we think sometimes we’re removing the memory—but we aren’t. The memories remain.

You may find it helpful to take a picture of the item before you get rid of it, just so you can look back and prompt that memory. But removing the item is not going to remove the memories.

3. Our emotional attachment to things can actually provide motivation for owning less.

Think of the sentimental things, and the things you have an emotional attachment to. They typically represent one of three things: 1) They represent an important relationship; 2) They represent an important accomplishment; or 3) They represent an important experience… so you bought the t-shirt to bring home with you.

These, you see, are the activities that add meaning, and purpose, and significance to our lives. Our relationships, our accomplishments, and our experiences. This is where the value of life resides.

But if all the things we’ve accumulated over the years are keeping us from relationships, accomplishments, experiences, then we should get reduce the number of things we own. Remove the burdens that are holding us back from those experiences, so we can enjoy even more of the things that mean the most to us.

Lastly, keep in mind, if you are beginning on your path to minimalism, and sentimental things is where you’re starting, you are going to have a hard time.

Let’s start easy, okay? Get rid of some of the things you know you don’t need. Go through your closet. Or go through your kitchen.

Begin removing some of the possessions you know don’t need to be a part of our life anymore. Remove those, and as you do, you’ll find increased motivation to own less. You’ll learn the lessons that will equip you perfectly for when you do get to these sentimental things—and you’ll be far more equipped to handle them effectively when you do.

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Minimalism. It’s About More Than Clutter.

Note: This is a guest post by Emma Scheib of Simple Slow & Lovely.

Embarking on a decluttering and minimizing endeavor can be difficult. In fact, it can be downright scary at times. This is because minimalism isn’t just about your stuff—it’s also about your why. Why you accumulated so much in the first place. And this is a difficult encounter for anyone.

Once upon a time, I was a shopaholic. Uncomfortable in my own skin, I attempted to reclothe myself in whatever the latest fashion was, choosing clothes as a second skin to boost my confidence. In my early twenties, purchasing one or two new items of clothing a week was pretty normal.

And although I always felt great in a new outfit, the feeling never lasted. The temporary boost of confidence was just replaced by a bulging wardrobe. When I decided to minimize my possessions a few years ago the thought of working through these piles of clothing I’d accumulated was overwhelming.

Because it wasn’t just the clothes I had to sort through.

If I wanted to make a lasting change to a tidier, smaller wardrobe, I had to deal with why I’d accumulated so much in the first place. And as it turns out, my why was connected to my self-worth. The reason I found solace in shiny new things was that they made me feel accepted.

Acceptance of myself has never come easy and the lack of it stems from my start to life. Being given up for adoption at birth is something that has always tainted my worldview.

At the heart of many shopping trips was my limbic brain response to being given away. It was my inner baby, clawing at something, anything to prove my right to exist. If I looked good, I would be wanted, and not discarded.

Underneath our piles of belongings, we hide fears, loneliness, and insecurities. Behind a bulging wardrobe and piles of shoes, a fear of never being loved or even liked might be lurking. Beneath a pile of impulse homeware purchases, an overwhelming anxiety might be hiding.

Clutter and excess are rarely the root of a problem, they are the result. Even worse, the clutter compounds the problem, causing further stress and anxiety.

This is important to understand.

We can declutter all we want, making our homes magazine-worthy, but until we yank out the roots of what’s caused us to accumulate stuff in the first place, we’ll have little chance of making a permanent change. We’ll just wind up back at square one, surrounded by stuff that adds no value to our lives. A kind of decluttering Groundhog Day.

You can make a permanent change in your life, to minimize your belongings, but only if you deal with the roots.

Where does one start?

Identify Your Emotions

Begin by noticing what you feel when you reach for your credit card. Awareness of the driving forces behind these purchases is an important first step. It took me awhile to realize that I was trying to fill emotional spaces when I went shopping. But once I named the emotions, it became easier to forgo shopping trips.

It might take months of just noticing the reasons you accumulate before you feel ready to make changes. But when you do…

Engage With Your Emotions as You Declutter

At the heart of my bulging wardrobe was pain from feeling unworthy. I had to engage with this pain and move through it as I decluttered. This doesn’t mean that I still don’t feel the pain. But now that I’ve recognized this emotion as a trigger, I’m less likely to add to my wardrobe and find it easier to simplify.

What do you feel looking at your piles of belongings?

Do you feel anxious? Anxiety about what you might need in a hypothetical future will stop you in your decluttering tracks. People hold onto items ‘just in case’, thinking they won’t be able to afford to replace it if they need it again. This is where community toy and tool libraries can help. When our girls are done with their toys, I donate them rather than keeping them for the grandchildren. I know when that time arrives, I can visit the toy library instead of the attic.

Do you feel lonely? If your trigger to purchasing (or keeping) items is loneliness, try connecting with others. Many of us are surrounded by people but still feel incredibly alone. Make a phone call to someone whose voice you need to hear. Ask someone to join you on your daily walk or meet someone for coffee. Ironically, the upkeep of these piles of belongings is often what keeps us from making and keeping meaningful connection with others.

Do you feel stressed and overwhelmed? Some of us have lived decades without curating our possessions. In our never-ending busyness, we lack time and energy to spring clean, let alone declutter. Find a way to drop one or two things off your to-do list and calendar this week. Decluttering does take time, but you can find it if you’re intentional.

Take Care of Yourself

Whatever it is that’s hiding under your piles of clutter, tread carefully. Take the best care of yourself possible during this process. Take regular breaks to do things that fill you back up. It might be reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a long walk. These difficult emotions, the pain, the insecurities, the worry and the sadness, they need your tender loving care as you move them gently aside.

I’ve gone through several large purges of my possessions over the last few years. I’ve swept through my home twice, each time getting rid of over 500 items. And last year, when we prepared to rent our house out, I took several car loads to our recycling center. Each time, the process got easier. Each time, I’m a little more confident and a little less fearful of looking under the rug to check what’s hiding.

I’m inching my way towards a curated and intentional life with less of what I don’t need and more of what I want.

As I’ve become more aware of my insecurities and found other ways to cope with difficult emotions, it’s become easier to let go of things. I don’t need a new outfit for every occasion. I’m happy shopping at my local thrift shops and wearing well-worn favorites. I’ve survived the long-haul of decluttering because I’ve looked after myself in the process.

And my sum total of 6 pairs of shoes? Feels like one too many.

***

Emma Scheib blogs at Simple Slow & Lovely. She is a self-confessed introvert who craves the simple and slow things in life. You can also find her on Facebook.

 

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Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Never underestimate the importance of removing stuff you don’t need.

Encouragement provides us with motivation to persevere. It invites us to dream dreams of significance for our lives. And it begs us to work diligently with optimism and promise.

Overcoming the pull of consumerism is a difficult challenge regardless of our stage in life. Simplicity requires encouragement. To that end, I hope you will find motivation in these articles below.

Each post was intentionally chosen to inspire simplicity in your life. For maximum effect, find a quiet moment this weekend and enjoy them with a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Dear Messy People, Minimalism is Especially For You | Abundant Life with Less by Rachelle Crawford‏. Minimalism works for me because I’m kind of a slob. Messy people need minimalism most of all!

Giving Myself A Dress Code Changed My Dang Life | Buzzfeed by Rachel Wilkerson Miller. Arbitrary wardrobe rules can be oppressive and terrible… unless you’re the one setting them.

Why Dave Ramsey Thinks You Should Keep Living Like ‘A Broke College Kid’ | CNBC by Emmie Martin. Here’s how to set yourself up for a financially successful adulthood.

Here’s How To Stop Overspending When Hanging Out With Friends | Forbes by Joshua Becker. Nearly 40% overspend to keep up with friends. And two-thirds of us feel buyer’s remorse after spending more than we had planned to on a social situation.

Also, here are 8 Books to Inspire You to do Life on Purpose.

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Why It’s Important To Work Hard

There are some people who choose minimalism as a means to escape work. While I understand the appeal, I am not one of them.

I enjoy work. I find happiness and joy in it. And I believe, without a doubt in my mind, those who feel the most fulfilled at the end of their lives are those who have chosen to work hard during it.

Now, just to be clear, I am not advocating to be busy just to be busy. I am advocating for the importance of doing your work (whether paid or unpaid) in a focused and deliberate way, putting your whole self into it. Doing the best you can, to accomplish the most you can, with the one life you’ve got.

But if one has chosen minimalism as a lifestyle, where do we find the motivation for working hard? After all, if we are content to own less (even prefer it), what is the point of hard work and striving for success?

If the goal of work isn’t to earn more and more money so we can buy bigger and bigger houses and fancier and more expensive cars, then what’s the point? If we’ve chosen to measure life’s success in more important terms than material possessions, why would we choose to continue working hard?

There are, actually, countless reasons.

Consider these seven, just to get started:

1. Work forces personal development.

Work, by its very nature, presents challenges and growth opportunities. It requires us to improve and develop and become better versions of ourselves. The more we grow, the better at work we get… and the greater the challenges become.

2. Our work brings benefit to society.

Our work contributes to the good of society. It serves others, it enriches peoples’ lives, and it moves everyone forward. Whether we are bagging groceries, delivering mail, analyzing stocks, curing cancer, or managing other workers, we can view our work as an act of love to the people we serve.

3. Hard work is an example to our kids.

When we strive to do our best work each day, our kids take notice. And among the greatest character traits I hope to pass on to my children is the importance of working hard on things that matter.

4. Work hard at work to work hard at life.

We learn important life lessons when we give ourselves over to hard work: determination, attentiveness, responsibility, problem-solving, and self-control all come to mind. These lessons, in turn, serve us in other areas (health, relationships, hobbies, etc.).

5. Work hard to make the most of your hours. They will pass anyway.

Each new day brings with it an important choice: either we fill it with our best or we allow it to slip away. There is no other option—the hours are going to pass anyway. Choosing to work hard makes the most of them. Please note: I am not discounting the importance of rest or balance—I have written about both extensively.

6. Work is fulfilling, in and of itself.

In my opinion, there are few joys in life more satisfying than laying down at night with tired legs attached to a tired body. To know I gave my full energy to something important is an amazing feeling and fulfilling in itself.

7. Working hard keeps our lives occupied with important matters.

Living an unoccupied life is a recipe for disaster. Choosing to fill our time and energy with things that bring value to others helps keep us from selfish and foolish decisions with idle time.

There is value in hard work and minimalism does not remove the inherent value of it. In my opinion, it brings its inherent value in sharper focus.

But, Joshua, I hate my job and find no value in it. What would you say?

Before ending this post, allow me to briefly speak to those of you disengaged at work—those who no longer find any joy in your specific role and want nothing more than to escape it.

I understand that not every job is enjoyable and feeling motivated to work hard comes easier to someone who looks forward to punching in the clock each morning (or evening). Sometimes, we are required to do work we do not enjoy. If that’s you, please remember, your enjoyment (or unenjoyment) of work does not diminish the inherent value in it.

If you are working a job you hate to provide for your family, you are doing a noble thing and should be commended. And working hard at it, in the place you are today, is your most important step out of it.

—

Please add to this conversation in the comment section below. What other reasons to work hard should be added to the list?

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How To Get a Simplify Subscription For Free

One year ago, I launched Simplify Magazine, the digital magazine for people who want to live a more purpose-focused, meaningful life.

Today…

Our newest issue, “Technology,” has been released.

As you might guess, this new issue is all about technology—namely, how to use it without letting it distract, distress, or use you.

Tech plays such a big role in all of our lives these days.

Sometimes, it can be hard to know how to manage all of the tools at our disposal without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Not to mention how to balance our kids’ screen time and smartphone dependencies with family time and “analog” activities (we used to call them “books,” as I recall… ).

In the “Technology” issue, my co-publisher Brian Gardner and I have collected 9 thoughtful, moving articles centering around technology from respected writers and thought leaders.

You’ll find new perspectives, methods, and approaches for something you encounter every day (whether tech is a problem for you, or not).

A small taste of what’s inside:

Dear Phone: Maybe We Should Start Over, by Catherine Price
I Choose You, by Rachel Macy Stafford
Decluttering Digital Devices, by Joshua Becker

We’re very excited, and think this could be our best issue yet.

I also think it could be very helpful for you. (Especially since you’re reading this blog post on a device of some kind, after all.) :)

So we’d like to offer you a special deal.

A lifetime subscription to Simplify Magazine has always been just $20.

It gives you access to all past and future issues of the magazine, so it’s already a pretty excellent deal, if I do say so myself.

But this month only, when you buy your lifetime subscription, you’ll also get a lifetime subscription to gift to a friend.

It’s our Buy One, Gift One offer.

Imagine giving your friend or loved one a continuous supply of thought-provoking, inspiring reading… instead of another gift card, knick-knack, or shirt they’ll never wear.

And when you give that gift, you’ll be giving yourself the same one.

Click here to take advantage of the Buy One, Gift One offer before it goes away.

Ten Ways Minimalism Will Improve Your Life

On this day, ten years ago, I was introduced to minimalism.

Almost immediately, I made a decision that changed my life dramatically: I decided to own fewer things in my home and life.

As I think about that decision now, ten years later, I realize that decision has only changed my life for the better. Over the course of the next nine months, we removed 60-70% of the physical possessions from our home. And to this day, I cannot think of a single negative effect or outcome that has occurred because of choosing to embrace and pursue minimalism.

My life changed while I was cleaning out my garage. It was a Memorial Day Weekend, a weekend I intended to spend with my family… once I finished up a little spring cleaning around the house.

Because that Saturday was a nice day, my five-year old son was in the backyard playing by himself. As any five-year old would, he kept asking me to play with him, running up front every 15 minutes or so. I kept pushing him off while one thing led to another during my garage-cleaning project.

At one point, I started talking to my neighbor, complaining about how much time had gone into my one chore. She changed my life with one sentence when she replied, “That’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need to own all this stuff.”

As she made that comment, I looked at my driveway containing the pile of dirty, dusty things I’d spent all morning cleaning and organizing. As I looked at this pile of things in my driveway, out of the corner of my eye, I could see my five-year-old son swinging alone on the swing set in the backyard—the same backyard he had played alone in all morning long… wanting nothing more than his dad to come out and play catch.

In that moment, I realized something very significant. I realized that everything I owned was not making me happy. But even more, I realized that everything I owned was taking me away from the very thing that did bring me happiness in life—and not just happiness, but purpose and fulfillment and joy.

This is a very different realization. It’s one thing to say possessions aren’t making me happy. But it’s something even more to realize they are actually keeping us from it. It was a 10-second conversation that changed my life only for the good.

Here are some of the most significant ways minimalism has improved my life—and can improve yours as well:

1. I have more intentionality in my life.

Minimalism, above everything else, brings greater intentionality in our lives. At first, we became more intentional in the possessions we owned and brought into our home. But we soon discovered the premise of “promote the most important by removing every distraction” held promise and opportunity in countless aspects of life.

2. I have more time and money than ever before.

Life is made up of finite resources—money, time, energy, space (just to name a few). By reducing the number of physical possessions we owned and bought, we found many of those finite resources more available than ever before.

3. I have more passion for living.

A fulfilled life is a passionate life. A life spent pursuing things that matter breathes energy and momentum into our days. It is not difficult to wake up in the morning when you know your days count for something greater than yourself. Minimalism redirected my life’s energy toward pursuits of greater significance than material possessions—and spurred more passion because of it.

4. I compare myself less with other people.

We waste so much time and energy comparing our lives to others. There is no joy to be found there. Spending all of our time thinking about what we don’t own, causes us to miss appreciating the things we do own. Comparison makes us feel we are missing out on something—even though there is joy right in front of us. Since finding minimalism and desiring less rather than more, I compare myself less with other people—at least in terms of physical possessions.

5. I have discovered hidden talents and passions.

Minimalism, I suppose, does not change our talents or skills. But it does open up opportunity to pursue them in ways we hadn’t imagined before. In the process, it may unearth hidden talents and passions we never knew existed before. Writing, is the best example in my life.

Once we overcome the temptation to waste our most finite resources simply managing and pursuing more and more physical possessions, it’s amazing what else we discover we can do well. This fuels even more passion for living (as I mentioned above).

6. I have left an example for my kids they will never forget.

For the last ten years, I have modeled for my children that personal belongings are not the key to happiness, that security is found in their character, and the pursuit of happiness runs a different road than most advertisements will tell you. These are valuable life lessons I hope will shape their decisions far into the future.

7. I have grown in my faith and spirituality.

I don’t write much about my personal faith and spirituality on this blog—it’s just not something I choose to do (though it’s not hard to find if you’re looking for it). But as I look back over ten years of minimalism, I can’t overlook the impact and influence that minimalism has had on my spirituality—not that it has changed my faith, but it has certainly brought new depth to it. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

8. I measure the value of work in more fulfilling terms.

Work gets spoken of in too many unhealthy terms—both inside and outside minimalist circles. Inside minimalist circles, work can often be considered something to be avoided. I take a different viewpoint. Work is fulfilling when seen in the right context.

Outside minimalist circles, work is that thing you do to make as much money as possible to buy as much stuff as possible. This too, is unhealthy and selfish. Work is what we do to bring benefit to society and the people around us. When we do our work well, everyone benefits. Minimalism has caused me to see work in a new, more fulfilling light.

9. I took back control of my own life.

While I didn’t know it at the time, my decision to own less was ultimately about taking back control. It was about taking back a control I didn’t even realize I had given up. It was about saying no to societal pressure and cultural norms and making the decision to live life on my own terms. Minimalism provides that benefit to all who choose to pursue it.

10. I have accomplished things I never dreamt possible.

Ten years ago, I never would have imagined my life would look today like it actually does. This blog is read by 1 million different people every single month. I’ve written books—with a new one coming out soon. I started a magazine and founded a nonprofit organization changing orphan care around the world. I’ve spoken all over the world. And I’ve been interviewed for newspapers and radio shows and podcasts. More importantly, I have been more engaged in my kids’ lives and marriage than ever before.

The last ten years have been an unbelievable ride. Here’s looking forward to the next ten—both for me, and you!

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Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

F ill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

The Quote That Finally Changed My Mind on Minimalism | Apartment Therapy by Taryn Williford. Desiring less is even more valuable than owning less.

‘FOMO Spending’ is a Real Problem for Young People | Treehugger by Katherine Martinko. Older folks, too, struggle with saying no to expensive experiences with friends.

Ten Things Our Minimizing Journey Has Taught Us | No Sidebar by Cheryl Smith. The things we thought we “owned,” really owned us, and living in bondage to them rendered us physically ill, mentally exhausted, and existing from day to day in an underlying state of misery.

They Ditched Pricey Home Ownership for a Small House on Wheels — And They Love It | LA Times by Lisa Boone. “People used to value a big house with two cars and two kids, but those statistics required people to work all the time.”

In the Midst of a Midlife Crisis, I Had to Clean House to Clear My Mind | The Globe and Mail by Alex Pope. As I quite literally cleared house, I unearthed parts of myself that had laid dormant for years.

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Inheritance: It’s More than You Think

I was recently asked, “How does your view of passing on an inheritance factor in your minimizing?”

I responded with a quote from Peter Strople I’ve never forgotten:

Legacy is not leaving something for people. It’s leaving something in people.

The inheritance we pass on to our children is more than the material possessions or the financial assets outlined in our will. It also includes the legacy we leave and the example we set. In this way, inheritance is more than what we usually think about.

This is an important perspective—and the ramifications are significant.

Interestingly, the very definition of inheritance includes this reality:

inheritance

noun

: something, as a quality, characteristic, or other immaterial possession, received from progenitors or predecessors as if by succession.

The inheritance we leave for our children extends beyond the material things in our attic or the zeroes in our bank account. Our inheritance also includes the example we live, the moral compass we set, the character we develop, and the name we build for ourselves and our family.

This is important to remember, first of all, for those with little financial wealth. Regardless of the dollar amount contained in your will, you can still pass on to your children (and their children) a valuable inheritance by living a life of character and decency focused on the things that matter most. This inheritance, by the way, is more valuable in the long run than a dollar figure anyway.

This truth about immaterial inheritance is also relevant and challenging to those with financial means. When wealth is added to the equation, it becomes very tempting to define and focus only on the material possessions that we desire to pass on: the house, the land, the bank accounts, the businesses.

But relatively speaking, these assets are less important than the character traits and the life model we will inevitably pass on to our children. For our kids’ sake, it is shortsighted to spend our lives focused too much on financial wealth, rather than character development.

Regardless of your net worth, if you have family, you will pass on an inheritance. Let’s remember the gifts we can leave to our children extend far beyond material possessions. And work diligently to focus on the most important.

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One Daily Reminder We Need to Read Every Morning this Summer

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Angel (and Marc) Chernoff of Marc & Angel Hack Life.

Recently one of our course students, Monica—a recovering victim of a very recent and debilitating car accident—was smiling from ear to ear the minute our FaceTime coaching session began.

“What has you in such good spirits today?” I asked her. “I’m thinking differently about things…about how lucky I am to be alive,” she replied. “I thought the injuries I sustained in that accident signified the end of life as I know it, but now I realize they signify the beginning.”

All details aside, Monica decided to begin again, in her mind first and then in her life. It’s taken her several weeks of healing and practice, but she has consciously let go of the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” attachments in her head about her circumstances, and she has stepped forward with grace and determination. Her new beginning has everything to do with her new way of thinking.

Truth be told, no matter when we look at the calendar, today is really just the beginning, for all of us. And we can prevent the wrong thoughts and beliefs from getting the best of us as we move forward with our lives. We can train our minds to make the very best of the present moment, even when our circumstances are far less than ideal. All it takes is…

Practice. Daily practice, every morning.

The morning is vital. It’s the foundation from which the day is built. And that’s why we have to be mindful of how we speak to ourselves when we first wake up. What we tell ourselves first thing in the morning is a big part of what we hear for the rest of the day.

Positive morning reminders are honestly one of the simplest and most powerful tools for mental growth.

It’s all about keeping the right thoughts top of mind from the get-go every day, so they’re readily available on those hard days when you need them most.

For Monica, that has meant sitting down quietly with herself every morning after breakfast and reflecting on precisely what she needs to remember. She reads quotes (many of which are now excerpts from our new book) like the one below to do just that. Some people call them affirmations, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these positive morning reminders keep Monica on track by keeping peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives centered in her mind, even as she struggles to cope with her injuries.

She has ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no chaos, trouble, or hard realities to deal with—peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain mentally and emotionally centered.

This is one of our favorite morning reminders. Our challenge to you is to spend 60 seconds every morning this Summer reciting it to yourself as soon as you wake up, before you begin your day. See how doing so affects your mood and disposition throughout the day…

Look around,

And be thankful right now.

For your health,

Your family,

Your friends,

And your home.

Nothing lasts forever.

Try it now.

Take a deep breath and read it out loud.

And as you say the words health, family, friends, and home, pause briefly and visualize each of them.

Think about what gifts they are, even if they’re imperfect.

Be grateful for them just as they are.

Instead of focusing on what you’d change about them, focus on what you love about them and how much value they add to your life.

As you repeat this reminder each morning, pause the same way you just did. Many of these everyday gratitudes are too easily forgotten. And they are critically important!

In our new book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs, we explore gratitude as a fundamental daily ritual for creating happiness.

This is an active practice of taking life day by day and being thankful for the little things. It’s about not getting caught up in what you can’t control, but instead accepting it and making the best of it. Because, when you stop worrying about what you can’t control, you have more time to change the things you can control. And that changes everything.

This book represents the culmination of hundreds of hours of work with course students like Monica, and lots of one-on-one work with each other, too. Made up of small lessons and tiny, life-changing daily rituals, we have seen these exact practices change lives time and again.

We’re excited to share Getting Back to Happy with you, so we’re also giving away some bonuses (including the One Day at a Time 60-day Workbook) to Becoming Minimalist readers that order the book today. You can get details here.

Above all, what you need to remember is that it’s ultimately your choice…

Yes, it’s your choice.

YOUR choice.

You are choosing right now.

And if you’re choosing…

to complain…

to blame…

to be stuck in the past…

to act like a victim…

to feel insecure…

to feel anger…

to feel hate…

to be naïve…

to ignore your intuition…

to ignore good advice…

to give up…

…then it’s time to choose differently.

But, let me also remind you that you are not alone. Generations of human beings in your family tree have chosen. Human beings around the world have chosen. We all have chosen at one time or another. And we stand behind you now whispering:

Choose to let go.

Choose to be present.

Choose to be positive.

Choose to forgive yourself.

Choose to forgive others.

Choose to see your value.

Choose to see the possibilities.

Choose to find meaning.

Choose to prove you’re not a victim.

Choose to practice thinking better (and living better), every morning.

And of course, if there’s anything else Marc and I can do to assist you, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below.

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Angel (and Marc) Chernoff are the creators of Marc & Angel Hack Life, which was recognized by Forbes as “one of the most popular personal development blogs” and the authors of the new book, Getting Back to Happy. Through their writing, coaching, course and annual live events (where Joshua Becker has spoken twice), they’ve spent the past decade sharing proven strategies for getting unstuck in order to find lasting happiness and success.

The Endowment Effect: Why You Can’t Let Go Of Your Possessions

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Louis Chew of Constant Renewal.

Not long ago, I tried clearing some of my possessions. It didn’t go well.

As I went through some old books and notes from school, I wondered to myself if I’d ever use them again. Deep down, I knew there was no chance I’d ever read the same books I enjoyed as a teenager. Still, I kept them. I reasoned with myself that maybe someday someone I knew would need them.

It’s safe to assume that it’s extremely unlikely that someday will ever arrive. The truth is I don’t need those books anymore. Neither did I want them anymore. Yet, I still couldn’t get rid of them. It just feels right to keep those items in my life.

I’m probably not alone in this. This thought process is something that most of us go through whenever it comes to our possessions. Some call it sentimental value. But the better answer is probably found in economics and psychology.

The Endowment Effect

In the 1970’s, psychologist Richard Thaler noticed a weird pattern.

A man who bought a bottle of wine for $5 a few years ago was offered $100 by the wine merchant to buy the bottle back. This was a fair price that the bottle would probably fetch in an auction. But the man declined to sell. When offered a chance to buy a similar bottle from the wine merchant for $100, the man also refused. The man didn’t necessarily appreciate the wine, but he was still unwilling to sell at that price.

This wasn’t an isolated incident; in fact it’s all around us. The Economist recently published an article that surveyed how much people were willing to pay for legroom in an airplane. When told they did not have an automatic right to decline, but would have to negotiate for it, the recliners were only willing to pay $12 on average for this comfort. But when asked how much they would need to be paid to give up their own legroom, they required on average of $39.

The inconsistency is revealing. Psychologists call this the Endowment effect: it’s the tendency for us to overvalue things we own. It explains why we are so unwilling to give something up once we have ownership of it.

At first, the researchers thought that this was a classic case of loss aversion, where we feel the pain of losing something more strongly than the pleasure of gaining something.

That sounds logical, but there’s a more insidious reason. Psychologists have also concluded that this overvaluation may stem from our sense of ownership itself. We value something more simply because it is ours. If we own a car, laptop, or watch of a certain model, we would similarly overvalue that same object owned by someone else because we own one ourselves.

Fighting The Endowment Effect

The Endowment Effect often goes unnoticed by us in most scenarios. What can we do then to counter this phenomenon? Here are three strategies you can apply:

Ask yourself: how much would I pay for this if I didn’t already own it? More often than not, you’ll find that the answer is nothing. If that’s the case, it’s a clear sign you value an item not because of its extrinsic or intrinsic value, but simply because of the endowment effect. 

Consider the utility of the item. How much do you really need this item? The 80-20 principle holds true for our possessions as well: 80% of the utility we get comes from 20% of the possessions we own. Is this item adding value or simply creating clutter?

Borrow and don’t own. Luxury brands often offer customers a fitting, trial, or a test of their product. We take advantage of this offer because it’s free. But what we don’t realize is that the endowment effect is already beginning to influence our decisions: we feel like we own that dress or car we’re trying out.

It’s little wonder we walk out of stores with new possessions and less money in the bank more often than we like. If you want to try out a product, borrow it from a friend. This way, the obligation to return the borrowed item will prevent you from holding onto it indefinitely.

The endowment effect takes a larger psychological toll on us than we realize. Every year, we go through the same process of cleaning and figuring out where to store our possessions. Don’t let this happen to you. Take the time to solve this problem once and for all. It’s far better to de-own than declutter.

The cost of ownership is often greater than we think. But that’s not all. The cost and value of things become great only because we own it. And the more we recognize this, the more we’ll feel the liberation of less.

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Louis Chew blogs at Constant Renewal where he inspires others to overcome mental barriers and fears to live their best life.