Joshua Becker's Blog, page 48

10 Benefits of Minimalism

Note: This is a guest post by Allison Fallon, author of Packing Light.

Anyone who has embraced minimalism, in any sense of the word, knows the benefits go far beyond what you could explain in a single blog post.

Of course there are the obvious upsides of having less clutter—like fewer opportunities for your possessions to jump out of the hall closet at you next time you open the door to find your coat. But the real benefits of minimalism stretch much deeper—and wider—than that.

The Benefits of Minimalism

Here are 10 major benefits a minimalist attitude could bring to your life.

1. Clarity of mind.

We don’t think of our physical possessions being linked to mental and emotional health, but the connection between the two is undeniable.

Studies show when we clear out our closets, it has a massive impact on our mental clarity and peace of mind. Think about it. It makes sense.

When was the last time you took the time to go through your storage shed or extra bedroom and sort through all of the things you forgot were hiding in there? It may have been awhile, but how did you feel when you finally did it?

My guess is it felt like a relief. Even though you probably spent very little energy on a day-to-day basis thinking about those things, something about clearing them out calmed your mind.

That good feeling you get when you take a load of clothes to Goodwill or finally go through that junk drawer in your kitchen is backed by research. If you don’t need it, love it or use it, get rid of it.

2. Better health.

You might feel hesitant to consider that getting rid of a few physical possessions might change your health but consider this: what about clearing the things from your schedule that are unnecessary or unimportant?

Too many of us are overcommitted in our lives and if we really begin to ask ourselves why we haven’t scaled back already, we’ll find the answer is we’re afraid of disappointing someone—a terrible reason to overload our schedules.

What would it look like to cut back? Would you be able to rest more? Take better care of yourself and your family?

Minimalism takes many forms and whether you’re clearing things from your closet, your calendar, or your commitments, your body will thank you.

3. More freedom.

If you really spent some time thinking about it, I bet you would be shocked to think of how many physical possessions you own, desire to own, or work hard to own that you don’t even want—all to impress someone at your office, or even in your family.

Dave Ramsey, financial advisor and New York Times bestselling author says, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

Imagine the freedom you would experience if you could let go of that pressure and just do what you want to do. You’d have more freedom to travel, to take a day off, to work for yourself, or, hey, to take a job doing work you actually like.

4. Less stress.

Imagine a world where you didn’t have to come home to a cluttered house, didn’t have to wake up early on a Saturday morning for something you didn’t really want to do in the first place, and didn’t have to show up at the office every day for a job that made you feel like your soul was dying.

Ahhhh. Yes. You can feel it already. So much less stress.

5. More time.

In a world where opportunities are coming at us faster than the speed of light, it can be hard to say “no” for a couple of reasons.

One of them is the fear of missing out. We’re afraid if we say no, we’ll miss an opportunity to be part of something really great. The second is a fear of being bored. What will we do? Just sit around and watch Netflix all night?

Try this for one week: clear your calendar at night. Work during the day but don’t make any commitments in the evenings. Then, with that extra time, prepare dinners with the people you love, go for walks, read books.

Amazing opportunities will always be there. They’ll never run out. And I promise you’ll find a way to fill your extra time.

6. Self-confidence.

You may think you need to have the latest and greatest style of clothes, or that brand new boat or this year’s model of a luxury vehicle to feel good about yourself. But imagine how freeing it would be to feel good about yourself without those things. This is an unexpected benefit of living with less. You start to feel good about yourself, not because of what you own but just because of who you are.

7. Greater purpose.

When you clear out the unnecessary activities and items from your life, something unexpected happens. A clear sense of purpose returns. You feel motivated to do what you’ve set out to do because your direction is clear and there is no confusion. When you only have a few commitments, you can take them seriously.

8. Extra money.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that buying less and doing less would mean having a little extra cash on hand. Fewer birthday parties to attend, meals out because you’re “too tired to cook,” fewer impulse purchases, etc. Then, when you find something you really do want, you have the money to buy it.

9. Better relationships.

Ultimately, when you can stop competing with your friends and your family to have the nicest car or biggest house; when you can stop trying to impress people and just begin to connect with them; when you can give up your people-pleasing and just be yourself, it shouldn’t surprise you that your relationships will improve.

Great relationships are not built on guilt or competition. They’re built on shared experiences and great memories.

10. Lifetime memories.

I have a friend who doesn’t do a ton of Christmas gifts for his kids but he always takes them on a fun family vacation. His kids don’t go back to school after break bragging about their Christmas spoils, but when he asks them about last Christmas’ vacation, they can always recount fun memories.

When you begin to move the focus from possessions to memories, you might not only have more space in your closet, you’ll have enough great memories to keep you smiling for a lifetime. This is the stuff a great life is made of.

***

Allison Fallon blogs at Find Your Voice where she helps people use writing as a tool for their own personal growth. She is also the author of a wonderful book, Packing Light.

What Growing Up “Poor” Taught Me About Minimalism

Note: This is a guest post from Cheryl Smith of Biblical Minimalism.

I was raised in a household with an income that fell below the poverty line. Dad’s upbringing was in a home with an even lower income. He only achieved an 8th-grade education, and because of that, he had to be one of the hardest workers I have ever known. Mom was a dedicated stay-at-home wife and mother.

We had only one vehicle, so Mom and I usually drove Dad to and from work. One of the images engraved most indelibly in my mind is Dad walking toward our car, his clothes soaked with sweat from an honest-to-goodness hard day’s work. On payday, his wages seemed so meager and unequal to the amount of himself he poured into earning them.

Seeing Mom and Dad constantly worry about making ends meet no matter how hard Dad tried to provide for us lit a fire of dogged determination inside of me. I made up my mind that when I grew up, I would do anything I had to do to rise above such intense struggle to survive, even if that meant living above my means and financing everything I owned. That strong-willed sense of resolve to avoid “poverty” was alive and well when I met the man of my dreams, fell in love, and got married at the age of 21.

For the first several years of our marriage, my husband and I successfully accumulated the stuff that makes up the American dream. We both worked hard to meet the demands and expectations of what that “dream” should look like—home ownership, two jobs, two cars, lots of physical possessions, and a lavish amount of available credit to make it all come true. All along, it seemed so important to me to have the things I thought my parents “lacked.”

Then, while we weren’t looking, those long days turned into short years, and life had progressed to middle age. Dad, who had always been strong and stout and the hardest worker I ever knew, passed away long before his time. I watched as the ensuing sadness of widowhood consumed Mom’s heart and life. And then, after nearly twelve years of profound loneliness and health issues, she, too, passed away.

Standing beside both of my parents’ bedsides as their beyond-valuable, earthly lives came to an end, knowing they would no longer be part of my everyday life and feeling that sense of finality forced me to face my own mortality and was the most sobering thing I have ever experienced.

Suddenly, the fact that my parents lived their entire lives being “poor” didn’t seem so important. It didn’t seem so sad that they owned very little because they were not able to take one single thing with them from earth to Heaven anyway. They left this world just like they entered it. They brought nothing into it, and they carried nothing out. As their final breaths were breathed and their last feeble good-byes were spoken, the fact that they were poor was the farthest thing from our minds and meant nothing.

What did matter and what firmly remained was the strong foundation of faith they had so thoughtfully laid and upon which they had taught me to build, the value of hard work they had instilled in me, and the deep bond of love that even death will never be able to sever.

After Mom died, it took us only one day to go through her tiny apartment and pack up her, and what was left of Dad’s, belongings. There was no cause for beneficiary rivalry or squabbling over their possessions because living a life of necessitated minimalism removed that prospect. At that point, the fact that Mom and Dad were poor brought a great sense of relief.

Not long after Mom passed away, my little family and I felt an impassioned call toward a simple, minimal life. We sold what we had to pay what we owed, and with reckless abandon, gratefully released the “American dream” and all it demanded of us. We are now three years into this amazing adventure, 100% debt-free and have never been happier or more at peace.

The nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from being raised in a low-income family are countless, and I wouldn’t trade those life lessons for anything.

Here are ten of them.

1. People are worth immeasurably more than things.

2. Teaching your children how to live is much more important than anything money can buy.

3. It’s amazing how little it takes to survive if you learn to “make do” and improvise.

4. You don’t have to own something to love and enjoy it.

5. Experiences with the ones you love create the most precious memories, and most of the time cost nothing. Memories are lightweight, take up zero space, cannot be stolen, do not have to be maintained, and never cause worry. To invest in them is infinitely wiser than accumulating stuff.

6. It is smart to rent a home if “ownership” requires going into debt and living above your means.

7. Holding a clear title to one car is wiser than incurring debt to have two.

8. Grieving loved ones should not be laden with the added burden of dealing with excess, left-behind possessions.

9. Working hard never hurt anyone. In fact, there are few things more gratifying than the completion of a hard day’s work.

10. When you die, you take nothing from earth with you, and the main thing you should leave behind is the legacy of a life well-loved.

The other day, it occurred to me that we are, by choice, living a life that looks very similar to the life my parents lived, by necessity. It seems that I have come full circle in my way of thinking, and those childhood lessons were not lost after all. I finally fully appreciate their wisdom for what it’s truly worth.

***

Cheryl Smith blogs at Biblical Minimalism. Her family sold their home, released 90% of their physical possessions, got out of debt, and now share their story and their Christian faith on their blog. Her book, Biblical Minimalism, is now available. In it, she approaches minimalism from a Biblical perspective. 

9 Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Out of Control

Editor’s Note. This is a guest post from Angel Chernoff of Marc & Angel Hack Life.

As human beings, we all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes our relationships up the most. We all get frustrated when things don’t play out the way we expect them to, and people don’t behave like they’re “supposed” to. We expect our spouses and children to act a certain way, our friends to be kind and agreeable, strangers to be less difficult, and so on and so forth.

And when reality hits us, and everyone seems to be doing the opposite of what we want them to do, we overreact—anger, frustration, stress, arguments, tears, etc.

So what can we do about this?

Breathe . . .

You can’t control how other people behave. You can’t control everything that happens to you. What you can control is how you respond to it all. In your response is your power.

When you feel like your lid is about to blow, take a long, deep breath. Deep breathing releases tension, calms down our fight-or-flight reactions, and allows us to quiet our anxious nerves so that we choose more considerate and constructive responses, no matter the situation.

So, for example, do your best to inhale and exhale the next time another driver cuts you off in traffic. In a recent poll we hosted with 1,200 people, overreacting while fighting traffic was the most commonly cited reason for overreacting on a daily basis. Just imagine if all the drivers on the road took deep breaths before making nasty hand gestures or screaming obscenities at others.

There’s no doubt that it can drive us crazy when we don’t get what we expect from people, especially when they are being rude and difficult. But trying to change the unchangeable, wanting others to be exactly the way we want them to be, just doesn’t work. The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to breathe, to let go, to lead by example, and to accept people even when they irritate us.

Here’s the way of being that we cultivate and advocate:

Breathe deeply and often.Remind ourselves that we can’t control other people.Remind ourselves that other people can handle their lives however they choose.Don’t take their behavior personally.See the good in them.Let go of the ideals and expectations we have about others that cause unnecessary frustration, arguments, and bouts of anger.Remember that when others are being difficult, they are often going through a difficult time we know nothing about. And give them empathy, love, and space.

Being this way takes practice, but it’s worth it. It makes us less frustrated, it helps us to be more mindful, it improves our relationships, it lowers our stress, and it allows us to make the world a slightly more peaceful place to be. We hope you will join us.

Smart Ways to Remain Calm

If you’re ready to feel more peace and less inner angst, here are some ways we’ve learned to remain calm and centered, even when those around us can’t seem to contain themselves. These principles reinforce the bullet points above, and when you consistently practice these principles, the world within you and around you becomes a lot easier to cope with.

Let’s practice, together . . .

1. Get comfortable with pausing.

Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama. When someone is acting irrationally, don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call. Instead, pause. Take a deep breath . . .

Sometimes good people behave poorly under stress. Don’t you? When you pause, it gives you space to collect your thoughts and it also allows the other person the space to take a deep breath with you. In most cases, that extra time and space is all we need.

2. Respect people’s differences.

Learn to respect the opinions of others. Just because someone does it differently doesn’t make it wrong. There are many roads to what’s right in this world. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

So choose your battles wisely. And just agree to disagree sometimes.

It is absolutely possible to connect with, and even appreciate the company of, someone you don’t completely agree with. When you make a commitment to remain neutral on topics that don’t matter that much, or speak respectfully about your disagreements, both parties can remain calm and move forward, pleasantly.

3. Be compassionate.

In the busyness of today’s world, people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting, and distracted about everything. The word “compassion” means “to suffer with.” When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup, without putting any extra pressure on them.

Remember, we never know what’s really going on in someone’s life. When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments, and demands at the door.

4. Extend generosity and grace.

Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes. Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different. When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence. For example:

That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes.He is so darn impatient, just like me sometimes.She is being rude, just like me sometimes.

Choose to let things go. Let others off the hook. Take the high road today.

5. Don’t take people’s behavior personally.

If you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. And there’s no reason for it. You may not be able to control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Make that decision for yourself today.

Let it go! Seriously, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem; how you react is yours.

Everyone behaves the way they behave based on how they feel inside. Some people never learn how to effectively cope with their stressful emotions. When someone is acting obnoxious, it’s vital that you remain calm, no matter what. Don’t allow other people to knock you off your center.

Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out. That’s where your greatest power lies.

6. Talk less and learn to appreciate silence.

Don’t fall into an unnecessary argument just because you feel uncomfortable in silence. Don’t say things you’ll regret five minutes later just to fill your eardrums with noise. Anger and frustration begin internally. You have the capacity to choose your response to momentary discomfort. Inhale. Exhale. A moment of silence in a moment of anger can save you from a hundred moments of regret.

7. Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right.

Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email. Don’t put yourself in a stressful state of mind that makes you incapable of dealing positively with other people’s negativity. Create time and space for a morning ritual that’s focused and peaceful.

Here’s part of my morning ritual: I take ten deep breaths before getting out of bed. Then, I stand up and stretch, followed by ten minutes of meditation.

I challenge you to try this—it has been life-changing for me—but start small, with just three deep breaths and three minutes of meditation a day. Do this for thirty days. After thirty days, if this daily ritual becomes easy, add another two breaths and another two minutes to your ritual. When you begin a day mindfully, you lay the foundation for your day to be calm and centered, regardless of what’s going on around you.

8. Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.

When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc. It’s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.

Notice how you cope with stress. Replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits. Take a walk in a green space. Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts. Listen to some pleasant music. Write in your journal. Talk it out with a close friend. Healthy coping habits make happy people.

9. Remind yourself of what’s right, and create more of it in the world.

Keeping the positive in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.

At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well. Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day that you’re undoubtedly grateful for. For example:

My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.My spouse and I shared a laugh.We have everything we need to feel safe and cared for.

And pay it forward when you get a chance. Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly to others, and do kind things for others. Kindness always makes a difference. Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day. Be a bigger part of what’s right in this world.

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves and others—the most fundamental harm we can do to human nature as a whole—is to remain ignorant by not having the awareness and the courage to look at ourselves and others honestly and gently.

***

Angel (and Marc) Chernoff are New York Times-bestselling authors and the creators of Marc & Angel Hack Life, which was recognized by Forbes as “one of the most popular personal development blogs” and the authors of the brand-new book, 1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships. Through their writing, coaching, course and annual live events (where I’ve spoken twice), they’ve spent the past decade sharing proven strategies for getting unstuck in order to find lasting happiness and success.

Encouraging Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it. It requires a conscious decision because it is a countercultural lifestyle that stands against the culture of overconsumption that surrounds us.

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

For that reason, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

How to Declutter your Kids’ Artwork While Keeping What Matters | Popular Science by Jean Levasseur. Not all paper mache projects spark joy.

Minimalism and Me — The Quest for Less | The Telegram by Janice Wells. Minimalism reaches out to me practically every time I log into Facebook. And I don’t mind it. In fact I want it to be my real friend, not just on Facebook.

Not Wanting Something is as Good as Having It | The Escape Artist. Wanting less is a whole lot cheaper than getting more.

Zero Waste Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive | Treehugger by Katherine Martinko. You buy less and buy better. Your relationship with consumption changes.

The Guilt of Not Working More, When We’re Done for the Day | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. At the end of a day of work, there can be a simple practice of wrapping things up and shutting down for the day.

There are No Perfect People | Becoming Minimalist YouTube

How Minimalism Saved My Life

Note: This is a guest post from Kara Stevens of The Frugal Feminista.

I was raised by a strong, no-nonsense woman that immigrated from Antigua to make a way for her two children in the busy yet lonely streets of New York City.

My mom never expected to be a single mother in a strange land, but that was her lot when my dad up and left us, making her the chief financial caregiver and the financial breadwinner in one fell swoop.

It also made her depressed, though she never admitted it. It also made her fearful and distrusting of the world, especially a world where an abundance of anything flowed, notably, love or money. 

As her only daughter and youngest child, she taught me that life wasn’t about taking chances, pressing your luck, or living by faith. None of that foolishness.

If you couldn’t make it or hold it, or if it wasn’t guaranteed, then you weren’t to waste your time with dreams or the pursuit of joy or happiness. There was no room for error and life was about the ability to endure (not overcome). There was no space for second chances. 

This scarcity worldview made me a compulsive overachiever (I currently hold three degrees from some of the most prestigious universities in this country). And just like my mom, I soon became unwilling to open myself to opportunities that required too much of an investment of the heart or the wallet.

To ensure that I could control my surroundings, I saved all of the money that I could when I started working. And if I couldn’t find more to save, I would find another job just so I could hold on to more.

My measure of self-worth soon became synonymous with how much sacrifice and deprivation I could endure. It also became aligned with how much money I had in my account and didn’t touch.

To ensure that no one could get close to me (or I to them), I kept things casual and at a distance with friends and potential lovers, though a part of me craved connection and intimacy.

The irony about my decision to embrace minimalism, was that I was at the height of living on the margins of my life. I had grown accustomed to an ethos of withholding, denying, and delaying fun, connection, and material from my life for the sake of financial security, which I had objectively obtained years before.

Learning to live without didn’t necessarily mean that I knew how to live with less. What I mean by this is that minimalism asks you to be present with the real you. It asks you to curate a life that is marked by meaning and value, which can only come from a deep understanding of your personal desires and honoring them.

From the outside, it would seem that I was a minimalist, when the truth was that I was one step away from being a miser.

Minimalism helped me bust my world and life wide open by giving me a front seat to a world of truth, authenticity, and abundance—the exact opposite of the world in which was born into and inhabited.

When I started to embrace minimalism, I got rid of items that I purchased solely because they were on sale or acquired them because they were free and invested in the few things that I really wanted.

I transformed my living (and by extension my emotional) spaces with beauty, expression, and possibility.

Minimalism helped me focus on the quality of my relationships and how I wanted to develop deeper, lasting relationships with those that I cared for. It helped me learn to make time to share energy, journeys, stories, and love. I started calling my friends more, opening up about my dreams and challenges, planning get-togethers, sharing my talents and gifts. 

Minimalism introduced me to a level of spirituality that I wasn’t expecting. It guided me to a bigger purpose in life; beyond working and hoarding money to building a life that revolved around creating bonds to principles and people that improve the world, offer hope, and create positive change.

Minimalism has made life robust, hearty, and satisfying.

It’s made life worth living.

***

Kara Stevens is a speaker, author, and founder of The Frugal Feminista, a financial wellness platform committed to helping women heal their relationship with money so they experience endless joy and possibility. You can also find her book, Heal Your Relationship with Money, here .

The Problem with Always Wanting More

We live in a culture that is never satisfied and always desires more:

More money. More clothing. More toys. More square feet. More followers.

In fact, in many ways, the pursuit of more defines our entire society:

More power. More wealth. More prestige. More reputation. More sex. More. More. More

But there is a problem with the lifestyle choice of desiring more. When we constantly desire more, we are never satisfied. Because no matter how much we accumulate or achieve, more always exists.

By definition, it is unquenchable.

No matter how much money is in your bank account… there can always be more. No matter how big your house… there can always be more. No matter how many likes on your Instagram post or views on your Tik-Tok video… there can always be more.

When more is the goal, we never fully arrive. It is insatiable. And that is the problem with always wanting more. Happiness and contentment will always allude us if we are looking for it in the acquisition of more.

I suppose, if it was commonplace to see an end to this pursuit, that would be a different story. If human beings eventually arrived at a level of more, and suddenly became content, we could all strive to reach that magical level.

But that is not the example surrounding us. Quite the opposite in fact. Most everybody who acquires more, only continues to pursue it.  

We see it in the lives of individuals who amass great fortunes but are not satisfied.

We see it in the world’s largest corporations who continue to pursue greater and greater market share and profits.

We see it in those who acquire power and then work relentlessly to keep it and expand upon it.

In the early 1900’s, John D. Rockefeller was the richest man in the world. He was once famously asked by a reporter, “How much money is enough money?” Rockefeller replied, “Just a little bit more.”

The richest man in the world, not satisfied, still in pursuit of more. More can never satisfy.

Other larger, less anecdotal studies, come to the same conclusion that even the wealthiest among us are never fully satisfied.

Of course, we don’t need to look at the lives of others to understand this phenomenon. One look in the mirror reveals the same motivation inside us.

The average American home has tripled in size in the last 50 years and continues to grow larger and larger. The average American woman owns 4X the amount of clothes as her grandmother, but continues to purchase. The average American home has 300,000 items inside it… and yet Amazon arrives on our doorstep several times each week.

When more is the goal, we will never find contentment. More is always a moving target. Never fully attainable.

We live life with only two options:

1. We can continue to pursue more. We can believe there is a better life waiting if we were just to acquire more money, more property, more fame.

2. We can reject the false notion that more is needed to discover happiness. And we can find contentment in our circumstances and gratitude for the blessings we already possess.

The choice is yours.

As for me, I’ll choose contentment with less.

12 Life Skills We Want For Our Children Before They Leave Home

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.”

My son Salem is 18 years old and will be graduating high school this year.

It’s hard to believe this is the same young man who sat down with me during a Snow Day ten years ago to write this: An 8-Year Old’s Guide to Buying Good Toys.

But indeed, he has grown into a fine young man and will be heading off to college next year.

At the beginning of his Senior Year of high school, my wife sat down and wrote out 12 Life Skills that she wanted to make sure our son knew before leaving home. Some of the skills he had already picked up, but others we decided to intentionally teach over the last year.

I thought it might be helpful to share our list with you. So here it is:

12 Life Skills We Want For Our Kids Before They Leave Home1. Cooking.

It isn’t particularly important that our son knows how to properly prepare Baked Alaska for his next dinner party (although it is my daughter’s favorite dessert). But we did want to make sure he knew how to cook, grill, and even bake some simple meals for himself. Man cannot live on fast food alone.

2. Cleaning.

Salem has had plenty of experience vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning mirrors, and emptying trash over the years of growing up. But we also wanted to make sure he knew how to clean other areas of home that are less routine: toilets, stovetops, ceiling fans, as an example. Knowing that her son knew how to clean a bathroom from top to bottom was of special importance for Kim.

3. Yardwork.

Mowing, trimming, planting, pruning. Even making sure he knows to call the utility company hotline before digging.

4. Laundry.

Kim has always handled the laundry in our home—or at least for as long as I can remember. She’s been very intentional, especially this year, about showing Salem how to launder not just his own clothes, but the clothes of anyone in his future home.

5. Iron.

Ironing has always been my gig. Someone showed me how to properly iron in college and I’ve been hooked ever since. So we wanted to show the how (and why) of not living life in wrinkly clothes.

6. Emergency Car Repairs

Mechanics is not my thing. But emergency car repairs, those things that can happen on the side of the road away from help, are essential to know. How to jumpstart a dead battery, how to change a tire, how to read dashboard warning lights, and what to do in a collision. If we didn’t live in Phoenix, I’d also add how to drive in the snow/ice, and what to do if your car gets stuck.

7. Simple Home Repairs

Home repair is also not a skill in my repertoire—never in my life have I considered removing a wall to open up a room. But there are a few simple home repairs that I believe my son and daughter should be able to accomplish in their future home. This is not an exhaustive list, but among the specific repairs: how to unclog a drain, replace light fixtures, shut off water, replace a garbage disposal, reset breakers, hang decorations, fix a leaky sink.

8. Painting

There are very few things that refresh a home quicker and less expensively than painting the walls. And it’s one of the only home improvements we’ve made in every new home we’ve moved into. So we put it on the list to make sure our kids know how to do it well.

9. Personal Finance

There are technical skills to teach: how to write a check, how to balance a checkbook, how a credit card works, how compound interest works, etc. But there are also life skills and worldviews to consider when it comes to personal finance: opportunity cost, why to budget, living below your means, giving, saving, and the life-giving benefits of buying only what you need.

10. Shopping

Related to personal finance, how to shop wisely is an essential ingredient. It’s important to know not just what to buy, but how to buy. So Kim put this on the life skills list and I’m glad she thought to include it. How to shop for groceries, how to shop for clothes, and how to shop for essentials.

11. Dating

Thinking primarily of my son as he graduates high school, I want to know I’ve taught him how to be a gentleman in both courtship and a dating relationship. I also want him to know what relational qualities are important to develop and what qualities to look for in a spouse.

12. Faith

I don’t write much about my faith here on this blog, but my Christian faith has and will continue to be important to me. And I want it to be important to my kids. So we were sure to add to our list, not just an understanding of our faith, but also the life skills for them to pursue it on their own.

I don’t necessarily publish this list because I think it’s the exact list you need for your own family. But I do think it’s important that we are intentional as parents—not just in providing a loving home for our children but also in preparing them for life on their own. Our goal is to launch him into adulthood prepared and an asset to society.

This is the list of 12 life skills we’ve been working off of the last year as our son prepares to leave home next Fall. And I encourage you to create your own (or steal ours).

10 Things You Can Do Today to Live More Like a Minimalist

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it. It is about focus, intentionality, and making the most of the one life we have been given.

It is also a growing movement around the world.

But there are many who still misinterpret the term. They think it is about barren walls, cold environments, or empty cupboards. But they are incorrect.

Minimalism isn’t about owning less than you need, it’s about owning exactly what you need.

Correctly applied, minimalism results in more money, more time, more focus, and less stress. It also results in a life of greater joy, greater meaning, and greater significance. 

If you are drawn to the benefits of minimalism, but still apprehensive, here are ten things you can do today to test out the lifestyle and live more like a minimalist.

10 Things You Can Do Today to Live More Like a Minimalist

1. Remove one box of clutter from your home.

Minimalists own fewer possessions. As a result, their homes feel more peaceful, more calm, more spacious, and less stressful. You may not be able to declutter your entire home in one day (It took us nine months), but you can make a little bit of progress.

Try to remove one entire box of clutter from one room in your home. And then, notice the difference it makes.

2. Clear one surface.

Every physical possession in our field of vision results in visual clutter. Our eyes naturally gravitate to the things around us as we subconsciously scan our surroundings on a constant basis.

Find one surface in your home that you can clear entirely (a bathroom counter, a coffee table, a shelf, or a nightstand) and remove everything from it. Notice the clear surface. Now, imagine that feeling throughout your entire home.

3. Don’t buy anything and put $49 into savings.

The average American spends almost $18,000 a year on nonessentials. If you want to take one small step toward living more like a minimalist today, don’t buy a single nonessential item. Then, put that $49 into a savings account. Tomorrow, do the same thing. You’ll be surprised how quickly your savings account will fill up when you stop buying stuff you don’t need.

4. Go for a long walk.

Walking is good for the soul and the body. It provides opportunity to think and reflect on life. If you want to live more like a minimalist, go for a nice long walk today.

Notice how wonderful it feels to have some extra time in your day to breathe and relax. And while you walk, consider the direction of your life and if you’re living to your fullest potential. Would removing some distractions allow you to focus more on things that matter?

5. Turn off the notifications on your phone.

Minimalists work to remove distractions from their day—whether it be unnecessary possessions, unnecessary appointments, or unnecessary notifications like email or social media (or even texts).

For the rest of the day, turn off all notifications on your phone except for phone calls (even text messaging). See how it changes the feel of your entire day. Tomorrow morning, turn on just the notifications you actually missed.

6. Eliminate one obligation.

Minimalism extends beyond physical possessions. It sparks intentionality in all areas—relationships, habits, and your schedule.

Today, eliminate one obligation from your life that you do not enjoy or does not further your greatest passions and pursuits. Make the phone call, send the email, cancel the reservation… whatever you need to do. Reclaim your time to live the life you desire to live.

7. Make up one game with your kids.

Studies show us over and over again that fewer toys are beneficial to our children. Advertisements may tell us the newest toy will result in a better childhood for your kids, but that’s simply not true. Fewer toys consistently provide opportunity for deeper play and imagination to develop in your family.

So grab a few toys and make up a new game (such as an obstacle course) with your kids tonight. You’ll see the value of less, and have a great time too.

8. Wear your favorite outfit.

It’s true, most minimalists own fewer clothes than other people. But not because owning fewer clothes is a sacrifice. Just the opposite in fact. Owning fewer clothes means everything hanging in my closet is my favorite. There’s nothing I’d rather wear than my favorite outfit every day.

Today, wear your favorite outfit. Notice what you like about it. And then, imagine a world where you get to wear that every day.

9. Turn off your television one hour earlier than normal.

Because minimalists have embraced a more intentional approach to life, they remove unhealthy habits. For me, removing television was one of the most important. And while I still sit down to watch sports with my son or an occasional series on Netflix, television is no longer a focal point of my life. It no longer robs me of life and potential.

Tonight, turn off the television one hour earlier than normal. Use the free time to talk with your spouse, write in a journal, go for that walk, or go to bed an hour earlier. Almost anything you choose will be more worthwhile.

10. Do one thing you love. 

The greatest thing about minimalism is that it frees money, time, and energy for your greatest passions. This is the greatest benefit—a life lived focused on the pursuits that result in true happiness, joy, meaning, and fulfillment.

So today, do one thing you love. And then, imagine yourself doing more of that every single day from here on out. And you’ll get a small picture of why people continue to flock to the message of minimalism.

Minimalism isn’t about living a boring life detached from reality. It is about rejecting society’s version of reality and living a focused, intentional life on your own terms.

Try out just one or two of these small steps today—and begin experiencing what the rest of your life can look like. You’ll love minimalism and you’ll love owning less.

 

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

My desire with each Weekend Reads is to provide you with articles and posts that encourage simplicity and minimalist living. Below, you will find links to blog posts and news stories that I hand-picked over the last couple weeks. I hope you find inspiration and practical help inside them.

But also, if you get a chance, share these posts with others via social media. With our efforts united, not only will each of us be inspired to own less and live more, but the life-giving message of minimalism will spread further and quicker, deeper and with greater effectiveness.

And that is my goal on Becoming Minimalist: to intentionally promote simplicity in a world that needs to hear it.

Don’t Wait to Downsize | No Sidebar by Karen Trefzger. Many of us live in homes that hold far too much, and we might find it hard to declutter unless and until something forces us to do so. But downsizing in distress, because of illness, financial difficulty, natural disaster, or death, is even more difficult.

How to Practice | The New Yorker by Ann Patchett. I wanted to get rid of my possessions, because possessions stood between me and death. (May require subscription).

Living A Minimalist Lifestyle To Improve Your Finances | Clever Girl Finance by Bola Sokunbi. A minimalist lifestyle can have a huge positive impact on your finances. Practicing it can help you get out of debt, save money and build wealth.

What is a Capsule Wardrobe? Easy DIY Instructions | LaFlore Paris by Natacha Seroussi. If you can never find anything to wear even though your closet is bursting at the seams, you’re not alone.

Stop Chasing Success. Seek Significance | Becoming Minimalist on YouTube

How to Parent Like a Minimalist

Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of  Simple Families .

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had big ideas. I wanted to give my children the world. Like most new parents, I had the best of intentions.

Every generation wants to give their children more than they had themselves. My intention was no different—I wanted to give my children more. More love. More protection. More opportunities. More toys.

More, more, more.

This desire for more was rooted in love.

After I had children and they began to grow, there was a shift. This desire for more became rooted in fear.

If I didn’t play with them enough, would they be happy? If I didn’t stand at least two feet from them at all times on the playground, would they fall? If I didn’t land a spot in a top preschool, would their education be impacted?

In the words of Erin Loechner, “No one ever told me how much fear is hidden in love.”

All this fear, camouflaged as love, quickly started to take a toll on me. Trying to be everything and do everything for my children left me depleted.

My desire to give my children more left me feeling less.

Less energy. Less joy. Less calm.

Then I found Minimalism.

Minimalism is more than just getting rid of all your stuff (although I am on that bandwagon too). It’s about filtering out the noise to focus your energy on what’s important.

Families of today have noisy lives. I know this in my personal life, but also in my professional life. I have a Ph.D. in Child Development with a specialty in Family Wellness. I work with families to find calm amongst the noise.

In families, the calm lies in balancing the needs of each individual while simultaneously tightening the strings that hold them all together.

Sounds tricky, right?

How to Parent Like a Minimalist

Fortunately minimalism has a secret formula for parents: Less is More. Here are some lessons I’ve learned on my journey toward a simpler family life:

1. Hover less and your children will live more.

We spend so much time protecting our children, we forget to let them live. When we hover over them and perseverate over safety, our fears can undermine a child’s confidence. These fears rob them of their independence. Instead of hovering, let’s instill a sense of responsibility and natural curiosity for the world.

Allow your children to live life to the fullest. Even if that means climbing to the top of the jungle gym without a spotter.

2. Entertain less and your children will innovate more.

In many ways, Pinterest is a trap. The abundance of art, craft, and activity ideas that abound leave us feeling as though we need to do more to entertain our kids. Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just flip a switch and provide unlimited entertainment for our kids?

Oh wait, we can. We can limit screen time for our kids.

When we provide endless varieties of entertainment for our children, we leave them with very little opportunity to create and explore new ideas on their own.

So hear me out: Follow my lead and skip the Pinterest activities. Then cut back on the screen time. Let kids be bored. Give them space. The innovation that results will astound you.

3. Schedule less and your children will rest more.

As humans, we need to rest our bodies and minds. This is particularly true of small bodies that are growing and maturing rapidly. Research show us that childhood anxiety is a rising epidemic in this generation. A child who grows up with anxiety is significantly more likely to be plagued with mental health challenges throughout their adult years.

Do you know what our children need? Rest.

Do you know what we need? Rest.

Stop making rest a luxury—make rest a priority. The mental and physical health of your family depends on it.

4. Referee less and your children will problem solve more.

As parents, we wear many hats. One hat we need to hang up is that of the referee. Parents have the tendency to jump in and solve any disputes and challenges that children come across. It’s easier to be the referee than watch two kids awkwardly settle their own disagreement. It’s easier to be jump in and help, than wait ten minutes for a kid to fumble through shoe tying.

After you hang up that hat, get comfortable sitting on the sidelines in silence. Kids need a lot of practice to learn how to problem solve—so let’s give them many chances to do it for themselves.

5. Buy less and your children will seek more.

Research shows that clutter is associated with higher levels of stress in families. Have you yelled at your kids to clean up their rooms recently? If your home has less inside, it is easier to clean up. It is easier to take good care of fewer things.

You know what doesn’t have a long-term impact on a child happiness? The latest hit toy. Buy your children less, and as a result, they will be able to better filter out the noise and focus on the important things.

Studies tell us that family vacations and togetherness have a long term impact on a child’s happiness. Let’s teach our children to value “stuff” less and experiences more.

What are you doing less of to help your kids get more out of life?

***

Denaye Barahona Ph.D. is a mother of two and the founder of Simple Families , a podcast and community for families interested in minimalism with kids, family wellness, and positive parenting. Denaye has a doctorate in child development and over a decade of experience in coaching parents to more harmonious lives with children.