Joshua Becker's Blog, page 54

10 Things NOT to Declutter First

Without a doubt, the most common mistake I see people make on their journey to a minimalist life is to start decluttering in the wrong place. Too often, we choose a difficult first step, rather than an easy one.

Now, just to be clear, I’m fine with whatever method works for you to minimize your possessions and free your life for more important pursuits. And if starting in a really difficult area and working backwards works for you and your family, go for it.

But for most people, the most effective strategy to minimize possessions is to start easy and work your way up to decluttering harder areas and harder spaces.

That’s the process my wife and I used years ago. And that’s the process I recommend on this blog and in the Clutterfree app.

Go ahead, start decluttering with your easiest step.

I thought it might helpful for me to write down some of the places people are tempted to declutter first, even though they probably shouldn’t. So I sat down and wrote out this list of 10—they appear in no particular order.

Starting at any of these spaces tends to end in frustration and exhaustion—and too quickly leads to failure rather than success.

10 Things NOT to Declutter First



1. Photos.

Many people have boxes and boxes of old family photos that need to be curated, but spending hours and hours flipping through old family photos usually just leads to hours and hours more as memories surface.

Save this project for later. When you do, keep only the best.

2. Sentimental ltems.

Sentimental items may be around for any number of reasons—to remember a past season of life, a relationship, an experience, or an accomplishment.

Holding onto the best is a fine idea—less is different than none—but wait for this step until you’ve experienced and noticed the benefits of owning less in your life. You’ll find it easier to accomplish.

3. Paper.

Paper clutter is a real issue, no doubt about it. But you can spend hours working through just one small pile of paper and still see no significant difference in your home.

Instead, spend those hours removing larger possessions from your home first. You’ll notice the progress easier and will be encouraged to continue.

4. The Garage.

Similar to paper, large cluttered spaces take a lot of time and a more noticeable change in your home can be better found elsewhere. Additionally, not many people spend considerable time in their garage (they drive in and drive out).

Beginning in an easier room you spend considerable time in (like a bedroom or living room) pays off greater dividends quicker.

5. Kids’ Toys.

I speak to a lot of parenting groups. When I open the discussion for questions, the first one is always the same, “This minimalism thing sounds great. How do I get rid of my kids’ toys?” And my answer is always the same, “It is entirely unfair for you to begin your journey into minimalism by forcing your kids to get rid of their stuff. You need to go first.”

When your kids see you removing the possessions from your own room and closet first, they’ll be more prepared for when you eventually get to theirs. 

6. Your Partner’s Stuff.

Similar to kids’ things, you should never begin your decluttering journey by getting rid of your spouses’ stuff. In fact, I’d counsel you, in almost every case, not to remove your partner’s stuff without including them in the process.

It is simply too easy to see everyone else’s clutter than it is to see our own. You do your work, you set the example, and when your partner sees the benefits, he or she will be ready. And you’ll be there to help.

7. Drawers.

I think it is important to move through your home room-by-room decluttering your unneeded things. I also think it is important to start in visible areas first because seeing progress is important (especially if you have a lot of work to do).

When minimizing a new room, break each into smaller projects if you need to. But start in visible areas, not hidden clutter like drawers and cabinets. You’ll get to those spaces eventually, but start with the visible stuff in your line of sight already.

8. Your Collections.

Your collections probably need to be decluttered, but there are some questions that need to go into this process first.

Do I have too many collections? Am I going to continue collecting these things? Is there a better way to store or display these items?

Personally, I found that my opinions on these matters changed significantly as I pursued minimalism. As I saw the benefits of owning less, I began to question my collections in ways I hadn’t before—I believe you’ll find the same to be true for you.

9. Digital Clutter.

Don’t start your minimalism journey by deleting emails. Again, you should do that (and almost certainly unsubscribe from them as well). But digital clutter is different than physical clutter.

Physical clutter carries more weight and burden than digital clutter. So, you should declutter your digital files, but it’s a terrible place to start. Start with your physical objects.

10. Books.

I’m going to include books on this list—not because it is a problem for everyone, but because it is a difficult task for many. If you love books, no doubt you own quite a few, and may even feel the sense that you should own fewer of them. This is probably true.

But if you feel an emotional attachment to books, you should hold off on this step—similar to the reasons listed in Sentimental Items above.

The decluttering process I recommend the most is to work through your home easiest-to-hardest, starting with the most lived-in areas first. It’s the method that is the most effective for the most amount of people.

By not starting in the areas listed above, you will avoid frustration and fatigue at the beginning.

You’ll love owning less. You can do it.

6 Thought-Provoking Questions to Discover A More Intentional Life (In Any Area)

Minimalism is, essentially, about intentionality.

It is the intentional promotion of the things we most value by removing anything that distracts us from it.

In most cases, when referring to minimalism, people think about physical possessions. And it is true that minimalists own fewer possessions, but that’s not the entire story.

Intentionality leads to intentionality. So, becoming more intentional in one area of life (possessions) typically spills over into other areas of life as well (schedule or relationships, for example).

When my wife and I (and two young children) began minimizing our possessions, we began to notice how unintentional we had been living. We had closets and shelves and drawers full of things that we didn’t need and didn’t use. We owned more than needed.

When we began to consider how much money and time and energy had gone into purchasing, managing, and maintaining all those possessions, we began to notice the foolishness of unintentional living. Our lives were being wasted, to a great degree, pursuing and accumulating physical items.

I knew, from that moment forward, we would be more thoughtful in the items we purchased, kept, and pursued. We both knew there are more important things to pursue in life than material possessions—and we had wasted too much on them.

This approach quickly spread to other areas of life. Were there non-material things we had also collected that were distracting from our greatest pursuits?

What about our time commitments? Our habits? Our work pursuits? Our finances? Our parenting? Even our relationships?

Had we become unintentional in those areas of life as well—allowing things to creep in that didn’t belong there? It didn’t take long to notice we had. In this way, intentionality in one area of life (physical possessions) brought greater intentionality in other areas as well.

So how do we become more intentional in all areas of life?

We begin by asking questions.

Not necessarily easy questions, but important ones.

Finding intentionality is not always easy. It takes work and thoughtfulness and deep self-awareness.

But these six questions will foster those characteristics in your life. You likely won’t be able to answer them all, right now, as you sit down to read them. But answering them quickly wasn’t the goal when I created the list.

Write them down. Or come back to this article. Work through each one, in order, seeking the richest answers for each. The time spent pursuing intentional living is never wasted—no matter how long it takes. 

6 Thought-Provoking Questions to Discover A More Intentional Life (In Any Area)



1. What do I want to accomplish with my life?

An intention means: an idea that you plan (or intend) to carry out.

By definition, living an intentional life, in any area, requires an answer to this question above. What is the aim of my life? What do I want to accomplish with it?

Don’t quit on this question thinking you need every detail of it answered, but a general direction is important. What 3-4 good things do you most desire to accomplish in this world? It may be related to your faith, your family, your work, your passion, or any combination of them.

Do your best. You’ll need some answer here to continue.

2. What do I need in order to accomplish that goal?

Whatever you want to accomplish in life, however you define it, will require resources.

It will require your time, your energy, your focus, and your money.

It will, almost certainly, also require some physical possessions, a healthy body, and enriching relationships.

It might also require a certain level of training, or education, or personal attributes.

Your needed items will change or evolve over the years. But as you seek to answer this question at this point in time, ask yourself, “Right now, to take my next step forward, what do I need?”

3. What is getting in the way of those goals?

What has accumulated in your life that is keeping you from reaching your goal(s)?

The items on this list may be actively preventing you from reaching your goal or just passively distracting you from it.

For example, an unhealthy addiction may be an example of something in your life actively preventing you from being your best self. But “watching too much television” may be just an example of a distraction.

Either way, actively or passively, if it is keeping you from your goal, it is wise to recognize and identify.

4. What caused me to allow things into my life that don’t contribute to that goal?

This question will require deep self-reflection, on many levels, but don’t avoid it. In order to identify how these distractions will be removed, it is important to recognize how they came to be.

Some habits, behaviors, possessions, or commitments appeared in your life just because you weren’t paying attention. They started to accumulate, became normal, and weren’t even recognized as distractions until we considered the question above.

But others accumulated because of fear or avoidance or unhealthy motivations. Unhealthy motivations that take us away from significance and meaning—or however you answered the first question.

If we are going to find victory in the long run living an intentional life, we need to begin identifying the reasons we pursue distractions from it.

5. What steps do I need to take in order to remove them?

After identifying your goals in life, the distractions that keep you from those goals, and the reasons for them, you can begin making a plan to remove those distractions.

Granted, entire articles or blogs or books could be written about specifically removing distractions. And depending on which distractions you need to begin removing, the resources you turn to may vary from person to person.

Depending on what you identified in Question 3, a simple Google search may be a great place to start.

“How do I stop watching so much television?”

“How do I remove unneeded time commitments?”

“How do I break the habit of ________?”

Again, I don’t think any of these questions are necessarily easy to answer. (I hope you can see by now how difficult some of this work is).  But answering this question is always worth the effort.

6. How often do I need to re-evaluate my life direction?

Unintentionality has a crafty way of sneaking up on us. We can claim intentionality in our calendar today, only to have it slowly fill back up again. We gain victory over unhealthy habits for a period of time only to see new unhealthy habits begin to emerge down the road.

So, a final question to ask needs to be focused on how often you will return to this list. Consider it your Intentionality Check Up.

You will find these questions get easier and easier the more often you ask them. Answering them the first time is always the hardest.

And while it is true that our goals/needs/distractions may change from season to season in our lives, once we begin in a direction toward intentionality, it is easier to steer back in that direction down the road when needed.

These six questions about intentionality in any area of life can be applied in countless phases and stages of our lives. As well they should.

The Life-Enriching Opportunity of a Stop-Doing List

“Sometimes our stop-doing list needs to be bigger than our to-do list.” —Patti Digh

Over the summer, my brother convinced me to try intermittent fasting. He’s lost a fair amount of weight using the method, as have other people I know.

Now, let me be clear, this is not an article recommending intermittent fasting (or any diet technique). This post is about something bigger.

Back to my conversation:

My brother was recommending intermittent fasting. I’m not in a place where I’m trying to lose a lot of weight, so that wasn’t a selling point for me. But I continued to ask him questions because I’m always interested.

One answer he gave to a question of mine piqued my interest.

I asked him, “Seems like eating only a few hours each day would result in lower energy levels. Have you found that to be true?”

His response, which convinced me to give intermittent fasting a try, was this, “No, not at all. I have as much energy as ever. In fact, I often feel more productive during the day because I’ve cut out an entire meal.”

It was enough, at the very least, for me to give it a try. Three months later I’m still intermittent fasting. Again, not necessarily because I’m losing a whole lot of weight, but because I enjoy the lifestyle change (at least for now).

Because I have stopped doing one thing (eating breakfast), it has changed my entire morning routine—to something I prefer much more.

I used to spend a good portion of my morning cooking breakfast, eating breakfast, cleaning up breakfast, all while listening to the news. When I was finished, I would jump into some work projects—always a little bit distracted by the news I had just heard while drinking coffee and eating eggs.

But removing that one meal has entirely reoriented my morning.

Now I begin the day, because of the extra available time, with solitude, meditation, and faith reflection. That small change has brought new meaning to my morning.

The removal of one practice/habit sparked a significant change in my life.

As I began to reflect on how removing a meal has transformed my morning, I began to notice elsewhere in my life that this has happened.

When I first began this blog, I had two young children, was working full-time, and had just begun minimizing the possessions in my home, room-by-room. And yet, I felt compelled to write and document my journey (that was the original intent of this blog by the way).

To find time to journal our progress, I almost entirely cut television out of my life. Rather than sitting on the couch in the evening to watch a sporting event or entertainment series, I sat down to write.

The removal of one habit sparked a new one in my life.

Additionally, as I minimized my possessions and freed up time that was previously spent cleaning or organizing, I began going to the local gym to get my physical body in a healthier place.

Or, when I took on a 40-day experiment to not use my phone for anything but actual phone calls, I freed up countless hours in my week that were normally wasted scrolling social media or playing apps on my phone. In the time recovered from the removal of those habits, I became more attentive to the people and conversations around me.

It’s an interesting reality that happens every day (we always trade one activity for another) but we rarely actively and intentionally apply the principle to our lives.

The removal of one activity/habit/practice/commitment makes room for a new one to surface. Stopping one low-value action results in a life-enriching opportunity to add new ones.

How do we go about making this change?

1. Recognize the importance of having a Stop-Doing List.

Warren Buffett once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

He’s right. And that truth summarizes the importance of removing activities that do not contribute to our success in life (which I don’t confuse with financial wealth, by the way).

The first step to intentionally removing an action, for the sake of replacing with another, is to know it’s worth the effort.

2. Choose an action to remove that doesn’t add value.

I listed several examples above: television, phone games, possessions, even breakfast.

My opening story talked about removing breakfast—but that may not be appropriate for you (or even healthy).

Instead, think through your day or week. What is one low-value activity you could remove for a period of experimentation? Question everything.

Maybe it’s something you’ve never considered removing (I certainly never thought I’d skip breakfast for 4 months in a row).

Or maybe it’s something you genuinely enjoy (I certainly thought I liked watching television in the evening).

Question everything.

3. Remove one piece rather than the entire activity if that’s easier.

This doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing proposition. When I cut out breakfast, I didn’t cut out eating entirely. When I cut out television in the evening on weekdays, that didn’t mean I wouldn’t still watch football with my son on Sunday afternoons.

When I cut out games from my phone for 40 days, I didn’t ditch the device entirely

If you’re struggling to place an item on your Stop-Doing List, try thinking smaller.

Maybe cut out television on Mondays and Wednesdays. Stop checking email in the morning. Cancel just one social obligation. Or avoid just one time-wasting website during the week.

4. Commit for 21 days.

Add that low-value activity to your Stop-Doing List and commit to it for a short, 21-day experiment.

The 21-day experiment approach will further your resolve. “The habit change isn’t forever,” you’ll tell yourself, “it’s just for 21 days.”

Those three weeks will give you enough time to see what you think about your new normal, but it won’t seem overly excessive. If, after 21 days, you want to keep the new habit, you’ve basically already started it in your life.

5. Fill your opening with a worthwhile activity.

Remember the purpose of this exercise. Stopping one action results in a life-enriching opportunity to add a new one. So, don’t just remove an activity, fill that new time with something valuable and productive to the life you want to live.

Replace that removed habit with reading, exercising, solitude, writing, or art. Start a new hobby or pick up an old one. The choice is yours, just be sure to be intentional about picking something.

6. Don’t forsake rest.

Just to clarify here, I’m not talking about removing all aspects of rest or relaxation from your life so you can fill your life with even busier pursuits.

I’m talking about removing a low-value activity (however you define that) with a more healthy and productive habit in your life. 

Rest and relaxation are still essential to intentional living.

7. Re-evaluate after 21 days.

After the 21-day experiment has concluded, reassess. Are you happy with your new habit or daily structure?

After a month of intermittent fasting, I could recognize that I enjoyed my mornings (and rest of the day) more without breakfast (who knew?). Now, that doesn’t mean I’ll never return to it. But it does mean, for today, I am happier and more grounded than I was before. And for that, I am thankful.

You may have a different experience, but you can always return to the way life used to be.

I just want to encourage you today, to try something new in your life, by intentionally removing something else. That is, after all, the very essence of minimalism.

There Are No Perfect People

I’m not sure who needs to hear this today, but in case it’s you who needs to be reminded:

There are no perfect people.

There are lots of people trying to better themselves and improve their lives, but none of them are perfect.

It’s important for us to remember that, because sometimes, from the outside looking in, it’s easy to think otherwise.

I was recently reading a magazine profile piece of a well-known family. It was in one of those magazines you’d find in a grocery store checkout—complete with beautiful photos of the family and their gorgeous home on the cover.

Based on the article, it would appear this family was picture-perfect. The home was immaculate. The marriage was honest, authentic, built on nothing but love. The children were impressive. Even the couples’ careers were taking off based on the author’s description.

It would be easy for someone reading the article to become quickly jealous and envious of the two in the article.

Because from everything written, it appeared, their lives were perfect.

But I know better. Oh, I don’t know the two in the article, but I know life and I know human beings well enough to know that their life isn’t nearly as perfect as it appears on the pages of this glossy magazine.

I know, when the journalist and photographer aren’t there, that the couple argues at times, the kids aren’t always behaved, and the kitchen isn’t always clean. Because I know people, I know each of them struggle with self-doubt, or pride, or selfish ambition, or fear of never measuring up to someone else featured in the same magazine.

That’s what life looks like—trials, temptations, mistakes, regrets, always falling a little bit short. That’s what life looks for me, for you, and everyone else.

Over the years, I’ve gotten to know quite a few well-known writers in the self-help field. They write fabulous books with wonderfully helpful ideas. But I think, at times, we can read these books and begin to incorrectly assume that each author has life entirely figured out.

Again, I can attest (firsthand this time), that is not the case. They struggle with the same issues as all of us—divorce, fear, addiction, pride, lack of discipline, just to name a few.

Now, that’s not to say their books aren’t helpful or true. It just means that nobody is perfect. Life never is.

Again, I don’t know who needs to hear this today. But I feel compelled to write it. It is too easy to get frustrated with our own life when we place others on a pedestal assuming they’ve got everything figured out.

Trust me, they don’t. Nobody is as successful as Instagram makes them look, nobody is as beautiful as filters make them seem, nobody is as disciplined as their writing describes them, and nobody is as put together as their social media portrays.

That being said…

I do know a whole lot of people who are working their tail off to become their best self.

They are working to declutter their possessions.

They are trying to become more intentional with their finances.

They are striving to be better parents, better spouses, or better mentors in their community.

They are working to overcome addiction or unhealthy habits.

They are studying in a field, developing a craft, reading books, or listening to podcasts in areas they desire improvement.

They are waking early or staying up late.

They are hitting the gym, changing their diet, or testing out the newest productivity hacks from the seminar they attended last month.

There are people in this world working hard to become better. They are not perfect, but they are striving to be better than the person they were yesterday.

And you should be one of them—no matter your current season of life.

You should strive for more.

Precisely because: There are no perfect people.

We all have room to grow.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

11 Simple Ways for any Mama to Become a Minimalist | Motherly by Courtney Carver. Say yes less for more time to do things you love with people you love.

How to Declutter Your Digital World | The New York Times by Sara Aridi. If you are suffering from tech fatigue, or simply trying to become more productive online, here are steps you can take to organize your digital landscape.

* New York Times visitors have free access to a limited amount of articles. If you have exceeded your monthly limit, this article may appear behind a paywall. I have no association with the NYT — it’s just a helpful article I chose to recommend.

An Empty Room Can Actually be Less Boring than Other More Stimulating Environments | PsyPost by Eric Dolan. Under some conditions, environments that allow for multiple potential activities can make people feel more bored than relatively empty environments, according to new research published in Cognition and Emotion. 

The Pros and Cons of Minimalism | Antimaximalist by Eric. Many minimalists often feel they’ve found a new sense of freedom in life. They’ve put down the burden of keeping up with the Joneses.

Love People, Not Things. | Joshua Becker on YouTube

How Less Stuff Leads to a Bigger Life

Minimalism is a means to a bigger life, not a smaller one.

There are many misconceptions about minimalism—both from people on the outside of the movement and from some who are just beginning to pursue the lifestyle.

One such misconception is that minimalism is a means to check out of life or check out of society.

Many seem to assume the goal of minimalism is to sit on a beach somewhere for the rest of their days. But this is not the best way to view minimalism—at least not in my opinion.

In fact, when I wrote The More of Less, my only request of the publisher was to not include a picture of recliners of a beach on the cover. “Checking out of life is not what this book is about,” I repeatedly said to the designers.

Just the opposite.

Minimalism frees up our finite resources so we can pursue more important things in life than physical possessions. It frees up our money and our time, our energy and our focus. It brings intentionality into our life.

It frees us up to pursue our greatest passions and it frees us to pursue those things in life that bring real joy and real meaning and real significance and real fulfillment and real happiness.

And the place that we’re going to find the most meaning and fulfillment is in helping others, in serving others, in giving to others, and in being the best member of society that we can possibly be.

If you are just getting started on your journey to minimalism, please don’t see it as a way to check out of society and life.

Instead, see it as a way to live a bigger life—focused on others and focused on the things that actually matter.

Messy House? Maybe You Own Too Much

I work out of an office. Most days, it’s just me. However, from time to time, I host a few others.

For that reason, I keep a set of four coffee mugs around. I drink coffee most of the day when I’m alone. And if there’s a meeting happening, I’m certainly brewing a fresh pot for anyone who wants it.

Yesterday, I noticed something out of the ordinary, despite working alone all week, all four of the coffee mugs were out of the cabinet.

One was next to me with fresh coffee, two were dirty in the sink, and the fourth was sitting on the counter, next to the sink.

It has been a couple busy days—the first week of the Uncluttered Course always requires a significant amount of my energy. And we just started up this Tuesday. Because my days have been full, I’ve fallen into a common trap:

I didn’t need to wash my coffee mug because there was a clean one still in the cabinet, so I just left it out dirty.

We do this all the time.

When life is not busy, or my attention is not divided, it only takes a few short seconds to hand wash my coffee mug and put it away before I leave the office. So I often do.

But during this busy week, when my attention was divided, and there were other things on my agenda, it became too easy to leave the cleaning task undone—even though it would have only taken a few seconds.

This is how our excess possessions lead to a messy home. When we have more than we need, there is less incentive to clean up along the way. And when our attention is pulled from one thing to another, this excess gets left out all too often.

Much of the mess in our home is a result of having too much stuff.

Just think of the different ways this plays out in our homes:

• We leave dirty dishes in our sink because we can grab a new one from the cabinet.

• We don’t clean our pots and pans or spatulas because it’s easy to grab a different one.

• We leave out the blanket in the living room because there’s another one in the bedroom.

• Our dirty clothes piles grow taller and taller as long as there’s something clean to wear in the closet.

• Our kids leave their toys out, all over the house, because there’s always another one they haven’t played with yet.

• Rubber bands and pens and paper clips collect in our junk drawer—way more than we’ll ever use.

• Coats gather by the backdoor because everyone in the house is wearing a different one today.

• Books and magazines and newspapers pile up on our counter because there’s always a new one to read.

• Phone charger cords can be seen in every room of the house because there’s always another one in the room we are heading to.

• Our linen closet shelves fill up with towels and sheets because there are so many that rarely get used.

• And the list goes on and on: tools, board games, yarn, shoes, sporting equipment, DVDs, video game supplies, purses…

For me, in this specific scenario, it didn’t take long to wash and dry my coffee mugs and put them back where they belong—eliminating the small mess.

But in our homes, it’s a different story.

The average American home has over 300,000 items inside of it. That’s a whole lot of excess… and a lot of mess because of it.

If your house is messy all the time, maybe you’ve got too much stuff inside it. Owning less will help you keep it clean, among other benefits.

Getting Decluttered with Your Significant Other

This is a guest post from Rachelle Crawford of Abundant Life With Less.

While my husband and I have many things in common, such as our ability to relate absolutely every situation in life back to an episode of Seinfeld, we are really very different people. I dream of living the expat life, while he’s quite satisfied sticking close to home. I tend to be rather impulsive, while he’s much more strategic. He can tidy a room in a matter of minutes, while I tend to wander aimlessly from corner to corner like a distracted, lost puppy looking for a snack. Ooh, Cheez-Its. 

This is why it came as a big surprise when we both took to minimalism within just a few weeks of each other. Over three years ago, I went minimalist in one uncharacteristically decisive move, and immediately gutted my wardrobe in an afternoon. When my husband arrived home from work that day, I paraded him around our bedroom, showing off my heaping donation piles as if I were sharing with him what he’d won as a contestant on the Price is Right. “Look at all this stuff we don’t actually need?” 

He was skeptical at first, but within just a couple weeks, he too dove in headfirst and somehow managed to eliminate even more clothing than I did. It was a month of surprises for both of us.

His jaw dropped when I, the typically “spendier” of the two of us, implemented a strict family spending freeze. And I almost fainted, watching as he added his old high school polo shirts to our donation pile. Yeah, that’s right, I said high school. Both of us looking at the other in shock, thinking to ourselves, “Who are you? And what have you done with the person I married?!”

Here’s the thing though. While yes, we both got on board with minimalism almost simultaneously, we didn’t always agree on what should be considered “clutter.” In fact, to this day, we still don’t always agree.

Take for example, our armoire-vintage coffee mug standoff.

In our bedroom we have an enormous armoire. Regardless of the fact that it’s well over half empty, we’re likely never, ever, ever going to get rid of this monstrosity. Trust me, I’ve tried. But for reasons I find ridiculous, my husband insists we keep it. I hate that armoire.

Now, if you head into our kitchen, and open the cabinet above our coffee maker, you’ll find a relatively small collection of adorable, eclectic coffee mugs. Now, it’s important I point out that if this article were written by my husband, that last line would have read, “… you’ll find an abundance of the most horrendously gaudy, mismatched coffee mugs on the planet.” He’d prefer we ditch most of those mugs, but for reasons my husband finds ridiculous, I insist we keep them. My husband hates those coffee mugs.

If you’re sharing a space, getting your partner on board may feel like the holy grail of becoming a minimalist. It’s easy to assume that once you turn that corner, you’ll be set, and on your way to living clutter free, forever. Amen. But in my experience, that’s only just the beginning. 

Yes, both of you working together toward the same goal is remarkably helpful. However, anyone who’s ever taken on even the smallest home improvement project knows the devil is in the details. You’re not going to always agree on the best way to get the job done.

Whether you’re considering minimalism, just getting started, or knee-deep in donation piles, here are 3 strategies to help you navigate the rough waters of decluttering with the person you love:

1. Choose Fewer Battles

Don’t swap your clutter for conflict. It’s just not worth it. 

The people in your home are far more important than eliminating the excess stuff. The fewer battles you take on, the better. Minimalism won’t reduce the stress in your home if you’re constantly arguing about what should stay and what should go.

There are moments when I feel getting rid of that monstrosity of an armoire is a battle worth fighting, but it only takes a moment for me to remember, it’s just not worth it.

2. Circle Back

If there is an item, or more likely items, in your home you can’t agree whether to keep or donate, opt to set it aside and circle back later. Sometimes a little more experience living with less can help. Continue working through some of the simpler areas of your home, strengthening your decluttering muscles together. There’s rarely an item that needs to be eliminated emergently. That is assuming it isn’t leading to an infestation of some sort.

Drop the debate and keep making progress in the areas of your home you can agree on. Remember, this is about creating a space where your whole family can better thrive, and that often takes time, patience and a whole lot of a grace.

3. Move at a Pace You’re Both Comfortable With

My husband is a really fast walker. It’s not uncommon for him to turn around and find that he’s either twenty yards ahead of the rest of us or we’re all half jogging, and somewhat out of breath, trying to keep pace with him.

You can only journey as fast as the slowest member of your family. It didn’t matter if my husband made it to Space Mountain at Disney World in record time, when the rest of us were still working our way through the crowd. When it comes to decluttering your shared items, moving at a pace that works for both of you will reduce the number of conflicts and ensure you both have enough energy to keep moving forward.

Keep in mind, your partner may be entering into minimalism with slightly more hesitation than you are. Work together to find a sustainable pace you can both keep up with.

If Your Significant Other Is Anything but Minimalist

I’m very aware how lucky I am that my husband agreed to implement minimalism in our home as quickly as he did. That’s just not the case for everyone. In fact, the question of exactly how to get your significant other on board with minimalism comes up a lot.

I’ll tell you this, nothing I said got my husband on board. You’re never going to nag your loved one into a life of less. They first need to witness the benefits and decide for themselves. If this is something you really want to pursue, if you’re ready to eliminate the clutter in your home so that you can spend more time and energy on the things that matter most, it’s vital that you start with your own stuff first.

Don’t use your spouse’s disinterest as a scapegoat either. Leave your shared belongings alone for now and implement minimalist principles in the areas of your home unique to you. In time, don’t be surprised if you find they’re more drawn to your minimized areas within the home, than their cluttered ones. Simplicity can have that effect on people.

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Rachelle Crawford blogs at Abundant Life With Less where she documents and shares their major course change as a family into minimalism. You should also follow her on Instagram.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

For the last eight years, I have been compiling and publishing curated articles that inspire simplicity in life. At first, it was an exercise in communicating to Becoming Minimalist readers the most popular articles I sent out on Twitter.

But over the years, it has become more than that. It has become a place where people (every other week) come for a dose of inspiration. And it has become a place to promote and encourage writers around the world who are publishing content about minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living.

I think you will enjoy this collection of articles hand-selected for you this weekend. Grab some coffee, tea, or lemonade and be inspired to live a simpler life today.

What I’ve Been Learning About Tidying and Minimalism | Money @ 30 by Kyle Burbank. With only a handful of projects completed so far, I already feel better as a result of our tidying and getting rid of items we no longer need. Plus, as expected, this process has also helped us to reconsider new purchases as it becomes apparent that they wouldn’t benefit us as much as we may have thought. 

How to Declutter Your Home: 10 Decluttering Tips | Masterclass. You don’t have to be a professional organizer to tidy your space and achieve a decluttered home—here are some tips.

100 Items to Declutter Right Now! | The Felicia Renee by Felicia Renee. Let’s forget spring cleaning this year and do a fall refresh!

Clutterfree | Headway. How Clutterfree became the most effective decluttering app on the market today.

7 Life-Changing Quotes About Minimalism | Becoming Minimalist on YouTube. Seven of the most life-changing sentences I’ve ever heard about owning less.

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Uncluttered. If you’re looking for help trying to minimize your possessions, our 12-week course will help you own less, live more, and discover the life you want. Registrations ends this Sunday, September 20. The course begins on Tuesday—over 3,500 people have already signed up for it.

How I Got Digital Minimalism Right The Second Time Around

This is a guest post from Leslie Watson of Less Haste And Less Waste.

Four months after reading Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, I thought I had analog living all figured out. I spent two uncomfortable weeks detoxing from my standard American smartphone addiction until my tech cravings subsided. I was keeping so busy offline that I seldom missed my phone. Soon I was averaging just 62 minutes a day on my mobile phone, compared to the United States norm, and my own history, of three to five hours daily. 

My husband and I share a computer and don’t have a television, so my cellphone is often my only screen. Reducing my smartphone use did more than just free up two to four hours a day; I was less distractible and more energetic too. My relationships improved when I stopped phubbing family and friends. Some of them even volunteered to put their phones away during our in-person visits as well. 

I felt like a digital minimalism success story before quarantine, but as my schedule emptied my screen-free convictions faltered. According to Instagram, the rest of the world was using their time windfalls to bake bread and plant vegetable gardens, but I was glued to news headlines and Netflix. 

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one hooked on digital bait when the future grew more unpredictable. TV consumption reached staggering levels during the coronavirus crisis. Video game sales were record breaking as well.

In fact, I finally recognized the severity of my own personal tech relapse when my vision went blurry from playing too many rounds of My Little Pony Bubble Blast. 

Hitting rock bottom with my unicorns and alicorns left me feeling counterproductive and lethargic. Relieving unfamiliar stressors with digital entertainment had been comforting at first but several weeks of excessive screen time sapped my motivation for any greater purpose.

Ready for healthier habits, I resolved to get back in control of my tech use once and for all. 

The most important lesson I learned during my second digital detox is that in-the-moment willpower is fickle. Mastering digital minimalism is all about setting yourself up for success in advance so you won’t need to rely solely on willpower.

I also discovered the importance of modifying screen time strategies and goals during major life changes. Knowing several techniques ahead of time allows for a more seamless transition.

Here’s a playbook of the eight practices I’ve found most effective in reducing my screen time: 

1) Build a support system

Speaking up is the first step to normalizing a screen-free lifestyle. I’m growing more comfortable talking about my need to unplug. By bringing up the issue, I’ve learned that my entire social circle is experiencing digital overwhelm too. Once we broke the stigma, we were able to help each other stay on track. The best part was setting new standards for response times; nobody feels guilty for waiting until it’s convenient to reply to texts and emails. 

2) Replace some technology with analog alternatives 

Using a smartphone to update my calendar or grocery list often led to wasting time on other apps. I avoid that temptation now by using a paper notebook for planning and list making. 

3) Turn off most notifications 

Phone calls and text messages are the only phone features I allow notifications from. I check email and other apps at my convenience instead of reacting every time a notification appears. 

4) Use Do Not Disturb mode

From 9pm to 6am every day my phone is in automated Do Not Disturb mode. I also turn on Do Not Disturb manually while I’m working or driving. In case of emergencies, I allow text message overrides from anyone on my contact list who types “urgent.” 

5) Unsubscribe and unfollow

It was easy to decide which blogs, newsletters, and social media accounts to leave behind once I started considering how much I’d be willing to pay for their updates. Any content that I wouldn’t spend money on isn’t worth my time either.

6) Dock your phone

Portability makes our devices even more addictive. I used to carry my smartphone around in my pocket even when I was at home. Now I keep devices near the garage door. When I get an urge to use my phone, I’m forced to pause and decide if I want to walk across the house to collect it. 

7) Time-block online activities

Scheduling specific time slots for all nonessential tech use makes both my online and offline time more focused. When I think of an optional online task, I write it down as a reminder for later instead of grabbing my phone right away. 

8) Set personalized conditions for addictive apps

Some digital minimalists have resolved to only watch Netflix with family or friends. Others won’t use social media until chores are finished. The biggest game changer for me was creating a smartphone folder labeled “bike.” Apps in that folder are only options if I’m riding my stationary bike. 

My quarantine experience taught me to abandon all-or-nothing thinking about technology. I now have the tools to maintain a screen-life balance even in difficult circumstances. Time for higher priorities plus a calm, focused state of mind have been my rewards for practicing digital minimalism.

I hope the eight strategies above will help you accomplish your goals as well. 

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Leslie Watson is an eco-minimalist from the West Coast, USA where she works as an elementary school teaching assistant. She shares her articles on Linktree. You can also find her on Instagram.