Joshua Becker's Blog, page 50

I Don’t Want Friends Impressed by Fancy Things

If you need nice things to impress your friends, you have the wrong friends.

There’s a pretty common phrase thrown around in personal development circles. It goes like this, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

It’s an important principle actually. I don’t disagree with it all that much.

When we spend time with people who are driven and focused, we begin to take on that lifestyle. When we spend time with people who have a passion for a particular hobby, we become interested in it too. When our closest friends all hold a specific political viewpoint or worldview, we begin to see it as important as well.

The people we spend time with affect us in significant ways. They shape our worldview, our self-esteem, our attitude, and our pursuits. And they influence how we spend our money, our time, and our energy.

For that reason, I don’t want friends impressed by fancy stuff.

Most personal development writers who cite the “average of five friends” quote, do so aspirationally. If you want to be successful in business, surround yourself with people who are successful at business. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people. If you want to be rich, surround yourself with wealthy friends.

But it seems to me there is also an important counter-principle to consider.

If there is a trait you don’t want to be true of you, don’t spend a majority of your time with people who possess that trait.

I apply the principle all the time as an intentional parent.

My daughter knows that I’m not a fan of her having friends who are particularly boy-crazy or play Fruit Cup girl. Now, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have friends who are both. It just means, when it comes to her closest friends that she spends the most time with, I prefer a different influence.

The same is true for my son, now a senior in high school. Bad company corrupts good morals, as the proverb says.

And if I employ the principle for my children, I ought to apply it to my own life as well.

I made a life-changing decision 10 years ago that I would no longer pursue physical possessions as a symbol of personal success.

This is counter cultural. Even in the world of minimalism, there are many who will use minimalism as a means to purchase nicer, more expensive things. They may not be trying to impress others by the number of things they own, but they still seek to impress with fancy things.

But personally, I want friends who are not impressed by fancy things.

I want friends who hope to make a difference in the world. I want friends who are generous, thoughtful, honest, faithful, and compassionate. I want friends who use their resources to solve problems that they see in the world and speak up for the voiceless.

These are the people I want around me the most. Because I want to learn from them, be inspired by them, and become more like them as I progress through this beautiful journey of life.

I value relationships with people who are focused, disciplined, and intentional. They are passionate and productive. But they are passionate and productive about the right things!

My hope is that everyone I meet would consider me a friend. But when it comes to my closest friends, the ones that will impact my life the most, I want those most focused on things that matter.

7 Daily Habits to Change Your Life Forever

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” —John C. Maxwell

The direction of our lives is decided more by the daily choices we make than anything else. And these choices are more influential to the person we are becoming than we often realize.

Habits become ingrained, automatic, and often slowly creep into your life so subtly that they become routine. So if you want to change your life, start by changing one thing that you do each day.

But change can be hard. So let me offer today, a list of 7 simple, daily habits that will positively change your life forever.

Most of these habits can be completed in just a few minutes each day. And each of them I have seen personally alter the trajectory of my life.

1. 3-Item To-Do List.

The 3-item to-do list has revolutionized my life. Every morning, with my cup of coffee, I write down the three most important tasks that I need to complete that day. It is a practice I cannot recommend enough.

The 3-item to-do list will keep you focused on your priorities. But more than that, it will allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day (assuming you accomplish them). It has taken away my feeling of “I never get enough done” and replaced it with “I accomplished my most important work.” And that is a beautiful feeling.

2. Exercise.

When I lived in Vermont, I had a mentor named Jeff that I looked up to quite a bit (still do actually). Jeff used to ask me and other men an unusual question when we would spend time together.

He’d ask, “So, are you staying physically active?”

I used to think Jeff was concerned with my physical health—which I’m sure he was. But as I have embraced a daily practice of exercise, I have learned the benefits are not just physical, they are mental and emotional as well.

Jeff knew physical activity was an important key to a healthy and productive life.

Don’t overthink “exercise daily.” This doesn’t need to be a 3-mile run or tennis match every day. Go for a walk, stretch, mow the lawn, workout to a YouTube video, or have sex.

3. Turn off Television.

Not only are the negative effects of TV detrimental to our lives, the opportunity cost is great. There are just better, more life-fulfilling things we could be doing with our lives than watching someone else live theirs.

When we decided to watch less television years ago, we were immediately forced to fill our evenings with something else. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard to find a more life-giving activity than television.

We spent more time together as a family. We spent more time outdoors. I began to write more. I visited the gym more frequently. I took more control over my life and my decisions.

These are all good things—healthy habits—and cutting out television provided opportunity for me to accomplish them. The same will happen for you.

4. Practice Gratitude.

Say a prayer. Keep a gratitude journal. Meditate. Or discuss the high points of your day over dinner with your family.

Whatever works best for you, express gratitude at some point every single day.

Gratitude reframes our circumstances. It drives out discontent. It directs our attention to the good things in our lives. It brings attentiveness and intentionality. And it more appropriately positions our attitude in relation to the universe and world around us.

Gratitude, as a habit, is a discipline to practice daily. Because when gratitude is the hardest to find, is when we need it the most.

5. Write something.

Every day, sit down and write something. Anything. It can be a 3-sentence post on Instagram, a 3-paragraph private journal entry, or a 3-page blog post to share with the world.

Where your writing ends up means far less than the impact it will have on your life.

The habit of writing will force you to see the world in a more observant way. You will rethink conversations, circumstances, and relationships.

I once heard an old quote by Dawson Trotman, “Thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through the lips and fingertips.” And I cannot tell you how true that it is. Writing helps us think better and interact better with the world around us.

I was recently asked on Twitter, “With the growth of YouTube and video content, do you intend to keep blogging?” My response was, “Yes. I have found that I think and live better when I write—because it forces me to become more observant. I am a better person because I began writing.”

6. Reset Your Kitchen.

Every night, before you go to bed, clean your kitchen.

In a practical sense, it will help brighten your mood in the morning. After all, there are few things less desirable early in the morning than needing to clean up yesterday’s mess.

The habit helps brighten your morning in the kitchen… and quickly spills over into other daily habits focused on keeping your home tidy. By the way, if resetting your kitchen every evening seems too difficult, you’ll find it easier if you own less stuff.

There is something magical about not dragging yesterday’s mess into today—and this practice extends far beyond clutter.

7.  Eat Together.

I realize, of course, if you live alone, this final habit may not apply. But I fear there are too many people living together who are also not applying this habit to their lives.

If you are a parent… or a spouse… or a partner… or a roommate, make every effort to eat one meal together each day. When shared with others, food becomes a bonding experience that is difficult to replicate anywhere else.

Meals around a table are one of the rare moments in our day where we sit down facing one another. As the food nourishes our physical body, community and relationship feed our soul. It is difficult to be an intentional parent or spouse without sharing meals together with those we love the most.

Again, this daily habit may not be possible for everyone. But if it is, do not neglect to make it a priority—there are many who would gladly switch places with you.

Pick a habit above and begin practicing it daily. Just one—not all seven.

Once you take control of your habits, you begin taking control of your life. Any from this list will lead to positive results.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

F ill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

The Paradox of Abundance | Perell by David Perell. Abundance is a paradox.

How to Clean Out and Organize Your Garage | AAA by Madeleine Burry. One answer to the garage’s clutter is to keep the door firmly shut and find an alternate spot to park your car. But for your car’s sake—and your own—a better option is to rid the space of unneeded items and neatly organize what’s left.

Less Is More: Why 4 Women Decided to Downsize Their Homes and Declutter Their Lives | Real Simple by Laura Fenton. “I wanted my home to be a picture of calm.”

‘I Get Better Sleep’: The People Who Quit Social Media | The Guardian by Soo Youn. Soo Youn is considering giving up the apps. She speaks to those who have already taken the plunge—with liberating results

Toy Rotation: What it is, Why do it, and How to Implement It | The Simplicity Habit by Julianna Poplin. Are you overwhelmed by the number of toys your kid has – and the mess they create? Good news: there is an easier way. 

The Problem with Turning Your House into a Toy Store | Joshua Becker on YouTube.

A False Sense of Purchasing Power

I received my first significant raise when I was 31 years old. It was roughly a 40% raise. We immediately bought a house that cost twice as much as the one we lived in prior.

With a signed contract in hand (and a borrowed $5,000 to meet the down payment requirement), the bank approved our loan for the new, much bigger, much more expensive home.

I have a friend. Let’s call her Stacy.

For most of my life, Stacy has been as hard-working an individual as I’ve ever met. She chose a career to make a difference in her community and never regretted it—often working long hours for little pay.

She and her husband are loving parents to their two children. Last year, Stacy changed her career. She took on a new role, still serving others, but now incredibly well-compensated (from what I know about the industry).

Within a few months of her new job, Stacy had bought a new red BMW and took her family on a week-long vacation to Europe.

I don’t know all of Stacy’s story. But from the outside looking in, her story is similar to mine—and not unlike many others.

Our current financial system allows us to acquire credit based on income, rather than wealth. It grants purchasing power not based on what we’ve accumulated, but on what is expected to materialize.

That’s why I could get approved for a loan twice as much as my previous mortgage with only a letter and confirmation that the monthly income would be received. And that’s why my friend Stacy was able to begin living a luxurious lifestyle with hardly any actual money in the bank.

This is not a commentary on whether that should be true or not; I can see the argument both ways. This is, instead, just a commentary on the fact of the matter and a call for each of us to remember that “purchasing power” is not the same as “getting ahead financially.” We should not fall for the false sense of security it can bring.

Again, I’m not opposed to credit based on income as an opportunity for society. Because of credit based on income and history (rather than entirely on net worth), my wife and I were able to buy our first home and begin building equity with just 10% of the total cost.

Additionally, it allowed me to attend college on a modest student loan. Or it may allow others to start a new business or purchase the supplies necessary for a new occupation.

Economists will also argue that increasing the purchasing power of individuals to income rather than net worth allows the economy to grow and wealth to be built. As a general rule, I see the merit.

However, on a personal level, it is helpful to recognize that the temptation to take out credit based on income (rather than wealth) can be detrimental to our long-term financial health. It allows us to spend money like the wealthy, even though we are not.

My wife and I never were able to get ahead financially in that house because we needed to pay off such an expensive mortgage each month. We started with $0 in the bank when we moved in, and left with $0 when we moved out. Looking back, I wish we hadn’t doubled our mortgage on a 40% raise. I wish we had bought something smaller and found more breathing room in our finances first.

If you are just getting started on building a financial foundation, or are struggling to get ahead even after many years, maybe one reason is that you are spending based on income rather than net worth.

Remind yourself that net worth is not the same as income. Net worth is only what is left at the end of the month. Inflating your expenses or credit line, just because society allows and your bank or credit card say you can, is rarely the best step forward.

“Can I Afford It?” is a Terrible Filter

When deciding to make a financial purchase or not, the most common filter we use is, “Can I afford it?”

Is there enough money in the bank (or room on the credit card) to cover this purchase? If so, we can buy it.

From the home we live in, the car we drive, the vacations we take, the technology we upgrade, the clothes we wear, and everything in-between, most of us simply ask, “Can I afford it?”

I’ve seen this thinking in my own life. No doubt, you have experienced the thinking in yours as well.

Often times it is coupled with a “I deserve it,” mentality. As in, “I work hard for my money. I am going to spend my money on this. I deserve it, and I can afford it.”

But here’s the problem: “Can I afford it?” is actually a terrible filter for making financial decisions!

Or, let me rephrase that, “Can I afford it?” is a terrible filter if it is the only filter we use in making decisions about what to buy and how to spend our money. It’s not wrong in and of itself, it’s just incomplete.

Unfortunately, for many people, it is the only filter. If the money is in the bank, I can buy anything I desire. Why not? I can afford it.

But consider some of the reasons why it’s a terrible filter:

Financial Circumstances Change All the Time.

We’ve learned a lot about the world over the last 12 months. One lesson I hope we’ve all noticed is that financial circumstances can change in a heartbeat—almost without warning.

If my decision to buy a house at the very top of my price range or take out a new auto loan was based solely on “Can I afford it?,” you may be surprised how quickly that can change.

It is Entirely Subjective.

Read financial experts online and you’ll immediately find different advice about how much you can afford:

“Spend 28% of your income on housing.”

“The 28% rule is outdated.”

“Never buy a home without 10% down payment.”

“Buy a home as quick as you can—even if you don’t have a down payment.”

“When you are buying a new car, make sure that you put down at least 20% of the total cost and finance the new vehicle for no more than 4 years.”

“When you are buying a new car, always pay cash and never take a loan.”

Each of those contradictory pieces of advice can be found online.

And that doesn’t even begin to account for the advice given on saving, retiring, debt repayment, college savings, giving… or what order of priority those should be placed in your life.

Can I afford it? is a terrible filter because the answer is always subjective. Heck, we might even change our own mind from day-to-day on what we can afford.

It Doesn’t Count the Full Cost of Our Purchase.

The amount listed on a price tag is never the full cost of a purchase. Everything we purchase needs to be brought home and eventually cleaned, organized, cared for, and maintained. Everything we buy takes up physical space in our home and mental space in our mind.

Many of our purchases result in extra expenditures, whether directly or indirectly. Do I have enough money, right now, to afford this item? rarely factors in the ongoing cost of keeping or maintaining our purchase.

It Doesn’t Factor Opportunity Cost.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Every purchase carries additional opportunity cost. Spending $100 on x today means I do not have $100 to spend on y tomorrow.

This is why “Can I afford it?” is such a faulty, short-sighted filter.

I may have the money to buy a bigger house, a nicer vacation, or a newer car, but once the purchase is completed that money is no longer available for other things. And it may not take long to realize there were countless other things I could have spent my money on that would have resulted in much longer-lasting happiness, joy, and fulfillment.

Better Filters

So, what questions can I ask in addition to “Can I afford it?”
Let me offer five:

1. Does this purchase support my goals?

What are the dreams you have for your life? What accomplishments are you hoping to achieve? What goals are most important to you? Does this purchase move you closer to those goals? Or further away?

2. What are my motivations for this purchase?

Am I spending my money on this purchase for the right reasons? What are they exactly? Am I buying this just because everyone else is buying it, because I’m trying to impress someone, or are my motivations truly healthy?

3. What do my trusted friends think about this?

There is no need to make financial decisions in a vacuum—especially major ones. Ask a family member or friend or mentor for their opinion. Make sure it is someone you trust and would generally consider wise in these types of matters. If you are religious, “praying about it” would fit in this filter.

4. Is there something else I would like to spend my money on?

When counting the opportunity cost of a purchase, don’t compare only apples to apples. The filter doesn’t need to be exclusively, “Should I buy this car or this vacation?”

We should also factor in opportunities such as getting out of debt, getting ahead financially, or giving to a cause we believe in. Spending money on a purchase “just because I can afford it” often makes these greater pursuits harder to achieve.

5. What would my life look like if I said no?

We often find ourselves debating a purchase because we’ve considered what benefit the purchase will bring into our lives. But rarely do we take the time to honestly evaluate what benefits might arise if we said no.

But with every purchase, we sacrifice a small amount of freedom. This one, simple filter helps us recognize exactly what that is.

Before I conclude, let me be clear on two important points:

First, it is smart to ask ourselves, “Can I afford it?” I mean, if you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t buy it—case closed. I just think this filter carries too much significance for most of us. And by itself, it is terrible.

Second, this post isn’t contending that we never make any purchase. That would be foolish. To live is to consume and many of the purchases we make do bring value to our lives.

This list of better filters isn’t meant to deter anyone from ever spending money again. It’s simply designed to help all of us make better choices.

Because in and of itself, “Can I afford it?”, is a terrible filter for financial decisions.

Don’t Judge by External Appearances

I once read a quote that said, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” And I can’t emphasize it enough.

We are a society quick to judge the success of others based on external appearances. But I can’t think of a more foolish metric to utilize.

Some psychologists argue this is natural for humans. “Our unconscious mind starts from whatever objective data is available to us—usually spotty—and helps to shape and construct the more complete picture we consciously perceive.”

I suppose this makes sense to me. But here’s the problem:

We’re terrible at it! Like really, really bad.

In fact, in one study, scientists asked students at a Chinese university to look at selfies and evaluate the personalities of the people pictured in five key personality characteristics. The students were wrong 80% of the time!

80% of the time they were unable to determine the personality or character of a person based solely on appearance.

And yet, we continue to do it—over and over again. Often tricking ourselves into thinking we do it well.

But the proverb stands true, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.”

When we hear it, we know it is true. Judging a person based on external appearances is a foolish metric and we all know it.

For one reason, external appearances are easy to manipulate.

Symbols of success can be easily acquired by those who are not successful. Meanwhile, many successful people choose not to display their success with external symbols.

Do you know how easy it is to purchase a flashy car on credit? Or how quickly you can get ahead financially by simply buying a reasonable one? Night and day.

But this isn’t a post about financial success. This is about choosing to not judge others by external appearance.

I have a good friend who lives on the other side of the country. Years ago, when a special needs newborn was abandoned at their local hospital, she and her husband offered to raise the child as their own.

Their new daughter would require almost 24 hour attention for the rest of her life, and yet, they chose to adopt her and bring her into their family.

Decades later now, my friend is not going to turn any heads when she walks into a room.

She doesn’t pull into a parking lot driving an expensive vehicle. She doesn’t wear the latest styles or expensive jewelry. The emotional and physical toll of raising her daughter 24 hours/day for the last 20 years shows on her face and physical appearance as you might imagine it would.

From all outward appearances, there is nothing that would impress you about her.

But on the inside, she may be the strongest, sweetest, kindest, most compassionate human being I’ve ever met. She is wiser than most anyone else in the room. And her heart is beautiful.

That’s the thing about judging by external appearances.

Most people trying to impress you with them aren’t worth emulating.

And those living the most meaningful lives have long since given up trying to impress you with a fancy coat.

Minimalism in America is Hard. Here’s How to Do It.

Note: This is a guest post from Colleen Mariotti of Livology.

“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required.” —M.M. Ildan

We are what you might call extremist when it comes to minimalism. In 2013, my husband and I sold all our belongings, packed one carry-on bag each, and set out to wander the world with our three young children.

As we traveled, we learned so much from other countries about simplifying our material possessions to find a richness never before unearthed.

In Italy, we prepared and feasted on seasonal meals, consisting of only a few fresh ingredients.

While teaching English at an ashram orphanage in Indonesia, we participated in a meditative chant and yogic practice at sunrise and sunset each day, our toes digging into the dirt floor calling us to be present and give thanks.

While housesitting at an organic farm in New Zealand, we were profoundly reconnected to nature, collapsing in our beds after long, hot days of honest work under the blazing sun of the Southern Hemisphere.

Year after year, as we moved through the world freely, with little more than the clothes on our backs, we thought we had this minimalism thing figured out.

Then, we came home…

After nearly six years as a nomadic family of five living in more than 30 countries, we returned to the USA with three teenagers and only the belongings we had in our bags.

Without forks, plates, or blankets, we dove head-first into setting up this American life determined not to fall back into old consumer patterns. It was hard. It is hard.

The United States of America is a country brimming with convenience, opportunity, and stuff! Wading through it, after being gone for so long renewed our commitment to living a minimalist life. However, without the comfort of our carry-on limitations to keep things simple, the challenge was often overwhelming.

With a house, rooms to fill, and a growing family, we learned a few things about minimalism in America that we hope may resonate with others.

Why Minimalism in America is HardEndless options. 

It is true the USA offers greater convenience than any other country we have lived, but convenience is often overrated.

It is said that the average adult makes 35,000 remotely conscious decisions daily. A Cornell University study estimated we make 221 decisions each day regarding food alone!

Before our travels, we walked through superstores, without lists, getting some of what we needed and much of what we did not. The first time we entered a supermarket after our return in 2018, we had to leave as most of us started hyperventilating. My son asked why the cereal boxes were so big and my daughter came back from a hunt for socks, saying there were at least 100 from which to choose.

Options can be paralyzing but even when they are not, adding options means we have to make even more decisions. It’s hard.

The promise of an escape. 

Shopping in the US offers an escape from the heightened levels of stress Americans experience in their lives compared to many of our global neighbors.

In a Gallup Annual Survey of Global Emotions, American stress levels were significantly higher than the world average of 35%. Shopping can give us a false sense of control and many people have a dopamine response to shopping during the anticipation of purchasing the shiny new toy.

The high is typically gone by the time we check out, which is why it becomes a bit of an addiction. Online shopping during this “stay at home” era has shown similar consumer patterns. It is not an escape with any lasting benefits. It’s hard.

State of the art marketing.

Carl Sagan wrote, “One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken.”

This was perhaps the biggest shock returning to the USA. Targeted savvy marketing is everywhere. It is in our social media feeds, on our phone notifications, and on our car GPS screens. It is very challenging to prevent the advertisers’ messaging from reaching us wherever we are in our day. It is easy to become bamboozled.

In many of the countries we lived in, phone connectivity and WIFI were sporadic at best. Often, we were the only people using a handheld device and many of the homes we lived in, from villas in Tuscany to straw-roofed huts in South East Asia, were not wired for much of anything. Connectivity in the USA is one of the greatest hurdles when it comes to minimalism. It’s hard.

Four Strategies to Practice Becoming Minimalist in America1. Opt outside. 

We learned the Norwegian concept of friluftslv while living in Scandinavia. It loosely means get outside, even if it is cold and dark. No excuses.

What we loved about the Scandinavian commitment to spending time outdoors is that it doesn’t apply just to physical activity. We often saw neighbors bundled up in blanketed layers having tea outdoors together. Any time in the natural world will suffice in a wide range of contexts and climates.

When we get outside we are less likely to be on our devices and it is even better if we can get far enough into nature to disconnect completely. It’s possible.

2. Log on with purpose. 

Use the very technology that fills your feed with advertisements to find new ways to acquire what you are looking to buy.

Neighborhood sites and social media groups are incredibly powerful when we ask for things we need and/or give things away to neighbors. Repurposing is cool. It connects us with items that have a story to tell from the people with whom we give and receive them, strengthening our ties in our community.

As we all know, there is no such thing as throwing something away. Everything we toss goes somewhere so it is our calling to consume responsibly. It’s possible.

3. Focus. 

Always write a list and stick to it.

What is your purpose for shopping on any given day? Identify your purpose before you go. If you can’t, you may want to use your time for something else.

Impulse shopping is dangerous. Those $10 jeans are not as inexpensive as they appear. We have traveled to many of the developing countries where much of the “fast-fashion” in the USA is produced and the price is much higher than the ticketed item. The environmental destruction, violation of labor laws, and lack of international standards for safe manufacturing practices mean as consumers, we need to vote with our wallets.

American consumer supply and demand drives the destruction in these developing countries, often behind closed doors. We need to do our homework, make our lists, and stay on track. It’s possible.

4. Flow.

When people ask us about giving things away versus holding on to them, our answer is always the same. It is about the flow.

It is not about the stuff, but about creating a home by surrounding ourselves with select things we love. Our definition of home is not static, even if we stay in one place, so our stuff needs to keep moving too or there is a sense of misalignment.

Keep it flowing, even if it is only a small portion of what you own, and you will see the momentum start to pick up, no matter where you are on your minimalism journey. It’s possible.

The quote at the beginning of this blog is plastered onto the inside of our doors at home. We read it every time we prepare to walk out into the world. Since the pandemic, it is also posted on internal doors where computers loom and consumption is possible. 

When action is not necessary, and we don’t need to run errands but we go anyway, we are giving up precious moments we will never again have in our experience; time that could have been spent in ways that restore us through connection to ourselves and others.

Conversely, when we act when action is necessary, it is inspired action, and our lives, and the lives of those around us, will be richer for it. Yes, becoming, sustaining, and maintaining minimalism in America is hard, but we, as a people, are no strangers to hard work.

Even more profound is our cultural thirst for possibility. The minimalist journey is intimately personal but some threads connect us all and the possibility inherent in living a minimalist existence is one of them.

For us, becoming minimalist is about freeing ourselves every day, through action or inaction, to become the best versions of ourselves, capable of living in the direction of our wildest dreams with excited anticipation.

Whether that is to live as nomads and wander the globe, or to grow where we are planted, to act or not to act, that is the question…

***

Colleen Mariotti is the founder of of Livology. A nomad, writer, and minimalist at heart, you can find her guided journal Ebook, Livology: A Global Guide to a Deliberate Life here.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

Why Everyone Should Adopt These 3 Minimalist Principles | Abundant Life with Less by Rachelle Crawford. Here are three minimalist principles everyone should implement in order to live each day with greater intention.

21 Tiny Changes You Can Make in Your Home to Make Life Simpler in 2021 | Marc and Angel Hack Life by Angel Chernoff. Have incredible stories to tell by the end of 2021, not incredible clutter stuffed in your closets.

I Got Rid of 95% of My Stuff, Almost Everything I’ve Ever Owned | The Irish Times by Jason O’Callaghan. My final aim is to embrace life with my family around me, to hold on to some of the things that I value the most, but otherwise to own nothing more than the bare essentials, money in the bank, and a passport.

How to Skimm Your Life Challenge | The Skimm. A new task every weekday this month that you can tackle to feel mentally lighter. No matter what this year throws your way.

9 Ways to Challenge Consumerism | Joshua Becker on YouTube

Golden Handcuffs are Sometimes Silver

‘Golden handcuffs,’ defined, refers to special benefits offered to an employee as an inducement to continue service.

The meaning can be both positive and negative.

In a positive spin, companies invest significant resources in the hiring and training of employees. ‘Golden handcuffs’ (such as benefits) are intended to help employers hold onto employees that they’ve invested in and ensure that their best employees do not leave.

In a negative sense, the phrase is often associated with individuals staying at a job they are not happy in, but not willing to leave because the financial loss would be significant.

(The negative connotation is the most common use of the phrase in the English language).

Here’s the thing about golden handcuffs, and why the negative connotation is the most common use, most people wearing them don’t realize they’re wearing them. That’s why it works.

I have a friend in the Pacific Northwest who coaches unhappy, but otherwise successful businessmen and businesswomen. When she explained her work to me, she put it this way, “The thing is that most of these men and women can’t even imagine another way. They’ve become so accustomed to their salary and benefit package, they can’t see there is another way to live. They are not happy, but feel trapped in their own lifestyle. But there is always a way out.”

I have begun to move beyond the employer-employee relationship when using the phrase: golden handcuffs.

I see golden handcuffs as the proper term for anybody who has begun to embrace a higher standard of living that they see no escape from.

Lifestyle inflation has become the norm and stepping back from it is difficult—regardless of where you started or where you end. When comforts and luxuries become needs, lowering the floor of a lifestyle becomes increasingly difficult. We become bound to the lifestyle we begin living—even if we’re unhappy in it.

This lifestyle inflation may occur because of income or credit, but once a level of lifestyle has become realized, it is virtually impossible to willingly step away from it:

It’s hard to imagine a 1,400 square ft home is sufficient, once you live in 2,000.It’s hard to imagine a vacation down the road can be just as enjoyable as a holiday in Europe.It’s hard to imagine a 2005 Honda Accord can get you the same place as a 2020 Lexus.And it’s hard to image a $20 purse can function as well as a $200 designer bag.

As our lifestyle inflates, so does our expectation. Walking away from it, in any and every sense, becomes unthinkable. Golden handcuffs.

Of course, it is also important to point out that the term “golden” misrepresents the deceptive nature of riches and lifestyle.

Whenever we throw around phrases like “rich,” “successful,” or “golden,” we immediately excuse ourselves from the label.

“I’m not rich.” “I’m not wealthy.” “I’m not part of the 1%.” Those phrases always define the other guy—the one with more money than me.

When we do, we immediately excuse ourselves from the conversation. And the deceptive nature of the golden handcuff lifestyle goes unrecognized.

My life isn’t golden… it’s just middle of the road.My house isn’t too big… it’s just the size we need.My car isn’t too expensive… it’s what I deserve.I don’t buy things I don’t need… I need everything I own.I can’t be wearing golden handcuffs… I’m barely paying my bills.

When we fall into the trap of thinking lifestyle inflation has only affected “the other guy,” we fall into the exact trap the phrase golden handcuffs was meant to define. We’ve become so accustomed to our current lifestyle or standard of living, that we can see no other way to live.

And suddenly, we are trapped.

Golden handcuffs don’t have to be golden, sometimes they are silver.

And more of us are wearing them than we realize.

But there is always a way out.

Ambitious Minimalism: How Owning Less Frees Us to Achieve More

Note: This is a guest post from Jay Harrington of Life and Whim.

My pursuit of a more minimalist lifestyle was, for many years, a case study in cognitive dissonance.

On the one hand, a burning ambition to create, build and succeed, in the traditional sense of the word.

On the other, an intense desire for a simpler, less complicated life—a minimalist life.

It always felt like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, advocating for two distinct approaches that were in irreconcilable conflict.

A big part of my struggle stemmed from (what turned out to be) an unfounded fear—a belief that minimalism is a bastion of the unambitious. I had big things I wanted to achieve, so I resisted adopting the identity of someone who would settle for less.

Here’s how I saw it: Either push the pedal or hit the brakes.

I finally became so sick and tired of my mental machinations and scarcity thinking that I committed to finding the antidote to fear, which is knowledge. By studying minimalist philosophies, I came to understand that my seemingly contradictory impulses could coexist. I clearly remember stumbling upon Joshua Becker’s insight that, “At its core, being a minimalist means intentionally promoting the things we most value and removing everything that distracts us from it.”

A revelation and reconciliation: It became clear that a minimalist mindset doesn’t stand in the way of ambition. It’s what enables the pursuit of big dreams. I realized that owning less could free me to achieve more. (tweet that)

Step Back, Move Forward

I began to see the world through a new lens and tossed aside old assumptions and conventional wisdom. I had a lot to unwind. I took a deep breath and got to work.

I left the law firm I founded. I ditched the office space for the marketing agency my wife and I own, untethered our employees, and started operating our business “virtually” from coffee shops and our kitchen table.

We sold our house. We moved from an expensive suburb to a small town in northern Michigan with our three young girls. We took steps back in order to create space and time so that we could make a clear-eyed decision about the path we would follow once we were ready to move forward again. We created white space for the first time in a long time.

Like Thoreau, we “went to the woods” to live more deliberately.

Fast forward five years later, and I am busier than ever between the responsibilities of work and family. And also happier than ever.

The big difference is that I’m busy on my own terms, in a place of my choosing. My ambition is undiminished—but it’s not consuming me. I’m focused on what matters to me, not all the trappings of “success” that merely get in the way of a meaningful life.

Lessons Learned

The most significant lesson I learned from my experience is that the real power of minimalism is practical and pragmatic: A minimalist mindset, which is one that provides clarity of purpose, helps create the space and time necessary to pursue meaningful work, relationships and experiences.

Minimalism has been a mental model that has helped me become more effective at prioritizing time, focusing attention, and drilling down on life’s essentials.

At its core, minimalism is a powerful means to an important end. Without an end in mind, practicing minimalism can feel like a rote exercise devoid of any larger purpose.

But if you’re using the principles of minimalism to move toward something you love, then all of the stripping away, like a sculptor chipping away at a hunk of marble, becomes a joyful exercise that reveals something beautiful inside.

In this season of my life, one of my primary “ends” is building a thriving business. And the stripping away of excesses across all areas of my life is helping me to pursue it.

Before, my work was done with the aim of supporting a lifestyle meant to send signals of success to other people. Today, free of so many burdensome obligations, I’m able to do work that aligns with my desire to do work that serves a larger purpose.

No less ambition. Far more satisfaction.

I can confidently declare that a less-is-more approach not only doesn’t stand in the way of achievement (no matter how you define it), it’s what fuels it.

Here are a few key takeaways from my experience.

1. Don’t think of minimalism as merely a tool for subtraction.

When you remove things that don’t matter from your life, it creates a vacuum. Use your newfound time and energy as the fuel to add more meaning to your life. You may decide to write a book, start a business, volunteer, or rekindle relationships.

If you decide to pursue a new passion project, you may find yourself busier, but also happier and more fulfilled, than you’ve ever been. Minimalism can be a means to a quieter, more leisurely life—but it doesn’t have to be.

2. Money is not the only currency.

It was during our quest to simplify that we came to learn that money is not the only currency, nor even the most valuable one. For us, time and mobility became higher priorities.

We make less money than we used to, but have learned that we need far less to sustain us. That realization has been incredibly liberating, and has emboldened us to try things we never would have imagined a few short years ago.

3. The decision to minimize or not minimize is not a binary one.

To realize the benefits of minimalism, you don’t need to live in a tiny house, wear the same outfit every day, and possess few belongings. Creating the tiniest crack of white space in your life by ridding yourself of something superfluous is still a win.

No one who visits our house would tag us as minimalists. But that’s the beauty of minimalism—you don’t need permission from anyone else to create a more meaningful life for yourself. And how you go about building that life is entirely up to you. I would humbly suggest, however, that a pragmatic approach to minimalist living can be a powerful force in fostering the change you seek.

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Jay Harrington is a “reformed lawyer” turned author and entrepreneur, and blogs at Life and Whim where he helps people find purpose and live big through small moments. You can also find him on Facebook.