Joshua Becker's Blog, page 148

On Living Countercultural Lives

"Money won't make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves." - Zig Ziglar

We live in a culture that begs us to conform. Through its various messages, it calls us to squeeze into its mold. It exerts external pressure on our minds to believe in and buy its opinions, hopes, and aspirations. Yet, the worldly pursuits that define most of our culture never fully satisfy our heart and soul.

In response, the world will tell us to just run faster, reach further, work harder, make more, and become conformed more deeply. But its promised offer of fulfillment always remains out of reach. Our deepest longings are left unsatisfied.

Unfortunately, through this vicious cycle, we lose our uniqueness. We lose our passion. We lose our energy. We lose our opportunity to choose a different future. And because we are too busy chasing the wrong things, we sacrifice our opportunity to find something greater and more fulfilling in this life.

Meanwhile, our heart begs us to live differently. Our spirit calls us to seek our own passions. Our soul cries out for us to not conform. Our insides long for us to live countercultural lives. But all too often, the external pressure from the world calls us back into conformity. And we reenter the race. How then do we break free?

Are there steps that can we take to live countercultural lives?

First, we can admit that there must be more. We can come to a point where we realize that there is more to life than what the world is peddling. We admit that we have foolishly bought what the world is selling… and our lives are still empty. Possessions have not brought happiness. Money has not provided security. Popularity and power have not satisfied. And sex has not brought love. The answers clearly do not lie in a life conformed to the unoriginal culture of our day.

Second, we can limit culture's messages into our lives. The calls for conformity enter through our eyes and ears, take room in our mind, and force out the pleas surfacing from within our soul. While we can never remove the external pressure completely, we can limit their opportunity for impact. We can watch less television. We can flip through fewer ads. We can worship fewer celebrities. We can find more silence. And as we begin to reduce the noise from the outside, we open space in our mind to hear from the inside.

Third, we can listen more to our heart. In the absence of external noise, we find more opportunity to intentionally search our heart. We find the space to allow our soul to speak and cry out for its desires. We hear best in solitude, meditation, and self-examination. But be advised, this is difficult at the beginning. We are rarely flattered with what we find at first. We must face the hard truth that we have wasted most of our lives chasing the wrong things. We are humbled at how easily we believed culture's false promises. But keep listening. The look back is necessary, but short.

Fourth, we can pursue our newfound passions. To complete the process, we must realign our lives to seek our heart's truest desires. If our lives do not intentionally chart a course in this new direction, they will eventually revert back to their original state. But be assured that you don't need to know every step of the journey ahead, you only need to know the first one… however small it may be.

Nobody can tell you where your heart will lead. Your soul must speak for itself. But rarely will it ask for more money, possessions, fame, or power. It will usually ask for something far more counter-cultural than those.

Life Habits to Improve Your Writing

"It seems to me that those songs that have been any good, I have nothing much to do with the writing of them. The words have just crawled down my sleeve and come out on the page." – Joan Baez

When Becoming Minimalist first began, I had little writing experience. Other than school assignments, articles for a company newsletter, personal letters, and e-mails, I had little experience with the written word.

But as of today, I have written over 500 posts for this blog. I have become a regular contributor to one of the highest-rated organizing websites, Organizing Your Way. I have written two e-books, Simplify and Inside-Out Simplicity (which have sold 5,000 copies in their first year alone). And I have started the process of writing a third book.

One of the reasons for the success in writing is because I have become far more thoughtful and intentional about which habits benefit my life and which detract from it. I have learned to establish healthy life habits that improve my overall life and make the process of writing easier. This process has both made me a better writer and has made the discipline of writing more enjoyable.

These are the life habits that I incorporate to improve my writing:

• Waking Early - I have found that my best writing happens early in the morning between 5-8 am. The house is quiet, my mind is slower, and the busyness of the day is yet to begin. As a result, the words flow with less effort. As a side note, I was not always an early riser. When I first began developing this habit, my trick was pretty simple: I would smile, put my feet on the floor, and look out the nearest window. It took some effort at first, but after a couple weeks, my sleeping habits had adjusted. And I would never go back to sleeping in late.

• Running - I have written countless articles jogging along the side of the road in my neighborhood. Because I rarely run with music, running provides quietness and opportunity to think. The blood is flowing and my mind is free to wander. Some of my best ideas have come during the longest runs of my life. Interestingly enough, lifting weights rarely has the same effect… only running.

• Reading – I prefer biographies. They challenge me and inspire me to make the most of my life. But it doesn't matter if I'm reading fiction or non-fiction, books or magazines, something good or something bad, reading always produces better writing. Good writers are almost always good readers.

• Eating Protein for Breakfast - While I am not a nutritionist, I did learn early in life that protein for breakfast makes me more productive. It gives me better memory, sharper thoughts, and longer concentration. As a result, I have eaten two eggs and one piece of toast at breakfast for as long as I can remember. The whole process (cooking, eating, cleaning) takes me approximately 15 minutes and always starts my day off right.

• Drinking Coffee – There is a reason coffee is one of the highest consumed beverages in the world. While the stimulant of caffeine certainly helps coffee make an appearance on this list, it seems there is something that can't be beat about just the whole experience of sipping a fine cup of coffee. It adds pleasure and richness to my day. And at the age of 36, it still makes me feel like a grown-up when I drink it.

• Solitude - There is a direct correlation between the intentionality in my life and the amount of time I spend in solitude. By electing to intentionally withdraw from human relationships for a period of time, I am able to reevaluate the assumptions, claims, and messages of our culture. Solitude provides opportunity to rediscover my life… and these new discoveries often find themselves into my writing. With that as the backdrop, there's no wonder why Leo Babauta called it The No. 1  Habit of Highly Creative People.

• Changing my Environment – Whether it be writing in a local coffee shop, at the library, in a bookstore, or outside in the summer, changing my environment almost always provides a fresh look at the words on the screen. The new environment encourages new connections and synopses in the brain that help stimulate the writing process.

• Attending a Religious Service – I have always embraced spirituality. I have found that it inspires me to think beyond the physical aspects of our everyday life and search for deeper meaning in the world around us. Going to church causes me to intentionally think about issues of the heart and soul. And because of that, it almost always pushes me further in my writing.

• Using Pen/Paper - While the actual words of posts/articles/interviews/books are always written on a keyboard, most of them are brainstormed and outlined on a piece of paper. I prefer one blank sheet of paper and one black pen. By the end of the outlining process, it is always marked with words, arrows, circles, numbers, and scribbles. But the marked up sheet of paper provides the perfect first step and foundation for putting the actual words on a finished product.

• Traveling - Traveling provides opportunity to experience new people, places, languages, foods, and customs. It has allowed me to see life from a new angle and appreciate different aspects of it. I've had the privilege to experience a number of different countries and cultures over my short lifetime. Each of them have made me a better person… and a better writer.

• Setting Goals – In all walks of life, goals move me and shape me. Whether it be running a marathon, finishing a book, or planning a party for 10,000 subscribers, goals always provide an added dose of motivation and momentum to my writing. When I have a desirable and achievable end goal in mind, my writing always benefits. And when I don't, it suffers.

I have found the 11 Life Habits above to be the most helpful and instrumental in my writing process. As a matter of fact, when even one of them is lacking, I can sense it immediately in my personal creative process. But we are all different. No doubt your list will look different than mine in some regards.

Consider sharing below in the comment section which life habits improve your writing.

If you don't have a list, I encourage you to find one. Start by implementing some of the habits above and give them a 2-3 week trial period. If they are not helping, that's okay… just try something different (for example, I know a number of writers who write better late at night rather than first thing in the morning). The goal is to discover which life habits stir up the creative process in your life.

Because when you are writing at your best and sharing your life experience with the world, we all benefit.

3 Life-Changing Truths from 3 Years of Minimalism

"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Over Memorial Day Weekend, 2008, I became a minimalist. That was exactly three years ago.

My journey into minimalism was not entered into as a fad, experiment, or temporary life adjustment. Nor was it just for the purpose of moving, getting out of debt, traveling the world, quitting my job, or starting a blog. My decision to intentionally live with less was born out of my desire to line up my life's energy with my heart's deepest desires. It was about creating space for faith, family, and friends. It was always a decision that I knew would influence the rest of my life. And I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Over the past three years, we have removed 60-70% of our personal possessions, we have removed ourselves from the hollow race of American consumerism, and we have changed our habits of consumption. As a result, we have found more time for the things that are most important and have found more energy for pursuing our true passions. In many ways, we have been able to finally start living the life we always wanted to live.

This journey towards minimalism has been far more life-changing than I anticipated. The possessions in our lives define who we are on a far deeper level than we ever realize. And as a result, the process of removing them teaches us valuable truths about ourselves and about life.

As I ponder the past three years and all that I have learned, I think the following life-changing truths sum up most of my personal journey:

1. Life is best lived intentionally. I wasted too much of my life living on auto-pilot. I chased the same dreams that my friends and neighbors were chasing… without ever questioning if my heart had a better dream. I followed the advice that was fed to me millions and millions of times through television advertisements, billboards, and internet banners… without ever wondering why their products never quite fully satisfied. I compared my life to others using the same criteria that society encourages… without ever determining if the comparisons were adding anything to my soul. I never questioned the life I was living or the assumptions they were based upon.

But when I was introduced to the journey of minimalism, that started to change. I began to study the facets of my life with a new lens: where I was spending my money, where I was exerting my energy, and what I truly most valued in life. I was amazed – perhaps even saddened – to suddenly realize that I was wasting my life chasing full closets, but empty dreams.

Minimalism has brought newfound intentionality into my life. It has searched my heart and revealed motives that I didn't know existed. I have become a better person over the past three years – sometimes through joy and sometimes through tears. But through it all, I have learned better what it means to live an intentional life.

2. Life is about the journey, not the destination. Dreams come and dreams go. Some dreams are realized… only to be replaced by bigger and better dreams. Other dreams are discarded… only to be replaced by different ones. It seems no matter what happens with your dreams, another one will always take its place. That's just the nature of goals.

Over the past three years, I have learned that the richest joys in life are not found at the finish line. Instead, they are found in the journey towards the finish line. Whether studying a new subject, knitting a sweater, or minimizing possessions, those who cheat the process lose out in the end. There is much to be learned about ourselves during the short lives we live. And the truths that mean the most are only found through patience and perseverance.

Becoming minimalist has been a long journey for me (in some regards, I've got room left to go). But every time I push further down the trail, I discover something new about my soul. It is an emotional process to remove the weight of possessions from one's life – far more emotional than I expected. There is joy and internal discovery in each step. I'm so glad I didn't miss it. And while there is a need for wisdom and discretion to choose the correct finish line to race towards… patience and perseverance is needed to appreciate the high's and low's of the journey towards it.

3. The life of minimalism needs to be shared. Surprisingly, I have found that the principles of minimalism resonate with most people. Most of us already know that possessions do not equal joy. It's just that we've been told that deceptive lie so many times and from so many sources that we start to believe it without even noticing. And before we know it, we are accumulating more and more things hoping to satisfy the longing in our hearts.

Since becoming minimalist, I have had the opportunity to speak on the topic of simplicity in a variety of venues. And whether I am speaking at conferences, churches, public schools, or on the radio, I always enter with the mindset that I am on stage to simply remind the audience of what they already know to be true – that there is more joy to be found in owning less than can be found in owning more. And my hope is to simply invite them to embrace that truth.

This is a message that must be shared. Our world is drowning in debt, stress, and misplaced passion. I am beginning to structure my life in a way that will allow me to actively seek more opportunities to share this message of minimalism. And I hope you will do the same.

10 Simple Ways to Become a More Generous Person

"You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you." — John Bunyan

There are very few people who don't like the idea of generosity. We are indeed a species that loves to help others and confront needs when we see them. Unfortunately, there are also very few people who are content with the level of generosity in their lives. Most people I know wish they were able to give more. And while there are a number of reasons that this may be the case… sometimes the best solution may be the simplest.

To that end, there are a number of simple steps that we can take to make generosity more intentional in our lives. If you have never given away any money or time, this would be a great way to get started (no matter what your current economic situation is). On the other hand, if you are just hoping to raise the level of generosity in your life, you will also find some of these simple steps to be relevant and helpful.

10 Simple Ways to Become a More Generous Person

1. Consider the benefits of generosity. Generous people report being happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who don't give. Generosity produces within us a sense that we are capable of making a difference in the world, that we are actively addressing the needs of those around us, and that we are shaping our community into a healthier one. While generosity is typically seen as the opposite of self-serving, counting the personal benefits is indeed one of the most important steps that we can take in getting started.

2. Embrace gratitude. Make a list of the things in your life for which you are grateful. Your list doesn't have to be long. It won't take much time. Heck, it doesn't even have to be a physical list (in your head will be completely sufficient). Sometimes, the most important step you can take to become more generous is to spend more time thinking about what you already possess and less time thinking about what you don't. Once you start intentionally thinking that way, you may be surprised just how good you already have it… and become more apt to share your life with others.

3. Start really small. If you've never given away money, start by giving away $1. If you are embarrassed to give just $1, don't be. You've got nothing to worry about: there are plenty of charities online that allow you to give with your credit card and you'll never cross paths with the people who record your $1 donation. Of course, the point of this exercise is not to report a $1 tax deduction on your year-end tax return. The point is to get started. If you'll feel more comfortable giving $5, $10, or $20, start there. But no matter what dollar amount you choose, jump right in with something small. You can afford it… and that little push can help build momentum in your life towards generosity.

4. Give first. When you receive your next paycheck, make your first expense an act of giving. Often times, we wait to see how much we have left over before we determine how much we can give away. The problem is that most of the time after we start spending, there is nothing left over. The habit of spending all of it is too deeply ingrained in our lives. To counteract that cycle, give first. Every payday, write a check for $10 to your local homeless shelter. You just may be surprised how you won't even miss it.

5. Divert one specific expense. For a set period of time (try 29 days), divert one specific expense to a charity of your choosing. You may choose to bring a lunch to work, ride your bike to work once/week, or give up Starbucks on Mondays (wait, make that Thursday). Calculate the money you'll save and then redirect it to a specific charity/cause. Whatever you choose, I recommend picking something that would be fun to give up – something unique that you'll remember. And setting a specific period of time for the experiment should make it completely achievable. Courtney Carver gave away an extra $225 last month just giving up Starbucks.

6. Fund a cause based on your passions. There are countless charities/causes that need your support. And some of them are directly in-line with your most compelling passions. What are you most passionate about? Is it the environment, poverty, or religion? Maybe it's world peace, child nutrition, or animal rights? What about education, civil rights, or clean water? Identify what passions already move you, find a committed organization around that cause, and then joyfully help them in their work. In my life, that means I support Essex CHIPS with both my finances and time. It is a local organization that empowers teenagers to make healthy choices. Since I've worked with students my entire life, this organization was just a natural extension of my existing passions. As a result, supporting them made perfect sense.

7. Find a person you believe in. If you find that you are more easily motivated and shaped by the people in your life rather than organizations/causes, use that tendency as motivation instead. Take careful notice of the people in your life that you most admire. What organizations/causes do they hold most dear? Who do they support? What makes them passionate about supporting it? And how can you get involved alongside them?

8. Spend time with people in need. One of the most effective antidotes for non-generosity is to make space in your life for those who actually need your help. After all, it is a very small step to go from knowing somebody in need to helping somebody in need. One of the easiest ways to accomplish this is to volunteer one meal at your local homeless shelter. Most homeless shelters readily accept volunteers and have systems in place to get you started. And rubbing shoulders with the poor just may change your impression of them forever.

9. Spend time with a generous person. One of the most life-changing conversations I've ever had about generosity occurred when I found the courage to start asking specific questions of the right person. I remember starting with, "Have you always been generous?" And immediately followed with more: "When did you become so generous? How did it start? How do you decide where your money goes? What advice would you give someone who wants to get started?" It was life-changing. And the other guy paid for the meal… go figure.

10. Live a more minimalist life. Intentionally decide to own less. Oh sure, living a minimalist life won't automatically make you a more generous person, but it will provide the space necessary to make it possible. You'll spend less money on things at the department store. You'll have more time/energy to help others. And the intentionality that emerges in your life will help you discover the need for generosity. Minimalism has resulted in many positive changes in my life – becoming more generous has been one of the most important.

Generosity rarely happens by chance. Instead, it is an intentional decision that we make in our lives. But it does not need to be as difficult as many people think. Sometimes, starting with the simple steps is the best step that we can take.

What simple steps have you incorporated into your life to foster generosity?

Choose Your Own Blogging Success

"Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally." - David Frost

This past week I played in a Charity Golf Tournament. We didn't win. In fact, we didn't even come close.

Fortunately, no one in my foursome seemed to care. We didn't seem to mind because we didn't enter the tournament for the purpose of winning. That is not how we chose to define success. Instead, we golfed that day for the purpose of raising money for a good organization, spending time together as friends, and meeting new people with similar interests.

Those goals influenced the way we played the game. We didn't spend time in-between golf shots discussing golfing strategy, we discussed life and family. We didn't try to "size-up" our opponent before the first tee, we tried to catch their names and where they were from. And even though it didn't take us long to realize that we were falling further and further behind on the leader board, we still enjoyed every hole with a smile… knowing that all of our goals for the day were successfully being accomplished.

In a number of ways, blogging is exactly the same. Bloggers approach their hobby/job in different ways based on their goals. Because each blogger gets to choose their own definition of success, each blogger acts accordingly. And gets to find fulfillment in it… even if they aren't winning in the numbers game.

Just consider the wide variety of approaches that people take to blogging:

• Some blog as a personal on-line journal. Life is life. Things change and so do people. For years, people have used pen and paper to keep personal journals. Today, some use a keyboard and WordPress.

• Some blog as a means to display their photography or artistic endeavors. Their art is created to be shared. And they have found blogs to be a great way to share that work with others outside their physical world.

• Some blog to keep their extended family informed about their specific life journey. Whether they are separated by distance, adjusting to a new lifestyle, or the grand-kids have been born, blogs are a great way to communicate with extended family. No matter how many there are or how far apart they may live, the story only has to be told once and is always available any time the grandparents want to again see their grandchild.

• Some blog to make money. There is money to made on-line. And whether it represents a full-time income or just side income for a rainy day, money is a common motivator in the blogging world.

• Some blog as a means to meet new people around a specific subject. With minimal effort, blogging can quickly put you in touch with people around the world with very similar interests. And though the unique bond that bloggers experience is rarely understood by people outside of the community… it is nevertheless very real for those within it.

• Some blog to inspire others to experience a better life. Whether it be traveling, cooking, parenting, or minimalism, some people have found such joy in a specific personal endeavor that they rush to share it with others. After all, joy is only fully experienced when it is shared.

• Some blog to complement their physical business. In today's world, a company's physical presence is not enough… neither is just an ad in the Yellow Pages. Many times, a digital address is the first place people look to find a business. To accommodate the change, many people use blogging to complement their physical business. And while this has always been popular among writers, speakers, and artists, it is now extending into almost every other industry too.

• Some blog to quickly share the news of the day (politics, sports, or local). In almost every imaginable way, media outlets have been changed by blogging. The ability to quickly communicate news to a world-wide audience has allowed a whole new breed of news reporters to spring-up… with or without a press badge.

• Some blog to promote a social cause. Blogs can be used to increase awareness, raise funds, or highlight specific campaigns for social change.

• Some blog to improve their writing skills. Blogging forces writing. It causes the author to organize thoughts and effectively communicate them. As a result, some people choose to blog for the simple purpose of improving their communication skills.

• Some blog to become a voice in their specific industry. While some will rise to the top of their specific industry because of their online presence, others may be content using their blog to just have a voice or add a new perspective. Today, this opportunity extends far beyond Internet-related industries as nearly every industry in the world is represented online.

Your blogging motivation matters. It influences how you approach your blog and how you define success.

If you blog for your extended family, you will show little care how many new people find your site… in fact, you may hope they don't. But if your motivation is to make money, the more the better. If your approach is to hone your writing skills, you may be happy that new people are finding your blog or you may be happy just knowing that you are improving an important skill in your life. If you are blogging to complement a physical business, you will care less about the frequency of your online traffic as long as you are still experiencing on-site traffic.

But either way, no matter how you approach blogging, you get to define your own success. As a result, you get to find enjoyment through it… no matter what your Page Rank may be.

The Many Varied "Firsts" of Minimalism

"We need a variety of input and influence and voices. You cannot get all the answers to life and business from one person or from one source." – Jim Rohn

I have always loved hearing how minimalism works itself out in many different ways through many different lives. I love hearing how the idea of living with less is being embraced by others who, in turn, find more opportunity to live the life they always wanted because of it. And I always enjoy hearing the background stories of others who have intentionally made the same decision.

Because of that, I used the Becoming Minimalist Facebook page to conduct a fun, short, nonscientific survey concerning people's different experiences throughout the beginning of their journey to minimalism. Hearing their wide variety of answers reminds me why I continue to love minimalism and will continue to inspire others to realize the simple truth that there is more joy in pursuing less than can be found in pursuing more.

I hope you enjoy some of the highlights too:

1. How were you first introduced to the lifestyle of intentionally living with less (minimalism)?

"I read about the  100 Thing Challenge by 

"Decluttering overstuffed storage spaces got me interested in spreading that neatness to the rest of my house." - Erin M.
"Your talk to Mothers of Preschoolers @ Essex Alliance Church." – Shana T.
"Zen Habits." – Susan S.
"I think over time by trying to raise 4 kids on one income and just got so tired of seeing how much we wasted and how much 'stuff' we looked at as disposable. Through circumstance my hubby and I found ourselves moving our family into an 1100sq ft house and 'stuff' just had to go! And then I got tired of going into debt just satisfy wants and not needs." – LeAnne E.
"I was on Apartment Therapy which led me to the Zen Habits blog." – Tina L.
"Some years ago, I had to evacuate my house because of flooding, I had too much 'stuff' to worry about, I began to self examine." – Robert C.
I heard first about the minimalist lifestyle from this video: Jay's Tiny House Tour and this: Rowdy Kittens story." – Timea K.
"Through the blog Freebies 4 Moms." – Lanetra M.
"Actually, I was doing a search for organizing websites and stumbled upon yours! That was about a year ago. I really liked and still like that your family is similar to mine as far as children of similar ages. It made minimalism seem doable for a family." – Melissa W.
"For me it started with Flylady, she's all about decluttering and I was looking to take her methods a step further (I haven't been terribly successful yet) and found minimalism." – Jennifer G.
"My parents, they are excellent role models!" – Anne G.
"A guest speaker at my high school who advocated for the homeless and willingly chose to live minimally. I forgot about the idea for 10 years…but I've been reminded and I'm getting back to that mindset." – Katie D.
Read more responses.

2. What was the first book that you found specifically helpful in your decluttering/minimizing journey?

"Peter Walsh's  It's All Too Much! I love how he takes all the common excuses for why we hang onto our stuff and how to overpower those excuses."  - Anna H.
"This is years ago, but Elaine St James'  Simplify Your Life started me on my journey." – Tina L.
"Interesting enough  Walden by Henry David Thoreau inspired me to declutter." – Chad O.
"Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez." - Ellen G.
The one that really got me physically going is  Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. To put me in the mind set was  Voluntary Simplicity by Duane Elgin." – Jasmine N.
Read more responses.

3. When you first began minimizing/decluttering your home, where did you start?

"Bedroom closet." – Susan V.


"Living room." – Tiffany W.
"The closets." – Rebecca P.
"I started by getting rid of all knick knacks." – Crystal M.
"Clothing." – Carmichael J
"The kitchen." – Jillian C.
"Dishes." – Stacy A.
"Paper monster." – Ellen G.
"I had a garage full of stuff from past roommates." – Rowan T.
"Toys." – Tama A.
"My book collection, and then my closet." – Bernice W.
"Definately the wardrobe." – Donna B.
Read more responses.

4. When you began minimizing your possessions, what was the first emotion you remember experiencing?

"Relief!" – Suze D.
"Peace." – Andrea K.
"Freedom." – Jessica S.
"Anxiety at first. After I decided that it was ok to let things go then it was very freeing!" – Simple Life Celebrations.
"The feeling is great!" – Beth Y.
"Confusion…where do I start then total relief and love for my new space…" – Cam L.
"Lightness." – Tracie O.
"Peace , relief, and freedom :)" – Maria D.
"Liberation." – Emily P.
"Contentment." – Rosanna D.
"Calm." – Stacey L.


Read more responses.

5. After beginning the decluttering/minimizing journey yourself, who is the first person you remember inspiring to do the same? And how did it happen?

"My mom. She had gotten completely bogged down by emotional attachments to things from the past–gifts, things that had belonged to my grandmother, crazy amounts of paper clutter. My sister and I offered to help, and she accepted the offer! The whole story would require an essay." – April B.
"My best friend, she was drowning in trivia." – Don J.

And if you haven't already, I invite you to join the Becoming Minimalist Facebook Fan Page for more conversation, motivation, and inspiration.

The Many "Firsts" of Minimalism

I have always loved hearing how minimalism works itself out in many different ways through many different lives. I love hearing how the idea of living with less is being embraced by others who, in turn, find more opportunity to live the life they always wanted because it. And I always enjoy hearing the background stories of others who have intentionally made the same decision.

Because of that, I used the Becoming Minimalist Facebook page to conduct a fun, short, nonscientific survey concerning people's different experiences during the beginning of their journey to minimalism. Hearing their wide variety of answers reminds me why I continue to love minimalism and will continue to inspire others to realize the simple truth that there is more joy in pursuing less than can be found in pursuing more.

I hope you enjoy some of the highlights too:

1. How were you first introduced to the lifestyle of intentionally living with less (minimalism)?

"I read about the  100 Thing Challenge by 

"Decluttering overstuffed storage spaces got me interested in spreading that neatness to the rest of my house." - Erin M.
"Your talk to Mothers of Preschoolers @ Essex Alliance Church." – Shana T.
"Zen Habits." – Susan S.
"I think over time by trying to raise 4 kids on one income and just got so tired of seeing how much we wasted and how much "stuff" we looked at as disposable. Through circumstance my hubby and I found ourselves moving our family into an 1100sq ft house and "stuff" just had to go! And then I got tired of going into debt just satisfy wants and not needs." – LeAnne E.
"I was on Apartment Therapy which led me to the 'Zen Habits' blog." – Tina L.
"Some years ago, I had to evacuate my house because of flooding, I had to much 'stuff' to worry about, I began to self examine." – Robert C.
I heard first about the minimalist lifestyle from this video: Jay's Tiny House Tour and this Rowdy Kittens story." – Timea K.
"Through the blog Freebies 4 Moms." Lanetra M.
"Actually, I was doing a search for organizing websites and stumbled upon yours! That was about a year ago. I really liked and still like that your family is similar to mine as far as children of similar ages. It made minimalism seem doable for a family." – Melissa W.
"For me it started with Flylady, she's all about decluttering and I was looking to take her methods a step further (I haven't been terribly successful yet) and found minimalism." – Jennifer G.
"My parents, they are excellent role models!" – Anne G.
"A guest speaker at my high school who advocated for the homeless and willingly chose to live minimally. I forgot about the idea for 10 years…but I've been reminded and I'm getting back to that mindset." – Katie D.
Read more responses.

2. What was the first book that you found specifically helpful in your decluttering/minimizing journey?

"Peter Walsh's  It's All Too Much! I love how he takes all the common excuses for why we hang onto our stuff and how to overpower those excuses."  - Anna H.
"This is years ago, but Elaine St James'  Simplify Your Life started me on my journey." – Tina L.
"Interesting enough  Walden by Henry David Thoreau inspired me to declutter." – Chad O.
"Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez." - Ellen G.
The one that really got me physically going is  Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. To put me in the mind set was  Voluntary Simplicity by Duane Elgin." – Jasmine N.
Open Spaces Feng Shui. – Don J.
Read the Other Responses.

3. When you first began minimizing/decluttering your home, where did you start?

"Bedroom closet." – Susan V.


"Living room." – Tiffany W.
"The closets." Rebecca P.
"I started by getting rid of all knick knacks." Crystal M.
"Clothing." – Carmichael J
"The kitchen." – Jillian C.
"Dishes." – Stacy A.
"Paper monster." – Ellen G.
"I had a garage full of stuff from past roommates." – Rowan T.
"Toys." – Tama A.
"My book collection, and then my closet." – Bernice W.
"Definately the wardrobe." – Donna B.

4. When you began minimizing your possessions, what was the first emotion you remember experiencing?

"Relief!!!" – Suze D.
"Peace." – Andrea K.
"Freedom." – Jessica S.
"Anxiety at first. After I decided that it was ok to let things go then it was very freeing!" Simple Life Celebrations.
"The feeling is great!" Beth Y.
"Confusion…where do I start then total relief and love for my new space…" – Cam L.
"Lightness." Tracie O.
"Peace , relief, and freedom :)" – Maria D.
"Liberation." – Emily P.
"Contentment." – Rosanna D.
"Calm." – Stacey L.


Read more responses.

5. After beginning the decluttering/minimizing journey yourself, who is the first person you remember inspiring to do the same? And how did it happen?

"My mom. She had gotten completely bogged down by emotional attachments to things from the past–gifts, things that had belonged to my grandmother, crazy amounts of paper clutter. My sister and I offered to help, and she accepted the offer! The whole story would require an essay." – April B.
"My best friend, she was drowning in trivia." – Don J.

There are Better Things to Talk About Than Others

"Gossip is the opiate of the oppressed." – Erica Jong

An old proverb tells the story of a person who repeated a rumor about a neighbor. Soon, the whole community had heard the rumor. Later, the person who spread the gossip learned that the rumor was untrue. He was very sorry and went to an elder in the community who had a reputation for great wisdom to seek advice. The elder told him, "Go to your home and take a feather pillow outside. Rip it open and scatter the feathers, then return to me tomorrow." The man did as the elder had instructed.

The following day, he visited the elder. The elder said, "Go collect the feathers you scattered yesterday and bring them back to me." The man went home and searched for the feathers, but the wind had carried them all away. Returning to the elder, he admitted, "I could find none of the feathers I scattered yesterday." "You see," said the elder, "it's easy to scatter the feathers but impossible to get them back." So it is with gossip; it doesn't take much to spread hurtful words, but once you do, you can never completely undo the damage.

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Quickly defined, gossip is talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. And there are far better things to talk about than the sensational, intimate details of another.

Gossip almost always complicates our lives rather than simplifies. Unfortunately, gossip feels good and the short-term rewards often distract us from the fact that we know better. It makes us feel better about ourselves to know something about someone else and share that with another. Other times, speaking about the personal faults of others makes it easier to overlook our own.

Even under the best of motives, gossip almost always does damage to the relationship that we can never completely undo. Consider some of these life-complicating dangers of gossip:

Damaged Relationships. When we learn that a friend has passed on a rumor about us – true, but confidential information – it always does damage to the relationship. The same is true when you are the one passing on the gossip.
Trust is destroyed. It is virtually impossible to restore complete trust in a person who has shared your secrets with another. And it is vey difficult to trust someone who has just shared with you someone else's secrets.
Adds unnecessary complexity. If you've ever told a secret that you don't want somebody else to pass along, you know exactly what unnecessary complexity is. Gossip adds the nagging worry that word will make it back to the person or spread beyond our control.
Devalues the relationship in front of you. Intimate, personal details about a person who is not there always removes you from your present reality and transports you somewhere else. Not only does it distract you from the relational opportunity in front of you, it puts you squarely in the middle of a personal scenario where you do not belong.

One important ingredient to simplify our lives is to avoid gossip at all costs. If gossip is a source of complexity in your life, try giving one of these steps a shot:

1. Appreciate the difference between "helpful" and "gossip."

There are times in life when it is genuinely helpful for you to know the personal background or personal details of a friend's life. But if someone begins sharing intimate details of another's life and you are in no position to help (or have no intention to help), it is not helpful speech. It is gossip. And will only lead to disaster.

2. Stop it before it starts.

If your conversation begins to turn toward gossip, take the high road and end it. A simple sentence that goes like this, "I'm not sure I'm in a good position to be having this conversation," quickly shifts the focus to yourself while communicating your point to your partner.

3. Engage in meaningful conversations about the people around you.

There is a 100% chance that you have not fully explored the deepest places of the heart and life sitting right in front of you. Rather than engaging in conversation about someone else, choose to ask deeper questions about the hopes, dreams, and fears of the people who are present.

4. Avoid the two greatest causes of gossip: pride and self-exaltation.

Gossip makes us feel better about ourselves because we get to revel in the fact that other people have problems too. This is especially gratifying when their problems are seen as more severe than our own. It is selfish pride and a need for self-exaltation that results in that mindset.

5. Stay positive with your speech.

Use positive words as much as possible – even when talking about another. Speaking positively about a person who is not present rarely leads to gossip and almost always leads to a closer ally. This positive speech will also encourage the people around you to do the same.

6. Celebrity gossip is still gossip.

Remember, just because they appear on magazine covers does not make their personal secrets fair game as a conversation topic. Gossip can appear on the pages of a magazine just as easily as it can during a conversation in your living room.

Is it just me or does it seem that with all the things that we could choose to talk about on any given day… the intimate details of another person's life should be lower on the list than it usually is?

15 Reasons to Tell Your Child "I Love You"

"Love, love changes everything; Hands and faces, earth and sky. Love, love changes everything; How you live and how you die." - Andrew Lloyd Webber/Don Black

Think about love for a moment. Love has the power to change lives in incredible ways. It causes grown men to buy flowers and teddy bears on February 14th. It causes women to give up the power of the remote control. It causes parents to drive to the pharmacy for children's cough syrup at two in the morning.

When love gets a hold of us, we become different people almost overnight – no convincing required. Our lives change just because we have fallen under the control and influence of love.

But love is such a powerful emotion that it even begins to change the person who is loved - because to be loved is to be changed. And that's why, to the best of my knowledge, I tell my children every single night that I love them. It begins to change who they are, what they know, and who they will become.

1. It gives them someone to trust. When kids know they are loved, they know they have someone to trust. Oh sure, not every piece of advice we'll give them throughout life is going to the best advice. But they can rest confident knowing that we will always give it our best shot with their best interests in mind.

2. It tells them they are valuable. When children know they are loved because of who they are – not because of what they have done – they begin to realize the true value of their lives. And people who fully realize the inherent value of life are more likely to make the most of it.

3. It gives them a fan in the seats. Children who are loved know that they will always have somebody on their side cheering for them. And while the cheering may be epitomized in the bleachers at a 5-year old's tee-ball game, it is far bigger than that. They also know they have somebody cheering for them in the game of life.

4. It gives them courage. A loving parent becomes a strong foundation that can never be shaken. When a son or daughter knows that their foundation is strong and stable, courage begins to be added and risks begin to be taken.

5. It gives them time to grow. Love is patient. Love bears through the good and the bad. It grants children time to gain wisdom, discretion, and understanding. And luckily so, because none of us have all this stuff figured out yet.

6. It allows them to make mistakes. A natural outflowing of love is forgiveness – when we love somebody, we forgive their wrongs. Children who know they are loved know they will be forgiven even after making the inevitable mistakes that we all make. But just to be clear – if you think this truth gives children freedom to do anything and everything they want, keep reading.

7. It provides correction. Love always seeks the best of another. It always desires the best possible outcome in the life of another person. As a result, love must provide correction. And while this may sometimes look like punishment, it may also look like steady encouragement. But it always seeks the best of another. And discipline is far easier to receive when the motives are not self-seeking.

8. It produces joy. Whether 5-years old or 90-years old, a message of being loved brings a smile to our face and joy to our soul. It warms the heart, lifts the spirit, and results in joy. It has the opportunity to change the course of an entire day or the course of an entire lifetime.

9. It gives hope. Love produces hope in our lives. It gives a sense that we are valuable, likable, and worthy. And in a young children's life, that results in great hope for the future.

10. It takes away fear. Because protection is always available, love casts out fear. Whether it be a barking dog, a college application, a job interview, or the beginning of a new family, those who are loved are better equipped to handle life's scariest – and most unsure – moments.

11. It makes them part of something bigger than themselves. To be loved is to be accepted as part of something bigger than ourselves. A child who is loved has an identity in something greater than their own personal world. And the sense that we are part of something bigger produces responsibility, commitment, and ethic. It is something that our world needs more of today…

12. It gives them confidence that they are always welcome. Loving arms are always open. And that becomes a powerful, life-changing truth when we find ourselves a long ways from them.

13. It means anothers' life is being lived for theirs. The single greatest act of love is to give your life for someone else. And while that could appear in the literal act of dying to save someone else's life, it more frequently appears in our daily choices of living selfless lives.

14. It provides motivation to love others. When our lives have been changed by love, we are far more likely to extend love to others. In so doing, we reproduce each of these life-enhancing qualities in the life of another. And the world continues to smile.

15. It will always remain. Love perseveres, stays true, and never fades. It always remains. To know that you are loved at the age of 36 with the same intensity that you were loved at the age of 6 produces the exact same results. And that brings a smile to my face.

…With love, dedicated to my mom and dad. Thanks for the great love you have shown me in the past, in the present, and in the future. Know that I am trying hard to offer the same to my children.

Next Steps… What to do with some of that space you've found

Editor's Note: This is a guest post by Richard Dahlstrom of Fibonacci Faith.

"Teach this triple truth to all:  A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." – The Buddha

The other day, in my ongoing commitment to simplify, I cleaned out two drawers. I literally pulled them out of their cabinet and turned them over on the kitchen table, creating one big pile of junk. The sense of liberation was visceral, as a deep joy took root in my body. I could feel the endorphins, feel the elation! The joy continued as I relentlessly tossed mystery keys, dead batteries, broken pens, software from computers I no longer own, and so much more.

When it was over, all that remained were my passport, a few gift cards, my comb, keys, and some thumbtacks. Whew! Done. Liberated. Free. As I sat looking at the clean table and the clean drawers it dawned on me once again that we who practice minimalism are not only gaining peace of mind by relentlessly simplifying – we're also creating space. As I sat and looked at that empty space I realized that they're metaphor. As a minimalist lifestyle liberates us from the cluttered prisons of our former lifestyles, we find ourselves asking: "What will I do with all that space?" and by space I mean not only the spare drawer or the spare room, but the extra time we gain, and the extra money too. What are we going to do with all those riches?

While I don't want a life jam packed with obligations and possessions, I do want a life ripe with meaning, and my new found space has enabled me to pursue meaning in some practical ways. Here are some ideas:

1. Serve

I've been privileged to be on trips to Africa, Asia, and Central America for the purpose of serving people. The groups I went with are providing clean water, medical care, and housing. They're empowering people in these parts of the world by serving them, but the funny thing is this: every person who steps out of their comfort zone and goes on trips like these end up feeling as if they receive more than they give, as the generosity and hospitality of the locals fills their lives with a richness that changes their lives for the better.

2. Listen

You don't need to buy a plane ticket to serve others because the reality is that there are likely people within walking distance of your house that are lonely, afraid, tired, overwhelmed. Jesus said the whole complexity of religion could be reduced down to two simple commands: "Love God" and "Love your neighbor". How ironic, then, that so few of us even know our neighbors names because our lives are so scattered. You could start a book club with the people on your street, a monthly barbecue, or a weekly tea time.

3. Create

I've recently written a book in which I show how all of us are born to create beauty in our world. Whether we're painting pictures, writing poetry, building a bird house, or serving people with acts of kindness and generosity, it's all art, making our world beautiful. With the space I've gained in my life by breaking my addiction to watching sports on TV, I've been able to take up writing and invest more time in my kids, as we climb and hike together.

4. Give

My wife and I donate $30 each month to World Vision, and this helps a village in Albania move out of poverty, as it contributes to a larger fund that provides clean water, access to health care, education, and economic development in that area. When we went from a two car, to a one car family, we gave the money from the sale of one car to a group that provides clean water to villages in Africa. I could tell you more stories, but I'll just summarize this way: Giving is fun! It's an absolute joy to have financial space in my life through simple living, so that I can give more resources to empower people who want to move out of the grip of poverty.

Simplifying life is plenty enriching and liberating all by itself. But I've found that investing a little bit of the time and money I've freed up in some of these ways has made my life even richer! I now have friends around the world that I've been able to know because of serving, giving, creating, and listening.

What are some ways you're using the space you've freed up in your life through minimalism?

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Richard Dahlstrom writes at Fibonacci Faith: Changing Everything where he blogs about simplicity, sustainability, and faith. His new book, The Colors of Hope: Becoming People of Mercy, Justice, and Love is available on Amazon today.