Joshua Becker's Blog, page 143

Becoming Minimalist: Heather's Story

A while back, Becoming Minimalist used to feature stories of readers and their specific personal journeys into minimalism… some of their stories even ended up in our book, Simplify. Their stories encouraged us, challenged us, and reminded us of the importance of the journey.

And even though we have long since ended the series, a number of stories have trickled in over the years as readers have stumbled across our Share Your Story page hidden deep in the archives. Some of the stories are too good to keep to ourselves. So we've decided to post five – one every day this week. We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we have.

Heather's Story

I'm new to the idea of minimalism. I grew up in a house that was full of stuff — family heirlooms (especially furniture) from my great-great-grandmother, great-grandmother, and grandmother filled our house. When a family friend (who had no children) passed away in 2005, my mother was the one who took on the task of going through her things and selling the house. A lot of those things ended up coming to our house.

That isn't to say we bought a lot of things. My mother was very frugal and stretched every dollar that came into our home. I wore hand-me-downs from her friends' older daughters, and she wore the same jeans for well over a decade. We didn't go on shopping sprees — things just came in and didn't leave. It wasn't the sort of thing you see on "Hoarders" or even "Clean House", by any means, but it was still hard to clean with all that stuff around.

Fast forward 5 years:

At 25 (and single), I bought a 60-year-old, 1,200 sq ft house with two bedrooms, a large kitchen, roomy bathroom, and a beautiful living room that spanned the front of the house — 8 windows let in tons of natural light all day.

And then, as homeowners typically do, I proceeded to fill it – every room with more and more stuff.

When I was recalled to the Army for deployment, it took the movers over 4 hours to pack up my house. Tons of papers, left over from my 4 years in the Army and never shreded. Seventeen boxes containing some 600 books. Boxes and boxes of clothes, most of which were left from my "skinny" days 3 years earlier. Kitchen appliances and dishes that I almost never used… You get the idea.

I was embarrassed that one person had accumulated so much stuff and resolved to deal with it when I got home.

After spending a year dragging the excess stuff issued to me by the Army (3 duffel bags, one very large rolling duffel bag, and a large rucksack) through 5 different states and then to two different places in Afghanistan, I became more determined to simplify my life when I got home. Half of the stuff I'd been forced to haul around had never been used, and my living space was an 8 x 8 sq ft room. The deployment showed me how little I really need to get by, both in terms of stuff and in terms of space.

I returned home from Afghanistan in June 2011. At first, it was pretty easy. After moving into an apartment, my furniture consisted of a cot in the bedroom, a plastic tub I used as a table, and a folding chair. But then the movers brought my stuff. And it filled over half of my living room.

Slowly and deliberately I went through the boxes. I read It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh to bouy my resolve when it wavered.

It's been six months now since I moved in, and I just unpacked the last box. I came across The Joy of Less and Inspiration to Declutter a few days ago. I've taken several bags of books that I'll never read (or reread) to my favorite used bookstore for credit. I've parted with all but 6 of my absolute favorite Barbie dolls; the rest have either been listed on Amazon or donated to Goodwill. I'm going to tackle my closets (again) tonight.

I still have a long way to go, but with every box or bag that leaves the house, I feel happier and more free — and that alone is worth more than all the stuff in the world!

On Remembering What’s Most Important

“Do not be misled by what you see around you, or be influenced by what you see. You live in a world which is a playground of illusion, full of false paths and values.” - Sai Baba

On April 14, 1912, at 10:00 p.m., the Titanic crashed into an iceberg in the mid-Atlantic and four hours later sank. The story is told that one woman while boarding a life boat asked if she could go back to her room. She was given only three minutes to do so. She hurried down the corridors, already tilting dangerously, and quickly scurried through the gambling room piled ankle-deep in money.

In her room were her golden treasures waiting to be taken, but instead, she snatched up three oranges and hurried back to the boat. One hour before, she would have quickly chosen diamonds over oranges, but in the face of death, values are seen more clearly.

Unfortunately, many people go through life having no clear sense of their true values. Instead, their desires are molded by the culture and the advertisements that bombard upon them each day. As a result, they find no consistency in life. No unity. Their desires change as fast as the culture and they are quickly swept off their feet by the newest fashion, the most recent technology, or the latest worldly pursuit. In exchange, they sacrifice a life committed to their values.

In contrast, a firm conviction of your heart’s values leads to a single, unified life – one that is not tossed about as easily. It is built on the things you hold most true to your heart. And no new advertising campaign is able to change it.

The first step in finding this inside-out simplicity is to identify your deepest heart values. This process should not be made too difficult. It is highly valuable – even life-changing – yet, remains neglected in countless lives:

Grab a piece of paper and pencil.
Across the top, write “What I Most Want to Accomplish with My Life.”
Write down whatever comes to mind.
When the moment feels right, stop.

Of course, the harder step is to actually live by those values when the pressures of a consumerist society pull you elsewhere. Living these values out will require careful evaluation, intentional decision-making, a commitment to live different than everyone else, and constant reevaluation.

But taking the time to remember what’s most important will always pave the way for a life better lived. And it ought not go neglected in our lives.

On Remembering What's Most Important

"Do not be misled by what you see around you, or be influenced by what you see. You live in a world which is a playground of illusion, full of false paths and values." - Sai Baba

On April 14, 1912, at 10:00 p.m., the Titanic crashed into an iceberg in the mid-Atlantic and four hours later sank. The story is told that one woman while boarding a life boat asked if she could go back to her room. She was given only three minutes to do so. She hurried down the corridors, already tilting dangerously, and quickly scurried through the gambling room piled ankle-deep in money.

In her room were her golden treasures waiting to be taken, but instead, she snatched up three oranges and hurried back to the boat. One hour before, she would have quickly chosen diamonds over oranges, but in the face of death, values are seen more clearly.

Unfortunately, many people go through life having no clear sense of their true values. Instead, their desires are molded by the culture and the advertisements that bombard upon them each day. As a result, they find no consistency in life. No unity. Their desires change as fast as the culture and they are quickly swept off their feet by the newest fashion, the most recent technology, or the latest worldly pursuit. In exchange, they sacrifice a life committed to their values.

In contrast, a firm conviction of your heart's values leads to a single, unified life – one that is not tossed about as easily. It is built on the things you hold most true to your heart. And no new advertising campaign is able to change it.

The first step in finding this inside-out simplicity is to identify your deepest heart values. This process should not be made too difficult. It is highly valuable – even life-changing – yet, remains neglected in countless lives:

Grab a piece of paper and pencil.
Across the top, write "What I Most Want to Accomplish with My Life."
Write down whatever comes to mind.
When the moment feels right, stop.

Of course, the harder step is to actually live by those values when the pressures of a consumerist society pull you elsewhere. Living these values out will require careful evaluation, intentional decision-making, a commitment to live different than everyone else, and constant reevaluation.

But taking the time to remember what's most important will always pave the way for a life better lived. And it ought not go neglected in our lives.

How Simplicity Appeals to the Heart

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart." – Carl Jung

Over the past two years, I have had the privilege to write and speak often on the topic of simplicity. The simple message that there is "more joy in pursuing less than pursuing more" has been presented to audiences in various venues, has been discussed in small group settings throughout the country, and has been a constant conversation piece in my one-on-one relationships wherever I go.

And through it all, I have found that the message of simplicity appeals and resonates with the heart. In fact, the number of people who have told me that I am wrong and have flat-out argued against me can be counted on my fingers – that's less than ten over the recent years… and I can distinctly remember each of them.

I have come to believe and understand that minimalism, the intentional promotion of the things I most value and the removal of everything that distracts me from it, is a message that appeals to the heart and resonates with the soul. It is an invitation that is appreciated, desired, and often accepted when offered.

In short, simplicity appeals to our heart:

Our heart knows that possession don't equal joy. We know intuitively that happiness is not found in owning more. Instead, happiness is found in the pursuit of our lasting passions.

Our heart recognizes freedom when we experience it. Possessions burden us… often far more than we realize. The heart desperately longs for freedom and the opportunity to be tied to things of true value.

Our heart desires fiscal sense. Nobody lives their life for the purpose of accruing large amounts of personal debt. Our souls desire to live within our means – not enslaved to a creditor. Simplicity provides fiscal freedom.

Our heart knows its resources are limited. Money, time, energy, focus, and love are finite resources. We do not contain an infinite amount of any. Therefore, we must make intentional decisions about where they are allocated. And the heart has little desire to spend them all on owning more.

Our heart knows truth. Most of our world is living a lie. They are passionately pursuing things of a finite nature. Society, culture, and advertisements promise lasting fulfillment in bigger houses, nicer cars, and trendier clothes. But lasting fulfillment can never be found in temporal pursuits.

Our heart knows when it is being fake. Sometimes, we collect possessions just to put on an outward facade to portray to those around us that our life is successful, put together, and all figured out. But deep down, we know it is not. And in the deepest places of hearts, we desire to stop pretending and be completely real and vulnerable… for the first time in a long time.

Our heart desires to pursue its passion. Very few would ever say that "owning stuff" is their greatest desire in life. Instead, we desire to find love, meaning, and live our lives for something bigger than ourselves. In this way, simplicity paves the way for our heart to accomplish its greatest desires.

Our heart finds joy in lasting value. What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Our souls desire to live for the things that matter by finding joy in the invisible, lasting things that can not be purchased with money.

Our heart longs for the higher attributes. We desire contentment, generosity, gratitude, and self-control. We want our lives to be described and remembered with those words. And the intentional rejection of possessions allows greater opportunity for these positive heart habits to emerge.

Unfortunately, we have been deceived. As a society, we have too easily succumbed to the lie that there is greater joy in owning more. But we all know it's not true… our heart has been arguing for less all along.

It's time we stop chasing empty pursuits. And start listening to the heart that knows us best instead.

Finding Significance in a World of Distraction

"Focus is a matter of deciding what things you're not going to do." – John Carmack

Distractions. Our world has become a constant feed of information and entertainment. We take our phones with us everywhere we go. We connect to the internet wirelessly from thousands of locations. We are fed messages relentlessly from advertisements on nearly every flat surface. And we are bombarded with a 24-hour news cycle. Each enter our mind with one goal: Gain control of our attention and resources.

With so much information battling for space in our mind, it's no wonder our attention span has been steadily shrinking. In The Shallows: What The Internet Is Doing To Our Brains, Nicholas Carr points out that in 2000, the average amount of time we could stay focused on one task without our mind wandering to something new was 12 seconds. Today, it's 8 seconds. The information age may be literally rewiring our brains.

Certainly these types of distractions are ones that we all relate to on some level. But I often wonder if these small diversions might not be nearly as harmful to our lives as the larger distractions that drive us away from accomplishing our most significant goals. The trivial-information-overload distractions may pull our attention from the work right in front of us, but the larger distractions in life may keep us from realizing the life we truly desire to live… and yet, these distractions go virtually unnoticed.

For example, the distraction of a lucrative and powerful career has the opportunity to distract us from using our talents to benefit our immediate community. The distraction of maintaining a large and perfect home may pull us from caring for the people living in it. The urge to check up on our Facebook friends steals more of our time than the friends right in front of us. And the opportunity to spend money on newer and trendier possessions may divert us from using it to accomplish a greater good in this world. In each case, the distraction keeps us from accomplishing a greater significance with our lives.

These are the distractions that can cause irreversible harm in our lives. But unfortunately, far too often, they go unnoticed. Our lives go unevaluated. As a result, we are lured by them away from true significance in our lives. And our greatest goals go unmet.

How then, do we recognize these large – yet subtle – distractions in our lives? How do we regularly assess the path of our lives to ensure that we are seeking and investing into the most significant? Perhaps it's not as hard as we imagine… maybe it only requires a little intentionality and effort. And often times, realizing the need for it is the first step.

Additionally, consider committing time and effort to one of these helpful keys to identify the presence of significant distractions in our lives:

1. Be mindful of the culture we're swimming in. All around us, nearly every moment of the day, messages are battling for space in our minds. They are promoting products, messages, and world-views. Often times, the urgent voices will be far louder than the significant ones. Identify both the messages and their source. And make intentional decisions because of it.

2. Pause and reflect. Next time you desire to make a purchase, check Facebook, work late, or engage in a habit that controls you… pause. Consider the urge and reflect upon it. Is it really the most effective use of your time/money? Or is there something more significant you can accomplish with your limited resources?

3. Review and record. Commit to journaling your time and/or financial outlay over the course of one week. Each evening, spend 5-10 minutes to make some rough notes on your day. How much time did I spend working? How much energy did I put towards my family, my friends, or my faith? To what end did I use my financial resources this week? The hard evidence of your life's focus will become easy to diagnose and difficult to argue with when you see it on paper.

4. Get some outside perspective. Ask a trusted friend, a spouse, or family member to speak into your life. Consider asking this simple question, "Hey, I've been doing some life evaluation lately. Have you noticed any unhealthy habits in my life?" When they answer, don't get defensive. Instead, search deeply for the truth in their response.

5. Find time alone. Begin to practice moments of solitude away from the distractions of this world. The more you cultivate this practice, the more comfortable you'll become with it. And the more comfortable you become with it, the more you'll allow the silence to reveal your true heart, desires, and intentions.

6. Seek some inspiration. Surround yourself with people who are living out your goals. Surround yourself with people who are accomplishing the greater goods with their lives. You'll find numerous people online who can encourage you from a distance. But they'll never replace the interpersonal interaction with a friend right in front of you. Seek them out.

7. Live with fewer possessions. Often times, the things we own become far more of a distraction to our lives than we realize. We spend time and money researching them, purchasing them, organizing them, cleaning them, fixing them, discarding them, and replacing them. Our possessions often add more burden to our life than benefit. And you'll never fully realize the benefits of living with less, until you actually choose to pursue it.

There is little doubt our world is filled with distractions – it always has been. And there is little doubt that those who achieve the greatest significance in life learn to manage them effectively. It is certainly worth the investment to recognize them in our lives and make the necessary life adjustments… after all, we only get one shot at it.

Popcorn Makers, Investment, and Questions for Life

Yesterday afternoon, I threw away a popcorn machine… not one of those household table-top, stir-crazy popcorn makers like my grandpa used every Sunday night growing up. This was one of those commercial popcorn makers like they use at the movie theater. You know, the ones that make the good popcorn perfect for melted butter. The heating element burnt out so we decided to throw it into the dumpster.

Physically, it was an easy process. I put it into the trunk of my car. Drove 1/8 of a mile round back to our company's dumpster. Opened the gate. Threw it in. And drove away.

Emotionally, it was also an easy decision. Sure, the machine likely cost hundreds of dollars when it was first purchased (and who doesn't love popcorn)? But there was no long, drawn-out decision process and no second-guessing. I should have been sad to see it break, but I wasn't. Probably because it had been donated to our company a number of months ago and didn't cost us anything. And you know what they say, "Easy come, easy go."

As I drove away from the dumpster, I couldn't help but think of the decision, the process, and the relative ease of removing this piece of metal and plastic from our lives. This was a possession that I had nothing invested into – absolutely nothing. It was given to us freely. And as a result, it took no effort (other than a few heavy lifts) to immediately remove it from our lives… even though it makes something that tastes so good.

I couldn't shake the cycle of reflection that had started in my mind and I ended up asking myself two questions about the lives we choose to live…

1) Is one of the reasons we have such a hard time parting with our possessions because we have so much invested into them? We've worked hard to get to where we are. We studied hard in school – sometimes for 16+ years. We searched for a career that would pay the bills and buy nice things. Once we found it, we committed 40+ hours/week to our craft – learning our field, taking risks, and becoming good at it. To show for our effort, we buy food and things and cars and houses. We have our entire lives invested into the things we own. So much so, in fact, that removing them almost seems laughable. Why would anyone purposefully live with less after spending so much of their lives getting to a point where they can own so much? The significance of our investment begins to cloud our thinking about what actually adds value to our lives… and what subtracts from it.

 2) Am I then investing my life into things that really last? Lasting fulfillment can never be found in things that are temporal by nature. It is foolish to invest the bulk of our finite energy, time, and resources into things that can not bring significant meaning to our lives. The value of faith, love, hope, and relationships will far outlast metal, plastic, and glass. These are things that I long for – these are the things that deserve my resources. May I always pursue them with greater intensity than the items destined to be thrown into a dumpster.

And to think I was only intending to throw away a popcorn-maker…

Defeat Overspending… from the Inside-Out

"The heart wants what the heart wants."

Advertisers work tirelessly to influence our spending habits and incorporate a variety of tactics to accomplish their goal.

They understand that controlling a consumer's checkbook often begins on an emotional level. They know that influencing a consumers' attitude or belief toward their product is one important avenue to influencing their behavior. Case in point: A recent advertising campaign by Subaru proudly proclaims their desire to communicate with a potential buyer's heart and mind in an effort to influence their behavior.

After trying numerous approaches in the past to contain overspending, I believe this is the strategy that keeps many of us from breaking free from our personal patterns of overspending. We've tried budgeting, waiting periods, and cutting up credit cards…only to find out that these external fixes don't win out over our internal desires. They may work for a short time, but because advertisers have connected with our heart, our mind, and our emotions, our unhealthy spending patterns almost always return.

To overcome overspending in our lives, we need to find a new approach. If external fixes have not sufficiently changed your behavior, consider the need to redefine your attitudes and beliefs towards possessions and spending. These internal changes will, in turn, begin to have an impact on your external behavior.

For a new approach to spending less, try one of these inside-out principles:

1. Recognize that we live in an overhyped culture of consumption. From the moment we were born, we've been bombarded with thousands of advertising messages every day. According to Yankelovich, a market research firm, the average American living in a city today sees up to 5,000 ad messages everyday. Each of these messages compel us to purchase and consume. While deep down, most of us know that overspending is not a wise behavior, we've been told to purchase and consume so many times and from so many voices, that we start to buy into what they're selling. Realize that nearly every moment of every day, you are being sold something… and become wiser towards their tactics because of it.

2. Watch less television. In 2009, broadcast television took in $22 billion in advertising sales and cable television earned $20 billion. Corporations don't spend that much money on television commercials because they think they can get you to buy their product, they spend that much money because they know they can get you to buy their product. Television is an industry built on the assumption that you can be convinced to spend (and overspend) your money. You are not immune. After all, if the selling platform ever stopped working, it would no longer exist. If you want to turn off overspending, start by turning off the television.

3. Consider the full cost of your purchases. Usually when we purchase an item, we only look at the sticker price. But this is rarely the full cost of our purchases. In fact, whether it be cleaning, organizing, maintaining, fixing, replacing, or removing, every purchase we make costs us additional time, energy, and focus. In addition, many of our purchases today require further financial investment tomorrow (electricity, accessories, upgrades, etc). Making a habit of intentionally factoring those expenses into our purchases will allow our minds to make more competent and confident decisions with our dollars.

4. Consider the benefits of owning less. Owning fewer possessions has numerous short-term and long-term benefits. For example, a home with fewer possessions is easier to clean and maintain. Homes absent of clutter are less stressful and more rejuvenating. People who buy less, carry less debt and possess greater opportunity to financially support causes they believe in. The sooner we get a clear understanding of the benefits of owning less, the sooner we embrace a lifestyle of buying less.

5. Practice generosity. Generosity has a powerful affect on our lives. Studies have shown that generous people are happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life. This may be because generosity forces us to appreciate the things we own and how much we have to give others. Ultimately, generosity begins to change the way we view the world. We begin to find our fulfillment in life by helping others. And when we begin to experience fulfillment in generosity, we have less need to fill our lives with unnecessary purchases.

6. Find time each day to consider the unseen blessings of life.  Emotions such as love, hope, and peace bring us lasting joy and happiness. Unfortunately, we live in world that is ruled by rational thinking, bottom-lines, and physical production. Finding time in our busy schedules to reflect upon the good things we already possess can be difficult. But if we can find consistent time each day to meditate on the joy found in the invisible blessings of life, it just may change the way we view the physical things.

To be clear, I am not arguing against behavior-based solutions to overspending. My family has used budgets, waiting-periods, and cash-envelopes in the past to limit our overspending. But if advertisers are working overtime to connect with our deepest emotions and thought-patterns, we would be wise to do the same.

Pinterest, Mindfulness, and Making the Most of It.

"Our normal human tendencies are distraction and dissipation. Too often, we begin one task, then get seduced by some other option, and lose our focus." - Daniel Pinchbeck

Recently, I have become both intrigued and fascinated with Pinterest. Their growth over the past months has been nothing short of extraordinary. The on-line world has been abuzz over its potential and limitless opportunity. Add in the fact that you can't spend any significant time with a group of women these days without hearing someone talk about it (even offline)… and you've got my attention. So over the past few weeks I have been dabbling into the on-line pinboard.

Thanks to an invite from a friend, I created an account – though my wife uses hers more than I use mine. And I have seen the reason for its enormous popularity. As a result, I have completely embraced it as a traffic-driving website by adding images back into my posts and a Pin-It button at the bottom (ummm, hint-hint). It is as legitimate a social networking site as the others (Twitter, Facebook, Google+)… and growing faster than any of them.

The Benefits of Pinterest

Over the past few weeks of exploring the site (and conducting a number of interviews with users), I have seen the wonderful benefits that Pinterest offers. No doubt their recent growth is because of them:

Opportunity to "pin" ideas on a virtual pinboard for later reference. The original idea behind the website is a fabulous one. Stumble across a great idea on-line. Pin it (and organize it) with just a few easy clicks to easily find it later when the need arises.
A filter for the Internet. The Internet is big. As a result, there are tons of helpful articles, recipes, and ideas. But there is also a lot of bad ideas in the exact same space. Taking the time to find the good in the midst of the bad can be a daunting task. Pinterest solves that problem by filtering out the worthless (well, some of it anyway).
Connect people with similar interests. Enjoy cooking desserts? Shooting photography? Designing interiors? Pinterest offers the opportunity to connect with others (even experts) around the world with similar passions.
Opportunity to grow in your craft. Many users of Pinterest have used the website to become better at what they do. No matter what your interest/hobby/profession, you can likely find helpful links to inspire and instruct. Teachers, photographers, cooks, and homemakers are growing in their craft. And make no mistake, that's a great thing for everyone!
Save money. I have spoken with dozens of women (mostly) concerning their experience on Pinterest. On more than one occasion, it was pointed out to me specifically how an idea found on Pinterest saved them money. These money-saving tips were typically found in Do-It-Yourself remedies, cheap decorative ideas, or recipes that saved money.
Inspiration. Many of the items found on Pinterest can serve as on-line inspiration for its user. Inspirational quotes and photos are commonplace. Great articles that offer hope can be found on Pinterest (I think to think that's why some of my posts do so well). Some have even taken this aspect to a whole new level by posting items onto a "Goals" pinboard that promises vacations/experiences/purchases as a reward for accomplishing certain self-improving goals in their lives.
Brings the family together. I know of many mothers and daughters that have spent time together completing a craft or new recipe found on Pinterest. This even extends to grown daughters who have moved away from home as the platform naturally creates something they have in common with their mothers.

The Inherent Dangers of Pinterest

But I have also seen some unintended consequences among its users that appear unhealthy. And I wanted to raise the awareness level towards them:

It can be very addictive. This is not new information. Nearly everyone that I spoke to about Pinterest started by saying, "It can be really addictive. Before you know it, you can waste an hour or more just looking at photos and articles." Obviously, there should be some concern raised over the simple act of wasting time, but the bigger issue centers on the reasons that it becomes so addicting.
It feeds into our natural tendency to compare our lives with others. Images never tell the whole story… they only tell the story we allow them to tell. And many of the images on Pinterest communicate the story of perfect homes, perfect kids, perfect recipes, perfect body shapes, and perfect outfits. These snapshots in time are not truly representative of the entire story… but we still end up comparing our lives to them and wondering what's wrong with us.
It centers our thoughts into a life of fantasy rather than a life of reality. We see stunning photos of a fireplace next to a jet tub overlooking a snow-covered mountain and we can't help but dream of that reality. But the moment we center our thoughts on that "dream" life, we rob all the joy out of our existing reality. We lose the capacity to fully appreciate all the blessings that surround us when we begin to dream about what we're missing instead.
It promotes the pursuit of material possessions. Sometimes intentionally, but mostly unintentionally, Pinterest promotes the pursuit and consumption of material possessions. We see the beautiful photos and desire to own that cute little outfit, perfectly-matched furniture, or one-of-a-kind home decor. Their promises of greater joy in life are pasted all over the screen in front of us. And even if hop on Pinterest for healthy reasons, the subtle messages are unavoidable.
It becomes easy to confuse "pinning" with "doing." Pinterest offers incredible opportunity to grow in life and skill. The possibilities are endless… maybe too endless. We discover an idea and discern that it would be fun and worthwhile to pursue. But before we get a chance to start, we discover another and then another and then another… And before too long, we've spent the entire time bookmarking exciting new projects but haven't completed (or even started) any of them. We'd be far better served finding one opportunity and pursuing it with focus and energy before moving onto others.
It can become a form of unhelpful clutter that robs us of life. The purpose and the layout of Pinterest promotes clutter in our minds. Rarely is anything looked at in a vaccum. Even when we try to isolate one idea, the other images merely fade into the background (not disappear) still calling for us to come back and browse some more. Clutter (physical or mental) always distracts us from joy in the present moment as it calls our attention elsewhere. And Pinterest makes a living providing it.

How to Make the Most of Pinterest

How then does one make use of the medium without falling prey to its unintended consequences?

1. Everything in moderation. Refuse to allow Pinterest to dominate your life. You control it and use it for your benefit… not the other way around. Set a timer. Or choose a time of day (early in the morning, when the kids are at school, etc) that Pinterest won't distract you from the most important priorities in life.

2. Be mindful. Journey within. The damaging emotions that we have always struggled with still exist, they have just found a new way to surface. Learn to recognize them. Envy, jealousy, selfishness, and unhealthy comparisons have never brought us joy. When you feel them surfacing on Pinterest, turn it off. Get away. And spend some time promoting gratitude.

3. Have a purpose when logging on. If you want to find a new recipe for Tilapia or a fun, inexpensive dessert for your child's birthday party, Pinterest is a great place to look. If you want to grow in your craft, Pinterest likely offers a number of helpful articles. But if you have a purpose, stay focused. Don't fall into the temptation to browse other topics. And use the search option to limit mindless browsing.

4. Follow people who add value. The value of Pinterest (just like every other social networking site) is found in the people you follow. If someone is clogging your stream with unhelpful (or unhealthy) links, don't hesitate to unfollow.

5. Keep in mind that not every one on Pinterest is pure in heart. Pinterest has grown quickly. People are hanging out there. And wherever people are hanging out, entrepreneurs will use it to make money (always!). You may not think you're seeing paid advertisements when you log onto Pinterest, but you are. Keep that in mind. Some of the posts are intentionally designed to get your money… be warned.

By all means, embrace Pinterest. Enjoy it. Improve your life through it. But doing so in a mindful manner, will keep you from unintentionally pinning unhealthy habits in your heart while you do.

The Opportunity of Lent

Growing up in small towns in South Dakota and North Dakota, I can vividly remember students in my school observing the season of Lent. But to me, it only meant that our school lunch menu changed for a month and McDonald's advertised their Filet-o-Fish sandwich for $1.00.

As I grew older, I began to understand more and more the spiritual significance and religious tradition behind the season. And even though I have always been open to the idea of a personal God who loves me and cheers for me, Lent was never a season that I observed.

But my mind was changed when I was invited by a mentor to observe the season by fasting from one controlling influence in my life for forty days. He promised me life-changing personal benefits to the exercise. I trusted him. And so I chose fast food. I was in a season of life (and a mindset) that lent itself to eating out often and I knew that cutting out fast food was going to require great intentionality and self-restraint. It turned out to be an unforgettable forty day season and a valuable exercise in self-discipline… that was almost 12 years ago and can still vividly remember eating the brown-bag meals in my car that I had prepared each morning.

Since then, I have observed Lent a number of times over the years. Each time, I choose one controlling influence in my life to fast from for forty days. And whether that be fast food, soda, or television, I have learned important life-changing lessons each time.

For example, by choosing to fast from one controlling influence in my life during the season of Lent, I have…

Learned humility. It is a humbling exercise to battle controlling influences in our lives. We are forced to stand face-to-face with our weaknesses and our humanity. And whether we win or lose over the course of the forty days, even the intensity of the struggle supplies profound humility.
Developed intentionality. Whenever we seek to remove habits in our lives, we are granted the opportunity to replace them with new habits. We are allowed to ask new questions about the life we are living and what new aspects we'd like to incorporate.
Developed deeper empathy for others. We are often quick to judge the weaknesses of others, but rarely put our lives under the same level of scrutiny. Battling through a season of fasting often forces us to realize that the adversary of addiction is far less easy to conquer that we have otherwise thought.
Fostered greater self-control. Just like a muscle, self-control grows stronger through use and exercise. Exercising self-control in one aspect of life (abstaining from coffee or chocolate) provides a greater possibility to utilize it elsewhere in our lives. Perhaps we would be more effective in overcoming impatience, anger, or indulgent eating in our lives if we exercised our muscle of self-control in other ways.
Confronted excesses in life. Many of the external items that subconsciously control our lives are not needs, they are wants (coffee, dessert, television, Facebook, etc.). But we have become so accustomed to having them in our lives in a daily basis, we too quickly confuse wants and needs. Fasting from one of these items for forty days helps put things back in proper perspective and gives us the strength to just walk away.
Saved money. Many of the influences that I have chosen to give up for Lent in past years cost money. Avoiding them for forty days has financial benefit during the season… and financial benefit going forward as the items are always reintroduced in greater moderation.
Saved time. Similar to the financial benefits, most of the controlling influences in our lives require time, energy, and attention. Removing them from our daily schedule provides extra minutes (sometimes hours) to our day.

Over the years, I have experimented with Lent in a number of different ways. And here are some of the most helpful tips that I have learned:

1) Start by asking yourself this question: "What is one thing that I could never give up for forty days?" As soon as you have an answer, you have identified a controlling influence on your life. I have asked countless others this question over the years and have been surprised at the variety of responses (alcohol, bread, candy, chocolate, cigarettes, coffee, dessert,  energy drinks, Facebook, fast food, ice cream, the Internet, meat, shopping, soda, television, video games, wine, etc). But there is one constant, everybody can answer it… usually in just a few short seconds.

2) Choose a period of time. Forty days is a good number, but other than the fact that it corresponds directly to the season of Lent, it's not magical in any way. In fact, if the idea of forty days is too daunting, choose a lower number – just make sure you select a number that is going to exercise your self-control (I'd recommend something over twenty.)

3) Pick a meaningful start and/or end date. If you can find meaning on one of the ends, you'll find that helpful. There's a reason Lent leads up Easter. If you don't want to use the Lent season, consider a birthday, holiday, or season.

4) Tell a friend. You don't have to explain all the details… though I always appreciate it when readers share my work with others. But the simple act of telling a close friend about your experiment will help provide accountability and strength for your journey.

5) Find meaning in defeat. If you give in at some point during the experiment and succumb to the temptation, don't lose heart. Make failure your servant by examining its root. And then get back up to try again.

6) If you are spiritual, embrace the season with your entire heart and soul.

7) Reintroduce slowly. Likely, when the season is over, you will reintroduce the influence into your life. Do so slowly, carefully, and intentionally.

Starting today, I have chosen to give up my smart phone capabilities for the next 40 days leading up to Easter on April 8. Over the recent years, I have felt an unhealthy addiction to my cell phone develop in my life. After all, it is one thing to use a phone for calls and text messaging (which my job requires), but it is something completely different when its features (social networking, internet browsing, weather, sports scores, games) constantly compete for my attention. It is time to push it aside, to break the addiction, and to analyze the benefits of living without it. I still plan to social network (Twitter / Facebook), but plan to do so on a more limited basis than before and from a computer screen, not a cell phone.

35 Things I Hope My Kids Will Say About Their Dad

"Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad." – Anne Geddes

Children learn more from watching their parents than from listening to them – more is caught than taught. As parents, this puts great weight on how we conduct our lives. It requires us to be intentional about how we live. It requires us to self-reflect and evaluate if our lives match our words. And it requires us to be intentional about identifying the lessons we hope our kids will take from us.

Here then, as my two children get older, are the 35 Things I Hope They Will Say About Their Dad. They represent the 35 most important lessons I hope they will learn from my life.

1. "He loved us." I could see it in his words, his face, and his actions.

2. "He loved our mom." And was always faithful to her.

3. "He was honest" Both to us and to others. I never remember him telling a lie.

4. "He was spiritual." He valued things bigger than this world… and kept his eyes open for them.

5. "He worked hard," He understood the value of a hard day's work and wasn't afraid of it.

6. "But he always came home on time." He worked hard at his job. But he knew when to quit for the day.

7. "He cared about people more than money."

8. "He was a good friend." He taught me what that meant in a world that doesn't.

9. "He helped others." He looked for opportunities to serve… especially those who couldn't help themselves.

10. "He was generous" with his home, his money, his time, and his energy.

11. "He made us laugh." It was always fun to spend time with him.

12. "He loved to read." He read for work, for pleasure, and for self-improvement.

13. "He loved life." He cherished all the moments of life – the big ones and the little ones.

14. "He always had great hope." His hope was new, it was alive, and it was lasting.

15. "He had our best in mind." We were disciplined, but it never felt motivated by anger… only love.

16. "He was proud of us," And he told us often.

17. "But he pushed us to improve." He parented out of love and a genuine desire for us to succeed.

18. "He saw the best in people." And sought to learn from them.

19. "He loved his family." He cared for his parents and loved having everyone together.

20. "He was always good to mom." His love for her provided a healthy model for my family.

21. "He had a smile every morning." Each day provided a wealth of opportunity. And he chose to greet it with a smile.

22. "He lived within his means." We were taken care of. We did fun stuff. We had nice things. But he knew where to draw the line.

23. "He was unselfish." Life was always about more than getting the most for yourself.

24. "He was wise." He had a healthy grasp on people, life, and situations.

25. "He was quick to forgive." He knew that he had been forgiven much. And was quick to offer that same grace to others.

26. "He didn't let culture dictate his beliefs."

27. "I knew I could count on him when I needed him" - anytime, day or night.

28. "For some reason, I couldn't get away with lying to him." He demanded honesty and I respected that. He could read me too well.

29. "He was always asking about my friends." He wanted to know everything he could about the people I chose to spend time with.

30. "He knew how to rest." He knew when and how to take time refreshing his body and soul.

31. "He dreamed big dreams for me." Even when I didn't believe in myself, he did.

32. "He loved eating meals together."

33. "He treated his body well." He knew the importance of keeping his body healthy – not for vain reasons, but to remain effective to this world as long as possible.

34. "He loved his job." He worked hard at his job not because of the money, but because he believed in what he did.

35. "He knew the difference between want and need."

And with this many life lessons to teach my children, I better not waste a single day – including this one…